Bin Man Nev Bear Behaving Badly


Bin Man Nev

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Nev.

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Nev!

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MUMBLES

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Hello, mate. Can you come and help me set the table, please?

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-OK.

-HE HUMS

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One, two, three.

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-We have a breakfast guest. Remember who's birthday it is?

-Beetroot!

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Oh, Beatrice...

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I've invited her for porridge and jam.

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Jam! Jam!

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She'll be here in ten minutes. Try not to make a mess. OK?

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No problemo!

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Thanks for that(!)

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Zippedy-yeah!

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-This porridge smells funny. I think I've burnt it.

-More jam.

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More jam?

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Mate, I've used nine jars already.

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Beetroot!

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-I don't think she's gonna want to eat this.

-Why?

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What do you mean, why? Oh, never mind.

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Hey, Beatrice, happy birthday!

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..Thanks.

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Oh, do come in.

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Happy beetroot!

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Thanks, Nev.

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My birthday breakfast?

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Yeah, that's right. Voila!

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Ta-da!

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Oh... Thank you.

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Yum-yum.

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Oh.

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I think I am going to go and wash my hands first.

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You know where the bathroom is.

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It's the room with the bath in it.

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It's the room with the bath in it, Nev. Hey, it's going well.

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Yeah-yeah.

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Oh!

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Many happy returns of the day, Beatrice.

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Hello, Keith.

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Oh, yeah, never ask a woman her age. What is it? 30?

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40?

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-OK, so how's the birthday breakfast, then?

-It's very nice.

-I'll bet.

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I'll leave you in peace. Will you hit the flush, please?

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-FLUSHES

-Lemony Crush, oh!

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Wakadoo!

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BURPS

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Thanks for breakfast. I think I'll be off now, guys.

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-You've hardly eaten anything!

-I'm not really that hungry.

-Hungry.

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-Please help yourself, Nev.

-Don't leave so soon, Beatrice.

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'Course she is leaving, you lummock. What a mess! You live like animals.

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-No way, Jose!

-BURPS AGAIN

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We can tidy all that up. I'll tell you what, Beatrice, how is this?

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Why don't you come round for lunch in a nice clean and tidy flat?

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-That sounds lovely. Thank you, Barney.

-OK, see you later.

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-Keith's right. We must get the place sorted by lunch time.

-Outta here.

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-Are you with me, Nev?

-Yeah-yeah.

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Keith, are you with...? Keith?

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Typical. Let's get started. I'll do the bathroom. You do in here. OK?

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Aye-aye, Captain!

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SNIFFS

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Agh!

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Oh, that stinks!

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Three, two, one.

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HE HUMS

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Oh-h-h-h-h!

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Who left that bin bag there?

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Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

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That bear!

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Run!

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OH!

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I'll get you for that, bear!

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Can't scare me.

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Oh!

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You can't hid in there for ever, bear.

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And when you come back out here,

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I'm going to use your pelt as a placemat.

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Can't scare me.

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Hello, what's going on? ..Oh, hello, Mr Prank.

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Hell, Mr Barney, sir. I was just cleaning your letterbox.

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Us caretakers know how dusty they get, sir.

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That's very thoughtful of you.

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Not at all, Mr Barney. Goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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Oh, phewie...

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-There - some more rubbish for you to take out.

-No, no, no!

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Yes. I've thrown those disgusting towels away.

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-It's no wonder Beatrice was scared off.

-Oh...

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I'll get you, bear.

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BLOWS RASPBERRY

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Oh. Can't scare me.

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When I get my hands on you, bear,

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I am going to use your ears as egg cosies.

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HE HUMS

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Oi, bear! SCREAMS

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OH!

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When I get my hands on that bear,

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I'm going to use his fur as a...

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I don't know - as something or other.

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HE HUMS

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AGH!

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HE SCREAMS

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Uncle!

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Uncle, Uncle, I want some ice cream, some chocolate-chip ice cream.

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-Uncle!

-What? What?

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I'm sorry, Uncle. I want some ice cream.

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Yeah, well...

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Oh...

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You can have as much ice cream as you like, my prince,

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if you do me...do me a favour.

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MEOW

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What kind of favour?

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It's a blue bear removal favour.

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YOWLS

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Oh, stop it!

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-Barney!

-What? I've almost got the bathroom in a state fit for a lady.

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Beatrice will be here in an hour. Have you thrown the bin bags away?

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Em...

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-Good on you, mate. I know you won't let me down.

-Oh, dear, oh, dear!

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What are you waiting for? Take out the rubbish.

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Don't be a fool. It's a jungle in that corridor. You've no chance.

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Don't let Barney down. Take out the rubbish.

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Don't do it!

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He should do it. No, he shouldn't!

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THEY BICKER AND ARGUE

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Hey, where's he gone?

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Don't ask me. I'm a duck.

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Looking good, Keithy boy.

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Excuse me!

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-Hello, did it suddenly get smaller in here?

-Excuse me.

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Oh, sorry, mate.

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Look, you can't go filling my home with rubbish. That's my job.

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-Sorry.

-I don't mind.

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It's the squealers - they like their personal space.

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-Don't you, guys?

-SQUEAKING

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-Why not put the bag down the chute or out to the bin?

-I'm frightened.

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What of? Oh, let me guess. The creepy caretaker in the corridor.

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-He threatening you again?

-Too right.

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-You need another plan to get rid of the rubbish.

-Yeah-yeah.

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Let's find somewhere else to put it.

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Shouldn't be too difficult. I'll help you. Come on.

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To me. Oh, mind me foot!

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Right, listen up, men!

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I am a busy man and I don't have time to hang around in corridors

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waiting for blue bears.

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No, Uncle.

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So I want you to wait in the corridor and intercept the target.

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YOWLS

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Now, listen. In order to dispose of the rubbish,

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the bear will have to visit either the bins here...

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or the rubbish chute here.

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To block his way, you station yourself in the corridor here.

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Clear?

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MEOW

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Oh, up the stairs and round the corner.

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-Got it.

-Good man.

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-And, Uncle.

-Yes?

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What do we do when we get the bear?

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Can I keep him, please, Uncle?

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No! You give him to me, my good man.

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And we introduce a new range of ice cream -

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stinky blue bear flavour.

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Yeah!

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Oh...

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-There you go, mate, spotless.

-Tip-top-aroo! Thanks, Crazy Keith.

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No worries, Nevy. Catch you later.

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Spotless and super clean.

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Wow, you've done a great job in here.

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-Hey, and just in time.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

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Beetroot!

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Hey!

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Happy birthday.

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-Again.

-Thank you.

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Come in.

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GROWLING

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Oh, it looks lovely!

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Very tidy.

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-All thanks to Nev.

-Sparkly.

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And I did the bathroom.

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Do you want to use it?

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-I am all right, thanks. Hello.

-Hello.

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-Are you sure you don't want to wash your hands?

-No.

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I washed them at my flat.

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-Brush your teeth? Shave your legs?

-What's this?

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Uh-oh!

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Well, that's not supposed to be there.

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Er, perhaps I'll sit on the sofa instead.

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SQUELCH

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Yeugh!

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What's the matter?

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There's something under this cushion.

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Yuk!

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Yucky.

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I'm so sorry. I don't know how that stuff got behind there.

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-This flat's normally clean and tidy.

-Too right.

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Why don't you step into the bathroom?

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-No.

-Wash your hands?

-No, I'll wipe it with some kitchen roll. Where is it?

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-Wait, I'll get that.

-No, no, no!

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Allow me.

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Oh!

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Problemo!

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I'm SO sorry.

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-Is your dress ruined?

-It's OK. It's fine. I can wash it. I can wash it.

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-Wait, Beatrice!

-Oh!

-MEOW

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-Is it the bear?

-MEOW

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Beatrice, I am really sorry about the mess. I'll clear it up.

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Why don't you come round later for a birthday tea.

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The flat will be clean.

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Well, what's for tea?

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Beans.

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OK, I'll see you later, Barney.

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Oh, great.

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See you later.

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MEOW, HISS

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Nev, why didn't you take the rubbish out?

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Frightened.

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Of what?

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-Out there.

-Listen to me.

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Beatrice has agreed to come for tea. It's our last chance.

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Can you please just take the rubbish and stick it down the chute?

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OK, Barney.

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Thank you very much.

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-Love you, Barney.

-Love you too.

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SIGHS

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Rubbish chute.

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HE HUMS

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-Hello, Nev.

-Bouncer Boy.

-HISS

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-SCREAMS

-Help!

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Ouch!

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Frightened.

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I'm going to get some beans for tea.

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-Hello, Bouncer Boy. How are you?

-Very well, Barney.

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I'll get the rubbish, then.

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Nev!

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I want the place spotless by the time I get back.

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Bouncer Boy, come here.

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Have you managed to capture the bear yet?

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Not exactly, Uncle.

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We had him...

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but he got away.

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Well, time for a change of tactics.

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We need to coax him out of his lair.

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Make him think he is safe.

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And then strike!

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Where shall we hide?

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Well, not in here.

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Follow me.

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MEOW

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Not that closely!

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We'll let the bear bring the rubbish all the way out here to the bins

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and then we'll grab him.

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-Should we hide behind the bins?

-No, he might see us.

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Get inside.

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-Are you sure?

-Of course. When have my plans ever failed?

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Exactly! Never. I'll give you a leg up.

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Come on.

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YOWLING Swing that leg up.

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Now, you stay in there quietly. When he gets close, grab him.

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-Will do.

-Right.

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Oh, come on.

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Oh, I love a plan. I love a plan.

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MEWS

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Nev, got the beans.

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Oh.

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Hello.

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Nev, I thought I asked you to clear the bin bags away.

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I know, I know.

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So why haven't you done?

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Frightened.

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We spoke about this earlier. There's nothing to be scared of out there.

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Look, follow me. I'll show you.

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Hello.

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Hello!

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See, there's nobody here. You're completely safe.

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OK, Barney.

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-Now please throw the rubbish away before Beatrice gets here.

-Aye-aye.

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Thank you.

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MEOW

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GROWLS

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NEV HUMS

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Locked.

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Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

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I know. I know.

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HUMS

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He's on his way, is he, Bandit? We won't let him escape this time.

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Nev, Beatrice is coming!

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Oh-h-h-h...

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Just a minute!

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-What are we going to do with all this mess?

-Problemo!

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We can pretend to be out.

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No, that is not going to work. Listen...

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We can put it under the floorboards!

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No room in my place, Barney!

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-I'd throw it all out in the bins.

-We can't get out that way.

-Go that way.

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-Throw it out the window.

-What?

-The bins are outside. Throw it right in.

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-It's got to be worth a try.

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Ah! ..Oh.

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Ugh!

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Yuk!

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Uncle!

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Nice work, Barney.

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-See ya.

-Tip-top-aroo.

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-Right, let's welcome in our guest.

-Yeah-yeah.

0:20:140:20:18

# We hope you like your birthday tea It's from Nev and me, Barney

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# Happy birthday, Beatrice Won't you please give me a kiss? #

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GASPS

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OK, so...so what I did was

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I couldn't find anything to rhyme with Beatrice. You don't have to...

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MWA-A!

0:20:350:20:36

-Zippedy-yeah!

-MWA-A! Thank you for a lovely birthday, boys.

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You're very welcome. Are you going to come again next year?

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Love you, Beetroot, Barney.

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-Love you too, mate.

-FARTS

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Excuse me.

0:20:530:20:56

No more beans for you.

0:20:590:21:02

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