To Eat or Not to Eat Arthur


To Eat or Not to Eat

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# Every day when you're walkin' down the street

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# Everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm The rhythm of the street

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# Open up your eyes! Open up your ears!

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# Get together and make things better by working together

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# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

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Hey, DW!

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-Hey!

-Whoa!

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THUD

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BUSTER BAXTER: 'Elwood City. A place where any crazy thing can happen.

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'And usually does.

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'Something was in the air that night,

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'as tantalising as a fresh big cherry pie

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'cooling on Grandma's window sill.

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-SIREN

-'A crazy stew was brewing,

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'the ingredients boiling in a pressure cooker like a can of soda,

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'ready to explode.

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'All this talk about food was making me hungry.

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'I grabbed an apple...

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'..and then SHE walked in.'

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HE GASPS

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You've got to help me.

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SPLUTTERS

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EVIL CACKLE

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My super-cool lozzle-slush cup-a-tron

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will give you a bionic brain-freeze.

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New, new, new from Rabid Dog Extreme,

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the radically rabid Big Boss Bar.

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So full of super-energising goodness, your mouth might just explode!

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A million sparkles in every bite.

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You'll flip for the spark!

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Rabid Dog!

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GROWLING

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We have just witnessed greatness.

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Don't you want to watch the rest of the cartoon?

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Got...to...have...it.

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27, 28...

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29!

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Oh, yeah! Sweet, sweet candy bars.

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Mine, all mine!

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Aw! I'm too late.

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-GASPS

-Ah-ha!

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A million sparkles in every bite.

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I wonder what would happen if I swallowed it whole?

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Oh, it looks so good.

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I've got to have it. But it's the last one.

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So good. Last one.

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Maybe I'll save it for lunch.

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Tofu stew with organic veggies

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and the merest whisper of ground cardamom.

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Enjoy!

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I'm more interested in dessert.

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May I see it?

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"Azoshin tetratartic monoxide acid.

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"Concentrated monopazomidetetradoxide substitute.

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"Tri-enzomated zorn jelly?!"

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What's that?

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Beats me. And I know food.

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Be wary of ingredients you've never heard of - and can't pronounce.

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You're better off with this. Fresh off the tree - and on the house.

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Erm... Well, maybe I'll try to find out what it is.

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It's probably harmless.

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Sorry, but I can't help you out.

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Come on, Binky, I'll pay you back.

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George, I'm not a charity.

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I need to take care of my paying customers.

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More sparkles, if you please.

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Thanks!

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Later!

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'I was getting a funny feeling about this candy.

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'Sure, kids are sweet for sweets,

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'but something about this bar wasn't on the up and up.'

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Spill it, sugar. What's the beef?

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'I said, mixing my food metaphors.'

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They're spreading lies about me. Horrible lies.

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Bum rap, huh? Who's spreading lies, cupcake?

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The Candyman. He knows the truth.

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But he won't say.

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'Whoever this Candyman was,

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'I bet he had answers. And I had questions.'

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'Plenty of them.'

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I'm on the case, sweetheart.

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What are YOU looking at, fruit snack?

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DOG BARKS

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TYRES SCREECH

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SPLUTTERS

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THEY ALL ARGUE

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More sparkles! More sparkles!

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SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY

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It's all there, I swear.

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It better be.

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Mmm... Yay!

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LAUGHS

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It contains an impressive array of chemicals.

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Most of the Periodic Table of Elements is included here.

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Even some of the radioactive ones.

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LAUGHS AND WHOOPS

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That would explain some things.

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Look! Oxylavamonotrine. That's a colouring agent.

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It's made out of bugs.

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Could you repeat that? I thought you said, "bugs".

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I did say bugs.

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That blood-red colour comes from boiled female cochineal insects.

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There are bugs in this?

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What about this - tri-enzomated zorn jelly?

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Is that made from bugs too?

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I don't know, I've never heard of it.

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But whatever it is, there's a whole lot of it in there.

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You can tell because it's one of the first ingredients listed,

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so there's more than the ones listed below.

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'This egghead stuff was too much for me.

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'It was going to take some old-fashioned detective work

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'to crack this case.'

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'The Candyman was a wash,

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'but I figured I might pick up a clue if I followed the dame.

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'We ended up in the seedy section of town.

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'A nasty neighbourhood where the worst ingredients hung out.

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'Suddenly, the Candyman slithered out of the shadows.

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'What was she doing with these creeps?

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'I'd have to dig deep to find the answers.'

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OK, let's see what the Rabid Dog homepage has on...

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tri-enzomated zorn jelly.

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MANIC BARKING AND NOISE

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Shh!

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-NOISE STOPS

-OK, let's see.

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"Candy, an important part of every meal."

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Ah, "ingredients".

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GASPS

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The type is so small.

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Ah, here we go. Tri-enzomated zorn jelly.

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Huh? What happened?

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Weird.

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GROANING

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THEY MOAN

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I feel hot and dizzy.

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Is somebody spinning the library?

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'This candy bar was starting to smell rotten,

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'no matter what a pretty package they put her in.'

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'It was time for me to have a heart-to-heart

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'with Little Miss Sweetness.'

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Everywhere you go, you leave a trail of misery.

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Can I help it if people like me?

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I was born delicious.

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You're mixed up with a bad crowd and I want to know why.

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What do you want me to say?

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That I'm sweet and pure like Suzy Applecheeks there?

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Well, I'm not. I'm exciting and unique and...and...

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complicated!

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SHE SOBS

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I'll say.

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Here.

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I hate to see candy cry.

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A Big Boss bar?

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Buster, you don't want to eat this.

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Yes, Mom, I do.

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At least, I think I do. I just want all the facts first.

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Well, you've come to the right place.

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Want to take a tour with me of Rabid Dog headquarters?

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-You can do that?

-I've got a few favours I can call in.

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'Every Rabid Dog product is made with the finest ingredients.

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'Our tri-enzomated zorn jelly comes from pure zorn extracts.

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'Each molecule is lovingly crafted by over 100 scientists.'

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-But what is it?

-It's our special ingredient.

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I'd tell ya, but then it wouldn't be a secret.

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Hmm-hmm, Bitsy Baxter from the Elwood City Times,

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thank you for meeting us, Mr...

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Just call me Supreme Dog, we're very informal here.

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Well, if it's all right, Mr Supreme Dog,

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my son has a few questions about your Big Boss Bar.

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Like why they're so darn tasty?

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No, like why my friends can't stop eating them.

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Oh, that's easy. I'll show you.

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When you bite into a Big Boss Bar, molecules of tri-enzomated zorn jelly

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attach themselves to parts of your brain and make you happy.

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But when the little molecules die, your brain gets sad.

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Until you eat some more.

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Are you saying these candy bars are...addictive?

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Certainly not, ahem, I am saying they're delicious.

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Whatever you're saying, I don't want this any more. Here, you eat it.

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Uh, no, thanks, I just had one.

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No, you didn't. You'd still be sparkling, or jumping.

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Easy, little feller. Just put the bar down.

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Take a bite, it's your product.

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No, keep it away from me! Keep it away from me!

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'We are sorry to inform you

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'that Supreme Dog has had to take a personal day.

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'The interview is over.'

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I think I know what tomorrow's headline is going to be.

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Candy Company Cons Kids!

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The ace reporter had a new story, and I had los my sweet tooth.

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Sorry, kiddo, but I'm going to cut you loose.

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I thought you were my friend, but you're just like all the others.

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You made me feel like a million bucks, baby,

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but now I know that was the tri-enzomated zorn jelly talking.

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And the polytartaric thyglycamine.

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Oh!

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SHE SOBS

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Big Boss Bars! Two for a quarter!

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Ever since this newspaper article came out, no one's buying.

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It'll take me years to unload this junk.

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Don't worry, with the amount of chemicals in them,

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they'll stick around for centuries.

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I sunk plenty into this scam and now I'm eating it.

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It beats eating those!

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You said a mouthful, Buster.

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A big, sparkling mouthful.

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# Every day when you're walking down the street

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# And everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say hey

-Hey! What a wonderful kind of day

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# Hey! What a wonderful kind of day Hey! #

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