Super Heroes-Super Zeroes ChuckleVision

# Ch-ch-chuckleVision

# Ch-ch-chuckleVision Ch-chuckleVision

# Ch-ch-chuckleVision. #

SNORING

-What are you doing?

-Recharging me batteries.

-So was I!

-You're not plugged in.

-What are you watching?

-The new Beetleman film.

-Rubbish!

-I'm in his fan club.

-Bet you're the only one.

There's 200,000 of us. There's a convention next month. Shall we go?

-We shall not!

-It's only £10.

Only ten quid? If you think I'm gonna...

Hang on. Hang on a minute. Only ten quid?

200,000 members. If only half of them came, that'd be...ooh...

-What?

-A lot of money. I think it's time

-we got into the convention business.

-Give me my laptop back.

-Here you go.

I've posted an advert. We're gonna hold our own Beetleman convention.

Oh, no! You know nothing about Beetleman.

-Where are you going?

-I've got posters to organise,

quizzes, autograph sessions, stuff to sell... Busy, busy!

-Paul!

-Go away! I'm busy.

-What with?

-Ow!

-Ha-ha! What do you think?

-What is it?

-Beetleman.

-It isn't.

-What do you mean?

-It's nothing like Beetleman.

-Looks like a woodlouse.

-He's in disguise.

Right. Only to protect the Beetleman legend and myself from shame, mind,

-I'll give you the benefit of my experience.

-Will you, indeed?

Yes.

How's the organising going? You'll need a star. He might be expensive,

-but the fans will expect his super move.

-Super move?

-Yeah, that one.

He did it in Beetleman 3.

Yes, of course(!) Anyway, I've already booked our Beetleman star.

-And I've got a hall for free.

-Have you?

-Yes.

-One problem.

-What?

-Merchandising. We'll need Beetleman stuff to sell.

No way! Never! No chance!

Oh, yes. I totally understand we're not paying for the room.

But this convention will do wonders for your hotel.

Did I tell you the mayor will be coming, along with the mayoress?

No extra charge to you. Because, um...

-And it's possible that a member of the Royal Family could be here.

-Oh!

Sorry. Bit of trouble with me orbit.

So our little gathering

-could see your hotel hosting a royal wedding in the future.

-I see.

Hey - what do you think? One free room. Not bad, eh?

-You lied, then.

-Um... Nice costume.

-Do you like it?

-What's in the belt?

-Loads of stuff. A Beetleman comic.

A Beetleman earpiece.

A sherbet dab.

-Sherbet dab?!

-Well, superheroes get peckish, you know.

-And look at this - ho-ho! A Beetleman Super Zapper.

-Toys!

No...!

-Oh!

-Oh, dear!

Well, we've got lots to do before our celebrity guest arrives.

-It's very nice.

-It is.

-Only one thing's missing.

-What?

-Our Beetleman superstar.

-Don't worry.

-I've flown him from America.

-He doesn't fly - he back-flips.

-Then he'll be wet when he gets here!

-Look out - people are arriving.

Welcome to the best Beetleman convention ever.

What he's trying to say is, "Eek! Wheee! Drrrr!"

Thank you.

-What was that all about?

-Beetleman greeting.

-Can I have a go?

-If you want.

-Eek! Wheee! Drrrr!

-Get off!

-Is it something I said?

-I don't think so.

-It's what you've done.

-I

-run all the Beetleman conventions.

-You're nicking my business.

-Competition never hurt anybody.

We'll see. I'm going to ruin you.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah!

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah!

This had better be good! Come on.

Don't think he likes you.

-'Scuse me, you haven't seen Beetleman, have you?

-That's me.

-Eh? Are you sure?

-Yeah. What other superhero has this profile?

-Oh, dear.

-OLD dear, more like.

-Barry, a word.

-Have a nice sit down.

-Thank you, son.

-There. Won't be a minute.

-This isn't the man I booked.

-Are you sure?

Positive. I booked a superhero. It cost me an arm and a leg.

-What are you doing?

-Checking your extremities.

I've been diddled. I'm gonna have it out with him. Excuse me, sir.

-Excuse me, sir. Oi!

-Paul!

-Wake up!

-Paul!

-He IS Beetleman.

-He's not.

-He was the first actor to play Beetleman.

-This comic was printed in 1957. He's on the front cover.

-1957?

-How many Beetlemen have there been? I blame you.

-It's not my fault.

He's too old to do any super moves.

-Doing anything'll be a job for him.

-CHANTING: Beetleman! Beetleman!

-No time to worry now - we've got to set up an autograph session.

-How?

He can't lift an arm, never mind a pen.

ALL: Beetleman! Beetleman! Beetleman! Beetleman!

-One, two. One, two.

-He can count(!) Three, four!

Er...ladies and Beetlemen, it's now time for the autograph session.

Please make your way forward, one at a time.

-Is he OK?

-Yes. He's just focusing ready for the Beetle Move later.

Is he, indeed? I'd like to ask him something.

Not till the question and answer session later. Ladies and gentlemen,

over at the Beetleman stand you'll find something of great interest.

Did you see that? That was the first Beetle comic every printed.

It's just what I need to complete my collection. It's worth a fortune.

-I'll go and sell some stuff.

-What shall I do with him?

-Tuck him up in bed somewhere.

-If you say so.

Ladies and Beetlemen, the stand is open for business.

-Don't all rush(!)

-There's nothing here we haven't seen before.

-Something must take your fancy.

-Come here.

-One thing might be of interest to me.

-Really?

-That old, tatty comic.

I may be able to got to, say...£30.

-But only because I like you.

-I'm sure we can come to an arrangement.

-No!

-It's mine!

-Hey! Just a minute.

-It's not for sale.

-I need every penny I can get, thanks to him.

-No.

I'm giving it to him as a souvenir of his visit. That's my last word.

-It's time for the question session. Get ready.

-For what?

-To answer questions. He can't.

-Nor can I. Beetleman's bigger than me.

-Somebody might notice.

-Well, who CAN do it?

-You.

-Me?! What if I get a question I can't answer?

-That could be about anything.

-About Beetleman!

Tell you what - use my Beetleman earpiece.

If you get stuck on anything, I'll give you the answer.

-Do you think it'll work?

-It's got new batteries.

-No... Oh, forget it!

-Come on.

-Remember the accent.

-I'm not daft.

Get ready. I'm gonna have that comic, no matter what it takes!

Welcome to...

Welcome to the Beetleman question and answer session. I thank you.

APPLAUSE

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-Good afternoon.

If you've any questions about my life as a superhero, please ask.

-But not just yet.

-OK.

-Yes, that'll be fine.

-Could you remind me...

BUZZING ..who was Beetleman's female adversary in Beetleman 4?

-Um...

-Bumblebee.

-Bumblebee.

-No, it wasn't.

-Bumble Beatrice, then.

-Wrong again. You don't know, do you?

-Earwig Girl.

-Earwig Girl.

I got the wrong insect for a while. Any more questions?

-Where is the first ever Beetleman comic?

-Here.

-ALL GASP

-That must be worth £40,000!

£40,000? That man offered me 30 quid!

Er...Beetleman celebrations, everybody. Brrrr!

Brrrr!

-Impostor!

-ALL: It's an impostor!

After 'em!

-Come on, Barry. Quick! Quick!

-Right.

-Quick! We'll get 'em!

Where have they gone? There they go! Quick!

'Scuse us.

-Waah!

-Give me that comic!

-Never! To you, Barry.

-To me!

-To you!

-Mind the wind!

-I can't help it, I'm nervous.

-Oh! To you!

-To me. To you.

-To me.

-To me.

-To you, then.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Hey!

-Course, I blame you for this.

-It's not my fault. You threw it to him.

Go on, put it back on me. You're selfish.

Discuss it later. They're getting away.

Would you mind signing this for me, please?

Sure. If it wasn't for my fans, I wouldn't be Beetleman.

Thank you.

ALL: We want our money back!

Bye, fools! And this lot want their money back. Come on.

Some superhero! You let them escape with the first ever Beetleman comic.

I was gonna give it to you.

WHOOSH!

That nap must've done him a world of good!

BIFF! POW! BAM!

THEY CHEER

Well done! What do you think of that, Barry?

-Got the wrong man, indeed!

-I stand corrected.

-Give me the comic.

-No!

It's his. Please accept it with my compliments.

-You can't give it away!

-Why not? It's mine.

-Anyway, it was worth it just to see his super move.

-ALL: Yes!

'Superhero?'

-Super nothing. Anybody could do it.

-You reckon?

-Yes! Watch.

-What are you doing?

-You'll see.

WHOOSH!

Aaaargh!

Ooh!

Keep your hair on!

Oops!

Oh!

You could do with this. It's cold outside.

-A sherbet dib-dab.

-Sherbet dib-d...?

-Where's the "dib" come from?

-I like dib-dab.

-You're selfish.

-Can you...?

-THEY SPEAK GIBBERISH