Back in the Day Bear Behaving Badly


Back in the Day

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OK, you ready, Nev?

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HE PLAYS CHORDS ON KEYBOARD

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Aye aye, captain!

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# Sometimes I meet you in the hallway

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# Sometimes you come for tea

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# But when we say goodbye I wish you stayed here with me

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# Oh Beatrice, oh Beatrice I know it's been a while

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# I just thought I should say to you I like the way you smile. #

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I think that's perfect.

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Beatrice will love my song. What do you reckon?

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Yeah-yeah!

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HE PLAYS A DRUM ROLL

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What? Oh, no! Not again! Oh!

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I dunno how you can sleep through all of this, Doris! Oh!

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BOING!

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I'm going to have to go up to ground level and check out the din.

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Stay there, darlin'. Oh, dear! Wackadoo!

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DRUM ROLL CONTINUES

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Nev!

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Nev! Ahoy!

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Do you know what? Go for it! Rock!

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Oi! Nevvy! Keep the racket down! For a koala used to Aussie time,

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it's the middle of the night!

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-I'm sorry, Keith, did we wake you up?

-Yeah!

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I was just practising a song for Beatrice.

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I hope she's got strong eardrums!

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What's going on in there?!

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Oh, I'd better go!

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If Angry Pants finds I'm living under the floorboards,

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-I'll be koala ketchup!

-See you.

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Oh, yes! I knew you'd be at the bottom of this, Bear!

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Achooo!

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-Morning, Mr Prank!

-Oh! Oh! Hello, Mr Barney, sir.

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Didn't see you there, sir. Sorry to bother you!

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The other tenants said they could hear a slight tapping!

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Oh! Oh, right!

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Nev...

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Plank! Why aren't you hanging out

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my fluffy bunny wallpaper in my guest room?

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My darling niece chose it herself, didn't you, Melanie, dear?

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Actually, Aunt,

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I've kind of grown out of that bunny fluffy-wuffy stuff.

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Yes, dear. So you see, Plank,

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she'll be inconsolable if those bunnies aren't up on the wall

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by her beddy-bye-bye times, won't you?

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-Won't you?

-Um, actually, Aunt, I...

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Oh, I've got a good mind to contact my brother Rupert from Outer Mongolia

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-and get him to sack you, Plank!

-Yeah, right, yeah...

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See what you've done, Rupert?

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What you've hired? A caretaker! Caretaker? Couldn't-care-less taker!

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-Bye!

-Love you, Barbara! Bye, Mr Angry Pants"

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-Laters!

-Bye, coz.

-Love you, Smelanie.

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Is that the time already? Beatrice is gonna be here any second!

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How does the flat look, Nev? Is it OK?

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There's no dirty socks,

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there's no washing up, there's no jam on the walls...

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No washing up, nothing's on fire, still no washing up,

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everything's perfect except for these bin bags,

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so I'm going to take them outside, and you, don't touch anything.

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Aye aye, captain!

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Anything. OK.

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Hmmm.

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Never mind.

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HE PLAYS NOTES ON THE KEYBOARD

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Oh! That din's worse than a pack of partying platypuses!

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Nev!

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-Ooops!

-Bang, crash and wallop

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-goes Barney's plan to sing for Beatrice, Nevvy!

-Ohh!

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-Oh, dear!

-Oh...

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Oh, wackadoo! Try the keys one at a time, Nevvy!

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-You never know, some of them might still work.

-Yeah-yeah.

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Oh...

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Barney's gonna be furious about his cranked-out keyboard!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Oh, dear. At times like this, my ma used to say,

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"Keithie, boy, if only we could right our wrongs and go back in time."

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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Oh!

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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Huh? Oh...

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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NEV SCREAMS

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Oh, blimey, me old mucker! You didn't half give me a fright!

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-NEV SCREAMS

-Keith?

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And who might you be, little fella?

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-Oh, confused!

-Oh...

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He must be simple, poor lad. Could be useful.

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Do you need a place to stay?

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Cos I know the fella who lives in this gaff!

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I know, I know! Barney!

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Barney? That busker? No, he don't live here no more! Used to, mind.

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No, no, my governor!

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He lives here, and he owns the whole block, don't you know?

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-Uh-oh!

-Ah! Here he comes now!

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Oh!

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Another profitable day for Mr Andrew F Prank

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-and his travelling circus!

-Oh!

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants! Crazy Keith, quick! Hide!

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I found you a little blue bear to, er...help you, Mr Prank, sir!

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But, Crazy Keith!

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-Angry Pants scary!

-Well, well, well! What have we here, then?

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Crazy Keith! Koala! K-k-k-k-k-ketchup!

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A rather unusual hyperactive blue bear, if I'm not very much mistaken!

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CONFUSED!

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HE SCREAMS

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Oh...oh...

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NEV SCREAMS

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Feeling better, then, little bear?

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Oh. So, how are you going to assist me with my travelling circus?

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-Keith here does astounding feats.

-Watch and learn, little 'un.

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DRUM ROLL

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Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the most fantastic,

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phenomenal flying furball koala!

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Watch me fly through the apple pie!

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Duck!

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-CRASH!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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And now...

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..the world's most tremendous, towering, tyrannical...

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-..tall koala!

-Oh!

-As you can see, it's quite a koala-based circus.

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DRUM-ROLL

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Ta-dah!

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HE SCREAMS

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Whoa, whoa...

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Run!

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-Get him, Keith!

-Got you!

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He's a top tumbler, you know.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Begging your pardon, sir! I've just finished scrubbing the floors.

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-I didn't see you there.

-Think nothing of it, miss.

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ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

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Oh, what an angel! Who are you?

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The name's Beatrice, sir. I'm the new maid for Mr Prank.

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Oh, Beatrice...

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So, how shall we make money out of you, blue bear?

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Can you juggle, swallow swords or fight? Yes!

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Roll up, roll up for three rounds with the incredible boxing bear!

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-BELL RINGS

-Ooops!

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Yes, perhaps not. Oh...

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Barney!

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Bear, how do you know that good-for-nothing Barney?

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Best thing old Barbara upstairs ever did was kick him out!

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Love you, Barney!

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# Oh Beatrice, oh Beatrice I know it's been a while

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# I just thought I should say to you I like the way you smile. #

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Love you, Barney!

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Oh, a bottom-shaking blue bear!

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-At last, a creature with real talent!

-Oh!

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Now my travelling circus will be the biggest show on Earth,

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and I shall be rich!

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Ha ha ha ha!

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Home, please.

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Shut it, and have some gruel, Blue Bear.

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-Bleaargh! Yukky!

-Oh!

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-Ice cream, please.

-Ice cream?

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You do know that freezers haven't been invented yet, don't you, Bear?

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-Ice cream costs a fortune!

-Oh! Hungry!

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It might be worth me keeping the bear well-fed

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until he makes me rich.

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Keith, here's a whole shilling. Go and buy the blighter some ice cream.

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Yes, Mr Prank. Straight away, Mr Prank, sir!

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And make it gruel flavour! Now, I've got to get ready.

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I'm going to be rich! I'm going to be rich!

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# I've found myself a little blue bottom-shaking bear

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-# And I'm going to be rich! #

-Mr Prank? It's me, Miss Melanie!

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I'm Aunt Barbara's niece, Mr Prank! Just visiting.

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-She sent me down here to...

-Smelanie!

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-SHE SCREAMS

-Hello, Smelanie.

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How dare you? I do not smell. I had a bath last winter!

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Smelanie, it's me!

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What an extraordinary creature!

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I have to tell Aunt Barbara!

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Barbara!

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Oh! Wait! Help!

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Oh, look at him, the greedy, little...

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Scoffing all the ice cream.

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NEV BURPS

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Yum-yum! More, please!

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MORE?! More?!

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You want more?!

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More, please.

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I think you've had more than enough from me. It's time to shake for me!

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-Can't catch me!

-Oh, come here, Bear!

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NEV SCREAMS

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So where is this exotic animal

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little Melanie's been telling me about?

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Oh, no! Miss Barbara! Exotic animal?

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I don't want to end up stuffed and stuck up on her wall!

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Madam Barbara, how dare you enter my premises without my permission!

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Barbara!

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Oh, my stars! It's the little blue dog of Patagonia!

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Phew! That's right, stuff him, not me!

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Hungry, doggie?

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Wait for it...wait for it...and go!

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NEV BURPS

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I've travelled the world, searching for a blue dog!

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And here it was in your apartment all the time, Mr Plank!

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It's PRANK! Andrew F Prank, Esquire!

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Fascinating!

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It would look marvellous stuffed and mounted, just like Algernon!

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-NEV SCREAMS

-No way, Jose!

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You're forgetting one thing.

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The blue bear, the blue dog, whatever, is mine!

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Finders keepers, Mr Plank, and I do love a chase!

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Oh, no, you don't!

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The dog's mine!

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-Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!

-Psst! Nevvy! In here!

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MR PRANK AND BARBARA SHOUT

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Gotcha! Ha ha ha ha!

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Where have you hidden him? Oh, I'll find him, don't you worry!

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I'll be back, Mr Plank, when you least expect it!

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When I get my hands on that little blue varmint, I'm going to...

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Oi! Mr Prank, sir!

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Look what I caught!

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Oh! You're a good lad, Keith! Ha ha ha ha ha!

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Help!

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Come on, Bear! Wiggle! Dance!

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-Poor little fella. I feel so bad now.

-Frightened!

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Frightened? I'll give you something to be frightened about!

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Ah! The choice is yours. Either dance, or get stuffed!

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Oh! Home time now, please!

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I'm off to the matinee performance of our circus show,

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and you'd better be ready to dance by the time I return. Keith!

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Go and get your wings, and don't be late for curtain up,

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else it's curtains for you!

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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Curtains for me, indeed!

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-Who does he think he is?

-Oh, miss you, Barney!

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Oh, poor little blue bear!

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I don't know who you are or where you come from,

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but one thing I do know is us little furry creatures

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have got to stick together.

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Yeah-yeah. Love you, Keith.

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I WAS going to run away and leave you to Mr Prank.

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-No way, Jose!

-But you know what?

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I AM gonna run away, and take you with me!

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Chip-a-dee-a!

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DOOR BANGS Who's there?

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It's me, Miss Melanie. I've come to pinch little blue one for my aunt.

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Aw, there he is.

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But, Miss Melanie, you can't!

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He'll end up stuffed, like Algernon.

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WHIMPERS

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How's about helping us escape, instead?

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Melanie, my dear!

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What are you carrying under that apron?

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Is it that little blue dog for me?

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It's...a cage, Aunt Barbara, with a bird in it.

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Fascinating! Let me see this bird.

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See it? Well...

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It's asleep. And it's shy.

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Nonsense! I insist!

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Tweet-tweet!

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Oh, yes - the common bluebird.

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Of no interest scientifically.

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Now, where's that little blue dog?

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-Phew!

-Jellied eels, that was close and no mistake!

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Little blue dog!

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Where are you?

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Come to your Auntie Barbara!

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Keith!

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Where are you, you little urchin?!

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Why did you miss your curtain call?

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Keith!

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There's no point hiding from me.

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Who's there?

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Is that you, Keith?

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Wahrgh!

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Arrghh!

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-You little rascals can hide in here till nightfall.

-Much obliged, Miss.

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Love you, Smelanie!

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Now, let's get this cage unlocked.

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Right, let's have a butcher's round here.

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Ah-ha!

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Well, would you look at that?

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Why, it's as big as the blooming Palladium in 'ere!

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A koala could make himself very comfortable.

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Ooh! Good day to you, Miss. The name's Keith - Crazy Keith.

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Ouch!

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-Excuse me... Are you all right, little 'un?

-Yeah, yeah.

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Cor! You can see everything wot's going on upstairs!

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-ECHOING:

-I'll find that bear if it's the last thing I do.

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It WILL be the last thing you ever do!

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He must be around here...

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They're having a right ding-dong.

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Ohh!

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Ohh!

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That piano is your own? What are you trying to tell me, me old mucker?

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Music! # De-de doo, de-de doo! #

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Piano! Plink-plink, plonk-plonk, wibble-wibble-wibble, ding-dong!

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Ah! Playing a certain tune on the piano transported you to our world.

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-And if you played it again, it might take you home.

-Yeah-yeah!

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That's the craziest thing wot I ever did 'ear.

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-Piano now, please!

-We're safe here. Going back to the piano is too risky.

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Go home time.

0:17:190:17:22

Oh, what's the point of life if you don't take some chances? Ooh-hoo!

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Follow me, little fella! I reckon this might be a secret tunnel.

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Oh, and...lovely to meet you. Mwah!

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Sweetheart.

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Oh, wasn't she a picture?

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I can just see myself settling down with a darling like her.

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So, whoever wins this match gets the bear.

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-It's a dog!

-It's a bear.

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-That tunnel's going to come in handy.

-Yeah-yeah.

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Hey, they look busy. And there's the piano!

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Run for it, Nevvy. I have an idea.

0:18:020:18:04

-There he is!

-Where?

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Loser!

0:18:080:18:09

-There!

-Oh!

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That blue bear is my passport to fame and fortune.

0:18:120:18:17

But I won the arm wrestle.

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I saw him first.

0:18:200:18:22

-GRUFF VOICE: Wait!

-What?

0:18:220:18:24

Leave the bear alone. GRUFF: Leave the bear alone.

0:18:240:18:28

I-I-It's alive!

0:18:280:18:30

Bear, play the same notes as before. Try to get back home.

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OK, Crazy Keith.

0:18:340:18:35

Hang on!

0:18:350:18:37

I thought I recognised that voice.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

0:18:410:18:43

Oops!

0:18:460:18:46

I might have guessed! Keith.

0:18:460:18:49

You're in deep trouble.

0:18:490:18:51

I'm going to send you away.

0:18:510:18:53

Not the workhouse! Please, not the workhouse!

0:18:530:18:56

Oh, no - much worse than that.

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I'm going to send you to Australia.

0:18:590:19:02

Oh, no, no! Not Austr...

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Australia? Hurray!

0:19:050:19:08

Woo-hoo! I've got family in Australia. See you, Mr Prank!

0:19:080:19:12

Cheerio, Blue Bear. I'm off Down Under, don't you know?!

0:19:120:19:16

Now, where were we?

0:19:170:19:20

-You were just about to hand over the little blue dog!

-I was not!

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The blue BEAR is my ticket to fame and fortune.

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I'd rather give you this whole house than let you have him.

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You'd give up a whole house for the dog?!

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What a deal!

0:19:370:19:39

We'll take it!

0:19:390:19:40

We?

0:19:400:19:42

-Who's we?

-Why, me and my dear brother Rupert, of course.

0:19:420:19:46

Oh, here you are. What do I care?

0:19:460:19:48

That blue bear will buy me a whole new street.

0:19:480:19:53

Yes!

0:19:530:19:54

This house shall become the family home,

0:19:540:19:57

passed on from generation to generation.

0:19:570:20:01

Nephew Barney shall move back in

0:20:010:20:03

and overseeing it all, in pride of place,

0:20:030:20:07

will be dear brother Rupert,

0:20:070:20:10

keeping an eye on all the Barneys and Melanies,

0:20:100:20:14

and, who knows, the little blue dogs of the future.

0:20:140:20:17

Whatever!

0:20:170:20:18

What's going on?

0:20:220:20:24

Don't leave me, Bear!

0:20:240:20:25

'Playing a certain tune transported you to our world!

0:20:250:20:28

'If you played it again, it might take you home.'

0:20:280:20:32

Home time!

0:20:320:20:34

Bear!

0:20:340:20:36

That din's worse than a pack of padding platypuses, Nev.

0:20:410:20:45

Me love you, Crazy Keith!

0:20:480:20:50

Aw, love you too, Nevvy, but... YAWNS

0:20:500:20:54

..a koala needs his zeds!

0:20:540:20:56

Barney! Love you, Barney.

0:20:560:20:59

I love you too, mate.

0:20:590:21:01

I only took the rubbish out.

0:21:010:21:03

You'd think we've been separated for years.

0:21:030:21:06

-Why are you looking at me like that?

-KNOCK

0:21:060:21:09

Tell me later. That's Beatrice! I'm so glad I practised the song.

0:21:090:21:13

BEAR MUTTERS

0:21:240:21:27

Oh, can't sleep.

0:21:270:21:29

-It's no good, mate. I'll have to get a new keyboard.

-Too right, bro.

0:21:290:21:34

Some of the notes still work - listen.

0:21:340:21:37

Stop, please!

0:21:410:21:43

OK. Anything you want to tell me about?

0:21:430:21:46

Uh...

0:21:460:21:48

Never mind.

0:21:480:21:49

Oh, it's late. Tell me tomorrow.

0:21:490:21:52

Time for beddy-byes, I think.

0:21:520:21:54

-Night, mate.

-Night, Barney.

0:21:560:21:58

Love you.

0:21:580:22:00

I love you too.

0:22:000:22:02

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