To Eat or Not to Eat Arthur

# Every day when you're walkin' down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm The rhythm of the street

# Open up your eyes! Open up your ears!

# Get together and make things better by working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

Hey, DW!

-Hey!

-Whoa!

THUD

BUSTER BAXTER: 'Elwood City. A place where any crazy thing can happen.

'And usually does.

'Something was in the air that night,

'as tantalising as a fresh big cherry pie

'cooling on Grandma's window sill.

-SIREN

-'A crazy stew was brewing,

'the ingredients boiling in a pressure cooker like a can of soda,

'ready to explode.

'All this talk about food was making me hungry.

'I grabbed an apple...

'..and then SHE walked in.'

HE GASPS

You've got to help me.

SPLUTTERS

EVIL CACKLE

My super-cool lozzle-slush cup-a-tron

will give you a bionic brain-freeze.

New, new, new from Rabid Dog Extreme,

the radically rabid Big Boss Bar.

So full of super-energising goodness, your mouth might just explode!

A million sparkles in every bite.

You'll flip for the spark!

Rabid Dog!

GROWLING

We have just witnessed greatness.

Don't you want to watch the rest of the cartoon?

Got...to...have...it.

27, 28...

29!

Oh, yeah! Sweet, sweet candy bars.

Mine, all mine!

Aw! I'm too late.

-GASPS

-Ah-ha!

A million sparkles in every bite.

I wonder what would happen if I swallowed it whole?

Oh, it looks so good.

I've got to have it. But it's the last one.

So good. Last one.

Maybe I'll save it for lunch.

Tofu stew with organic veggies

and the merest whisper of ground cardamom.

Enjoy!

I'm more interested in dessert.

May I see it?

"Azoshin tetratartic monoxide acid.

"Concentrated monopazomidetetradoxide substitute.

"Tri-enzomated zorn jelly?!"

What's that?

Beats me. And I know food.

Be wary of ingredients you've never heard of - and can't pronounce.

You're better off with this. Fresh off the tree - and on the house.

Erm... Well, maybe I'll try to find out what it is.

It's probably harmless.

Sorry, but I can't help you out.

Come on, Binky, I'll pay you back.

George, I'm not a charity.

I need to take care of my paying customers.

More sparkles, if you please.

Thanks!

Later!

'I was getting a funny feeling about this candy.

'Sure, kids are sweet for sweets,

'but something about this bar wasn't on the up and up.'

Spill it, sugar. What's the beef?

'I said, mixing my food metaphors.'

They're spreading lies about me. Horrible lies.

Bum rap, huh? Who's spreading lies, cupcake?

The Candyman. He knows the truth.

But he won't say.

'Whoever this Candyman was,

'I bet he had answers. And I had questions.'

'Plenty of them.'

I'm on the case, sweetheart.

What are YOU looking at, fruit snack?

DOG BARKS

TYRES SCREECH

SPLUTTERS

THEY ALL ARGUE

More sparkles! More sparkles!

SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY

It's all there, I swear.

It better be.

Mmm... Yay!

LAUGHS

It contains an impressive array of chemicals.

Most of the Periodic Table of Elements is included here.

Even some of the radioactive ones.

LAUGHS AND WHOOPS

That would explain some things.

Look! Oxylavamonotrine. That's a colouring agent.

It's made out of bugs.

Could you repeat that? I thought you said, "bugs".

I did say bugs.

That blood-red colour comes from boiled female cochineal insects.

There are bugs in this?

What about this - tri-enzomated zorn jelly?

Is that made from bugs too?

I don't know, I've never heard of it.

But whatever it is, there's a whole lot of it in there.

You can tell because it's one of the first ingredients listed,

so there's more than the ones listed below.

'This egghead stuff was too much for me.

'It was going to take some old-fashioned detective work

'to crack this case.'

'The Candyman was a wash,

'but I figured I might pick up a clue if I followed the dame.

'We ended up in the seedy section of town.

'A nasty neighbourhood where the worst ingredients hung out.

'Suddenly, the Candyman slithered out of the shadows.

'What was she doing with these creeps?

'I'd have to dig deep to find the answers.'

OK, let's see what the Rabid Dog homepage has on...

tri-enzomated zorn jelly.

MANIC BARKING AND NOISE

Shh!

-NOISE STOPS

-OK, let's see.

"Candy, an important part of every meal."

Ah, "ingredients".

GASPS

The type is so small.

Ah, here we go. Tri-enzomated zorn jelly.

Huh? What happened?

Weird.

GROANING

THEY MOAN

I feel hot and dizzy.

Is somebody spinning the library?

'This candy bar was starting to smell rotten,

'no matter what a pretty package they put her in.'

'It was time for me to have a heart-to-heart

'with Little Miss Sweetness.'

Everywhere you go, you leave a trail of misery.

Can I help it if people like me?

I was born delicious.

You're mixed up with a bad crowd and I want to know why.

What do you want me to say?

That I'm sweet and pure like Suzy Applecheeks there?

Well, I'm not. I'm exciting and unique and...and...

complicated!

SHE SOBS

I'll say.

Here.

I hate to see candy cry.

A Big Boss bar?

Buster, you don't want to eat this.

Yes, Mom, I do.

At least, I think I do. I just want all the facts first.

Well, you've come to the right place.

Want to take a tour with me of Rabid Dog headquarters?

-You can do that?

-I've got a few favours I can call in.

'Every Rabid Dog product is made with the finest ingredients.

'Our tri-enzomated zorn jelly comes from pure zorn extracts.

'Each molecule is lovingly crafted by over 100 scientists.'

-But what is it?

-It's our special ingredient.

I'd tell ya, but then it wouldn't be a secret.

Hmm-hmm, Bitsy Baxter from the Elwood City Times,

thank you for meeting us, Mr...

Just call me Supreme Dog, we're very informal here.

Well, if it's all right, Mr Supreme Dog,

my son has a few questions about your Big Boss Bar.

Like why they're so darn tasty?

No, like why my friends can't stop eating them.

Oh, that's easy. I'll show you.

When you bite into a Big Boss Bar, molecules of tri-enzomated zorn jelly

attach themselves to parts of your brain and make you happy.

But when the little molecules die, your brain gets sad.

Until you eat some more.

Are you saying these candy bars are...addictive?

Certainly not, ahem, I am saying they're delicious.

Whatever you're saying, I don't want this any more. Here, you eat it.

Uh, no, thanks, I just had one.

No, you didn't. You'd still be sparkling, or jumping.

Easy, little feller. Just put the bar down.

Take a bite, it's your product.

No, keep it away from me! Keep it away from me!

'We are sorry to inform you

'that Supreme Dog has had to take a personal day.

'The interview is over.'

I think I know what tomorrow's headline is going to be.

Candy Company Cons Kids!

The ace reporter had a new story, and I had los my sweet tooth.

Sorry, kiddo, but I'm going to cut you loose.

I thought you were my friend, but you're just like all the others.

You made me feel like a million bucks, baby,

but now I know that was the tri-enzomated zorn jelly talking.

And the polytartaric thyglycamine.

Oh!

SHE SOBS

Big Boss Bars! Two for a quarter!

Ever since this newspaper article came out, no one's buying.

It'll take me years to unload this junk.

Don't worry, with the amount of chemicals in them,

they'll stick around for centuries.

I sunk plenty into this scam and now I'm eating it.

It beats eating those!

You said a mouthful, Buster.

A big, sparkling mouthful.

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# And everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say hey

-Hey! What a wonderful kind of day

# Hey! What a wonderful kind of day Hey! #