25/10/2011 Blue Peter

On today's show, Helen cracks a joblg and tries her hand at stand-

up. I become a mass they are chef for the animals at Chester zoofplt

but will they love or loathe the foods I prepare for them -- Chester

Hello. Hello. Take a look at this picture. This is Charlotte with a

cheeky face and this is her joke, what is a vampire's favourite

fruit? I don't know. A neck-tarine. James sent us this. Why did Captain

Hook cross the road? I don't know. To get to the second hand shop!

Because he's got a hook, not a hand. You have been getting involved,

180,000 of you in fact have been getting involved and going online

to the Crack a Joke website. You choose your favourite presenter,

get them to tell you a joke, you decide whether or not you think

it's funny by throwing a custard pie at them if it's not funny.

that away from me. Or a rose if you think it's funny. If you have been

online and played the game, you will know that I'm not on there.

Apparently, the grown-ups upstairs have deemed me not funny enough to

be in that game. So you, I headed to a festival in South East London.

Keep that away from me, Harwood. I wanted you lot to decide if I am

funny. This is going on the floor before it goes on me. No! The CBBC

Crack a Joke website is where you need to go for a laugh. Loads of

familiar faces are there, including Barney. I want to be in it too. So

to help me find my inner funny, James Campbell headed over to the

studio to assess my skills. What do you call a man in a paper suit?

don't know. Russell! As you can see, I've got rather a long way to go.

That's why I've come to the comedy festival to meet James where

hopefully he'll be able to teach me how to be funny. It's not just a

lesson though, I've actually got to perform in front of hundreds of

children. These guys are all up for a laugh and later, they'll be

deciding whether I'm funny enough to make it tonne the site. They've

even come equipped with their own jokes. What's green and pear

shaped? A pear. Knock, knock. there? Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow... Moo. What goes up but never down? Age.. What do

skeletons say before they have a meal Bonn appetite! Why do they go

to the doctors... Good jokes, but what about the experts. Standing up

in front of people listening to me while being funny. I think the big

difference from doing television is when you are doing TV millions of

people are watching but you can't see them. Here you will be doing a

show in a theatre and there will be 350 people watching. But don't

worry, plenty of time to practise and three top tips for you. One,

keep it as true as you can. Think of stuff that's happened to you.

Tip two, story-telling. Even the smallest joke, even a knock, knock

joke is a little story. As soon as you realise someone's telling a

story and it has a beginning, middle and end, it clicks people in

and they listen more attentively. OK. Move on to step three, the

delivery. How much of that is about confidence? If you are confident,

are people going to think it's funnier? I think so. I think you've

got to be confident and tell the audience that you are going to be

funny. OK. Got that, James. He's up first

and soon has the audience in stitches. What? With its bottom?

Yes, exactly! You put the rope through the cow, through its tummy

and out of its bottom! Anybody here watch Blue Peter? Yeah Yeah....

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, start your clapping, please. Here

goes... A cheer and stamp your feet and go woo for Helen! So, the other

day we are sat in the car, music radio is on, the dog starts giving

it this and I'm thinking how cool is my dog, he's dancing. He's not

dancing, the shoulders go, the tummy goes and he lets out the

biggest amount of sick I have ever seen. Anybody ever Doug a snow

hole? Do not go in first because you can't get out. Do you know what,

these guys said to me if it all goes wrong and they don't laugh,

shout a funny word. Knickers! I don't like it out there! It's awful.

I think I'm being funny and they don't say anything.

It's up to the audience now. Everyone needs to vote whether I'm

funny or not. A rose for yes, a custard pie for no. So, ladies and

gentlemen, hold up your votes. There's got to be more roses there

than there are pies. I think that's about 80% roses, 0% custard pies

which mean, Helen, you are a success! I was not expecting that!

Thank goodness, I've made it into the game. I thought Helen's

performance was fabulous, really funny. I thought it was really

funny about the dog being sick. was brilliant! I think she was very

good. I am so relieved that that is over! I have a new found respect

for anybody who can perform on stage. Yes, I am delighted I've

made it into the game, but I'm not celebrating. I'm just glad this is

done! I think it might be the sympathy

vote. Worthy of a round of applause. Helen Skelton's made it on to the

Crack a Joke website! Got to be the hashedest job on the

planet and you made it look so easy -- hardest. Here right now we don't

know if you are laughing, but there you can see the audience. If you

feel like a laugh, you can tell Helen to tell you some jokes. What

do you call a tree with a croaky voice? A horse chestnut. Not the

best joke for an example really. Do I want to throw roses or a custard

pie? Custard pie... Custard pie... I'm going to give you a rose

instead. What a gent you are. you are on the website, you may

have noticed the voting is open for one of the most prestigious events

in the children's calendar, the children's BAFTAS and the CBBC

website, including all these little bits like the Blue Peter website,

is up for an award, so get voting please. Halloween is round the

corner and I bet you are going to parties or trick or treating so you

will need an outfit and some inspiration. I used to like making

Halloween costumes. No kidding, you know all about them. That's a

pumpkin. Fantastic costume. Yes, it is. The trouble I had, I had a row

tar inside to keep the pumpkin inflated and it got carried away to

my face. You were pumping in it. am a lady! We have invited Verity

Treadwell, a top make-up artist into the studio. Verity, do your

stuff. Barney, let's go and see her. You don't need make-up.

No-one told me about the lightning. That was scary. Can't believe you

are scared of that when Quincy is stood there. Welcome to the show.

Verity, you are effectively the Head of Stairy make-up, that's your

title? Yes. What sort of stuff do you do? I'm responsible for

designing and applying the make-up to the scary actors at the London

Dungeon. This is your handiwork. He's a funny character. Talk us

through what we can see here? was for Halloween. That's one of

the witch faces, lots of scabs and cuts. That's a ghost of a little

girl, dark circles under the eyes. This is one of our plague faces,

really nasty, again a plague face with cuts and scabs all over his

hands. Pretty disgusting stuff. Pretty much what we can see in the

studio in front of us, isn't it? Don't call him disgusting. In a

nice kind of way. Cute. We have got a plague face, yes? Yes, this is

the plague face. Lots of boils, cuts, scab, they're all over his

face, general disgusting stuff. spots are falling off. That's

gross! Leprosy as well! Quite a lot of detail on there,

even his teeth have been blackened. How long does it take to make this

look? Around 15 minutes to do this look. During Halloween, we are

really busy and I might have to do about 30 actors a day, all their

faces. So yes, it's really busy for 30 act tors. You have been working

on some of our guests. So Quincy, if you wouldn't mind. Very excited.

Josh, take a seat. -- actors. Obviously, you've done something to

Josh's arm, but this will will part of a bigger outfit. On Halloween,

what would you be? Part wear wolf, part human.

On your human part, you've got a cut? When you're bitten, you become

a vampire, when you are bitten by a wear wolf, you become a wear wolf.

Contain the information, Verity, what have you done? You've got to

add all the bits, cuts and scars and stuff. They're easy to do.

Normal face paint. I've painted a big block of red on there and then

I've got my brush and I've gone over with the darker colour and

then gone down the middle with an even darker colour. Now I'm just

adding fake blood on top of it to give it that fresh cut look. Where

do you get fake blood from? From most supermarkets now. If you can't

get to the supermarket, you can make your on. Get some normal

treacle or syrup and add food colouring into it. That's an easy

way to make fake blood. What about tomato sauce? You can use that.

would go crusty like a scab. What sort of butties do you eat? So you

are layering it aren't you, putting lots of layers on? Yes, it's really

important that you are careful when you are awe pliing it. Get lots of

practise and get mum and dad to help you -- applying it. The more

you do, the better you will get. Josh, part wear wolf, part human,

come over here. Quincy, if you bring in our next person. That is

cool! Right, Lauren, what would you be on Halloween? A zombie.

A zombie. So we have started your costume with a bruise around the

eye. Talk us through what you have done, Verity? Yes, bruises are

really great and easy to do at home. Basically, you need to start off

with lots of different colours, look at how old you want the bruise

to look. This is quite a fresh one, so we've done some yellly round the

edges, gone in with some red and a bit of blue, just using a normal

sponge to dab it on, being really careful blending out the edges. Now

I'm going over again with some fake blood to give it that scabby look.

So you have used blue and yellow. I suppose you see that in a bruise,

don't you, maybe a bit of green? Yes, there are lots of colours in a

brew. The older they are, they tend to be more yellow, green and brown.

But this is a fresh one with red and blue in it. You don't have to

be an artist to do this, do you? Not at all, it's easy to do. Have a

look at bruises on the Internet and just go ahead. Blending using a

sponge to put the colours on and lots of practise. Lauren, do you

want to come over here and join us. Quincy, next?! Come, come. Last

one! Hi, Jamie, how you doing. You have been working on Jamie for a

while? Yes, I wanted him to look like an old ghosty character that

we have. First of all, I started off with a white face paint to give

him that pail look. I've shaded in down his cheek bones and his eyes.

I got him to screw up his face for me and then, where the lines are,

just go over with a darker colour and that gives you that really old

look. It's surprising how effective that can be. While you have been

doing that, Jamie has aged a year. It's his birthday, so that's why.

Happy birthday. Thanks for celebrating it with us. You look a

million dollars mate. If you can't get hold of face paint, could you

use anything else? For a ghost, use taling or flour and you can get

that dusty old look -- talc. How do you feel about your face at the

minute? Really good. Would you recommend that Barney has a go?

Barney... Sit, sit. I'm coming. I love how

Jamie took a wide berth around Quincy there. Right, from some

creepy characters to a stable of entirely different beasts, I headed

down to Chester Zoo to meet some very pampered animals. I cooked for

them, slaved for them b not all of them were impressed with my

culinary skills. Chester Zoo, home to 7,000 different animals and

almost 450 different species. From some of the smallest, to the

tallest. They each have their own meals created by zoo nutritionist,

Dr Andrea Fidget. She spent nine years putting it all together in a

giant recipe book. A lot of your job is making sure

animals eat the right things, but things that are good for you aren't

always necessarily tasty are they? How do you make them eat the things

they should? It's all about thinking about how is the best way

to give this food and presenting it to the animals, so it might be

about presenting it in a ball and flavouring it with fruit juices or,

for example, like the giraffe, presenting the food at a height

they can eat it from. A lot of it is food presentation, like for us

if we were eating. No wonder it's taken nine years. Fruit, vegetables,

boiled eggs, I would eat that. are going to be using these recipes

to make dinner for some unusual guests. Roll titles. Meet today's

party animals, or should I say dinner party animals. Our host

Helen is about to feed four of the fussiest foodies in Chester. She

hasn't got a clue what she's in for. And neither have they!

Helen, you have four dinner guests to impress. Eliza, the great bill,

the red panda and Sid the pig and the Komodo dragon. Your food will

be tested. Straight to the Indian horn bill, loves a diet of fruit

and insects, so Helen's making eggy insect salad with Wigley bits. She

combines tomatoes, apple, banana, papaya, any truet she can find and

chucks it in a bowl. That bag's making a noise. I'm going to look

in it -- any fruit she can find. Can you hear that? Oh, get on with

it! These are ground up injects. Grate that. OK. Egg. Once you start

to stair it up, you get a real whiff of... Dead insect.

It smells a little bit like, if you ever cleaned out a horse. That's

quite enough of that! Hope you are ready. That looks all right. Not

sure about that bit. I wouldn't eat it. Dinner is more than half an

hour late. That is not a happy face and the aim is to get Eliza to eat

it. Sorry you don't like your maggot. We are having a feeding

issue. There you go. We are having a bit of a nightmare here. That's

all right, you have a little poo there. Excusey...

Right. I give up. Please, Eliza, take some more. She literally threw

my food back at me! This is embarrassing. Eight out of ten for

preparation and presentation, but Eliza was sulky about having to

wait, which is why she didn't eat out the bowl. Thex up, the red

panda who spends most of her time up a tree. Eats leaves and bamboo,

but also needs her fibre, so Helen is making pellet panda cake with

fruit garnish. Four scoops of that. They'll like me if I make them big

cakes. Right. I've put too much water in already. There's a panda

cake. No cake I've ever seen. Where's the icing. That-dar.

Tahdar. Dinner time and at least it's on time!

Come on, sweetheart. That's what you do for a cat. This is a panda.

There you go. Come on. Not a good sign. She's retreating into the

tree tops. She's coming down. She's eating it. Haven't seen her eat any

of the panda cake yet. That's because you keep feedinging her

grapes. What about the cake? Shaest so gentle. OK, enough with the

cuteness, score, please. -- She's so gentle. I think for this one,

I'll give Helen a ten out of ten. Nurblly she made panda cakes, doing

something like that for the first time ever was good -- initially.

Persistence and patience won the panda over. You but she only fed

her grapes. Next, the Komodo dragon who carries 50 bacteria. Look away

if you are skwee mish. Three mice. One, two, three. Before

they can go in the blender, they have to be chopped up. Look away...

She's eye-balling me. OK, three chopped up mice, three baby rats..

Helen is mixing mice, rats and pink rats. How much would you have to

pay me to drink that?! artificial colours or press

Conservativetives. Basically I've got to lay this trail before Flora

comes out because I'm covered many bits of this juice now so

apparently there is a chance that the Komodo dragon might mistake me

for food and have a nibble of my arm. And we wouldn't want that.

Helen is laying a trail of the milk shake as an appetiser for the first

course. This is the trail and there is the reward. Two mice at the end.

Two there and one there. Just to break up the trail. Here she comes.

Come on, come on. Yes! She's eaten I think that's a victory. It took

her a while, she wasn't sure whether to go for the main course,

but when she did, she practically inhaled that food. For feeding the

dragon Flora, Helen gets a ten out of ten for bravery and Flora took

her time but she got there in the end. Yes, but the presentation was

rubbish. Finally, meet father of eight, Sid the pig, it's only the

adult males who get the warts. Shame, nice hair though! For Sid,

here is Helen's version of Vichyssois. Pig food to me and you.

Vitamins and minerals all in. Does Sid know it's out of a packet? I'm

sure he can tell. I'm hoping he'll like it.

Interesting serving technique. been not to get bitten. Sound

Some people would consider snatching at your meal. I'm taking

this as a compliment that not only did he like the food, but he is

eating it. He was just hungry. Watch out, Sid's turned nasty.

Look! It will be a ten out of ten for appreciation, but I'll knock a

point out because the table service wasn't up to scratch and Sid had to

grab his plate from Helen. That's harsh. Today I have upped my

culinary skills significantly and Flora, Sid and Lechwai weren't

complaining. Eliza... She'll get over it, give her time to calm down.

Taxi! That bird was really creepy when it eye-balls you. Don't worry

though, someone fed it after I left. Have you been going through

Verity's make-up bag? I don't know if it's the facial expression or

the make-up that I'm more worried about. I would never go through her

bag, how very dare you! But I took some of her top tips on board and

I've aplayed it to my facial area and I'm ready for Halloween, bring

it on. Good. Why wouldn't you. I'm going to sit closer to the dog if

that's all right. We are going to be joined by the stars of Young

Dracula, they have a Halloween- inspired baking treat. You can make

those if you are going to have a Blue Peter bake sale. You may have

heard that going on a theme park ride makes you feel good. I'm sure

your parents, especially your mum, will tell you that eating chocolate