Cavebear Bear Behaving Badly


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Cavebear

Comedy series. When Nev and Keith discover a 'prehysterical' blue bearasaurus frozen in time in an iceblock at Mr Prank's, they set about making him their friend.


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Transcript


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Yum-yum!

0:00:200:00:22

B-Barney, now, please!

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Mate, how many times? I'm not making pizza. I'm in a pizza advert.

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I've got my costume, props and my lines,

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"Bronto's Pizza - we love making dough"

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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So no pizza, but you'll find something in the fridge.

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Eat to keep warm cos the heating's broken.

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-HE CHATTERS

-Love you, B-B-Barney.

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Laters, mate.

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Congratulations, Barney.

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I see you've got a proper job at last instead of that TV rubbish.

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Pizza delivery is a growth industry.

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No, I'm not delivering.

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I'll take your dog for walkies later.

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He's not actually a dog.

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It's the least I can do.

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-Run along, we don't want the pizzas getting cold.

-They're not...

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Never mind. Bye, Aunt Barbara! See ya.

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# Doo-do-do doo-do-do. # Yum-yum.

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SCREAMING

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Yucky!

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Mmm...

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Ah!

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Nothing. Oh!

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Hungry.

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Yeah, yes!

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I know it's chilly, Doris, but you'll have to make do.

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Why don't you make yourself a nice hot bath?

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Get a few bubbles going,

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scented candles. Oh, nice and relaxing. Yeah!

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LOUD RUMBLING

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Crikey!

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That's either a busted boomerang or a didgeridoo.

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I'll check it out.

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Wait here, Doris.

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I won't be long.

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Don't you move a muscle. Wackadoo!

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Oh! Oh! Ooh!

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Keithy boy'd recognise that noise any place.

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Oh dear, oh dear.

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HE STRAINS

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-HIS BELLY RUMBLES

-Oh!

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Oh, hungry.

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I knew it!

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Strewth, Nevvy, that's what I call a tummy rumbler.

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Hello, Keith. I'm hungry.

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You know, my Doris suffers in the tummy department.

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She doesn't like to talk about it.

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-HE CHATTERS

-Feel icky. Oh...

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Sounds like you need some belt stretcher, Nevvy.

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I know just where to find some - Angry Pant's flat.

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-He's just had a fresh delivery of ice cream.

-Tip-top-aroo!

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That's it. That should stop my new delivery from melting.

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Useless thing.

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Oh! The sooner I get that thing fixed the better.

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS

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Hello? Who?

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'Plank! Plank! Plank, where are you?'

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It's Prank and I'm here...

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-at home.

-'Caretaker! Caretaker? Couldn't care less taker!

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-'I need you this instant.'

-I'm on my way up, Miss Barbara, sir, ma'am.

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Yes, OK, bye. The sooner I get that old thing fixed the better an' all.

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HE MUTTERS

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-Come on, buddy, follow Crazy Keith.

-Yeah-yeah!

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-OK, Nevvy, courtesy of Mr Prank...

-Angry Pants!

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..it's tucker time!

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Zippy-dea!

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THEY LAUGH

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Pass me that one, Nevvy.

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Me favourite flavour. THEY CHOMP

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Gonna need some raspberry sauce.

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Yum-yum!

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LOUD BURPING

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-SCREAMING

-Run!

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Wah! Don't worry, Nevvy.

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-It won't hurt you.

-It's me.

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Yeah, if I'm not mistaken, it's a pre-hysterical blue bear-asaurus.

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-Smile, please.

-That might be tricky.

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He's been frozen for thousands of years.

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HE BURPS Excuse me.

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We'd better skedaddle before old Angry Pants gets back.

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Lonely beary-saurus.

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Oh...

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You wanna take him with us, don't you?

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Groovy.

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Well, we'd better get him somewhere chilly fast.

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Even with the heating skewwiffy,

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he'll defrost quicker than a sauna full of arctic pants.

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-Heave!

-Heave!

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At last, Plank!

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What's the problem, Miss Barbara, sir? Er, Ma'am?

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It's my heating. It's on the blink!

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-That's why I'm wearing this.

-Well, it's very...

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nice. Let's have a look at your pipes, shall we?

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Oh, no, you can't come in, you'll have to book an appointment.

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Yeah...oh!

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Batty old...

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Ah-choo!

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Ah-choo!

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-Ah-choo!

-Miaow!

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THUMP!

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This isn't just a blue bear allergy.

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This is a Neville blue bear allergy that's much worse than usual.

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Something's going on in that flat below and it smells of bear trouble.

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If I don't get rid of Neville soon,

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I'm gonna sneeze myself into oblivion

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or...or...worse.

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Ah-choo!

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-Hurry, Nev, the bear-asaurus is melting fast.

-Quick! Push!

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I am!

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Phew-ee!

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Ah-choo!

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I know you're in there, bear.

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And I want you out of here. Now.

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-Angry Pants!

-Can't catch me!

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Whoa! Hide!

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Come to Uncle Andy...

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Whoa! Ah!

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THUMP!

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I'm all right. I'm fine, I'm fine.

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Ah-choo!

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I'll get you, bear!

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Can't catch me!

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Nev, we've got a problem.

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The cavebear's gone!

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Oh! Mundo problemo!

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CREAK!

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Uh-oh!

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MUNCH Pleurgh!

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Aaaaaaaah!

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Aaaaaaaaaaah!

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Aaaaaaaaah! It lives!

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Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock! Rock!

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-I think he's more scared of us than we are of him.

-Frightened!

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Nah! All the same, you go first, Nevvy.

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Ah! Don't leave me!

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It must be behind the shower curtain, Nevvy.

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I know, I know.

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Oh! Easy boy, easy.

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-Aaah!

-Here I am.

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Rock?

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I'll handle things from here now, Nevvy.

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Rock, rock, rock, rock. Rock-rock, rock, rock.

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Rock.

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Oh! Rock, rock, rock. Rockedy rockle rocka.

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Rocky rock, Doris, rockedy, rock-rock.

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Rock!

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Yeah, just as I thought.

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Rocky here is homesick and starving hungry.

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Like poor Doris before we hooked up together,

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though she doesn't like to talk about that.

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-Hmmm. Poor Rockety.

-Yeah.

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Ice cream!

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What?

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Nev!

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Rockety, ice cream.

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Nah, I don't think he'll like it, Nevvy.

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He's a wild cave bear, thousands of years old.

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SCOFF! SCOFF!

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SLURP! MUNCH!

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BU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-RP!

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Wow! Now that's what I call evolution!

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Rock! Rock! Rock!

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Mundo ice cream!

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Ah, you'd better keep it coming, Nev,

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he loves ice cream. Ha ha!

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Ro-o-o-ock! Rock!

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OK, Bandit, take a big sniff of his scent.

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Now then, you get rid of that blue bear,

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and you'll get this.

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-Cash on delivery!

-Miaow.

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Now, you sort my Neville problem,

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and I'll fix the boiler in the cellar.

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-Miaow!

-Ah-choo!

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That bear!

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-Well, go on! Get him!

-Miaow.

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Miaow.

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Miaow.

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Walkies! Neville, doggy! Walkies.

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Huh!

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THUMP! Oh!

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Plank! What are you doing, man?

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Shouldn't you be fixing the heating? Run along!

0:10:240:10:29

Run along? I just...! Yes, of course, run along.

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I was just doing it, Miss Barbara, sir...er...ma'am.

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I was just doing it.

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Just doing it, yeah.

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Oh! Whoa!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock.

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Rock-rock, rocko. Keep your loincloth on, Rocky.

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Nev, rock, rockedy ice cream, rock.

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Oh, Nev, at last.

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Walkies!

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Digi-me-doodah! Hide!

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Oh, this doggy needs a new collar.

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Rock!

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-When did you last brush your teeth?

-About 30,000 years ago!

0:11:170:11:22

Who said that?

0:11:220:11:23

Rock!

0:11:230:11:24

Rocky, no!

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-Rock!

-Aaaah!

0:11:260:11:27

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:11:270:11:30

Oh, Rocky! I think Rocky thinks Aunt Barbara's a woolly mammoth!

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Neville! Neville, stop it. What do you think you're doing?

0:11:340:11:38

And she thinks Rocky is Nev!

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I'm outta here!

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Nev! Nev! NE-E-E-EV!

0:11:450:11:47

Neville, stop it! What do you think you're doing? Stop it!

0:11:470:11:52

-It's Rocky. He's gone and...

-Miaow!

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Aaaaaaaah!

0:11:550:11:56

See ya! Aaaah!

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Miaow!

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Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock.

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-Rock, rock, rock.

-Ha-ha-ha!

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Rock?

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Miaow!

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RO-O-OCK!

0:12:150:12:17

-Miaow!

-THUMP!

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RUMBLE! SMASH!

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-Rock!

-Miaow!

0:12:220:12:25

Oh! Digi-me-doodah!

0:12:250:12:27

Now Rocky thinks Bandit's a sabre-toothed tiger!

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LOO FLUSHES

0:12:300:12:32

Rock!

0:12:320:12:34

-Miaow.

-SNIFF! SNIFF!

0:12:370:12:43

Rock!

0:12:450:12:47

Hello, Rockety!

0:12:470:12:49

Rock.

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Rock, rock, rock.

0:12:510:12:53

Rock, rock, rock, rock!

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Hey, I thought you were getting him some ice cream.

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-BURP!

-Ooops. Yum-yum.

0:12:580:13:02

-You ate it yourself?

-Mmm.

0:13:020:13:04

-Rock!

-Oh, never mind. Just come on, Nev!

0:13:040:13:08

Rocky's off his rocker!

0:13:080:13:09

Rockadoo!

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Oh!

0:13:130:13:15

Must stop...mad dog.

0:13:150:13:18

Neville! Oh!

0:13:180:13:20

Oh! Call! Plank!

0:13:220:13:25

Oh! Uh! Ah!

0:13:270:13:29

CLONK! Oh!

0:13:320:13:33

PHONE RINGS

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Hello! Oh!

0:13:460:13:47

Ow! Ah!

0:13:470:13:48

Who is it?

0:13:510:13:52

Oh, Plank, I've just been attacked by that hairy hound, Neville.

0:13:520:13:57

He's gone doggone crazy!

0:13:570:13:59

First of all, he's not a dog... Anyway, he's gone what?

0:13:590:14:03

Just get rid of that savage blue dog!

0:14:030:14:07

Could you please follow my instructions, just this once?

0:14:070:14:12

Oh, yes, Miss Barbara, sir...er...ma'am.

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Yes. Ha-ha-ha!

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Ha-ha-ha! Ow!

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Hee-hee-hee! Ow! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

0:14:180:14:23

Rockety!

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Rocky, rock-rock, rocker! Don't know where he's gone,

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but we need to find Rocky before he destroys everything.

0:14:300:14:34

I'll check out Angry Pants' pad,

0:14:340:14:36

you check Barney's, in case he's doubled back.

0:14:360:14:39

Rock!

0:14:450:14:47

Rock! Rock, rock.

0:14:510:14:54

# Doo dee-do Doo dee-do do-do... #

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Aaaaah!

0:14:570:14:58

-Aaaaaaah!

-Plank!

0:14:580:15:00

Woof-woof!

0:15:000:15:02

Ah-choo!

0:15:040:15:06

There you are, bear!

0:15:060:15:07

Can't catch me!

0:15:070:15:09

Come here, bear.

0:15:090:15:12

Rock! Rock!

0:15:120:15:15

-Aaaaah!

-THUMP!

0:15:150:15:16

Aaah! Whoa!

0:15:160:15:19

-Aaaaah!

-Aaaaah!

0:15:190:15:21

Rock, rock, rock.

0:15:210:15:23

Oh, strewth! Rocky thinks he's bagged a T-rex!

0:15:230:15:27

Scaredy pants! Ha-ha-ha!

0:15:270:15:29

-Rock!

-Oh!

-Rock!

-Ah!

0:15:290:15:33

Rock, rock, rock!

0:15:330:15:36

-Ah...ah...ah...

-Plank! Plank, don't you dare!

0:15:380:15:42

Nevvy, let's take cover under the floorboards in my lair.

0:15:420:15:46

He's gonna blow big time!

0:15:460:15:47

-Rock!

-Ah...

-Rock!

-Ah...

-Rock!

-Ah...

0:15:470:15:51

Aaaah...

0:15:510:15:53

-No, no, no!

-Ah-choo!

0:15:530:15:55

RUMBLE! SHATTER! CRASH!

0:15:550:15:57

CRASH!

0:16:050:16:06

Plank! Hanky, and untie me! SHE SOBS

0:16:060:16:13

-Oh, excuse me!

-Just act like we're not here, Doris.

0:16:160:16:20

Come on, Nev, we've got to get Rocky back where he belongs

0:16:200:16:24

-before he wrecks the whole block.

-Rockety!

0:16:240:16:27

I've got something that might just work. Behold!

0:16:270:16:31

A gift from Dodgy Dave down the market.

0:16:310:16:34

It's a time machine. I hoped it would come in handy one day.

0:16:340:16:38

Zoom!

0:16:380:16:39

-GROWL!

-Rockety!

0:16:400:16:42

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

0:16:440:16:46

Rock.

0:16:500:16:52

Rockety.

0:16:520:16:53

Oh, poor little fella. He looks so sad and homesick, Nev.

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Nev? Nev!

0:17:000:17:03

Oh, wackadoo!

0:17:030:17:06

-Oh, hurry up, Plank!

-All right, hold tight.

0:17:060:17:09

GROWL

0:17:090:17:13

He's hungry.

0:17:130:17:15

What is that mad dog doing?

0:17:150:17:18

Apart from getting up my nose, just standing there.

0:17:180:17:23

Rock, rock.

0:17:230:17:26

Rockety!

0:17:260:17:27

Ice cream.

0:17:270:17:29

Nev, it's you!

0:17:310:17:33

You and not...him!

0:17:330:17:37

I always knew that beast could not be my Nevvy.

0:17:370:17:42

Do something, Plank. Don't let that messy monster get him!

0:17:420:17:46

Right, OK then...

0:17:460:17:49

Hang on!

0:17:490:17:50

Is that ice cream, bear?

0:17:500:17:53

Is that my Prank's ice cream?

0:17:530:17:57

Your what, Plank?

0:17:570:17:58

Oh, er... Oh!

0:17:580:18:00

Oh, do shut up, Plank!

0:18:000:18:02

-What's the ice cream got to do with you?

-Nothing.

0:18:020:18:05

Nevvy's using it to save the day.

0:18:050:18:08

Ice cream. Yum-yum.

0:18:080:18:11

Rock, rock.

0:18:110:18:14

Oh, Nevvy-doggy is such a hero!

0:18:140:18:18

Oh.

0:18:180:18:20

Here, Rockety. Ice cream.

0:18:200:18:23

Love you, Rockety!

0:18:250:18:27

Ha-ha. Ah.

0:18:270:18:29

Rock, rock.

0:18:290:18:32

And there we go.

0:18:400:18:43

Ahem! Rock, rock, rock, rockedy ice cream.

0:18:430:18:48

Rock-rock, home rock-rock.

0:18:480:18:50

Rock! Rock!

0:18:500:18:52

OK, Nevvy, it's time to say goodbye.

0:18:560:18:59

Miss you, Rockety. Love you, Rockety.

0:18:590:19:02

That's touching, buddy. Any last words before you go?

0:19:020:19:05

Er...rock-rock, rock rock-rock.

0:19:050:19:09

Rock, rock. Ha-ha-ha! Rock, rock rockedy rock-rock.

0:19:090:19:13

Yeah, he says, "Bye."

0:19:130:19:16

Jimminy-ah! Aaaah! Aaaah!

0:19:160:19:19

Rock!

0:19:200:19:22

Aaaaaah!

0:19:240:19:25

Oh, er...that'll be the boiler.

0:19:270:19:30

BOOM!

0:19:300:19:32

See what you and your boiler have done, Plank?

0:19:330:19:37

Poor Neville, the doggy. It's all over for him.

0:19:370:19:41

-It should have been you.

-Yeah, I know.

0:19:410:19:44

What?

0:19:440:19:46

-Yeah, well...

-SNIFF!

0:19:460:19:47

Well, the good news is my allergy's fine.

0:19:470:19:51

CREAK!

0:19:510:19:52

Wait!

0:19:520:19:54

Oh! Ooooh!

0:19:540:19:56

COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!

0:19:560:19:58

It's me!

0:19:580:20:01

It's Neville, the doggy!

0:20:010:20:03

COUGH! COUGH!

0:20:030:20:05

Walkies!

0:20:070:20:10

Ah-choo!

0:20:120:20:14

Who's a brave doggy then?

0:20:140:20:17

I take it that's it for the monster then, young Neville?

0:20:170:20:21

-You've seen him off?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:20:210:20:23

Very good, but in future, if there's any unwanted guests in this block,

0:20:230:20:29

I will deal with them.

0:20:290:20:31

BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:20:310:20:32

-Doggy needs a treat.

-Woof-woof!

0:20:320:20:36

Good doggy!

0:20:390:20:41

Rargh!

0:20:410:20:43

-Aaaah!

-Aaaah!

-Aaaah!

0:20:430:20:45

Hey, guys, where are you going? It's me! It's Barney!

0:20:450:20:49

It's my Bronto's Pizza costume. I've got pizza!

0:20:490:20:52

Guys?

0:20:520:20:54

Were they expecting someone else?

0:20:540:20:58

I can't believe everyone thought I was a real caveman!

0:20:580:21:02

What gave you such a silly idea?

0:21:020:21:04

-Everyone knows there's no such thing.

-Rock!

0:21:040:21:07

Rockety!

0:21:070:21:09

Rock, rock, rock, rock! Rock rock-rock rock!

0:21:090:21:15

Rock!

0:21:160:21:19

Oh, I take it back(!) Look, Nev, a real caveman.

0:21:190:21:23

-Ha-ha-ha!

-Pizza! Rock!

0:21:230:21:27

-Here you go.

-Cheers, Barney. Don't mind if I do!

0:21:270:21:31

-Crazy Keith!

-Crazy Rockety Keith!

0:21:310:21:36

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:360:21:39

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:390:21:42

When Nev and Keith discover a 'prehysterical' blue bearasaurus frozen in time in an iceblock at Mr Prank's, they set about making him their friend. But when the cave bear goes on the rampage, confusing Aunt Barbara for a woolly mammoth and making Prank's bear allergy twice as bad as usual, the pair hatch a plan to send him back in time.