Careers Day Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours,

a school like any other,

a place where bright young minds are taught by some of the wisest,

most respected members of the teaching profession.

Our cameras returned for another year to find out what life is really

like for the students and their teachers

at this most ordinary of schools.

Welcome to Class Dismissed.

BELL RINGS

It's Careers Day at Dockbridge High and Billy is in early for

a careers session with careers adviser, Miss Dropitt.

My careers adviser advised me to be a careers adviser, and before

that, her careers adviser advised her to be

a careers adviser, and before that, her careers adviser advised

her to be a careers adviser, and before that her careers

adviser advised her to be a champion jockey.

But she didn't listen to her and she became a careers adviser.

So, Billy, what do you want to be when you leave school?

I like football, so a footballer.

OK, Billy, if I could just stop you there.

At the risk of sounding negative,

being a professional footballer is incredibly difficult and your

chance of being a success at it are basically zero. OK?

I know it will be tough, Miss, but it is my dream job.

OK, Billy, nobody ever got anywhere by following their dreams.

You need to choose something more practical.

Maybe this leaflet will give you some ideas.

What sort of job would you suggest, then, Miss?

Something like a...

careers adviser.

What's great about this job is that you can fit other jobs in between.

Speaking of which, my shift as a lollipop lady starts in a minute.

Would you mind covering for me here?

-Well...

-It would be good work experience.

-I don't know, Miss.

It's easy.

All you have to do is sit there and tell people they can't do what

-they want to do.

-All right.

-Got to go.

Being a lollipop lady requires a dedicated and diligent

individual, and until they find one of those, I'm doing it.

BELL RINGS

Appropriately the first lesson of the day is business studies

where Mr Windlow is getting down to business.

Careers.

I didn't get where I am today without having an incredibly

successful career,

then ditching it to become a teacher.

Right, mock interviews. Emily, you're first.

I'm a boss of Widget International and you come to me for a job.

So, where do you see yourself in two years' time?

-Year 11?

-No.

-Making widgets?

-Where's your ambition?

I say, "Where do you see yourself in two years' time?"

-You say, "Doing your job."

-As a business studies teacher?

Oh, give me strength. As boss of Widget International.

But if I'm doing your job in two years' time, what will you be doing?

I'll have sold the company and retired. Got a quid?

It's yours.

I can't wait to get out of the widgets business, to be honest.

-No-one wants widgets any more. It's all wodgets nowadays.

-Great(!)

So what is your first move as new owner of the company?

You're fired.

What can I say? I taught the girl good.

BELL RINGS

With Emily dressed for success in her new business...

That's right, widgets.

You don't know what they are either?

..Mrs Mark also intends to inspire the workforce of tomorrow.

I was inspired to pursue a teaching career by

a wonderful teacher I had at school, Granny Mark.

I mean, Mrs Mark.

She's not my mum.

As it's Careers Day, I will be offering one lucky pupil

an amazing work experience placement...

as a teacher in this very classroom.

I will keep you in suspense no longer.

-The lucky pupil is...

-She's so going to pick you.

You're going to pick you.

Someone who is diligent,

hard-working and always makes his mummy ever so proud.

It's...

Billy.

PUPILS GASP

I'm only joking. Your face. It's Mark.

What a surprise(!)

Well done, Marky. I bet you can't wait to start teaching.

Go on, then, Marky. Teach.

Er... Hello, class, my name is Mr...Mark.

Hello, Mr Mark.

-Like, get your books out, innit?

-Mr Mark?

Yeah, Mum? I mean, Miss.

She's not my mum.

I just wanted to say you're doing brilliantly, Mr Mark.

-Thanks, but no calling out.

-Sorry, Mr Mark.

Now, like, do some writing or something, yeah?

-He's so inspiring.

-No talking.

-And now it's time to announce the Pupil of the Week.

-Yay!

Sorry.

The Pupil of the Week is...

-Billy, you want it?

-All right.

APPLAUSE

-Thanks, mate.

-Unbelievable. After all I've done for you.

Raised you, fed you, wiped your little botty.

-LAUGHTER

-She didn't.

And now when the time comes for some gratitude, my own

son won't make his lovely mummy the Pupil of the Week.

Well, it's not good enough. What do you say to that, Marky?

-I say...I'm sending you to isolation.

-But you can't.

Yeah, I can.

Claiming to be a teacher's parent, that's that illegal.

And you've been very disruptive, innit? Now, get out of my classroom.

Boom!

Huh! Fine.

And let that be a lesson to all of you.

Oh, Marky, would you like chicken nuggets or jumbo sausages for tea?

Can I have chicken nuggets, please, Mum? I mean, Miss. She's not my mum.

LAUGHTER

Write it down 100 times.

PUPILS GROAN

Obeying her teacher, even though her teacher is just Mark,

Mrs Mark does as she's told and goes to isolation.

Hello.

Looks like it's just you and me in isolation today.

MRS MARK CHUCKLES

Oh.

Coming through. Excuse me.

Miss Dropitt is running late for her next careers session.

It's her job to listen to what pupils would like to do when

they grow up, before suggesting that they do something else.

-Careers, go.

-Well, I'd like to be a doctor.

Sorry, Tahj, can I just stop you there?

Your chances of being a doctor are literally,

and I'm trying to think of the appropriate words here,

zero, zilch, zip. OK?

But I'm good at science, Miss.

-I don't see why...

-How about a...

careers adviser?

-I don't really want to...

-It's easy and it's fun.

All you have to do is sit there and tell people they can't do the

job they want to do. In fact, can you cover for me?

I'm late for my shift at the fire station.

Here's your first client now. Good luck.

I want to get out of widgets.

I was thinking of changing careers to journalism.

No!

She's right. It is fun.

As year nine head to English, Emily is glad to be out of widgets

and out of her business suit.

She's not the only one who's changed her appearance.

Settle down, settle down.

You may have noticed I have a different attitude.

Someone reported me for not doing enough proper teaching.

Naming no names but it was Tahj. So I've decided to crack down.

No more riding your bike in the classroom.

That was you, sir.

No more spray-painting your name on the walls.

Again, you.

-No more wicked sweet break dancing.

-Definitely you.

In short, guys, no more banter.

I'm going to be hella basic. Yeah.

Stunned into silence.

Well, then, let's get on with some really un-fun work.

Chapter 15.

William Blake. Yes!

So, sir, I've read lots of Blake's poetry and I was wondering...

PUPILS GASP

Psyche! I can't believe you guys fell for it. Hashtag pwned!

I completely pranked you. Yeah, me did.

SCATTERED LAUGHTER

You should have seen your faces.

I'm so glad I was papping it on my phone.

Oh, it didn't record.

LAUGHTER

Can we just do all that again, please?

Quickly because my battery's running out.

So, we're not actually going to learn anything about William Blake?

Sure, we're going to learn about will.i.am Blake, Tahj, but we're

not going to read his poems.

We're going to break dance them.

MUSIC PLAYS

Oh!

LAUGHTER

Banter!

BELL RINGS

Mr Christopher has taken time out of his busy schedule to

talk to year nine about careers.

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Honestly, you don't need to. Thank you.

So today I'm going to teach you about the most important

career in the world, a career that saves lives.

Medicine?

Acting.

And you get the chance to put your questions to

a real-life actor, ie, me.

First question.

What's the best thing about being an actor?

Hm. I could say exploring being other than yourself but instead

I'll say the free stuff.

Like, this morning I got a free pen just by doing a dance for the head.

She was so impressed she said,

"Please, stop, have whatever you want."

That's talent. Next question.

Ahem. "How did you become such a great and brilliant actor?"

Oh, so embarrassing.

Oh... I knew someone would ask me this.

Once I realised how amazing my talent was,

I knew there was only one career for me.

In Hollywood...

or educational theatre. Sorry, Hollywood.

But rather than just talk about how I became who I am today,

let's act it out.

Jasmine, you are my first music teacher.

Just cry a lot whenever I sing.

Tahj, you're the agent that turned me down. You're filled with regret.

Emily, you're the doubter who told me I could never make it,

AKA my mum.

Just make sure that you duck when I come at you screaming.

And, Martin, go get me a coffee.

And, five, six, eight.

HE SCREAMS

And again.

HE SCREAMS

BELL RINGS

Textile teacher Miss Dior-Durant

needs to catch up on some lesson planning

but she'd rather make a vlog.

Hiya, and welcome to Dior-Durant's fashion videos.

Like, share and subscribes.

Today I'll be showing you my best fashion accessories as we

look at what's inside my bag. So let's see what's inside my bag?

A bag.

Bags are greatest fashion accessory. Kim Kardashian,

she said to me, "I want your bag."

I say, "No, Kimmy, it's not for you". She cry.

So let's see what else is inside my bag?

A bag.

Wunderbar.

As Victoria Beckham say, "You can never have too many bags".

And I say, "Shut up, Victoria, that's my catchphrase." She cry.

Fab-u-lous! More bag!

Bag. Bag. Bag. Bag.

Bag. Bag.

Purse. What's inside?

A bag!

Bag. Bag. Bag. Bag.

So click, like, shares and subscribes.

Not subscribing is so last season.

Ahem! Miss,

are you going to begin the lesson soon?

Yeah, yeah. So rude.

BELL RINGS

Jasmine is off to see Miss Dropitt, who cares passionately about

the pupils' careers for 20 minutes a day.

The rest of the time she's got better things to do. Time is money.

# Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you

# happy birthday, Colin Jeffers Happy birthday to you. #

It's not my birthday.

And my name's not Colin, it's Jasmine.

-So you didn't order a gorilla-gram?

-No, I'm here for careers advice.

Oh, course. All right. So, what do you want to be, then?

-A vet.

-No.

-Dog trainer?

-No.

-Dog groomer?

-No.

-Dog walker?

-No.

With respect, Miss, I don't think you're very good at this.

Do you not think this costume is very realistic?

Not at being a gorilla-gram - the careers adviser.

Is this really what you want to do?

Well, when I was a kid I always wanted to be a clown.

-But my parents said it was a waste of time.

-Well, go for it.

-You're never too old to do what you want to do.

-Do you really think so?

Yeah, follow your dreams.

You're right. Thanks.

I'm going to be a clown.

Oh, and Jasmine,

you should be a careers adviser, hm?

I'll think about it.

BELL RINGS

Careers Day is over and some people are regretting their choices.

I wanted to be an astronaut.

HE SOBS

But for others, seeds have been sown that will grow into

tomorrow's teachers...

Oi! No running, innit?

..vloggers...

So let's go home and see what's in my other bag.

..clowns...

Look at me, Daddy, I'm a clown!

..and careers advisers.

We've decided we're all going to be careers advisers. It's fun.

ALL: No!

# Whatever you want Whatever you like

# Whatever you say You pay your money

# You take your choice

# Whatever you need Whatever you use

# Whatever you win Whatever you lose... #

BELL RINGS