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Yummy Mummy Bear Behaving Badly

Yummy Mummy

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Transcript

LineFromTo

-OK. To me.

-To you, sir.

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-To me.

-To you a bit more.

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By the way, the hospital called,

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-Aunt Barbara should be out this afternoon.

-I think it was...

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I think it was... Mr Barney?

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I'm over here.

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I think it was her eyesight that caused the accident.

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-This thing's hardly small enough to miss.

-That's true.

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-You'd be stupid to let this injure you.

-Hello, Mr Angry Pants.

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THUD Ow!

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HE GROANS

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There should be fine. Thanks.

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HE GRUNTS Goodbye.

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Oh! Oh!

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Ah, g'day, Nevvy. Watcha, Barnster.

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-Crazy Keith.

-So, what's the special delivery?

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It's from Uncle Rupert. I'm looking after it until later on.

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Let's have a gander inside.

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Better not. Besides, you'd need a crow bar to get it...

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-Whoa!

-Whoa!

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..open.

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-Easy-peasy.

-Wackadoo!

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An Egyptian Sarcophagus!

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That awesome. You two can look after it

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till the museum folk pick it up.

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Oh, you can count on us, buddy.

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I thought I could. I'm off to work. See you later.

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-Love you, Barney.

-I love you too.

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Oooh, what do you think that is down there, Nevvy?

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Hmm... Socks?

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Nah, reckon not, Nevvy.

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Now, as my old mate, PC Stereotype, might say,

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"Well, well, well. What 'ave we got 'ere, then?"

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Hmm.

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-Confused.

-Hieroglyphics, mate. Picture symbols to you and me.

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The language of ancient Egypt.

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NEV GROANS

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No worries though, I can read them.

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-My great granddad used to be Tutankhamen's plumber.

-Hmm.

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KEITH GASPS

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Wackadoo!

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-Know what these are, Nevvy?

-Not socks.

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Bang on, mate. Not in the slightest socks.

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These are ancient Egyptian comedy folk songs

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arranged for stylophone and voice.

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-BOTH GASP

-No way, Hose.

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Oh, we've just got to have a bash at these.

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Three, two, one, boom!

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# Hear me, hear me

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# Oh magic do your work

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# Hoo ha-ha ha-ha

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# Oh magic do your work

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# Awake awake No longer shall he sleep

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# Hoo ha-ha ha-ha

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# No longer shall he... #

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It's a weird sense of humour

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these ancient Egyptians have got.

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Never mind. There's probably a really funny bit in verse two.

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Three, two, one...

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# Arise, arise

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# For he shall walk again

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# Hoo ha-ha ha-ha

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# He shall walk again... #

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THUNDER CLAPS

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# Arise, arise For he shall walk again

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# Hoo ha-ha... #

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# He shall walk again. #

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NEV SCREAMS

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'Ere, what's the matter, mate?

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-Are you worried about that B chord coming up?

-Hand...there!

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Ay? What hand? Where?

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-You must have been seeing things.

-No, no, no, no!

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Come on, come on, you'll be fine. Here we go.

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# Rise up, rise up

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-THUNDER CLAPS

-# Once more into this world

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# Hoo, ha-ha, ha-ha

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# Once more into this world

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# Rise up, rise up

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-# Once more into this this world

-Hoo, ha-ha, ha-ha

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# Once more into this world... #

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-NEV GASPS

-Uh-Oh.

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DOOR CREAKS

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What happened to the music, mate?

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H-h-h-hand...th-th-there!

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Oh, come on, Nevvy!

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Ha! There's no hand. Like I said, you were just...

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MUFFLED MUSIC

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Seeing things?

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ANGELIC CHORDS

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Wacka...doo!

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NEV SCREAMS

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Crazy Keith, help!

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Oh! Relax, Nevvy, there's nothing to get your straws in a stew over.

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-B-b-b-but mummy b-b-b-ad.

-No, no, no, not this one, mate.

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There's an old Australian bushman's proverb, it goes,

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"Mummies who are bad never play stylophone."

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-This here is obviously one of the good guys.

-Hmm.

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Yeah.

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STYLOPHONE MUSIC PLAYS

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MUMMY GROANS

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LAUGHTER

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ALL LAUGH

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Oh, yeah. For solid entertainment, you just can't beat

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Animals Do The Daftest Things.

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MUMMY GROANS

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ALL LAUGH

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Jam sandwiches and cats looking stupid!

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Oh, talk about the finest things in life, eh?

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-Tip-top-eroo.

-Plus being with your best mates, of course.

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Aw, nothing beats that.

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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Barney, are you in there?

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KEITH GASPS

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Crazy Keith, hide.

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KEITH PANTS

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Barney?

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MUMMY GROANS

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ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

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Strewth, Nevvy! I think our Jason has found his Kylie.

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Mummy loves Barbara. Kissy, kissy.

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MUSIC STOPS Who the blazes are you?

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Huh?

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GASPS

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MUMMY GROANS

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Wackadoo!

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Do I know you?

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Oh, bloomin' bandages. I can't see a thing without my glasses.

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Well, speak up, man. Who are you?

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MUMMY GROANS

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Not from around these shores, eh?

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Probably some show-business friend of Barney's, I suppose.

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Well, as he's not here, I'll be off.

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MUMMY GROANS

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What the devil do you think you're up to, man?

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MUMMY GROANS

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Oh, yes, I often have this effect on men.

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Sorry, but you're not my type.

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Goodbye.

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HE GROANS

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HE SOBS

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THEY CRY

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This is totally breaking a koala's heart.

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Poor Mummy.

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Poor Mummy? Poor us. He's eating all our ice cream.

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We've got to get them two together, and quick.

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-Yeah, yeah.

-They're made for each other. He already loves her.

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We just need to make her fall in love with him. But how?

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DOG BARKS

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Chopstick!

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Of course. We get Mummy boy here to save Chopsy the dog from danger,

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and Aunt Barbara will totally fall in love then.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Hello?

-Hello. Is that Miss Barbara?

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Yes. Who is this?

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Scoop McScoop here, reporter from the Daily Wackadoo.

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Now, what can you tell us about

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the recent heroic rescue of your stolen dog, ma'am?

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Stolen dog? Oh, there must be some mistake.

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My Chops is right here...

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Good gravy! Chops is gone!

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Ah. South American dognappers.

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But don't worry -

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I just saw a mysterious hero swoop in and save your dog.

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I'm watching him now. He ain't out of the woods yet, though.

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Oh! Oh, no!

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-What? What's happening?

-Hoards of native warriors, that's what,

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chasing him with bows and arrows.

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-Whoo-whoo-whoo!

-Oh, no, they've got him.

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-Whoo-whoo-whoo!

-Oh, hang on. Strewth!

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He is still going. Oh, what a guy!

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Oh, no!

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Please, please don't let them hurt my little Chopsy Wopsy.

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Don't lose hope. He's nearly through and heading your way.

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Almost there, and yes! He made it! Oh, what a guy!

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BARKING

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Oh, my Chopsy Wopsy Woo.

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Oh, you saved my Ickle Diddums.

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How can I ever thank you?

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HE GRUNTS

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Most kind. After what you did for my Chops,

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it is I who should be treating you to dinner.

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HE GRUNTS HAPPILY

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Buddy, for someone who's 5,000- years-old, you are looking smooth!

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And, Nevvy, cue lovey-dovey music.

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LOVEY-DOVEY MUSIC

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Oh, you've hired a delightful musician.

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Bring on the vintage cherry cola.

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FIZZ!

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Oh! Argh!

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HE GASPS

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All units alert! We have a situation.

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Deploy emergency napkin. Repeat - deploy napkin.

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HE GRUNTS

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Oh, accidents will happen, eh?

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Phew-y! Nice recovery, mate.

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Operation Love Match is back on.

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LOVEY-DOVEY MUSIC CONTINUES

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Oh!

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-Oh, thank you.

-OK, Mummy boy. Prep lips and go smoocheroo.

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And cue fireworks.

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Evening.

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Wait a minute! Who are you?

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This is my job, this is. I'm the caretaker!

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HE ROARS

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HE SCREAMS

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HE SHOUTS

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There's two of them. Oh, please. Please don't hurt me.

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You can have anything you want. I've got a new head for that mop.

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It's all yours. Please, don't hurt me, please.

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What are you blathering on about, Prank? It's me!

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Miss Barbara, sir? Er, ma'am.

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Oh, get up, you idiot. I want a word with you anyway.

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-Oh.

-This is George, my fiance.

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Your what?

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You're getting married to that?

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I shall perform the marriage ceremony myself tonight.

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Wait a minute. You can't marry yourself.

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I happen to be a qualified minister

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in the High Church of the Convenient Coincidence.

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-Yeah, but Miss Barbara...

-And after George and I are married,

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-we'll have no further use of you, Prank.

-What?

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You see, George, as well as being handsome and chivalrous,

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is also a very able odd-job man.

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But your fiance is a monster.

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GEORGE GRUNTS

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Bag, George.

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-Ow!

-Caretaker, caretaker, couldn't-care-less-taker.

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Clear your things up, Prank. You're fired

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Yeah, but it's...

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HE GRUNTS

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THEY GASP

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DANCE MUSIC

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Oh, didger-me-doodah. Talk about bonus features, Nevvy.

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-No more angry pants.

-Tip-tap-a-roo!

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We just need somebody to invent

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triple-decker jam-sandwich flavour ice cream and our world is complete.

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-Huh?

-Huh?

-Huh?

-Huh?

0:14:230:14:26

What? Oh! Argh

0:14:290:14:32

Crazy Keith! Oh!

0:14:320:14:35

Argh!

0:14:350:14:38

Oh! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

0:14:380:14:43

VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRS

0:14:430:14:45

Waaah! Aw!

0:14:470:14:49

Ow! Oh! You big...

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Whoa!

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Aw, strewth!

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What's the game, mummy boy?

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Oi!

0:15:020:15:04

Eh?

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-KEITH SNIFFS

-Oh, right! That's it!

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VACUUM POWERS DOWN Huh?

0:15:160:15:20

Where's the keys?

0:15:200:15:22

You better tell us what's going on or so help me, I'll...

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That's one of Aunt Barbara's to-do lists. So what?

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"Get rid of mice, rats and other vermin."

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-KEITH GASPS

-Vermin?! I ain't vermin!

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W-W-Will you...? Hang on a minute.

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W-W-Wait... Nevvy!

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-Aaargh!

-Oh.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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Ow! Oh!

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Oh, wallopin' wallabies.

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You traitor!

0:15:580:16:00

You turncoat... Waaah!

0:16:000:16:02

-CLATTERING

-Ow!

0:16:020:16:05

You big bandaged bully boy!

0:16:070:16:09

-KEITH BLOWS A RASPBERRY

-Oh.

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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

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Mummy boy turning on his mates like that.

0:16:130:16:17

NEV BLOWS A RASPBERRY

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Yeah! It's Barbara I feel sorry for.

0:16:180:16:21

-Oh, Bra-bra.

-Yeah. She's marrying that fickle pile of rags

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and if he dumps his best buddy so quickly,

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how long will it be before he dumps her?

0:16:280:16:31

-We've got to stop that wedding, Nevvy. We've just got to.

-Hm.

0:16:310:16:36

Oh! I know, I know!

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MR PRANK SOBS

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Ah, Plank. I knew you'd still be there.

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Get a move on. The sooner you're out of here, the better.

0:16:480:16:51

Yes, Miss Barbara, sir...

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Ma'am! Right away, Miss Barbara, ma-am.

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Oh! T-T-There's more of you?!

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Chill, dude whose pants are angry.

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-For no harm to you will come.

-No way, Jose!

0:17:070:17:12

NEV HOWLS

0:17:120:17:14

(Easy on the spooky voice, mate.

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(Remember, we're mummies, not ghosts.)

0:17:160:17:19

-OK.

-But what do you want?

0:17:190:17:22

Our brother mummy dude has gone astray, see?

0:17:220:17:26

We want him back!

0:17:260:17:29

Oh, you mean George? He got me fired, he did.

0:17:290:17:33

-Yeah, he did. You're right!

-THEY LAUGH

0:17:330:17:36

BOOMING VOICE: But do as we say and maybe Miss Barbara will dump George,

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then he whose pants are angry will get his job back and stuff.

0:17:410:17:47

Stuff! Woo-oo!

0:17:470:17:51

Ooo-ooh!

0:17:510:17:54

ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS

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All units standby.

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We're ready to go hot.

0:17:590:18:02

T minus three...

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two, one! Go Operation Yummy Mummy.

0:18:030:18:07

-LOVEY-DOVEY MUSIC PLAYS

-Oh!

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Oh!

0:18:130:18:15

For the love of Rolf! Is that the best he can do?

0:18:230:18:27

He shimmies like a dodgy washing machine.

0:18:270:18:30

-BOOMING VOICE:

-You want him to kiss you, mate.

0:18:300:18:33

Not change a drive belt.

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-Give him the old Tutankhamen.

-DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:18:350:18:38

-Waah!

-Oh!

0:18:410:18:43

Strewth, Nevvy.

0:18:430:18:46

Look at him!

0:18:460:18:48

-I've seen more alluring roadkill.

-Too right, bro.

0:18:480:18:51

More hip wiggling. Repeat, more hip wiggling.

0:18:510:18:56

Not so much hip wiggling.

0:19:010:19:03

Now you're talkin'! Nice one!

0:19:090:19:13

GEORGE MOANS CONTENTEDLY

0:19:270:19:30

What on earth?!

0:19:300:19:32

NEV GASPS

0:19:340:19:35

GEORGE WAILS

0:19:350:19:36

Why, George, you two-timing monster!

0:19:410:19:47

I should have known.

0:19:470:19:49

AUNT BARBARA SOBS

0:19:490:19:51

The wedding is off!

0:19:510:19:53

If I see either of you in here again,

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I'll set Chops on you!

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BARKING, GROWLING

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Ha-ha! Yeah! Bandage brain, in your face!

0:20:020:20:06

MR PRANK CACKLES

0:20:060:20:08

HE STOPS LAUGHING

0:20:080:20:11

W-W-When I say "bandage brain"...

0:20:110:20:15

GEORGE WAILS

0:20:150:20:17

Ha-ha!

0:20:170:20:19

Ha-ha!

0:20:190:20:20

I reckon our job's done here. Time we were out of here.

0:20:220:20:26

Yeah, yeah.

0:20:260:20:27

Aaargh!

0:20:270:20:31

TWANG!

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Ha-ha! Yes! Got you!

0:20:330:20:37

And all thanks to those little mummy brothers of yours.

0:20:370:20:40

It's all right, guys, you can come out now.

0:20:400:20:44

Guys?

0:20:440:20:46

Little mummy guys?

0:20:460:20:48

When I turned round to see where they were,

0:20:500:20:53

those two teeny, tiny Egyptian mummy guys were gone.

0:20:530:20:57

-Well, that's some story, Mr Prank.

-Yes.

0:20:570:20:59

So I just waited for the museum people

0:20:590:21:02

to take that stupid sarcophagus away.

0:21:020:21:05

-Aunt Barbara gave you your job back?

-Yes. I'd better get the rubbish out.

0:21:050:21:10

Bin day tomorrow, Mr Barney. Cheerio!

0:21:100:21:13

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

0:21:130:21:15

"Teeny, tiny Egyptian guys"?

0:21:160:21:18

-Um...

-Yeah, all right.

0:21:180:21:21

Guilty as charged.

0:21:210:21:23

It's unbelievable what happens while I'm at work.

0:21:230:21:27

-I'm off to bed. Night, boys.

-Night.

-Night, Barney.

0:21:270:21:30

Um...the bed sheets? Where are my bed sheets?

0:21:300:21:34

Oh, yeah.

0:21:340:21:36

We had to shred them to make the mummy costumes.

0:21:360:21:40

Yeah, yeah. Shred.

0:21:400:21:42

-Wah!

-Eh? What?

0:21:450:21:47

Oi!

0:21:480:21:50

What's going on?

0:21:500:21:52

Bin day tomorrow.

0:21:520:21:53

I've got to get all my stuff in before the binmen take it.

0:21:530:21:57

I could do with a hand here, guys.

0:21:570:21:59

KEITH AND NEV LAUGH

0:22:050:22:08

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