Ice Cream Celebrity Chef Bear Behaving Badly

There you go, mate. All ready to go.

-Groovy.

-Yeah. She should be a real beaut flyer.

More. More, Keith. Ah, no worries, mate.

-Plenty more where that came from.

-GARBLED SPEECH

-Confused.

-I said, "What's all this?" Is it someone's birthday?

-Nah,

just a few letters. We thought we could make kites from them.

Hang on. These aren't even addressed to you, Keith.

-Or to us!

-Uh-oh!

This is terrible. You can't make kites out of other people's mail.

These have to go back. Where did you get these from?

They slipped through the floorboards and fell on my head?

-This is urgent!

-Angry Pants.

-Yeah. This letter for Mr Prank.

This didn't slip through any floorboard. Look at the size of it!

-How did you get this?

-Um... Eh...

-Fishing.

-Fishing?!

Look, there she is! Go on!

-Go on, Nev.

-KEITH GASPS

-Ah, got one.

-Yeah.

Aw, well done, mate. Now, you wait for the signal

-and then get a nice, big fish from out of the sack, right?

-Left.

Well, no. Right. Whatever. Wait for the signal.

FEET PITTER-PATTER My cap!

-Hey! That's property of Her Majesty's mail! Come here!

-Now, Nev!

-REEL WHIRRS

-Groovy!

Shibidee-ah! Here, fishy-fish-fish!

Here, fishy-fish-fish!

-Sorry, Barney.

-These will all have to go back.

-But Mr Prank's goes back first - it's marked urgent.

-Angry Pants.

He will be Angry Pants when he finds out you've got his letter.

-You've got to take this round right away.

-No-no, no-no!

-Sorry, mate.

-You know Keith can't go. We've got to keep him secret.

So you take this round to...

Nev? Nev.

Look, if it bothers you that much, I'll go with you.

-We'll go together.

-Can't make me!

-Oh! Oh!

-There's nothing to be nervous about, mate.

We're just gonna give him the letter back and then leave, OK?

Atchoo! >

-KEYS JINGLE

-Sounds like someone's home.

-Atchoo!

DOOR SQUEAKS

Um... It would appear we have one of your letters by mistake, Mr Prank.

-Go on. Go on.

-O-O-Oh.

-MR PRANK MUMBLES

-Run!

-Shhh!

Oh, yeah-diddly!

Oh, thank you very much! Thank you!

Thank you very much!

-Nice one...bear!

-Oh.

-Atchoo!

-Eurgh! Oh, Pooh. Pooh.

MR PRANK MUMBLES

-Pooh!

-You really do set him off sneezing, don't you, Nev?

Still, isn't it great to see people happy?

-Uh-oh!

-Oh, hiya, Beatrice.

There's a bit of a mess here, eh? Wild party, was it?

No party. Just someone thoughtless leaving a jam sponge in the hallway.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

I slipped on the cake and sprained my wrist.

Just great.

-Oops!

-Jam sponge cake...

Who do I know who'd be up to no good with a jam sponge cake?

-I dunno.

-You and Crazy Keith, that's who! What have I told you

-about leaving snacks where they can cause accidents?

-Uh-oh!

Yes, "uh-oh". Definitely an "uh-oh".

Beatrice thinks it's all my fault.

-Just when things were going so well.

-Ouch!

# He is coming! He is coming! He is coming... #

Hey, Nev! Take a look at this.

Angry Pants has gone as crazy as a dingo with fleas! Ha-ha!

# He is coming! He is coming! He is coming... #

-Confused.

-Me too.

Why is Angry Pants so happy? He's NEVER happy. Ha-ha!

Aw! Gordon Ramshorn!

The famous celebrity ice cream chef and restaurateur

is coming to taste...MY ice cream.

-Poor guy! Why would anyone want to taste Mr Prank's ice cream?

-Ha-ha!

Oh! This could mean the Five Gold Wafer award.

Only the finest ice creams get chosen! And for those that do...

# There could be fortune and fame

NEV AND KEITH LAUGH # My life won't be the same. #

Hang on.

It says he's comin' on the 22nd at 12 o'clock. That's any minute now!

THEY GASP

This letter was posted over a week ago!

Why has it only arrived this morning?!

-Oh!

-Top ice cream chef in the world, and I've got no time to prepare...

Where are my wafers? What flavours shall I use?

And my rippling machine takes hours to warm up.

Curse that...bear!

TOGETHER: Oops!

-See you later, Nev.

-Love you, Barney.

Oh, hey! Hiya, Beatrice...

-Excuse me, sir.

-Mr Prank. Hi.

-Yes,

sorry to trouble you. Could I have the use of your kitchen?

You see, I've an important guest coming. Mr Gordon...

Yeah, fine. Listen, I'm late for work. I must dash. See you.

..Mr Gordon Ramshorn.

-I'm bored, Uncle Andy.

-Miaow!

-Can I have the blue bear?

-BANDIT HISSES

-What's that?

-Can I have the blue bear, Uncle?

Everything must be perfect for Gordon's visit.

And that means no... blue bears on the premises.

-Well?

-I want you to try and be very nice for me.

-Can you be nice?

-I can be nice.

-Miaow?!

-I can be cute.

-Good. Good.

-COYLY:

-A joy to be with!

-Excellent. Really quite convincing.

Now... BANDIT HISSES

..here's what I want you to do. MUFFLED MIAOWING

-Miaow!

-Hello. Bye-bye.

-IN POLITE VOICE:

-Hello, lovely bear. I'm nice.

Plus, I have sweets.

And Bandit wants you to come too, don't you, Bandit?

-Mia-a-aow.

-OWN VOICE:

-What d'you mean, why am I being so nice?

I mean... Em...

-POLITE VOICE:

-Yes, he'd love you to come play.

-Play kite?

-Yeah.

Sure. Let's go.

# Do-do-doo, do-do-doo... #

-NEV GASPS

-Run!

# Do-do-doo... #

No. You MUST stay and play.

-Oh!

-We're going to be friends forever.

-Oh!

-Ready with the kite, Bandit?

-Wheee!

-WIND HOWLS

-Excuse me!

-Not now.

-We're almost ready to fly.

-But...

My kite! Bandit, get back here at once!

-Miaow!

-Why does no-one ever do what I tell 'em to?

-Hey! Bear, stop!

-Quick.

-I order you to be my friend!

RATTLING

Na-na, na-na na! Can't scare me!

Oi!

Na-na, na-na na!

Ha-ha! Whee!

Bandit!

What flavour? Can't afford to get this wrong.

Mm. Not Five Gold Wafer standard, though.

What to do, what to do... SOMEONE WHISTLES A TUNE

Oh, yeah. Beatrice!

BEATRICE WHISTLES

Oh, this floor's slippy. Could cause an accident.

-Hello.

-Oh!

-Sorry.

-I have need of you, Beatrice.

-You do?

I do.

Oh, Five Gold Wafer award, here I come!

HE CACKLES EVILLY

Of course, I can't afford to pay you full rate -

I see you've only got one arm operating at the moment,

so that'd be half your usual fee.

You've to make my Raspberry Ripple Special, but do add your own ideas,

like the creaminess and the fruitiness, if you like.

Well, don't just stand there, girl! Get on, get on!

NEV PANTS

-G'day, Nev. You're missing all the action.

-Run!

-Beatrice is helping Angry Pants make ice cream.

-Don't just stand there!

Look, I know you've only got one good arm,

but could you please just...hurry up.

-You cannot hurry art.

-"Art", is it?

One minute till the great Gordon Ramshorn arrives.

Oh, Your Majesty.

Your Majesty. Welcome. Have you finished yet?

For goodness sake! What's this?

Get in there! Anyway, then I was hit...

-by some weird kite-flying cat.

-KITE SCRAPES GROUND

Oh! Oh!

Anyway, I'm here now.

Supposed to be seeing if this Prank guy deserves a Gold Wafer award.

Call you later.

DOORBELL PLAYS "DIXIE"

-GLASS SMASHES

-Crikey! That must have hurt.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

-Oh, delightful!

-Ow!

-CRASHING

If that...bear has done anything

to upset Mr Ramshorn, I'll... I'll...

Uh-oh!

Mr Ramshorn! Mr Ramshorn, is it...?

Is it really you? Here, let me help you.

Ooh! You're so much taller than you look on the telly.

Mind you, I've only got a 12" portable, but...

-I'm looking for a Mr Pants.

-Oh, that's Prank,

-with an R, no T.

-Eh?

-Prank.

Look, I've had a lousy day. Can we just...

-..get on with this? Where's the ice cream?

-Ah! Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, Mr Ramshorn, I'm sorry about your accident.

Please, have a glass of water and a seat. Sit here.

Mia-a-aow!

Ah! The barmy cat again!

You're all wet. Let me dry you down.

Won't be a second. Here we go.

PLUG CLICKS IN SOCKET

HAIRDRYER WHIRRS Ooh! Sorry. Wrong setting.

-Right! That's it!

-No, no, no! Please wait!

You haven't seen the ice cream yet.

It's like nothing you've ever tasted!

Ha-ha! You beauty!

Mate, this is payback time for Angry Pants. Are you with me?

Hm. Confused.

What about a baking trick, Nev?

Don't listen to him. It'd be wrong.

-What d'you know about right and wrong? Make some ice cream.

-Oh!

-With a spoon?

-Big spoon!

-Hm.

Have you made up your mind? Is it payback time?

-Nice one, Nevvy(!)

-THUD!

Keith! Ice cream.

Now, please. Help.

I loved Ramshorn's Ice Cream Nightmares,

-especially the one where you visited...

-You're absolutely positive

that nutcase of a cat has gone? I don't want any more weirdness.

No, no. Relax. Everything's under control.

Ha-ha! See how he likes the little ice cream concoction we've fixed up!

-Oh...yucky.

-Yeah!

Nice idea of yours to mix sour cream with rotten veg! Ha-ha!

Now if you're ready, we should start the ice cream tasting.

-I think you'll agree it's a taste sensation.

-Here I am!

-Yes, I know. Yes.

-What?

-That you're here.

Can we get this over with?

THEY GARGLE

-This is to clear the palate.

-Oh, I see.

It'll probably clear your mouth out, too.

-The taste buds work best...when there are no other distractions.

-Oh.

-Right, Mr Prank, what do you have for me?

-Right...

I call this...

Roux-a du Raspberry.

Ah! Sounds promising.

-Poohy!

-Stinker!

Mm! Interesting aromas. I'm getting...

I'm getting old moss and... Odd.

-Almost a hint of rotting sprouts.

-Sprouts?!

Oh! Aw! Oh!

That, Mr Pants - or whatever your name is -

is the worst ice cream I've tasted in my entire life.

I...don't understand. Does that mean I won't be getting the Gold Wafers?

You won't be getting any wafers. Not even past their sell-by-date ones!

-But I tell you what I'm gonna give you.

-Oh!

-A giant raspberry.

For the worst ice cream in Britain. No! Make that the universe!

Eugh! Eh...wait, wait! There must be some mistake!

-No way, Jose!

-YOU!

This is all your fault...bear. Atchoo!

-Can't scare me!

-Grrr! Get out the way!

MIXER WHIRRS You'll be bear blancmange

by the time I've finished with you! Ha-ha!

Oh. Oh!

They're the same colour as your eyes.

I know you've got brown eyes, but this reflects...

I know this is a weird request, but could you get me a drink of water?

-I've just eaten something utterly revolting.

-Yeah, sure.

Hey, aren't you Gordon Ramshorn? You've changed your hairstyle.

-What are you doing here?

-I was here to assess a Gold Wafer applicant,

-but it left a nasty taste.

-Well, if you want great ice cream,

-ask Beatrice. She makes the best.

-Really?

You've ruined it all again...bear.

-Catch the bear, Uncle! I want him!

-BANDIT HISSES

Mm! Superb!

-I'm tasting late summer in a French chateau.

-Wow!

I wish I had a Six Gold Wafer award.

If ever you want a career in ices... call me.

Goodbye, Gordon. Oh, and watch out for the...

GLASS SMASHES

Aw! What a nice man.

But...why did his jacket only have one sleeve?

Barney! Shibidee-ah!

Mr Barney. Miss Beatrice.

Get out of it!

Love you, Beetroot.

-Oh! Beatrice is...

-Groovy!

She is. She is a bit, yeah. And she's also really good at...

-Kites!

-She was good at kite-flying, wasn't she?

And she's a really good cook. A trainee chef

and already she's got the Five Gold Wafer award.

-I'd give you an award, you know, mate.

-Hm. Confused.

-The best mate award.

-Aw!

-Me too.

-Yeah, I know. Have you got your snuggly-ducky-duck?

-Ducky.

OK, then.

-Sleep well, Nev.

-Night-night.

Poohy!