Communication Problems Dani's Castle

I still say the stage is no place for a young lady.

I'm auditioning for a TV show, Gabe. Not a play.

Lady Justice, feisty female lawyer who always gets her man.

A female lawyer? What piffle!

Sorry. I'm really going to miss you.

Promise to write? Every day?

I'm only going to Belfast. I'll be back on Thursday.

Nevertheless, my afterlife shall seem empty and meaningless without you.

I don't know what I'll do.

Write me a poem?

A poem? Gadzooks! What a splendid idea.

I shall start immediately.

My heart is empty without you near

Something, something, something dear?

Clear? Fear?

Bye, then.

I'll miss you too(!)

-Still here?

-Just waiting for a cab.

-Um, are you sure you're going to be all right on your own?

-Of course.

Unless this place is haunted.

All right, Lady Justice.

Just promise me you won't come up with any more stupid ideas.

We still haven't finished re-plastering from the last one.

Chillax, Dani. The castle is in safe hands.

I meant to do that.

-HORN BEEPS

-Cab's here.

I mean it, Jimmy. No indoor golf courses.

No inflatable Sumo wrestling and no ball pit.

A ball pit? That's a great idea! What could possibly go wrong with that?

Geronimo!

Hmm. Maybe not.

I'm staying here. There is no way I can leave you on your own.

I'm not going to do anything stupid.

-You promise?

-I promise. Now go,

have fun and I'll see you when you get back.

I love Jimmy but sometimes it's like having a toddler.

And that's why you need a babysitter. Enter Scary Poppins.

-Who?

-Me! I've babysat every kid in Bogmoor.

Compared to them, Jimmy's small fry.

Thanks, Kait. That would be a massive help.

-It's going to cost you a tenner though.

-What?!

All right. £7.50. Mates' rates.

Make it a fiver.

-Done.

-Wish me luck!

-Good luck.

STRING TWANGS

Were I a little bird

I'd fly to thee

Alas, I'm not

My lady has left me...

-When is she coming back?

-Who?

Dani, your muse.

Oh. Right. Tuesday? Thursday? I can't remember.

I'm counting down the hours

To your return

Seeing you again

Is my only concern.

Oooh. A new friend request.

-Lottie!

-Who's Lottie?

Only the most popular girl in all of Bogmoor.

Well, was. I haven't seen her since we were alive.

Good thing too. She was a bad influence.

Just cos she was the ring leader of a notorious gang of troublemakers

does not mean she was a bad influence.

Pah! They got up to all sorts of mischief.

Humming in church. Bunking off dance lessons to go apple scrumping.

-HE GASPS

-Somebody call the police.

Apple scrumpers on the loose!

Only the most beautiful and well-to-do girls

could join her gang.

Wait, and you were in it?

Of course!

Well, maybe not exactly...in it.

Esme was desperate to be part of the group but they never let her in.

Thank you, Gabe(!)

I've had 250 years to get over it.

Not like it's been eating me up all this time.

-Clearly.

-But all that's about to change.

I knew Lottie would see the potential in me.

Only took her a bit longer than I expected.

What's quarter of a millennium between friends?

Don't you have a poem you should be writing?

My sister is foolish

She thinks she knows best

This girl she admires

I loathe and detest.

Are you following me?

No, no, no, no. Erm, I am...

looking for a book on...

erm, 16th-century Polish salt mines.

-Well, now you've got it...

-Yep.

Off you go, then.

You're spying on me! Admit it.

OK, OK. But only cos I promised Dani I'd keep you out of trouble.

Nice to know my so-called friends trust me.

Well, give us one reason why we should.

Because I made a promise to look after this place.

I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'll leave you alone.

Thank you.

What was that?

A fly. Yep.

-I got it.

-No.

On the front of the paper. There was something about the castle.

What? Was there?

"A new type of telecommunications dish is to be trialled in Bogmoor.

"The 20-metre dish will be erected to the south side

"of the village, totally obscuring the historic views."

This is a disgrace.

It's outrageous.

Or...

-brilliant.

-What?

Think about it. Mobile reception, high-speed internet, hi-def TV...

You?

-You're behind all this!

-Now, calm down.

You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid.

Do you know how much they were going to pay me? Nothing stupid about that.

-I don't care. It'll wreck the views.

-Only from outside the castle.

You won't even see it from the inside.

Even for you, this is ridiculous. It's never going to happen, Jimmy.

I'm not going to let it.

This is none of your business.

-This is my castle and it's my decision.

-Oh, yeah?

Well, let's see what Dani thinks of this little plan.

Why can I never get reception in here?

Maybe because there's no dish?

And as long as I live in Bogmoor, that's the way it's going to stay.

Hey, Esme. Do you want to see my magic trick?

Pulling a rabbit from a hat. Ta-da!

Anyone finds a rabbit, it's mine.

-Lottie's calling!

-Well, aren't you going to answer?

I don't know. Maybe.

-I'll have to think about it.

-Just answer.

-Esme!

-Lottie!

So...you're dead.

Isn't it a scream? I can't believe we can actually fly

-and possess people.

-You can do that?

Can't you? Oh. Sorry.

I guess I got lucky.

So, how've you been?

Not still living in that dingy old castle, are you?

Er...

I just scared off my 200th family.

Had a big party to celebrate. Loads of friends so...

Wow. Congratulations.

There's this new private group I've set up on Ghostlybook.

The Spectral Sisterhood. All very exclusive.

So, I was wondering...

do you want to join?

Me?!

I'd love to!

Flopsy? Here, girl.

A human?

Lottie? Lottie?

-Lottie?

-Where's she gone?

I don't know. Maybe you scared her.

-Isn't she supposed to do that to me?

-Lottie!

-Flopsy!

-Lottie!

THEY CHANT: Five, six, seven, eight

Save our views before it's too late

One, two, three, four

We don't want your eyesore

Five, six, seven, eight

Save our views

Before it's too late...

You've got too many syllables!

Shut up.

One, two, three, four

We don't want your eyesore.

This your castle?

Yep. All mine.

Then I just need you to sign here. And here.

Sounds like the locals are revolting.

Yep. Looks like it too. Hi, Kait.

Every resident of Bogmoor has signed this petition.

Not one person wants the dish.

38 signatures. Wow(!)

I don't think cows count.

I demand you cease construction immediately.

Ignore her. This is my castle and my land.

Right.

Toby!

Reasoning with you hasn't worked

and peaceful protest has had no effect.

So, things have just got serious.

If you want to put up that dish, you'll have to go through me.

Suit yourself. But we're not bringing it through there.

Have fun. I'm going to the Shovel Museum. You want to come?

Oh, sorry. You can't. Shame. See you in a bit.

Leo!

Leo!

Like a beacon of love

Like a beacon of...

CHAINSAW WHIRRS

Shut up!

WHIRRING STOPS Thank you.

The giant dish...

That connects us all

Like a beacon of love...

Oh, why won't you call?

A MAN'S VOICE: 'Testing? Testing?

'Yep, we've got full connection. OK. we'll move on to the next place.'

That was...weird.

He's your friend?

Yeah, I've got loads of human friends.

Ghosts and humans cannot consort.

I know, but these ones are different.

Why? Are they vampires?

What? No. Vampires don't exist.

-What kind of ghost can't even haunt her own castle?

-I can!

Prove it. Get rid of your human friends

or kiss goodbye to The Spectral Sisterhood.

You've one day to make up your mind.

Choose wisely.

Who'd have thought shovels would be so exciting?

Jimmy, before you go any further,

I think there's something you need to know.

Ah, I know a lot of things.

For example, do YOU know the difference between a shovel

-and a spade?

-Erm, no. But I'm sure it's really interesting.

Spades are used for digging and piercing

whereas shovels are used for...

Hang on. Where's the dish?

-It's supposed to be right there.

-OK. Before I tell you...

are you carrying any sharp objects?

It was supposed to be around the other side.

Wrong way up, mate.

Oh.

Mm-hm.

Hang on. Is that thing covering Dani's bedroom window?

What?!

That dish totally covers her window! She's going to go ballistic.

I'm sure she'll come round when she sees the advantages.

There are advantages?

Best reception in the castle!

Plus, it's got rid of that nasty draught.

Oh, right. Well, that's OK then.

Yeah. I'm pleased. It makes it feel a lot more...

Claustrophobic?

..cosy. It's got a lot more...

Gloom?

..atmosphere.

She's going to love it!

No, she's not.

This is actually great.

I can play games, send texts, download music...

-Something wrong?

-Say there was a group you really wanted to join...

-Yep. The Magic Circle.

-OK. Say if you had to choose between

the Magic Circle and your best friends.

-What would you choose?

-That's easy. I'd choose you.

-Really?

-Yeah. 'Course. No contest. You're my best mate.

-Oh, Leo!

-That really means a lot to me.

-What's this all about anyway?

Lottie gave me a choice.

I can't join The Spectral Sisterhood unless I dump my human friends.

And you had to think about that?

I know. Sorry. Humans have never done anything to harm me.

I don't know why I...

-BEEPING

-Esme, are you all right?

A MAN'S VOICE: 'One Spicy Pepperoni,

'one with extra onions and no evil little fish this time.'

What was that?

I don't know. I suddenly felt...

'Seriously. She dumped him for some himbo with a fake tan

'and really bad hair extensions. Never heard the like.'

Something very strange is happening.

I keep seeing furious-looking birds being catapulted

towards precariously-balanced structures. Towards pigs.

-HE GASPS

-What is it?

I've got an idea, but I hope I'm wrong.

ROBOTIC VOICE: 'At the third stroke, the time

'sponsored by Kittylicks Wet Cat Meat will be...'

I wasn't wrong. It's that dish.

I think you're picking up mobile-phone signals.

-MOBILE RINGS

-Hold on.

Hello?

'This is an important message.

'Have you ever had an accident at work?

'If so, you could be entitled to thousands of pounds in compensation.'

Go... Go away!

We need to talk to Jimmy.

Guys, this is awesome. Five gigabyte broadband.

4G mobile reception.

That dish is on fire!

It might well be if you don't take it down.

Gabe and Esme are picking up interference from the dish.

Don't be ridiculous.

It's true. Call your answer-phone.

'You have two new messages.

'To listen to your messages, press one.'

-Very funny. Do you think I'm stupid?

-Press one.

'Hey mate, it's Luke. I was just eating a banana

-'and I suddenly thought, can fruit feel pain?'

-Huh?!

Exactly.

Dani's going to kill me.

Death will only bring you closer to me.

Right now, you don't want that to happen.

MOBILE RINGS

-Hello?

-Hi, Jimmy. You all right?

WHISPERS: It's Dani. What am I going to do?

-Lie, of course.

-Jimmy? Are you all right?

Hey, cuz! I'm just chilling with Leo.

No massive dish-aster. I mean, disaster.

-How's life in the big city?

-Honestly? I can't wait to come home.

No...

..way. So, when do you think you'll be coming back?

Tomorrow. I've got to go.

No. Wait! You can't.

I insist you get rid of that dish immediately.

OK. OK. Just let me think.

Leo, you got any suggestions?

I will now make that dish...

dish-appear!

Zambini!

Worth a try.

So, due to all the protests, I'm afraid you'll have to remove

-that enormous dish off my castle.

-I know. It's great, innit?

All right. Laters.

What do you mean, what protests? Didn't you get the petition?

-Phone reception makes life so much easier.

-What?!

Something wrong?

Yes, something's wrong. That dish!

-Why?

-It's completely wrecked the view from Dani's window.

Can't even see it in the village.

But the protest? The petition?

Oh. I threw that away. Everyone in Bogmoor is loving it.

I even saw old Mrs Flanagan downloading apps on her smartphone

and she's 82.

You're supposed to be baby-sitting me.

-How could you let this happen?

-You reap what you sow, city boy.

Besides, think of the tourism. The Eiffel Tower,

the London Eye and the Bogmoor Dish.

The dish can Bogmoor-off!

-It's my decision and I say it's going.

-It's staying.

What are you going to do? Chain yourself to the side of it?

That's not a bad idea.

This is War!

Save our phones! Save our phones!

Leave the Bogmoor Dish alone!

I really need to work on that.

Esme! Esme?

What are you doing?

Trying to avoid the...wave things.

Jimmy's talking to the telecom company.

He's promised that dish will be gone by tomorrow.

It'd better be, or our friendship is deader than...me.

I am trained to help which is why I have got this.

-It should protect you from any interference.

-Whoa!

No. I'm not wearing that. I'll look like an idiot.

No, you won't. Gabe? Show her.

-See?

-I think that proves my point.

BEEPING

Oh! My song downloaded.

MUSIC PLAYS

Sorry.

You're on thin ice, human.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Good. Thanks.

Don't say a word.

-When are they removing it?

-What's today?

-Tuesday.

Wednesday, Thursday... Er, they're not.

-What?!

-I signed a contract. There's nothing I can do.

You mean I'm stuck dressed like THIS for all of eternity?

In about 50 years, you may be in fashion.

That's it. You've had enough chances.

Lottie is right. Ghosts and humans just can't mix.

Our friendship is terminated.

-Nice one, mate.

-I just wanted an easy life.

At least YOU'RE on my side.

Sorry, Jimmy. Not this time.

Conflict in the castle

Everyone's sure they're right

It looks as if we're heading

For one great big massive fight.

Please, Esme. I'm sure we can work something out.

This isn't fair. You can't blame me for Jimmy's mistakes.

Sorry. Gabe, did you say something?

Why do I bother?

Actually, I know why I bother.

It's cos you're my friend and that's what friends do.

Don't you think you're being a bit hard on him?

Look what they've done to us. We're meant to be terrifying ghosts

not clowns. Lottie opened my eyes.

She's a true friend.

Lottie isn't your friend.

Yes, she is. It says so right there.

That doesn't mean anything. A friend is someone like Leo,

someone who tries to help when you're in trouble.

The only thing Lottie has ever done for you is tell you

-what you can and can't do.

-I expected you to take sides with the humans.

Since you're in love with one.

And you're my sister. Lottie wasn't your friend when you were alive.

Now she's suddenly calling you and asking you to join her stupid group.

-Why?

-Why wouldn't she?

-Perhaps you should ask her?

-I thought you might like a cup of tea.

-Thanks.

-I need your help.

-Tough.

-I don't think you realise how much trouble

-we'll be in when Dani gets back. Both of us.

-Too bad.

I like the improved Wi-Fi.

You got yourself into this mess, YOU can sort it out.

It think it's a bit late for that.

Why?

Surprise!

I've tried but they won't remove it.

You have done some pretty stupid things in your time

-but this one really does take the biscuit.

-Told you so.

And you! You were supposed to be looking after him.

I was. I tried to stop him.

-Liar. You wanted to keep it.

-Look, I don't care who's to blame.

I just want rid of it. It's right outside my bedroom window.

Dani! Welcome!

I've finished your poem.

Not the right time?

How was your audition?

Don't ask. I learned all those lines for nothing.

Turned out I wasn't up for the part of feisty female lawyer.

I was auditioning for teenage trespasser number two.

A non-speaking part.

And I didn't even get that.

-Why not?

-I talked too much.

-So, are you rid of the humans?

-Not yet.

I have a question I want to ask you. We were good friends, weren't we?

-The best!

-And we always did things together?

-Always.

Like that time when I fell off Dobbin

and my leg was in a bandage for a week.

I felt terrible for you.

No, you didn't. Because I just made that up. It never happened.

So? I forgot.

What's this about?

That's what I want to know. Why, after all these years,

do you get in touch with me now? What do you want?

I have to go. All... All my other friends are trying to call me.

Great. I'd love to speak to them. Put them on.

-SHE SOBS:

-I don't have any friends.

-All right, love. Is your dad in?

-My dad? Don't patronise me.

Oh. And don't call me love.

It's just a bit technical, that's all. Not sure you'd understand.

-What do YOU want?

-We've been getting complaints about interference.

People keep hearing some kind of weird musical poetry recitals

during their phone calls

so we're going to have to make a few arrangements.

-Shouldn't take long.

-Now, listen here. This is my castle too

and you can speak to me

and I want that dish removed right now.

That dish isn't going anywhere. We've got a contract. See?

So you'd better get used to it cos there's nothing you

or anyone else can do about it, love.

-Are you going to let him speak to you like that?

-Nope.

Um, excuse me? I think you're forgetting one thing.

Section two, subsection four of the Law of Property Act 1925

clearly states that any contract must be signed by

-all the proprietors of the registered freehold.

-You what?

This is my castle too and I haven't signed.

Oh, yeah.

-You're right.

-I am?!

I mean, I am.

OK, boys. Let's take it down.

And don't call me love.

That was brilliant. You were amazing.

Guilty as charged.

I don't suppose you could help me get off some library fines?

-Don't push it.

-All right.

-Lottie made it all up?

-Yep.

Turns out she had a massive row with her friends over a century ago

and hasn't spoken to them, or anyone, since.

But why was she trying to turn you against humans?

Jealousy. Lottie lives in a giant castle all on her own.

Whenever anyone moves in there, she tries to become friends

but they just end up running away.

It made me realise how lucky I was to have you guys.

Even though you can be a little pain sometimes. Sorry, Leo.

It's OK. Hey, but at least the dish has gone.

Yeah. Thank goodness for that. Any more interference and I'd have...

-DANI'S VOICE:

-'Taxi from Bogmoor High Street

'to the station? My name's Dani.

'Yep, I'm leaving for the city and never coming back.'

Gadzooks! I must stop her immediately.

That was evil.

Funny but so evil.

And thus I sing to thee

So sweetly

Dani, you alone complete me.

Thank goodness it's over.

That was beautiful, Gabe. I should go away more often.

-No, please.

-For all our sakes.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd