Fernkenstein's Monster Arthur


Fernkenstein's Monster

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# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears!

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# Get together, make things better By working together

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# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

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# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

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# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

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-Hey, DW!

-Hey...

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Who wrote Frankenstein? It was Mary Shelley, at age 19.

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How did this young girl create the most famous monster in the world?

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She was on vacation with her friends in the Swiss Alps.

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They decided on a contest to see who could tell the scariest story.

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And now the ghost, too weak to haunt

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Once more shall fade, as is his wont.

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The end.

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Your turn, Mary.

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I am by birth a Genovese. My family is one of the most distinguished...

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'Out of this friendly competition, a masterpiece of horror was born.'

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..He was borne away by the waves and lost in darkness and distance.

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Well, that's Frankenstein.

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I know it needs work, guys, but what do you think? Guys?!

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If Mary Shelley can scare the world with her brilliant story,

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-then maybe

-I

-can do it too.

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How can it rain for three straight days?

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-We're trapped inside with nothing to do.

-I know something we can do.

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-Let's see who can tell the scariest story.

-Ooh, I love scary stories.

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Really scary stories!

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Yeah, no baby stuff. It has to be as scary as you can make it.

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OK, OK. I've got a really good one. There was this vampire...

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No, wait! It was a giant, radioactive lizard.

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No, wait! It was a giant, radioactive, VAMPIRE lizard!

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And he was really, really scary. The end!

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That wasn't scary, Buster! It wasn't even a story!

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I'll give you a scary story.

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There was this girl and she went to this dance.

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Her dress and accessories were perfect. She danced and danced.

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It made her thirsty. She went for punch,

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but the clumsy oaf in front of her tripped over his cheap shoes.

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His punch spilt all over her dress, and the stain would never come out.

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-Was that supposed to be scary?

-Fine! Your turn, Arthur - scare me.

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OK. You asked for it.

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There was this kid.

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On his birthday, he got a hideous and mysterious pair of underwear.

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He buried them in his underwear drawer, and that was that.

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The next day, he was forced to go to the board and do long division.

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Suddenly, his pants fell down... and there it was -

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the mysterious underwear, the underwear he had never put on,

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the underwear he thought he had buried for ever!

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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Oh! Arthur, you've got to get over your underwear obsession!

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You split your pants months ago. It's over! Move on!

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I guess it's my turn now.

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My story is true.

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It happened to my uncle. He's the one who saw the...Thing.

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The...Thing?!

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-My uncle's an entomologist.

-A what?

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A person who studies insects - bugs, beetles, that sort of thing.

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AAGH!

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That's not the scary part!

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Anyway, he's a scientist. Stuff like that doesn't bother him.

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But there was this one time...

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One night, as a graduate student,

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my uncle was working late in the lab with one of his professors.

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It was raining heavily.

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They were unpacking specimens from an expedition to the Congo.

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Some of the insects were large.

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-How large?

-My uncle recalled a beetle with two-foot long pincers -

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-the Congolese pincer pod.

-Yee-oo!

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Anyway, it was late, and the professor decided to go home.

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He had no umbrella,

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so he looked around for one somebody might have left behind.

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My uncle kept working. He started to open the last crate,

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and was surprised to find that it was already open.

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-"That's odd," he remarked.

-Weird!

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Just then, the old professor called out that he had found an umbrella.

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It was a plain umbrella, with a long, wooden handle.

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The only distinguishing mark was a green emerald on the handle -

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a large, round jewel that caught the light and glinted.

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It looked almost as if it had blinked, like some kind of eye.

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My uncle walked the old professor to the door

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so he could lock up after him.

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The professor stepped out into the rain and opened the umbrella.

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There was a high-pitched buzzing, then a rattle of scales and wings.

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My uncle could see this was no umbrella. It was some kind of a...

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-Thing?

-He saw with horror

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that the wings were lined with hundreds of writhing stingers.

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It folded the stinging wings over the old professor,

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and my uncle heard something like a satisfied slurp,

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then, with a bloodcurdling shriek, the Thing flew off into the night.

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The professor was never seen again.

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BELL RINGS Aagh!

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I just couldn't sleep - couldn't get that story out of my head.

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I know. I closed my eyes and all I could see were writhing stingers.

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I kept hearing the satisfied slurp.

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And the bloodcurdling shriek...

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-Hey! Isn't it beautiful today?

-Why did you tell us about the Thing?

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Yeah! I was so happy before!

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How does your uncle sleep at night?

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Muffy, I don't have an uncle and there is no Thing!

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I made it up! You guys know that!

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-You said it was true. Were you lying?

-No.

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Saying that it all really happened was just part of the story.

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It's a common storytelling device.

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-By the way, Mary Shelley used it too.

-But those details -

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the lab and the rain and the insects - you made it sound so real!

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Yeah, well, that's what a good storyteller does.

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It's not real, so get over it.

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-I can still hear the bloodcurdling shriek.

-And that satisfied slurp.

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And those writhing stingers - who could forget about those?

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-Come on! It's just stuff I made up.

-You know what's really scary, Fern?

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-Your brain! I mean, how could you think up a story like that?

-Easily!

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And I could think up even scarier ones if I tried.

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Listen to this! It was a dark and stormy night...

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-Aah!

-Let's get out of here!

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'Fraidy cats!

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BUSTER WHISTLES

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-Hi, Buster!

-Aagh!

-Relax!

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-I wanted to remind you about the library book sale.

-Can't hear you!

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-Hey, Arthur, will you help me with this?

-Wh-what's in there?

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-Oh, Arthur, it's just...

-No! Keep your scary stories to yourself.

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Scare Your Pants Off books are always hot items at the book sale.

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Are you sure you want to part with these, Fern?

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Yeah. Since I read Frankenstein, I found them all kind of tame.

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Wait till I plug in these lights - a touch of glitz for the book sale!

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Be right back.

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Welcome to the totally unscary book sale!

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Here, everybody - garlic. Prunella said it would protect us.

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-What's with the garlic?

-Begone, Queen of Darkness!

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-Your powers mean nothing here!

-I am NOT the Queen of Darkness...

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ALL SCREAM

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Um, what caused this blackout, do you think?

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I blew a circuit when I plugged in the fancy-schmanzy sign.

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Hi! We've got lots of Scare Your Pants Off books today.

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-Everybody likes a good scare.

-Not everybody.

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Well, if you don't want scary, we've got plenty of options here today.

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Captain Underpants And The Wrath Of The Wicked Wedgie Woman!

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-So funny! I loved it!

-How about this one? It's a real tearjerker.

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-Old Yeller.

-It's so sad. I cried and cried.

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Me too. A good writer can make you feel anything.

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You're right.

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Arthur, I'm not ready to go!

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-Guys, I'm not the Queen of Darkness and I can prove it.

-Yeah, right(!)

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My story was scary, but I can make it unscary. Just listen.

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-No way!

-The umbrella doesn't HAVE to turn into the Thing!

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-I can make it into anything you like.

-It's a trick.

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No, listen. I could make it turn into something wonderful, like...

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-like a dragon.

-Dragons are scary!

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Not this one! When the old professor opens the umbrella,

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it transforms into a golden dragon!

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Golden is good! Platinum is better!

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OK! It's a platinum dragon!

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And it knows the way to a secret cave full of, you know, treasures -

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-jewels and really great, um...

-Accessories! And shoes!

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Lots of shoes!

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Shoes?! I don't get it.

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-Or maybe the umbrella turns into something else, like...

-Like?

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An alien?

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..But a nice one!

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-Does it always have to be aliens?

-No.

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The umbrella can have superpowers. Hold on to it and you can...

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-Fly?

-Fly! And rid the world of evil-doers!

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Stop! Stop it, all of you! You're ruining the Thing!

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DW, what are you talking about? You don't even know what the Thing is.

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I have ears! For two days now, the Thing is all you've talked about.

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The slurp, the shriek, the stingers!

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-I want them back in!

-But it's too scary, DW!

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-It could be scarier. I had a couple of ideas.

-Oh, yeah? Like what?

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The big horrible Thing should break up into a lot of horrible Things.

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I like the platinum dragon.

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You mean, like lots of spiders or scorpions running around?

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That kind of thing? That's good!

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BOTH: We can't hear you! Can't hear you...

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The little horrible things are really bloodthirsty...

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Subtitles by Judith Russell BBC Broadcast 2004

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E-mail us at [email protected]

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