Cat Food Creeped Out

The Curious, they say he collects strange tales.

And if you ever hear his whistle,

you know something creepy is about to unfold.

No-one knows where he's from, or where he's going to,

but somehow he senses when a tale is about to happen.

He's...drawn to them.

Have you ever wondered what might be going on behind closed doors?

A door only just across the street might have behind it something you

wouldn't get within a mile of.

SHE SIGHS

Don't tell me you're still on that level?

And loving it.

You know what you need to do?

Yeah, win. Zip it, stupidio.

Just use the cheat code that I gave you.

And you should zip it.

SHE SIGHS

You'll go straight to the coin fountain.

You won't need to fight the bank robbers.

Yeah, well, we're not all cheaters like you, little brother.

Hey!

I'm offended you would even suggest such a thing.

Anyway, it's not cheating.

It's winning without the pain.

If I don't practise on the bank robbers,

I won't have the skills for the coin fountain.

SHE SIGHS

You can't cheat your way out of everything.

What are you doing?

WHISPERS: Showtime.

HE COUGHS

Mum!

HE COUGHS

Oh, Stu, you look awful.

HE GROANS

Yeah, you do look awful. And so sudden!

I can make it, I know I can.

No, don't be silly.

I'll work from home.

What's that doing up here?

That's mine. It...

adds shine to your hair...

they say.

Really?

Apparently.

HE COUGHS

You just rest up.

HE MOANS

You owe me big-time, stupidio.

I'll tell you what I do owe ya...

HE CHUCKLES

BIRD CAWS

Cat-killer strikes again.

CAT MEOWS

One, two, three, four.

Yes!

Jackpot.

WATER RUNS

FLOOR CREAKS

SCREAMING ON TV

No! It's consuming him!

No, no, no!

How many cats does this woman have?

Weird.

ALARM SOUNDS

Well, what you doing over there?

I didn't want to get behind,

so I thought I'd catch up on some school work.

Oh, that can wait, silly.

Now, I was saving this for your birthday, but I thought you could do

a cheering up.

-MUFFLED:

-It's a two-headed trick coin.

You know, heads always wins?

Stu?

It's great. Thanks, Mum.

Whoa.

False wall.

How's she so strong?

She's a freak.

LIQUID BUBBLES

What is she doing?!

Stu?

Mum, something majorly weird is going on.

What are you doing in my room?

Mrs McMurtle was carrying crates of cat food bigger than her!

And she was pouring them into the cauldron in a hidden space in the

-garage...

-Oh, you're all hot.

Just look, there's a false wall in the garage!

Oh, my days.

What? What?

This fever's worse than I thought.

Now, you're hallucinating.

Come on, bed.

-But the wall...

-Bed!

HE SIGHS

DOGS BARKING

CAMERA BEEPS

Ugh!

What is she doing?

Grim!

GROWLING

HE GASPS

Oh, great.

"Steals your body."

HE GASPS

-What happened to sleeping?

-Mum, she's a monster!

-Who?

-Mrs McMurtle, look!

I just saw her turn into that!

Stu, stop this. You're not well.

Look for yourself. She's bathing in melted cat food!

This is the little old lady across the street we're talking about?

She's also one of them!

I saw her change!

-A koekoeken!

-Enough.

If you're well enough to be making up stories,

you're well enough to go to school.

Wait.

If she's not a monster, then maybe she's losing her marbles.

Why else would someone do that?

Well, maybe you didn't see what you think you saw.

What if I did and she needs help?

We should call the police.

They can go over and check it out.

She could be in danger.

I'm not calling the police over this.

I'll go over and check out the garage.

What? No!

-Mum, you can't.

-Don't worry, I'm not going to embarrass you.

I won't tell her you were spying on her when you've should've been

in bed. I'll just pretend I'm there to borrow her lawn mower.

Mum, please. I don't want you going over there alone.

I think I can handle a little old lady.

Don't answer, don't answer.

Oh, no.

Mum, keep focused!

Man...

HE SIGHS

Be careful, Mum.

PHONE RINGS

Don't answer the phone!

What's that?

She'll be back soon!

The wall, Mum. The false wall.

Keep looking. I know it's there.

Yes, I knew it!

What?

No.

The bath, she's hidden it.

Turn around, Mum. Turn around!

Mum, behind you.

She's coming!

Oh, thank you. Your garage is...

No.

Kidding me.

Look what the monster sent over for you.

She's perfectly sane by the way, unlike some people.

That gardening stuff, it must've been a false wall or something.

She must've moved the bath.

We're not talking about this any more.

You are going straight back to bed,

while I take care something at the office.

-Since when?

-I got a call while I was at Mrs McMurtle's.

Don't worry. I've arranged a baby-sitter.

Thanks for the idea, by the way.

No more monsters!

Baby-sitter?

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, no.

DOORBELL RINGS

DOORBELL RINGS

Hello, duck. Aren't you going to invite me in?

So, your mum tells me you're ill?

What is it, duck? A poorly head?

You need vinegar and brown paper.

"Jack fell down and broke his crown.

"Up Jack got and home did trot as fast as he could caper.

"He went to bed and bound his head with vinegar and brown paper."

Care for a mint, duck?

Oh, well.

Your loss is my gain.

This old lady routine might work on my mum, but you don't fool me.

Routine?

I saw you in the garage.

I know you did, duck.

I made sure of it.

I got your attention with the delivery...

..and I allowed you to see my sure strength on the driveway.

And then, the garage.

GROWLING

You needed to see everything you saw today.

I wanted your mum to come over.

It only took one fake phone call to get her out of the house.

Why?

So, I could end up here...

with you...

alone.

Do you think you're the only one that spies on your neighbours, duck?

SHE CHUCKLES

I've seen you, at the end of every term,

break into your poor father's study and copy his exam questions.

I suppose you sell them on to fellow cheats at a price?

Bingo.

Why would you do all this?

What would you do, duck,

if at the end of your life you could start all over

by taking a fresh new body?

I've taken many forms over the years.

SCREAMING

When I acquired this body,

it wasn't much younger than you.

Acquired? You mean stole?

Oh, no, duck.

I didn't steal it.

It were given to me.

Just like you are going to give me yours.

I'm looking forward to being a boy again.

You looking for this?

I expect you're wondering about the cat food.

It's the taurine inside -

we need it for nourishment.

Of course, 500 years ago, there was no cat food.

We had to boil up cow's urine to sustain us.

SHE CHUCKLES

Can you imagine?

KNOB TURNS

KNOB TURNS AGAIN

I've written a letter, duck.

All I have to do is post it.

-What letter?

-To your school.

Imagine what they'd say when they find out that you've been selling

exam questions.

You'd be expelled...instantly.

People would know that you're a cheat.

Your father's the vice principal.

He'd be fired.

And your loving sister Kelly, she works so hard for her grades.

Imagine if people thought she were involved, too.

I don't want to do that.

I just want you to play the game.

What game?

The koekoeken are not without their morals, duck.

I can't just take your body.

First, I have to win it.

How?

Best of three games of chance - of the host's choosing.

And if you lose?

Then I stay in this body.

Sometimes the koekoeken don't live for ever.

It all depends on how well you play the game.

This game...

..it can be anything I choose?

Mm-hm.

OK, the game is heads or tails.

I call heads.

Oh, now, Stu.

You know I see everything,

including Mummy's little presents.

Choose another game.

I know.

Why don't we...

..play cards?

We both choose a card and the highest card wins,

so all you have to do is to pick a card higher than me.

Easy.

Oh, my dear duck.

What are the chances?

That's one-nil to me.

Lose again and you lose your body.

SHE GIGGLES

SHE GASPS

HE SIGHS

It's all down to the final game.

Winner takes all.

My turn to pick.

Oh, my.

You do know the only thing that beats a king is an ace?

I don't want to play any more.

If you don't play, you forfeit.

I win by default.

HE SIGHS

SHE GASPS

-Boom!

-No.

No!

HE CRACKS HIS KNUCKLES

SHE GASPS

You cheated!

It's not cheating.

It's winning without the pain.

You!

Stu, breakfast is ready.

Finish up, now. Can't be late this morning.

I'd show you a cool trick with those,

but I know you don't like cheating.

No, I don't know.

People can change...

..can't they, duck?

Turns out Kelly would do anything to protect you from being expelled,

including playing a harmless little card game.

What have you done?

Thank you for teaching me that camera trick, Stu,

otherwise I might never have beaten Kelly.

But it isn't cheating, right, duck?

It's simply...winning...

without the pain.

A quick cheat, a lifetime to regret.

So next time you feel like taking that short cut to victory,

think twice.

You never know who might be watching.