Doris of Doom Bear Behaving Badly


Doris of Doom

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hmm.

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I'll give you a clue. It's something big,

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it's round...

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Cake!

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No.

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Hmm.

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Ah! Jam!

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No!

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Ice cream!

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Shall we save a bit of time? Stop guessing and just open it!

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What's that?

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It's a trampoline.

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Tramp-e-lene?

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Yeah. It's cool.

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I'll leave you to bounce. I've got to get to work.

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I wonder where Aunt Barbara and Melanie are.

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Come along, Melanie, dear.

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Hey, speak of the devil. Hi, Aunt B. You all set, Mel?

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Cool! A trampoline!

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Erm...

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Tramp-e-lene, Smellanie.

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I do hope we're not late, Barney.

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Ah, we'll be fine, Aunt B.

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We can't wait to be extras at your TV studio!

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Interesting, seeing as you've been telling me

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to get a proper job all these years.

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-A chimpanzee can be a presenter, Barney.

-Actually, it's quite hard.

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Melanie and I will be acting.

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Oh, the thrill of the grease paint!

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The smell of the crowd!

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CAR HORN BLARES

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-Ooh!

-Oh, that'll be the taxi.

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-Come on.

-Come along, Melanie.

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Superstardom awaits!

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Sci-fi thrillers just don't act themselves, you know!

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Come on.

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Let's have a bounce-off later, Nev.

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I reckon I could bounce higher than you.

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No way, Jose!

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-Love you, Smellamie.

-Love you too, Nev.

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See you later, Nev. Love you.

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BOING! BOING!

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Love...you...

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Barney...whoa!

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CRASH!

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THEY LAUGH AND WHOOP

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Hey! The Barnster's come up trumps with this present, Nevvie!

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This is bonza!

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Groovy!

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Jumpin' jingos! You're turbocharged, Nevvie! Look at you go!

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Jibbidy-ya! Love you, Crazy Keith!

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Hey, Doris, darl.

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Fancy a quick jump?

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Phew! I'm pooped, Nevvie!

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Doris and I are feeling a bit peckish, Nevvie.

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-Hungry?

-Yeah, but I know just what we feel like!

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A freezer of good old Angry Pants' best freshly-made ice cream!

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Yummo!

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Uh-oh!

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-KEITH GASPS

-Ah!

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No worries, Nevvie!

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No-one locks out THIS koala!

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Here you go, Doris!

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Three, two, one,

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who bears, wins!

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BANG!

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NEV SCREAMS

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-Groovy!

-HE LAUGHS

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Oh!

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Yeah! I saw this programme on TV about blowing stuff up.

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You know me, Nevvie.

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Always like to broaden my horizons.

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Hee-hee! Yum-yum!

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Get your laughing gear round this, Doris!

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HEAVY FOOTSTEPS

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NEV GASPS Ice cream!

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Daddy's here!

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I've come to check you're nice and safe and cosy!

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NEV GASPS

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Diddling dingos! It's Angry Pants!

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Leg it!

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Oh!

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Doris!

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Doris, run!

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Doris, run!

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Doris has come over all unnecessary!

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Stay still, darl!

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Make like a chameleon!

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Try and blend in with the furniture!

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DOOR CREAKS OPEN

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Now...

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Ah!

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Hang on a minute!

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What?!

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My precious ice cream!

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My fortune!

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I'm doomed to be caretaker of this crummy block of flats forever!

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HE SNEEZES

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Hang on a minute. I smell a rat.

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Or should I say, a pesky blue bear.

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When I get my hands on you, bear, I'm going to chew the other ear off!

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I'm going to...

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Hello!

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What's this?

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Uh-oh!

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Does this belong to you, bear?

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Be brave, Doris, love!

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Smelly little wool-ball!

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KEITH GASPS AND GROWLS

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You take something of mine, bear, and I'll take something of yours!

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See how you like it! HE LAUGHS

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DOOR SLAMS

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Doris!

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BANDIT SNORES

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Wakey-wakey!

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BANDIT MEOWS AND SNARLS

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KEITH GASPS

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Here you are, Bandit! A plaything for ya!

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Don't say I never give ya nothing. BANDIT MEOWS

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BANDIT SNIFFS Ah!

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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Oh, didger-me-doodah!

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Bandit's got the hots for my honey!

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Ah. My precious ice cream!

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My back-up supply was so cruelly snatched away.

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But at least you're all right!

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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Got you, Doris!

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BANDIT MEOWS AGGRESSIVELY

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BANDIT GROWLS

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Put a sock in it, Bandit!

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I gave you a present, didn't I?

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Let me see.

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Ten pound a tub, that's one, two, three...

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BANDIT GROWLS

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Oh, no, you don't!

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BANDIT GROWLS That's it! I've had enough!

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Oh, no! I've got to go!

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I'll be back for you, my darling!

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Well, if you won't play nice,

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you can at least make yourself useful.

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BANDIT MEOWS QUIZZICALLY

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There's one sure way of stopping Neville

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from scoffing the rest of my ice cream stash.

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BANDIT MEOWS EVILLY

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Oh, yes! I've got a brilliant plan! HE LAUGHS

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You know why?

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Because I'm brilliant!

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Come on, Bandit!

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BANDIT MEOWS AND GROWLS

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Oh! OK, Nevvie! You know how I'm fixed!

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If Angry Pants susses out that I live here, ahhh!

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I'll be chucked out on my ear!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Oh, so you gotta help me get my Doris back!

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Aye aye, Captain!

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DOOR OPENS Bear!

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Wackadoo!

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Oh, bring my baby home safe, Nevvie!

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Please!

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Oh, there you are, bear!

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Come on, Bandit! HE LAUGHS

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I know you scoffed my ice cream!

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But you won't be doing it any more!

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From now on, Bandit and I are going to keep our beady eyes on you

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all the time!

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NEV GASPS

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ANGRY PANTS LAUGHS All the t...

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HE SNIFFS Oh, bloomin' bear allergies!

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HE SNIFFS

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HE SNEEZES

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-Yucky!

-HE SPITS

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY AND KISSES DORIS

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Rrrrrr!

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I'm going to get a few Z's in.

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Don't take your eyes off the bear.

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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Poor Doris! Poor Crazy Keith!

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ANGRY PANTS SNORES

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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Oh!

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Doris!

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BANDIT MEOWS AGGRESSIVELY

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BANDIT AND NEV GROWL

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BANDIT AND NEV GASP

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BANDIT GROWLS

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Ah! The sky's falling in!

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CRASH!

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-Doris!

-BANDIT GROWLS

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Right, you motley pair!

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BANDIT MEOWS IN PANIC

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BANDIT MEOWS

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And stay in there till you've calmed down!

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And as for you, bear...

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Can't catch me! Ah! Sorry, Doris!

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ANGRY PANTS GROWLS

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NEV SCREAMS

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ANGRY PANTS LAUGHS EVILLY

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There!

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See how you like spending the whole day in the khazi!

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That'll teach you to nab my ice cream!

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Right. How am I going to keep him trapped in there?

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HE LAUGHS

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Hmm. Hmm.

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Ah!

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Crazy Keith!

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Ah!

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Oh, at this rate, we'll never get to save my Doris!

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Oh!

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LOUD SNORING

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What's that?

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Huh? Ha!

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-KEITH GASPS

-Bonza!

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Old Angry Pants has conked out!

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Ah, ha-ha! He's snoring like a bush hog on a hot day!

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This is our chance, Nevvie!

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Let's go!

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KEITH GIGGLES

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-ANGRY PANTS SNORES

-Doris!

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THEY GASP

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Oh, no! We're going to be stuck in that bathroom all day, Nevvie!

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-NEV LAUGHS

-Too right, bro!

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Well, go get her, Nevvie boy!

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Easy peasy!

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Ooh, here you go!

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HE SIGHS

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ANGRY PANTS GROANS

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Wackadoo! Oh, he's squishing the life out of her!

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-Oh!

-Wait a minute! I've got it!

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-NEV GASPS

-I've seen a rescue operation like this on the TV!

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HE GROANS

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OK, Nevvie! All clear!

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Get in there and rescue my Doris!

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OK, Keith!

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You're a bonza mate, Nevvie!

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When Doris and I tie the knot, you'll be our best bear, won't ya?

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Oh! Tip-taparoo!

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ANGRY PANTS WHIMPERS

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ANGRY PANTS WAILS

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Ah! Run!

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Whoa!

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I dreamt I was a monkey up a tree, and I fell out!

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HE MUMBLES

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BANDIT MEOWS LOUDLY

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Put a sock in it, Bandit!

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BANDIT MEOWS

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I'm rather peckish!

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I think a mega triple-decker sarnie's in order!

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Yeah!

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HE LAUGHS

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HE SIGHS

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Listen to that, Nevvie!

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Hmmm.

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Nothing.

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Exactly.

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It's just too quiet without Doris!

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KEITH BAWLS

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Oh, poor Crazy Keith!

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Ah, would I give anything to hear her sweet voice right now!

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Ah!

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I miss her so much, Nevvie!

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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There's only one thing for it.

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You've got to launch an aerial attack!

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Jibbidy-ya!

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What are you looking at?

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I'm not going to let a bug-eyed bunny put me off my food.

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Oh, Doris! Whoa!

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I'm getting a strange feeling about you, bunny!

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Weren't you sitting up a minute ago?

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HE SHUDDERS

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Calm down, Pranky, get a grip!

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It's a stuffed doll!

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A stuffed doll?

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A stuffed doll?!

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HE SCREAMS

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Whoa!

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Oh.

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Whoa!

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GLASS SMASHES

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Ah!

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Ah.

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Right, super-scary bunny doll.

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I'm going to make sure you never move a muscle ever again.

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HE LAUGHS EVILLY Sticky stuff!

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That'll sort you out. HE LAUGHS

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-KEITH GASPS

-Wackadoo!

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Oh, how to break a koala's heart!

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Oh! My poor loves!

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Ah!

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I can't watch! Oh!

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Oh, what fun, Melanie!

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I could be a TV extra any day of the week!

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You did make a good scary zombie, Aunt Barbara.

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SHE MOANS MONOTONOUSLY

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Mmm!

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Mummy would say, "Don't let a daft dolly scare you, Andrew."

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HE LAUGHS

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THEY MOAN MONOTONOUSLY

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, I know! Let's scare Nev.

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AND I can have another go on his trampoline.

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A doggy with a trampoline! Ridiculous!

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Come on!

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CLANGING Ah! More weird stuff!

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ANGRY PANTS SCREAMS

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Oops!

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HE SCREAMS Scary stuff everywhere!

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HE SCREAMS

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Hello, Mr Angry Pants!

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But...how did you...?

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ANGRY PANTS SCREAMS

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What on Earth is wrong with the caretaker?

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Er, hello?

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Oh, yes, of course!

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SHE MOANS MONOTONOUSLY

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Can't scare me! Love you, Smellamie!

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Cool costume, eh?

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Hey, shall we have that bounce-off now?

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Hmm. Smellamie first.

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Go on! I want you to get out there

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and give those 'orrible zombies what for!

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BANDIT MEOWS AGGRESSIVELY

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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Go on!

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BANDIT MEOWS LOVINGLY

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-AUNT BARBARA:

-Well done, Melanie!

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You're a natural athlete, just like me!

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Wait a minute! They're not zombies!

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BANDIT MEOWS

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Uh-oh!

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There's only one thing for it, Nevvie!

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I'm going to have to rescue Doris!

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Oh, Miss Barbara, sir... Er, ma'am.

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Miss Melanie, I see you're sporting a new look today.

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Yeah, it was for our TV debut.

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Speaking of new looks, Plank,

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what are YOU wearing?!

0:17:010:17:03

Oh, this? Well, it's...

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Anyway, do you like our costumes?

0:17:050:17:07

HE SCREAMS

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Scared you, did we?

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BANDIT MEOWS

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Oh, no you don't, Bandit!

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Nevvie! Distract them!

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Aye aye, captain!

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NEV CLEARS HIS THROAT

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Woof woof!

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HE SCREAMS PIERCINGLY

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Oh, Nevvie doggy's upset!

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HE SCREAMS PIERCINGLY

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Do something, Plank!

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I've told you umpteen times before, he's not a doggy!

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He's a bear!

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One, two, three...

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AUNT BARBARA: Don't be so ridiculous! Bears are big and scary!

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Nev is small and cute!

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Woof woof!

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I've got you, Doris, darl!

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BANDIT MEOWS

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THEY GROAN AND GROWL

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AUNT BARBARA: You're a terrible caretaker...

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That's funny!

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You know, I've just thought of a way to end all this argy-bargy!

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Something I saw on TV.

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Back in a tick!

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BANDIT MEOWS

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KEITH CLEARS HIS THROAT

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-GAME SHOW-STYLE MUSIC

-Hi, guys!

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Bruce Billabong here!

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-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Welcome to Bounce Or No Bounce!

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The game show where the biggest bouncer wins a bonza prize!

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MELANIE: Cool!

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And what a prize we have for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen!

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A bouncy, beauty-licious Barney!

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MUSIC CUTS OUT

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Madam, if you'd care to take, er, care,

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of the prize money in question, please!

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And audience, please take your places for the show of a lifetime!

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APPLAUSE

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And first of all, a round of applause, please,

0:19:080:19:11

for our bouncing bravehearts!

0:19:110:19:13

BANDIT MEOWS

0:19:130:19:15

Let the bounce-off...begin!

0:19:200:19:23

BANDIT MEOWS

0:19:230:19:25

DRUM ROLL

0:19:250:19:26

BOING! BOING!

0:19:260:19:29

Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

0:19:290:19:33

Meow!

0:19:330:19:34

CRASH!

0:19:340:19:35

GASPS

0:19:350:19:37

BOING! BOING!

0:19:390:19:40

GASPS

0:19:420:19:44

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:440:19:45

GASPS

0:19:450:19:48

CHANTING: Nevvie! Nevvie!

0:19:500:19:52

BOING! BOING!

0:19:520:19:54

AUDIENCE BOO

0:19:540:19:55

BOING! BOING!

0:20:000:20:02

CHANTING: Nevvie! Nevvie!

0:20:020:20:04

GASPS

0:20:040:20:06

CHEERING

0:20:080:20:11

BOING! BOING!

0:20:110:20:14

AUDIENCE BOO

0:20:140:20:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:20:180:20:20

And the winner is...

0:20:270:20:29

Nev!

0:20:390:20:41

Aw, yippee! I win, I win!

0:20:410:20:43

CHEERING

0:20:430:20:46

Gotta go! Photoshoot!

0:20:470:20:51

-Let's get you home, Doris!

-KEITH LAUGHS

0:20:510:20:55

NEV LAUGHS

0:20:560:20:57

BANDIT MEOWS AND SPITS

0:20:570:21:01

Nev, I am TIRED!

0:21:010:21:02

Took me ages to move that furniture from the bathroom door.

0:21:020:21:05

-Too right, bro!

-I can't work out how it got there, though.

0:21:050:21:09

-It's far too heavy for you to have put it there.

-Sleepy bear!

0:21:090:21:13

-NEV SNORES

-All right, then! Night, Nev!

0:21:130:21:16

BOING! BOING!

0:21:190:21:21

Can you hear that noise?

0:21:210:21:23

Hmm?

0:21:230:21:24

It's good news, fellas!

0:21:240:21:27

The docs reckon Doris will be out of hospital

0:21:270:21:30

and straight back to her beauty-licious self in a week!

0:21:300:21:33

Groovy!

0:21:330:21:34

Celebratory bounce, anyone?

0:21:340:21:36

Woo-hoo!

0:21:360:21:37

Wack-a-doo!

0:21:370:21:39

SMASH!

0:21:390:21:41

KEITH MOANS IN PAIN

0:21:410:21:42

Ring the hospital, Barnster,

0:21:420:21:44

and see if there's any chance of a bed next to Doris!

0:21:440:21:48

KEITH MOANS IN PAIN

0:21:480:21:50

E-mail [email protected]

0:21:500:21:52

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