Phony Fern Arthur
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
# Has an original point of view | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
-# And I say, hey! -Hey! | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play | 0:00:13 | 0:00:18 | |
# And get along with each other | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat | 0:00:20 | 0:00:24 | |
# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears! | 0:00:24 | 0:00:30 | |
# Get together, make things better By working together | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart | 0:00:34 | 0:00:38 | |
# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
-# And I say, hey! -Hey! -What a wonderful kind of day | 0:00:43 | 0:00:48 | |
# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other | 0:00:48 | 0:00:53 | |
# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! # | 0:00:53 | 0:00:59 | |
DW! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:00 | |
-Hey! -Whoa! Ooh! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Quickly, Bastings, I feel we may already be too late. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
EVIL LAUGHTER | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
Ah, Virgule Watteau, I knew you would find me here. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:17 | |
And I knew that you knew. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
You see, Baron, Virgule Watteau, she is always one step ahead. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:25 | |
Arrest that kidnapper, Bastings. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Not this time, Watteau, | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
not if you want to see your dearest friend alive again. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
One false move and I'll drop him. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
EVIL LAUGHTER | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
Atchoo! | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
-Oh, no! -Sorry, there must be a cat in here. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Bastings, he dropped him. | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
I'll apprehend the Baron, you get to the street. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
Look, Virgule Watteau has got he Baron. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
She's done it again! CHEERING | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
But at what cost? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
My dearest friend in the world, | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
no-one will ever know how I felt about you! | 0:02:04 | 0:02:08 | |
My little Portilex 360 | 0:02:08 | 0:02:13 | |
with wireless chatback and 157 ring tones. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
Speak to me! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
Why? | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Oh, Bamboo, you're the best elephant a little girl could ever have. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:39 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
It's my brother. He's calling from college. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
-Hi, Chip, how's Tallahassee Tech? Did you make captain...? -Shh! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:48 | |
Sure I can talk, the movie's almost over. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
Uhuh. No! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
That's so unfair! | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
-Sorry! -You have to tell Daddy - he paid for that badminton court. | 0:02:56 | 0:03:02 | |
I was really glad you invited me to the movies, | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
but I wish you'd turned your phone off. I don't even know how it ended. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
Huh? Oh, the elephant dies. It's really sad. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
-Muffy, what are you looking at? -I'm just texting Bailey. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
But he's right outside. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
Oh, I didn't notice. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
"I C U, Bailey." | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
She was more interested in that phone than me. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
It was infuriating. What's so great about cell phones? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
They make life easier. You don't have to carry change for payphones. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:44 | |
But people are on them constantly. Just look around you. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:48 | |
He's using one, so is she. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
And her. And him! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
And all of them! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
They all have little machines plastered to their ears. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
You're right! It's like the phones are controlling them, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
altering their brainwaves and turning them into a species of robot! | 0:04:03 | 0:04:08 | |
PHONE RINGS Agh! | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Mom, I'm on my way. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Get off the phone before it turns you into a robot! | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
Here, have some carrots. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
You'll never see me with one of those things! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
RINGING | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Now, it's only for emergencies. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Or if I'm running late to pick you up from school. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
-Or if I'm away on business and you want to say hello. -Ow! | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
Don't use it too much, OK, honey? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Trust me, I won't. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
You don't like it? Did I get the wrong colour? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
They had one with polka dots. I could exchange it. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
No, Mom, it's perfect. Thank you. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Ferny, don't forget the instruction booklet. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
"To engage security function, press star 66." | 0:04:53 | 0:04:58 | |
Security breach! Step away from the phone! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
Step away from the phone! | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
You have the Portilex 360?! | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
-I -have the Portilex 360! | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
I just got it. The other one I had was so last fall. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:13 | |
Big deal! It's just a phone. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Fern, the Portilex 360 is not just a phone - | 0:05:15 | 0:05:20 | |
it's a telecommunications system with ever-exapnding interfaces. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
See - it says so right there. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
-What's your ring tone? -Beats me. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
You haven't selected one yet?! | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
Here, I'll help you. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
There are 157 of them, you know. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Menus, options, settings, preferences, tones, | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
ring library, folder b, file 43... | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Oh, just choose anything, I really don't ca...! | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
That's the theme to Mid-afternoon Mystery Theatre, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:51 | |
-my favourite show! -Pretty cool, huh? | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Scoot over. I'll show you how to operate chatback, | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
the instant messaging feature. And you'll love the camera! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:02 | |
Look, Bastings, a clue. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
It is a feather from the boa of the missing Countess. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:08 | |
Great Scot, Watteau! | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Here, put it in my clue pouch and we'll show it to Inspector Clapp. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:15 | |
There is no need, mon ami, | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
Virgule Watteau will photograph it with her Portilex 360! | 0:06:17 | 0:06:22 | |
-Her what? -Voila! | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
Is not the image clear and the colours lifelike? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
You can't have a cell phone - it's supposed to be the 1930s. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
Ah, but Virgule Watteau, she is always one step ahead. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:36 | |
Ah! I think I lost it! | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
Let's see... | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
-menus, options, gallery... -Your moustache, Watteau. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:44 | |
-Thanks. -Now, let's see, would it be in recent photos or image library? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:49 | |
# I never thought it could be true | 0:06:50 | 0:06:54 | |
# That I'd be so fond of you | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
# I'm flesh and blood and you're just a piece of plastic | 0:06:57 | 0:07:02 | |
# But when I hear you start to ring | 0:07:03 | 0:07:07 | |
-# Something in me wants to sing! # -Shh! | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
# And with you in my hand I feel fantastic | 0:07:10 | 0:07:16 | |
# You're my purple friend | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
# My special purple friend | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
# And together there is nothing we can't do | 0:07:26 | 0:07:30 | |
-# Text a buddy! -Go online! -Snap a photo! -Check the time! | 0:07:30 | 0:07:34 | |
-# Write a sonnet! -I'll get on it! -Oh, this feeling's unexpected | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
# But now we're so connected | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
# My little purple friend | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
# And me! # | 0:07:44 | 0:07:49 | |
MOBILE RING TONE | 0:07:49 | 0:07:51 | |
Hey, Muffy. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:53 | |
No! | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
She broke up with him?! | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Is Chip upset? | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
What was Lexie thinking? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
I thought he was seeing Lexie. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:04 | |
Oh, Biff's seeing Lexie. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:08 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -How'd they get a cow in the library? | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
-Ferny! -Hold on. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
I have three houses to show so I may be home late tonight. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:17 | |
But your father's making dinner. Bye, Sweetie. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
How'd they get it out? | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
-SHE LAUGHS -That Biff! | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
Uhuh. Yeah. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
That's terrible. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
I know. So now my toenails are strawberry surprise | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
and my fingernails are ravishing red. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
It's a complete disaster. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Here, I'll send you a picture. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
FERN LAUGHS | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
I don't know. Maybe turkey on wholewheat. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
I'm in a turkey mood today. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Looks like the machines have taken control of Fern. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:54 | |
Soon they'll have enslaved the entire planet. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:58 | |
Not me though - I've got my foil ears. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
So although the cotton gin was a leap in technology, | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
it also increased the demand for inexpensive labour. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
If we turn to chapter... | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Phone, please. You can have it back after school. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
-But... -You know the rules, Fern. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
Hmm. How do I turn this off? | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Security breach! Step away from the phone! | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
Step away from the phone! | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
Come on, come on, come on! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
BELL RINGS Woo-hoo! All right! | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
-Man, we've got another test tomorrow. -Come on! | 0:09:43 | 0:09:46 | |
Can I please have my phone back now, Mr Ratburn? | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
It's in here somewhere. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
Buster's homework excuses. Extra red pens. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
Plato's Republic. Ah! Wait, no, that's my electric razor. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:01 | |
Fern, I just heard the most amazing news. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
-You'll never guess what happened to my brother now that... -Hello! | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
Muffy, are you there? | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Battery is at 10%. Recharge your Portilex now. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
Battery is at 7%. Please, recharge your Portilex now. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:21 | |
Battery is at 5%. Recharge your Portilex immediately! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
4%. 3%. Recharge! | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Recharge! 2%. | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Oof! | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
MOBILE PHONE BATTERY DIES Ah! | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
No-ooo-ooo! | 0:10:40 | 0:10:44 | |
It's all my fault. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
I wasn't looking where I was going. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
I'm really sorry. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
We're not upset about the phone. We're just glad you're OK. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
Why were you running away? | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
Because the battery was dying and I was expecting a call from Muffy. | 0:10:56 | 0:11:00 | |
We got you the phone so we could call you and you could call us. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:04 | |
I know, but we became cell phone friends. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:10 | |
I guess I sort of got carried away. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Our suspect was four feet and six inches. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:18 | |
-And he had a limp. -A limp. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
By Jove, Watteau, how can you tell? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Notice, Bastings, the impression of the right foot is deeper. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:28 | |
But what is this? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
A - how do you say? - lollipop stick. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
Fern, there you are. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
I've been trying to reach you since Friday. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
Why haven't you been answering your phone? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Oh, I'm sorry, Muffy, I haven't checked my messages. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:44 | |
What is that? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
My new phone. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
The old one broke. I decided to use my phone only for emergencies, | 0:11:48 | 0:11:53 | |
so it's probably best you didn't call me on it. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
Don't worry, I wouldn't call that thing if you paid me. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:59 | |
I thought so. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the big news. Chip's coming home. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:07 | |
We're having dinner on Sunday and you're invited. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:10 | |
You see, Bastings, | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
sometimes it is the little grey cells, not the cell phones, | 0:12:13 | 0:12:18 | |
which make the connection. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:20 |
