Robot Rat Catcher Bear Behaving Badly


Robot Rat Catcher

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TV: 'Now, the base of your cake should be coming together nicely.'

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It's a bit runnier than yours, love!

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TV: 'And now it's time for the icing!'

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-Nev, you're up!

-Aye aye, captain!

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-Get a bowl for the icing.

-Yeah-yeah!

-Wicked.

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Ta-dah!

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Right. Well, I'm sure that'll do.

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TV: 'Your icing should be light and fluffy.'

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-BARNEY STRAINS

-Uh-oh!

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-What did you put in the icing, Nev?

-Er...

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Great. So we've got a cake like custard and icing like concrete.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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TV: 'So you see, this really is such a fun and easy cake to make!'

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-Where's the remote control?

-Grr! Shut up!

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-Oh, no!

-NEV GASPS

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Uh-oh!

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Oh, mate... Oh!

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It's actually not bad.

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Tasty!

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BUTTONS SQUELCH

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LOUD CRASH

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Aaargh!

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Oh!

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Zoom! Heh heh!

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Aah! You ain't seen me! I'm not here!

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-Hello, Keith!

-What have you done?

-Er... Nothing!

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-I'm innocent of what I'm about to be accused of!

-About to?

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Oh, got you!

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-Oh, sorry, Mr Barney, sir!

-Angry Pants!

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Yeah, hello, Mr Prank. Not sure if you've noticed,

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-but you seem to have caught me in a net.

-Eh? Oh, yes!

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Sorry, I was chasing someone who was stealing my ice cream.

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They were in that bucket.

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Not you, obviously! You're too tall.

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NEV GROWLS

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-Hello, bear!

-Before you start, it can't have been Nev.

-Oh.

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-No, no, no, no!

-Nobody wishes he was innocent more than me!

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We've been baking. Look at the state of him.

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He got flour here when he rolled the cake.

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He's got sugar under his armpit, that's gone sticky.

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And look, this bit here...

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I didn't know we had marzipan?

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-Yum yum!

-Well, it was someone, sir, wasn't it?

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And when I find out who it was, I'll tear them limb from limb!

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A-ha! Gotcha! Ooh!

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Oh, you certainly have!

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-You've caught me fair and square.

-Eh?

-Do with me what you will!

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Hi, Postie. Mr Prank is chasing someone who stole his ice cream.

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Ooh! It's probably that big rat I told you about!

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Rat? What rat?

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Oh, I've seen him a few times. Disgusting thing!

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He's got orangey-brown fur, and a nasty, horrible little face!

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-Hey!

-Oi!

-Aargh!

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I told you during that nice chat we had.

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Chat?! You were shouting through the letterbox!

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-Well, you two obviously have a lot to talk about.

-Yeah, we do!

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No, we don't!

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A rat, eh? I'm gonna catch him, and destroy him!

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This is one little furry creature I CAN stop messing with my life!

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HE CACKLES EVILLY

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KEVIN PANTS Phew!

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Do you guys hear that? "Quick, quick! Get the horrible, nasty rat!"

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They think I'm a rat!

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THE MICE SQUEAK Yeah, the cheek of it!

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I'm not a rat! I'm a lovely, cuddly Koala from Australia!

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How dare they! A rat?! Oh!

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TV BLARES, NEV GIGGLES

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-It's a shame that cake didn't work out, eh, Nev?

-Too right, bro!

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-At least we had fun trying.

-Yeah-yeah!

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-I love you, mate.

-Love you, Barney.

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Well, you won't mind taking a bath, then.

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-NEV SCREAMS

-No, no, no, no!

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Oi, come here!

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Oof!

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-No, no! Barney!

-Its just a bath, it'll take you two minutes!

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-No way, Jose!

-You scared?

-Can't scare me!

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Well, get in there. And wash behind your ears please.

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-I know, I know!

-Thank you. Well, that was easier than expected.

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NEV SINGS, HAIRDRYER BLOWS

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-I...

-Finished!

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-You're spotless, you're not even wet!

-No problemo!

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How did you...? When did you...?

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-SHUFFLING, MR PRANK MUTTERS

-What's that?

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-Oh, yes! It's here! And a speedy delivery too!

-Hello, Mr Prank.

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-What's going on?

-Oh, hello, Mr Barney, sir.

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I've just taken delivery of the solution to our rodent problem.

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-Really?

-Oh, yes! Allow me to introduce...

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The Robot Rat Catcher 5000!

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Oh!

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-ROBOTIC VOICE:

-I am the Robot Rat Catcher 5000!

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The finest rodent catching machine ever built! Rodents beware!

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Rodents beware!

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-Targeting!

-It's certainly impressive!

-Oh, yes!

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If we have a rat problem, he'll sort it out immediately, I'm sure.

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-Can't scare me!

-Rodents beware! Targeting!

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ALARM SOUNDS

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Target acquired! Target acquired!

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Mr Prank, it seems to be after Nev.

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It's a sophisticated piece of machinery,

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-he wouldn't make such a mistake.

-Exterminate small blue rodent!

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-Oh!

-Nev, get inside, quick.

-Oh!

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Don't worry, Mr Barney, I'll take care of it.

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Yeah, see that you do, please.

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-Exterminate small blue rodent!

-Now, listen.

-Exterminate...

-Listen!

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I'd love you to, but you can't destroy the little blue nuisance.

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-Blue nuisance!

-Not while Mr Barney's here.

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-Blue nuisance!

-Yeah, hang on, hang on. Let's see how to...

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-Blue nuisance!

-..reprogram you.

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WHIRRING Ahhhhh!

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Oh, no! Robot...!

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Nev, what do you make of that robot, quite scary, eh?

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-Barney, Barney! Scaredy pants!

-Obviously, I wasn't scared.

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-NEV CHUCKLES

-No, I'm far too manly and tough.

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Exterminate small blue rodent!

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-Oh, no!

-Exterminate small blue rodent! Exterminate...!

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Sorry, Mr Barney, sir! I think you needed a new door anyway.

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Must destroy blue rat!

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No way, Jose!

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Apologies, sir, he seems to be obsessed with young Neville!

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-Nev, leg it!

-Run!

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Oh, no... I think I've got it...!

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-You have selected extermination with jokes!

-Oh...!

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Why did the naughty chicken cross the road twice?

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-Because it was a no good double crosser!

-That's an odd feature.

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Why did the horse cross the road?

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It was the chicken's day off!

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Eurgh! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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-Can't you turn him off?

-I'm trying, sir!

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Target cornered! Maximum suction!

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-Did you press "off"?

-Of course!

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How do you start a teddy bear race?

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Ready, teddy, go-o-o-o-o...

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Oh! Oh, I see... THAT off button...!

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Oh! Ohhh...!

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I see the...er...weather forecast said it's going to be sunny today?

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You are shut down, robot, until I can fix this bit!

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I'll tighten this socket for you...

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-Phew! I'm glad that crazy robot has been shut down!

-Too right, bro!

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-Were you frightened?

-Can't scare me!

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-Ha! See, Nev? We're made of tough stuff!

-Yeah-yeah!

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We're creatures of the wild! Natural born survivors!

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We're the real kings of the jungle! I've got lightning-fast reactions,

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-the strength of an elephant, the speed of a cheetah!

-Barney!

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I've got the ears of a bat and I'm cuter than a rat!

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I'm too alert, too smart, too...

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Nevvie! Wait for me! Oh, wackadoo!

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Right, you two. I'm going to work for a couple of hours.

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Now, listen, this is very important.

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Are you listening? Stay away from Mr Prank and his crazy robot.

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-Angry Pants! Yeah-yeah!

-Got yer!

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-And don't go near his ice cream either.

-No, no, no, no!

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Keith?

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-Er, yeah, got you, buddy-boy!

-Promise?

-Promise!

-OK, I...

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-KEITH ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

-I'll see you later, then.

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-Love you, Barney!

-Love you too, mate, ta-ra.

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-Did he just say something?

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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KEITH ROARS WITH LAUGHTER AGAIN

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I'll get you now, Mr Rat! Let me see you try and get past that!

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Cos it takes a rat to catch a rat!

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Ooh! I'm a little ratty! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

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Oh, look! Some nice man has left some ice cream out for me! Ooh!

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Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy! Ice cream in my tummy!

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Ooh! That's all very lovely...!

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-Mr Barney, sir.

-Mr Prank.

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Oh, Mr Barney,

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I'd just like to apologise for the misunderstanding earlier.

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Oh, when your psycho robot went on the rampage and destroyed my flat

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-and then tried to exterminate my best friend?

-Y-Yes...yes.

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Sorry about that. I'm glad you understand, though, sir.

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Anyway, I was just going out to buy you a door...and a vase.

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-And a lamp.

-Yes.

-And what's robot rat-features still doing here?

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Oh, he's fine now, I found the instructions.

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And...

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He's programmed to go after anyone who tries to steal the ice cream.

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Oh, I see. THAT'S INTERESTING, THAT!

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-You all right, sir?

-Yeah. I just think it's very interesting

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that if anyone goes after the ice cream, the robot will chase them.

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-Well, yeah, I suppose so.

-Yeah, anybody. Myself, or anyone listening

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would be crazy, CRAZY to go after the ice cream. Wouldn't they?

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Banged your head recently, sir, have you?

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I haven't, no. I must be off, cos I know you're busy too.

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-Lots of work to do, replacing doors and everything.

-Yeah.

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Bye!

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Now, listen, you so-far useless piece of tin,

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I'm going out to buy Mr Barney's new door,

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and when I come back, you better have caught my rat!

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PFFRRT!

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No, it couldn't have been, no...

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KEITH GASPS Oh, ice cream!

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-NEV GASPS

-Keith!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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-Keep away from the ice cream man!

-I 100% agree!

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-Really?

-Absolutely! I saw what that psycho robot did earlier!

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-You'd have to be barmy to go near it!

-Loopy!

-Insane!

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-Who do we know like that?

-Err...

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ALARM SOUNDS

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KEITH PANTS

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-Keith!

-Oh...! We may have a little problemo!

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-Exterminate rats! Exterminate rats!

-Ohh!

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-Or a great big very scary robot problemo!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Don't worry, Nev, I've got a plan. I'll hide and you distract him.

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I'm sure after a couple of hours he'll calm down.

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-Exterminate rats!

-Hopefully!

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Look, I'm gonna go down under for a bit. It's not that I'm scared,

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it's just that I...I...I...

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-I need to feed me squealers, yeah.

-Wait!

-Exterminate rats!

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-Can't scare me!

-Exterminate rats!

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Ooh! Fwitened! Waah!

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Exterminate rats! Exterminate rats! Must destroy rats!

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Oh, wackadoo! You gotta do something to distract that crazy robot, Nevvie,

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or I'm in trouble big stylie! Ohh!

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Must destroy rat! Must destroy rat!

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GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS

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HIGH PITCHED MUMBLING

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LOW MUMBLING, FOLLOWED BY HIGH PITCHED MUMBLING

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This puppet show is terrible!

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It sucks! Sucks! Sucks!

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NEV WHIMPERS

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Gone!

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Waah!

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Aargh!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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KEITH WHIMPERS

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If I stay here, I'll be fine, I'll be OK.

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CRASH, KEITH SCREAMS

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But my buddy Nev might not be! Oh, I can't leave him up there alone...

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Come on, Keith! Get it together, mate!

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Hang on, Nevvie! I'm coming!

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-Must destroy rat! Must destroy rat!

-For the last time,

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I'm not a rat, I'm a koala!

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-Must destroy Koala!

-That's better!

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-Hide!

-Eh? Waah!

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Must destroy koala!

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Must destroy koala!

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Must destroy koala!

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Roll up, roll up, one and all, and see

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a splendiferous spectacle of stupendous daring deeds,

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as the miraculously magnificent marvel of the spinning plates

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is performed by the great Nevvino!

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# Da, da, da, da, da, da!

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# Da, da, da, da, doodle-oodle-ee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee... #

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KEITH CONTINUES TO SING

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Keep going, Nevvie!

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KEITH BEGINS SINGING AGAIN

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Rodents beware! Targeting!

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-ALARM SOUNDS

-Must destroy rodent!

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-Exterminate rats!

-Aargh!

-Exterminate rats!

-Aargh

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-Exterminate rats!

-Oh, wackadoo! I'm a koala! Oh...!

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-Exterminate rats!

-Oh, crikey!

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Exterminate rats! Exterminate rats!

0:17:090:17:13

Exterminate rats!

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-Exterminate rats!

-Oh!

-Exterminate rats!

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Exterminate rats! Exterminate rats!

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-Exterminate rats!

-Mondo problemo!

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KEITH WHIMPERS

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Whoo!

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Ooh! Ahhh...!

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Oh!

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Oh!

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Ouch! My foot!

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Ouch! My foot!

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Warning! Warning! Overload! Overload!

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R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R...

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I am a robot and so are you!

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NEV LAUGHS

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Babble babble babble-e-e-e-e...

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Hello!

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Oh, you did it, Nev! You saved us!

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-Shabadia!

-Were you scared?

-Can't scare me!

-Nah, me neither!

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-R-R-R-R-Ring-d-ding-dong!

-BOTH: Aaargh!

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MR PRANK LAUGHS

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Oh, yes! My trap has been sprung!

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The Robot Ratcatcher must have caught the rat!

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LOUD MUSIC PLAYS Robot! Robot, where are you?

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-I'm in here!

-Ohh...! I knew it!

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That little blue bear got involved, and now HE'S been trapped!

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Robot?

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-Oi! Robot!

-Call me Ronnie.

-Never mind that!

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-Where's my rat?

-There was no rat, it was all in your imagination.

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-What are you talking about?!

-Chill out, Angry Pants!

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Angry Pants?! My name is Andy Prank, and don't you forget it,

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you big bag of crazy nuts and bolts!

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-Grrr!

-Oh!

-This is all your fault, bear!

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-What have you done to my lovely robot?

-Pfffrrrt!

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Achoo!

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Why, you little... Ooh!

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NEV LAUGHS Ooh! Oh...!

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I'll get you for this, bear! Ooh!

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Oh, hello, Mr Barney, sir! Ooh!

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Just another day for you, eh?

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Too right, bro! Heh, heh!

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NEV YAWNS

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Looking forward to a peaceful night's sleep?

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-Yeah-yeah!

-Saving Keith from being exterminated.

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-Aye aye, captain!

-Well done, mate, he'd have been a goner.

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Do you think he'll leave Mr Prank's ice cream alone?

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-No, no, no, no!

-More importantly, when's it gonna stop?

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Oh, no, here's another one coming on!

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My dog has no nose. How does he smell?

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Terrible! What do you get if you cross a vampire

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with a snowman? Frostbite!

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Ouch!

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