Back in the Day Bear Behaving Badly


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Back in the Day

Comedy series. Nev accidentally breaks Barney's keyboard and it transports him back to Victorian times, where he must escape Angry Pants and his travelling circus.


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OK, you ready, Nev?

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HE PLAYS CHORDS ON KEYBOARD

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Aye aye, captain!

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# Sometimes I meet you in the hallway

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# Sometimes you come for tea

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# But when we say goodbye I wish you stayed here with me

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# Oh Beatrice, oh Beatrice I know it's been a while

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# I just thought I should say to you I like the way you smile. #

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I think that's perfect.

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Beatrice will love my song. What do you reckon?

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Yeah-yeah!

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HE PLAYS A DRUM ROLL

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What? Oh, no! Not again! Oh!

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I dunno how you can sleep through all of this, Doris! Oh!

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BOING!

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I'm going to have to go up to ground level and check out the din.

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Stay there, darlin'. Oh, dear! Wackadoo!

0:01:070:01:10

DRUM ROLL CONTINUES

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Nev!

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Nev! Ahoy!

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Do you know what? Go for it! Rock!

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Oi! Nevvy! Keep the racket down! For a koala used to Aussie time,

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it's the middle of the night!

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-I'm sorry, Keith, did we wake you up?

-Yeah!

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I was just practising a song for Beatrice.

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I hope she's got strong eardrums!

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What's going on in there?!

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Oh, I'd better go!

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If Angry Pants finds I'm living under the floorboards,

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-I'll be koala ketchup!

-See you.

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Oh, yes! I knew you'd be at the bottom of this, Bear!

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Achooo!

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-Morning, Mr Prank!

-Oh! Oh! Hello, Mr Barney, sir.

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Didn't see you there, sir. Sorry to bother you!

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The other tenants said they could hear a slight tapping!

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Oh! Oh, right!

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Nev...

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Plank! Why aren't you hanging out

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my fluffy bunny wallpaper in my guest room?

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My darling niece chose it herself, didn't you, Melanie, dear?

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Actually, Aunt,

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I've kind of grown out of that bunny fluffy-wuffy stuff.

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Yes, dear. So you see, Plank,

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she'll be inconsolable if those bunnies aren't up on the wall

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by her beddy-bye-bye times, won't you?

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-Won't you?

-Um, actually, Aunt, I...

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Oh, I've got a good mind to contact my brother Rupert from Outer Mongolia

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-and get him to sack you, Plank!

-Yeah, right, yeah...

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See what you've done, Rupert?

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What you've hired? A caretaker! Caretaker? Couldn't-care-less taker!

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-Bye!

-Love you, Barbara! Bye, Mr Angry Pants"

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-Laters!

-Bye, coz.

-Love you, Smelanie.

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Is that the time already? Beatrice is gonna be here any second!

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How does the flat look, Nev? Is it OK?

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There's no dirty socks,

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there's no washing up, there's no jam on the walls...

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No washing up, nothing's on fire, still no washing up,

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everything's perfect except for these bin bags,

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so I'm going to take them outside, and you, don't touch anything.

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Aye aye, captain!

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Anything. OK.

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Hmmm.

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Never mind.

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HE PLAYS NOTES ON THE KEYBOARD

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Oh! That din's worse than a pack of partying platypuses!

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Nev!

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-Ooops!

-Bang, crash and wallop

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-goes Barney's plan to sing for Beatrice, Nevvy!

-Ohh!

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-Oh, dear!

-Oh...

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Oh, wackadoo! Try the keys one at a time, Nevvy!

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-You never know, some of them might still work.

-Yeah-yeah.

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Oh...

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Barney's gonna be furious about his cranked-out keyboard!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Oh, dear. At times like this, my ma used to say,

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"Keithie, boy, if only we could right our wrongs and go back in time."

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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Oh!

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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NOTE ECHOES

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Back in time...

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Huh? Oh...

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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NEV SCREAMS

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Oh, blimey, me old mucker! You didn't half give me a fright!

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-NEV SCREAMS

-Keith?

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And who might you be, little fella?

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-Oh, confused!

-Oh...

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He must be simple, poor lad. Could be useful.

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Do you need a place to stay?

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Cos I know the fella who lives in this gaff!

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I know, I know! Barney!

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Barney? That busker? No, he don't live here no more! Used to, mind.

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No, no, my governor!

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He lives here, and he owns the whole block, don't you know?

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-Uh-oh!

-Ah! Here he comes now!

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Oh!

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Another profitable day for Mr Andrew F Prank

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-and his travelling circus!

-Oh!

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants! Crazy Keith, quick! Hide!

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I found you a little blue bear to, er...help you, Mr Prank, sir!

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But, Crazy Keith!

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-Angry Pants scary!

-Well, well, well! What have we here, then?

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Crazy Keith! Koala! K-k-k-k-k-ketchup!

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A rather unusual hyperactive blue bear, if I'm not very much mistaken!

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CONFUSED!

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HE SCREAMS

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Oh...oh...

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NEV SCREAMS

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Feeling better, then, little bear?

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Oh. So, how are you going to assist me with my travelling circus?

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-Keith here does astounding feats.

-Watch and learn, little 'un.

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DRUM ROLL

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Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the most fantastic,

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phenomenal flying furball koala!

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Watch me fly through the apple pie!

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Duck!

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-CRASH!

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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And now...

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..the world's most tremendous, towering, tyrannical...

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-..tall koala!

-Oh!

-As you can see, it's quite a koala-based circus.

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DRUM-ROLL

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Ta-dah!

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HE SCREAMS

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Whoa, whoa...

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Run!

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-Get him, Keith!

-Got you!

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He's a top tumbler, you know.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Begging your pardon, sir! I've just finished scrubbing the floors.

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-I didn't see you there.

-Think nothing of it, miss.

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ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

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Oh, what an angel! Who are you?

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The name's Beatrice, sir. I'm the new maid for Mr Prank.

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Oh, Beatrice...

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So, how shall we make money out of you, blue bear?

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Can you juggle, swallow swords or fight? Yes!

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Roll up, roll up for three rounds with the incredible boxing bear!

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-BELL RINGS

-Ooops!

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Yes, perhaps not. Oh...

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Barney!

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Bear, how do you know that good-for-nothing Barney?

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Best thing old Barbara upstairs ever did was kick him out!

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Love you, Barney!

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# Oh Beatrice, oh Beatrice I know it's been a while

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# I just thought I should say to you I like the way you smile. #

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Love you, Barney!

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Oh, a bottom-shaking blue bear!

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-At last, a creature with real talent!

-Oh!

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Now my travelling circus will be the biggest show on Earth,

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and I shall be rich!

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Ha ha ha ha!

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Home, please.

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Shut it, and have some gruel, Blue Bear.

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-Bleaargh! Yukky!

-Oh!

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-Ice cream, please.

-Ice cream?

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You do know that freezers haven't been invented yet, don't you, Bear?

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-Ice cream costs a fortune!

-Oh! Hungry!

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It might be worth me keeping the bear well-fed

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until he makes me rich.

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Keith, here's a whole shilling. Go and buy the blighter some ice cream.

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Yes, Mr Prank. Straight away, Mr Prank, sir!

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And make it gruel flavour! Now, I've got to get ready.

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I'm going to be rich! I'm going to be rich!

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# I've found myself a little blue bottom-shaking bear

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-# And I'm going to be rich! #

-Mr Prank? It's me, Miss Melanie!

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I'm Aunt Barbara's niece, Mr Prank! Just visiting.

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-She sent me down here to...

-Smelanie!

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-SHE SCREAMS

-Hello, Smelanie.

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How dare you? I do not smell. I had a bath last winter!

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Smelanie, it's me!

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What an extraordinary creature!

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I have to tell Aunt Barbara!

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Barbara!

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Oh! Wait! Help!

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Oh, look at him, the greedy, little...

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Scoffing all the ice cream.

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NEV BURPS

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Yum-yum! More, please!

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MORE?! More?!

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You want more?!

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More, please.

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I think you've had more than enough from me. It's time to shake for me!

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-Can't catch me!

-Oh, come here, Bear!

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NEV SCREAMS

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So where is this exotic animal

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little Melanie's been telling me about?

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Oh, no! Miss Barbara! Exotic animal?

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I don't want to end up stuffed and stuck up on her wall!

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Madam Barbara, how dare you enter my premises without my permission!

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Barbara!

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Oh, my stars! It's the little blue dog of Patagonia!

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Phew! That's right, stuff him, not me!

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Hungry, doggie?

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Wait for it...wait for it...and go!

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NEV BURPS

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I've travelled the world, searching for a blue dog!

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And here it was in your apartment all the time, Mr Plank!

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It's PRANK! Andrew F Prank, Esquire!

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Fascinating!

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It would look marvellous stuffed and mounted, just like Algernon!

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-NEV SCREAMS

-No way, Jose!

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You're forgetting one thing.

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The blue bear, the blue dog, whatever, is mine!

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Finders keepers, Mr Plank, and I do love a chase!

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Oh, no, you don't!

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The dog's mine!

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-Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!

-Psst! Nevvy! In here!

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MR PRANK AND BARBARA SHOUT

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Gotcha! Ha ha ha ha!

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Where have you hidden him? Oh, I'll find him, don't you worry!

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I'll be back, Mr Plank, when you least expect it!

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When I get my hands on that little blue varmint, I'm going to...

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Oi! Mr Prank, sir!

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Look what I caught!

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Oh! You're a good lad, Keith! Ha ha ha ha ha!

0:12:500:12:55

Help!

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Come on, Bear! Wiggle! Dance!

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-Poor little fella. I feel so bad now.

-Frightened!

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Frightened? I'll give you something to be frightened about!

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Ah! The choice is yours. Either dance, or get stuffed!

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Oh! Home time now, please!

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I'm off to the matinee performance of our circus show,

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and you'd better be ready to dance by the time I return. Keith!

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Go and get your wings, and don't be late for curtain up,

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else it's curtains for you!

0:13:360:13:39

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

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Curtains for me, indeed!

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-Who does he think he is?

-Oh, miss you, Barney!

0:13:460:13:52

Oh, poor little blue bear!

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I don't know who you are or where you come from,

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but one thing I do know is us little furry creatures

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have got to stick together.

0:13:590:14:01

Yeah-yeah. Love you, Keith.

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I WAS going to run away and leave you to Mr Prank.

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-No way, Jose!

-But you know what?

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I AM gonna run away, and take you with me!

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Chip-a-dee-a!

0:14:110:14:13

DOOR BANGS Who's there?

0:14:130:14:15

It's me, Miss Melanie. I've come to pinch little blue one for my aunt.

0:14:150:14:19

Aw, there he is.

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But, Miss Melanie, you can't!

0:14:210:14:23

He'll end up stuffed, like Algernon.

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WHIMPERS

0:14:260:14:27

How's about helping us escape, instead?

0:14:270:14:30

Melanie, my dear!

0:14:380:14:40

What are you carrying under that apron?

0:14:400:14:43

Is it that little blue dog for me?

0:14:430:14:46

It's...a cage, Aunt Barbara, with a bird in it.

0:14:460:14:50

Fascinating! Let me see this bird.

0:14:500:14:53

See it? Well...

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It's asleep. And it's shy.

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Nonsense! I insist!

0:14:580:15:00

Tweet-tweet!

0:15:050:15:07

Oh, yes - the common bluebird.

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Of no interest scientifically.

0:15:090:15:12

Now, where's that little blue dog?

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-Phew!

-Jellied eels, that was close and no mistake!

0:15:160:15:20

Little blue dog!

0:15:210:15:24

Where are you?

0:15:240:15:26

Come to your Auntie Barbara!

0:15:260:15:30

Keith!

0:15:300:15:31

Where are you, you little urchin?!

0:15:310:15:34

Why did you miss your curtain call?

0:15:340:15:37

Keith!

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There's no point hiding from me.

0:15:390:15:42

Who's there?

0:15:420:15:44

Is that you, Keith?

0:15:440:15:46

Wahrgh!

0:15:470:15:48

Arrghh!

0:15:480:15:50

-You little rascals can hide in here till nightfall.

-Much obliged, Miss.

0:15:500:15:54

Love you, Smelanie!

0:15:540:15:56

Now, let's get this cage unlocked.

0:15:560:15:59

Right, let's have a butcher's round here.

0:15:590:16:02

Ah-ha!

0:16:020:16:04

Well, would you look at that?

0:16:040:16:06

Why, it's as big as the blooming Palladium in 'ere!

0:16:090:16:13

A koala could make himself very comfortable.

0:16:130:16:16

Ooh! Good day to you, Miss. The name's Keith - Crazy Keith.

0:16:160:16:20

Ouch!

0:16:230:16:24

-Excuse me... Are you all right, little 'un?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:16:240:16:28

Cor! You can see everything wot's going on upstairs!

0:16:290:16:33

-ECHOING:

-I'll find that bear if it's the last thing I do.

0:16:330:16:37

It WILL be the last thing you ever do!

0:16:370:16:40

He must be around here...

0:16:400:16:42

They're having a right ding-dong.

0:16:420:16:45

Ohh!

0:16:460:16:47

Ohh!

0:16:470:16:48

That piano is your own? What are you trying to tell me, me old mucker?

0:16:480:16:53

Music! # De-de doo, de-de doo! #

0:16:530:16:57

Piano! Plink-plink, plonk-plonk, wibble-wibble-wibble, ding-dong!

0:16:570:17:02

Ah! Playing a certain tune on the piano transported you to our world.

0:17:020:17:07

-And if you played it again, it might take you home.

-Yeah-yeah!

0:17:070:17:11

That's the craziest thing wot I ever did 'ear.

0:17:110:17:14

-Piano now, please!

-We're safe here. Going back to the piano is too risky.

0:17:140:17:19

Go home time.

0:17:190:17:22

Oh, what's the point of life if you don't take some chances? Ooh-hoo!

0:17:220:17:27

Follow me, little fella! I reckon this might be a secret tunnel.

0:17:270:17:32

Oh, and...lovely to meet you. Mwah!

0:17:320:17:35

Sweetheart.

0:17:350:17:36

Oh, wasn't she a picture?

0:17:390:17:41

I can just see myself settling down with a darling like her.

0:17:410:17:45

So, whoever wins this match gets the bear.

0:17:480:17:51

-It's a dog!

-It's a bear.

0:17:510:17:53

-That tunnel's going to come in handy.

-Yeah-yeah.

0:17:550:17:58

Hey, they look busy. And there's the piano!

0:17:580:18:02

Run for it, Nevvy. I have an idea.

0:18:020:18:04

-There he is!

-Where?

0:18:040:18:07

Loser!

0:18:080:18:09

-There!

-Oh!

0:18:090:18:10

That blue bear is my passport to fame and fortune.

0:18:120:18:17

But I won the arm wrestle.

0:18:170:18:20

I saw him first.

0:18:200:18:22

-GRUFF VOICE: Wait!

-What?

0:18:220:18:24

Leave the bear alone. GRUFF: Leave the bear alone.

0:18:240:18:28

I-I-It's alive!

0:18:280:18:30

Bear, play the same notes as before. Try to get back home.

0:18:300:18:34

OK, Crazy Keith.

0:18:340:18:35

Hang on!

0:18:350:18:37

I thought I recognised that voice.

0:18:370:18:40

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

0:18:410:18:43

Oops!

0:18:460:18:46

I might have guessed! Keith.

0:18:460:18:49

You're in deep trouble.

0:18:490:18:51

I'm going to send you away.

0:18:510:18:53

Not the workhouse! Please, not the workhouse!

0:18:530:18:56

Oh, no - much worse than that.

0:18:560:18:59

I'm going to send you to Australia.

0:18:590:19:02

Oh, no, no! Not Austr...

0:19:020:19:05

Australia? Hurray!

0:19:050:19:08

Woo-hoo! I've got family in Australia. See you, Mr Prank!

0:19:080:19:12

Cheerio, Blue Bear. I'm off Down Under, don't you know?!

0:19:120:19:16

Now, where were we?

0:19:170:19:20

-You were just about to hand over the little blue dog!

-I was not!

0:19:200:19:25

The blue BEAR is my ticket to fame and fortune.

0:19:250:19:28

I'd rather give you this whole house than let you have him.

0:19:280:19:33

You'd give up a whole house for the dog?!

0:19:330:19:36

What a deal!

0:19:370:19:39

We'll take it!

0:19:390:19:40

We?

0:19:400:19:42

-Who's we?

-Why, me and my dear brother Rupert, of course.

0:19:420:19:46

Oh, here you are. What do I care?

0:19:460:19:48

That blue bear will buy me a whole new street.

0:19:480:19:53

Yes!

0:19:530:19:54

This house shall become the family home,

0:19:540:19:57

passed on from generation to generation.

0:19:570:20:01

Nephew Barney shall move back in

0:20:010:20:03

and overseeing it all, in pride of place,

0:20:030:20:07

will be dear brother Rupert,

0:20:070:20:10

keeping an eye on all the Barneys and Melanies,

0:20:100:20:14

and, who knows, the little blue dogs of the future.

0:20:140:20:17

Whatever!

0:20:170:20:18

What's going on?

0:20:220:20:24

Don't leave me, Bear!

0:20:240:20:25

'Playing a certain tune transported you to our world!

0:20:250:20:28

'If you played it again, it might take you home.'

0:20:280:20:32

Home time!

0:20:320:20:34

Bear!

0:20:340:20:36

That din's worse than a pack of padding platypuses, Nev.

0:20:410:20:45

Me love you, Crazy Keith!

0:20:480:20:50

Aw, love you too, Nevvy, but... YAWNS

0:20:500:20:54

..a koala needs his zeds!

0:20:540:20:56

Barney! Love you, Barney.

0:20:560:20:59

I love you too, mate.

0:20:590:21:01

I only took the rubbish out.

0:21:010:21:03

You'd think we've been separated for years.

0:21:030:21:06

-Why are you looking at me like that?

-KNOCK

0:21:060:21:09

Tell me later. That's Beatrice! I'm so glad I practised the song.

0:21:090:21:13

BEAR MUTTERS

0:21:240:21:27

Oh, can't sleep.

0:21:270:21:29

-It's no good, mate. I'll have to get a new keyboard.

-Too right, bro.

0:21:290:21:34

Some of the notes still work - listen.

0:21:340:21:37

Stop, please!

0:21:410:21:43

OK. Anything you want to tell me about?

0:21:430:21:46

Uh...

0:21:460:21:48

Never mind.

0:21:480:21:49

Oh, it's late. Tell me tomorrow.

0:21:490:21:52

Time for beddy-byes, I think.

0:21:520:21:54

-Night, mate.

-Night, Barney.

0:21:560:21:58

Love you.

0:21:580:22:00

I love you too.

0:22:000:22:02

Comedy series starring Barney Harwood and Nev the bear. When Nev accidentally breaks Barney's keyboard, a freak turn of events transports him back to Victorian times, where he struggles to escape the clutches of Angry Pants and his travelling circus.

Angry Pants spots Nev dancing and immediately sees an opportunity to make his fortune, realising that a performing booty-shaking blue bear will soon attract the circus crowds and make him rich. Nev, meanwhile, has just one thing on his mind. He must discover a way of escaping this time zone, where everyone seems to want a piece of him, and get back to the safety of home.