Valentine's Day Class Dismissed
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Transcript
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|---|---|---|---|
This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
A school like any other. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
A place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest, | 0:00:06 | 0:00:10 | |
most respected members or the teaching profession. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
Our cameras returned for another year to find out | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
what life is really like for the students and their teachers | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
at this most ordinary of schools. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
Welcome to Class Dismissed. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
It's Valentine's day at Dockbridge High, | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
and love is in the air. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Even if it's not reciprocated. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
As usual, year 9 pupil Martin will be delivering the cards... | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
dressed as Cupid. | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Hello, Miss. Happy Valentine's day. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:47 | |
What...is...it? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
It... I mean, HE is Martin, he's in year 9. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
-It's got wings. -Well, yes. Cupid, god of love. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
-Shoo! Shoo! -Here. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
It's coming for us! Waaaaaa! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
With Valentine's day off to a flying start, | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
Cupid, AKA Martin, | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
is on his way to science. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
-Good morning, sir. -Is it? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
-Happy Valentine's day. -Myeh. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
Mr Nasal doesn't believe in Valentine's day, | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
because he's a man of science... | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
and because his girlfriend, Miss Spray, | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
recently split up with him. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
This one's for you. This for you. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
For you. For you. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
For you. Whatever. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
-This one's for you, sir! -Oh! I knew she'd want me back! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
"Your car is parked in a loading bay. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
"If you do not move it within two hours..." Oh, whatever. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
Oh, sir. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
What is it, Martin? Is it another card? | 0:01:49 | 0:01:50 | |
Your car's being towed, sir. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
I think it's parked in a loading bay. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
-TRUCK REVERSES -Ah, me car! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
The next lesson is French, | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
and Miss Franks has the perfect Valentine's day lesson plan. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
OK, class! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:08 | |
Today's scenario is at la restaurant. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
And I've hired a real-life French waiter | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
so we can practice ordering en frenchy. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
-En francais. -Bless you. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Ah! Here he is! Ah! French people look so weird! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:02:24 | 0:02:28 | |
TAHJ REPLIES IN FRENCH | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
Tres bien. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
-Who and a what, now? -I just ordered some bread and water. In French. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
Pssh! That wasn't French, Tahj, you're embarrassing yourself. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:40 | |
He has no idea what you're on about. Ha-ha! Oh! | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
He said, "May I take your order?" | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
Ah! Oui! I knew that. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
Excusez-moi. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:53 | |
-IN BAD FRENCH: -Ja voudrais un sandwich au jambon et au fromage. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:02 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
Oui! Ha-ha! Mercy buckets! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
-Miss, he said they don't... -Shhh! Tahj... | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
Now, class. He's saying something we don't understand. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
So, what should we do? | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
That's right! Say it louder and slower! | 0:03:22 | 0:03:26 | |
-LOUD AND SLOW: -Ja voudrais un sandwich | 0:03:29 | 0:03:33 | |
au jambon et au fromage! | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
HE SPEAKS FRENCH | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
Pour vous, monsieur? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
TAHJ ORDERS IN FRENCH | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
-LOUDER AND SLOWER: -Ja voudrais un sandwich | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
au jambon et au fromage! | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
Idiot. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Any questions about what we've seen so far? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
So many questions. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:01 | |
Come on, man. I'm starving! | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
-For madam. -Ah! Gracias! -Monsieur. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
Merci. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:10 | |
You see, Tahj. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
With a little practice, you can make yourself understood. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
Eh, Fred! | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Oui? | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
E tu available the next week, por favor? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
HE RANTS IN FRENCH | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
Au revoir! Salut, Tahj. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Bye. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
I think he said yes! Ha-ha! | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Bon appetiser! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:04:41 | 0:04:42 | |
Give us a chip, don't be stingy. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Break time. Miss Spray is in the prep room | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
crying over her break-up with Mr Nasal. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
And she's not the only one feeling miserable this Valentine's day. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:55 | |
Oi, you lot! Stop larking around and having fun. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
-This isn't a playground, you know. -Yes, it is, sir. -Right, that's it. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 | |
-You can spend the next lesson in isolation. -What? But, sir... | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
Just go. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
And let that be a warning to the rest of you. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
That's better. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:11 | |
He's in a foul mood. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
I wish him and Miss Spray would just get back together. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
In the isolation room, Billy is receiving some unwanted attention. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:23 | |
Can I help you? | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:05:27 | 0:05:28 | |
You're so funny! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Quiet, you two, or you'll be back here tomorrow. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
-I'm Tammy. -Billy. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
I'm going to call you Jason after my favouritest human in the world, | 0:05:35 | 0:05:39 | |
-Jason Donovan. -Who? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
What's your favouritest shape? | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
Let's say at the same time! | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
-I dunno! -Triangles! | 0:05:45 | 0:05:46 | |
Oh! I like triangles, too. We have so much in common. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
What did I just say? | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Look at my drawing. You'll never guess who it is. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
It's us! I done it in raspberry gel pens. Have a sniff. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:03 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
Do you believe in soul mates? | 0:06:07 | 0:06:08 | |
-I, eh... -Hush. There are no words. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
Apparently we're engaged. I don't remember asking her, but... | 0:06:16 | 0:06:20 | |
she seems so sure. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Do you want to come to the wedding? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
The theme is princesses and ponies. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
I can't wait. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:28 | |
THEME TO THE APPRENTICE PLAYS | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
Over in business studies, Even Mr Windlow is thinking about love. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
I love making money. I love counting money. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
I love the smell of money. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
I love putting money in hot water | 0:06:40 | 0:06:43 | |
and making money tea. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
Now, who can tell me | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
-what Valentine's day really means? -Love? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:52 | |
-No. -Romance? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
-No. -Garlic bread! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Still no. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Valentine's day is about money. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Cash. Moolah. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
It's a key date in the money-making calendar. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
Like National Goldfish day. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Martin... | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
you're fired. | 0:07:08 | 0:07:10 | |
Now, we're going to take some old junk | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
and turn it into Valentine's gifts to flog to loved-up lovebirds | 0:07:12 | 0:07:16 | |
with hearts for eyes who'll cough up twice the price for the privilege. | 0:07:16 | 0:07:19 | |
-Karen? -It's Jasmine. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
I always have a Karen. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
What we got? | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
-One old glove? -It's not an old glove, it's a... | 0:07:26 | 0:07:31 | |
love glove. You only need one, | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
because you're holding hands with your sweetheart with the other. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
25 quid. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
What other tat have we got? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
-Half-eaten mints. -No! These are... | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
..Valentine's breath fresheners. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
-How much? -20p? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
17.99 plus VAT! | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
And you're fired. What next? | 0:07:52 | 0:07:55 | |
The key to my heart? | 0:07:59 | 0:08:00 | |
No! You're wrong. That's the key to my shed. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
You're fired, too. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
I've been looking for that. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Site manager Dave and cleaner Kev | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
are spoiling themselves this Valentine's day. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Hi, Dave... | 0:08:17 | 0:08:18 | |
Mr Windlow asked me to come and get more junk from lost property. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
-Righty-oh. Kevin, property lost. -Sure. -Pronto. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
What have we got here? | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
Oh, one lunch box that's been here since '97. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Complete with sandwich. Ooh. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
Ooh. One football sock, mildly cheesy. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:41 | |
And, er... | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
Ooh, Best Of Neighbours 1995 video. That do you? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
-I think he'll be pleased. -Ooh. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
-Right, let's give you a hand. -Thanks. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Here you go. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
-Happy to help. -Thanks. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:58 | |
Goodbye, then! | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
-Kevin? -Yes, Dave? -Where are the keys? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
Eh, in your trouser pocket, Dave. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
And where are my trousers? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:10 | |
In there, Dave. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
KIDS LAUGH | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
In the canteen, Mark is gazing at his one true love, | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
Marcela. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
-Oh, she's so beautiful. -Who? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
-Give it up, she's not interested. -I'm never giving up on her! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
-She's my girlfriend, man! -You're delusional. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
-Hit it! -Don't! | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
MUSIC: Foxy Lady By The Jimi Hendrix Experience | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
No, no, no, no, no, don't do it. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
"Foxy!" | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
What is he doing? | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
"Foxy!" | 0:09:45 | 0:09:46 | |
# You know you're a killer | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
# Heartbreaker | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
# Foxy | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
# Yeah | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
# And you know you're a... # | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
-Oh, Marky! -RECORD SCRATCH | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
You left in such a rush this morning | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
you forgot your Valentine's presents. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
I don't know who they're from! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
Oh, thanks, Mum. I mean, Miss! | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
She's not my mum! | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
Happy Valentine's day, Marky. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
He's such an embarrassment. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
With the course of true love running far from smoothly, | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
the pupils decide it's time to give some relationship advice. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
MISS SPRAY CRIES | 0:10:30 | 0:10:31 | |
He loves you. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
You just need to tell him that you love him, too. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
She's not in love with the delivery guy. You're being silly. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:43 | |
-She loves you. -You need to tell her how you feel, sir. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
Mr Nasal and Miss Spray have agreed to meet to talk things over... | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
like grown-ups. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
What on earth? | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
What do you think, boys? | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
Hmm. You look...different. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
I love your hair. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
What did you say to him? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
We just told him to meet Miss Spray here and to... | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
look nice. | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Oh. That's what we told her, too. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:26 | |
CROWD GASP | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
Sir. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
Oh, wow. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
Miss Spray! | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Tell me about it, stud. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
# I got chills, they're multiplying | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
# And I'm losing control | 0:11:41 | 0:11:46 | |
# Cos the power you're supplying | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
# It's electrifying! | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
# You better shape up | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
# Cos I need a man | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
# And my heart is set on you | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
# You better shape up | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
# You better understand | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
# To my heart I must be true | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
-# Nothing left -BOTH: -Nothing left for me to do | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
# You're the one that I want You are the one I want | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
# The one that I want You are the one I want | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
# The one that I want You are the one I want | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
# Oh, yes, indeed. # | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
-Miss Spray. -Mr Nasal! | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
Does this mean they're back together? | 0:12:36 | 0:12:40 | |
CROWD GASP | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
Will you marry me, Miss Spray? | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
Of course I will! | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
# ..Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure that deep inside | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
-# You're the one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:13:00 | 0:13:01 | |
# The one that I want... # | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
-The first-ever Dockbridge High wedding! -I think it's sweet. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
Hang on a minute. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
Does that mean their surname's going to be "Nasal-Spray"? | 0:13:07 | 0:13:11 | |
-ALL: -Gross! | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
-# You're the one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
-# The one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
-# Ooh-ooh-ooh -Honey | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
-# The one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need | 0:13:26 | 0:13:29 | |
# Oh, yes, indeed | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
-# You're the one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
-# Mmm-mmm-hmm -Honey | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
-# The one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
-# The one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh The one I need | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
# Oh, yes, indeed | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
-# You're the one that I want -You are the one I want | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
# Ooh-ooh-ooh Honey | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
-# The one that I want -You are the one I want... # | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
Oh, my goodness. I love a wedding! | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
They're getting married, | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
and we're all invited. What are you going to wear? What shall I wear? | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
Shall I get a new hat? Where do you get hats from? | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
It'll be nice to get out of this voiceover booth, to be honest. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
I am SO excited! | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
Next episode. I'm putting it in my calendar now. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
Can't wait! See you there! | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 |