Aunt Marjorie Dani's Castle

I cannot wait to see this again.

Does that chap have to show his six-pack at every opportunity?

I mean, me too, My Lady. The first 15 times just weren't enough.

Angry zombies, prepare to have your grumpy, mardy butts kicked!

If this new one is as good as Undead Death Match 4, I'm going to explode!

She can actually do that!

-Go on, Esme. Show them!

-Not this again.

-What are you doing?

-Er, I booked the TV.

Yeah, but you were late as usual,

and we've already started watching this.

-What? Stop it!

-Gabe, you're going to miss the start.

-Sorry.

Right, if I can't watch my films, then I'm just going to watch yours.

With you.

-Eugh, have you showered today?

-Nope.

You were busy in the bathroom, shaving your verrucas, remember?

-I do not have verrucas.

-Ssh, I'm watching this.

Guys, come on, we'll make room.

-Get off.

-I hate it when they do this.

Bickering is so boring. Can't they just duel or something?

You know, you can really tell Marjorie was wrong.

-Because making us share this place was completely unreasonable.

-As if.

She only left you half the castle,

and no-one said you had to live in it.

-POLTERGEIST:

-Ooohhh...

Poltergeist. Run!

-POLTERGEIST:

-Ooohhh...

-Ah! Let's barricade ourselves into the kitchen.

-Again?

Ooohhh...

Run?

Aaaaggggh! Oh!

What?

I am the ghost of Auntie Marjorie.

Beware, your fighting places you in the greatest peril.

Are you sure you're Dani? You smell of horse.

I'm not Dani.

Then why say you are? Silly child.

Things are serious enough without you fibbing all over the place.

-Wait, I didn't say I was...

-What do you mean, serious?

Well, Jimmy, that you and Dani are in horrible danger, of course.

-Not Jimmy. Soz.

-Well, who are you?

We're Kait and Leo. Remember?

-From the village.

-Oh, you're the one with the evil-natured demon horse!

I'd say assertive...

And you, you did that magic trick and made one of my sheep disappear.

-I never did get that back.

-That's not important right now.

You mentioned horrible danger.

My last wish was to bring

the two warring sides of our family together.

If that does not happen,

my niece and nephew risk a terrible fate.

-Is it a ghoul?

-No.

It's far, far worse than a ghoul.

And my last wish has not come true, but I can hear the two of them

shouting at each other from the next plane of existence.

They were getting quite shouty.

-They sounded horrible, and I won't have it.

-No, they're great.

Well, Dani's great to have around.

CLOCK TICKING

SHE SCREAMS

So, what do you think? Eye-catching, huh?

Don't worry, Kait. We've got this one.

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, and you all will

accept it, is to find a way to keep Prince William at Bogmoor.

-Ah!

-What?

-What?

-Oh, it was just a cobweb brushed against my face.

Be gone, spirit!

What was that noise? Dani, there is really a festival, isn't there?

-Yeah, because we were told Lady Gaga was going to be here?

-She is.

Um, hold on a second.

-Where is my dressing room?

-Superstars!

What are you going to do?

Lady Gaga has really let herself go.

'And she is also my best friend.'

Thanks, Kait.

-What for?

-Well, that's brilliant advice.

-It is?

Well, for someone who is clueless about best friend stuff,

-you're actually pretty good at it.

-I am?

-Yes.

You want the world to see your version of Prince William

and I'm going to make it happen. Somehow.

-Told you I had a plan.

-Beautifully played.

CLOCK TICKING

Well, if Dani is so fantastic, the fault must lie with...

-No. Jimmy's great.

-No. Jimmy's clumsy and goofy.

And he's always got a ridiculous scheme up his sleeve.

CLOCK TICKING

All hail the genius who came up with the ghost tour idea.

Every inch a 21st-century boy.

I meant to do that!

Chillax! The castle is in safe hands.

-GLASS SMASHES

-I meant that.

When they find out what I've done, they're going to fling me out.

Argh!

I hate you already and I don't even know you.

Smart mouth, big-city boy.

-Is this really necessary?

-ALL:

-Yes!

Aaaagggghhh!

'He's a total numpty.'

'OK, so he's a bit clumsy, but he's definitely cool.'

-What's up?

-Cool shades.

-You know.

OK, so what do we have that a pig doesn't?

-Eyebrows!

-Our brains.

Thanks a lot, Jimmy.

Why are they at each other's throats all the time?

-They can't both be lovely.

-Yep.

-Really.

-Total sweethearts.

-I hope this keeps the poltergeist out.

-You know what, cuz?

We'll all be safe in here now. Right, guys?

Guys?

-BOTH:

-They're still up there!

Leo, Kait, buddies? I'll always remember you!

CLOCK TICKING

You're a great magician, Leo!

-Just say the magic word.

-Don't you...

-Zambini!

-Er, "great" isn't the word I would use.

-Zambini!

SHE SCREAMS

Begonia, be gone! Er...

SMASH!

-Er...

-Magic is all about precision.

Here.

No way. I did it, I actually did it!

APPLAUSE

-'Hang on, what about Kait? I hope she's OK.

-Don't worry.

'She can cope with anything this castle throws at her.'

Out my way!

Just act like you don't care.

What are the chances of falling off my chair a second time?

'If she can handle Prince William, she can handle the poltergeist.'

Wills, will you please just... HORSE NEIGHS

You took Prince William for a ride around the field again, didn't you?

-He doesn't throw me off deliberately. He just...

-Hates anyone riding him?

-Enjoys seeing you suffer?

-The worst tempered horse in the world?

What are you talking about? Wills is a total sweetheart.

HORSE SNORTS

CLOCK TICKING

-Careful.

-Don't just stand there, we've got to help Kait and Leo!

Wait, stop!

We can't leave them up there with that thing.

I know, but if we're going to go up there, we need a plan.

BOTH SCREAM

I have a whisk! Back, fiend!

We're not scared of you and your flappy clothes!

-What's going on?

-Marjorie?

-Ten points to the lady with the attack spatula!

-Auntie!

You've come back!

Ah!

He meant to do that.

Yeah. What Leo said.

-It is so nice to see...

-Beware!

-OK.

-I have returned to bring you together.

You must make me a solemn promise never to fight again or risk

a fate worse than death.

Oh, yeah, sure, fine by me.

I can't speak on behalf of Jimmy, though,

cos he's usually the one that starts it.

I'm the one that starts it?

-Of course! It's not me, is it?

-Yeah.

-You think you're the boss of me.

-I am the boss of you!

-You're not!

-You act like a child most of the time.

-Look at you with your whisk.

-MARJORIE:

-There you go again!

-Listen, you...

-Ever heard of knocking?

Ow, what was that for?

-Take that back.

-Shan't.

-Jimmy...

-Uh-oh.

Hey, Dani, you're looking furious, this evening.

You had one job to do, Jimmy. One!

Jedward are going to go crazy when they find out!

-So, in short, we're in big trouble.

-Chill your heels. I'll sort it.

You have done some pretty stupid things in your time, Jimmy,

but this one really does take the biscuit.

Stop this! Can't you see this is tearing us apart?

-This is a golden opportunity.

-Yeah, to make me look bad.

I see you two haven't lost the family taste for arguing.

-Jimmy, what are you doing?

-Nothing.

-What is that behind your back?

Nothing!

Can we have a time-out before we start arguing?

A girl's castle is her home.

-I have to live here.

-This is my castle too.

As long as you admit that Lavs was innocent

-and not this witch who had an idea in her head.

-Uh-uh.

-She was obviously a broomstick jockey.

-She was experimenting!

And Neddy was a sexist!

-"But I'm the man!"

-Don't diss my side of the family.

-Why?

-You're dissing mine.

-What makes you right?

-There's no right or wrong.

-Your family's full of witches!

You are over-exaggerating.

CLOCK TICKING

-You always start things.

-No, I don't, though.

Shut up and hear me!

-If you do not stop fighting, I shall...

-Anyone seen Gabe?

-I can't find him anywhere.

-..I shall send you to your room!

-That's it? That's all?

-Oh, come, come, what more do you want?

-Oh, no.

-No, no, no.

-That is more like it.

Who brought her back?

-Oh, no. Gabe.

-Actually, where is he? I haven't seen him since...

He's gone because of her!

The castle can only hold a certain amount of ghosts.

There's not enough energy to go around.

And?

And it's like one in, one out. She's back and Gabe's gone.

Leave it too long and he'll be gone forever.

A likely story. I remember this young lady. Bit of a joker.

CLOCK TICKING

If at first you don't succeed...

Quit and take up knitting?

Why did you go invisible?

Because I don't want to be seen with someone decorating a pig.

Any more interferences

and I will have taxi from "Bogmoor High Street to the station.

"My name's Dani. Yep, I'm leaving for the city and never coming back."

Gazooks! I must stop immediately!

That was evil. Funny, but so evil.

Enough of this being friends business. It's time to do it my way.

Time to get scary.

Real scary.

And if she isn't joking around, she likes to creep up and scare people.

Oooh....

There's no such thing as gh...

Boo!

HE SCREAMS I've always wanted to say that.

Anyone there?

SHE SCREAMS Gotcha!

Run for your life.

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, great, more ghosts is exactly what this castle needed(!)

Who's a ghost? THEY ALL SCREAM

Esme, how long have you been in there?

-I transported myself straight into costume.

-Nice one.

Ah, you must be new, let me just find my money.

SHE HISSES

HE SCREAMS

Cha-ching! Still got it.

SHE WAILS

HE SCREAMS

A ghost! It's a ghost! It's a g-g-g-g-g... Argh!

Ow!

I love being a ghost!

CLOCK TICKING

The usual Esme nonsense.

Now, you two should be cowering before my terrible curse.

Yeah, in a minute. Esme, is this a joke?

-Surely Marjorie would know, she's a ghost too.

-She snuffed it last year.

I've been dead much longer.

But fine, don't trust me, I'll get Gabe back my way.

Well, that didn't sound too good.

-Maybe we could have a quick look for him.

-Yeah, good idea.

Oh... Come back here!

Does my wrath mean nothing to you?

Young people these days!

OK, Mr Poltergeist. You don't like me and I don't like you.

But we need Gabe back and you're going to help. Please?

-RASPING

-Gabe! Yo, Gabe!

-Gabriel.

-Hello?

-Gabe, you in there?

-Gabriel!

-Gabe!

-If this is a joke...

-Gabe?

I can't believe Gabe is really gone.

We have to get him back.

Esme was trying to get your aunt to leave, right?

Maybe if we persuaded Aunt Marjorie to leave, he'd come back,

-sort of like a swap.

-Right. Tell her you need Gabe here.

It's definitely worth a go.

So it is definitely him, not her we want, right?

-Sorry. I'm just asking. She's kind of funny.

-OK, it's a plan.

I'll just talk to Auntie

and explain to her how I feel about Gabe.

CLOCK TICKING

MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Mmm. Sorry. Not cool.

You're feeling warm?

-Why would I be feeling warm?

-You said you're not cool.

Seriously, who are you?

We're distant family.

Really distant family. It's as if we aren't related at all.

So you know.

Gabe, there's something I wanted to ask you.

-First, My Lady, there is something I must ask you.

-Oh.

Dani, since you came to the castle, I have been...

Well, what I'm trying to say is, I suppose, you and me...

-Well, the thing is...

-Gabe, will you go out with me?

-Hey, Gabe.

-I got you these.

In advance of our date.

-They're beautiful.

-As are you.

You know, coming from anyone else's mouth, that would be really cheesy.

But coming from you...

-Zambini!

-EXPLOSION

-Leo!

-'How ridiculous.

'Whoever heard of a ghost and a human in a relationship?'

-Wait, there's more.

-Uh-huh.

CLOCK TICKING

Sure, true love never runs smooth. He is kind of old-fashioned.

-What?

-Nothing.

It's just that, in my day, it was generally considered

good manners to eat your cheese with a fork.

-So are you saying I've got no manners?

-No. Not NO manners.

-Bad manners?

-Oh, good. You understand. It's not your fault.

We just had higher standards in my time.

-Yeah, well, in your time everyone was stiff and stuck up.

-Shall we?

Lady... I mean Dani.

'But that's kind of the attraction.'

-Yuck spill.

-You said it.

'The 21st century can be quite confusing for him.'

Yo, yo, yo!

-RAPPING:

-I was born in the past Died too fast

Now I'm a spirit In it to win it

My name is Gabriel Master of the turn...table.

I will never lose Now watch me move...

So, yeah, now I know you're "totes emosh" about me,

you going to ask me out or what?

-Bring it on.

-Excuse me.

You, me,

Gabe...babe.

I'm the only man for you. I'm grade A hot sauce.

I know you ain't gonna get better.

You're grade A hot sauce and you know I ain't gonna do any better?

Believe.

'And it's not always been easy for me, either.'

-Sorry. Stepped through your toe again.

-Did you?

I didn't even notice.

You're an amazingly fast learner, Lady Dunraven.

I didn't think I'd be any good, but with you it's easy.

'But there's definitely a spark between us.'

POWER SURGES

Yes!

Ah, of course, we can't touch.

'All very romantic, I'm sure, but what about his awful poetry?'

Let me compare thee to a snowdrop

Whom every spring doth bloom

Then fall...and die.

Die?

'Well, it got better. Sort of.'

And thus I sing to thee so sweetly

PLUCKS GUITAR STRINGS

Dani, you alone complete me.

Oh, thank goodness it's over.

And now I couldn't live without him, or his poems.

You know that business about crossing over?

Well, do you think that might happen to you one day?

I don't know. But I don't worry about what might happen.

I'm enjoying each day as it comes.

The clock's stopped again.

Leave it.

Let time stand still for a bit.

-So, you have to go. I need him.

-Literally.

-There is no-one else who will watch her soppy films with her.

-Ugh!

This is what I am talking about.

I'm not going anywhere until you stop fighting

and start acting like a family.

But Gabe, he's... You have to go.

Hang on a minute, Marjorama. You used to live here on your own.

So I'm guessing you're like me before I got here.

Not actually that clued-up about what makes a family.

You might be right.

I mean, I know me and Jimmy aren't the best of friends,

but we are definitely like family.

CLOCK TICKING

Like the time I almost banished Gabe and Esme.

Dani, stop, you have to stop, they're harmless!

Oh. You have stopped.

You really scared me, but I guess I don't want you gone.

So, we're all going to live together? Ghosts and humans?

Under the same roof?

-I suppose.

-Swagalicious!

'And that time Dani helped me find Mr Squeaker.'

-If I mess up, he'll never forget.

-Dani, I need you.

Mr Squeaker needs you. Blood is thicker than water.

What does that actually mean?

-I have no idea, but can you please help me?

-OK.

I know I'm going to regret this.

MUSIC: "Mama Do The Hump" by Rizzle Kicks

Grab that pig! I got him, I got him!

Oh, I ain't got him!

PIG SQUEALS

SHE SCREAMS

Nice catch, Dani. I knew I could count on you.

And remember when Jedward got here?

I mean, yeah, we had a massive fight but we were there for each other.

We probably should have mentioned the fact that the castle is haunted.

All I can say is,

I'm sorry and we should have told you everything sooner.

We're totally cool! Stop stressing!

We should be thanking you.

-Thanking us?

-Yeah, come on, we did need a holiday.

And we get to hang out with Lady Gaga!

And learn some cool dance moves!

SONG: "Born This Way"

MUSIC STOPS

Um, yeah, about that, I will let Kait explain and me

and Jimmy will just... Where is Jimmy?

-Where are you going?

-You know where I'm going.

I've tried to make amends and now I'm off.

-Have a nice life, Dani.

-You can't leave.

Look, you're annoying, clumsy, lazy,

-you drive me mad most of the time.

-Way to make me want to stay, cuz.

But don't say you don't feel the same way about me.

-Like I said, it's what families are like. Even Jedward bicker.

-Wow.

So, are you going to unpack your bags or what?

Yeah, you've twisted my arm.

'And the day you lied about your birthday.'

THEY ALL CHUCKLE

I want this castle sparkling by the time you are finished.

No corner-cutting.

You should pay particular attention to the custard

in the cutlery drawer.

And the gunk in the plughole.

And the unidentified mould in the fridge.

Look, just before I do this,

I want to say I'm sorry I made you all run around after me.

But it was the best birthday I've ever had,

mainly because I got to spend it with all of you.

Real or not.

Must be some dust in my eye.

'And when we found out our family had been arguing for centuries.'

-So, your side of the family wins?

-No-one wins.

Neddy lost his sister and Lavinia never put herself in his shoes.

-He was in love.

-I suppose.

Family is not about winning or cheap point-scoring.

-That's what friends are for.

-So, family feud over?

Over.

Oh!

CLOCK TICKING

My plan. It worked! I really did bring you together.

Yeah. Sometimes I wish you hadn't.

Only sometimes, I mean, hardly ever, really.

I think what she's trying to say is that we've had the best year ever.

Thanks, Auntie Marj.

# You're insecure Don't know what for

# You're turning heads when you walk through the door

# Don't need make-up to cover up

# Being the way that you are is enough... #

Ewww!

# Everyone else in the room can see it

# Everyone else but you

# Baby you light up my world like nobody else

# The way that you flick your hair gets me overwhelmed

# But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell

# You don't know, oh-oh You don't know you're beautiful

# If only you saw what I can see

# You'll understand why I want you so desperately... #

HE SCREAMS

# You don't know, oh-oh You don't know you're beautiful

# That's what makes you beautiful... #

Oh, that was such a bad mistake!

# You got it wrong

# To prove I'm right I put it in a song

# I don't know why you're being shy

# And turn away when I look into your eyes... #

Ahhhh! G-g-g-ghost, run!

Don't worry, John, I'm coming as well! Agh!

CLOCK TICKING

So, could you...

-Would you push off, please, so we can have Gabe back?

-Of course.

To tell you the truth, I never really did like this place.

Used to take a lot of foreign holidays.

Expensive ones?

So that's where all the money went?

Goodbye, me ducks.

Sweet AND salty. That'll work.

Gabe, you're back!

-Guys, I think Esme has done something!

-I have.

I've woken up the poltergeist. He'll be here any minute.

That should drive stupid Aunt Marjorie...

Gabe! You're back! So she's gone?

Heeeee!

Wait, did I wake up Scary for nothing?

You woke up the poltergeist?

CLOCK TICKING

Ssh!

You'll wake the poltergeist.

Greetings, I come in peace!

Argh! Help!

Everybody, run!

What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.

-ALL:

-Poltergeist!

EERIE RASPING

Flee!

I guess Aunt Marjorie showed what's really important, huh?

-Suddenly, who gets to use the telly doesn't...

-You're kidding me!

-You were late, so I get to watch my film.

-It was MY turn.

Oh, remind me why we're hanging about here again!

Because it's so much fun(!)

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd