Arty Time Bear Behaving Badly

HE HUMS A HAPPY TUNE

-Barney, Barney! Sparkly!

-Hello. Stop cleaning now. We've finished.

-Can I say what a great job you've done inside?

-Too right!

Nice!

I feel like I've done a day's work already.

Still, no rest for me. Don't forget. Keep the place nice and tidy.

-Aunt Barbara's got a party later.

-Party, party! Groovy!

Not our kind of party. Something to do with a portrait competition.

You know Aunt Barbara. It'll be grand and snooty.

-She's awarding a cash prize to the winning artist.

-Huh?!

-You should draw a picture and send it in.

-I win, I win!

Right, got everything - my helmet, bike pump, lunch box, bag. Good.

-Um, pyjamas?

-No, I don't need those, mate.

-Um, jamas.

-All right, see you later.

Oh, um... Barney?

Hmm... Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Oh... Oh, you'd be so proud, Mummy!

You always said my future lay with a brush.

A little more yellow, I think.

LAUGHTER Thank you, Bandit!

Now then, what shall we spend the portrait competition

-prize money on, do you think, Bandit?

-Huh?

-I'll tell you what!

How about a well-deserved holiday in the sun?

-Yeah!

-Oh, yes!

-Sun...

-Oh!

-..sea...

-Oh!

-..sand...

-Oh!

-..senoritas!

-Huh?!

-What could be more ideal

for an over-worked, under-appreciated caretaker?

I'll tell you what, Bandit! This portrait's such a dead cert to win,

I've already started packing.

-Ha-ha!

-Oh...

Oh, yes, Bandit! The future is finally...

looking bright!

-Miaow!

-Oh, no!

Oh, my painting!

One remote control to operate ALL our electrical devices!

Ha-ha! Watch this, Doris! Ta-da!

So...what do you think about that, my little kookaburra?

Wanna see how it works?

Woo-hoo! I knew you'd be impressed!

THUD! > Huh?! Oh!

I'm going upstairs to show Nevvy.

WHIRRING

Ha-ha! Oh, dear!

Oh, what?!

How is an artiste expected to create with all this noise going on?

Ooh! I never knew you were an artist as well as a caretaker, Mr Prank!

I should've guessed, really.

-A man so sensitive and creative as yourself.

-Yes.

Well, I have just finished my masterpiece.

-Ooh, can I see it?

-No, my competition entry's

-not really ready for public display yet.

-Oh!

-Although...

-Hmm?

..I could use a postie.

-Little me?

-It's a big job, mind!

-Ooh!

-Do you think you're up to it?

Well, I'm good enough for Her Majesty!

Good. In that case, come back after your rounds.

My painting will be in the hallway ready for delivery to the gallery,

-along with the entry form.

-Oh, righty-o! Anything for you.

Oh, such a manly door slam!

Ooh. Hee-hee!

HE HUMS TO HIMSELF

Arty, arty, arty! Finished! Ta-da! I win!

-Ha-ha!

-Win what, Nevvy?

Huh? Crazy Keith! I win, I win!

Didgeridoo-da, buddy! Is that a self-portrait?!

It's awesome!

Yeah, yeah! Oh, what's that?

-You're not the only one who's been all creative this morning.

-Ooh?

No! Check out this new remote control I invented.

-Hi, Nev. Hi, Keith.

-Beetroot!

-Hey! Great painting, Nev!

-It's me!

-I can see that. Listen, you two, you're just what I need.

Tasters for my smoothie recipe. I have a new fruity combo to try.

-Tip-toparoo!

-Beauty!

-Can I make it here? My mixer's on the blink.

Whatever! Yeah, so... back to my remote control!

With just one push, it controls anything electrical. Watch this!

-Agh!

-Agh! Agh!

-Turn it off!

-No worries!

MUSIC PLAYS

NEV SCREAMS

Help me, buddy!

MUSIC STOPS

At last.

So...marks out of ten for the new remote control, then.

-Er, less than minus one, I'd say, Keith.

-Hmm.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

There, ha-ha!

Finished!

There, Bandit, you are looking at the winning portrait.

-Ooh!

-My passport to fame...

-Ooh!

-..fortune...

-Ooh!

-..and free time!

-Oh, uh-uh!

Oh, you're a genius, Mr Prank, a genius!

BANDIT SIGHS

Ha-ha! What a masterpiece!

Lord Prank!

Plank, explain yourself!

Why hasn't this floor been polished ready for my party?

Hello, Miss Barbara, sir, er...ma'am.

Well, get on with it, Plank! And for good gravy's sake,

-wipe that mustard off your face!

-Yeah.

I bet Picasso never had to polish floors!

That's better. Nearly done.

Soon, the flat will be super tidy for the party later.

In one! Ha-ha!

-Sparkly!

-OK... I am off to get some more fruit.

Aw, it's a shame your self-portrait won't make the competition now, Nev.

-Wanna chuck it out with the rubbish?

-OK, Beetroot.

See you!

Oh! Another work of art, Beatrice?

Ooh! Great, Mr Prank.

THUD! > Steady.

-Oh, you! What's that, then?

-Arty! Mine!

-Oh.

HE SNEEZES LOUDLY

-Oh!

-Ha-ha!

Setting off my allergies, are you, bear?!

-Can't scare me!

-Come 'ere!

Ha-ha!

Oh, oh! Agh!

Oh, confused.

-Come here, bear!

-Oh!

AGH!

WHIRRING

-Agh!

-Ah, hi, Nevvy! Glad you dropped by.

I reckon I've cracked the clicker. Doris is pumped. Aren't ya, possum?

She doesn't like to talk about it much, but look,

if I push this button, it operates her hairdryer.

-Good, eh?

-Groovy!

Yeah, and if I press this one, it makes the instant disco start.

MUSIC PLAYS

Good, eh?!

-MUSIC STOPS

-Magic!

-Yeah! Now...

Let's try it on the motor.

-ENGINE REVS

-Zoom, zoom! Love you, Crazy Keith!

Object for dispatch identified!

RADIO CRACKLES

Agh!

Ooh...

Correction - two objects for dispatch.

RADIO CRACKLES

Oh, look at that! Huh?! Ooh, Mr Prank!

He's such a genius!

Agh-oh!

Whoa-oh!

What?! Whoa!

Over here, Plank!

-Oh, are you all right, Miss Barbara, sir? Ma'am?

-No!

-Give me a hand.

-Oh.

I see that you finally polished the floor.

Anything for you, ma'am.

I want you to get out and hose down the front of the house.

Make the block absolutely spotless for the portrait competition party.

Righty-o!

-Ooh.

-Oh, agh!

THUD! >

Oh, ooh! Nice job, Prank!

-Vroom-vroom!

-Ha-ha!

The remote works a treat, Nevvy! Faster, faster!

Bye, Keith!

ENGINE REVS Whoa-oh!

-< CRASH!

-Oops!

Oh, I dunno...

Work, you stupid thing! What's the matter with you?

-Excuse me?

-Huh?!

Ooh, er... Ah! Sorry! Sorry about that!

-There was a drip causing trouble!

-Quite!

I didn't, um... I didn't splash you at all, did I?!

I'm looking for a Mr Prank!

Oh, why? He's not running a secret ice-cream business or anything!

-No, no, no, no!

-Oh!

-He has created a masterpiece!

-Oh!

-I am Mr Ralph O'Harris,

chairman of the art competition committee and one of the judges.

Oh! Well, then, you'd, er... You'd better come inside.

-For I am Mr Prank!

-Oh!

-There! Welcome to my humble studio.

-Very good.

-Yes.

Now, Prank, you've created something of real beauty.

-Yeah. When do I collect first prize?

-It hasn't won.

-Hasn't it?

-No.

Neither of your two entries has won.

Well, not yet, anyway.

Oh-h! Aha!

This particular piece is the one I love - a remarkable vision.

-Such colours, such texture.

-Indeed.

-We already have a rich art collector who wants to buy it.

-You do?!

And he wants another one exactly the same.

Well, of course! Who wouldn't?

He thinks your portrait is genius.

(That's the bear's!)

The buyer will pay you handsomely.

For that?!

-This is your work?

-What, this? Oh...oh, yes.

Yes, that's definitely a Prank, no mistaking that.

-And you could do another one exactly the same?

-Oh, yes.

-All my tools of the trade are here.

-Excellent. I require it by teatime,

when I'll pay you in cash. Our rich art collector must fly home tonight.

Well, you can depend on me. The bear's... My painting will be ready.

-And we'll have decided on the winning entry by then.

-Oh-h!

Entre nous, one of your paintings will certainly be getting my vote.

Goodbye.

Yes.

Ah! That's money for old rope! Anyone could paint that old rubbish,

even a b...bear.

VROOM!

Geronimo! Wack-a-doo!

Yes, of course, Paella.

Prank is doing a matching tableau of his work. I have the original here.

CLUNK! Blow me! That's Nevvy's picture!

All you need is to have the cash ready to pay Prank on delivery.

Hang on! So old Angry-Pants is saying Nev's work of art is his,

and getting paid for doing a copy of it! Cor, what a cheat!

Nev's gonna hear about this.

-You know, Bandit...

-Mm?

..how hard can it be to paint as badly as that bear?

-Yeah!

-I mean, his portrait was just a blue splodge on canvas.

Mm.

I mean, I see him every day...

and every night...in my nightmares.

Ohhh...

Oh, yes, I can paint that bear, yes.

-I am an artist.

-Yeah!

Deep colours, Bandit, deep colours.

A bit of a sun in the corner...

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

It's no good...

I'm going to have to get that bear to do it for me.

Awwwwww...

CRIES

So, all that Angry-Pants has to do is copy a painting

and he'll pocket a load of cash.

-Hmm. Naughty-Pants!

-Yeah! But he'll need your help, of course, Nevvy.

-Cos no-one could paint that bad. Hahahaha!

-Too right, bro.

So when he comes begging, which he surely will,

ya just need to get something out of him in return.

Start thinking about what you want. Any ideas?

-Hmm. Ice cream!

-Ahh, you've got it!

-Ha, let's toast our success.

-CLUNK!

-Yippee!

-THEY LAUGH

Oh... Oh!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

GRUNTS

OK, Nevvy, leave the big red button alone,

or you'll mess the whole place up again.

Never press the red button or it's a disaster.

-OK, Keith.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Bear!

-That'll be Angry-Pants. Strike a good ice cream deal, Nevvy.

BANGING Bear!

Right, bear, all you need to do is another painting

identical to the last one you did.

-Ice cream, now, please.

-You what?

ICE CREAM. Now, please.

I'll give you ice...

Yeah, all right, then. I suppose I could stretch to a small scoop

of Prank's out-of-date Vanilla Surprise.

-No way, Jose...

-KEITH MUTTERS

-More, please!

-More...

OK, well how about a whole day's supply of ice cream?

-No, no, no. More, please.

-You drive a hard bargain, bear.

But I do need that painting...

All right, then, A week's supply of my best ice cream. Final offer.

OK.

Bonza!

Right, a week's supply of free ice cream.

But it means you've gotta get painting immediately, right,

and it's gotta be exactly the same as the last one you did.

Right, there we go. Now, I don't care what it takes,

but no ice cream until it's right.

Hmm.

No, bear! It's not good enough.

No ice cream until you get it right.

Hmm... I know, I know. Fruity.

Where are you going, bear? What do you mean, "fruity"?

NEV HUMS

Bear, stop messing about in the kitchen,

I thought we had a deal. Go on.

CONTINUES TO HUM

Arghhhhh!

Easy-peasy!

HE GROWLS

I'll get you for this, bear. Where are you?

-Here I am.

-Ahh... Argh...

Oh. Oh! Well, that'll have to do, I suppose.

In fact, not bad.

-Not bad at all.

-Ice cream, please.

Ice cream comes later.

There's someone I've gotta meet first.

-AUNT BARBARA:

-Plank? Plank, where are you?

The party guests are starting to arrive

and the house is still a mess!

-Uh-oh... Arty party. Mundo problemo.

-Yes...

CRASHING AND BANGING I think I need the loo...

Careful! It's a bit slippy.

Barney!

The place is a mess!

Really, Barney. I feel very let down by you.

I'd better mingle.

But I don't know how the place got so messy.

Nev?

Erm... Naughty-Pants.

What?

Mr Prank... Mr Prank caused this mess?

Prank, old chap!

Oh! Mr Ralph O'Harris, sir.

-Bad news, I'm afraid.

-Oh?

The rich buyer that wanted to buy that painting

went for a sculpture instead.

I'm afraid that copy will no longer be required.

-Oh, I took ages...

-Although both originals

-are still in the running for the competition!

-Oh!

You've got my vote!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, Ralph. If you would be so kind,

I think it's time to put everybody out of their misery

and announce the winner, don't you?

Of course, Barbara.

And as for you, Plank, haven't you any caretaking to do?

I'm sure we're all desperate to know who has won the portrait competition

and, along with it, the £500 prize money.

-I win, I win!

-Money's mine, bear. It's my good time ticket out of here.

NEV GROWLS

The winner of the portrait competition and prize money is...

Good gravy! Can this be right?!

..Mr Andy Plank?

Yessss!

It's PRANK, by the way. P-R-A-N...

Andy Prank! Haha!

P-R-A-N-K. Prank - Andrew Prank.

Hahahahaha!

For this masterpiece.

GASPS

Excuse me!

Excuse me, Mr Angry-Pants.

Mine! I win.

Keep quiet, bear, and you'll still get your ice cream, all right? Shh!

Who would have thought it, Plank? You an artist!

Well! Thank you, thank you very, very much.

You are so lucky living next to such talent.

Come on, everybody, let's celebrate! Oi, bear. Hahaha!

-Let's liven up this party.

-I wouldn't do that...

-No, no, no!

Music!

BANGING AND SCREAMING AND MUSIC STARTS

MUSIC STOPS AND GUESTS SCREAM

Oh!

Whoops...

I'll take that money to restore Uncle Rupert's portrait!

Yes, sir... Ma'am.

And you can clean up this mess too.

HE GRUNTS

Smile, please.

HE GROWLS Bear... Achoo!

Oh, what a day, Nev.

Mr Prank's full of surprises, isn't he?

What about him painting that picture of you, as well.

Hmm, yeah, yeah.

-Yeah. It's nice of him to give us the pictures too.

-Tip-toparoo.

Hmm. It's a shame it was Mr Prank who put them up, though. Ha!

-Hmm.

-It was really nice of Mr Prank to give us all of this ice cream.

-Yum-yum!

-There's enough here for a whole week.

-Hmm. Too right, bro.

Anyway, listen, I've had enough, I think. I'm tired.

-Do you wanna turn the lights out?

-OK.

Ahh. Mmm...

Oh... Confused!

I thought you said crazy Keith had fixed that!

Argh! Oh, well, never mind.

Wow-wee! Oh!