Broken Boiler Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High. A school just like yours.

For two years, our cameras have followed day-to-day life here.

There have been highs, and lows...

HE SNEEZES

We return for another year to find out how these talented teachers

continue to excite and inspire a generation of young,

eager minds at this most ordinary of schools.

THEY YELP

This is Class Dismissed.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

It's early morning, and before the school comes to life...

Gas valve, check.

..site manager Dave and his assistant Kev are completing

their rigorous morning checks.

Control circuit, check.

Are you ticking these off, Kev?

-Kev?

-Oh, er, er, check.

Why are you flailing about like a newborn giraffe?

-I'm practising my dancercise.

-You what?

-I'm getting healthy, Dave.

I'm doing dancercise. You should give it a go.

-I don't think so, Kevin!

-Go on, Dave, go on.

SALSA MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, that's it, Dave. You're a natural.

METAL CLANKS

-Oh, oh!

-ALARM RINGS

Your dancercise has knacked the boiler, Kev!

-It was an accident.

-You do know what this means?

-Not really, no.

It means...the school will get colder

and we have no way of heating it up.

As the pupils arrive,

Year 10 have got more than the boiler to be worried about.

Their first lesson is Maths with Mrs Hushman.

Ugh, Maths!

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I'm dreading it.

I was so fed up with Mrs Hushman shouting last week,

that I took myself to isolation, for some quiet.

I've been saying this for years. Maths is rubbish.

Maybe you need to listen to me a bit more often.

Nah, I don't think so.

What do you mean, I'm shouting? I'm not shouting. You're shouting!

Can I PLEASE have some quiet in here?

Good.

Do you know what I will not stand for in this class?

I not stand for test papers written in BLUE INK!

Do you hear me, young lady?

Do you know how many of you used blue ink, child?

-Er...no.

-None!

Not one of you.

Well done!

BELL RINGS

In Art, Mr Rom has perfected the art of blending in.

Greetings, students.

In today's session, we will be studying...

-..still life.

-Finally, some proper art!

I can do some shading with those pencils that I got for my birthday.

I want you to draw...

..this.

Conceptualise the vision of a bowl of fruit.

Do not be afraid to allow your...

..subconscious to fill in the blanks.

-Go.

-METRONOME TICKS

WOOD SMASHES

Time's up.

Let me see the...fruits of your labours.

Exquisite.

Majestic pineapples, Martin.

Er, they're grapes, sir.

That's certainly one interpretation.

You have all produced sublime creations.

Class dismissed.

Except for you, Emily.

You appear to have added shading to your fruit bowl.

Yes, sir, I got these pencils for my birth...

Detention for being so pedestrian.

Break time, and back in the boiler room, site manager Dave

and his assistant Kev are hard at work trying to keep the school

at the optimum temperature for learning, as set by Ofsted.

Ah! That's it.

We can't fix it.

The whole school will get slightly cold,

and we have no way of heating it up.

Wait...

Kevin, listen to me.

I'm going down the hardware store, see if I can find a spare part.

While I'm away, not a word of this to anyone.

No-one needs to know this was our fault.

Bye, Dave.

BELL RINGS

While some students are starting to feel the cold,

over in the isolation room, nothing is going to dampen Tammy's spirits.

-Happy...birthday?

-You remembered!

-Oh, and you got me a present!

-Hey!

Birthdays are, like, totally my favourite days.

I've spent my last 14, 20...

Loads, I've spent loads of my birthdays in here.

Like, a kajillion! I've been in here since 1989.

-That's sad.

-It's for my own good.

-Because I talk too much, don't I, Miss?

-Silence!

-SHE GIGGLES

-She's hilarious.

-Let's play Truth Or Dare. You go first.

-Truth.

Who is your most favouritest person in the whole wide world?

I don't know. Probably my mum.

-Or you?

-Course it is, silly!

And you're my favourite.

I'm going to a karaoke party tonight.

She hasn't even got a machine. She just makes me hum the tune.

BELL RINGS General studies next,

and Mr Schofield likes to bring a bit of showbiz to the lesson.

Hello, and welcome to General Studies, with me,

your host and teacher, Mr Schofield.

General Studies, the subject where literally any topic could crop up.

-And...

-Often does!

-Ha-ha! And now, in today's lesson...

-KNOCKING

I'm sorry, sir, I've just come from PE.

I think I left my pencil case in here in my last lesson.

-It's red and round...

-Oh!

-We have your pencil case, Molly!

-CANNED LAUGHTER

The question is, do you have what it takes

to defeat the course and get it back?

-The course?

-Welcome to Ninja General Studier, UK!

Is this really necessary?

Do you want your pencil case or not?

-Yes, but...

-Go!

First up, she has to negotiate the set texts.

-Absolutely textbook from Molly there.

-Oh!

Oh, the pile of coats is never easy.

But she's making it look "sleevesy".

Oh, she's up on the table!

Wow, what a technique.

She's got the agility of a 12-year-old.

-And there it is!

-THEY CHEER

Molly, you've done it. How do you feel?

Like that wasn't necessary.

Ho-ho! And thanks for joining us.

We'll see you next time. You best be off. You're late for PE.

CHEERING

-Smile and wave, Michael.

-BELL RINGS

With the boiler still not fixed,

the cold corridors are about to become hot news in Media Studies,

with professional news presenter Naga Munchetty.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

In today's headlines...

GONG RINGS

Tahj, I need the cards.

I'm really sorry.

-Would never happen on BBC Breakfast.

-Get rid of him!

-In today's main story...

-GONG RINGS

..it has appeared that the school boiler has been damaged.

To find out more, we can go live now to Lydia Pry.

Lydia? Lydia?

Naga. The scene here is one of chaos.

I'm here with an eyewitness.

Oh, I was showing my best mate Dave how to do dancercise

and he knacked the boiler.

He cannae dancercise, can Dave.

So, are you saying that it could get so cold,

that health and safety standards will be compromised?

Well, I don't know about that.

So, are you saying that you don't really care

what happens to be school?

I wouldn't say that.

-So, are you saying that you're willing to go down for this?

-No.

So, there we have it.

With the boiler situation spiralling out of control

and no-one willing to take responsibility for it,

it's clear to see..

..we're all doomed!

-Back to you, Naga.

-Lydia, thank you.

Well, the boiler crisis is worsening

and panic is spreading across the school.

This is Naga Munchetty signing off. Good night.

-Great show, Miss.

-The boiler never breaks on BBC Breakfast.

-Sorry.

BELL RINGS

To avoid having to close the school,

Mr Potter is prepared to do anything he can to keep pupils warm.

Even if it means forcing them to wear clothes from lost property.

I'm perfectly warm. What are these, by the way?

Veruca socks. Used veruca socks, probably.

BELL RINGS

But as news about the boiler spreads around the school,

some people are panicking more than others.

How long have we got left?

-Er...35 minutes, sir.

-Not of the lesson.

I mean, before we all freeze forever

and the Prime Minister commissions a statue of me.

I want it eight foot high and covered in diamonds.

And I want a crowd of people sobbing at its feet, day and night.

Martin, I told you to start me a fire.

Ugh! Not with my Guyliner. Remember! Come here.

-You never know...

-Know...

-BOTH:

-..when you might need Guyliner.

Especially in a crisis.

Oh, what does it matter anyway?!

I can literally feel my talent shutting down. Look.

-Barely fabulous.

-Sir?

If you're cold, we could burn this massive pile of photos.

My head shots!?

Why don't you just burn an original Shakespeare manuscript?

-Ugh!

-Don't worry, sir, I'm sure the heating will come on soon.

That's it, of course!

We've got all the heat we need right here.

I can entertain us warm!

And everyone use your freezing breath as stage mist. Martin!

ELECTRO PLAYS

It's a little bit colder than usual today,

but we're not being dramatic about it.

BELL RINGS

It's lunchtime, and without the boiler working,

hot food of any kind is off the menu.

OK, lads.

So, the oven's down, the microwave's conked out and the fryer ain't on.

-Where do you think you're going, lads?

-To the vending machine.

Well, not so fast.

I'd still got plenty on offer, for the right price. Know what I mean?

-No, not really.

-What have you got?

-I can offer you this.

Finest stuff, this.

-A frozen sausage?

-That ain't a frozen sausage. It's a...

..beef lollipop.

-A beef lollipop!

-Sure, top-notch, that.

I'll try anything.

What about you? You want one of these?

It's...cod ice cream.

BELL RINGS

With no-one fed and temperatures dropping...

The coldest day in my life, you know.

By the end of lunchtime, everyone has lost their patience.

-Will you be letting everyone leave early?

-No.

-My nails are very brittle. Let us leave or I'm walking!

-No!

How cold do you think it's going to get?

Are you prepared to lose your job over this?

Fine, everyone can go home until the boiler is fixed.

-OK!

-THEY CHEER

-Out!

-And so, to everyone's delight, the day ends early.

But there's one person it means more to than anyone.

# Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to... #

-Mr Potter said everyone can go!

-He can't mean me, though.

He said everyone, come on!

I haven't been outside since 1989.

I've never seen so many people.

You're my favourite!

No, you're my favourite.

# I want to break free

# I want to break free

# I want to break free from your lies

# You're so self-satisfied

# I don't need you

# I've got to break free... #