Browse content similar to Episode 2. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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-Leave Harry Batt alone! -I'm just tickling his conk. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
'Allo, 'Arry! | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
-Good day to you. I'm Dick. -Which makes me, Dom. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
And this is our diary, which has some of our best bits in it. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
What are you doing? You never used to be this house proud. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
MUSIC: "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead | 0:00:19 | 0:00:23 | |
Well, I didn't need to be HOUSE proud cos we lived in a bungalow! | 0:00:23 | 0:00:27 | |
Ah, the memories... Remember when the bungalow heads used to beat you up? | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
SHOUTING AND BANGING | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
Good, innit? | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
Actually, that used to happen every week, didn't it, Dom? | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Dom? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
Let's get started. Here's the opening titles. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
# These are the diaries of Dick and Dom | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
# They had a bungalow that you could come along | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
# Played the maddest games you've ever seen | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
# And the oddballs in between | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
# The diaries of Dick and Dom | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
# The diaries of Dick and Dom | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
# The prize idiot and the neighbour's cat | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
# Melvin O'Doom and dear Harry Batt | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
# Creamy Muck Muck Dirty Norris | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
# And mushy peas | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
# And don't forget bogies! | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
-# The diaries of Dick and Dom -In da bungalow | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
-# The diaries of Dick and Dom -In da bungalow | 0:01:19 | 0:01:24 | |
-# The diaries of Dick and Dom -In da bungalow | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
-# The diaries of Dick and Dom -In da bungalow. # | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
# You're beautiful You're beautiful | 0:01:29 | 0:01:34 | |
# You're beautiful It's true... # | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
The following stuff and nonsense from Dick and Dom in da bungalow | 0:01:37 | 0:01:41 | |
was first shown live between 2002 and 2006. Enjoy. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:47 | |
# You're beautiful It's true | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
# There must be an angel... # | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
-# The diaries of Dick and Dom -In da bungalow. # | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
# It's a high powered game of strategy | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
# Just guess what's in the box and you will see | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
# The best games from the bungalow | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
# But if you run It'll be the end of the show | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
# It's Game Or No Game. # | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Hello, it's me, little Noelie Muckmans here. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
Now I think it's fair to say that I added a certain amount of highbrow | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
content to the bungalow with my thought-provoking game of strategy, | 0:02:24 | 0:02:28 | |
Muck Or No Muck. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
It's me, Little Noelie, with the show that only asks one question. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
Muck Or No Muck? | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
High rewards, high risks, | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
which we are about to recreate right here, right now. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
Two boxes. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
One contains the name of a game which you see on the board over there. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:53 | |
If you choose that box, we play that game, no questions asked. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:57 | |
The other box contains no game. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:58 | |
Choose that box and it's game over. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
Finito, kaput, sayonara... | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
diddly squit! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
# Diddly, diddly diddly, diddly...squit! # | 0:03:07 | 0:03:12 | |
So there's no pressure. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
So now it's time to ask that all-important question. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
Game or no game? | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
Choose your box. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
So you wanna go for this box? | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
Definitely this one, not this one? | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Definite. Really? Really? | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
You really sure? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
He's really sure about this. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
Let's take a look. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
Fingers crossed for you. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Oh, great gameplay there, perfect strategy! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
It's the Baby Race. Being able to run before you can walk. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
It's the Olympian dream in nappies. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
# Baby race We got the cutest little baby race | 0:03:46 | 0:03:50 | |
# Who'll be the winner Of this happy, sloppy, nappy chase? | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
# You'll see them crawl on their tum They've got a rash on their bum | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
# It's the bungalow baby race | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
# The bungalow baby race! # | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Yes, the babies are here. In they come! | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Come on in. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
So here come the runners and riders. Baby Anna with Gino and Jo. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
7/2. Recently victorious in the Alabama Hammer Slammer Stakes. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
Rides as Revenge Of The Piggy. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
-And baby number two. -This is baby Miranda with Angela and Justin. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:19 | |
3/1, eagerly awaited return. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:20 | |
Better known as Piccalilli Alvadandee | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
Baby number three. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Baby Buddy with Nancy and Richie. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
10/1. Only second time out for this rider. Likes it soft underfoot. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
-Better known as Paratus Ping Pong Poodle. -Coochie-coo! | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
Baby number four. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Baby Liam with Louise and James. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
25/1. Excitable. And what a picture there. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Familiar to viewers as Andrew Lloyd Webber's Trout Farm. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
And the last one! | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Number five, baby Molly with Amanda and Tina. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
5/1, can be an over-eager runner. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Rides, of course, as Grizzly J Adams. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
And finally... | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Baby number six, baby Eden with Tracy and David. | 0:05:01 | 0:05:04 | |
Ridden four, lost four. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:06 | |
A naughty rider under the name of Dog Town And The Z Boys. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:09 | |
Starting positions, please, and start your engines. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:14 | |
Rev them up! Rev 'em up! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Come on! Here we go! | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
Right! Ready, set... | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
go! | 0:05:21 | 0:05:22 | |
Under starter's orders, they're off! | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
Quite a clear lead there, I think, as baby being plonked | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
along the course by his mum, given a head start there. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
What will the judges say? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
Grizzly J Adams there making a run. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
Being lifted up and put down again | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
on the course in the hope that will help him. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
Nothing's moving quite as fast as we'd like. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
Dog Town And The Z Boys just crying. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Crying at the prospect of this misery race. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
Come on! | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
Lloyd Webber's Trout Farm makes a run for it, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:49 | |
maybe assisted by his trainer, we don't know. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:51 | |
And what a lovely run there for Ping Pong Poodle! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Ping Pong Poodle all the way over the line! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Ping Pong Poodle's over the line! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
Ping Pong Poodle takes it! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
We have a winner. Liam, Liam, Liam... | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
Spin yourself round. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
You've won that! | 0:06:08 | 0:06:09 | |
Now, baby Liam might have won the race. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
But the action wasn't over yet. Take a look at this. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
-He's walking! -It's a miracle! It's a miracle! -He's walking! | 0:06:16 | 0:06:23 | |
-He's walking! -You saw it here first! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
Come on, walk, walk... Walk to me. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:30 | |
Oh, it's a miracle! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
It's a miracle! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:35 | |
# Roll up, roll up It's time to meet | 0:06:36 | 0:06:39 | |
# They're strangely talented They're unique | 0:06:39 | 0:06:42 | |
# Roll up, roll up It's time to meet | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
# They're strangely talented They're unique. # | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
It's...Chicken Head Man! | 0:06:47 | 0:06:51 | |
# I can't seem to face up to the facts | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
# I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
# Don't touch me My head's on fire | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
# I get in by chicken wire | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
# Cos I'm psycho chicken I have to say... # | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
HE IMITATES CHICKEN | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
# Better run, run, run, run away. # | 0:07:08 | 0:07:13 | |
It's 10 out of 10. Oh no, nothing. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
One out of 10! Really, really bad. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
Eight out of 10. "Pointless but fantastic." | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
-Nine. -Spiffinuous. -What? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
-Spiffinuous. -Spiffinuous! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
"Very, very weird, with character." | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
Please welcome Rubber Richie! | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
Hey, look at that. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
He's our flexible friend. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
Argh! | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
-No way! -Don't try that one! | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Get away! No, no! Get out! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
Is that it? Rubber Richie! | 0:07:54 | 0:07:58 | |
Ten. "Because it's horrible and wicked." | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
-Wicked! -You put five out of 10. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
-"Lose the lip." Were you doing that? -What were you doing? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
You just don't want him to have any lips. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
Eight out of 10. "Weirdo." | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
You're a weirdo. Yes, you are. You're a weirdo. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
Magician Ellie, because she's a bit angry | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
at not being very good at magic, she's given you two. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
And she said, "Silly and boring." | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
It is Dom the Whistler and his wife. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
HE WHISTLES "The Entertainer" by Scott Joplin | 0:08:26 | 0:08:30 | |
His wife looks impressed. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
Numbers coming up later. | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
Rubbish! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:51 | |
-"Brilliant!" -Thank you. -"Fantastic, wicked." -Thank you! | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
"Pants, you should do the pants dance." | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
-I was gonna stand on me head. -You were gonna stand on your head? | 0:08:57 | 0:09:01 | |
Give us the splits quickly. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
Dom the Whistler and his wife. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
Remember him if he was your favourite. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
# He's a cat in a flap It's a matter of fact | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
# That he likes a good chat All about this and that | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
# He's a bungalow star And he's your chocolate bar | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
# So there's no turning back From the Cat Flap. # | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
Gadzooks, away with you now. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
You'll be wanting the little fella downstairs. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
Hello there, Cat here. Life has treated me well since the bungalow. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
I'm now a friend to the stars. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
But I haven't forgotten my roots. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
Oh, no. I always remember my travel reports for the bungalow | 0:09:38 | 0:09:42 | |
with great affection. Ah... | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
Wetwang is a hive of activity | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
and I think I've found the nerve centre of it all. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:50 | |
It's Wetwang Community Hall, and today is bingo day! | 0:09:50 | 0:09:56 | |
Right-ho, ladies and gentlemen. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
Eyes down, looking. Let's bingo-go-go... Two and six...71. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:03 | |
Clickety-click...58. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Two vicars in a lift...67. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
All the eights...nine. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
-House! -Oh! | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
Well done. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:15 | |
Please pick up your prize of two pork chops. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
The rest of you, thank you, | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
ladies and gentlemen, see you same time next week. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:23 | |
My, my... Who is this mysterious lady who's left behind? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
Oh... | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
She's... She's... | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
..beautiful. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:39 | |
# Love lift us up where we belong | 0:10:45 | 0:10:49 | |
# Where the eagles cry | 0:10:50 | 0:10:55 | |
# On a mountain high... # | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
HE BREAKS WIND | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
# Love lifts us up where we belong | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
# Where the eagles cry On a mountain high | 0:11:03 | 0:11:12 | |
# Love lift us up Where we belong... # | 0:11:12 | 0:11:17 | |
Come on, love, let's go home. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
Oh... | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
# Love lifts us up where we belong... # | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
Oh, bingo lady, you heart breaker! | 0:11:33 | 0:11:38 | |
but what about my other friends from the bungalow? | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Remember, Mr Choosy? | 0:11:41 | 0:11:42 | |
Whenever there was a raging debate or a simple question that needed | 0:11:42 | 0:11:47 | |
an answer then Mr Choosy would resolve the situation | 0:11:47 | 0:11:50 | |
in a calm and soothing manner by popping his balloon head. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
Hello, Mr Choosy. Here he is. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
Here comes Mr Choosy. Choosy, Choosy, Choosy, choose... | 0:11:57 | 0:12:01 | |
So, without any more dithering or indecisiveness, | 0:12:06 | 0:12:10 | |
let's welcome Mr Choosy! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
So, Mr Choosy, if you had to decide, | 0:12:14 | 0:12:17 | |
what would be your favourite bungalow moment? | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
CHEERY MUSIC PLAYS | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
Thank you. More from Mr Choosy | 0:12:31 | 0:12:33 | |
and my other friends from the bungalow coming your way soon. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
SLAPPING AND SHRIEKING | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Heavens to Betsy. Will someone get that cat out of here? | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
Oh, keep your hair on, Terry. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
SIREN WAILS Nobody move! | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
# Bursting on the scene with a "Nobody move!" | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
# He's a Geordie cop With a case to prove | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
# So gangsters, burglars And cheeky juveniles | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
# He'll get you bang to rights | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
# And slap you in the Batt Files | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
# Batt Files! # | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
Why-aye! The name's Battman. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
That's not Battman, as in the flying superhero rodent, | 0:13:08 | 0:13:13 | |
that's Detective Inspector Harry Batt, | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
as in TV celebrity Geordie copper. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
Now then I've been investigating the villains of the bungalow underworld, | 0:13:19 | 0:13:24 | |
namely the bungalow heads themselves. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:27 | |
How do innocent little cherubs like this... | 0:13:27 | 0:13:31 | |
TINKLING OF HARP | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
..turn into mindless, gobby monsters like this? | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
BANGING AND SHRIEKING | 0:13:37 | 0:13:39 | |
It makes me want to weep, man, cry meself to sleep. | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
Right! PC Prize Idiot, bring into today's first crime lord. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
Lord Crime, DI Harry Batt... DI Harry Batt, | 0:13:51 | 0:13:55 | |
Lord Crime. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
How are you getting on, on the first day in your new job? | 0:13:57 | 0:14:01 | |
Actually, being a police officer's no different | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
to being a prize idiot on the bungalow. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
Get out. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
You, come and sit yourself down here. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Right then, name... | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
Jack - bungalow aged 10, aged now 16! | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
We have grown up a bit, haven't we? | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
Well, I think we both know why you're here, don't we? Let's have a look. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
Let's meet the bungalow heads. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
Do more, go and do it more. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
Did you see that? Did you see that? | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
You're like a reversed rabbit. Come back. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
That is the best... that is the... | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
-18 bungalow points. -I just made it up. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
-And what do you call that dance? -The Butt dance. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
Men of the nation, it's a good way to pull the ladies, isn't it? | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
-The Butt dance on the dance floor. -Jack, young shaver, me lad, | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
has this Butt dance been a hit with the ladies of the nation? | 0:15:02 | 0:15:07 | |
-Oh, you have no idea, I've been inundated by the ladies. -Really? | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
-Yeah. -All right, got any numbers? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
-Yeah, a fair few, more than you. -Oh really? | 0:15:13 | 0:15:17 | |
-Mmm. -Don't you worry about me, love. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:19 | |
I'm combing birds out of my moustache every day of the week. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:23 | |
Right, it says this irresponsible behaviour led to a bit of a craze? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:29 | |
Come on! Give us a bit of Butt Dance. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
Come on! Get your bum out! | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
No doubt this went to your head when they unveiled a plaque to you. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:52 | |
In honour of Bungalow Head Jack, here 8th and 9th March 2003. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:03 | |
He was the creator of Da Butt Dance! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:07 | |
Come on, come on bungalow heads! | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Yeah, it's gonna sweep the nation. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
Yeah, Jack, you invented it, mate. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:23 | |
It's the Butt dance. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
We'll get him back here as well... Jack. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
We salute you... | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
Absolutely shocking! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
How you got anything you can say in your defence about that? | 0:16:32 | 0:16:38 | |
It was a craze that swept the nation so... | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
-A craze that swept the nation? -He said so. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
Don't believe everything he says. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:46 | |
Mostly he talks rubbish. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:47 | |
-Both of them... -Sounds like a certain detective I know. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:51 | |
Why, who's that? | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
-You... -Me! | 0:16:53 | 0:16:55 | |
I talk rubbish, me? | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
I never talk rubbish, didn't I? Eh? | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
Clear as a bell, son. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
Anything for mitigating circumstances as to why I shouldn't send you doon? | 0:17:02 | 0:17:07 | |
Save me the humiliation | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
of being sentenced by a man with a middle-aged woman's hairstyle. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:14 | |
Have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror lately? | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
It's like you've jammed your fingers in a socket! | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
What kind of haircut's that? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
Let's wrap this up. It's all getting a bit academic. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
I think you've grown up quite a lot, and wouldn't attempt that silliness | 0:17:27 | 0:17:32 | |
in the general public any more. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
I've decided I'm going to let you go. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
Oh, just a minute before you go. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
Sit yourself back down, son. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
I've just found this, er... | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
One of these new-fangled cassette tapes. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
I wonder what's on it? | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
Let's put it in here, shall we? | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
Nice action. | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
I bet you're dying to press play and see what's on it, aren't you? | 0:18:01 | 0:18:05 | |
Hmm? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
Just let your fingers do the walking. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
Press the button. That's it, son. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
You know you want to. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
Let yourself go. Go on. Press it! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Aye, there you go. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
Got you bang to rights. You've not reformed at all. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Right PC Prize Idiot. | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
Not you as well. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
Right. Get him out of here and take yourself with him. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
Off! | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
SIRENS AND CRASH | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
# Here's the pick of the show And a long-running blow | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
# To the hoity-toity folk Who don't enjoy a joke. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
# If you've got a heart condition Or a nervous disposition | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
# Go and buy some earplugs And call a good physician | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
-# Cos we're gonna shout... -"Bogies!" | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
-# Till we're banned from every building in the world. -Bogies! -# | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
Its Premier League bogies where we play it where other people dare not. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:24 | |
We are about to play it at Bournemouth University | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
in a media studies lecture full of sweaty students. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
So we turn to one of this nation's great seats of learning, | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
Bournemouth University for Premier League bogies. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:39 | |
Some of the stuff's excellent. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
-Nearly half the year... -Bogies. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
Very tentative 1.0. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:49 | |
Bogies. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:52 | |
McCourt, 1.4. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
..A positive future. Envisage a perfect world. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
This lecture, all about the Utopian society or perfect world. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:07 | |
The boys sporting the relevant protective headwear. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:12 | |
-Bogies. -With the tiniest degree of improvement on the previous effort. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:19 | |
Just stays in the game with a 1.5. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
..that and the other stuff that's in the discussion area. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:27 | |
-Bogies. -Sorry? -Don't answer. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:33 | |
-2.7. -..Bad play. The term comes from John Stuart Mill. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:37 | |
It's actually his text on Liberty... | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
..Jeremy Bentham's Cacotopia, which means the worst. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
-We'll be talking about Bentham... -Who will be the worst in this match? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:51 | |
The cacotopian. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
-We're looking at that next term. -Bogies. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
At 2.8. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:01 | |
This young lady wouldn't want him in her Utopia or anywhere near it. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:06 | |
..Origins lie in one of the earliest texts - in the Bible. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:13 | |
Laura said very interestingly, I didn't think of this actually... | 0:21:13 | 0:21:16 | |
..the Garden of Eden... | 0:21:16 | 0:21:18 | |
Surprisingly they did not go to university, but they are here now. | 0:21:18 | 0:21:22 | |
Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden... | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
2.8 to beat. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
They lost the right to live in a Utopia... | 0:21:27 | 0:21:29 | |
-Bogies. -Ooh! | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
Look, if anyone has anything to say, can they say it? | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
Sorry, sir. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
-Thank you. -3.5. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
-Food for thought. -..The Cold War. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
The Cold War was in the '60s... | 0:21:45 | 0:21:48 | |
'50s, '60s, '70s, right into the '80s, really. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:52 | |
Brought about by 1984. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:53 | |
He didn't like that. We must respect his memory. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
-Bogies! -Ooh! what a fantastic Bogie, that's 4.8. First-class with honours. | 0:21:56 | 0:22:01 | |
So, um, | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
um, kind of pertinent these days... | 0:22:04 | 0:22:08 | |
It seems to have unsettled McCourt. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
George Orwell... otherwise known as Eric Blair... | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
Has he done enough? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
..He came up with that in 1948. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:24 | |
It doesn't appear that McCourt has anything left. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
No, there it is, he has resigned. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:34 | |
Just leave. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
-Bogies! -There's the winner. Only a 4.8. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
-Another stimulating journey through the Dick and Dom annals. -Annals? | 0:22:40 | 0:22:46 | |
Yes, annals. What treat do you think we should leave them with, dear? | 0:22:46 | 0:22:51 | |
Well, you know I have no truck. | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
-Truck? -Truck with celebrity. | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
Oh, yes, yes, you're often filmed and photographed | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
denouncing the media circus that feeds off our brittle creative souls. | 0:22:58 | 0:23:04 | |
But I did look good. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
Oh, yes, always, darling. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
Oh, good. So we thought we'd show you the Muck Muck awards ceremony, | 0:23:08 | 0:23:13 | |
highlighting our disdain and disregard for meaningless trinkets. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:19 | |
Please welcome your host for the evening, Terry Bumbum. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:29 | |
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome | 0:23:37 | 0:23:43 | |
to the most prestigious awards in television, | 0:23:43 | 0:23:45 | |
the 2004 Creamy Muck Muck awards. | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
Being here this morning reminds me of when I was slopping about | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
in the long-running West End mess, | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
Whoops Mrs Chiselbob You're Sitting On My Norris. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
And I was working with these two lads here at the time | 0:23:56 | 0:24:00 | |
and they gave me this advice, "Always be good to your Muck Muck | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
"and your Muck Muck will be good to you." | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
Dick let go a rasping trump and Dom turned to me and said, | 0:24:06 | 0:24:10 | |
"How about that for growing your roses?" Remember, boys? | 0:24:10 | 0:24:14 | |
Bravo! | 0:24:15 | 0:24:16 | |
Without any more further ado, let's look at the nominees | 0:24:16 | 0:24:21 | |
for the first award - Best Use of Dirty Norris. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:27 | |
And the nominations are... | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
Berty Splat in Mum, It Smells. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:34 | |
Elizabeth Blotch in Daniel, Get Down. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
And a popular choice here, Melvin O'Doom in Don't Do It Again. | 0:24:37 | 0:24:42 | |
CHEERING | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
The winner is - Melvin O'Doom for Don't Do It Again. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:50 | |
Well, a big year for Melvin O'Doom. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:54 | |
And what a way to start. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:55 | |
His performance already has won him two Droopy awards. | 0:24:55 | 0:25:00 | |
There he goes, accepting the award. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
Wonderful. He'll be very happy with that. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
Well done, Melvin. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
-Speech, speech! -Speech! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
I'd just like to thank my mum, my dad, my sister Shaniqua | 0:25:13 | 0:25:18 | |
and the Institute of Creamy Muck Muck for all their help. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:22 | |
Lovely, Melvin O'Doom. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
They will be proud of him. With that bucket on his head, he's a winner. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:30 | |
Lovely. So let's get straight along with award two, which is for best | 0:25:30 | 0:25:34 | |
Bloppily Wobbily Splitty Splatty Mushy Doo-Dah Plop Monster. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:38 | |
And the nominations are... | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
David Sloppiplopsky. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
Nora Chutneybox. And David Beckham. It's a tight category. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:48 | |
I can't put a pin between them. But the winner is... | 0:25:48 | 0:25:53 | |
He's won everything else - David Beckham. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
Beckham, no stranger to award ceremonies of course. | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
Usually sports awards, like best kicker or nicest hairdo. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:02 | |
He's very lucky to win this award. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
-There you go, David. -Accepting the award graciously, there he goes. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:10 | |
There you go. Would you like to say a few words, David? | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
Yeah, it's fantastic. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:18 | |
There you go, David. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:20 | |
Happy man. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
And so, we come to the final award this morning | 0:26:27 | 0:26:31 | |
which is a very, very special award indeed. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:35 | |
The lifetime achievement award for services to Creamy Muck Muck. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:40 | |
APPLAUSE Yeah, yeah. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:42 | |
And the nominees are... | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
Dick and Dom. APPLAUSE | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
Thank you. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:50 | |
Dick and Dom. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
Come on! | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
And finally, Dick and Dom. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:58 | |
Well... | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
I certainly wouldn't like to choose, but let's find out who it is. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
-It's a complete surprise, it's Dick and Dom. -Yeah! | 0:27:04 | 0:27:08 | |
Ah. There he is receiving it. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
Well done, mate. Nice one. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:18 | |
Hold on. Hold on, I would like to say a few words. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
We'd like to say thank you and also this is the bit | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
where I have to stick my fingers in the air and say, "Go, Go, Go!" | 0:27:26 | 0:27:32 | |
Yeah! Creamy Muck Muck! Yeah! | 0:27:32 | 0:27:37 | |
MUSIC: "The Ace of Spades" by Motorhead | 0:27:37 | 0:27:40 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
Email [email protected] | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 |