Hypnotwits Bear Behaving Badly


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Hypnotwits

Comedy series starring Barney Harwood and Nev the bear. Mr Prank's new mobile phone goes missing. Nev decides to use his new hypnotic skills to avoid a tricky situation.


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Transcript


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BEAR HUMS TO HIMSELF

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Oh, shut it, Bear! You won't wind me up with that racket!

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Hey, Nev. You actually washed yourself?

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No, no, no! Come bath me! And duckie, please.

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-OK, which one? This one?

-Yeah!

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There you go. Ooh, it sunk.

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-How's the shelves getting on?

-Spot on, Mr Barney, sir!

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Spot on! Yeah!

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS Oh, excuse me. A call.

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Hello? Yes? Mr Prank!

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Maintenance executive extraordinaire.

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Flat 6. Your central heating's broken? Oh, dear.

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Tell you what, try wearing a jumper. Goodbye.

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Did I tell you I bought a new phone?

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-No.

-Oh! I bought a new phone.

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It's got video, text, camera... the inter-web.

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-Can you put shelves up with it?

-Eh? no, no.

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-Oh, I see! Yes, I'm right on it, Mr Barney, sir!

-Great. Right, then...

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I'm going to get breakfast.

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There. You see that, Bear, it's...

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HE MURMURS

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-Boo!

-Atchoo!

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See that? You always set off my allergies.

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Argh! Swim!

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ATCHOO!

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-Hello, Mr Angry Pants!

-Bear... Grrr!

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Um... Cup of tea, Mr Prank?

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Ooooh, yes, please.

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Right, well, I've given Mr Prank my dressing gown.

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He's had about three cups of tea. I think he's calming down.

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Grrr! I'll marmalise that bear!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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TV: 'Welcome to the Boffin Channel.

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'Our programmes today include how to recognise dust,

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-'types of wood...'

-Boring!

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'..and staring at walls - a beginner's guide.'

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-Boring, boring!

-What's the matter, mate? Nothing on telly?

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Let me have a look.

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'You're watching the Boffin Channel. Our programmes will resume shortly.' BUZZING

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I think it's broken. You're stuck with the Boffin Channel, I'm afraid.

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-I'll get Mr Prank to have a look.

-HAMMERING

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Ow, my finger! HAMMERING

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Ow, my foot!

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Er, maybe a bit later.

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-Too right, bro.

-I'd better get to work.

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Now, Nev, be nice to Mr Prank. Go easy on him.

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-Love you, Barney.

-I love you too. See you later.

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BUZZING

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Oh...

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HE SIGHS

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I said I'd come and fix your central heating later.

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Now, stop calling me.

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Ah! Now, THAT is a job well done.

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Right...

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Oh, that'll do.

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Oh, bonzer! Old Angry Pants is gone, Doris!

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And would you believe it?! He's left us his phone!

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I could call my rellies in Australia and tell them all about you!

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Can't cost THAT much to call Oz, can it? You stay here.

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HE GASPS

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TV: 'We hope you enjoyed the last programme -

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-'Soup Through The Ages.'

-No, no, no, no. Yucky. Boring.

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'Next on the Boffin Channel,

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'it's Teach Yourself Hypnotism.'

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Groovy!

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'Hello! Want to learn how to hypnotise someone?

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'Make them do anything you want? Here's how...'

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TICKING

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'That was Teach Yourself Hypnotism.'

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-Yeah!

-'And now, some music to listen to while you cut your toenails.'

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No way, Jose!

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SWITCHES TV OFF

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Snuggly duckie duck duck.

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-Quack!

-Looky my eyes...

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Looky my eyes...

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Hmm. Tut!

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What's up? It's Keith! I'm calling from the other side of the world!

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-Crazy Keith!

-What?! Your boomerang didn't come back?!

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-No! Tell me about it!

-I know, I know!

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Yeah, that's right, Auntie Madge!

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I've met this bonzer sheila! Her name's Doris.

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Keith!

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Aaaaargh!

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SPLASH!

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-Oh, crikey!

-Yucky!

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-Angry Pants?

-Yeah, it's Angry Pants's phone!

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-Uh-oh!

-He might have a big bill coming his way,

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so maybe it's lucky the evidence is down the dunny!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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MR PRANK: Bear?! Have you seen my new phone?!

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-You'd better not be messing with it.

-Angry Pants!

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Where's my phone, Bear?

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Come on, open up! I want my phone.

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-What now?!

-Hmm...

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-I know, I know!

-What? You've had an idea, haven't you?

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Open this door, or I'll bash it down and use you as a draught excluder!

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Crazy Keith, looky my eyes! Looky my eyes!

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What are you up to?! No, you don't!

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You can't hypnotise me, mate! My mind is like a...

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What would you have me do, O master Nev?

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Keith...phone.

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Huh? Hmm...

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Confused.

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Groovy!

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BEAR?! This is your last chance.

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Keith...phone!

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SPLASH!

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Right, you little, blue BEAR-barian! Where's my phone?!

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-NEV SCREAMS Where's my phone, Bear?!

-Not me! Not me!

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Aaaargh!

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# Na-na-na-na-nah! #

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Bear!

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Come 'ere, Bear!

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Right, Bear, this is your last chance!

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Where's...my...phone?

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Um, Angry Pants, looky my eyes!

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Looky my eyes...

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What will you have me do, O master Nev?

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Jam.

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Jam. Must make Bear jam sandwich.

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-Must make Bear jam sandwich. NEV LAUGHS

-Jam, please!

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-Find phone...

-FLUSHING

-Must find phone! Whoa!

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# Doop-do-do! #

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Jam, please!

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NEV GASPS Made Bear jam sandwich.

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-Jam! Yum-yum!

-DOOR CLOSES

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Good morning, Plank. Good morning, Nevy-wevy!

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-Woof-woof!

-I'm on my way to the charity sale

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in aid of the Society Of Glum Kittens. As you're my favourite dog,

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-I thought you should try one of my cakes.

-Yum-yum!

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Treat time! Much better than a jam sandwich!

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What do you think? Do you like the cake? Be honest.

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Grr-rrr-rrr-grrroovy! Woof-woof!

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I'd better offer you one too, Plank.

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Tell me what you think. Be honest.

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Hmm...

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Hmm...

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Looky my eyes.

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Looky my eyes.

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What will you have me do, O master Nev?

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Be...honest.

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Be...honest. Must be honest.

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Bleurgh! That's horrible!

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What have you put in that, Miss Barbara?!

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The only thing more disgusting than that is your dress!

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You look like a trifle that's learnt to walk with a colander on your head!

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Good gravy! I give you a cake, and all you can do

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is come out with insults?! You're not just a terrible caretaker,

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you're also very rude! Uncle Rupert's going to hear about this!

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HE LAUGHS

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Funny!

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Have another one of my lovely cakes. Don't worry -

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I've plenty more of them.

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There you go. Good doggy.

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-MUFFLED:

-Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Mmm! Mmm!

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Delicious!

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Actually, they do taste a bit odd.

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Maybe I added salt instead of sugar.

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Or maybe my inspired use of prunes wasn't such a good idea.

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-TUMMY RUMBLES

-Oh dear... Oh...

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GURGLING

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P-FFF-RRRT!

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Don't panic, Neville, but I think I may have to use your loo!

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SCREAMING

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I WILL have to use your loo!

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-No, no, no, no!

-Might be a little while!

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PFFRT! PFFFR-RRT!

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-Woof-woof-woof!

-I'd love to play with you,

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but I've got to go to he loo. You see, these prunes upset my tummy.

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-Eurgh!

-PFFRT!

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Oh... I know, I know!

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Looky my eyes.

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Looky my eyes.

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What would you have me do, O master Neville.

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Cooker...on.

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Quick!

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What? I've left the cooker on in my flat?

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Oh, no. Must turn cooker off.

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Turn cooker off.

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Turn cooker off.

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Oooh, phew!

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Find phone. Must find phone.

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We're fish!

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-Must find phone.

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Phwoar, ha ha ha ha!

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Now, where are we?

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HE GASPS

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Strewth!

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Must be honest. Must be honest. Must be honest.

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Hello, Mr Prank. How are you this lovely day?

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Must be honest. Hello, Postie. I dreamt about you last night.

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Did you really, Mr Prank?

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I dreamt that we had a kiss.

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Oooh, really?

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When I say dream, more of a nightmare. I woke up screaming.

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Oh, what a horrible thing to say!

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Ooh, I'm gonna flatten you!

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Uuurggh!

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Oh, Mr Prank!

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Ooh, I'm ever so sorry!

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Are you all right?

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HE GROANS

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Oooh!

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Wha-wha-wha-what's going on?

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My phone.

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Wait a minute. I bet this has got something to do with that bear.

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I'll marmalise him when I get hold of him.

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Ooooh!

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Awww!

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Hello, Keith.

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Crazy Keith.

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Keith.

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Doris say, love you, Keith.

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Oh!

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Find phone. Must find phone.

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Strewth!

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I need that phone. Open up, mate.

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Hee-hee-hee-hee!

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Ah, so you want to play it like that, do you?

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OK, and tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.

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Ha ha ha ha.

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Found phone! Keithy boy found phone! Bonzer!

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Turn cooker off. Turn cooker off.

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Oooh!

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Oooh, oh dear.

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I do feel strange. What am I doing here?

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Oh, dear me. I must have had one of my funny turns.

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My tummy's quite unsettled.

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TUMMY RUMBLES

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PFF-RRRT!

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Oooh! Toilet now!

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Oh, I need the loo NOW! I need the loo!

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Crazy Keith gone.

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DOOR SLAMS

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Bear! I don't know going on but I've got a few bones to pick with you.

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Oh!

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-Waaah!

-Come here, bear! Come here, bear!

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CRASH

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Looky my eyes! Looky my eyes!

0:15:110:15:18

Oh no! I know what you're up to, bear.

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You're not playing any of your weird hypnotising tricks on me.

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See, all I have to do is not look at you.

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

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Huh?

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Looky my eyes! Looky my eyes!

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What will you have me do, O' Master Nev?

0:15:440:15:47

Angry Pants Dinosaur.

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Me, angrysaurus dinosaur.

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AARRGGGGHH

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Groovy!

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Oh, Nevy-wevy!

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Auntie Baba desperately needs to use your loo right now.

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What do you think you're doing, you useless man?

0:16:180:16:21

Me dinosaur! GRRRRR!

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These are my cakes for my charity cake sale!

0:16:280:16:31

Oh!

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Ooh!

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HER TUMMY RUMBLES

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Oh no!

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PFF-RR-RT!

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Oh, Neville! I need to use your loo!

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PFF-RR-RT!

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Uh-oh!

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PFF-RR-RT!

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Looky my eyes. Looky my eyes.

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What would you have me do, Oh Master Nev?

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Loo, no, no, no, no, no.

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Don't use loo. Don't use loo.

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PFF-RR-RT!

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Ooh, dinosaur need loo!

0:17:050:17:08

Dinosaur need loo!

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PFF-RR-RT!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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< He found phone. He found phone.

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Crazy Keith!

0:17:170:17:18

Phewee!

0:17:180:17:20

Crazy Keith. Crazy Keith.

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Found phone. Found phone.

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Oh, yucky.

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Find phones. Must find more phones.

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Uh-oh! Three, two, one... BOO!

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Strewth! I feel a bit weird, Nevy?!

0:17:410:17:44

Hang on, why am I all wet?

0:17:440:17:48

Oh! Ah!

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Please tell me I haven't been diving down the dunny!

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Me dinosaur! Dinosaur need toilet NOW! >

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Quick, Keith, run!

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Come on, Doris, we're out of here.

0:18:010:18:07

GRRRRRAAAGGGGHH!

0:18:070:18:10

Uh oh!

0:18:140:18:16

HE SNORES

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Phone.

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Nev, I'm home. >

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Phewee!

0:18:270:18:28

What's going on?

0:18:350:18:37

Nev? Aunt Bea?

0:18:370:18:39

Nothing.

0:18:390:18:41

Don't need loo. Don't need loo.

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Three, two, one, BOO!

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Oooh!

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Oh, I feel quite out of sorts and I really must use your loo.

0:18:480:18:52

Will you excuse me, Barney and Nev?

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PFF-RR-RT!

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-Excuse me, this is an emergency!

-Yes.

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And it's all your fault, Bear!

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Oh, hello Mr Barney, sir. Let me explain, you see.

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It's all coming back to me now.

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Your bear's been up to no good. He stole my phone.

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-No.

-Hang on a second, Mr Prank.

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I'm sure Nev didn't steal it. You've left it somewhere. I'll call it.

0:19:200:19:25

No, no, no, no. Your bear's got it. You're in trouble now.

0:19:250:19:28

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:19:280:19:30

Excuse me.

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Hello.

0:19:330:19:35

-Nev stole your phone, did he?

-Excuse me, I'm on the phone.

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-Cos I'm on the phone as well. It's me. I'm on the phone.

-Oh yeah!

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-It was in your pocket.

-Yeah.

0:19:440:19:45

Mr Prank, if you've finished doing the shelves,

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Can you help me set this TV up? It's for the bedroom.

0:19:490:19:52

I'll finish the shelves off tomorrow, Mr Barney, sir, OK?

0:19:520:19:57

Won't I, Bear?

0:19:570:19:59

Can't scare me!

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Do you know what I'm gonna do when I get my hands on you, Bear?

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PFF-RR-RT!

0:20:050:20:06

Oooh no! That ain't right! Ooooh!

0:20:060:20:08

PFF-RR-RT!

0:20:080:20:09

Oooh, no! I need the toilet! Oooh!

0:20:090:20:12

Oh, no no! I need it now!

0:20:150:20:20

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:20:200:20:22

Hello?

0:20:220:20:23

Yes, Mr Prank speaking.

0:20:230:20:25

Hello, Flat Six, I will fix the central heating but not yet.

0:20:250:20:30

Oh!

0:20:300:20:32

Ha ha ha!

0:20:320:20:36

Stinky Prank!

0:20:360:20:38

-So what do you think of the new telly, Nev?

-Groovy!

0:20:410:20:45

I'll get the other one fixed soon.

0:20:450:20:47

-Did you learn anything on TV today?

-Nothing.

0:20:470:20:51

Oh well, never mind.

0:20:510:20:52

Oh, it's nearly time for the movie.

0:20:520:20:55

More crispies!

0:20:550:20:57

I don't think so. Not after last time.

0:20:570:21:00

It took months to get the crumbs out of the bed from your crisps.

0:21:000:21:04

NEV SIGHS

0:21:040:21:07

Looky my eyes!

0:21:110:21:15

What would you have me do, O' Master Nev?

0:21:170:21:20

More please!

0:21:200:21:22

More crisps. Must get more crisps.

0:21:220:21:27

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:21:370:21:41

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:410:21:45

Yum Yum! Tip-top-a-roo!

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When Mr Prank's brand new mobile phone goes missing and Nev gets the blame, the blue bear decides to use his newly found skills of hypnotism to get himself out of a tricky situation.

Unluckily for Nev, Prank's mobile falls into the paws of Crazy Keith the koala, who uses it to phone his relatives in Australia. After running up a huge phone bill, Keith accidentally drops the mobile down the loo.

When Mr Prank is hypnotised into making Nev unlimited jam sandwiches, Keith embarks on a mission down the U-bend in the hopes of finding the phone.