Jumping Jackpot ChuckleVision
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Transcript
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# Chuckle, ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision | 0:00:00 | 0:00:02 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVison | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
# Ch-ChuckleVison. # | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
VOICE ON TELEVISION | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
There you go - breakfast. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
Oh, lovely, thanks. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
Eugh! That doesn't taste like my usual multi-grain wheaty-pops! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
I'm not surprised. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
-It's bird seed. -Bird seed! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
Are you trying to turn me into a budgie?! | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
-You'll be giving me worms next! -Huh! Worms! The very idea! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:46 | |
The thing is, we're a bit hard up. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
At this rate I'm going to be losing weight! | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
And another thing - we're all out of biscuits. > | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
Not to worry... | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
I'm not over-keen on biscuits, anyway. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
'Are you the winner of this week's Jumping Jackpot? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
'If so, bring the winning ticket to HQ by 12 noon today. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
-'£50,000 is waiting for you. Watch closely - is this you?' -Look at that! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:24 | |
Some idiot's... Hang on - | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
that's Barry! Barry's won! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
-Barry! Barry! -Yes? | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Er...nothing. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
I've won. I've won £50,000! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
All I need's the ticket. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Two hours to go. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
-I've won! I've won, I've won, I've won! -What did you say? | 0:01:43 | 0:01:47 | |
-A bun, a bun! I need a bun. -Oh. I'll see if there's one in the kitchen. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:52 | |
I must look for it, I must find the ticket. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:55 | |
Must find it! Must find it, must find it! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
You really DO want a bun! | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
More than anything I've ever wanted in all my life. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Where is it? Where is it? | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
-Why don't you have a lie-down? It must be the hunger. -Hang on... | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
-Why am I searching all the cupboards and drawers? YOU'VE got it! -Eh? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:18 | |
-Come here, let's have a look! -What are you doing?! -Come back! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
Come here, you! Right, where have you put it? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
-Where's the ticket? -Ticket? | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
-Eh, cricket...bat. -Cricket bat? I thought you wanted a bun. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
'The winning ticket was bought on Florabel Street last Wednesday...' | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
-Florabel Street? That's where I bought MY ticket! -Barry... | 0:02:38 | 0:02:43 | |
-you know you've always said what's yours is mine? -If you say so. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:47 | |
D'you mind if I have that in writing? | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Hey, I've won! | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
I've won the Jumping Jackpot! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
-Nonsense! -I'm rich! Rich beyond my wildest dreams! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
You're right - we're rich! | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
-Where's the ticket? -Let me think... | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
-I've no idea. -You stupid...! | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
We've wasted quarter of an hour. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
There, that's everything out of the house. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
The only thing left in there MUST be the ticket. Barry, bring it out. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
We're gonna be rich! | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
That's not the ticket! | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
I know. I've had a thought. Whenever I take a library book out, | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
-I use the Jackpot ticket as a bookmark. -Where's your book? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
I took it back to the library. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
There's nothing to worry about. We'll go in the library, | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
find the book, open it up and get the ticket. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
It's 5 to 11. That gives us 1 hour and 5 minutes. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
-What was the book's title? -"Bobby Fandango, Space Detective." -Great. | 0:03:55 | 0:04:00 | |
Or was it, "Seymour Wilson, Underwater Agent"? | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
-What? -Oh, no, it could have been, "Colin Butterworth Jungle Assassin." | 0:04:04 | 0:04:09 | |
Oh, dear, oh, dear! Come on. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
I remember now! | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
-"Matt Flash, Pyschic Spy"! -Ssh! -Sorry. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Spies, spies, spies, | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
spies... There it is! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Somebody's got it! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
I wouldn't read that if I was you. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
I don't want to spoil it for you but...the mermaid's a double agent. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:42 | |
Thanks a lot(!) | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
We're rich! We're rich! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
Eh? It's not there! | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
Oh, dear. It's the wrong book. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
I forgot to tell you. In the Matt Flash series there are 98 volumes. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:57 | |
There's only one thing for it - start shaking. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:01 | |
-Not like that - the books! -Oh. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
Tut-tut! Gentlemen, do you mind? | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
What are we going to do now? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
You don't have to stack the books. We have staff to do that. | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
We're not stacking them - we're taking them out. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
How many books have you got there? | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
One, two, three...98. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
-You can't take out 98 books on one ticket. -How many CAN we take out? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
Five. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
No, the ticket's not here. Let's go and get another five. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:42 | |
-Another five. We're finished with those. -You've read those already? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:50 | |
-We're speed readers. -When I read "Round The World In 80 Days" | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
it only took 40! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
Ow! | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
-Bringing those back. Another five, please. -Ah... | 0:06:00 | 0:06:04 | |
I'm sorry to say, gentlemen, you've reached your weekly quota. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:09 | |
Don't worry, Barry. | 0:06:11 | 0:06:13 | |
Nothing chucks a Stopple... I mean, stops a Chuckle. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
Hello, dear! Me and my friend would like to take out these five books. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:29 | |
-We do like a good spy novel, don't we, Mabel? -Yes, we do, Edna. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:34 | |
So if you wouldn't mind stamping them with your shiny little stamp... | 0:06:34 | 0:06:39 | |
You must think I was born yesterday! Get out of my library | 0:06:39 | 0:06:43 | |
-or I'll call the police. -You can't talk to me like that - I'm 87 and... | 0:06:43 | 0:06:48 | |
-Oh, forget it. Barry, let's go. -No, that's it. The name of the book. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
-"Matt Flash And The Secret Police." -SHE LAUGHS | 0:06:52 | 0:06:57 | |
"Matt Flash And The Secret Police" was taken out not five minutes ago. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:02 | |
Who took it? What did he look like? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Let me think...I've got a dreadful memory, you know. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:09 | |
Come on, tell us, or we'll... we'll mess your paper-clips up! | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
5' 11", dark hair, grey suit. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
That's better. Barry... | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
mess them up, anyway. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
No-o-o-o! | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Can't have gone far. 20 past 11 - 40 minutes to go. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:29 | |
There he is, look! | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
Help! He's being attacked by a wasp! Have you something to swat it with? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:46 | |
Preferably a book. That one will do! | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
Ooh. Barry, are you all right? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
What happened? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:56 | |
-I swatted you with a book. -Are we rich? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
Not exactly, no. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Oh, dear... | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
There he is, look! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
Eh? He's moving house! | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
It might end up in Australia! We'll never get THERE in half an hour! | 0:08:11 | 0:08:15 | |
We've got to get in there. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
Here, follow me. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
-Here, remind me when it's your birthday. -What for? | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
I'll buy you a proper bookmark. Check out the mantelpiece. | 0:08:41 | 0:08:46 | |
-SMASH! -Oh! -What was that? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
-What was what? -Haven't I seen you two somewhere before? | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
Yes, this morning when we started to move your furniture. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:57 | |
Well, I have to be at work at 12. You will be careful, won't you? | 0:08:57 | 0:09:02 | |
There are a lot of valuables in this room. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
Ooh! 25 minutes! | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
Here, check out that box. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
Hang on! What if he's found the ticket and he's put it in a safe? | 0:09:12 | 0:09:16 | |
You're right. Safe, safe... | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
Aah! | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
Some people hide safes behind pictures on walls. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:25 | |
-How d'you know that? -Just a hunch. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Oh, no, it's not there. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
-Oh! -You stupid thing! Look what you've done! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Oh, no! 24 minutes! Gotta find the book! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
Find the book! | 0:09:40 | 0:09:41 | |
-Find the bo... | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
Where's the book? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Eh, I've got it! | 0:09:46 | 0:09:47 | |
-What? -I've got it! | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
-HE SNEEZES: -Atchoo! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
After it! | 0:09:52 | 0:09:54 | |
Have you got it? | 0:09:54 | 0:09:56 | |
It's gone inside. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
That's torn it! What are we gonna do now? | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
I'm not going to let £50,000 go just like that. Follow that sofa! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:20 | |
-Any luck? -Not exactly, no. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
-What d'you mean? -My arm's stuck! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
You what?! | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Oi! | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
-Thanks for the lift. -Here we are, the Jumping Jackpot headquarters. | 0:11:37 | 0:11:42 | |
We're almost there. Three minutes to go. Get this inside | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
-then we can get that ticket out. -Right. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Oh! | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
This is no time to rest! | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
-Sorry! -Find the ticket. And this time don't get stuck. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
It's no use, I can't find it. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Wait here. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
-Ha-ha! -Where did you get that? | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Tool-hire shop next door. Stand back, sparks are going to fly. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:17 | |
Got it! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
Great! 30 seconds to go. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Ring the bell, Barry. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Shop! We've come to collect our 50 grand. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
I can't wait to see his face when he sees us, eh?! | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
-It's HIM! -YOU?! What are YOU doing here? | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
We've come to collect our £50,000. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
Would that be my sofa, by any chance? | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
Possibly. We're very sorry. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
We'll pay for all the damages. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Well, gentlemen, everything seems to be in order so... | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
that's £50,000! | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
Minus, of course, the cost of my sofa... | 0:12:57 | 0:13:01 | |
-Was it expensive, then? -No, the sofa was hardly worth anything. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:06 | |
No, it was the rest of the stuff that was priceless. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
-One Georgian ceramic Pekingese... -Oh, that old rubbish! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:13 | |
-..£10,000. -What?! | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
And an oil painting, "Monkey At Sunset" by Florence Fawcett... | 0:13:16 | 0:13:20 | |
£39,000. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
Leaving you, gentlemen, with... | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
-£1. -£1?! | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
-One measly pound?! -What can you get for a pound? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
Tell you what... | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
you could buy... | 0:13:36 | 0:13:37 | |
another ticket! | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision... # | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
Could have been Colin Ibbitson. ..Nothing like Colin Ibbitson! | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
-He went to school with you. -He did. Could have been Colin Butterworth... | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 |