Hair Today Bottersnikes & Gumbles


Hair Today

Animated series. After listening to Tink, Bounce and Happi show off about the things they've stolen from Snikes, Willi decides to get something of his own.


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Transcript


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Who wants to know what this is?

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-We know already.

-This is a wart from King Snike's bottom, got by me.

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Tink, showing off isn't brave or clever,

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except when you've done something really brave,

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like snatching this trumpet from the top of the highest junk peak ever.

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PLAYS BRIEF TUNE

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True, but it's not a wart, now, is it?

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-Trumpet!

-Wart!

-Trumpet!

-Wart!

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You two - collecting trophies is far too dangerous

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and not worth arguing about,

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because neither of those are as good as my snike burp in a jar!

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-Trumpet!

-Wart!

-Snike burp!

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-WILLI WHIMPERS

-Trumpet!

-Burp!

-Wart!

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Will everyone just stop showing off their trophies?

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-Wart!

-Trumpet!

-Snike burp!

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Hmm.

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That way. More!

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Isn't mirror holder a gumble job, Your Odiousness?

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Shut up! Higher.

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Something's wrong.

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Oh! I'm too clean!

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Clear the area of snikes and arrange me a grime bath immediately.

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-Of course, Your Sliminess.

-No, don't stand!

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Go like that so I can laugh at you.

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You look so stupid! Ha-ha-ha!

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-Wart!

-Trumpet!

-Burp in a jar!

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-Will you all just stop now?

-Your time will come, Willi.

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You can't expect to have a trophy at your age.

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Happi's right. You're a bit too young.

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-Little fella!

-So cute!

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-Wart.

-Burp in a jar.

-Trumpet.

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-Trumpet!

-Oh, yeah?

-Wart!

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Ah!

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# ..Covered in filth, muck and ooze,

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# Cos I'm rancid and vile and I honk and I stink. #

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HE SNIFFS

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# I'm the best king ever, I think,

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# Cos I'm rancid and vile and I honk and I stink. #

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Can't be this easy, can it?

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Who's there?

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-Ow! Ow!

-Oh!

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Huh?

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Oh! Oh!

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What the butt?

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GROWLS

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I look beautiful!

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The most stupendous snike who ever walked the junkyard!

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-Mm.

-Hm?

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Huh? You!

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-You're a gumble!

-There's a very good reason for this.

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-Except I don't know it yet.

-I don't care, you rubbery grub-guzzler!

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With hair like you, I'm a triumph!

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So stay here. Stay hair. Behave.

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-Wart.

-Trumpet.

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-YAWNING:

-Burp in a...

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Where's Willi?

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Willi!

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-Willi!

-Willi!

-Willi!

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There we go.

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LOUD BANGING BOTH SCREAM

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GRUNTING AND SNARLING

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-BOTH:

-Oh!

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Oh, hello!

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King got hair!

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Is that a gumble?

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Shut up! No, it's not a gumble!

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And if anyone ever says that again, I shall sit on their head!

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Understood?

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-Er...

-Uh-huh, uh-huh.

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Chenk right! It is gumble!

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-Grr!

-Argh!

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Your new-look no-gumble-haired king needs to finish his bath,

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so all of you, clear off!

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No escaping, understand?

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No, no, 'course not!

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-Wah!

-This "hair gel" should keep you in place. Ha!

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And this can go out of reach of squidgy little prying hands.

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Ah!

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SNORING

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STRAINING

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What's he doing?

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Great news - we're here!

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Come on! Let's get out of here!

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What are you doing?

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Uh-uh.

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Ah!

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GULPS

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Ah!

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Huh?

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STRAINING

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What? Give me that!

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Got you!

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You'll do.

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Trying to steal my crown again?

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To the spangler with you!

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Wait! If you stretch me, I'll be no good as hair.

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You need punishing, but I also want hair.

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Punishment or hair?

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Here tomorrow, spang tomorrow.

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Ah!

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Plan. Need a plan.

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Huh! I got me a plan!

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Ah! Mm!

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Totally stylish, Your Sireness.

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Ah!

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Er, yeah, it's good hair. Yeah.

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Nearly the best in Snike Hill.

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Yes!

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Wait, what?!

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Chank! Take that gumble off your head!

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Er, the what, Your Frightfulness?

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Are you suggesting a snike would wear a gumble as a wig?

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Yes! No! I...

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-Oh, of course not.

-Quite right.

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This is all my own hair and I'm very proud of it.

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Oh.

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Hooray!

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Oh! Good gusting!

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Run! Now!

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CHANK SIGHS

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-What?!

-Oh!

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Tremendous!

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Quiffilicious!

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Argh!

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Buzzing!

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Fantastic!

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-Ooh!

-Amazing!

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-Can't go on.

-We'll run for it.

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KING SNARLS

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-Ow!

-Oh, come on!

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Groovy!

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-Ready?

-Er...

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Now!

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-Oh!

-Willi!

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What? Chank's hair was a gumble all along?

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Huh? Didn't we already know that?

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-ALL:

-Shh!

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Hmm. A gumble making Chank look stupid and embarrassing.

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This will not go unpunished.

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To the spangler!

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Ow! Ow!

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No. No, stop!

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Astonishment! The king's hair was also a gumble!

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Oh! But I thought...

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Oh, no, I'll go now.

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My hair was a gumble?

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Oh, damn their cunning trickery!

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Not Tink. Spang me instead!

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Who should I spang - this one, or this one?

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This one? Yes! No.

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-This one. This one.

-No!

-And then this one. I'm a genius.

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-Splendid beard! New?

-Yeah, trying it out.

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I've always favoured the goatee.

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Load 'em up!

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-Huh?

-Hmm.

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Now!

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ALL YELLING

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Go, go, go!

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I'm sorry I dragged you all into this.

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Well, it all worked out in the end,

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apart from you not having a trophy, unlike me with my burp in a jar!

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-Trumpet!

-Wart!

-Burp in a...

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I'm thinking this beats them all.

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Snikes, attack!

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Bad idea?

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After listening to Tink, Bounce and Happi show off about the things they've stolen from Snikes, Willi decides to get something of his own. But when he is caught by the king and used as a hairpiece, Tink herself has to pose as a hairpiece for Chank in order to rescue him.


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