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Nevquest

Comedy series. Melanie appears as a fairy godmother in Nev's dream and, before long, Nev and Crazy Keith are on a quest to free the magical, wintry land of Nevia.


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THEY SNORE

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HE MUMBLES

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Sir Nev, Sir Nev!

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Neville, wake up!

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Oh, eh? Wh...?

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Sir Nev, I'm your fairy godmother and I have come to tell you...

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-Yes, Melanie!

-No, I'm not Melanie, I'm your fairy godmother.

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Heh-heh-heh! Smellanie, nice dress!

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I'm not Melanie. I'm your fairy godmother.

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I've come to tell you something important so stop interrupting!

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OK, fairly Smellanie!

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Right!

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Oh, brave Sir Nev, the people of the magical land of Nevia

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need your help.

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They are ruled by the mean Ice Cream Queen.

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Only you can save them.

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You must go to Nevia, and challenge the queen to a duel!

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Oh, boring!

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It's not boring. Listen! If you defeat the evil Ice Cream Queen

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then you'll receive these as a reward.

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Hey! Watch it!

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-These are the Golden Socks of Nevia, that will make you king.

-Sparkly!

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Get back! You can't have them now.

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This is a dream, stupid, and you have to go on the quest.

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Socks! Socks, please!

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Anyway, the white rabbit will show you the way to Nevia.

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Hmmm. Confused!

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Good luck, Sir Nev!

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Huh?!

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-< Cock-a-doodle-doo!

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Morning, buddies!

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Eh?

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SHOUTING: Ne-e-e-e-ev!

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Aa-a-a-a-a-a-a-argh!

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Whoa, easy there, Nevvy! Sssh!

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HE SNORES

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-I think you were having a dream.

-Phewee!

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-D'you wanna see something cool?

-Yeah, yeah!

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Come under the floorboards, down to my lair!

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Whoa-a-a-ow!

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-Oooooh!

-Ouch!

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-Watch it, Nevvy!

-Sorry, Crazy Keith!

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So, what d'ya reckon?

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-I knitted Doris a bonza woollen jumper!

-Groovy!

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I know! And the three arms is the height of fashion!

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Hmmm.

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Oh! What's that?

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Ah, yeah! Doris is insisting on guarding that mysterious trap door

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-we found earlier.

-Oooh!

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The door seems to be covering a deep hole. It's oddly cold near it, too.

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Lucky that jumper's so nice and warm, eh, Doris?

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Too right, bro!

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NEV'S TEETH CHATTER

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TRAPDOOR CREAKS

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WIND HOWLS

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Hello?

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-ECHO:

-Hello, hello, hello...

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Nice to see ya!

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-ECHO:

-Nice to see ya, see ya, see ya...

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How are ya?

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-I'm fine, thanks for asking.

-Huh?!

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Nev! The white rabbit shows the way!

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The white rabbit shows the way!

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Hmmm, confused!

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Just go through the trapdoor!

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OK!

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Who-o-o-o-a-a-a-ah!

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Nevvy-y-y-y-y!

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Oh! One of us should save him!

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All right, I'll go!

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Geronimo-o-o-o-o!

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Wa-a-a-ah!

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Ow!

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-Wah!

-Ooouch!

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-Ow!

-Whoa, eh...oh! Sorry, Nevvy! Ooh...

-Urgh!

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Oh! Wack...a...doo!

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Too right, bro!

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Ah, Sir Nev, you have come. I knew you would!

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-Fairly Smellanie!

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-Nah, our Melanie would never wear a girly dress!

-Ha-ha-ha!

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Sir Nev, I see you've brought with you your simple manservant!

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-Bull's-eye!

-Watch it!

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Welcome to the wonderful world of Nevia.

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A beautiful snow-covered land full of magic and mystery!

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-It looks like the outside of the flat, but covered in snow.

-It isn't!

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Sir Nev must embark on an important quest

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to defeat the evil Ice Cream Queen who rules this magic land

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-and win the socks!

-Yippeedeyah!

-Can we build a snowman first?

-Yeah!

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No, you cannot! Anyway, best of luck!

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-I'm sure you'll do better than the other heroes.

-Other heroes?

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Nothing! There was only a couple...

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..of dozen.

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-But, I'm sure you'll survive.

-Survive?!

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-Forget I said anything!

-I'm frightened!

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What happens if Nev decides to give this a miss?

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-If you miss the quest, you'll never get home.

-Crikey!

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-Barney said he was doing beans on toast tonight!

-Yum!

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Well you better get on with the quest. Smell ya later!

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She's gone!

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-So, what d'you reckon, Nevvy?

-Hmmm. Can't scare me! Yippeedeyah!

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Ha-ha! A quest it is, then. Yeah!

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Nevvy, wait for me! Whoa!

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-Ah-ha!

-Oh, Postie!

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Halt, strangers!

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You cannot pass, you cannot come in, so please don't ask.

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But if you must, there are questions three,

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whose answers you must give to me!

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Hmmm. Confused.

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-Oh, strewth! More poetry! I hate poetry!

-My name is Postie!

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And this is my post! And I am the troll who...who...

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Boo-hoo-hoo!

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Oh, sorry, was it something I said?

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-No...

-I love poetry! Really!

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I didn't wanna be a troll! That evil old Ice Cream Queen made me.

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I wanted to be a...a princess!

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-Um, I'm sure you could be!

-D'you really think so?!

-Easy-peasy!

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Oh, you're right! I'm quitting this job, right now!

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You go right on in,

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and don't worry about the questions three.

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Give that old Ice Cream Queen what for!

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Love you, Postie!

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D'you know, I think you might even do better than most other heroes!

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I wish people would stop saying that!

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And because you've been so nice to me, here.

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Take this. It's the Trumpet of Heroes!

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Yeah! You blow on it, and a brave knight will come and help you.

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Like this.

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TRUMPET BLARES

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< Ha-ha! Here I come!

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Ooh, sorry, brave knight! That was just a test!

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< Ah, right. Sorry!

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Here you go, you try it!

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TRUMPET SQUEAKS

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< Ha-ha! Here I come!

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Ooh, sorry, brave knight, that was just another test!

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< Ah, right. Sorry!

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Right, I'm off before that evil Ice Cream Queen figures out I've quit.

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Oh, listen. Watch out for her personal bodyguard.

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He's an ogre. He's big, and he's mean, and...

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Oooh! He's an absolute dreamboat! Hee-hee!

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Tell him I said hi!

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Okee-dokee!

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Bye!

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-I dunno what we were so worried about!

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This quest stuff is easy!

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HE SNARLS

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Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!

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I smell the pong of a smelly bum!

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Mua-ha-ha-ha!

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That's odd. Usually my sense of ogre smell is incredible.

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I can usually...

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HE FARTS

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Ooooh, ah!

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That would explain that, then!

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Nobody...is getting past me!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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HE SNOOZES

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DOOR CREAKS

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THEY BOTH GASP

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-SLEEPILY:

-Nobody's gettin' past me...

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-That must be the ogre!

-Angry Pants!

-Yeah, he looks mean.

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We should sneak by him, real quietly!

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Yeah-yeah!

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DOOR SLAMS

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HE SNORES

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Oh! Wackadoo! That was close!

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Too right, bro!

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VASE SMASHES

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Ssssh! Ssssh! Ssssh!

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THEY BOTH GASP

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Allo, bear!

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Mwuh! Love you, Angry Pants!

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Atchoo!

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-Argh!

-Whoa!

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-Aaargh!

-Whoa-a-a-a-a-ah!

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Rooaargh! Whoa-a-a-argh!

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Aaa-a-a-a-argh!

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-Huh? Wait a minute!

-Eh?

-Rooaaargh!

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-Whoa!

-Aaargh!

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Oh!

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Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum!

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Watch out, bears, here I come!

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Dingo's doo-dah! We're cornered!

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Yes, you are!

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I'm gonna squash you into bear ice cream, for the Queen!

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-Oh!

-I'm frightened!

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Nobody is gonna save you now!

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I know, I know!

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TRUMPET SQUEAKS

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< Is this another test?

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No, no, no, no!

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-< Excellent! Ha-ha! Here I come, to save the day!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Ah-ha!

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It is I, Sir Barney! Bravest knight in all of Nevia!

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Too right, bro!

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Well I'm Angry Pants, the mean ogre!

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-And I ain't scared of you!

-Oh, really?!

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-HORSE NEIGHS

-Whoa, Mabel!

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Good girl!

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Well, we'll see how brave you are,

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once you have faced my Mighty Sword of Justice!

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My... Nnngh!

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My Mighty Sword of...

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-Justice!

-You seem to be having a bit of trouble there, Mr Brave Knight!

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I'll be with you in a sec...

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-Try wiggling it!

-I am, I am!

-All right, all right!

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-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

-Look! I'm a busy ogre!

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-So if you don't mind, I'm gonna thump you with my club!

-No!

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Bear!

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Oooh!

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I'll be with you in a second, and than I shall smite you!

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You vile beast!

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Urgh... Nngh... Yes! Ah-ha! That showed you, didn't it?!

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Maybe next time you'll think twice before you challenge Sir Barney,

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-bravest knight in all of Nevia!

-Yeah-yeah!

-Oh yeah(!)

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-You're the man(!)

-Well I must be off!

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Good luck, noble bears!

0:11:210:11:22

-I'm sure you'll be better than the other...

-We know, yeah!

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OK. Come, Mabel, we must ride!

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MABEL NEIGHS

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-Away!

-Love you, Barney!

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I love you too, Sir Nev!

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So what's next on this questy thing?

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-Aren't you supposed to be challenging the Queen to a duel?

-Too right, bro!

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Can't scare me!

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Now, brave Sir Nev, you're almost at the Ice Cream Queen's throne room.

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You just have to...

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CHEWING AND MUNCHING

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Where'd they go?

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What are you doing?

0:12:010:12:03

We didn't get any breakfast this morning!

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This questing is hungry work!

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Aye, aye, captain! BUUURRRP!

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But you're almost at the Ice Cream Queen's throne room.

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You just have to get past her ferocious guard dog, Chops.

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-A ferocious dog?

-Yes.

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-He's over there, guarding the door, in the Queen's handbag.

-Oh!

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A handbag?!

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Ah-ha-ha-ha!

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It can't be a very big dog! Ha-ha-ha!

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I'll take care of this one, Nevvy!

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DOG PANTS

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Come on, doggy! Out of the way!

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We're on an important quest here!

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DOG GROWLS

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Ah...ah...OK! Nice doggy! Wa-a-a-a-ah!

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DOG BARKS

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Aaargh-haaaah!

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He's got Chops distracted. You - get into the throne room

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-Defeat the evil Ice Cream Queen, and win the Golden Socks!

-Tip-toperoo!

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DOOR CREAKS OPEN

0:13:050:13:08

Who dares disturb the Ice Cream Queen in her throne room?!

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It's me!

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What, who? Speak up!

0:13:150:13:18

SHE COUGHS

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I have to get that smoke thing fixed!

0:13:220:13:25

I thought you'd have something to do with this, Fairy Godmother!

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Yes, well, this is Sir Nev, your majesty.

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A brave hero, who's come to challenge you in a duel

0:13:330:13:37

for the Golden Socks!

0:13:370:13:39

HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS

0:13:390:13:42

-And the right to rule Nevia!

-Oh, not another one!

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Frightened!

0:13:510:13:52

Oh, this is too easy!

0:13:520:13:55

Look at him!

0:13:550:13:58

He's only tiny. How can he defeat me?!

0:13:580:14:04

Yeah, talk it up, Queenie!

0:14:040:14:05

Nev isn't afraid of you, are you Nev?

0:14:050:14:08

Nev?

0:14:110:14:12

I'll be back in a minute!

0:14:130:14:15

Will you just stop a second?

0:14:180:14:21

-No, no, no!

-Trust me!

0:14:210:14:22

You'll be fine.

0:14:220:14:23

You'll definitely be able to beat the evil Ice Cream Queen. I promise!

0:14:230:14:29

Really! You're perfect. Honestly.

0:14:290:14:32

I wouldn't ask you to try, otherwise.

0:14:320:14:35

Hmmm. Promise?

0:14:350:14:38

Promise!

0:14:380:14:40

OK.

0:14:400:14:42

Oh! I...I...I... I think I finally lost that dog!

0:14:430:14:47

Groovy!

0:14:470:14:48

DOG GROWLS

0:14:480:14:50

Oh! Oh, no!

0:14:500:14:52

Treat! Good doggy!

0:14:520:14:54

Huh?!

0:14:550:14:56

Let's kick some Queenie butt!

0:14:560:14:59

Oh! After you, Nevvy!

0:14:590:15:01

Oh!

0:15:040:15:05

We're agreed.

0:15:060:15:07

A competition to decide who'll win the Golden Socks

0:15:070:15:11

and the right to rule Nevia.

0:15:110:15:12

There will be three tests, of skill and strength.

0:15:120:15:16

-The first to two wins.

-Bring it on!

0:15:160:15:19

Grrrr!

0:15:190:15:20

Nev, I see you've brought your simple manservant to assist you.

0:15:200:15:25

Eh, simple koala servant, if you don't mind!

0:15:250:15:28

-And your majesty?

-PLA-A-A-A-ANK!

0:15:280:15:31

Yes, your majesty?

0:15:330:15:35

The ogre Plank, assist the Queen! Let's get it on!

0:15:350:15:39

And now for the first test. A challenge of nerve

0:15:420:15:46

and steadiness of hand.

0:15:460:15:47

Your majesty, you go first.

0:15:470:15:50

Go on, your majesty!

0:15:500:15:53

Whoa...eh, hey, eh...ooh, dunno about that one...

0:15:550:16:00

Yeah, that's it... easy does it.

0:16:070:16:10

Yeah! Heh-heh!

0:16:130:16:15

-Heh-heh-heh!

-Ha-ha-ha!

0:16:230:16:25

Sir Nev, your turn!

0:16:250:16:28

-Oh!

-Go for it, Nevvy. Steady now, steady!

0:16:280:16:31

3...2...1...

0:16:310:16:35

-Oh!

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Oops!

0:16:380:16:41

-Crumbs!

-Yeah-hah-hah, I won, I won!

0:16:410:16:44

1-0 to the Queen, 1-0 to the Queen!

0:16:440:16:48

I'm the winner, ha-ha!

0:16:480:16:50

Now we come to test number 2. A test of endurance.

0:16:500:16:55

Who can eat the most ice cream?

0:16:550:16:57

Sir Nev, as you are one point behind, you must win this

0:16:570:17:00

-or the Queen wins the whole thing.

-No problemo!

-You can do it, buddy!

0:17:000:17:05

You might as well give up now.

0:17:050:17:07

Why do you think they call me the Ice Cream Queen?!

0:17:070:17:11

On your marks, get set, eat!

0:17:110:17:16

Go on, Nevvy! Go on, go on!

0:17:160:17:18

Get it down ya, mate, yeah!

0:17:180:17:20

Come on, get it down ya. Big gulps, big gulps!

0:17:260:17:29

That's it. Regulate the breathing!

0:17:290:17:32

That's it. Good! Come on!

0:17:320:17:34

BUUURP!

0:17:340:17:35

I feel icky!

0:17:350:17:38

- You're doing good, mate! - Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:17:380:17:42

Ah...ah...nngh...urgh...oooh!

0:17:420:17:48

Oh, no! Bear!

0:17:480:17:52

-And the winner is...Nev!

-Yeah!

-Oh, groovy!

-We won! Ah-ha-ha!

0:17:530:18:00

THEY CHEER

0:18:000:18:02

That was a fluke, bear!

0:18:020:18:04

-BUUURP! Oops(!)

-Oh!

0:18:040:18:07

# He's small, he's blue

0:18:070:18:09

# Eats more ice cream than you

0:18:090:18:11

# Nev the Bear, Nev the Bear! #

0:18:110:18:13

That makes it one all!

0:18:130:18:16

Now, for the final, deciding, Race of Doom!

0:18:160:18:20

THEY GASP

0:18:200:18:21

- Race of Doom?! - Oh, my!

0:18:210:18:24

Don't worry, your majesty! I've fixed everything.

0:18:260:18:30

You're definitely gonna win this race.

0:18:300:18:33

I'd better, Plank! Or you'll be very, very sorry!

0:18:330:18:37

You're doing great, champ. Win this and you'll be King,

0:18:370:18:41

-and we'll get home in time for tea!

-Tip-toperoo!

0:18:410:18:45

Competitors to the starting line!

0:18:450:18:47

When I say go, you both will race up into the castle,

0:18:470:18:51

into the throne room, and retrieve a Golden Sock each.

0:18:510:18:56

The first one back here with a Golden Sock is the winner.

0:18:560:18:59

Aye, aye, captain!

0:18:590:19:01

On your marks...get set...

0:19:010:19:04

Go!

0:19:040:19:05

SHE CACKLES

0:19:050:19:08

-Oooh! Oooh...oooh, me arm...me knee!

-Ha! Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

0:19:110:19:16

Ah-hah-hah! Yee-hah-hah!

0:19:160:19:19

Ah-ha-ha!

0:19:220:19:23

Hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha!

0:19:240:19:27

HE PANTS

0:19:320:19:34

Nnngh! Urgh! Uh...nngh!

0:19:350:19:38

Can't reach!

0:19:380:19:40

Bad luck, little fella!

0:19:400:19:42

You don't get to stay Queen without a trick or two up your sleeve!

0:19:420:19:47

Cheat! Sock, mine!

0:19:470:19:50

-Ha-ha-ha!

-Uh! Nnngh! Uh!

0:19:500:19:53

Problemo!

0:19:530:19:54

They're taking an awfully long time!

0:19:540:19:57

Yes! Something must have happened, ha-ha-ha!

0:19:570:20:02

Oh, I don't like this!

0:20:020:20:04

Ta-dah! Easy, easy!

0:20:040:20:10

Yeah! She is the Queen! What a competitor!

0:20:100:20:15

Oh! But where's Nevvy?

0:20:150:20:17

I don't think we'll be seeing him for a while!

0:20:170:20:21

-Ah-ha-ha!

-Ha-ha-ha!

0:20:210:20:24

-You win, Queen!

-I win, I'm still the Queen!

0:20:240:20:28

Yippee!

0:20:280:20:30

Feet, tickle!

0:20:310:20:33

Brrr! Ha-ha-ha!

0:20:360:20:38

Tickle, tickle! Ha-ha-ha!

0:20:380:20:40

Ha-ha-ha!

0:20:400:20:42

Oh, socks!

0:20:430:20:45

MUFFLED LAUGHTER

0:20:460:20:48

-Ha-ha-ha... No-o-o-o-o-o!

-Aaargh!

0:20:490:20:54

-Wahey!

-Yay!

0:20:560:20:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

0:20:590:21:02

The winner! Proud new owner of the Golden Socks,

0:21:030:21:07

and the man who saved all of Nevia - King Nev!

0:21:070:21:11

I win, I win! Yippeedeyah!

0:21:110:21:14

No-o-o-o-o! He cheated!

0:21:140:21:17

-No, he didn't. YOU cheated, he just outsmarted you!

-Yeah-yeah!

0:21:170:21:23

# He's cute, he's cuddly We all think that he's ugly

0:21:230:21:27

# Nev the Bear, Nev the Bear! #

0:21:270:21:30

Nev! Nev! Nev! Nev! Nev! Nev...

0:21:300:21:37

..Nev? Nev? Nev? Hey, Nev?

0:21:370:21:41

Nev? Nev, wake up!

0:21:410:21:44

-Yippeedeyah!

-Hey, good morning!

0:21:440:21:47

-Were you having a dream?

-Too right, bro!

-Was it a good one?

0:21:470:21:51

-Yeah-yeah!

-Cool!

0:21:510:21:52

-I've made breakfast in bed.

-Groovy!

0:21:520:21:54

-Loo, please!

-OK, but hurry up. Your breakfast will go cold.

0:21:540:21:59

Aye, aye, captain!

0:21:590:22:01

-Hey, Nev?

-Yeah-yeah.

0:22:030:22:05

-Where d'you get the funky socks?

-Huh?

0:22:050:22:07

A-a-a-a-a-a-argh!

0:22:100:22:11

While Nev is sound asleep, Melanie appears before him as a fairy godmother. Before long, Nev and his sidekick Crazy Keith are on a quest to find the golden socks and free the magical, wintry land of Nevia.

Lying in wait to sabotage the quest are Angry Pants the ogre and the ice-cream queen Barbara, who must be defeated in a series of challenges which many before Nev have failed.