Operation Nev Bear Behaving Badly


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Operation Nev

Comedy series. Nev accidentally hurts Prank and faces paying the medical bill. Keith and Nev decide to operate on the caretaker themselves.


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Nev? Just nipping out, mate.

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-Here I am.

-Oh, hello, I wondered where you were.

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You have to stay out of Mr Prank's way today.

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Aunt Barbara's got him decorating.

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-Aye-aye, Captain.

-That's cool. I'm gonna fix the trike.

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OK, love you, Barney.

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Love you too. See you later.

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Oh, boring caretaker duties!

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Uh-oh! Mr Angry-Pants. Hide!

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At least that bear isn't around. Mess he made the last time I was painting.

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If I catch him anywhere near here,

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Bandit will have blue-bear chunks for tea!

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Uh-oh! Hmm!

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Oh, stuck! Can't see.

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Oh, Bear, what are you doing under there?

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No... NO!

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Oh-h!

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CRASH!

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Bear! POUNDING ON DOOR

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BEAR WAILS

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Come here, Bear!

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There's nowhere to run, Bear!

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And no-one to hear your scream!

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Aggh!

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CRASH!

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It's no good, Aunt Barbara. His ears are in the way.

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If he was a bit smaller...

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Right, I'll remember that next time I'm down the ear shop(!)

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-Aggh!

-Sorry.

-Stuck!

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Stop making a fuss. Anybody would think

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you'd never had your head stuck forcibly down a toilet before.

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CRUNCH! Aggh! ..Oh! Oh!

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Oh, thank goodness for that. Now I can... Ow!

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-Call the hospital!

-You mean 999?

-No, no, no, my private hospital.

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St Michael's Of The Proper Posh. Number's on the card! Ow!

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Sorry, Mr Angry-Pants.

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Bear... HE GROANS

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-Ha-ha-ha!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-Totally bonzer!

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-Fire!

-Fire!

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THEY LAUGH

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Can't believe you didn't flush the loo on Angry-Pants.

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-Too right, bro!

-Fire!

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Ouch!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Strewth, Nevvy, I think all this laughing

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has put me off me game of boomerang pizza darts.

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Your turn.

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MIAOW!

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THEY GASP

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Run!

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MIAOW! MIAOW!

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CONTINUES TO MIAOW

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Oh, looks like old Angry-Pant's cat

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wants to play a match against you, Nevvy. Oh!

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MIAOW! MIAOW!

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-No, no, no, no! Can't make me!

-Rrr-rr-rr-rrggh!

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MIAOW!

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Rrr-rr-rr-rrggh!

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Ha-ha-ha! Bonzer, eh, Nevvy!

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I learnt my Rottweiler bark when MI5 sent me undercover at Crufts.

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THUD!

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NEV'S TEETH CHATTER Oh, relax, Nevvy.

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It's over. You isn't playing with that loser moggy ever again.

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-Not after last time.

-Too right, bro.

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Hey, Doris, did I tell you how Nev and Bandit first met?

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Ah, didn't think I did. Well, it all began long, long ago.

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Bandit - they called him the keepy-uppy cat -

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undefeated in the entire block.

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No-one could keep a ball in the air like Bandit.

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One day, there came a new bear in town.

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There started a contest us animal folks still talk about till this day.

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Whoever kept his ball going longest would be the winner.

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It began at dawn.

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No-one knows exactly how long it went on.

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Some say till high noon,

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others till just before the Simpsons came on.

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But in the end,

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there would be only one winner.

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And when the keepy-up cat could keepy-up no more,

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now that's when it all turned bad.

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Grrr! Hiss!

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Yowl! Yowl!

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Agghhh!

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Easy, Nevvy! I think we've frightened him, Doris.

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Nev may have most a chunk of ear, but he was the keepy-up winner,

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and Bandit knew it, so, ever since, the moggy has been after revenge.

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-Too right, bro.

-Yeah. Mostly he just torments our Nevvy.

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Now and then, Bandit will challenge Nev to something, anything,

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in the hope of regaining his honour, but Nev will never take it up.

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-N-N-No!

-And Nev's learnt to get by with just the one ear.

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Losing another?!

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That'd make the wearing of comedy glasses extremely impractical.

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MAN GROWLS

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SCREAMING

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Oh, Wackadoo! It's Angry-Pants.

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Hold tight, Doris.

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-Where are you, you horrible, little blue bear?!

-Here I am.

-Ah!

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HE SNEEZES

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-Hello, Mr Angry-Pants.

-"Hello"? I'll give you "hello"!

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Four hours it took that hospital to get this toilet seat off my neck.

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-Ooops!

-"Ooops" doesn't even come into it.

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Do you know why? Afterwards they did some tests on me.

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Look... HIS HAND RATTLES

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And that... BOTH HANDS RATTLE

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And that... HIS LEG RATTLES

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You know what that is, don't you, Bear?

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-Um...hokey-cokey.

-No!

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It's not the hokey-cokey - it's severe nervous disorder.

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My nerves are completely shredded, so much so,

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that I'm going to need a very expensive operation.

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As my nerves wouldn't be in this state

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if it wasn't for the trouble that YOU caused,

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YOU and Mr Barney can pay for it.

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Ten thousand pounds!

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-NEV GASPS

-N-N-N-No!

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Oh, y-y-y-yes!

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I've had enough of you, Bear! It's payback time.

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Time I won one for once.

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Mr Prank is making a stand.

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Oh, I bet that hurt!

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Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

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Whack me wallaby, Nevvy, ten thousand pounds!

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-How are you and Barney gonna get that kind of moolah?

-Problemo.

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HE GASPS

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Kylie on a moped - the koala's a genius!

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-I've got an idea.

-Jippety-oh!

-Ha-ha!

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-HE SNORES

-Oh, look at him!

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That was some wallop. He isn't gonna wake up for hours yet.

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Once we've fixed his shredded nerves, the hospital won't have to.

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-We just need to do a bit of surgery. Can't be that hard.

-Easy-peasy.

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OK, Dr Neville, let's pop the hood open.

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METAL CREAKS

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Scalpel.

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Forceps.

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-Slightly scary music.

-Oh!

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Now, let's do some doctoring!

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FRANTIC RUMMAGING

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Aha! Ah-ha-ha!

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What's that?

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Ah, well, it's waterworks, for when he needs to go for a...

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Aggh!

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-NEV SPITS

-Yucky!

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RUMMAGES AGAIN

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-TICKING

-Here's his old ticker.

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-Oh!

-NEV HUMS

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Heart. Love you, heart.

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-BUZZ!

-Oh!

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Your turn.

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NEV HUMS

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CLANKING

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Wow! Look at this.

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-Angry-Pants' sense of balance.

-Wobbly-wobbly!

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HE GROANS WITH THE WEIGHT

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-Wow! What do you think this is, Nevvy?

-Hmm? I don't know.

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CREAKING 'I'm gonna get you, Bear!'

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-Aggh! That'll be his voice box, then.

-Frightened!

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-BUZZ!

-Me again!

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Swap over, Nevvy!

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This is gonna be a tricky one. One wrong move and...

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BEEP!

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-Relax!

-BEEPING CONTINUES

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Just the oven timer. Me lunchtime pie's ready. Mmm!

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Now...

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look at this!

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Angry-Pants' marbles. These are what makes his brain work.

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Do not lose the marbles.

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TEARING

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Aha! At last! Here we are - his central nervous system,

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-and there's the shredded nerves.

-Hmm!

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ELECTRICITY BUZZES

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Ouch!

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Sorry, mate, it's these nerve ends, see?

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-BUZZING

-Aggh!

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-KNOCKING ON DOOR

-Nev!

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-Oh, no!

-It's me. Can you let me in, please? Forgotten my keys.

-Aggh!

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NEV WHIMPERS

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Agghh! ..Ow!

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Nev?

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Hello, Barney. Bye, Barney.

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What's going on?

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Keith?

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Nev?

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Everything OK?

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Tip-top-a-roo!

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What's all this then?

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Just some decorating stuff.

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Oh... What about that?

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J-J-J-Just some rubbish I'm throwing out.

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-Argh!

-What?!

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Nothing!

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OK.

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Argh!

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-What?!

-I don't know!

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OK.

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Phew! I think we got away with it. Crisis over.

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If everything's OK, I'll throw this down the rubbish chute.

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See you later, guys.

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Thanks, Barney. You're a buddy. What would we do without ya?

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BOTH: Argh!

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CRASHING

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Dear, oh dear!

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-Hey, Beatrice.

-Hi.

-Where are you off to?

-Shops.

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-Ingredients for a new ice-cream recipe.

-Cool.

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If you want anyone to taste test...

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-You go first!

-Hm, OK.

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Can I borrow those scales?

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-Sure.

-Ow!

-I'm sorry.

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-Here you go.

-Ow! Don't worry.

-I'm so sorry.

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They go on there like that.

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I'll put these inside, thank you.

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Whoa!

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Oh, digeree-doo-dah! I think my bum's on fire!

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Shush! Problemo.

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Calm down, calm down!

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Look, Angry-Pants body parts are all here.

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Let's put them in the sack and get outta here.

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OK, Crazy Keith.

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We'll be fine as long as we're quiet.

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I'M GONNA GET YOU, BEAR!

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-Shush!

-NEV SCREAMS

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The marbles, Nevvy. Quick. Over there.

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MEOW!

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Leave the marbles. We'll come back for them later.

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Come on!

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There you go. Shredded nerves, sorted.

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It's amazing what you can do with sticky tape

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and lack of medical knowledge.

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Strewth! He's coming round.

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I'd better get all his body bits back in fast.

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-Marbles.

-No time!

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He'll have to do without his marbles.

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It's never stopped Barney's Aunt Barbara.

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She lost her marbles years ago!

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First things first.

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Nurse!

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Whisporks.

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Water doo-dah.

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And the old ticker.

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Right, I'm outta here.

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Gordon Granny's Hootenanny! Elvis has married me bagpipes!

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-Confused.

-Flightable haddock.

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Talking of which, I've got to decorate the upstairs hallway.

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Ooh, very wobbly.

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The scales, Nevvy. We forgot his sense of balance.

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Beep, beep.

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Beep, beep!

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Argh!

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Good gravy, Plank. What the blazes are you doing?!

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Just decorating, Your Holiness.

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That's ice-cream!

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Exactly. A couple of coats of milk choc chip

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ought to freshen this place right up.

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Ooh! Look at those cracks. You could do with a couple of coats yourself.

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There we are.

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That's better!

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Have you taken leave of your senses?

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Time to get on with the ceiling. Bye-bye!

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Argh!

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Right, Plank. It's back to hospital for you.

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Barney!

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Barney!

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Nevvy, he's out cold. We can operate again.

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We haven't got much time.

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We need to put those marbles in double quick.

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Barney?! Are you there?

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Plank's gone mad and knocked himself out.

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I think we ought to call that hospital.

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Wallop me wombat! If the hospital finds out Angry-Pants

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has lost his marbles as well,

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-that £10,000 bill's gonna become a £20,000 bill.

-No!

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Barney! Didn't Plank give you the hospital's number?

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Here's the plan...

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Barney, are you there?

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Ba-ba!

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-Oh, Nevvy-wevvy! What a lovely outfit.

-Woof-woof!

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Ooh, yes. That's the number.

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What a clever little Nevvy doggy.

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Hello! Is that Sir Michael of the proper posh?

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-Yes, m'lady.

-Could you despatch an ambulance straightaway?

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-Of course. Totally fair dinkum, mate.

-Pardon?

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I mean right away, m'lady. Wackadoo! Phew!

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Nevvy? Nevvy?

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-I'm here!

-Whack-a-doo!

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I'll sort out the ambulance, you get the marbles.

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No, no. Frightened.

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It's the only way.

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We've got to operate while Angry-Pants is still out of it.

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Can't scare me.

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Argh!

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Phew-wee. No bandit.

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MEOW!

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MEOW!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Funny looking ambulance!

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Meow!

0:18:320:18:34

My turn?

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OK. Hm...

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I win! I win!

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I win! Ha-ha-ha!

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Mine.

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Nicely done, m'lady.

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Crazy Keith, quick!

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Bonzer, Nevvy. You got the marbles. Jump in!

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Right, m'lady. Thank you for you help.

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We'll be off now.

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Soon as Aunt Barbara goes inside,

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we drag Angry-Pants back in the flat and put his marbles in.

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Yes, off we shall be. Shortly.

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Is there a problem?

0:19:320:19:34

Well, the thing is m'lady the driver had to get a knighthood.

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He'll be back in...

0:19:380:19:41

Oh, good gravy! I'll drive.

0:19:410:19:44

In the back, Nevvy. Now!

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Dingos doo-doo! We've gotta fix Angry-Pants.

0:19:540:19:57

Quick, before Aunt Barbara realises something's up.

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Don't worry. Just a road sign. Don't know why they make them so small!

0:20:020:20:08

-You'll have to shout the directions.

-OK, OK.

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Look for an empty road with no road signs.

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Or trucks carrying chickens! CLUCK CLUCK!

0:20:210:20:24

Good job Dr Keith came prepared for keyhole surgery.

0:20:240:20:30

SCREECH!

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Apparently the surgeons had fixed you up before you got to hospital.

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Aunt Barbara bought you back home.

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That's weird. I don't remember anything.

0:20:410:20:44

That posh and private hospital didn't even charge for treatment.

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It was on the house.

0:20:490:20:50

-That's amazing. And they cured my shredded nerves. Look.

-Wow!

0:20:500:20:57

I feel great. I think I'll go and...

0:20:570:21:01

Ooh! CLUNK!

0:21:010:21:03

Hi, guys.

0:21:060:21:07

Hey, Beatrice.

0:21:070:21:09

I thought I'd better bring these scales back.

0:21:090:21:13

Uh-oh.

0:21:160:21:17

CRASH! Oh!

0:21:180:21:22

Is that Mr Prank?

0:21:230:21:25

It's weird. Did he seem more clumsy to you tonight?

0:21:250:21:30

Um, no-no-no.

0:21:300:21:33

Nev, we've got to give Angry-Pants his sense of balance back.

0:21:440:21:49

Noisy.

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He's trying to put his old TV in the attic.

0:21:500:21:53

We can't operate on him until he's unconscious again.

0:21:530:21:57

Argh!

0:21:570:21:59

I reckon he's unconscious now!

0:21:590:22:02

Let's go, Dr Neville.

0:22:020:22:06

When Nev accidentally causes Caretaker Prank's head to be stuck down the loo, Angry Pants calls on a posh private hospital and is determined that Barney and Nev will foot his enormous medical bill.

When accident number two happens and Prank finds himself unconscious, Crazy Keith and Nev decide to operate on the caretaker themselves. After all, they'll save on the medical expenses and doctoring can't be that hard, can it?

Before long, Mr Prank's shredded nerves are chucked down the rubbish chute, Beatrice uses his sense of balance for a recipe and Bandit the cat pots Angry Pants's marbles as snooker balls.

Dr Keith and Dr Neville have no choice but to retrieve the body parts and complete a successful operation on Prank before their secret is uncovered and Barney or, worst of all, Aunt Barbara find out.