Comedy series. When Chops, the dog who lives in Aunt Barbara's handbag, suddenly emerges as the cutest pooch in the world, Nev gets a massive bout of jealousy.
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A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!
# You love me, I love you
# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two
# Me on the keys, you on kazoo
# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two... #
Big solo, Nev - go!
NEV BLOWS HIS KAZOO
Nice work, Nev!
Dithering dingoes! You play a mean kazoo, Nev!
Fancy dress party, is it?
No, Barney mate! Run your peepers over this!
-A fortune teller? You?!
It's a job with a future that'll earn me a fortune.
Say hello to Mr Keithio, the All Revealing!
Cross my paw with biccies and I'll tell you your futures.
Sorry, but we don't need to know our future.
Too right, bro!
Hmm... I could foresee you saying that...
That's it, Bandit, I'm booting you out.
I can't afford to keep you on my measly caretaker wage.
With the cream van kaput,
I'm not making money on my secret ice cream business.
SAD MUSIC PLAYS
Forget it! Now sling your claw and find somewhere else to live!
Good gravy, Plank!
You look as though you've had a fight with a much spreader!
Oh, yes...I've just been fixing, er... er... things, yes.
And I wish somebody would fix that rusty ice cream van outside.
-Whoever owns that should be locked up!
You haven't seen my niece Melanie, have you?
She promised to dog-sit Chops for me while I go for a beauty makeover.
No... No, sirree, I haven't seen Melanie.
Sorry, Miss Barbara.
-Miaow! DOG BARKS
So, what exactly does Chops look like then?
Do you know, Plank, I can't remember.
It seems so long ago
since my little doggie popped out to say, "Hello, Mumsie!"
He so loves his cosy little handbag.
Seems for a furry little thing, it's the perfect place to live.
Anyway, Plank, haven't you got any work to do?
-Down, boy, cease!
Behave yourself! Do as you're told!
Mad as a wasp sandwich.
# Me on keys, you on kazoo... #
Big finish, Nev!
# Me and you, the Tip-Topper Two! #
Nice! Fancy a biscuit break?
Aye-aye, captain! Jam! Jammy biccie!
-BANGING ON DOOR
Barbara, what a nice surprise!
I've been knocking for weeks
while you've been playing that hop hip replacement music.
NEV BLOWS KAZOO Miaow!
Nevvy doggie, I didn't see you there!
Actually, Nev's not a dog.
As your cousin Melanie has let me down,
-could you look after Chops?
With another doggie, there shouldn't be a problem.
He never leaves my bag.
-Thank you. Bye!
I guess that's a yes then!
DOG SNARLS AND BARKS
I know what you're thinking, Nev -
a nice little tune to settle Chops down a bit, yeah?
# I love you, you love me
# Me and you, the tip-top two
# Hi there, Bandit
# Biscuits wackadoo
NEV BLOWS KAZOO # Not keen on Nev's kazoo
# You love me, I love you
# Me and you, the tip-top two... #
Wow, it must be Chops!
Hey! Did you like our little song?
I don't know why he sounded so mean in that bag. He's so cute! Yes!
Now, Chops, I think you're hungry, aren't you?
You look like you want a treat. Let Uncle Barney sort you out.
How about a jammy treat? Would you like a biscuit?
No way, Jose!
Nev, we've got to share. We're gonna look after Chops
and so we're going to.
Mr Keith will see a spot of bother! Ulp!
Shall we go and get a biscuit, Chops?
-It's OK, I'm excited too.
Er, Nev, have you been at the biscuits?
Really? Chops, what do you think of a nice treat?
KNOCKING AT DOOR Someone at the door
Hungry! Oh, jam - mine!
-Hi, sorry I'm late.
Aunt Barbara demanded I look after that spoiled mutt of hers.
Oh, look at the 'ickle doggie!
-What, the bad barker?
I never knew he was cutesie!
Smelanie! Smelanie! Smelanie!
Move over, Nev.
-Hello, little one, aren't you gorgeous?
-Yes, you are.
Mel, could you look after Chops while I go to the shop?
I'm gonna get him some doggie treats.
You'll want to let him explore round the flat.
-See you later!
Do you mind?
I spy a little grease monkey!
I spy an annoying postie!
So...what's in your sack?
It's all for you, Mr Prank.
Yeah - probably fan mail.
There you go.
Funny - it doesn't say it's for Bill.
-Miss you, Barney.
Miss you, Tip-Topper Two.
NEV PLAYS TUNE ON KAZOO
I know, I know! Crazy Keith!
If I don't get that van fixed soon and sell some ice cream,
Prank's Ices is gonna go out of business and I'll be on the street!
You ARE on the street!
Yes, I know.
What you need is a gimmick -
someone or something to help sell your ice creams.
That's it - if I can't get the van to the people,
I'll bring the people to the van!
And I know the perfect woman...
You're right! For the first time, you're right!
That dog is the perfect gimmick to sell my ice cream.
Oh, isn't he divine? Hello!
Love me, Crazy Keith!
Mystic Keithio, if you don't mind.
The crystal ball said you'd come here.
I see EVERYTHING...
You're being ignored for the cutest dog in the world.
Everyone loves Chops and you're a bit of a scruffball!
But I'm still here for you!
Let's look and see what the future holds!
CRAZY KEITH GASPS
The mists... They are a-clearing...
I see you, Nev... looking rich...famous...
surrounded by a popular crowd.
Hmmm... They love you!
Oh, adorable, adorable, adorable...
See, Nevvy? You're going to be adored,
even by old Angrypants!
Course you are, Nevvy.
But Mystic Keithio knows exactly what this means.
Cuter than Chops you must be.
Then love you again they will, you'll see!
You need to dress cutely.
Doris won't mind if you use her cast-offs. I wear them all the time!
Don't I, love? Yep!
Time for a Nev makeover - to out-cute the Chops.
What a little smasher!
Ooh! Why, thank you!
Not you, I was talking about Chops.
Put those bills in there.
Little Chopsy - oh, he's adorable, adorable, adorable, cute, gorgeous!
Hmm... Chops loved, not me.
Where is he? It's that bear. He's here somewhere.
Here I am!
Bear! What are you wearing?
You look ridiculous. Shift!
And you can shift an' all!
Seems for a furry little thing, it's the perfect place to live.
Who's the cutest dog in the world? It's you! Yes, it is.
You stay there, I'm gonna get a glass of water.
-Oh no, you're not going back in there.
CHOPS CONTINUES BARKING
Aunt Barbara is coming back soon
and I want her to see me looking after you, just like she asked.
Thought I heard our yappy little friend.
What do you want, Plank?
Same as you usually do - to be in Aunt Barbara's good books.
She was very angry you were late for your dog-sitting.
What better way to make it up to her than a gift from you
of some lovely photos of Chops here?
What a gorgeous, lovely, cutie poochie-poo!
Well, I suppose it would be cool.
Great! I'll have the mutt back with you in an hour.
Come on, Bonzo.
You were wise to return, Nevvy.
Now, what does the crystal ball foresee?
It's all right - it's only a bit of me dinner!
Now, let me see...
Ah... I see it won't be long
before you are the only one, Nevvy!
No Chops here.
Treats galore for you!
Return Chops to the bag you must,
then you and you alone will be loved and fussed...
Ach! They love ya, Nev.
I tell ya - this ball's never wrong.
Go for it, buddy!
Ah, not so fast, Nevvy.
How do you plan to get Chops back in the bag?
Hmm... I dunno.
Exactly! But fear not - Mystic Keithio has the answer!
Voila - my patented dog-o-fetcher.
No pooch can resist chasing a ball fired from this little beauty.
Chops will chase our ball all the way back into the handbag.
Nice catch, Nevvy!
Come on, doggie, lick the ice cream!
There'll be queuing down the street for Prank's Ice Cream!
Come on, Chops, work the ice cream.
Beg for it, hot doggie!
There's something wrong with this...
Psst! Chops! Fetch, boy!
-Oi! Come here!
-Come here, Chops!
-Hmm, easy peasy!
-Hey, Nev. Has Plank brought Chops back yet?
I'm missing that dog already, aren't you?
He's so cute!
Hmm... Here I am. Kissy-kissy!
Chops! Chops, come here!
Here... Here you are, Melanie, here.
I was just, er, leaving.
You've lost Chops.
Not entirely, no, he's-he's here somewhere.
What a Plank! We've got to find him before Aunt Barbara gets back.
No Chops here!
Treats galore for you.
Like, thanks for the help, Nev.
Don't you care about Chops?
-Not loved... Not wanted...
Sorry to barge in, Nev. Wanna see the future?
There's an emergency reading coming on.
Oh, my lovely little hero Nevvy doggie.
You saved my Chops! How can I ever repay you?
Venture deep into the bag.
From inside, you then must drag
Auntie Barbara's Chops set free.
A hero loved by all you'll be.
Nev, this is your destiny.
Third time lucky, eh?
Good luck, Nevvy!
You show 'em where Chops is
and you'll be the blue hairy hero of the hour.
-Where are ya?
Ooh, the bag! What about the bag?
-Get out the way, bear!
We would have heard him barking.
It's no good. Chops is lost.
But I've just bought all these doggie treats.
Call the police, Plank - NOW!
If Chops is out there, our boys will find him.
Right, let's go over this again, shall we?
It's Prank - P-R-A-N-K, not PLANK.
you were taking a photograph of said missing dog in your flat
when he chased a ball into this flat.
But when you entered this flat, he was gone.
you didn't see said dog in this flat,
you only saw the blue bear.
Mr Harwood, sir,
you were out shopping...for treats.
Yeah, Chocky-Wocky Chunk Chomps.
Is this getting us anywhere, Officer?
No-one is above suspicion, madam. Not even you.
In fact, I put it to you
that you were ALL responsible in part for this crime.
I put it to you that Chops, a defenceless dog,
became the victim of his own bark -
a bark which you all wanted to silence!
THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
NEV BLOWS KAZOO
I know, I know!
Nev, do you know where Chops is?
Do I, bro?
Well, I knew it was you all along, blue bear,
I just needed to flush you out into the open.
Right, you're nicked!
-Can't catch me!
You can't evade the law forever!
Bear, do you hear me?
I have this bag completely surrounded!
Hmm, poor Chops.
Everybody stand back, nothing to see here.
Nev, come out!
-Can't catch me!
-BARKING AND SNARLING
Listen, it's Chops.
And that sounds like Bandit.
Miaow... SNARLING CONTINUES
What's that manky cat doing in my handbag with my Chopsie?
Hasn't he got his own home to go to? PLANK!
Dear oh dear oh dear...
NEV PLAYS THE KAZOO
That's Nev playing the kazoo.
Bandit hates the kazoo. Nice plan, Nev!
Miaaaaaow! BARKING AND KAZOO CONTINUE
Get off, Bandit!
Here I am.
Come to Mumsie!
Oh, my lovely little hero Nevvy doggie,
you saved my Chops! How can I ever repay you?
I'm sure Hero Nev will think of something!
Too right, bro.
To push you on, why not have some of these treats?
You've earned it, mate.
-Hooray for Nevvy!
Yes, well done. Round of applause for Nev.
ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS
Sounds like Mr Prank's got the ice cream van fixed,
thanks to you, Nev.
Although Aunt Barbara did think
the fan belt you wanted for saving Chops was a bit odd.
If you thought I was ignoring you, I wasn't.
It's just that Chops is cute.
Love you, Barney.
Hey, Nevvy, how do you fancy another reading?
When Chops, the growling dog who lives in Aunt Barbara's handbag, suddenly emerges as every inch the cutest pooch in the world, Nev gets a massive bout of jealousy.
It seems that everyone, even the pet-hating Angry Pants, prefers Chops to Neville. Crazy Keith the koala has an idea. Maybe Keith's new-found skills in fortune telling can help get Nev back in favour.