Fix the Roof Class Dismissed

This is Dockbridge High, a school just like yours.

For two years, our cameras have followed day-to-day life here.

There have been highs and lows.

We returned for another year to find out how these talented teachers

continue to excite and inspire a generation of young, eager minds

at this most ordinary of schools.

This is Class Dismissed.

BELL RINGS

THUNDER ROLLS

Another day begins and head Hillary Head has been forced to call

an emergency meeting in her office.

-S'up?

-Good morning.

-MR CHRISTOPHER:

-Yes, it is good for all of you,

for you are in the presence of greatness.

By that, I mean me.

Good morning, Mrs Head.

This is the situation, this is not a drill,

there is a leak in the school roof.

Is this the puddle in the art block?

Because Dave tried to mop it up,

but Mr Rhomb said it's his finest work to date.

No, the leak is here in this very office.

Oh, no. Like, where, fam?

-TRICKLING

-Oh...

Of course, I would sit under the leak.

Well done, Joy!

We need to fix this pronto, so I need your fundraising ideas now.

OK, so, we stage a hip-hopera

of 27 of Shakespeare's best plays in the skate park.

Never talk again.

Mr Christopher.

We could auction off everything I've ever sat on, slept on

or looked at.

We won't get money for that. Pot-Lot?

How about we stage a sponsored job swap where all the staff

take on different jobs.

I could, I don't know, be headteacher.

Go and stand under the leak.

Useless!

The rest of you, I want £4,000 in cash

on my desk by the end of the day or you're all fired.

Go!

Not you.

Well, it was worth a try.

BELL RINGS

While the staff get their own fundraising underway,

it's up to deputy head Mr Potter to force the pupils to get involved.

And so, finally, remember to give generously.

After all, this affects you.

Sir, didn't you say the leak was in Mrs Head's office?

So does it affect us at all?

Well, no, it doesn't, Jasmine, but if you don't get involved,

then Mrs Head will shout at me

and then I will shout at you

and then it will affect you.

So, remember, fundraise, fundraise, fundraise!

BELL RINGS

Year 10 pupil Mark is the first to do his bit for the roof

with a sponsored silence.

He doesn't even care about the roof.

He just doesn't want to answer any teachers' questions.

So, you're not going to speak all day?

Not a single word?

What if I hold my finger here?

What about if I do this?

How about this?

How about this? How about now? How about now?

How about this? How about now?

Huh. Impressive.

OK, mate, I'll do you a deal.

If you manage to stay silent all day, I'll sponsor you a fiver.

But if you say one word, you give me a fiver.

What do you reckon?

Remember...not one word.

BELL RINGS

In maths, Mr Konnundrum has come up with an unusual way to fundraise.

So, if a man...

..wants to raise some money for a school roof, or any roof,

but probably a school one...

..and so, he puts two ferrets...

..in his trousers...

..and finds that they're both a little more ACTIVE...

..than he thought that they might BE...

Oh!

Should the man, A...

Leave the ferrets in his trousers

and hopefully just do his best to get through the day?

Or, B - remove the ferrets as soon as possible

because he is becoming really uncomfortable?

-Yes, Tahj?

-Definitely B, sir.

Remove the ferrets as soon as possible.

They're probably not enjoying it in there either.

Oh, I think you're right.

They're starting to bite NOW!

LAUGHTER

-Yeah, so remove the ferrets.

-Very well.

Quiet reading, please.

BELL RINGS

Break time and in the canteen, never one to miss out on making money,

Mrs Tucker has cooked up her own plan.

Whoa, that looks amazing, Miss.

Well, I wanted to do my bit for the roof.

He's always been good to me.

Perfect for a lunchtime treat - dash of chocolate, bit of vanilla

and, of course, a smattering of the old classic...

-Ginger?

-No.

Mackerel.

-Eurgh...

-What?

A load of fish dropped in the cake mix, that's how I got them cheap.

What can I get for you, darling?

Absolutely nothing.

Where you going? I could do you a deal!

Mrs Tucker's cakes might be inedible...

BELL RINGS

..but design and technology teacher Mr Spittle

doesn't let anything go to waste.

What's this?

Oh, a bit of cake!

I do love a bit of cake.

Oh, sir, I was just about to bin it, actually.

It's not very nice.

Jasmine, you know as well as I do,

there is no such thing as not nice cake.

Oh, I love a bit of that.

It's too dry.

-Could I try it?

-But it's mine.

Could I try a nibble of it?

Oh, no!

It's fallen on the floor.

Now it will just have to go in the bin. Sorry, sir.

Oh, no bother, Jasmine.

There you go.

There, it's as good as new.

Ho-ho!

Oh, that is perfection.

I'm picking up passion fruit, papaya...

..possibly pineapple.

BOY RETCHES

Oh, and a hint of pistachio.

-Ewww!

-Perfection.

I used to like cake.

BELL RINGS

As the fundraising continues around the school,

Mark's about to regret committing to a sponsored silence.

You talk yet, mate?

And you're not going to speak for the rest of the day?

You're doing so well.

I can't see anything breaking your silence.

Er, Marcella, can you come over here for a sec?

Mark wants to say hi.

Like, literally, what do you want?

Mark, don't you want to say hi to Marcella?

-MARK WHINES

-Rude.

What's, literally, wrong with him?

It's not his fault. You see, he's...

Suffering from...really bad...

diarrhoea.

Yeah, he's using all the energy he's got just to hold himself together.

Ew! That's literally disgusting.

MARK WHINES

I'm sorry, mate.

I've got a fiver riding on this.

BELL RINGS

Meanwhile, Mr Potter gives Hillary Head an update.

Give me some figures, Pot-Bot. How are we doing?

So far, we've raised £7.20,

a couple of euros, two old keys and...

..a half-eaten apple.

Well, keep pushing, Potster. We need it fixed.

Doesn't look too bad at the moment.

BELL RINGS

But all may not be lost because in the afternoon,

Mr Christopher is happily getting involved by selflessly

giving his own time and ego to make a charity single.

This is more than charity, this is more than the roof.

This is about me now.

Hey, guys, Mr Christopher here. What's up?

So, I wrote this amazing charity single to raise money for the roof

and we're about to perform it live for the first time

in a world exclusive.

So I hope you lot have practised your parts, yeah?

Not that you'll be as good as me. How could they be?

-And a five, six... Er, Martin?

-Yeah?

They can't see my caring face.

And a five, six, eight...

# I'm playing minor chords

# Looking very bleak

# Is that a tear running down my cheek?

-# Oh, yeah!

-Things are really bad

# I'm totes devastated

# And I won't stop singing

# Till you've all donated

# Fix the roof

# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

# Fix the roof

# Make Dockbridge High waterproof now!

# Check out this wind

# It makes me look well cool

# Please give now

# Or we'll have to close the school

-FALSETTO:

-# And don't forget my really high top note!

# AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

# Fix the roof

# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

# Fix the roof

# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

-# Fix the roof

-Look at all these children's faces

# These poor little kids They deserve a roof!

-# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

-Whooooo, yeah, yeah!

-# Fix the roof

-Oh, I've got a hole in my soul

# And there's a hole in the roof as well

-# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

-Whooooo!

# Yeah! #

You know you want to fix that roof. Please...

..fix the roof.

All right, Martin, that's enough tears.

HE SPITS

BELL RINGS

Sadly, no-one bought the single and in Citizenship,

Joy's learning a hard lesson in fundraising too.

I want to talk about fear, because as part of my effort

for the school fundraising for our beloved roof...

We will fix you.

..I've faced my fear and, er...

..cut off my hair.

Whoa, that looks really cool, Miss!

And, er, I thought I could sell my hair to raise money for the roof,

so who would like to buy a piece?

Erm... No, thanks, Miss.

BELL RINGS

Unbelievably, it looks like Mark may have had more success.

He's managed to stay silent and, at the end of the day, year 10

are back with form tutor Mrs Mark to count down the final moments.

How long has he got, then?

Oh! Um, attention!

In one minute's time, my son Mark will become

the pride of the school by completing his sponsored silence.

Oh, I'm such a proud mummy.

I said I wouldn't cry.

I can't wait to give my little fundraiser this cheque

to commend him on all his hard work.

SHE SIGHS HAPPILY

So, what shall we talk about before the big moment?

What was Mark's favourite toy when he was little, Miss?

Oh, well, that's easy.

It's Mr Flumpy, the cuddly rabbit.

Here he is.

-WHISPERS:

-I always carry him around with me,

just in case Marky gets a bit worried.

Oh, looks like he might need him now.

-SILLY VOICE:

-It's OK, Marky! I'm your best friend.

He loves it when I do the voice.

20 seconds to go, Miss.

Would you describe Mark as a mummy's boy?

Oh, yes. He's always giving me great big kisses

and sitting on my lap when he's scared.

So adorable!

15 seconds, Miss.

One more question.

Can I just check, Miss, you are Mark's mum, right?

Well, of course, Billy.

I am 100%, undeniably, Mark's mum.

Come on, everyone say it with me. Who's the mummy?

-ALL:

-You're the mummy!

Who the mummy?

-You're the mummy!

-Who the mummy?

You're the mummy!

Who's the mummy? Ooooooohhhh...

I'm the mummy!

She's not my muuuuuuuum!

Ha! You talked!

Phew!

It's OK, Marky. I'll still put the £11 in the bucket for you.

-FLATLY:

-Thanks, Mum. I mean, Miss. She's not my mum.

BELL RINGS

Home time and with just £17.36 collected,

the leak remains an ongoing issue,

but it's been an enjoyable day of fundraising.

I liked it when you weren't speaking.

-I liked it when YOU weren't speaking.

-I'm not speaking.

-Why are you speaking at me though?

-I'm not speaking.

-I can hear you.

As for the roof, Hillary Head has worked out an interim solution.

Well, Pot-Knot, you'll just have to stay there till the leak stops.

-But...

-There's a good chap. I'll even give you a fresh bucket.

-BELL RINGS

-Mrs Head...

Mrs Head!

# Fix the roof

# Make Dockbridge High waterproof

# Fix the roof

-# Make Dockbridge High waterproof...

-Yeah!

# Whoooooo! Yeah! #