Super Heroes-Super Zeroes ChuckleVision


Super Heroes-Super Zeroes

The comic antics of accident-prone brothers. Paul sets up a convention for a film superhero, but the fans aren't happy when he books the wrong star.


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# Ch-ch-chuckleVision

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# Ch-ch-chuckleVision Ch-chuckleVision

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# Ch-ch-chuckleVision. #

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SNORING

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-What are you doing?

-Recharging me batteries.

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-So was I!

-You're not plugged in.

-What are you watching?

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-The new Beetleman film.

-Rubbish!

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-I'm in his fan club.

-Bet you're the only one.

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There's 200,000 of us. There's a convention next month. Shall we go?

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-We shall not!

-It's only £10.

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Only ten quid? If you think I'm gonna...

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Hang on. Hang on a minute. Only ten quid?

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200,000 members. If only half of them came, that'd be...ooh...

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-What?

-A lot of money. I think it's time

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-we got into the convention business.

-Give me my laptop back.

-Here you go.

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I've posted an advert. We're gonna hold our own Beetleman convention.

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Oh, no! You know nothing about Beetleman.

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-Where are you going?

-I've got posters to organise,

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quizzes, autograph sessions, stuff to sell... Busy, busy!

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-Paul!

-Go away! I'm busy.

-What with?

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-Ow!

-Ha-ha! What do you think?

-What is it?

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-Beetleman.

-It isn't.

-What do you mean?

-It's nothing like Beetleman.

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-Looks like a woodlouse.

-He's in disguise.

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Right. Only to protect the Beetleman legend and myself from shame, mind,

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-I'll give you the benefit of my experience.

-Will you, indeed?

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Yes.

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How's the organising going? You'll need a star. He might be expensive,

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-but the fans will expect his super move.

-Super move?

-Yeah, that one.

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He did it in Beetleman 3.

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Yes, of course(!) Anyway, I've already booked our Beetleman star.

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-And I've got a hall for free.

-Have you?

-Yes.

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-One problem.

-What?

-Merchandising. We'll need Beetleman stuff to sell.

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No way! Never! No chance!

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Oh, yes. I totally understand we're not paying for the room.

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But this convention will do wonders for your hotel.

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Did I tell you the mayor will be coming, along with the mayoress?

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No extra charge to you. Because, um...

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-And it's possible that a member of the Royal Family could be here.

-Oh!

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Sorry. Bit of trouble with me orbit.

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So our little gathering

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-could see your hotel hosting a royal wedding in the future.

-I see.

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Hey - what do you think? One free room. Not bad, eh?

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-You lied, then.

-Um... Nice costume.

-Do you like it?

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-What's in the belt?

-Loads of stuff. A Beetleman comic.

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A Beetleman earpiece.

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A sherbet dab.

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-Sherbet dab?!

-Well, superheroes get peckish, you know.

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-And look at this - ho-ho! A Beetleman Super Zapper.

-Toys!

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No...!

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-Oh!

-Oh, dear!

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Well, we've got lots to do before our celebrity guest arrives.

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-It's very nice.

-It is.

-Only one thing's missing.

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-What?

-Our Beetleman superstar.

-Don't worry.

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-I've flown him from America.

-He doesn't fly - he back-flips.

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-Then he'll be wet when he gets here!

-Look out - people are arriving.

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Welcome to the best Beetleman convention ever.

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What he's trying to say is, "Eek! Wheee! Drrrr!"

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Thank you.

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-What was that all about?

-Beetleman greeting.

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-Can I have a go?

-If you want.

-Eek! Wheee! Drrrr!

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-Get off!

-Is it something I said?

-I don't think so.

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-It's what you've done.

-I

-run all the Beetleman conventions.

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-You're nicking my business.

-Competition never hurt anybody.

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We'll see. I'm going to ruin you.

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-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah!

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-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah!

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This had better be good! Come on.

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Don't think he likes you.

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-'Scuse me, you haven't seen Beetleman, have you?

-That's me.

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-Eh? Are you sure?

-Yeah. What other superhero has this profile?

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-Oh, dear.

-OLD dear, more like.

-Barry, a word.

-Have a nice sit down.

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-Thank you, son.

-There. Won't be a minute.

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-This isn't the man I booked.

-Are you sure?

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Positive. I booked a superhero. It cost me an arm and a leg.

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-What are you doing?

-Checking your extremities.

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I've been diddled. I'm gonna have it out with him. Excuse me, sir.

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-Excuse me, sir. Oi!

-Paul!

-Wake up!

-Paul!

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-He IS Beetleman.

-He's not.

-He was the first actor to play Beetleman.

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-This comic was printed in 1957. He's on the front cover.

-1957?

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-How many Beetlemen have there been? I blame you.

-It's not my fault.

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He's too old to do any super moves.

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-Doing anything'll be a job for him.

-CHANTING: Beetleman! Beetleman!

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-No time to worry now - we've got to set up an autograph session.

-How?

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He can't lift an arm, never mind a pen.

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ALL: Beetleman! Beetleman! Beetleman! Beetleman!

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-One, two. One, two.

-He can count(!) Three, four!

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Er...ladies and Beetlemen, it's now time for the autograph session.

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Please make your way forward, one at a time.

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-Is he OK?

-Yes. He's just focusing ready for the Beetle Move later.

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Is he, indeed? I'd like to ask him something.

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Not till the question and answer session later. Ladies and gentlemen,

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over at the Beetleman stand you'll find something of great interest.

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Did you see that? That was the first Beetle comic every printed.

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It's just what I need to complete my collection. It's worth a fortune.

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-I'll go and sell some stuff.

-What shall I do with him?

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-Tuck him up in bed somewhere.

-If you say so.

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Ladies and Beetlemen, the stand is open for business.

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-Don't all rush(!)

-There's nothing here we haven't seen before.

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-Something must take your fancy.

-Come here.

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-One thing might be of interest to me.

-Really?

-That old, tatty comic.

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I may be able to got to, say...£30.

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-But only because I like you.

-I'm sure we can come to an arrangement.

-No!

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-It's mine!

-Hey! Just a minute.

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-It's not for sale.

-I need every penny I can get, thanks to him.

-No.

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I'm giving it to him as a souvenir of his visit. That's my last word.

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-It's time for the question session. Get ready.

-For what?

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-To answer questions. He can't.

-Nor can I. Beetleman's bigger than me.

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-Somebody might notice.

-Well, who CAN do it?

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-You.

-Me?! What if I get a question I can't answer?

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-That could be about anything.

-About Beetleman!

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Tell you what - use my Beetleman earpiece.

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If you get stuck on anything, I'll give you the answer.

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-Do you think it'll work?

-It's got new batteries.

-No... Oh, forget it!

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-Come on.

-Remember the accent.

-I'm not daft.

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Get ready. I'm gonna have that comic, no matter what it takes!

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Welcome to...

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Welcome to the Beetleman question and answer session. I thank you.

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APPLAUSE

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-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Good afternoon.

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If you've any questions about my life as a superhero, please ask.

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-But not just yet.

-OK.

-Yes, that'll be fine.

-Could you remind me...

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BUZZING ..who was Beetleman's female adversary in Beetleman 4?

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-Um...

-Bumblebee.

-Bumblebee.

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-No, it wasn't.

-Bumble Beatrice, then.

-Wrong again. You don't know, do you?

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-Earwig Girl.

-Earwig Girl.

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I got the wrong insect for a while. Any more questions?

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-Where is the first ever Beetleman comic?

-Here.

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-ALL GASP

-That must be worth £40,000!

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£40,000? That man offered me 30 quid!

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Er...Beetleman celebrations, everybody. Brrrr!

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Brrrr!

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-Impostor!

-ALL: It's an impostor!

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After 'em!

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-Come on, Barry. Quick! Quick!

-Right.

-Quick! We'll get 'em!

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Where have they gone? There they go! Quick!

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'Scuse us.

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-Waah!

-Give me that comic!

-Never! To you, Barry.

-To me!

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-To you!

-Mind the wind!

-I can't help it, I'm nervous.

-Oh! To you!

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-To me. To you.

-To me.

-To me.

-To you, then.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

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Hey!

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-Course, I blame you for this.

-It's not my fault. You threw it to him.

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Go on, put it back on me. You're selfish.

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Discuss it later. They're getting away.

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Would you mind signing this for me, please?

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Sure. If it wasn't for my fans, I wouldn't be Beetleman.

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Thank you.

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ALL: We want our money back!

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Bye, fools! And this lot want their money back. Come on.

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Some superhero! You let them escape with the first ever Beetleman comic.

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I was gonna give it to you.

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WHOOSH!

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That nap must've done him a world of good!

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BIFF! POW! BAM!

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THEY CHEER

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Well done! What do you think of that, Barry?

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-Got the wrong man, indeed!

-I stand corrected.

-Give me the comic.

-No!

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It's his. Please accept it with my compliments.

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-You can't give it away!

-Why not? It's mine.

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-Anyway, it was worth it just to see his super move.

-ALL: Yes!

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'Superhero?'

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-Super nothing. Anybody could do it.

-You reckon?

-Yes! Watch.

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-What are you doing?

-You'll see.

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WHOOSH!

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Aaaargh!

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Ooh!

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Keep your hair on!

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Oops!

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Oh!

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You could do with this. It's cold outside.

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-A sherbet dib-dab.

-Sherbet dib-d...?

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-Where's the "dib" come from?

-I like dib-dab.

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-You're selfish.

-Can you...?

-THEY SPEAK GIBBERISH

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