Everyone Loves Chops Bear Behaving Badly


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Everyone Loves Chops

Comedy series. When Chops, the dog who lives in Aunt Barbara's handbag, suddenly emerges as the cutest pooch in the world, Nev gets a massive bout of jealousy.


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A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!

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# You love me, I love you

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# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two

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# Me on the keys, you on kazoo

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# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two... #

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Big solo, Nev - go!

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NEV BLOWS HIS KAZOO

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Nice work, Nev!

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Dithering dingoes! You play a mean kazoo, Nev!

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Crazy Keith!

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Fancy dress party, is it?

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No, Barney mate! Run your peepers over this!

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Ta-dah!

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-A fortune teller? You?!

-You bet!

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Oh, sparkly!

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It's a job with a future that'll earn me a fortune.

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Say hello to Mr Keithio, the All Revealing!

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Hello, Keithio.

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Cross my paw with biccies and I'll tell you your futures.

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Sorry, but we don't need to know our future.

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Too right, bro!

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Hmm... I could foresee you saying that...

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Hmm...

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That's it, Bandit, I'm booting you out.

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I can't afford to keep you on my measly caretaker wage.

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With the cream van kaput,

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I'm not making money on my secret ice cream business.

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Miaow!

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SAD MUSIC PLAYS

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Forget it! Now sling your claw and find somewhere else to live!

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Miaow...

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Miaow!

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Plank?

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-It's PRANK!

-DOG BARKS

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Quiet, Chops!

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Good gravy, Plank!

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You look as though you've had a fight with a much spreader!

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Oh, yes...I've just been fixing, er... er... things, yes.

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And I wish somebody would fix that rusty ice cream van outside.

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-Whoever owns that should be locked up!

-Yes.

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DOG BARKS

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Sshh, Chops!

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You haven't seen my niece Melanie, have you?

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She promised to dog-sit Chops for me while I go for a beauty makeover.

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No... No, sirree, I haven't seen Melanie.

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Sorry, Miss Barbara.

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-Miaow! DOG BARKS

-Quiet, Chops!

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Treat!

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MUNCHING

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BURP!

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So, what exactly does Chops look like then?

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Do you know, Plank, I can't remember.

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It seems so long ago

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since my little doggie popped out to say, "Hello, Mumsie!"

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He so loves his cosy little handbag.

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Seems for a furry little thing, it's the perfect place to live.

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Miaow!

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Anyway, Plank, haven't you got any work to do?

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-DOG BARKS

-Down, boy, cease!

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Behave yourself! Do as you're told!

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Mad as a wasp sandwich.

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# Me on keys, you on kazoo... #

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Big finish, Nev!

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# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two! #

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Nice! Fancy a biscuit break?

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Aye-aye, captain! Jam! Jammy biccie!

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-BANGING ON DOOR

-Open up!

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Barbara!

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Miaow!

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Barbara, what a nice surprise!

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I've been knocking for weeks

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while you've been playing that hop hip replacement music.

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NEV BLOWS KAZOO Miaow!

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Nevvy doggie, I didn't see you there!

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Woof-woof!

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Actually, Nev's not a dog.

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As your cousin Melanie has let me down,

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-could you look after Chops?

-Well...

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With another doggie, there shouldn't be a problem.

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He never leaves my bag.

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-Oh.

-Thank you. Bye!

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I guess that's a yes then!

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DOG SNARLS AND BARKS

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I know what you're thinking, Nev -

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a nice little tune to settle Chops down a bit, yeah?

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# I love you, you love me

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# Me and you, the tip-top two

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# Hi there, Bandit

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# Biscuits wackadoo

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NEV BLOWS KAZOO # Not keen on Nev's kazoo

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# You love me, I love you

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# Me and you, the tip-top two... #

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What's...that?

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Wow, it must be Chops!

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Hey! Did you like our little song?

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CHOPS PANTS

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I don't know why he sounded so mean in that bag. He's so cute! Yes!

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Chopstick!

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Now, Chops, I think you're hungry, aren't you?

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You look like you want a treat. Let Uncle Barney sort you out.

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How about a jammy treat? Would you like a biscuit?

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No way, Jose!

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Nev, we've got to share. We're gonna look after Chops

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and so we're going to.

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CHOMPING

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-BURP!

-Uh-oh!

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Mr Keith will see a spot of bother! Ulp!

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Shall we go and get a biscuit, Chops?

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-It's OK, I'm excited too.

-Barney...

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Er, Nev, have you been at the biscuits?

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No-no-no-no!

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Really? Chops, what do you think of a nice treat?

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KNOCKING AT DOOR Someone at the door

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Hungry! Oh, jam - mine!

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-Hi, sorry I'm late.

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Aunt Barbara demanded I look after that spoiled mutt of hers.

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Ha-ha! Smelanie!

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Hi!

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Oh, look at the 'ickle doggie!

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Ohhh...

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Hmm.

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-It's Chops.

-What, the bad barker?

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I never knew he was cutesie!

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Smelanie! Smelanie! Smelanie!

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Move over, Nev.

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-Hello, little one, aren't you gorgeous?

-Yes, you are.

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Mel, could you look after Chops while I go to the shop?

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I'm gonna get him some doggie treats.

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You'll want to let him explore round the flat.

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-See you later!

-Barney! Barney!

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Smelanie! Smelanie!

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Ohhh...

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-Coo-ee! BANG!

-Ow!

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Do you mind?

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I spy a little grease monkey!

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I spy an annoying postie!

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So...what's in your sack?

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It's all for you, Mr Prank.

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Yeah - probably fan mail.

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There you go.

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Bills...bills...

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All bills!

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Funny - it doesn't say it's for Bill.

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-NEV SIGHS

-Miss you, Barney.

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Miss you, Tip-Topper Two.

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Miaow!

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NEV PLAYS TUNE ON KAZOO

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MIAOW!

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Feeling lonely...

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Hmm?

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I know, I know! Crazy Keith!

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Crazy Keiiiiiiiiith!

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If I don't get that van fixed soon and sell some ice cream,

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Prank's Ices is gonna go out of business and I'll be on the street!

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You ARE on the street!

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Yes, I know.

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What you need is a gimmick -

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someone or something to help sell your ice creams.

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That's it - if I can't get the van to the people,

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I'll bring the people to the van!

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And I know the perfect woman...

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You're right! For the first time, you're right!

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That dog is the perfect gimmick to sell my ice cream.

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PRANK CHUCKLES

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Oh, isn't he divine? Hello!

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CLANGING

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Ohhhhhhhhh!

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Ouch!

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Love me, Crazy Keith!

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Mystic Keithio, if you don't mind.

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The crystal ball said you'd come here.

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Mondo problemo.

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I see EVERYTHING...

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You're being ignored for the cutest dog in the world.

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Everyone loves Chops and you're a bit of a scruffball!

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But I'm still here for you!

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Let's look and see what the future holds!

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CRAZY KEITH GASPS

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The mists... They are a-clearing...

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I see you, Nev... looking rich...famous...

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surrounded by a popular crowd.

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Hmmm... They love you!

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Hmm.

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Oh, adorable, adorable, adorable...

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See, Nevvy? You're going to be adored,

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even by old Angrypants!

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Confused.

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Course you are, Nevvy.

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But Mystic Keithio knows exactly what this means.

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Cuter than Chops you must be.

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Then love you again they will, you'll see!

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Shabbidi-yeah!

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You need to dress cutely.

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Doris won't mind if you use her cast-offs. I wear them all the time!

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Don't I, love? Yep!

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Time for a Nev makeover - to out-cute the Chops.

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What a little smasher!

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Ooh! Why, thank you!

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Not you, I was talking about Chops.

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Put those bills in there.

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Little Chopsy - oh, he's adorable, adorable, adorable, cute, gorgeous!

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Hmm... Chops loved, not me.

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Where is he? It's that bear. He's here somewhere.

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Bloomin' allergy!

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Here I am!

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Ah-choo!

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Bear! What are you wearing?

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You look ridiculous. Shift!

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Ohhh...

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And you can shift an' all!

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Hello, Postie!

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SHE SCREAMS

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Hmm.

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Seems for a furry little thing, it's the perfect place to live.

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BANDIT CACKLES

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Miaow!

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Who's the cutest dog in the world? It's you! Yes, it is.

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You stay there, I'm gonna get a glass of water.

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CHOPS BARKS

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-Miaow!

-Oh no, you're not going back in there.

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CHOPS CONTINUES BARKING

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Aunt Barbara is coming back soon

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and I want her to see me looking after you, just like she asked.

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Thought I heard our yappy little friend.

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What do you want, Plank?

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Same as you usually do - to be in Aunt Barbara's good books.

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She was very angry you were late for your dog-sitting.

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Go on.

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What better way to make it up to her than a gift from you

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of some lovely photos of Chops here?

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What a gorgeous, lovely, cutie poochie-poo!

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Well, I suppose it would be cool.

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Great! I'll have the mutt back with you in an hour.

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Ah-choo!

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Come on, Bonzo.

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Miaow!

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You were wise to return, Nevvy.

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Waaaah... Waaaaah...

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Waaaaaaaaaaaah...

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Now, what does the crystal ball foresee?

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Aaaah!

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What's that?

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It's all right - it's only a bit of me dinner!

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Now, let me see...

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Ah... I see it won't be long

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before you are the only one, Nevvy!

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Shabbidi-yeah!

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No Chops here.

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Shabbidi-yeah!

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Treats galore for you!

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Confused.

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Return Chops to the bag you must,

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then you and you alone will be loved and fussed...

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over.

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Hmm, confused.

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Ach! They love ya, Nev.

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I tell ya - this ball's never wrong.

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Go for it, buddy!

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Ah, not so fast, Nevvy.

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How do you plan to get Chops back in the bag?

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Hmm... I dunno.

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Exactly! But fear not - Mystic Keithio has the answer!

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Voila - my patented dog-o-fetcher.

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No pooch can resist chasing a ball fired from this little beauty.

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Chops will chase our ball all the way back into the handbag.

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Nice catch, Nevvy!

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Hmm.

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Come on, doggie, lick the ice cream!

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There'll be queuing down the street for Prank's Ice Cream!

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Come on, Chops, work the ice cream.

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Beg for it, hot doggie!

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There's something wrong with this...

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Psst! Chops! Fetch, boy!

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-CHOPS BARKS

-Oi! Come here!

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-Come here, Chops!

-Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner!

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Aaaaah!

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Miaow!

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Chops! Jump!

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NEV LAUGHS

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No problemo!

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BANDIT CACKLES

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-Hmm, easy peasy!

-DOOR CLOSES

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Smelanie!

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-Hey, Nev. Has Plank brought Chops back yet?

-Hmm...

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I'm missing that dog already, aren't you?

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He's so cute!

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Hmm... Here I am. Kissy-kissy!

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Chops! Chops!

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Chops! Chops, come here!

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Here... Here you are, Melanie, here.

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I was just, er, leaving.

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You've lost Chops.

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Not entirely, no, he's-he's here somewhere.

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What a Plank! We've got to find him before Aunt Barbara gets back.

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Yes, erm...

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Shabbidi-yeah!

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No Chops here!

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Shabbidi-yeah!

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Treats galore for you.

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Chops...

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Like, thanks for the help, Nev.

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Don't you care about Chops?

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-NEV SNIFFS

-Not loved... Not wanted...

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Mystic Keithio!

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Sorry to barge in, Nev. Wanna see the future?

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There's an emergency reading coming on.

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Oh, my lovely little hero Nevvy doggie.

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You saved my Chops! How can I ever repay you?

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Confused.

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Venture deep into the bag.

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From inside, you then must drag

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Auntie Barbara's Chops set free.

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A hero loved by all you'll be.

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Nev, this is your destiny.

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Hmmm...

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Third time lucky, eh?

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Aye-aye, captain.

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Good luck, Nevvy!

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You show 'em where Chops is

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and you'll be the blue hairy hero of the hour.

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-Chops!

-Chops!

-Chops!

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-Chops!

-Where are ya?

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Ooh, the bag! What about the bag?

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-Get out the way, bear!

-CRASH!

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We would have heard him barking.

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It's no good. Chops is lost.

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What?!

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Ohhhhhh!

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But I've just bought all these doggie treats.

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Call the police, Plank - NOW!

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If Chops is out there, our boys will find him.

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Right, let's go over this again, shall we?

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Mr Plank...

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It's Prank - P-R-A-N-K, not PLANK.

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Mr PLANK...

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you were taking a photograph of said missing dog in your flat

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when he chased a ball into this flat.

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But when you entered this flat, he was gone.

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Yes, gone.

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Miss Melanie...

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you didn't see said dog in this flat,

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you only saw the blue bear.

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Mr Harwood, sir,

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you were out shopping...for treats.

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Yeah, Chocky-Wocky Chunk Chomps.

0:18:310:18:33

Is this getting us anywhere, Officer?

0:18:330:18:37

No-one is above suspicion, madam. Not even you.

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In fact, I put it to you

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that you were ALL responsible in part for this crime.

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ALL: What?!

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I put it to you that Chops, a defenceless dog,

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became the victim of his own bark -

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a bark which you all wanted to silence!

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Outrageous!

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THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

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NEV BLOWS KAZOO

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I know, I know!

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Nev, do you know where Chops is?

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Do I, bro?

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Well, I knew it was you all along, blue bear,

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I just needed to flush you out into the open.

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Right, you're nicked!

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Oh! Frightened!

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-MUFFLED:

-Can't catch me!

0:19:240:19:26

You can't evade the law forever!

0:19:260:19:28

Bear, do you hear me?

0:19:280:19:30

I have this bag completely surrounded!

0:19:300:19:35

Chops! Chopstick!

0:19:370:19:40

Chops!

0:19:400:19:42

Poor Chops.

0:19:420:19:44

Chops! Chops?

0:19:440:19:47

NEV GASPS

0:19:470:19:48

Hmm, poor Chops.

0:19:480:19:51

HISSING

0:19:520:19:55

Uh-oh.

0:19:550:19:56

Miaaaaow!

0:19:590:20:02

NEV SCREAMS

0:20:020:20:04

Everybody stand back, nothing to see here.

0:20:040:20:08

Nev, come out!

0:20:080:20:10

-Can't catch me!

-BARKING AND SNARLING

0:20:100:20:12

Listen, it's Chops.

0:20:120:20:14

BARKING Miaow!

0:20:140:20:16

And that sounds like Bandit.

0:20:160:20:18

SNARLING Miaow!

0:20:180:20:20

Miaow... SNARLING CONTINUES

0:20:200:20:23

What's that manky cat doing in my handbag with my Chopsie?

0:20:230:20:27

Hasn't he got his own home to go to? PLANK!

0:20:270:20:30

Dear oh dear oh dear...

0:20:340:20:36

BANDIT CACKLES

0:20:360:20:39

NEV PLAYS THE KAZOO

0:20:390:20:42

That's Nev playing the kazoo.

0:20:510:20:53

Bandit hates the kazoo. Nice plan, Nev!

0:20:530:20:57

Miaaaaaow! BARKING AND KAZOO CONTINUE

0:20:570:21:01

MIAAAAAAAOW!

0:21:010:21:04

Waaaaah!

0:21:040:21:05

Get off, Bandit!

0:21:060:21:08

Baba!

0:21:080:21:10

Here I am.

0:21:110:21:13

Come to Mumsie!

0:21:130:21:15

Oh, my lovely little hero Nevvy doggie,

0:21:150:21:18

you saved my Chops! How can I ever repay you?

0:21:180:21:22

I'm sure Hero Nev will think of something!

0:21:220:21:25

Too right, bro.

0:21:250:21:26

To push you on, why not have some of these treats?

0:21:260:21:30

You've earned it, mate.

0:21:300:21:32

-Well done.

-Hooray for Nevvy!

0:21:320:21:34

Yes, well done. Round of applause for Nev.

0:21:340:21:38

Yippee!

0:21:380:21:41

ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS

0:21:410:21:43

Sounds like Mr Prank's got the ice cream van fixed,

0:21:430:21:46

thanks to you, Nev.

0:21:460:21:48

Although Aunt Barbara did think

0:21:480:21:50

the fan belt you wanted for saving Chops was a bit odd.

0:21:500:21:53

Aye-aye, captain.

0:21:530:21:55

If you thought I was ignoring you, I wasn't.

0:21:550:21:58

It's just that Chops is cute.

0:21:580:22:00

Love you, Barney.

0:22:000:22:01

'Ello, fellers!

0:22:030:22:05

Hey, Nevvy, how do you fancy another reading?

0:22:050:22:08

NEV SCREAMS

0:22:090:22:10

When Chops, the growling dog who lives in Aunt Barbara's handbag, suddenly emerges as every inch the cutest pooch in the world, Nev gets a massive bout of jealousy.

It seems that everyone, even the pet-hating Angry Pants, prefers Chops to Neville. Crazy Keith the koala has an idea. Maybe Keith's new-found skills in fortune telling can help get Nev back in favour.