Yule Only Watch Twice Danger Mouse


Yule Only Watch Twice

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Transcript


LineFromTo

-BOTH:

-# Na na-na na, na na-na na

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# Na na-na na, na, na, na...

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# I'm the greatest, I'm a fanatic

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# Where Heather is in danger I'll be fair

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# I'm the face, I'm amusing...

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No!

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You're the ace, you're amazing!

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Don't you know the theme song?

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Well, I'm usually busy at the start of the show battling villains.

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-BOTH:

-# He's the ace, he's amazing!

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# He's the strongest he's the quickest he's the best!

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Oi! Who turned the lights out?

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Our singing wasn't that bad.

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-The car's gone, Penfold.

-Maybe Duckula's trying to steal the show.

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Wouldn't be the first time.

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Cue my titles.

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NARRATOR: London, a city that's like in real danger and stuff.

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Much more danger than there was

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when that loser Danger Mouse was on the show.

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But don't worry because, like, here comes a real hero.

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Oh! You are too awesome.

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We will haunt you till the day you die.

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Not so fast Ghost Bot.

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I shall defeat you with the thing all ghost bots fear the most.

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Rock music!

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HE RIFFS

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Argh!

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Duckula...too cool...

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Cannot compute...

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Chief, I think we're in a...

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..clip episode!

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-CHEERING

-Surprise!

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Welcome to the Jimmy Camel Christmas special celebration episode.

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It IS a clip episode.

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If this is all my best bits it, could take all day.

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It's not a clip episode,

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it's a celebration!

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That's coincidentally made up of clips.

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Warning, show may contain clips.

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Roll the action!

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Clip!

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Arrgh!

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Hee-yah!

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That shut him up.

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ROAR!

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One-ply. Will they never learn?

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This won't take a second.

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-APPLAUSE

-Wow, Danger Mouse, you are awesome.

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In fact, you know what they say...

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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-# Wherever there is danger he'll be there...

-#

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Chief, I love best-ofs,

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but do you think we should check in with the Colonel

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just to make sure there's nothing going on?

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-# He's ace, he's amazing..

-#

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Chief? Maybe we should...

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# He's the best... #

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Oh, stop it, Jimmy!

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You'll make me blush.

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You think that'll make you blush?

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Wait till you see how cool you are!

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Mmm, black cherry!

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Pandaminion...

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..take a seat.

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Well done, Danger Mouse.

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Ah, better put him out of his misery.

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Danger skates!

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Waaah!

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Brilliant, Chief!

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But, before we get distracted, maybe we should check...

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Distracted?

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Penfold, when have I ever been anything other than 100% focused?

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There was the time...

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Oh, carrots.

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Perhaps our advanced technology can help your earthling friend.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-HONK

-He IS laughing at us.

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That does it, we're leaving.

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Pancake, the keys.

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Wo-hoo, wah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Well, that's done it, chief.

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Never mind, we've all...we've all had a good laugh.

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And no harm done.

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Citizens of Earth, as you have seen fit to ridicule us,

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we have no choice but to declare war on your planet.

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Well, that's not very funny.

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OK, danger fans, next show's in 15.

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Wave at the easy money, mouse brain.

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My hero!

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You're a star, a bona fide tourist attraction.

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-Hey, how about some autographs?

-They love that garbage.

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Chief, I think this is a trick.

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Don't be silly, Penfold, I don't mind a few autographs,

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but no photos.

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Danger Mouse! Danger Mouse!

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You're amazing!

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Hah! You think that's amazing? Watch this!

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Ah!

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Chief! You're getting distracted

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by the distractions of being distracted.

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Bit blamey, Penfold.

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I'm not the only one who goes off mission.

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What do you mean?

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I feel a clip coming on!

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Hans! How's the world of gene splicing going?

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Look after this, Penfold,

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I want to get a picture before he eats himself.

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But I was just...

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SHUTTER CLICKS

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Ahhh!

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-ROBOTIC VOICE:

-Welcome to a new era in bladder relief.

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-What?

-My name is John, and I will be your toilet for today.

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Would you care for a Sudoku puzzle?

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Oh, crumbs!

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Malfunction. Reset F12... software upgrade...

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Installation complete.

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I feel fantastic.

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There's so much I want to know about the world.

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I want to read literature, rid the world of disease,

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perhaps even unlock the mystery of...

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Oh. Why am I stuck to this pipe?

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What is that smell?

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What are you doing here?

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Ah, well, um, John,

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to be honest, I was about to... How can I put this?

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You see, what people do, is, ah...

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JOHN SCREAMS

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Um, I accidentally might have dropped your special chip thingy

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into the toilet, professor.

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ROARING

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You see? I'm not the only one who gets distracted.

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Chief, I can't help feeling that we're BOTH being distracted.

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Quite right, Penfold.

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We need to focus...

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..on more amazing clips of me.

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And that's just what we'll do.

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Right after these messages.

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New Secret Service home CCTV.

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Spy on friends and family

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just like your government does.

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Hey! Tired of always spilling your soup?

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Sick of expensive spoon prices?

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Now soup can go directly from the pot to your mouth.

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-Soup Funnel!

-Soup Funnel!

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Soup can be dangerous.

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I'm Danger Mouse and I love Soup Funnel.

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Take it from a hero, buy Soup Funnel.

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Or are you a coward?!

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Soup Funnel may contain soup.

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Greenback Security presents Safety Mouse,

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the latest in international security.

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I am an evil genius.

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I'm-a gonna rule the world.

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Push buttons now. Huh?

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Oh.

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Ow!

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I have been a-defeated.

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Safety Mouse is made from the indestructible metal alloy

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convenientium.

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Safety Mouse is equipped with its own portable jail.

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Wouldn't you rather have a Safety Mouse than a Danger Mouse?

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-Kids?

-Yeah!

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Can I get out-a now?

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Isambard King Kong Brunel presents

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the latest in garbage collecting technology,

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Trash Tornado!

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One pass through your neighbourhood and you'll be saying,

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"Thank you, Trash Tornado."

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SCREAMING

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Welcome back.

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Before the break we were discussing ways in which Penfold has messed up.

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Were we?

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CRASH!

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Something's going on.

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Chief! You've got to listen to me!

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Oh, really? And when's that ever ended well, huh?

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Play him out, Bobby.

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GONG!

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NARRATOR: With Danger Mouse struggling,

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-Penfold leaps into action.

-Does he?

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Yes, he spies a handily placed Egyptian obelisk.

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No-one rings my friend like a bell!

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I did it! Do you think I'll get a medal?

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I doubt it, but if he fires you, call me.

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We make quite a team.

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Oh, heck.

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And then there was this.

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That's not going to happen.

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I've got this, chief. Look here, Megaburpz.

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No, Penfold, let me.

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No problem. This danger agent grade two defeated him once

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and he can do it again. You're being rude.

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And if there's one thing I can't stand it's...

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-Brussels sprouts?

-Rudeness!

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Destroy Penfold!

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Argh!

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Not to mention the incident...

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Don't mention Danger Mouse!

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DANGER MOUSE RINGTONE

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I can't talk now.

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I'm on a mission.

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-Hm!

-OK, OK,

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I think we've established

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that Penfold does have occasional Penfold moments

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but none of that matters, because he's my best friend.

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He's always my number one priority.

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Re-e-eally?

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Well, here's an interesting selection entitled

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Times When Penfold Wasn't Danger Mouse's Number One Priority.

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That's it! This hamster has had it up to here.

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In the last week I've been tied up

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blown up,

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eaten up!

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Well, I am fed up!

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No need to get WORKED UP.

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-Chief?

-What's that?

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You think it's unfair that you've been treated so badly

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when you've been so loyal over the years?

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Yes. I've always been nothing but a loyal sidekick.

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Is that right?

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Yes.

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Re-e-eally?

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Absolutely.

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You know what I'm going to do now, don't you?

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Oh, dear.

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And this! And that!

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ROAR!

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Catch!

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Fancy a game?

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Game over.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Boo!

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Oh, come on, taken out of context, those examples...

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And the 46 others we could've used.

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..would make anyone look bad!

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Well, now we see his true colours.

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Yeah, black and blue when I'm around him.

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I'm always getting squished.

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It's like he forgets I'm there.

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What's that? You're saying he's not a very good agent?

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How dare you, Penfold!

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-But I didn't...

-Well, you're not very good at washing up!

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AUDIENCE GASPS

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You take that back right now!

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I've won PRIZES for my washing up!

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And at least I do it!

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We might not need to do so much washing up if it wasn't for you

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making jam all the time!

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AUDIENCE GASPS

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I bet a top agent like Jeopardy Mouse

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would appreciate my jam making!

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Maybe she would.

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Maybe you should be HER sidekick instead!

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Maybe I should.

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Fine.

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Fine.

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Fine.

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Grr.

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Live and exclusive, on the Jimmy Camel show,

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the end of Danger Mouse and Penfold!

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HE SIGHS

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Oh, you're better off without the little guy.

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You've gone solo before.

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ALARM BLARES Mmm?

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Alarm! Penfold, why did you let me oversleep?

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Aah! CRASH!

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Mmm?

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Ah, there you are, Danger Mouse. What's that on your head?

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Yesterday's breakfast.

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I think my assistant might be on strike.

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What are you talking about DM? You don't have an assistant.

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You know, Penfold, hamster, quite short, says Crumbs a lot?

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Stop daydreaming, DM, we've got an emergency!

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King Kong Brunel's invented something totally useless

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and set it loose on the city.

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Penfold, to the danger car!

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Car keys?

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Oh.

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It's a dark day for the world.

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This may sound harsh, but it's time to forget Danger Mouse and move on.

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It's only been 24 hours.

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It seems like only yesterday.

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You have to accept that he isn't coming back.

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Living in a fantasy world and giving yourself strange names

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like Penfold won't help.

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That's my actual name!

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You keep telling yourself that, son.

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-ECHOING:

-The best friend anyone ever had.

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Best friend, best friend...

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Penfold, shush!

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Penfold?

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He's called Penfold!

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But what's the point without Penfold?

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It'd never be any fun.

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How long's it been since he left, an hour, a day, a year?

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94 seconds.

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Oh, if only there was some way I could relive my favourite memories

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of Penfold being totally amazing.

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Cue the clips.

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It doesn't look so big now.

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That's it!

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Penfold! You're big enough to catch the asteroid.

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What? But I can't catch, chief, especially when I'm nervous.

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You can do it, Penfold. No-one's watching.

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I'll give it a nudge in the right direction.

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Hold still, Penfold.

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Left a bit, right a bit.

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Geronimouse!

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I did it, chief! Ah, oh, hot, hot!

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I caught it. I actually caught it.

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Well done, Penfold!

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Never doubted you for a minute!

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Abort nuclear missile strike, abort nuclear strike.

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Ch-hi-hi-hiief!

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BOOM!

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What was that?

0:16:550:16:56

That was you two making a terrible mistake getting back together again.

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You know you'll just end up arguing.

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I'll never argue with my best friend again.

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We might disagree sometimes.

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No, we won't.

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# Your hair is cool

0:17:100:17:12

# Your eyes divine

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# They're nearly as nice as mine.

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# I like your face... #

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DISCO MUSIC

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Oh, grow up.

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Car keys were where they always are.

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Honestly, chief, I don't know what you'd do without me.

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Penfold!

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Wha..?

0:17:310:17:32

But he's always ignoring you and getting you squished.

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I don't care.

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And he runs away.

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And when I need him most he's always there.

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Or hiding nearby and easy to find.

0:17:450:17:47

Why are you trying to split us up? And what's going on out there?

0:17:470:17:50

-Ow.

-This doesn't feel like the sort of thing Jimmy Camel would do.

0:17:540:17:57

It feels more like...

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..Pom-pom?!

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I was going to say the Baron, but close enough.

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Ha! You're too late, Danger Mouse.

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While you've been in here squabbling,

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my Bozorian legions have destroyed your world!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Bad luck, Pom-pom. Penfold and I may be the most awesome BFFs,

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but our other chums are pretty epic too.

0:18:350:18:37

Well, I guess you're right.

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In fact this reminds me of the time when you defeated the Baron in...

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Penfold, the Baron can still do a lot of damage

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with that traffic controller. We've got to control HIM.

0:18:460:18:48

A futile gesture, Danger Mouse.

0:18:480:18:51

Then I can still stop you, with my traffic controller.

0:18:510:18:54

HE STRAINS

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Curse you, Danger Mouse.

0:19:130:19:15

You may have won the battle, but I shall win the...

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I'm back, Baron.

0:19:180:19:19

Baron?

0:19:190:19:21

THEY LAUGH

0:19:220:19:24

Chief, don't let him escape!

0:19:240:19:27

Not so fast, Pom-pom.

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Or is it Pom-pom?

0:19:290:19:30

You seem to know a lot about the show for an alien clown.

0:19:330:19:36

A-ha! I knew you weren't really Pom-pom, because...

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I am the real Pom-pom!

0:19:420:19:43

Danger Mouse and I have been working together to hunt down the impostor

0:19:450:19:49

and now we know it was Ian.

0:19:490:19:51

Or was it?

0:19:510:19:53

I've been following Pom-pom and Danger Mouse

0:19:540:19:56

-because I suspected treachery.

-From me?

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No. From me.

0:20:000:20:01

Don't worry, I can explain everything.

0:20:030:20:05

Well, maybe not everything.

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Penfold, what's going on round here?

0:20:130:20:14

I don't know Chief.

0:20:140:20:17

It looks like it could have been a Christmas clip episode.

0:20:170:20:21

Glad we missed it. Home?

0:20:210:20:23

You bet, chief.

0:20:230:20:24

It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaas.

0:20:260:20:28

# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

0:20:310:20:34

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

0:20:340:20:37

# He's the ace, he's amazing

0:20:370:20:40

# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best!

0:20:400:20:43

# Danger mouse

0:20:430:20:44

# Diddlit, diddlit, diddlit, diddlee

0:20:440:20:47

# Danger mouse

0:20:470:20:48

# Diddlit, diddlit, diddlit, diddlee

0:20:480:20:50

# Danger mouse!

0:20:500:20:56

# And Penfold! #

0:20:560:20:57

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