Parents Evening Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High - a school just like yours,

a school like any other.

A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,

most respected members of the teaching profession.

Our cameras filmed for a year to find out what life is really like

for the students and their teachers at this most ordinary of schools.

Welcome to Class Dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's an important day at Dockbridge High.

The second floor toilets have finally been unblocked.

And not only that, it's parents' evening.

But today...

Site Manager Dave is briefing his

-team for what promises to be a busy day.

-So go out there...

Big day. A lot of people coming to see what kind of ship I run here.

And by ship, I mean school. So the place has to be spotless.

And by spotless, I mean clean.

I know one of you has been using the circular floor polisher

-without permission.

-Sorry, Dave.

It's all right, Kev. Just don't let it happen again.

But today is the day - parents' evening.

So go out there and get this school spotless.

Cleaners, present mops!

Parents' evening is the biggest,

if not the only date in Dave's calendar.

Kevin!

Sorry, Dave. It's just so much fun.

Parents' evening is the talk of the playground too.

And as usual, attention has focused on year 8 pupil Mark.

Not just because he's 6'3" but because his mum is a teacher.

She's not my mum!

-OTHERS:

-Mark!

-Oh!

Now, some might find it strange that I teach my own son, Mark.

But I just treat him exactly the same as the other pupils.

It's registration. A kind of exam where the teacher

-tests the pupils to see if they know their own names.

-Yes, miss.

-Nathan.

-Yes, miss.

-And Mark.

Yes, Mum. I mean, miss. She's not my mum!

Now, it's parents' evening tonight and there's definitely one

lucky boy - or girl - with absolutely nothing to worry about.

That's right, it's this week's star pupil.

-Would anyone like to guess who it is?

-Oh, I don't know. Is it Mark?

-It's Mark!

-It's always Mark.

Where are you, Mark?

Mark?

Mark!

Oh, come up here and collect your reward.

-REST OF CLASS CHUCKLES

-Perhaps if you're very lucky,

you'll all have as glowing a report as Mark here.

I can only imagine how proud his mum must be.

She's not my mum.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Later that morning and some of the pupils have volunteered to help

Miss Flip get the art display ready for parents' evening.

Plus, it gets them out from making quiche in Food Technology.

It's important to hang your work, you see, so you get a better idea

of how it might look on display, in a gallery or a museum...

-or a drawer, Martin.

-Thanks, miss.

Ah! Perfect! Look.

Hanging paintings is an art in itself. Do you see?

-Yes, miss. It looks great now that it's finished.

-Finished?

Mmm....yes, it is, it isn't it?

Or is it?

-Hang on, isn't that one a bit skew?

-Looks fine to me, miss.

No, I think... I think this needs just...just...just one more thing!

Ah! Perfect.

But now the others look all wrong, don't they?

-I think they looked fine as they were, miss.

-You're right.

Stand back, everyone.

Artist at work!

Oh, yes! Art.

Yes, marvellous. Wonderful things!

Tape, tape, Martin. That's it, tape.

Ah, there. You see, much better.

Well, class dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Lunchtime - the time when pupils have their lunch.

Eugh, get your food away from me, man. That is gross. That is grim.

I don't want cheese near me, man.

PROKOFIEV'S ROMEO & JULIET PLAYS

Business Studies teacher Mr Windlow had a successful career in business

before he gave it all up for a more rewarding job.

And then gave that up to become a teacher.

-Good afternoon, class.

-STUDENTS:

-Good afternoon, sir.

Right, let's cut to the chase.

I've been going through the books and this operation is going nowhere.

We need to turn this business around.

-Today is a clean slate for... What are you called?

-Year 8, sir.

Rubbish! Year 8, meaningless.

You need something forward thinking and exciting. Advantage.

Thrust. Thrust!

From now on you're no longer year 8, you're Team Thrust.

Let's make it official. Contact the legal department.

-We don't have a legal department.

-We do now.

Welcome to the team, Taj. You're head of legal.

Thanks, sir.

Now, let me ask you all. Are you committed to this process?

-PUPILS:

-Yes, sir.

-How much?

100%.

-110%?

-That's more like it.

-You have the makings of a future project manager.

-Thanks, sir!

Don't get cocky!

Now, if you want my investment,

have your business plan on my desk by the end of the lesson.

And remember, at the close of play...one of you

will be leaving the process.

Let's do business.

As the day draws to an end, final preparations are made

and the pupils return with their parents.

Windlow, education is my business. Windlow. Here's my card.

Jasmine and her mum are waiting to see Sir Stanley Bleacher.

Shh! It's starting.

-MAN:

-Who is this magical creature with such attractive features?

It can only be...

..the drama teacher.

-Prologue. End of scene.

-Oh!

That was an excerpt from my new one-man show, Drama Teacher!

-About a drama teacher. I play the drama teacher.

-It was very good.

I actually have a preview with the local press in about an hour

-so if we can try and make this quick.

-Right.

-Well, I have had a few concerns, actually.

-I know.

I know, I didn't quite deliver on the emotions

but I'm saving my voice for later.

-I was talking about Jasmine.

-Who's Jasmine?

-Me.

-But she isn't even in the play.

-No.

-I want to know how she's doing in class.

-Oh, I see!

Well, let's just say she's no Dame Judi Dench.

Did I ever tell you about the time

that Dame Judi and I were in a taxi together? There we were...

-So Jasmine's not doing well in your class?

-She's rubbish.

-Hey, I'm sitting right here.

-Oh, are you?

I didn't realise because you have such little stage presence.

-Well, I can act better than you.

-Prove it. Play me, Jasmine.

-Play me.

-Fine.

Maybe if we just talk about her exams.

Ooh, I'm Sir Stanley Bleacher and I love acting.

Go on.

Ha-ha-ha! Boo-hoo-hoo!

Now that's acting.

Bravo! Bravo. That's exactly the kind of passion I'm looking for.

Jasmine, I take it all back. You're extraordinarily!

You can play me for the rest of the evening.

Taj's parents are up next. There are the notes.

Emily's dad has come to meet textiles teacher Miss Dior-Durant.

Mrs Beckham, don't argue with me.

-You look like scarecrow at disco. She cry. Ha-ha-ha-ha!.

-Excuse me.

-Excuse me. I'm Emily's dad.

-Sympathies.

-So, is there anything that she should work hard...

-Shh!

Why you wear fancy dress? You go to costume party as concept of boring?

-I've come straight from work.

-Oh, you work as model for clothes

-to be thrown away.

-No, I work in IT.

No, no, no. No talk. You need serious helps.

What is she on about?

And lucky for you I am here to help.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

You need to... Not that.

This is more... This is perfect.

Oh, wunderbar!

Pink is so hot right now.

Taj's mum has heard a lot about Miss Franks and is keen

-to meet her for herself.

-Hi, miss.

-Bonjour, Taj et la mum de Taj.

-Willkommen a parents' evening.

-Bonjour, Mademoiselle Franks.

Ravie de faire votre connaissance. Taj m'a beaucoup parle de vous.

-Your who-do-what now?

-My mum speaks French, miss.

-What do you mean?

-I mean, she's from France.

-France?

Oui, je suis d'un petit village dans les banlieues de Paris.

Ca fait 15 ans qu j'ai vis ici, mais je retourne assez souvent.

C'est un pays si magnifique.

-What's up with her?

-That was French, miss.

-French?

Yeah, I knew that. Oui.

Merci buckets.

-Je voudrais un sandwich au jambon et a fromage.

-Pardon?

Je comprends rien de ce qu'elle dit.

-My mum says she doesn't understand what you're saying, miss.

-Ha!

See? Vous no speaky la French pas, monsieur.

Cette femme est completement idiote?

I said, je voudrais un sandwich avec jambon et fromage.

Que? Gracias.

Vouz voulez un sandwich au jambon et au fromage?

-Uh, oui!

-Tres bien.

Je vais aller vouz chercher un sandwich au jambon et au fromage.

Mais peut-etre qu'apres vous pourriez me dire comment Taj

se debrouille dans votre classe.

Bonjour! Where's she off to?

I think she's gone to get you a ham and cheese sandwich, miss.

Great. I'm starving!

You see, Taj. It's much more effective to talk to people

in their own language.

Parents' evening is well underway

but there's still one teacher who's yet to arrive.

Mark and his mum, Mrs Mark, are ready to hear some honest feedback

from Mark's teacher, Mrs Mark, about Mark's mum's son, Mark.

When you teach your own child,

it's vital to make the experience as normal as possible.

Oh.

Oh, sorry to have kept you waiting, Mrs Mark. Hello, Mark!

Hi, Mum. I mean, miss.

Now, what can we say about Mark?

Well, he can certainly be quite talkative, can't he?

Well, that's Mark for you. Always chatting. Natter, natter, natter.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, yes. But such a nice boy. And a real pleasure to teach.

In fact, here's a credit to your parenting skills.

Oh, how kind of you!

But I'd say it's your teaching abilities that have made Mark

the boy he is today.

Teaching Mark makes teaching a pleasure.

Oh, well done, son.

Ooh!

Yes, well done, Mark.

What a nice lady.

Bye-bye.

As normal as possible.

Hey, Mike. I take it you've just seen the textiles teacher as well.

No.

Right.

Voici votre sandwich au jambon et au fromage.

Peut-etre que vouz pouvez arreter d'en parler maintenant.

Merci buckets.

Mm. Bon appetiser!

As another informative parents' evening draws to a close,

Mr Weed arrives at last.

Uh.

Now, who's first?

# Since you've been gone

# Since you've been gone

# I'm out of my head, can't take it

# Could I be wrong?

# But since you've been gone

# You cast the spell so break it

# Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh... #

SCHOOL BELL RINGS