Spaceman Creeped Out


Spaceman

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The Curious.

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They say he collects strange tales.

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HE DRUMS

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And if you ever hear his whistle,

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you know something creepy is about to unfold.

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No-one knows where he's from...

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..or where he's going to.

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But it's said that his happenings are connected somehow.

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Just no-one knows how.

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Being away from home is scary enough.

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But imagine if home was on the other side of the universe,

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and you had no idea how you ever going to get back.

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Mum?

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Boo!

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Oh, come on.

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You're not even a little scared?

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Nothing scary happens in the country, remember?

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That's why you moved us here.

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I saw you flinch.

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You definitely flinched.

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How was your first day?

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What's this?

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Oh, they paired me up with this kid called Spud to show me around,

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who ate like ten bags of crisps.

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And whenever he spoke, he just sprayed them everywhere.

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Blah, blah, blah.

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-His name was Spud?

-It's a nickname, Mum.

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Ah!

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Oh, well, forget about him. I found you a new friend.

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-The neighbour's son.

-We have neighbours?

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All the way out here?

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-Yep, I invited him over.

-Mum!

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Come on, what's the worst that could happen?

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Hi, and you must be Henry.

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-MUFFLED:

-But everybody calls me Spud.

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Glynn Carnival, the kid that used to live in your house,

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had a fort up ahead.

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I guess it's yours now.

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Did you have a fort in London?

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We didn't have a garden.

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You didn't have a garden?

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What did you play on?

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Xbox.

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Glynn Carnival, he wouldn't shut up about this place.

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Said a World War II bomb had exploded here.

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If it's all the same to you, I think I'll be heading back.

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Oh, really?

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I'm on the final level of Battleworn.

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Are you sure this is a bomb crater?

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It looks more like a...

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..landing site.

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What kind of landing site do you find in the middle of nowhere?

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A crash landing one!

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Come on!

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I should tell you,

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this body's built for comfort, not for speed.

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Look!

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Where's the rest of it?

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Planes break up on impact. Parts spread over miles.

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I've never heard of any planes crashing round here.

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This is all overgrown.

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It must've happened years ago.

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There!

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I think this is the black box.

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Hello, it's not black.

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It's a recording device that tells you what caused the crash.

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You, sir, are a geek.

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You can seriously fix it?

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Man, you're a total genius.

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My best mate, a total genius.

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I think I'll need a bit more room.

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If we can hook some power up to it,

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we might be able to get this thing working.

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Is this going to take a while?

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Maybe I should sleep over.

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Oh, look at that.

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It's done.

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Well, go on, then.

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Aren't you going to press it?

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We don't know what that symbol means.

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What if it means, don't press it?

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Well, why bother fixing it if you don't want to find out what it does?

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You're still a genius to me.

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MACHINE POWERS ON

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FAINT HUMMING

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It works.

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Did you see it? Did you see it?

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What are you doing? It's the middle of the night!

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I've got to go find out what the purple light is.

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Come on.

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What? You scared?

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Yeah, I'm scared.

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Where I come from, you don't go out in the middle of the night.

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We'll go look in the morning.

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It's a light.

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How are we going to see it in the morning?

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Did you see that movie where the plane crashed on the mountain?

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And the passengers had no food, except these chocolate bars.

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And when the chocolate bars ran out, they started eating each other.

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If it came to it, would you eat me?

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Only to shut you up!

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That's where it's coming from.

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THEY SCREAM

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-We can do this.

-No, we can't.

-Yeah, we can.

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It's a space suit.

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No...

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It's some kind of...

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..escape capsule.

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A life-support system.

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Keeping him asleep until...

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No.

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There's no way it could stay powered up for this many years.

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Unless the technology was...

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BEEPING

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..alien.

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BEEPING

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What did you do?

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Run!

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THEY SCREAM

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-Mum, Mum!

-Thomas?

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Outside, someone's chasing us.

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OK, all right. I'm coming.

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What on earth were you doing outside, anyway?

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Good question.

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There!

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Wait here. Call the police.

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DOOR OPENS

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PHONE DIALS

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PHONE RINGS

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CAT HISSES

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But, if it's not outside, then...

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HEAVY BREATHING

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THEY GASP

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What planet is this?

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He's a kid.

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Check out his suit!

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I have been separated from my home.

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I must return to them. But for that, I need your help.

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-I should get my mum.

-No!

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She must not discover me.

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I can't lie to her.

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She'll call the police, Thomas.

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They'll take him away, and experiment on him.

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OK.

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So, your bogeyman was a cute, little kitty.

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I told you nothing scary ever happens in the country.

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Why were you outside anyway?

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BEEPING

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It was a stupid dare.

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We got carried away.

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I'm really glad you're making friends, Thomas,

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but the next time you decide to have a sleepover, let me know, OK?

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Now, go to bed.

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-That's the best you could come up with?

-What?

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It's the only thing my mum wouldn't miss.

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I wore it to my cousin's wedding.

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I can blend in, yes?

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Those symbols on your translator, is that your language?

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Yes, it is not as sophisticated as yours.

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No! What are you doing?

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It is highly sensitive.

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One wrong button, and that pod would launch,

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sending you hurtling endlessly through space.

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Coolness!

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What?!

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He doesn't look like aliens in the movies.

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Do you think he's got any freaky powers?

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HE SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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Hearing.

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What is that?

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I am laughing.

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Any more superpowers you want to tell us about?

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Telepathy, I can read minds.

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You, Thomas.

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You wish Spud's voicebox could be disabled.

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Spud, you are concerned Thomas will smell the gas you regularly emit

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from your body.

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What are you looking for?

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HE SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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It is a machine for communicating with my planet's satellites.

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With it, I can call my family.

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They will rescue me.

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It cannot be seen.

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Mate, have you not seen Cast Away?

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The parts of your ship will be spread out for miles.

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It literally could be anywhere.

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I saw where the...

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HE SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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..came down.

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It landed amongst rocks.

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What kind of rocks?

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That's the rock face. I know that place.

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Then you will lead us there.

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We are hiking.

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Not surviving an apocalypse.

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Got you something.

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Size six, right?

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They were my brother's. He's in the army now.

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Erm, thanks?

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So, where are you two adventurers going?

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To find a transmitter for an alien that needs to call his people?

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THEY LAUGH

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Well, say hi to your little, green friend for me.

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And be back before dark.

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THEY SIGH

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I'm all right, thanks.

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On your planet, are your alien movies about us?

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What is a movie?

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-How's your takeaways?

-Rays?

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What's your favourite flavour of crisps?

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You start to get used to it.

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No questions from you?

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What's your name?

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HE SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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Perhaps you give me an Earth name.

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Hm...

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I think you look like a Stan.

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Then, I am a Stan.

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ALARM BLARES

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Whoa, what's happening?

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You OK, Stan?

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My life-support, it is low.

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-Maybe we should go back.

-No!

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I have no choice.

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I need to get home.

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Thomas, I sense you understand.

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He needs to get home. Let's keep going.

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How much further? I don't know how long he can last.

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We have arrived.

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What's that up there?

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Is that your transmitter?

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HE GROANS

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LIFE SUPPORT BEEPS

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I must recharge my life support.

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Hurry, please.

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How we going to reach it?

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That big pack...

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..and you don't have a single thing in there we can throw up

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to hook a transmitter?

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Sorry, I didn't know it was going to be on the top of the cliff.

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We don't have time to argue.

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He's getting weak.

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-I'm going to climb up.

-Are you crazy?!

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I have to get home...

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..him home.

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Fine.

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What's my job?

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You stay there, and if I lose my balance, you can break my fall.

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He offends you.

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Glynn Carnival couldn't get far enough away from me.

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Now, him.

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As the only kid for miles around, it's hard not to take it personally.

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He thinks of old friends, not new ones.

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He thinks of you.

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You're new.

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I've got it.

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Thomas, my people are forever in your debt.

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Aren't you going to charge your life-support system?

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He needs to call home first.

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It's important.

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Thank you.

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For what?

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Thomas, you understand.

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I miss home too.

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SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE

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After it's done, I must sleep.

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This is where we say goodbye...

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..for now.

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SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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This is the coolest thing that will ever happen to us.

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SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE

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-What are you doing?

-Think about it, Spud.

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We'd have the world's first alien selfie.

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Yeah, you and your best mate.

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CAMERA CLICKS

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That looks like the transmitter on Stan's chest.

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This is the message from the leader of your army,

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Commander Kirkroy.

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I am alive, and have discovered our target planet.

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-What have you done now?

-That's Stan's voice.

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Leader of an army?

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I am sending you the coordinates of my pod.

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Hone in on it for my location.

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I've made contact with the inhabitant,

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and learned they are a pathetic race who will offer no resistance.

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Let a full scale invasion commence.

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He's no kid.

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End of transmission.

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Stan's a baddie.

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You lied to us.

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I never said I was a child. You judge on looks.

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Ask Spud, the boy you reject, because he is covered in fried

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potato crumbs.

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Thanks to you, my army are now zeroing in on this pod.

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Do not feel bad, human.

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You've only helped destroy your entire planet.

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Hey, Commander Stan,

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it's customary on our planet to grant the prisoners of war one

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-last request.

-What are you doing?

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HE SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE

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What are your requests, children?

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Just that...

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..I want my mum to know I love her.

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Oh. And you?

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I was just curious.

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What's the alien word for launch?

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Launch.

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Thank you.

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THEY COUGH

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No!

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Hurtling endlessly through space.

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The coordinates your army locked on to from your pod's tracker...

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..are going to be in the middle of nowhere.

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-Spud, you just saved the world.

-Yes!

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I'm sorry, man, but you kind of started it, so...

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At least he looks like us.

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He'll be able to blend in.

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Looks can be deceiving.

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But what about instincts?

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We all trust them...

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..like we trust our friends.

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But should we?

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Take a real close look at yours.

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Are they really who they say they are?

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