A Star Is Born Bear Behaving Badly


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A Star Is Born

Comedy series. When Nev and Crazy Keith compose the Jibadeah Rap, they become an instant internet hit, transformed into bear band megastars before lunchtime.


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Transcript


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-Ready, Barney.

-Oh, OK. Ahem!

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome,

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live from my living room with their debut track,

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it's Nev and Keith as Bear B Bad!

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DISCORDANT NOTES, FEEDBACK WHISTLES

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Bear B Bad coming at you, live and direct!

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-Too right, bro!

-This one goes out to the band!

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-Love you, Barney!

-Love you too.

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MUSIC STARTS

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# One day Goldilocks She came to my wood

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# Snuck into my house, was up to no good

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-# She said this bed's too...

-Hard!

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-# This bed's too...

-Soft!

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-# But even she say Bear Be Bad...

-Rocks! #

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Nice.

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# Hop to the left Hop to the right

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# And do the bootie shake with all of your might

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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# We got no worries We got no fear

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-# We got the magic word

-J-J-Jibadeah! #

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Oh, brilliant! That was awesome. Well done!

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-So you really liked it?

-For the 400th time, yes, I like it! It's good.

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I knew it. Jibadeah Rock is going to be a massive hit

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-and we are going to be pop stars!

-Being a pop star isn't that easy!

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Managers will exploit you, you'll have creative differences,

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you'll end up hating each other.

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-Ah, that'll never happen! Best buds forever!

-Love you, Crazy Keith!

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-It's always been Nev's dream to be a pop star.

-No, it hasn't.

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-Nev's biggest dream was to be a fire engine.

-Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw!

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-Oh, yeah.

-It's YOUR dream to be a pop star.

-I knew it was one of us!

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I just want to be massively famous and incredibly wealthy!

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-What's with the shades?

-It's me persona. I'm no longer Keith.

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I'm Bear X...of mystery.

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-Really.

-And I've got a massive spot I need to hide too.

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Don't be silly! It can't be that bad.

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KLAXON BLARES

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Why don't you put the shades back on there? Yeah, that's good.

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-We'll call you Bear X. It's a good idea.

-Told ya.

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Cheers, Nev. We've got a lot of spoons!

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-Here I am.

-Oh... Thanks for that... Well, I'm off to work.

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I'm presenting a new music show tonight, you've got to watch it.

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Watch it?! We'll probably be ON it!

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You are a couple of spoons short of a cutlery set.

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Cheers! Always dishing out the compliments!

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SHOUTING Hello, Mr Barney sir!

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Hi, Mr Prank. You not on caretaking duties?

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I've just come back from that music festival!

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-Was the music very loud, by any chance?

-What?! I can't hear you!

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I was stood next to the speaker for the whole thing! It was very loud!

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-Yeah, thought so.

-What? Yeah - a new hat! Part of my new image!

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Too cool for school!

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Goodbye, Mr Barney, sir!

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Ducky... Socks...

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Right, I've uploaded our song onto the Internet

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and I reckon we'll be international pop sensations by...lunchtime!

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-Yeah, yeah.

-We need to work on our look.

-Why?

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Being a pop star is as much about what you look like as the tunes!

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-Boring!

-Aw, come on, Nev! It'll be fun!

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-OK, Crazy Keith.

-Rock on! Now, let's find you a new look.

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You need a cool and funky, floppy new hat. And I know where to get one!

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Crazy!

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Stay here, I'll be right back.

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SNORING

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Bingo!

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What?!

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Who's there?!

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Why is it so quiet?!

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That is the bomb, Nev. You look well wicked, dude. You look bangin'!

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-Confused.

-Sorry, I was practising talking like a rapper!

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You look bonzer! Nothing'll stop us becoming pop stars now!

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-BEAR! >

-Agh! Angry Pants! I'm outta here!

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Right, Bear! Where's my...hat?!

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Uh-oh.

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Where'd he go?!

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-Hello, Mr Angry Pants!

-Ah-hah!

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Got ya! And now I'm gonna squash ya!

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-Prank!

-You'll be sorry you ever met me, Bear!

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-POP! PING!

-Oh, that's good! I can hear again!

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-What are you doing?

-I was just, er...

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You are playing with Nevvy when you should be caretaking!

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I've been looking everywhere for you!

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-Woof!

-I know he's a lovely little doggy, but you've got work to do!

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-Woof-woof!

-Oh, Nevvy! Doggy-choc?

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Wait for it. Wait for it! And go!

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-Good doggy!

-He's not a doggy and he stole my hat!

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Oh, don't be ridiculous! That's a doggy hat! Look how it suits Nev!

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You're not a dog, are you?!

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-Er, no!

-Exactly! Come on, we've got work to do! Heel!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Wackadoo! We've got the song, the look, the moves!

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All we've got to do is wait for pop stardom to come calling.

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PHONE RINGS

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Wow! That was quicker than I expected!

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-Here I am!

-Hi, Nev.

-Oh, Barney! Just you!

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It's a pleasure to hear your voice too, Keith(!) I've got good news.

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Bear B Bad's first track has gone massive. Everyone loves it.

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-I knew it! I knew it!

-Groovy!

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People really like it!

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Oh, wow! Barney is on the phone to Bear B Bad right now! >

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That was Fiona. She works in my office. She's a big fan.

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Oh, wow! We are going to be bigger than big! We are already huge!

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Don't judge anything by Fiona. She's the world's most excited person.

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Oh, wow! Look out the window - a tree! Agh! >

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-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

-The song's doing really well.

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But be careful - fame can bring its troubles. Remember what I said.

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-Yeah, yeah! Gotta go - deals to make, people to see!

-Hang on...

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-Love you, Barney.

-We are going to be mega stars, Nev!

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I'm gonna have a swimming pool in the shape of a guitar...

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Hmm. Confused.

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Any second now, fame and fortune is gonna come knocking at our door!

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Wackadoo! Things are happening fast!

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Guys, guys! I'm here now. Everything is under control.

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Right, I'll take the register. Nev?

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-Here I am.

-Present. Bear X?

-Yeah, here I am.

-Present!

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Lovely to meet you. I'm a massive fan of your work.

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And, finally, Melanie, manager of Bear B Bad... Present! OK.

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-When did you become our manager?!

-Straight to the point. I like that.

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As your manager, I must anticipate every one of your needs.

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I anticipated your need for a manager. So I hired myself.

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-OK...I guess that makes sense.

-Er, no, no, no.

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With my management skills, you two will become megastars.

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All I ask is 99.9% of your money in return.

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-How much did she say?

-All I need is your paw print on this contract.

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-Then I can make you fabulously famous!

-Ooh!

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-No way, Jose.

-But, Nev...

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It's OK. I anticipated this too. If you both sign up, you will get...

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an ice cream sundae each.

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First things first, let's sort the contract.

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Right, paw print here...

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and here.

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Head butt here.

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-Blow a raspberry here.

-PBBRRBBPPP!

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And we're done. Now, let's go meet your fans.

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-We have fans?!

-Jibadeah!

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, the band you've been waiting for.

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Go wild, go crazy, it's Bear B Bad!

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SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE

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They love us!

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Fame and fortune, here we come! Your fame, my fortune.

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I can finally buy myself that golden pony I've always wanted!

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-SILENCE

-Hm, that's weird.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Wait a sec...

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SILENCE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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SILENCE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

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-What are you doing?

-Just a little market research.

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What's going on?! Why are there people screaming outside the block?

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-Ah, Mr Prank.

-Hello, Miss Melanie. I didn't realise you was here.

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Yes, I'm here with my clients, the new musical sensation - Bear B Bad.

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I've heard of them on the radio! Who's in the band?

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-It's Nev...

-Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

-..and the mysterious Bear X.

-Yo.

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Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

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On the radio?

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You look familiar.

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Yeah, I get that a lot.

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I've just been hanging out at a big music festival myself.

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I'm hip to the groove with you crazy cats!

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Oh! You're not looking for any new band members, are you?

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I cut a mean rug and I can hold a tune! Ahem!

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HE SINGS OUT OF TUNE

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Yeah. I'm afraid the band's kind of full at the moment.

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But we do need a security guard, what with all the fans around now.

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-What does the job involve?

-Pushing people around, giving orders.

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Sounds perfect! I'll take it!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE FADES

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CHANTING: Who are ya?! Who are ya?!

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I'm the band's security guard and you lot can clear off!

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BOOING

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All right, stay for a little bit! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You can stay for as long as you like!

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Free ice cream for everyone! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh, what did I just say?!

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I was joking about the ice cream!

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BOOING

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Oh, they get ugly quickly round here, don't they?

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OK, Jibadeah Rock, the music video, take one! And action.

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Bear B Bad coming at ya, live and direct!

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-Too right, bro.

-With our new backing singers.

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Will this really help me meet Bill Oddie, Melanie dear?

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-Yes, Aunt.

-Are we in the band now, then?

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No, you're a security guard.

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-How is this security work?

-It just is!

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Bored now.

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-Nev, you're being a pop star, remember?

-Yeah, yeah!

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Kick it!

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Move over, Bear X, Nev is who the people want to see!

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Drop the beat!

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# One day Goldilocks came to my wood

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# Snuck into my house Was up to no good

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-# She said this bed's too...

-Hard!

0:14:210:14:23

-# This bed's too...

-Soft!

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-# But even she said Bear B Bad...

-Rocks!

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# Hop to the left Hop to the right

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# Do the bootie shake with all of your might

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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# We got no worries, we got no fear

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-# We got the magic word

-J-J-Jibadeah! #

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Ah! Look, Nev, Melanie said we had to write our follow-up single.

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Two hours we've been at it. We're getting nowhere!

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-I know, I know.

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

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# Socks, socks, socks! #

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Ah! Nev, for the last time, that's not a song!

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It's just banging the keyboard and shouting, "Socks, socks, socks!"

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Please do something else!

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No problemo!

0:15:140:15:16

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Jam, jam, jam! #

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Ah! I give up.

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How are my furry little hit-machines doing?

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Nev, play your best idea so far.

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Ahem!

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PLONK! PERRRRLONK! PERRRRLONK!

0:15:290:15:32

-PERRRLONK! PERRLONK!

-# Ducky, ducky, ducky! #

0:15:320:15:35

Hmmmm.

0:15:360:15:38

OK.

0:15:380:15:40

He has very similar songs about jam and socks.

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-Is that all?

-Mm-hmm.

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But I have a new idea for a song.

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Let's hear it.

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# Ch-doo, ch-doo Choo choo

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# I'm a crazy Koala in a crazy tree

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# Won't you come along and get crazy with me?

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# Wackadoo wackadoo Wack wackadoo

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# I can, you can, he can too

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# Wack wacka wacka wacka Wackadoo! #

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Ha ha ha!

0:16:040:16:06

Let's hear that jam song.

0:16:060:16:08

That's it! I've had enough of this!

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You're a rubbish manager and I'm leaving the band.

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Fine, we don't need you anyway.

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Mundo problemo! Crazy Keith!

0:16:190:16:23

-Who?

-X Bear.

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We don't need him, as long as we've got you, Nev.

0:16:250:16:29

No way, Jose.

0:16:290:16:31

Look, we can always get someone else.

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N-n-n-no!

0:16:340:16:36

You're just upset, I'll get you some ice-cream.

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Oh!

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Love you, Crazy Keith.

0:16:420:16:45

CHEERING

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Fans of Bear B Bad, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

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I've decided to leave the band. GASP!

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But don't worry, I'll be releasing a solo single called Wackadoo!

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Oh... Boo!

0:17:050:17:06

Oh! Ow!

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Ha! I told that Bear X he'd be nothing without me.

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He could always start his own fruit and veg business.

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All I have to do is convince Nev to stay in Bear B Bad

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and everything will be fine. How hard can that be?

0:17:200:17:24

How hard can it be?

0:17:240:17:27

-N-n-n-no!

-CRASH!

0:17:270:17:29

-No way, Jose!

-CRASH! SQUELCH!

0:17:290:17:31

Aaaaaaaaaah!

0:17:310:17:32

RUMBLE! CRASH!

0:17:320:17:35

CRASH! SPLAT!

0:17:350:17:37

OK, as it turns out, pretty hard. Nev's quit the band.

0:17:390:17:43

Oh no!

0:17:430:17:45

No, it's fine. It's absolutely fine.

0:17:450:17:49

Come on, we're not beaten yet.

0:17:490:17:52

Am I still the security guard even though there's nobody to guard?

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Oh, no, it's much better than that.

0:17:560:17:59

I'm gonna make you...star.

0:17:590:18:01

O-ooh!

0:18:010:18:03

-Bear B Bad doesn't need those two no-talent bears!

-Right, yeah.

0:18:030:18:09

SNIFF! I miss you, Nev, buddy.

0:18:110:18:14

Lonely. Miss you, Crazy Keith... um...X Bear.

0:18:160:18:21

'Being pop stars isn't easy.

0:18:210:18:24

'There are going to be managers who want to exploit you.

0:18:240:18:28

'You'll have creative differences.

0:18:280:18:31

'You'll end up being two best friends who hate each other.'

0:18:310:18:35

Oh, Nev and me, best buds forever!

0:18:350:18:40

Oh! I know, I know!

0:18:400:18:42

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

0:18:440:18:47

SNIFF! SNIFF!

0:18:470:18:49

Ooh! Oh!

0:18:510:18:52

Oh! Whoa!

0:18:560:18:59

Ouch.

0:18:590:19:01

Crazy Keith! Crazy Keith!

0:19:010:19:04

Crazy Keith!

0:19:040:19:06

Hey, Nev, buddy!

0:19:060:19:07

-Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

-CLONK!

0:19:070:19:09

Oh, sorry, buddy.

0:19:090:19:11

Oh, ah.

0:19:110:19:13

-Aaaaaaaaaaah!

-CLONK!

0:19:130:19:15

Oh, mate, I didn't mean to scare you.

0:19:150:19:18

I got a load of fruit from...er...somewhere

0:19:180:19:21

and I made a face mask to clear up my spots.

0:19:210:19:24

Hmm. Groovy.

0:19:240:19:25

Oh, listen, buddy, I'm really sorry about the band.

0:19:250:19:30

All that fame went to my head. I went crazy.

0:19:300:19:33

-And not in a good way.

-No problemo.

0:19:330:19:36

-Cheers, mate. I've got a present to apologise.

-Ooooh!

0:19:360:19:41

Surprise!

0:19:420:19:44

Tip-top-aroo! Oh, love you, Crazy Keith.

0:19:440:19:48

No worries, mate.

0:19:480:19:50

Oh, look!

0:19:500:19:52

-You're a fire engine!

-Ta-da!

0:19:520:19:55

Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw...

0:19:550:20:01

-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

0:20:010:20:02

That new music show Barney's presenting is about to start.

0:20:020:20:07

-Let's watch it.

-Yeah, yeah. Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw...

0:20:070:20:11

And now, on the show, against all my good advice,

0:20:110:20:14

please welcome, minus two of their original band members,

0:20:140:20:19

the new line-up for Bear B Bad.

0:20:190:20:21

CHEERING

0:20:210:20:25

Ooh! Yeah! Oh oh-oh, yeah. Ah-ah ooo.

0:20:250:20:30

Ah-ah ooo.

0:20:300:20:31

Frock!

0:20:310:20:33

Oh, er...drop the beat.

0:20:330:20:35

Jibadeah! Woohoo!

0:20:370:20:40

# Er...day Goldilocks Came to my forest...wood!

0:20:400:20:44

# Snuck into my block of flats

0:20:440:20:46

# She was up to nothing right "Oh, it's a hard bed," she said... #

0:20:460:20:50

-Boo! Rubbish!

-All right!

0:20:500:20:52

Oh! Jibadeah!

0:20:520:20:55

-Shut up!

-Yes!

-It's not me, I'm brilliant -

0:20:550:20:58

it's this song that's rubbish. Get off! Get off!

0:20:580:21:02

Boo!

0:21:020:21:04

-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

0:21:040:21:07

Boo!

0:21:070:21:08

-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

0:21:080:21:11

So, did you enjoy being a pop star for the day?

0:21:120:21:15

-N-n-no!

-Told you being a fire engine was more fun.

-Too right, bro!

0:21:150:21:20

So, what's with the keyboard?

0:21:200:21:23

-New song.

-Really?! Let's hear it, then, go on.

0:21:230:21:26

Ahem.

0:21:260:21:28

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Socks, socks, socks!

0:21:280:21:31

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Jam, jam, jam!

0:21:310:21:33

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Ducky, ducky, ducky. #

0:21:330:21:37

Yeah, it's not great, Nev.

0:21:390:21:41

Yes, yes, Bear B Bad - the reunion!

0:21:420:21:46

PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

0:21:460:21:48

# Yeah, yeah, socks, socks, socks... #

0:21:480:21:51

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:510:21:54

When Nev and Crazy Keith compose the Jibadeah Rap, they become an instant internet hit, transformed into bear band megastars before lunchtime. Keith cannot believe his luck - this is everything he has ever wanted - fame, fortune and fans. But when Nev is more cautious, Barney warns that creative differences could result in Nev and Keith losing their friendship forever.

Meanwhile, Melanie is anxious to jump on the bandwagon of success and becomes Bear B Bad's self-appointed manager. When she recruits caretaker Prank as head of security, he gets the hump - he would much rather be a singer in the band. Little does Prank realise that he may eventually get his chance.