Don't Ask Muffy Arthur


Don't Ask Muffy

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# Every day when you're walkin' down the street, everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day if you learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# Gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open up your eyes, open up your ears

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# And make things better by working together

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# It's a simple message

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# And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself for that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

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-# We can learn to work and play, get along with each other!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day! Hey! What a wonderful kind of day! HEY! #

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-Hey, DW!

-HEY!

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"Accept gifts from an unlikely source."

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I never get real a fortune! "You'll get an A on your geography test."

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I'll take it. I save them all.

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"You'll go on a long trip someday." It's true! I did go on a long trip!

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But the one I got was just advice.

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They're the best! Do you know what some people do to get good advice?

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-They climb high mountains in Tibet.

-WIND HOWLS

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Oh, wise teacher, what is the meaning of life?

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SPEAKS TIBETAN

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Oh, no, I've forgot my Tibetan-English dictionary!

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'Some people buy tons of books.'

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-I'm looking for a book on how to become a comedian.

-Sure.

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Would you like "Comedy For Dopes", "Comedy For Imbeciles"

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or "Comedy For Complete Dodos"?

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'Some people go to psychiatrists for advice.'

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I dreamed I was chasing a jelly doughnut.

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-I tried to grab it, but it kept rolling away.

-Uh-hm.

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-How does that make you feel?

-Hungry.

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I never thought of it like that. OK, I'll keep mine.

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I already put it in here. How about this one?

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-"You've give things away too easily."

-HE GASPS

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Here - the latest issue of The Frensky Star!

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I thought you'd stopped writing gossip.

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-I did. I only publish REAL news now.

-"Sugar Bowl replaces Arnie."

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-Tell them about the new column.

-Oh, yeah.

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Muffy, who's paying for the copying, has an advice column.

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It's called Ask Muffy.

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-I'll tell you how to solve your problems. I'm listening!

-Darn!

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Why do you have branches in your locker?

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Because... Because I like trees. You got a problem with that?!

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ALL: No!

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-ARTHUR LAUGHS

-"My butler's birthday is coming up, and I have no idea what to get him.

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"What's an appropriate gift?" Signed anonymous.

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-What does she answer?

-"You can't go wrong with expensive chocolates."

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-That's true!

-What a dumb question! Who's "anonymous", anyway?

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-Is he that geek with red hair?

-It could be anyone.

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-People call themselves that if they don't wanna be found out.

-Really?!

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So, someone could ask for advice and no-one would know it's them?

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That's right. Not only do I listen, I'm also discreet.

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-Now, which one of you wants to be my assistant?

-Why do you need one?

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-ONE person wrote in with a problem. You!

-That was to encourage people.

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Once the column gets popular, I'll need lots of help. Who will it be?

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I'll just have to find someone else to help me eat these chocolates.

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-I never recommend something without trying it.

-Wait up!

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I type 10 words a minute, and can start right away!

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Still no questions! Why aren't people writing in?

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You should come up with a topic - some common problem every kid has.

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What if I came up with a topic? A common problem every kid has!

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-That's what I just said.

-Got it! "What to do about split ends."

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-They can ruin a perm.

-COMPUTER: 'You have mail.'

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"Dear Muffy, I have a ballet recital coming up

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"and I play this oak tree that turns into a pigeon.

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"I want my friends to see it,

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"but they don't know I do ballet and I'm afraid they'll laugh.

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"What should I do?" - signed A-nini-mouse.

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Yey! A question! This is just the beginning!

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I'll be as big as Hoprah, the queen of talk shows!

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APPLAUSE

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Do you want to redecorate your bedroom?! Let's get real here!

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I...I do!

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- I can't hear you! - I do! I do!

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-CHEERING

-There! Doesn't that feel better?

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Thank you, Dr Bill.

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It's so good to get down to important stuff

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like the power of redecorating!

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CHEERING

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Before we go, let's remember our wish lists.

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I wish for great ratings, more free designer clothes

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and for you all to keep having problems so I can solve them!

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Tune in tomorrow when everyone gets a free make-over!

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AUDIENCE: Muffy, Muffy, Muffy!

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-Hey, aren't you going to answer that email?

-Oh, yeah.

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You wanna give me the cupcake or wear it?

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You have till three to decide. One...two...

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So did you read today's Star? I solved your ballet problem!

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Ballet problem? What are you talking about?

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Scram!

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-How did you know it was me?

-I recognised your email address.

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-So what did you think of my advice?

-It stank!

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-I can't move to Baltimore!

-Baltimore has great ballet. It's very trendy.

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-People say it's the next Seattle.

-I'm not moving.

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I'll invite one friend to the show, and then invite more the next time.

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-Who told you to do that?!

-Someone better at giving advice than you!

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When they write "anonymous",

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you should keep their identity a secret.

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We've got competition!

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That's OK! Crosswires are bred to compete!

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Well, Baxters are bred to eat!

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When do we get more chocolates? Huh?! Wait up!

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I've a question. Even though I'm a championship badminton player,

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I'm not sure if you pronounce the N.

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Is it "badminton" or "badmitton"?

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People use both. Use the version you're comfortable with. OK! Thanks!

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-Why do we have to sit here? Can't we join the crowd?

-Are you crazy?

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Those kids could think I'VE come for advice!

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Oh, I still can't see him!

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Ow! I think I sat on a can!

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You didn't say anything about spying from dangerous bushes.

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They're leaving! Come on!

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-Where is he?!

-Hey, a guitar case!

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Maybe there's an advice-giving guitar inside.

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-Step away from the case!

-YOU?! You're the good advice giver?!

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Someone asked me a question. I told them what I thought.

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These kids started coming here. It's kind of a drag.

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This is where I come to practise my skate tricks. Umph!

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SHE SIGHS I used to be able to do that one.

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Molly, can I ask you a question?

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Why not? Everyone else does.

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What do I do? I told my friend I'd help her, but now I don't want to.

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-That'll stump her!

-The direct route is the best.

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-Just tell her how you feel.

-OK. I quit!

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OK, they want Molly, they'll get Molly!

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Excuse me, I'm looking for the kind music

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a grimy, skateboarding fourth-grader would listen to.

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JARRING ROCK MUSIC

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Ohhh! Ohhh!

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Owwww!

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ROCK MUSIC

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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-"Sugar Bowl awning gets cleaned." Is that news?

-It was a slow week.

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Look out! I'm coming through!

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Tell me your problems. I'm listening.

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DOORBELL

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-How much do you want?

-Muffy?! Is that you?

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I'm serious. How's 50% of the talk show's profit?

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Just tell me your secret to giving good advice!

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Do you have a chair? I think I'm going to fall down.

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Come in. You look terrible.

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Why are you so into this advice thing?

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-So I can be rich and successful like Hoprah.

-You're already rich!

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-You can't be successful at something you're lame at.

-Lame?!

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-You're calling me, Mary Alice Crosswire, lame?

-Yeah, cos you don't listen.

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The Crosswires are successful at anything...

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-What did you say?!

-The secret to giving good advice is listening.

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-Haven't you read Hoprah's book?

-No.

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You should. Before you pursue a career as a talk show host.

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OK. You really do give good advice. Thanks, Molly.

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Hey, I'm not giving you MY copy! Buy your own, moneybags!

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I might not be so good at listening,

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but I can spot a fashion faux pas from a mile away!

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Those bangs - they're very dreary.

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Show off your cheekbones, girl!

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TINKLING, ETHEREAL MUSIC

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AUDIENCE: Wonderful! WHISTLING AND CHEERING

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Subtitles by TFL Ltd BBC Broadcast - 2003

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