Jumping Jackpot ChuckleVision


Jumping Jackpot

The comic antics of accident-prone brothers. Paul and Barry win a 50,000-pound jackpot, but Barry cannot recall where the ticket is. They have two hours to find it.


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Transcript


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# Chuckle, ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision

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# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVison

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# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision

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# Ch-ChuckleVison. #

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VOICE ON TELEVISION

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There you go - breakfast.

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Oh, lovely, thanks.

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Eugh! That doesn't taste like my usual multi-grain wheaty-pops!

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I'm not surprised.

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-It's bird seed.

-Bird seed!

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Are you trying to turn me into a budgie?!

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-You'll be giving me worms next!

-Huh! Worms! The very idea!

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The thing is, we're a bit hard up.

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HE CHUCKLES

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At this rate I'm going to be losing weight!

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And another thing - we're all out of biscuits. >

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Not to worry...

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I'm not over-keen on biscuits, anyway.

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'Are you the winner of this week's Jumping Jackpot?

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'If so, bring the winning ticket to HQ by 12 noon today.

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-'£50,000 is waiting for you. Watch closely - is this you?'

-Look at that!

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Some idiot's... Hang on -

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that's Barry! Barry's won!

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-Barry! Barry!

-Yes?

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Er...nothing.

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I've won. I've won £50,000!

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All I need's the ticket.

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Two hours to go.

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-I've won! I've won, I've won, I've won!

-What did you say?

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-A bun, a bun! I need a bun.

-Oh. I'll see if there's one in the kitchen.

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I must look for it, I must find the ticket.

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Must find it! Must find it, must find it!

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You really DO want a bun!

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More than anything I've ever wanted in all my life.

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Where is it? Where is it?

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-Why don't you have a lie-down? It must be the hunger.

-Hang on...

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-Why am I searching all the cupboards and drawers? YOU'VE got it!

-Eh?

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-Come here, let's have a look!

-What are you doing?!

-Come back!

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Come here, you! Right, where have you put it?

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-Where's the ticket?

-Ticket?

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-Eh, cricket...bat.

-Cricket bat? I thought you wanted a bun.

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'The winning ticket was bought on Florabel Street last Wednesday...'

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-Florabel Street? That's where I bought MY ticket!

-Barry...

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-you know you've always said what's yours is mine?

-If you say so.

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D'you mind if I have that in writing?

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Hey, I've won!

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I've won the Jumping Jackpot!

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-Nonsense!

-I'm rich! Rich beyond my wildest dreams!

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You're right - we're rich!

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-Where's the ticket?

-Let me think...

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-I've no idea.

-You stupid...!

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We've wasted quarter of an hour.

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There, that's everything out of the house.

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The only thing left in there MUST be the ticket. Barry, bring it out.

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We're gonna be rich!

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That's not the ticket!

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I know. I've had a thought. Whenever I take a library book out,

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-I use the Jackpot ticket as a bookmark.

-Where's your book?

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I took it back to the library.

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There's nothing to worry about. We'll go in the library,

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find the book, open it up and get the ticket.

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It's 5 to 11. That gives us 1 hour and 5 minutes.

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-What was the book's title?

-"Bobby Fandango, Space Detective."

-Great.

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Or was it, "Seymour Wilson, Underwater Agent"?

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-What?

-Oh, no, it could have been, "Colin Butterworth Jungle Assassin."

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Oh, dear, oh, dear! Come on.

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I remember now!

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-"Matt Flash, Pyschic Spy"!

-Ssh!

-Sorry.

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Spies, spies, spies,

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spies... There it is!

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Somebody's got it!

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I wouldn't read that if I was you.

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I don't want to spoil it for you but...the mermaid's a double agent.

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Thanks a lot(!)

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We're rich! We're rich!

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Eh? It's not there!

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Oh, dear. It's the wrong book.

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I forgot to tell you. In the Matt Flash series there are 98 volumes.

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There's only one thing for it - start shaking.

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-Not like that - the books!

-Oh.

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Tut-tut! Gentlemen, do you mind?

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What are we going to do now?

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You don't have to stack the books. We have staff to do that.

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We're not stacking them - we're taking them out.

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How many books have you got there?

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One, two, three...98.

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-You can't take out 98 books on one ticket.

-How many CAN we take out?

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Five.

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No, the ticket's not here. Let's go and get another five.

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-Another five. We're finished with those.

-You've read those already?

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-We're speed readers.

-When I read "Round The World In 80 Days"

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it only took 40!

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Ow!

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-Bringing those back. Another five, please.

-Ah...

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I'm sorry to say, gentlemen, you've reached your weekly quota.

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Don't worry, Barry.

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Nothing chucks a Stopple... I mean, stops a Chuckle.

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Hello, dear! Me and my friend would like to take out these five books.

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-We do like a good spy novel, don't we, Mabel?

-Yes, we do, Edna.

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So if you wouldn't mind stamping them with your shiny little stamp...

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You must think I was born yesterday! Get out of my library

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-or I'll call the police.

-You can't talk to me like that - I'm 87 and...

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-Oh, forget it. Barry, let's go.

-No, that's it. The name of the book.

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-"Matt Flash And The Secret Police."

-SHE LAUGHS

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"Matt Flash And The Secret Police" was taken out not five minutes ago.

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Who took it? What did he look like?

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Let me think...I've got a dreadful memory, you know.

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Come on, tell us, or we'll... we'll mess your paper-clips up!

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5' 11", dark hair, grey suit.

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That's better. Barry...

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mess them up, anyway.

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No-o-o-o!

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Can't have gone far. 20 past 11 - 40 minutes to go.

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There he is, look!

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Help! He's being attacked by a wasp! Have you something to swat it with?

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Preferably a book. That one will do!

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Ooh. Barry, are you all right?

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What happened?

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-I swatted you with a book.

-Are we rich?

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Not exactly, no.

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Oh, dear...

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There he is, look!

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Eh? He's moving house!

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It might end up in Australia! We'll never get THERE in half an hour!

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We've got to get in there.

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Here, follow me.

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-Here, remind me when it's your birthday.

-What for?

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I'll buy you a proper bookmark. Check out the mantelpiece.

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-SMASH!

-Oh!

-What was that?

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-What was what?

-Haven't I seen you two somewhere before?

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Yes, this morning when we started to move your furniture.

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Well, I have to be at work at 12. You will be careful, won't you?

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There are a lot of valuables in this room.

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Ooh! 25 minutes!

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Here, check out that box.

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Hang on! What if he's found the ticket and he's put it in a safe?

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You're right. Safe, safe...

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Aah!

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Some people hide safes behind pictures on walls.

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-How d'you know that?

-Just a hunch.

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Oh, no, it's not there.

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-Oh!

-You stupid thing! Look what you've done!

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Oh, no! 24 minutes! Gotta find the book!

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Find the book!

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-Find the bo...

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Where's the book?

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Eh, I've got it!

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-What?

-I've got it!

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-HE SNEEZES:

-Atchoo!

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After it!

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Have you got it?

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It's gone inside.

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FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE

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That's torn it! What are we gonna do now?

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I'm not going to let £50,000 go just like that. Follow that sofa!

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-Any luck?

-Not exactly, no.

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-What d'you mean?

-My arm's stuck!

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You what?!

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Oi!

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-Thanks for the lift.

-Here we are, the Jumping Jackpot headquarters.

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We're almost there. Three minutes to go. Get this inside

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-then we can get that ticket out.

-Right.

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Oh!

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This is no time to rest!

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-Sorry!

-Find the ticket. And this time don't get stuck.

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It's no use, I can't find it.

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Wait here.

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-Ha-ha!

-Where did you get that?

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Tool-hire shop next door. Stand back, sparks are going to fly.

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Got it!

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Great! 30 seconds to go.

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Ring the bell, Barry.

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Shop! We've come to collect our 50 grand.

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I can't wait to see his face when he sees us, eh?!

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-It's HIM!

-YOU?! What are YOU doing here?

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We've come to collect our £50,000.

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Would that be my sofa, by any chance?

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Possibly. We're very sorry.

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We'll pay for all the damages.

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Well, gentlemen, everything seems to be in order so...

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that's £50,000!

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Minus, of course, the cost of my sofa...

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-Was it expensive, then?

-No, the sofa was hardly worth anything.

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No, it was the rest of the stuff that was priceless.

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-One Georgian ceramic Pekingese...

-Oh, that old rubbish!

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-..£10,000.

-What?!

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And an oil painting, "Monkey At Sunset" by Florence Fawcett...

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£39,000.

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Leaving you, gentlemen, with...

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-£1.

-£1?!

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-One measly pound?!

-What can you get for a pound?

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Tell you what...

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you could buy...

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another ticket!

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HE LAUGHS

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# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision Ch-ChuckleVision

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# Ch-Ch-ChuckleVision... #

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Could have been Colin Ibbitson. ..Nothing like Colin Ibbitson!

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-He went to school with you.

-He did. Could have been Colin Butterworth...

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