Shaken and Stirred Bear Behaving Badly


Shaken and Stirred

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HE SNORES

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LOUD CLATTERING

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Wh...? What, why, who... Where's the fire?!

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Wakey, wakey! Time to get up!

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-Brabrab!

-Aunt Barbara!

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What are you doing here at six o'clock in the morning?

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-You agreed to let me use your flat today, remember?

-No, I don't.

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You would, if I'd asked. You're such a good, kind boy. Come along!

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-There's a good boy!

-No, it's early!

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Hmmm.

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Why didn't you just ask me? It wouldn't have been a problem.

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I'm so busy, I've got so much to do!

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I've gotta get dressed, I'm not going!

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You can get dressed on the way!

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Oh, and don't worry about your little doggy, I'll take good care of him.

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-Aunt Barbara, he's not a dog.

-Woof, woof! Ha-ha-ha!

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Have a nice day, dear. Don't hurry home, bye!

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-Love you, Barney!

-See ya later, Nev!

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OK, what just happened? Am I having a weird dream?

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SHE WOLF WHISTLES

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Nice jim-jams, cuz!

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Oh, yes! Very fetching, Mr Barney, sir.

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Melanie? What are you doing here? It's six o'clock.

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I wish I knew.

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Melanie, how lovely to see you!

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Plank, late again! Come on, you two, look lively!

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Hup-two, hup-two, hup-two, hup-two!

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Um, can I...

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Right, well... I'll be off to work then.

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Right, you lot! Stand up straight.

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Stomachs in, chest out!

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Ears open and mouths shut!

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Love you, Brabrab! Woof!

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Now, our mission today is to entertain this young lady.

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Her name is Samantha

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and she's the daughter of a dear American friend of mine.

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And she's going to pay us a visit.

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She's also a successful New York fashion designer.

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Oh! Ooh la la!

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Which is why we're using Barney's flat.

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-It's more hip and trendy than mine.

-You're not wrong!

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I want to make a big impression on Samantha,

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that's why I've got rid of Barney.

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I don't want her to know he's just a TV presenter.

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-Why?

-Sssh!

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You, on the other hand, Melanie, dear,

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are such a wonderful girl that I decided you can host this event.

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Oh, no. I've got plans.

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You clever girl! I've only just mentioned it

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and you've already got a plan!

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You can do the flowers, the music,

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and I bought you this lovely dress to wear.

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Oh, no, but I...

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Ha-ha-ha!

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On to you, little Neville!

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You just stay your charming little lucky self, this afternoon!

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He's a bear!

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Woof, woof!

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Oh! You're such a good doggy! Treat?

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Woof!

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Wait for it... Wait for it...

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and go!

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Good doggy!

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HE BURPS

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Ah...ah...

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Atchoo!

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Oh! Er...sorry, sorry, it's...

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Uh, em...oh!

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Which brings me to Mr Plank!

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-Uh...i-i-it's Prank, but...

-PLANK!

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A couldn't-care-less caretaker!

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I want you to clean this flat from top to bottom, then clear off!

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When Samantha gets here I want you out of the building.

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-Better still, the country!

-Yeah, but...

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Now that that's all sorted, Melanie, dear, you're "with it", tell me,

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-what are smoothies?

-They're a yummy, fruity drink!

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Good! Apparently Samantha's very fond of them,

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-so I'll get somebody to make them.

-Actually, I can...

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-I'll look on the interweb.

-But I...

-We all know what we're doing!

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So go, go, go!

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-Ooh!

-Oh, um...

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Now, Auntie, dearest, are you sure you know what you're doing?

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Of course, Melanie! I've used the interweb many times!

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Oh, OK.

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COMPUTER BLEEPS

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SHOUTING: I...would...like...someone

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to...make...smoothies!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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I think it's broken!

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< DOOR OPENS

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Did somebody say, "smoothies"?! Heh-heh!

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BUTTON BLEEPS

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MACHINE WHIRRING

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Pick a card!

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Drinks for everyone!

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-SKIDDING

-Whoa! Ha-ha-ha! There we are!

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Is that your card?

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-Oh, brilliant!

-Yeah-heh-heh! Groovy, indeed!

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That was amazing! How did you do that?

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Four years of night classes at smoothie-making college!

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Very good! Now that you're something of an expert,

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-do you know someone who could make smoothies for me tonight?

-But I...

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Aunt!

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Oh, alright!

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But don't make a mess of this one, Plank!

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You can rely on me!

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That's what worries me!

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Now, Melanie, get everything organised, good girl,

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and don't forget to wear your lovely new dress!

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Yes, Aunt.

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I'm off to get Tracy Philip to design me a new hat.

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Oh! I almost forgot the most important thing.

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I've given Samantha Barney's number so she can ring for directions.

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-Make sure you don't miss the call.

-Yes, Ma'am.

-Yes, sir...uh, Ma'am!

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-Plank!

-Yes?

-Get cleaning!

-Cleaning, uh...cleaning, yes.

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Right, bear! I've gotta clean your disgusting bathroom now!

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Love you, Mr Angry Pants!

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But before I go, let me make one thing crystal clear!

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-What?

-My smoothie bar is not a toy!

-Yeah, yeah!

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STAY AWAY! From my smoothie bar!

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Ah! Uh...I'm watching you, bear!

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Mmmm.

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Now, please!

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HE CHUCKLES

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SPLASHING >

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Oops!

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Can't see!

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HE LAUGHS

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I knew it! Bear!

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Do not move another inch!

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Ah, ah... Don't!

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HE LAUGHS

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Do not...turn on that blender!

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No!

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Bear!

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SWITCH BLEEPS

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TICKING

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Uh-oh!

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TICKING

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Oh, no!

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BLENDER WHIRRING

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Bear!

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Oops!

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BEAR!

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Ru-u-u-u-un!

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Come 'ere! Aaargh!

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-Aaargh!

-Come 'ere, bear!

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-Argh!

-Bear, I'll get you, bear!

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Where are ya?!

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When I get my hands on you, bear...!

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Whoa!

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Aaaaow!

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Who turned the lights out?!

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Ha-ha! Wow, some party!

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-Ha-ha-ha!

-Wackadoo!

-Yeah, yeah!

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Oh! Miss Barbara's gonna go mad!

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How can I do her cocktails like this?

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-Oh dear!

-Leave this to crazy Keith!

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I'll fix this before Aunt Barbie finds out, and you get into trouble!

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I dunno what I'm gonna do now!

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Good morning, Mr Prank!

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I'm Professor Bucket,

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from the Australian Institute of Bucket Removal.

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-I was in the area today.

-That was lucky then, wasn't it?

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Yeah, now are you aware you've got a Type 4 Winston Percival ice-bucket

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stuck on your head?

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Yeah, I had noticed, yes.

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You're in luck, cos I'm an expert in this type of bucket removal.

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Close your eyes and stay still.

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I'm gonna try the Fandinky method of removal

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Right, great, yeah.

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Aow! Ow! Oh! Aow!

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-Anything?

-Well, I'm starting to get a headache.

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Yeah, I was afraid of that.

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This calls for the inverted Pabalibony Ono method!

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Nnngh!

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Ow! Ooh! Aow! Ow!

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That felt a lot like the Fandinky method!

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Ah! Well, it would do to a non-expert!

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Time for the Imbooboo Wasalanky method!

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Eh, d'you have any bigger hammers?

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< Hello, Mr Prank, team meeting, now!

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Smelanie, quick!

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-Oh, well, I'm a busy koala...man! I'm a busy man!

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-Best of luck with it, Mr Prank!

-B-B-But you haven't got it off yet!

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Oh, doctors! What do they know?

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OW!

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-Have you tried hitting it with a hammer?

-Yes!

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All right, don't get snippy with me!

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It's not my fault, is it, Nev?

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I'll get you for this, bear!

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Can't scare me!

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Atchoo!

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-Oh, that's disgusting!

-Aunt Barbara's gonna go ballistic!

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We'll all end up in trouble if this Samantha thing goes wrong.

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-She'll be back from the hat makers in...

-Hello!

-Now! Hide!

-Aaargh!

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LOUD CLATTER

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Aunt Barbara, your hat looks gorgeous!

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Why, thank you, Melanie, dear.

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Let's have a proper look - strike a pose!

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Oh yes, you look wonderful! That looks so good! Fab-u-lous!

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The colour looks great on you, and I love the feather.

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I'm glad you like it. Now how's the cleaning going?

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-Brilliant!

-That's funny, I thought I had my glasses on a second ago.

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Nope, don't think so! You don't really need them anyway.

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You're right. I can see perfectly well without them.

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Melanie, you're looking very skinny.

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Are you eating properly?

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-Um, Aunt, that's a coat stand!

-Oh!

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Anyway, all's going well here.

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Why don't you go upstairs and relax until Samantha gets here.

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PHONE RINGS

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That'll be her now. I'll give her all the directions.

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-If you're sure...

-Phone, get the phone!

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-ANSWER PHONE:

-'You're through to Barney and Nev.

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-'We're not here right now...'

-Nev, answer it!

-No problemo!

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'Hi, this is Samantha, Barbara gave me this number,

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'so if you could give me a call back my number is...'

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PHONE: 'Message deleted.'

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Oh no! Hello? Hello?

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She's gone!

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Uh-oh!

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We now have a barman with a bucket on his head,

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-and a guest who we can't ring back, so isn't gonna turn up!

-Oh dear!

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We're all in really big trouble.

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Ideas, anyone?

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Hmmm... Oh!

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I know, I know - Barney!

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Oh, what a day!

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I got some funny looks dressed like this.

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Anyway, I got your message, Nev, so here I am.

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Why's Mr Prank got a bucket on his head?

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-More walking, less talking. You need to get changed.

-Yeah, good point.

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-I do look a bit stupid, don't I?

-Oh, you say that now!

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Oh, we're all doomed!

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NEV LAUGHS

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Bear?! Bear, what are you doing?!

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Heh-heh-heh!

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Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

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Shut up! If I were you I wouldn't be laughing.

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It'll be a miracle if this plan works.

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Hello!

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Here goes nothing!

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-Melanie, dear, don't you look lovely?!

-So do you, Aunt.

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Oh, look at us, we could be sisters!

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When I saw this dress in both our sizes, I just couldn't resist!

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Aaaw, you should have tried(!)

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-Is everything ready?

-We're all set.

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-In fact, Samantha has already arrived!

-Really?

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Wonderful!

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Uh-oh!

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-LOUDER:

-Samantha... has already...arrived!

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Here she is!

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Come on, Samantha.

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Samantha, is that you?

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-POSH, HIGH VOICE:

-Oh, Barbara, how lovely to see you.

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But you've got so big and your accent is a surprise.

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Oh, Samantha said earlier, she slips in and out of her American accent.

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Ow!

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-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Oh, totally, Melanie.

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It's so rad to be here, like, cowabunga.

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Let me have a good look at you.

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Oh, such a lovely young lady.

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Do take a seat.

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Oh, thank you.

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-WHISPERS: Have you got that picture?

-Um...

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Psst!

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It's her, all right.

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So, Samantha, you must tell me everything about yourself.

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Oh, you have met my niece Melanie, haven't you?

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-Oh, yes, and I like her dress.

-I like yours too.

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Where are my manners? I must offer you a drink.

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-I'll get it!

-No, no, you stay where you are, dear.

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Mr Plank.

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Yes?

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Would you give our guest one of your lovely smoothies?

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Right. Of course! Ha ha! No problem.

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Fruit smoothies coming up. Whoa!

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Get on with it, man!

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Right, er...smoothies.

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A bit of music.

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CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYS

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Take the blender.

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Three glasses. One, two and...

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Wah!

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CUP CLUTTERS

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O-o-oh. Wha-hey!

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MR PRANK LAUGHS

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He's a professional, you know.

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-Really... Oh!

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Oh, really?

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Oh!

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Put stuff in the blender not down my trousers!

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Stuff! Yeah.

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BEEPING

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-Pick a card!

-Magic as well! He really is a knock-out performer.

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No kidding. Er...

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-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-No kidding.

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Heh heh, there we are.

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Da na! Was that your card?

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THUD!

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CRASH!

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Oh, wasn't that good?

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Groovy.

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Well, that was fantastic, wasn't it?

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-Well, it was certainly memorable.

-You can say that again.

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I'm absolutely gasping. Chin, chin! Bottoms up!

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-Oh, no, don't!

-No, no!

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SHE SLURPS

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SHE HICCUPS

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SHE HICCUPS

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-Oh, my.

-Auntie, are you OK?

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SHE HICCUPS

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SHE GASPS AND PANTS

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Leave it to me. I'll sort this out.

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Ducky! Ta da!

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Oh, good gravy! How did that happen?

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It must've been something you ate earlier that didn't agree with you.

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Oh! There's something on the floor.

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Oh! They're my glasses.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello. Barbara speaking.

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Oh, yes, Samantha. Yes, I understand.

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A slight communication breakdown at our end.

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Yes, I do understand you've made other plans.

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Yes, well, I do hope to see next time you're in town, dear.

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Bye!

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Oh! Uh! Ooh, my head!

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Ooh! Ha! Look at that!

0:20:530:20:55

Oh.

0:20:550:20:57

Miss Barbara, Sir...uh...Ma'am.

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This... I could...

0:21:000:21:03

Oh! Cleaning every inch of the block for Aunt Barbara was exhausting.

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Too right, bro. Smoothie?

0:21:140:21:17

Oh, no thanks, mate. I'm not in the mood for an experimental smoothie.

0:21:170:21:22

-Smoothie, smoothie, smoothie!

-OK, OK, just one.

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Ta.

0:21:270:21:28

Actually, that's really nice.

0:21:290:21:33

-What's in it?

-Mm...secret.

0:21:330:21:37

Yeah? Well, it's delish. Good work.

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Anyway, night, mate.

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Love you, Barney.

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HE FARTS

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The secret ingredient wasn't baked beans, was it?

0:21:500:21:55

Hm! Maybe!

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THEY LAUGH

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I thought so. Why don't you try some?

0:21:580:22:01

-No way!

-Come on, you'll love it. Helps you run faster.

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