Child Care Issues Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours.

For two years, our cameras have followed day-to-day life here.

There have been highs and lows.

We return for another year to find out how these talented

teachers continue to excite and inspire a generation of young,

eager minds at this most ordinary of schools.

SHE SCREAMS

This is Class Dismissed.

BELL RINGS

It's Wednesday and Year 10 start the day with English where Mr Capp

appears to be going through some sort of rap battle phase.

Let's get ready to Rumbleeeee!

Kicking it old-school stylie. Holla!

What's happening?

Now, today, we're going to unbox the fresh vocals of my fam,

the lyrical gangster... No, not Stormzy,

it's big Willie Shakespeare!

Epic rap battle time.

-ALL GROAN

-Seriously, kill me.

I knew you'd be ready to spill some rhymings.

-What did you just say, sir?

-Tahj, sweet volunteering.

Tough luck, mate.

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

I'm going to rap some Shakespeare

and you're going to holla back when you're ready, T-Dizzle.

But be warned, I'm pretty boss at rap battles.

Uh-huh-huh, yeah.

-RAPS:

-# I'm Mr Capp And I'm here to tell you

# Billy Shakey's A hustler like a kangaroo

# In iambic pentameter He pops all his lyrics

# His use of the English language Is jolly terrific

# He lived in old times But his words are relevant

# I'm going to the shop to get myself an elephant. #

Mic drop.

-RAPS:

-# Your boy likes Shakespeare Your boy likes lyrics

# But he always try and to teach us with gambits and gimmicks

# We like plain speaking No need to try a witty

# Shakespeare say it better in this little ditty. #

Whoa!

He's so good!

# Listen to the many But speak to a few

# Hear them opinions But let them cut through

# No disrespect, sir I ain't being rude

# I'm just quoting Hamlet Polonius too. #

CLASS: Oh!

Yeah, man. That was amazing.

Did you just summarise Hamlet

when Polonius tells Laertes to stop showing off and just be himself?

Yeah. It's a good speech.

Epic truth bomb!

We cannae take much more truth, Captain,

the ship won't take it! Rap bants.

-I don't know what to say.

-BELL RINGS

In reception, part-time teaching assistant

and full-time dad Mr Nappy arrives late. Having been up all night

with screaming triplets, he's finally got his babies off to sleep.

-Shh!

-WHISPERS:

-Could you all keep it down, please? They're sleeping.

I love babies. Can I just take a little peek?

Oh, of course. But...

if y'all wake them, then y'all will be the one who has to spend

the next six hours holding them

at a 45 degree angle whilst waggling Mr Tootsie at them

so that they don't scream at a volume louder than a jet engine.

Do you still want a little peek?

Nope. I'm backing away now.

Shh!

BELL RINGS

Meanwhile, in science,

Mrs Stein uses custard to get Year 10 excited about physics.

Right. Now, forget everything you've ever known about learning science.

-Done.

-Excellent.

-Why are we out here, Miss?

Because of Newton's first law of motion.

Was that the answer you were looking for?

If the laws of inertia are correct,

if I spin this bucket round my head, the custard inside should

stay inside, but what will happen if the bucket stops spinning?

-The custard will fall out.

-But how do we know?

-It just will.

How do we know before conducting an experiment?

Because we know about gravity.

Just to be sure though, I need a volunteer.

Don't do it, please.

Yes, Martin. Come here. Right. Excellent.

Now, what I want you to do is spin the bucket round and round.

Now, what do we say, children?

-ALL: Stand back, we're doing science.

-Right.

Off you go, Martin. Spin, spin, spin.

Now spin that bucket round and round.

As you can see, the custard stays inside the bucket,

-but what happens if the bucket stops spinning?

-It's fairly obvious.

Well, let's just check, shall we? OK, and in three, two, one, stop.

Oh!

Well, now we know. Science in action. Well done, everyone.

-Tahj, clear him up, will you?

-What?

-Come on, everyone.

-Back to classroom.

-Me?

Break time and while Martin gets the custard out of his hair,

Mr Nappy is juggling both playground duty and nap time.

Shh!

Shhhh!

-BABIES CRY

-NO!

-Hush now, little ones.

-BELL RINGS

In art, Mr Rhomb starts with a lesson in camouflage.

Greetings.

I'm sitting here amongst you in order to appreciate more

fully the mundanity of teenage life.

-It's all right being a teenager, sir.

-Thank you, Emily.

What a wonderfully tepid observation.

Class, we are very fortunate to have a guest speaker with us today.

One of the region's most formidable artists, Billy's parent.

-Welcome, Billy's parent.

-Er, hi.

It's such an honour to have another artiste in our midst.

Tell me, what palette do you use when you are at work?

Well, I usually just use magnolia,

-but it sort of depends what the client wants.

-Phenomenal.

For too many years I have underappreciated linear colour.

Can you tell me if you use any equipment

when you are creating a piece?

Well, again, it depends what the client wants, but I usually just

carry around a bit of spare tape, a roller, that kind of thing.

Mind-blowing.

Bringing the mundane into the heavenly.

-And where could we see your art?

-Oh, well, I actually painted

Jasmine's mum's living room the other month.

It was great, sir. Really nice.

Just fascinating. Habitation interiors.

For the benefit of the class, do you think we could see you in action?

Yeah, sure. Why not? Erm...

-Go.

-TIMER TICKS

An installation piece. Miraculous. I am in awe.

She just paints people's walls.

Installation pieces if you will, Bill.

BELL RINGS

Music next, and supply teacher Miss Davis is enjoying using

her wind instrument.

Make sure you're in a strong upright position,

take a deep breath

and simply blow away to your hearts content.

SHE BREAKS WIND

ALL GROAN

Miss, I can't reach the high notes.

Oh, I used to have that problem, Martin.

Until I realised all I needed to do was close my eyes

and believe I could do it.

BREAKS WIND

-C sharp if I'm not mistaken.

-Yep, very sharp.

-Right.

If we're all ready. A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.

SHE BREAKS WIND

BREAKS WIND

BREAKS WIND

MISS DAVIS FARTS REPEATEDLY

THEY GROAN

Very good, class.

Although, whoever was playing the trombone was way off key.

BELL RINGS

It's lunchtime

and Year 8 pupils Molly and Tammy are cementing their friendship.

-I love your lunchbox. Let's do lunch swapsies.

-Yeah, OK, sure.

We are so B-F-F-I-D-S-T-F-I-A-B.

Best friends forever if destroyed still true for infinity and beyond.

Yes! Sandwiches are, like, totally my favourite.

No way! Crisps are, like, totally, like, my favourite-ist thing

in the whole wide space planet world!

Yeah, they're all right.

I don't believe it,

apples are, like, my totally favourite fruit beginning with A.

How did you know?

A pencil sharpener.

A tube of glitter.

A piece of paper with the word "sausages" written on it

and the drawing of a goldfish.

-She's called Marjorie.

-Is that it?

I know, right? You are welcome.

But where's the food?

There's no food in there, silly!

BELL RINGS

In the afternoon,

librarian Mrs Winston has finally decided to retire...

Hey, readers, I need some privacy, capiche?

..and pass on her empire to a young apprentice.

Sometimes you have to know when to give it up.

This is a young librarian's game. It's time for fresh blood.

-Ain't it, Ronald?

-Yeah.

So I'm saying to myself, I need someone I know.

Someone who'll protect the library, you see what I'm saying?

-Sorry, no.

-Someone who'll treat it like their own home, Martin.

Someone will respect the no fizzy drinks near the books rule.

Someone very close to me now.

-Oh, you mean...?

-Yeah.

-..Ron?

-No, you!

Now, pay attention! Cos running this joint ain't no piece of cake.

Here is my most prized possession.

It belongs to you now. The stamp.

-Now repeat after me, don't be overdue.

-Don't be overdue.

He's a natural. Good luck, kiddo. You're the boss now.

Come on, Ron, it's time to leave. We've a plane to catch.

Hey, Ron, you're staying with me.

What? You can't be serious!

I'm afraid I am, Miss. My library, my rules. Ron stays.

Say hello to the family, won't you, sweetheart?

-Nice lady that.

-Hm.

BELL RINGS

In the last lesson of the day,

Year 10 are with Mr Konnundrum

who's got more on his mind than maths.

So, if a man, or a woman,

but in this case probably a man,

joins a dating website without fully understanding how it all works,

because it's very confusing with all the different buttons and widgets

and other complicated tech-fangled things on his smartphone, hm!

And somehow, through no fault of his own,

instead of arranging a date with a lady...

..accidentally books an emergency plumber.

LAUGHTER

Should the man, A, apologise to the plumber for wasting his time

and send him on his way, or B,

go on a romantic dinner with the plumber anyway because he's already

paid for the deposit on the table and wouldn't want to disappoint?

Just explain to the plumber that you booked him by mistake.

-I'm sure he'd understand, sir.

-You're right. Thanks, Tahj.

You best be off.

At least I saved some money on the dinner. You're right, Tahj.

-By the way, there's still an 80 quid call-out charge.

-Oh. Of course.

-Quiet reading!

-BELL RINGS

It's the end of another day at Dockbridge High

and Mr Nappy has managed to get his kids and himself off to sleep.

HE SNORES

BABY CRIES

HE GROANS

Hush now. Hush now.

Hush now.

# Wake me up before you go-go

# Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo

# Wake me up before you go-go

# I don't want to miss it when you hit that high

# Wake me up before you go-go

-# Take me dancing tonight

-Jitterbug. #