A Star Is Born Bear Behaving Badly


A Star Is Born

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-Ready, Barney.

-Oh, OK. Ahem!

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome,

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live from my living room with their debut track,

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it's Nev and Keith as Bear B Bad!

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DISCORDANT NOTES, FEEDBACK WHISTLES

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Bear B Bad coming at you, live and direct!

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-Too right, bro!

-This one goes out to the band!

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-Love you, Barney!

-Love you too.

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MUSIC STARTS

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# One day Goldilocks She came to my wood

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# Snuck into my house, was up to no good

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-# She said this bed's too...

-Hard!

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-# This bed's too...

-Soft!

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-# But even she say Bear Be Bad...

-Rocks! #

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Nice.

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# Hop to the left Hop to the right

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# And do the bootie shake with all of your might

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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# We got no worries We got no fear

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-# We got the magic word

-J-J-Jibadeah! #

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Oh, brilliant! That was awesome. Well done!

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-So you really liked it?

-For the 400th time, yes, I like it! It's good.

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I knew it. Jibadeah Rock is going to be a massive hit

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-and we are going to be pop stars!

-Being a pop star isn't that easy!

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Managers will exploit you, you'll have creative differences,

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you'll end up hating each other.

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-Ah, that'll never happen! Best buds forever!

-Love you, Crazy Keith!

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-It's always been Nev's dream to be a pop star.

-No, it hasn't.

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-Nev's biggest dream was to be a fire engine.

-Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw!

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-Oh, yeah.

-It's YOUR dream to be a pop star.

-I knew it was one of us!

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I just want to be massively famous and incredibly wealthy!

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-What's with the shades?

-It's me persona. I'm no longer Keith.

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I'm Bear X...of mystery.

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-Really.

-And I've got a massive spot I need to hide too.

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Don't be silly! It can't be that bad.

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KLAXON BLARES

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Why don't you put the shades back on there? Yeah, that's good.

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-We'll call you Bear X. It's a good idea.

-Told ya.

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Cheers, Nev. We've got a lot of spoons!

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-Here I am.

-Oh... Thanks for that... Well, I'm off to work.

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I'm presenting a new music show tonight, you've got to watch it.

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Watch it?! We'll probably be ON it!

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You are a couple of spoons short of a cutlery set.

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Cheers! Always dishing out the compliments!

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SHOUTING Hello, Mr Barney sir!

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Hi, Mr Prank. You not on caretaking duties?

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I've just come back from that music festival!

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-Was the music very loud, by any chance?

-What?! I can't hear you!

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I was stood next to the speaker for the whole thing! It was very loud!

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-Yeah, thought so.

-What? Yeah - a new hat! Part of my new image!

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Too cool for school!

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Goodbye, Mr Barney, sir!

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Ducky... Socks...

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Right, I've uploaded our song onto the Internet

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and I reckon we'll be international pop sensations by...lunchtime!

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-Yeah, yeah.

-We need to work on our look.

-Why?

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Being a pop star is as much about what you look like as the tunes!

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-Boring!

-Aw, come on, Nev! It'll be fun!

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-OK, Crazy Keith.

-Rock on! Now, let's find you a new look.

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You need a cool and funky, floppy new hat. And I know where to get one!

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Crazy!

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Stay here, I'll be right back.

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SNORING

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Bingo!

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What?!

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Who's there?!

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Why is it so quiet?!

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That is the bomb, Nev. You look well wicked, dude. You look bangin'!

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-Confused.

-Sorry, I was practising talking like a rapper!

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You look bonzer! Nothing'll stop us becoming pop stars now!

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-BEAR! >

-Agh! Angry Pants! I'm outta here!

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Right, Bear! Where's my...hat?!

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Uh-oh.

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Where'd he go?!

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-Hello, Mr Angry Pants!

-Ah-hah!

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Got ya! And now I'm gonna squash ya!

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-Prank!

-You'll be sorry you ever met me, Bear!

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-POP! PING!

-Oh, that's good! I can hear again!

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-What are you doing?

-I was just, er...

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You are playing with Nevvy when you should be caretaking!

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I've been looking everywhere for you!

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-Woof!

-I know he's a lovely little doggy, but you've got work to do!

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-Woof-woof!

-Oh, Nevvy! Doggy-choc?

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Wait for it. Wait for it! And go!

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-Good doggy!

-He's not a doggy and he stole my hat!

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Oh, don't be ridiculous! That's a doggy hat! Look how it suits Nev!

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You're not a dog, are you?!

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-Er, no!

-Exactly! Come on, we've got work to do! Heel!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Wackadoo! We've got the song, the look, the moves!

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All we've got to do is wait for pop stardom to come calling.

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PHONE RINGS

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Wow! That was quicker than I expected!

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-Here I am!

-Hi, Nev.

-Oh, Barney! Just you!

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It's a pleasure to hear your voice too, Keith(!) I've got good news.

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Bear B Bad's first track has gone massive. Everyone loves it.

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-I knew it! I knew it!

-Groovy!

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People really like it!

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Oh, wow! Barney is on the phone to Bear B Bad right now! >

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That was Fiona. She works in my office. She's a big fan.

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Oh, wow! We are going to be bigger than big! We are already huge!

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Don't judge anything by Fiona. She's the world's most excited person.

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Oh, wow! Look out the window - a tree! Agh! >

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-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

-The song's doing really well.

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But be careful - fame can bring its troubles. Remember what I said.

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-Yeah, yeah! Gotta go - deals to make, people to see!

-Hang on...

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-Love you, Barney.

-We are going to be mega stars, Nev!

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I'm gonna have a swimming pool in the shape of a guitar...

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Hmm. Confused.

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Any second now, fame and fortune is gonna come knocking at our door!

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Wackadoo! Things are happening fast!

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Guys, guys! I'm here now. Everything is under control.

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Right, I'll take the register. Nev?

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-Here I am.

-Present. Bear X?

-Yeah, here I am.

-Present!

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Lovely to meet you. I'm a massive fan of your work.

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And, finally, Melanie, manager of Bear B Bad... Present! OK.

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-When did you become our manager?!

-Straight to the point. I like that.

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As your manager, I must anticipate every one of your needs.

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I anticipated your need for a manager. So I hired myself.

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-OK...I guess that makes sense.

-Er, no, no, no.

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With my management skills, you two will become megastars.

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All I ask is 99.9% of your money in return.

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-How much did she say?

-All I need is your paw print on this contract.

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-Then I can make you fabulously famous!

-Ooh!

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-No way, Jose.

-But, Nev...

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It's OK. I anticipated this too. If you both sign up, you will get...

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an ice cream sundae each.

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First things first, let's sort the contract.

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Right, paw print here...

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and here.

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Head butt here.

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-Blow a raspberry here.

-PBBRRBBPPP!

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And we're done. Now, let's go meet your fans.

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-We have fans?!

-Jibadeah!

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, the band you've been waiting for.

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Go wild, go crazy, it's Bear B Bad!

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SHOUTING AND APPLAUSE

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They love us!

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Fame and fortune, here we come! Your fame, my fortune.

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I can finally buy myself that golden pony I've always wanted!

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-SILENCE

-Hm, that's weird.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Wait a sec...

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SILENCE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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SILENCE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

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-What are you doing?

-Just a little market research.

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What's going on?! Why are there people screaming outside the block?

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-Ah, Mr Prank.

-Hello, Miss Melanie. I didn't realise you was here.

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Yes, I'm here with my clients, the new musical sensation - Bear B Bad.

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I've heard of them on the radio! Who's in the band?

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-It's Nev...

-Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

-..and the mysterious Bear X.

-Yo.

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Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

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On the radio?

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You look familiar.

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Yeah, I get that a lot.

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I've just been hanging out at a big music festival myself.

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I'm hip to the groove with you crazy cats!

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Oh! You're not looking for any new band members, are you?

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I cut a mean rug and I can hold a tune! Ahem!

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HE SINGS OUT OF TUNE

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Yeah. I'm afraid the band's kind of full at the moment.

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But we do need a security guard, what with all the fans around now.

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-What does the job involve?

-Pushing people around, giving orders.

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Sounds perfect! I'll take it!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE FADES

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CHANTING: Who are ya?! Who are ya?!

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I'm the band's security guard and you lot can clear off!

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BOOING

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All right, stay for a little bit! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You can stay for as long as you like!

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Free ice cream for everyone! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh, what did I just say?!

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I was joking about the ice cream!

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BOOING

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Oh, they get ugly quickly round here, don't they?

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OK, Jibadeah Rock, the music video, take one! And action.

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Bear B Bad coming at ya, live and direct!

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-Too right, bro.

-With our new backing singers.

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Will this really help me meet Bill Oddie, Melanie dear?

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-Yes, Aunt.

-Are we in the band now, then?

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No, you're a security guard.

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-How is this security work?

-It just is!

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Bored now.

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-Nev, you're being a pop star, remember?

-Yeah, yeah!

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Kick it!

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Move over, Bear X, Nev is who the people want to see!

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Drop the beat!

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# One day Goldilocks came to my wood

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# Snuck into my house Was up to no good

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-# She said this bed's too...

-Hard!

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-# This bed's too...

-Soft!

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-# But even she said Bear B Bad...

-Rocks!

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# Hop to the left Hop to the right

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# Do the bootie shake with all of your might

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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-# Put your hands in the air

-Jibadeah!

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# We got no worries, we got no fear

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-# We got the magic word

-J-J-Jibadeah! #

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Ah! Look, Nev, Melanie said we had to write our follow-up single.

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Two hours we've been at it. We're getting nowhere!

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-I know, I know.

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

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# Socks, socks, socks! #

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Ah! Nev, for the last time, that's not a song!

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It's just banging the keyboard and shouting, "Socks, socks, socks!"

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Please do something else!

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No problemo!

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-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Jam, jam, jam! #

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Ah! I give up.

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How are my furry little hit-machines doing?

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Nev, play your best idea so far.

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Ahem!

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PLONK! PERRRRLONK! PERRRRLONK!

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-PERRRLONK! PERRLONK!

-# Ducky, ducky, ducky! #

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Hmmmm.

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OK.

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He has very similar songs about jam and socks.

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-Is that all?

-Mm-hmm.

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But I have a new idea for a song.

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Let's hear it.

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# Ch-doo, ch-doo Choo choo

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# I'm a crazy Koala in a crazy tree

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# Won't you come along and get crazy with me?

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# Wackadoo wackadoo Wack wackadoo

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# I can, you can, he can too

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# Wack wacka wacka wacka Wackadoo! #

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Ha ha ha!

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Let's hear that jam song.

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That's it! I've had enough of this!

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You're a rubbish manager and I'm leaving the band.

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Fine, we don't need you anyway.

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Mundo problemo! Crazy Keith!

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-Who?

-X Bear.

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We don't need him, as long as we've got you, Nev.

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No way, Jose.

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Look, we can always get someone else.

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N-n-n-no!

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You're just upset, I'll get you some ice-cream.

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Oh!

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Love you, Crazy Keith.

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CHEERING

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Fans of Bear B Bad, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

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I've decided to leave the band. GASP!

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But don't worry, I'll be releasing a solo single called Wackadoo!

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Oh... Boo!

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Oh! Ow!

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Ha! I told that Bear X he'd be nothing without me.

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He could always start his own fruit and veg business.

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All I have to do is convince Nev to stay in Bear B Bad

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and everything will be fine. How hard can that be?

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How hard can it be?

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-N-n-n-no!

-CRASH!

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-No way, Jose!

-CRASH! SQUELCH!

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Aaaaaaaaaah!

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RUMBLE! CRASH!

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CRASH! SPLAT!

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OK, as it turns out, pretty hard. Nev's quit the band.

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Oh no!

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No, it's fine. It's absolutely fine.

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Come on, we're not beaten yet.

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Am I still the security guard even though there's nobody to guard?

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Oh, no, it's much better than that.

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I'm gonna make you...star.

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O-ooh!

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-Bear B Bad doesn't need those two no-talent bears!

-Right, yeah.

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SNIFF! I miss you, Nev, buddy.

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Lonely. Miss you, Crazy Keith... um...X Bear.

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'Being pop stars isn't easy.

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'There are going to be managers who want to exploit you.

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'You'll have creative differences.

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'You'll end up being two best friends who hate each other.'

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Oh, Nev and me, best buds forever!

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Oh! I know, I know!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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SNIFF! SNIFF!

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Ooh! Oh!

0:18:510:18:52

Oh! Whoa!

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Ouch.

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Crazy Keith! Crazy Keith!

0:19:010:19:04

Crazy Keith!

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Hey, Nev, buddy!

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-Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

-CLONK!

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Oh, sorry, buddy.

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Oh, ah.

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-Aaaaaaaaaaah!

-CLONK!

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Oh, mate, I didn't mean to scare you.

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I got a load of fruit from...er...somewhere

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and I made a face mask to clear up my spots.

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Hmm. Groovy.

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Oh, listen, buddy, I'm really sorry about the band.

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All that fame went to my head. I went crazy.

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-And not in a good way.

-No problemo.

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-Cheers, mate. I've got a present to apologise.

-Ooooh!

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Surprise!

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Tip-top-aroo! Oh, love you, Crazy Keith.

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No worries, mate.

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Oh, look!

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-You're a fire engine!

-Ta-da!

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Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw...

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-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

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That new music show Barney's presenting is about to start.

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-Let's watch it.

-Yeah, yeah. Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw...

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And now, on the show, against all my good advice,

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please welcome, minus two of their original band members,

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the new line-up for Bear B Bad.

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CHEERING

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Ooh! Yeah! Oh oh-oh, yeah. Ah-ah ooo.

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Ah-ah ooo.

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Frock!

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Oh, er...drop the beat.

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Jibadeah! Woohoo!

0:20:370:20:40

# Er...day Goldilocks Came to my forest...wood!

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# Snuck into my block of flats

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# She was up to nothing right "Oh, it's a hard bed," she said... #

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-Boo! Rubbish!

-All right!

0:20:500:20:52

Oh! Jibadeah!

0:20:520:20:55

-Shut up!

-Yes!

-It's not me, I'm brilliant -

0:20:550:20:58

it's this song that's rubbish. Get off! Get off!

0:20:580:21:02

Boo!

0:21:020:21:04

-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

0:21:040:21:07

Boo!

0:21:070:21:08

-Ha ha ha!

-Ha ha ha!

0:21:080:21:11

So, did you enjoy being a pop star for the day?

0:21:120:21:15

-N-n-no!

-Told you being a fire engine was more fun.

-Too right, bro!

0:21:150:21:20

So, what's with the keyboard?

0:21:200:21:23

-New song.

-Really?! Let's hear it, then, go on.

0:21:230:21:26

Ahem.

0:21:260:21:28

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Socks, socks, socks!

0:21:280:21:31

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Jam, jam, jam!

0:21:310:21:33

-PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

-# Ducky, ducky, ducky. #

0:21:330:21:37

Yeah, it's not great, Nev.

0:21:390:21:41

Yes, yes, Bear B Bad - the reunion!

0:21:420:21:46

PLONK! PLONK! PLONK!

0:21:460:21:48

# Yeah, yeah, socks, socks, socks... #

0:21:480:21:51

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:510:21:54

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