25/10/2011 Blue Peter


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On today's show, Helen cracks a joblg and tries her hand at stand-


up. I become a mass they are chef for the animals at Chester zoofplt


but will they love or loathe the foods I prepare for them -- Chester


Hello. Hello. Take a look at this picture. This is Charlotte with a


cheeky face and this is her joke, what is a vampire's favourite


fruit? I don't know. A neck-tarine. James sent us this. Why did Captain


Hook cross the road? I don't know. To get to the second hand shop!


Because he's got a hook, not a hand. You have been getting involved,


180,000 of you in fact have been getting involved and going online


to the Crack a Joke website. You choose your favourite presenter,


get them to tell you a joke, you decide whether or not you think


it's funny by throwing a custard pie at them if it's not funny.


that away from me. Or a rose if you think it's funny. If you have been


online and played the game, you will know that I'm not on there.


Apparently, the grown-ups upstairs have deemed me not funny enough to


be in that game. So you, I headed to a festival in South East London.


Keep that away from me, Harwood. I wanted you lot to decide if I am


funny. This is going on the floor before it goes on me. No! The CBBC


Crack a Joke website is where you need to go for a laugh. Loads of


familiar faces are there, including Barney. I want to be in it too. So


to help me find my inner funny, James Campbell headed over to the


studio to assess my skills. What do you call a man in a paper suit?


don't know. Russell! As you can see, I've got rather a long way to go.


That's why I've come to the comedy festival to meet James where


hopefully he'll be able to teach me how to be funny. It's not just a


lesson though, I've actually got to perform in front of hundreds of


children. These guys are all up for a laugh and later, they'll be


deciding whether I'm funny enough to make it tonne the site. They've


even come equipped with their own jokes. What's green and pear


shaped? A pear. Knock, knock. there? Interrupting cow.


Interrupting cow... Moo. What goes up but never down? Age.. What do


skeletons say before they have a meal Bonn appetite! Why do they go


to the doctors... Good jokes, but what about the experts. Standing up


in front of people listening to me while being funny. I think the big


difference from doing television is when you are doing TV millions of


people are watching but you can't see them. Here you will be doing a


show in a theatre and there will be 350 people watching. But don't


worry, plenty of time to practise and three top tips for you. One,


keep it as true as you can. Think of stuff that's happened to you.


Tip two, story-telling. Even the smallest joke, even a knock, knock


joke is a little story. As soon as you realise someone's telling a


story and it has a beginning, middle and end, it clicks people in


and they listen more attentively. OK. Move on to step three, the


delivery. How much of that is about confidence? If you are confident,


are people going to think it's funnier? I think so. I think you've


got to be confident and tell the audience that you are going to be


funny. OK. Got that, James. He's up first


and soon has the audience in stitches. What? With its bottom?


Yes, exactly! You put the rope through the cow, through its tummy


and out of its bottom! Anybody here watch Blue Peter? Yeah Yeah....


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, start your clapping, please. Here


goes... A cheer and stamp your feet and go woo for Helen! So, the other


day we are sat in the car, music radio is on, the dog starts giving


it this and I'm thinking how cool is my dog, he's dancing. He's not


dancing, the shoulders go, the tummy goes and he lets out the


biggest amount of sick I have ever seen. Anybody ever Doug a snow


hole? Do not go in first because you can't get out. Do you know what,


these guys said to me if it all goes wrong and they don't laugh,


shout a funny word. Knickers! I don't like it out there! It's awful.


I think I'm being funny and they don't say anything.


It's up to the audience now. Everyone needs to vote whether I'm


funny or not. A rose for yes, a custard pie for no. So, ladies and


gentlemen, hold up your votes. There's got to be more roses there


than there are pies. I think that's about 80% roses, 0% custard pies


which mean, Helen, you are a success! I was not expecting that!


Thank goodness, I've made it into the game. I thought Helen's


performance was fabulous, really funny. I thought it was really


funny about the dog being sick. was brilliant! I think she was very


good. I am so relieved that that is over! I have a new found respect


for anybody who can perform on stage. Yes, I am delighted I've


made it into the game, but I'm not celebrating. I'm just glad this is


done! I think it might be the sympathy


vote. Worthy of a round of applause. Helen Skelton's made it on to the


Crack a Joke website! Got to be the hashedest job on the


planet and you made it look so easy -- hardest. Here right now we don't


know if you are laughing, but there you can see the audience. If you


feel like a laugh, you can tell Helen to tell you some jokes. What


do you call a tree with a croaky voice? A horse chestnut. Not the


best joke for an example really. Do I want to throw roses or a custard


pie? Custard pie... Custard pie... I'm going to give you a rose


instead. What a gent you are. you are on the website, you may


have noticed the voting is open for one of the most prestigious events


in the children's calendar, the children's BAFTAS and the CBBC


website, including all these little bits like the Blue Peter website,


is up for an award, so get voting please. Halloween is round the


corner and I bet you are going to parties or trick or treating so you


will need an outfit and some inspiration. I used to like making


Halloween costumes. No kidding, you know all about them. That's a


pumpkin. Fantastic costume. Yes, it is. The trouble I had, I had a row


tar inside to keep the pumpkin inflated and it got carried away to


my face. You were pumping in it. am a lady! We have invited Verity


Treadwell, a top make-up artist into the studio. Verity, do your


stuff. Barney, let's go and see her. You don't need make-up.


No-one told me about the lightning. That was scary. Can't believe you


are scared of that when Quincy is stood there. Welcome to the show.


Verity, you are effectively the Head of Stairy make-up, that's your


title? Yes. What sort of stuff do you do? I'm responsible for


designing and applying the make-up to the scary actors at the London


Dungeon. This is your handiwork. He's a funny character. Talk us


through what we can see here? was for Halloween. That's one of


the witch faces, lots of scabs and cuts. That's a ghost of a little


girl, dark circles under the eyes. This is one of our plague faces,


really nasty, again a plague face with cuts and scabs all over his


hands. Pretty disgusting stuff. Pretty much what we can see in the


studio in front of us, isn't it? Don't call him disgusting. In a


nice kind of way. Cute. We have got a plague face, yes? Yes, this is


the plague face. Lots of boils, cuts, scab, they're all over his


face, general disgusting stuff. spots are falling off. That's


gross! Leprosy as well! Quite a lot of detail on there,


even his teeth have been blackened. How long does it take to make this


look? Around 15 minutes to do this look. During Halloween, we are


really busy and I might have to do about 30 actors a day, all their


faces. So yes, it's really busy for 30 act tors. You have been working


on some of our guests. So Quincy, if you wouldn't mind. Very excited.


Josh, take a seat. -- actors. Obviously, you've done something to


Josh's arm, but this will will part of a bigger outfit. On Halloween,


what would you be? Part wear wolf, part human.


On your human part, you've got a cut? When you're bitten, you become


a vampire, when you are bitten by a wear wolf, you become a wear wolf.


Contain the information, Verity, what have you done? You've got to


add all the bits, cuts and scars and stuff. They're easy to do.


Normal face paint. I've painted a big block of red on there and then


I've got my brush and I've gone over with the darker colour and


then gone down the middle with an even darker colour. Now I'm just


adding fake blood on top of it to give it that fresh cut look. Where


do you get fake blood from? From most supermarkets now. If you can't


get to the supermarket, you can make your on. Get some normal


treacle or syrup and add food colouring into it. That's an easy


way to make fake blood. What about tomato sauce? You can use that.


would go crusty like a scab. What sort of butties do you eat? So you


are layering it aren't you, putting lots of layers on? Yes, it's really


important that you are careful when you are awe pliing it. Get lots of


practise and get mum and dad to help you -- applying it. The more


you do, the better you will get. Josh, part wear wolf, part human,


come over here. Quincy, if you bring in our next person. That is


cool! Right, Lauren, what would you be on Halloween? A zombie.


A zombie. So we have started your costume with a bruise around the


eye. Talk us through what you have done, Verity? Yes, bruises are


really great and easy to do at home. Basically, you need to start off


with lots of different colours, look at how old you want the bruise


to look. This is quite a fresh one, so we've done some yellly round the


edges, gone in with some red and a bit of blue, just using a normal


sponge to dab it on, being really careful blending out the edges. Now


I'm going over again with some fake blood to give it that scabby look.


So you have used blue and yellow. I suppose you see that in a bruise,


don't you, maybe a bit of green? Yes, there are lots of colours in a


brew. The older they are, they tend to be more yellow, green and brown.


But this is a fresh one with red and blue in it. You don't have to


be an artist to do this, do you? Not at all, it's easy to do. Have a


look at bruises on the Internet and just go ahead. Blending using a


sponge to put the colours on and lots of practise. Lauren, do you


want to come over here and join us. Quincy, next?! Come, come. Last


one! Hi, Jamie, how you doing. You have been working on Jamie for a


while? Yes, I wanted him to look like an old ghosty character that


we have. First of all, I started off with a white face paint to give


him that pail look. I've shaded in down his cheek bones and his eyes.


I got him to screw up his face for me and then, where the lines are,


just go over with a darker colour and that gives you that really old


look. It's surprising how effective that can be. While you have been


doing that, Jamie has aged a year. It's his birthday, so that's why.


Happy birthday. Thanks for celebrating it with us. You look a


million dollars mate. If you can't get hold of face paint, could you


use anything else? For a ghost, use taling or flour and you can get


that dusty old look -- talc. How do you feel about your face at the


minute? Really good. Would you recommend that Barney has a go?


Barney... Sit, sit. I'm coming. I love how


Jamie took a wide berth around Quincy there. Right, from some


creepy characters to a stable of entirely different beasts, I headed


down to Chester Zoo to meet some very pampered animals. I cooked for


them, slaved for them b not all of them were impressed with my


culinary skills. Chester Zoo, home to 7,000 different animals and


almost 450 different species. From some of the smallest, to the


tallest. They each have their own meals created by zoo nutritionist,


Dr Andrea Fidget. She spent nine years putting it all together in a


giant recipe book. A lot of your job is making sure


animals eat the right things, but things that are good for you aren't


always necessarily tasty are they? How do you make them eat the things


they should? It's all about thinking about how is the best way


to give this food and presenting it to the animals, so it might be


about presenting it in a ball and flavouring it with fruit juices or,


for example, like the giraffe, presenting the food at a height


they can eat it from. A lot of it is food presentation, like for us


if we were eating. No wonder it's taken nine years. Fruit, vegetables,


boiled eggs, I would eat that. are going to be using these recipes


to make dinner for some unusual guests. Roll titles. Meet today's


party animals, or should I say dinner party animals. Our host


Helen is about to feed four of the fussiest foodies in Chester. She


hasn't got a clue what she's in for. And neither have they!


Helen, you have four dinner guests to impress. Eliza, the great bill,


the red panda and Sid the pig and the Komodo dragon. Your food will


be tested. Straight to the Indian horn bill, loves a diet of fruit


and insects, so Helen's making eggy insect salad with Wigley bits. She


combines tomatoes, apple, banana, papaya, any truet she can find and


chucks it in a bowl. That bag's making a noise. I'm going to look


in it -- any fruit she can find. Can you hear that? Oh, get on with


it! These are ground up injects. Grate that. OK. Egg. Once you start


to stair it up, you get a real whiff of... Dead insect.


It smells a little bit like, if you ever cleaned out a horse. That's


quite enough of that! Hope you are ready. That looks all right. Not


sure about that bit. I wouldn't eat it. Dinner is more than half an


hour late. That is not a happy face and the aim is to get Eliza to eat


it. Sorry you don't like your maggot. We are having a feeding


issue. There you go. We are having a bit of a nightmare here. That's


all right, you have a little poo there. Excusey...


Right. I give up. Please, Eliza, take some more. She literally threw


my food back at me! This is embarrassing. Eight out of ten for


preparation and presentation, but Eliza was sulky about having to


wait, which is why she didn't eat out the bowl. Thex up, the red


panda who spends most of her time up a tree. Eats leaves and bamboo,


but also needs her fibre, so Helen is making pellet panda cake with


fruit garnish. Four scoops of that. They'll like me if I make them big


cakes. Right. I've put too much water in already. There's a panda


cake. No cake I've ever seen. Where's the icing. That-dar.


Tahdar. Dinner time and at least it's on time!


Come on, sweetheart. That's what you do for a cat. This is a panda.


There you go. Come on. Not a good sign. She's retreating into the


tree tops. She's coming down. She's eating it. Haven't seen her eat any


of the panda cake yet. That's because you keep feedinging her


grapes. What about the cake? Shaest so gentle. OK, enough with the


cuteness, score, please. -- She's so gentle. I think for this one,


I'll give Helen a ten out of ten. Nurblly she made panda cakes, doing


something like that for the first time ever was good -- initially.


Persistence and patience won the panda over. You but she only fed


her grapes. Next, the Komodo dragon who carries 50 bacteria. Look away


if you are skwee mish. Three mice. One, two, three. Before


they can go in the blender, they have to be chopped up. Look away...


She's eye-balling me. OK, three chopped up mice, three baby rats..


Helen is mixing mice, rats and pink rats. How much would you have to


pay me to drink that?! artificial colours or press


Conservativetives. Basically I've got to lay this trail before Flora


comes out because I'm covered many bits of this juice now so


apparently there is a chance that the Komodo dragon might mistake me


for food and have a nibble of my arm. And we wouldn't want that.


Helen is laying a trail of the milk shake as an appetiser for the first


course. This is the trail and there is the reward. Two mice at the end.


Two there and one there. Just to break up the trail. Here she comes.


Come on, come on. Yes! She's eaten I think that's a victory. It took


her a while, she wasn't sure whether to go for the main course,


but when she did, she practically inhaled that food. For feeding the


dragon Flora, Helen gets a ten out of ten for bravery and Flora took


her time but she got there in the end. Yes, but the presentation was


rubbish. Finally, meet father of eight, Sid the pig, it's only the


adult males who get the warts. Shame, nice hair though! For Sid,


here is Helen's version of Vichyssois. Pig food to me and you.


Vitamins and minerals all in. Does Sid know it's out of a packet? I'm


sure he can tell. I'm hoping he'll like it.


Interesting serving technique. been not to get bitten. Sound


Some people would consider snatching at your meal. I'm taking


this as a compliment that not only did he like the food, but he is


eating it. He was just hungry. Watch out, Sid's turned nasty.


Look! It will be a ten out of ten for appreciation, but I'll knock a


point out because the table service wasn't up to scratch and Sid had to


grab his plate from Helen. That's harsh. Today I have upped my


culinary skills significantly and Flora, Sid and Lechwai weren't


complaining. Eliza... She'll get over it, give her time to calm down.


Taxi! That bird was really creepy when it eye-balls you. Don't worry


though, someone fed it after I left. Have you been going through


Verity's make-up bag? I don't know if it's the facial expression or


the make-up that I'm more worried about. I would never go through her


bag, how very dare you! But I took some of her top tips on board and


I've aplayed it to my facial area and I'm ready for Halloween, bring


it on. Good. Why wouldn't you. I'm going to sit closer to the dog if


that's all right. We are going to be joined by the stars of Young


Dracula, they have a Halloween- inspired baking treat. You can make


those if you are going to have a Blue Peter bake sale. You may have


heard that going on a theme park ride makes you feel good. I'm sure


your parents, especially your mum, will tell you that eating chocolate


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