Postman Nev Bear Behaving Badly


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Postman Nev

Comedy series. Nev takes over Postie's rounds. When he accidentally wears Aunt Barbara's new reading specs, he cannot see and delivers everything to the wrong people.


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Yum-yum!

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Isn't it a lovely day, Nev?

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Mmm. Yum-yum!

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Yeah, the birds are singing, the dogs are barking,

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the squirrels are...squirreling.

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-Lovely!

-I know.

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And high above it all, the sun shines, bright and strong.

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Ah! Which is just as well,

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-cos today's the day my new sunglasses arrive.

-Mmm!

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Oh!

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Ooops!

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I thought you might be excited.

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Luckily, I'm wearing my smoothie-proof jacket.

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-Yeah-yeah!

-I need to go to work.

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I tell you what, you wait for Postie,

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and when the package arrives, you can open it.

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-Mmm!

-You can wear my sunglasses.

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Yeah-yeah!

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Ooops.

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-Hmm.

-Yeah, it's not a smoothie-proof T-shirt.

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Oh. Sorry, Barney.

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It's OK, never mind. Well, I'll go and get changed,

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-and you go and wait for Postie in the hall.

-OK.

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Oh, come on! Come on!

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-Oh, where is that lazy postie?

-Bye, Nev.

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Hello, Mr Prank.

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Hello, Mr Barney, sir.

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-Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

-Hello...Bear!

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Achoooo!

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-So, any sign of Postie?

-Oh, no, not yet, Mr Barney, sir, no,

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and I'm waiting for a very important delivery.

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A marketing piece to promote my business.

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Wow. You mean a new sign for your ice cream van, yeah?

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Yes, yes. It's a rotating ice cream cone

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with no less than 142 lighting set-ups.

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-Cost me a fortune.

-Don't let Aunt Barbara see it.

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If she finds out you've got an ice cream business, she won't be happy.

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I know, sir, that's why I'm waiting to meet Postie.

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You can both wait together, then.

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-Oh, yeah.

-Oh...

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All right, see you later.

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-I love you, Barney.

-I love you, too.

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Bye, Mr Barney, sir.

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-Doo-doo-doo...

-Get out of the way, Bear!

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BOING! BOING!

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-I said, get out of the way, Bear!

-Can't make me!

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Don't make me tread on you! You'd be difficult to scrape off the floor!

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HE CHUCKLES

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NEV BLOWS A RASPBERRY

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-Don't scare me!

-Bear!

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-Morning.

-Morning, Postie.

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-You've got a bit of a welcome party inside.

-Oh, right.

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I've got to go to work, so can you give Nev my parcel?

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-No problem.

-See you later!

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-Bye!

-Aaaargh!

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POSTIE SCREAMS

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-Oh! Oh!

-Ah!

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-Oh!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Postie, are you OK?

-Yeah, yeah.

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Oh, ow! I think I might have twisted my ankle.

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-Oh! Is there any way I can rest for a while?

-I know, I know! Flat!

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Your flat? Aw, thank you, that's ever so kind of you,

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but I think I might be more comfortable in Mr Prank's.

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Oh, yeah, but I'm just having the ceiling vacuumed at the moment,

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so it's not really, er... We can't...

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Perhaps I could use your flat, after all.

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-No problemo, Postie.

-Thanks, Nev. Oh, ah! Help me up. Oh!

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Oh, I won't stay very long.

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I still have to make sure all this post gets delivered,

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sore ankle or not.

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No-no-no-no! I know, I know! Me!

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Oh, no, no, Nev. I can't allow you to do my round.

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That's Her Majesty's mail, that is, and it's my job to deliver it!

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I'll just rest my ankle for a few minutes. Oooh!

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That's lovely and soft!

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Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

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Oh, that's lovely.

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Comfy. Mmmm...

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Oh, that's better. OH!

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-Oh!

-Postie - me!

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MUFFLED: Nev! Nev! Nev!

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DOOR CLOSES

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Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo... easy peasy!

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-Doo-doo-doo...

-Hi there, Nevvy!

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-Crazy Keith!

-Yeah!

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What are you up to?

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Stolen Postie's bag of mail, have you, little fella?

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No-no-no-no!

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So you're delivering it for her? She doesn't know this,

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but Postie and I have an arrangement.

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Before she delivers the post, I get first dibs.

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Hmmm. No way, Jose!

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Oh, come on, Nevvy!

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Think of it as recycling, but before any of the stuff's been used.

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No-no-no-no!

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Oh, OK! Have it your way! You're no fun any more, Nevvy!

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Just don't come running to Crazy Keith when you need a favour!

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But...

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Oh. Oh, never mind!

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Oh...

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Sunnies!

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Hmmm....hmmm...

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, Glastonbury!

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Give it up!

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Five, four, two...and three. Never mind!

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DRUM BEAT STARTS

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# Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...#

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Ah, sunnies!

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Oh!

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Hmmm.

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Never mind.

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Groovy!

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Whoa!

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Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo...whoa!

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Oh, that Nev's turned into a real little killjoy!

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All I wanted was to have a look through the post!

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And would he let me? No, he would not!

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Oh! From now on, Doris, it's just you and me!

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You know how to have fun, don't you?

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Oooh! Easy, tiger!

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Hee!

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Ooof!

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Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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Ta-dah!

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Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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Ah! Easy-peasy!

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Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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CAT GROWLS AND HISSES

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-Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

-Grrr!

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Ah! Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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Postie! What's that there...?

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I seem to have picked up the wrong parcel. Have you seen my...?

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BEAR, STOP!

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That's my - achooo! - rotating ice cream cone!

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BANGING AND CRASHING

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BEAR!

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-What have you done, Bear?

-Oh!

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I wouldn't ever hurt a man with glasses,

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but for a small, blue bear,

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-I'm prepared to make an exception!

-Run!

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Oh! Come here, Bear!

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MUSIC PLAYS, NEV'S SHOUTS ECHO

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Sounds like there may be something going on.

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Ha! Nevvy might be in a spot of bother!

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Not that I care!

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NEV SCREAMS

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Argh! Argh!

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When I get my hands on you, Bear, I'm going to mash you like a potato!

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Where are you...?

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-NEV BLOWS A RASPBERRY

-Ha ha ha ha ha!

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-Can't catch me! Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!

-Bear! Come here!

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Hello? Is there anybody there?

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Oh! Can't catch me!

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-Oh!

-Don't think you can hide up there, Bear!

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-Oh!

-Bear!

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Come here, Bear!

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Oh! Is that my clever little Neville?

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Barbara!

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Oh, aren't you a clever little doggie,

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to bring the post to Auntie Barbara?

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-Woof woof!

-Little dog? Clever?

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-Oh, yes! Watch this!

-Oh!

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Oh, that's for little Nevvy!

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What's this? Oh! Oh!

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Oh, I really must plug that in!

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Now, what's left? Oooh! Oh, yes, I bought that yesterday.

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I really must do some digging tomorrow. Oh. Ah! Treat!

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Wait for it...

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Wait for it!

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And go!

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Oh, good doggie!

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Mad old ratbag!

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-What did you say, Plank?

-I said, "Ooh, what a beautiful handbag!"

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DOG BARKS There's a good boy, Chops.

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You stay away from my handbag, Plank.

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Don't you have any work to do?

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Oh, yes, I'm gonna get right on it, Miss Barbara, sir. Ma'am! Sir!

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Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. And it's "Prank", with an R, not L.

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P-R-A-N-K. It's not difficult, is it?

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Caretaker, caretaker! Couldn't-care-less-taker!

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Now, Neville. I've got a little surprise for you.

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-I've knitted you a little doggy cardigan.

-Uh-oh!

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Now all I want you to do is to come inside and stand perfectly still

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for three hours while I make the final alterations.

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Oh...

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-Won't be long...

-Lookie at postie!

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Oh, oh! My new super-strength reading glasses!

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I'm just a little bit short-sighted,

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but I shall be able to see splendidly,

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then I'll be able to do all the fiddly bits

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on your doggy cardigan!

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Oh! Oh, perfect!

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I can see perfectly well now!

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How do I look?

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Stylish?

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Woof!

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Come along inside - we'll try on your cardigan.

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Neville! Neville!

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Oh, look at my beautiful ice cream cone. My business mascot is ruined.

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Look what that bear did.

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Miaow!

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That bear is a vandal.

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-Miaow!

-Yeah. I can't get my hands on him while he's with Miss Barbara.

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What's that? Are you gossiping about me, Plank?

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Absolutely not, Miss Barbara, sir - er, ma'am. I was just, er...

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Just what? What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

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-Don't think so, have you?

-Miaow!

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No, no, I was just admiring your lovely sunglasses.

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Sunglasses?

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These aren't sunglasses, you oaf!

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These are my new super-strength reading glasses!

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Oh, if you say so, yeah.

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-Very nice reading glasses they are, too.

-Indeed they are.

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Very stylish, very dignified. Very you! Ha ha ha ha ha!

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I didn't come down looking for compliments.

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I came here looking for Neville.

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He's not here. I thought he was with you.

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He isn't with me, I would have seen him, wouldn't I? Imbecile!

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Yeah...

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Did you hear that, Bandit?

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-Miaow!

-Yeah.

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The bear's still upstairs,

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but she's too blind to see him, let alone protect him!

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-Miaow!

-Well, don't just agree with me, go and get him!

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-Go on, he's up there somewhere! Go on, fetch!

-Miaow!

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Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo...

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Hello.

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Doo-doo-doo...hmmm.

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Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

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Postie!

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Post. Oh...oh.

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Frightened.

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No-no-no-no!

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Postie!

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DOG HOWLS

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-Oh!

-Miaow!

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BANDIT HISSES AND MIAOWS

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NEV SCREAMS

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Ha ha ha ha ha!

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Ah, that was a great work-out! Oh!

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Really helps get rid of the frustrations of the day.

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Help! Crazy Keith!

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-Help!

-What's that, Doris? I didn't hear anything.

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You must be imagining voices.

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So what if that's the scream of Nev in trouble?

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-We've fallen out. He doesn't know how to have fun any more.

-Crazy Keith!

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-Help!

-Oh...I suppose there have been SOME good times.

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You're right, Doris! He's the best friend a koala could ever have!

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Oh, wackadoo! What was I thinking?

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Course I'll help him! See you later, doll!

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Hang on there, Nevvy!

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Crazy Keith'll be glad to help you! Ha ha!

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Oh...

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Hang on, buddy!

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Nevvy? Nev!

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Ah! Oh...

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Hello? Is there anybody there?

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-Postie?

-Yes! I don't recognise your voice.

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Oh! No, and I want to keep it that way.

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Help! Help! Crazy Keith! Help!

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Everyone needs me today! Sorry, Postie.

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-You'll have to wait your turn.

-Hello?

0:15:080:15:12

Hello? Hello!

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Help! Help! Crazy Keith!

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Coming, Nevvy mate! I won't let you down!

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Argh! Argh!

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Argh!

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It's OK, Nevvy. It's only me.

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-Crazy Keith?

-Yeah! Have you changed your look?

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Don't tell me - new haircut?

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No, no, no. Sunnies.

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Sunnies, you say!

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Miaow!

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Argh!

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Frightened.

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Don't worry. I know these corridors like the back of my paw.

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-Here we go, Nevvy. Is this looking familiar?

-Too right, bro.

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Ah, now, just that one big obstacle to get past again.

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Miaow-ow!

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Argh! Don't let him bit me, Nevvy.

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-Bandit's got a taste for koalas.

-All right, Captain.

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Neville, is that you?

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-Oh-oh!

-Oh-oh! Now we're in trouble.

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It is you.

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Aren't you naughty,

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running away from me. There's a good dog. Neville... You come with me

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and we'll try on your new cardigan. There's a good boy.

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Wackadoo! That was close.

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Phew-ee! Tip-top-aroo!

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Careful, Nevvy.

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It's OK, Doris, we're back safely. We're both all right.

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Feeling groovy.

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No need to thank me, Nevvy. I only did what any friend would do.

0:16:500:16:55

-Love you, Crazy Keith.

-And I love you too, buddy. But, listen...

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One friend to another. There's something

0:17:010:17:04

-I have to say about those sunglasses.

-Yeah.

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-They're not sunglasses.

-No way, Jose.

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It's true. Sunglasses have dark lenses.

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Those are just glasses.

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Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

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-Barney won't like them looking like that.

-Problemo.

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But leave it to Keithy. I know the answer.

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Paint 'em black.

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Tip-top-aroo!

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There you go. Better than new.

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Barney will be made up.

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Mmm. Mmm...

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-Yeah-yeah!

-<

-Hello?

0:17:410:17:43

Is there anybody there? Hello?

0:17:430:17:47

Hello?

0:17:470:17:48

Hello?

0:17:480:17:49

Postie!

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I forgot about her.

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She'll be please you delivered her post,

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but she'll want her bag back.

0:17:550:17:57

-HE LAUGHS

-OK!

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Ah! Wackadoo!

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Postie...?

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POSTIE WAILS

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Oh-oh!

0:18:080:18:10

Postie! Postie! Catch!

0:18:130:18:16

THEY STRAIN

0:18:200:18:22

Agh!

0:18:240:18:25

Where am I? What year is it?

0:18:280:18:31

I don't know.

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Oh, Nev, you've done my rounds for me. Thank you. That's lovely.

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No problemo. Love you, Postie.

0:18:380:18:40

Oh! Best be going off now.

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Yeah.

0:18:430:18:45

-BELL RINGS

-Hi, Mr Prank.

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Mr Barney, sir.

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Did your ice cream cone arrive?

0:18:480:18:50

Not exactly. No, no, I decided to use a substitute.

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-OK...

-OK.

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HE LAUGHS

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-CHIMES PLAY

-I like that. That's good. Yeah...

0:19:040:19:08

Postie, are you still here? Your round's taken you awhile.

0:19:110:19:15

I've been to a strange dark place.

0:19:150:19:18

There were beans, beans everywhere.

0:19:180:19:21

OK, well, as long as my super cool shades have been delivered.

0:19:210:19:26

-Barney, is that you?

->

0:19:260:19:28

Hi, Aunt Barbara.

0:19:290:19:31

Hello, Barney, look what I've made your dog.

0:19:310:19:34

-Miaow!

-He was very naughty when I was fitting him.

0:19:340:19:38

He never stopped squirming. Did you, Nevvy?

0:19:380:19:41

-Wah!

-Now, now, be quiet, there's a good dog.

0:19:410:19:45

It's a very nice cardigan.

0:19:450:19:47

Are you wearing shades?

0:19:470:19:49

Oh, no. These are my brand new reading glasses.

0:19:490:19:52

I don't know how I ever saw without them.

0:19:520:19:55

Well, it's just that they're quite fashionable.

0:19:550:19:58

I was gonna get a pair myself.

0:19:580:20:00

Yes, I'm quite the trend-setter.

0:20:000:20:03

All my old lady friends will be wanting to wear these.

0:20:030:20:07

Old lady friends?!

0:20:070:20:08

Exactly.

0:20:080:20:10

Come along, Neville.

0:20:100:20:12

Let's take you for a walk in that handsome outfit.

0:20:120:20:15

-Bye, Barney.

-Bye, Aunt Barbara.

0:20:150:20:18

Bye, Nevvy!

0:20:180:20:20

-Miaow!

-Come along then, Nevvy!

0:20:200:20:23

Agh!

0:20:230:20:24

Hi, Nev. It's me.

0:20:240:20:27

-Love you, Barney.

-Love you too, mate.

0:20:270:20:30

Did my glasses turn up?

0:20:300:20:31

Yeah-yeah.

0:20:310:20:33

Right... The thing is...I don't think I want them any more.

0:20:330:20:37

I think they might be a bit too old-fashioned.

0:20:370:20:41

You can have them if you want.

0:20:410:20:43

OK.

0:20:430:20:45

Or, maybe, you can give them to somebody as a present.

0:20:450:20:49

Maybe Crazy Keith.

0:20:490:20:51

Yeah. That's a good idea.

0:20:510:20:53

OK. Oh...

0:20:530:20:55

Oh.

0:20:550:20:56

-Oh... Oh...

-Nev?

0:20:560:20:59

Nev?

0:21:000:21:02

Nev?

0:21:020:21:04

Are you all right?

0:21:040:21:05

Oh...

0:21:050:21:06

Oh... Oh...

0:21:060:21:08

THUD!

0:21:110:21:13

Oh...

0:21:130:21:14

-Oh...

-Maybe sunglasses aren't the right look for me.

0:21:140:21:18

I may buy a big hat to keep the sun off.

0:21:180:21:21

Oh... Oh...

0:21:210:21:24

-Everything OK there, Nev?

-Yeah-yeah. Oh...

0:21:240:21:28

-You look dizzy, like there's something wrong with your eyes.

-Oh.

0:21:280:21:32

Maybe we should get 'em tested. You may need glasses.

0:21:320:21:36

No way, Jose!

0:21:360:21:37

SMASH!

0:21:390:21:40

Careful, Nev.

0:21:400:21:42

Oh... Sorry, Barney.

0:21:420:21:45

That's all right.

0:21:450:21:46

-Can you turn the light off?

-Yeah-yeah.

0:21:460:21:49

That's one way of doing it.

0:21:520:21:54

Tip-top-aroo!

0:21:540:21:55

Wooh!

0:21:550:21:56

Night, Nev. Nev?

0:21:580:22:00

NEV SNORES

0:22:000:22:04

Comedy series starring Barney Harwood and Nev the bear. Postie sprains her ankle, so Nev takes over her rounds. He puts on a pair of glasses he finds in a parcel, thinking they are Barney's new sunglasses, but they are actually Aunt Barbara's new reading specs. With hampered sight, he is destined to cause havoc delivering important mail to the wrong residents.

Before long, Aunt Barbara takes delivery of Barney's new sunglasses, believing them to be the new reading specs she ordered. When she wears them, she too can see even less than usual.

With neither Nev nor Aunt Barbara able to see properly, chaos ensues and Nev finds himself lost in a part of the block he never even knew existed. Time to call on a friend to save the day.