Location, Location, Location Dani's Castle

Oh, here you go, post for Bogmoor Castle.

HE LAUGHS

What's so funny?

Well, "Bogmoor" - not exactly a classy name, is it?

"Bog-moor".

Can you stop saying that? "Bog-moor".

I don't mind but I might have to get in touch with your company.

Oh, have them give me the "sack"? Yeah.

No, I mean... I don't really need this right now.

You didn't take the post.

Oh, cheers.

Bogmoor?

What's wrong with Bogmoor?

What are we going to do?

It's not that bad.

WATER DRIPS

Gabe, do you want to come and speak to Dani on the webcam?

Sure.

Wait!

Don't you want to ask ME if I want to speak to Dani on the webcam?

Sorry, Esme, do YOU want to speak to Dani on the webcam?

I don't know, she's gone all "Hollywood".

RAIN PATTERS

Esme, just talk to Dani

and you will see that she is the same Dani she's always been.

Oh, oh, oh.

-What's that?

-It's coming to get us!

-Oh, hi, guys.

-Dani!

What have they done to you?

Oh, yeah, it's the middle of the night in LA. Sorry, Dani.

Oh, it's all right,

I just need to look my best for an audition tomorrow.

And green faces are cool out there? Hollywood DOES make people weird.

It's a face mask, obviously,

and she's going to take it off in the morning.

Well, you will, won't you?

Course I will.

Bad news, Dani, the roof is leaking.

-Oh, no! It hardly rains out here in Hollywood.

-Really?

So, they're casting for this new movie

called Meghan's Magic Castle, it is going to be huge.

So, if you've got any ideas for fixing the roof, just let us know...

So, I'm up for this part, it's not that big,

but I think it's, like, really important.

-SING-SONG VOICE:

-I told you so.

It's to do with Meghan's personal journey.

Apparently this character...

..haven't seen a script, so it's not really worth talking about it.

-All right, Dan.

-Oh, hi, Rich.

-Had any auditions lately?

-Well, I'm up for this one about Meghan's Magic Castle...

-No!

I mean, you need to save your voice for the audition, Dani.

Aw, thanks, babe.

I shouldn't get too carried away because this whole thing

will probably never happen if they don't find a castle to film in.

Castle?

Now, where can we find one of those?

Oh, look...

I found one.

I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Yeah, Hollywood at Bogmoor, no thanks.

No offence, Dani.

The roof's leaking so we need to pay for that somehow.

Dan, send a man to have a look.

-Great, I'll text Carly.

-Carly?

-The producer.

She's the one that makes all the decisions.

Anyway, better get my beauty sleep. Bye, guys!

Adios, Dani.

Rich, seriously, I think we should...

Rich!

Gabe?

What have you got there, Rich?

All will be revealed.

Look, this is a chance of a lifetime.

Any day now, a Hollywood producer's going to walk

-right into this castle.

-Sorry, what?

Look, Jimmy, concentrate, yeah? I need your attention.

The film is called Meghan's Magic Castle.

-Who's Meghan?

-Yeah, who's Meghan?

-Well, I don't know, BUT...

she's got a magic castle.

-What's magic about the castle?

-Yeah. What's magic about the castle?

-Well, I don't know.

-Well, can we see a script?

We haven't been given a script.

BUT the producer's going to come down

and she wants to see a really medieval castle.

So, it needs to look really, really messy, all right?

BOTH: Yes!

-And old.

-Sweet!

Basically, we need to cover up all the electronic stuff.

I'm talking TVs, Xbox, PlayStation, the lot.

-BOTH: No!

-Let's get to work.

Get making them cobwebs, eh?

-Oh, Rich, can I speak to you about...?

-Not right now.

-Oh.

But, Rich, can't we just slow down before we start

thinking about letting Hollywood into our home?

You are right. I thought about it...

I'm quite happy with it.

Look, this whole thing is ridiculous.

I mean, Hollywood at Bogmoor Castle?

Come on, Bogmoor? Hardly sounds showbiz, does it?

You know what? I couldn't agree with you more.

Right, so all you've got to do is listen to me for once...

-What?

-Well, Hollywood ain't going to be interested in Bogmoor, are they?

-No.

-So...

Tada! I changed the name.

-Richmoor Castle?

-RUMBLING

-Sometimes I don't know where I get it from.

-What's going on?

-KIDS:

-Was that thunder?

-What's that?

-Rich has changed the name of the castle.

-Hey.

-You can't do that!

-I beg to differ.

This is our home, Master Richard.

How could you do this without asking us?

-Well, I knew if I asked you, you'd say no.

-Yes!

I mean, no... I mean...

-Yes. I would say no.

-See?

I was right. I mean, I am an excellent judge of character.

You can't change the name of something

just because you feel like it.

How would you like it if we changed your name to...

-..Gwendoline?

-Exactly.

You don't have to change everything

just cos some Hollywood producer's coming.

PHONE BEEPS

I mean, let's be realistic, she's probably not coming at all.

Oh, that's Dani.

"Carly" is on her way.

Excuse me.

THUNDER CRACKS

MUSIC: "Wallpaper" by Stay Gold

Gabe!

# Put me on, put me back

# On the wallpaper

# Do yourself a favour

# Put me back, put me back

# On the wallpaper

# Do yourself a favour... #

Kate, what are you doing?

Oh, just a bit of spring cleaning, you know?

-Esme, can you do the flowers, please?

-Yeah.

I've been putting the dustsheets on the furniture.

Oh, and you've missed!

What a shame, at least you're ready for the toga party.

It's not funny, Kate.

Basically, THEY undid everything.

Really?

-Oh, no.

-Did we do our spring cleaning on the wrong day?

Uh-oh, silly us!

Look, I wanted everything to be perfect for the producer

and you've changed it all.

Isn't it annoying when people change things without asking...Gwendoline?

KNOCK AT DOOR

That's her.

Right, erm, Jimmy, let's keep her talking.

Play for time. Jimmy, I need some more cans.

-There's no more left.

-Look, Hollywood is literally knocking on my door.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I need to calm down. Am I calm? Because I feel really stressed.

I just need to calm, breathe.

Maybe you're right about the Hollywood effect?

It makes people go weird.

-Yeah, and Rich was already quite weird.

-All cool, yeah?

RAIN POURS

Oh, hello.

Welcome to Bogmoor, I mean Bogrich...

No, I mean...Richmoor.

RUMBLING

I'm Carly, here's my card.

It's not his birthday.

Ha-ha-ha! Totes hilarious! I heart you.

Could you take my umbrella? You know, I need a new assistant.

My regular assistant's afraid of flying.

-I know, she is a Lame Jane.

-I'm sure Jimmy would oblige.

If you'd like to step back outside...

Oh, no, it's rainy Spain out there. Did you hear that thunder?

Look, Carly, to be honest,

I don't think there's any point in you staying because...

Whoa!

O-M-G-G-G!

O-M-G-G-G?

Oh, my great golly goodness, this castle, it's so...

-Unsuitable?

-No.

THUNDER CRACKS

I know it's not very medieval, but a few cobwebs, we can sort that out.

No, it's adorable. Oh, I could eat it with a spoon.

I mean, I've seen a lot of dusty old wrecks, but this place, well, it's...

It's so Meghan. It's...

-Mega Meghan.

-"Mega Meghan."

Oh, look at that piano.

It's so old!

It must be, like, what? 20 years?

-More like 200.

-Shut up and get out, no way!

Such a pity it'll have to go.

-ALL:

-What?!

Oh, we need the space for Meghan's flying pony.

-It's no biggie.

-Sounds like a biggie.

No, no - no biggie.

-Nothing we can't sort out, so if you'd like to follow me.

-Sure.

Oh, and this door is a little narrow, that'll need to be widened.

Widened? What for?

For the King of Marshmallow People.

He's huge! Hello(!)

GHOSTLY WHOOSH Oh.

Well, how did you move from the piano to there?

Oh, well, actually they're ghosts,

because this place is haunted, you know?

BOTH: Oooh-ooh!

SHE LAUGHS

L-O-L, you're kidding.

ENGLISH ACCENT: I'm totally down with the British sense of humour.

Ha-ha-ha, LOVE that look, by the way.

Old school, retro-rich with a few frills -

gorgeous, you should go to Hollywood, you'd fit right in.

OK, NOW I'm offended.

So, can I get you a drink?

Oh, I am a thirsty Kirsty. RUMBLING

I'd like a...

-Ice cream, lime and lemongrass.

-That's a shame.

Here you go.

Oh, flowers, that's so sweet.

Could you take care of these please?

You'll go far in Hollywood.

Rich, you can't trust her, she's wearing pink.

-I don't trust anyone pink.

-What?

Well, pigs are pink, do you trust pigs? I don't.

You know nothing about pigs, you've never had one.

Yeah, because I don't trust them.

Right, I say we get on with some serious haunting.

Esme, no throwing things, OK?

-What?

-Oh, come on, Esme, that vase of flowers just then?

That wasn't me. It was my style, but...

-wasn't me.

-So, if it wasn't you, then who was it?

-Oh, no. It was You Know Who.

-Oh!

-Who?

-You Know Who?

Oh, no, not the poltergeist?

He mustn't like our new visitor

and the fact that Rich has changed the name

to make it sound more Hollywood.

There's only one thing for it then.

I'll go and have a firm word with that producer

-and ask her to leave.

-Have a straight talk with Carly?

Good luck with that.

I'm on the poltergeist's side.

Let's spook her out.

Oh.

Oh, I just LOVE this place!

PHONE RINGS

Yeah?

They agreed the budget, right?

80 million bucks?

They know we're making a movie, not feeding chickens?

Well, yeah, 80 million bucks, come on!

Ha-ha. OK, call Troy, he'll fix this.

Yeah, I got his number, on my other phone. Wait...

No, that's not it.

Take some more pictures for me.

Come on.

Here it comes.

OK, bye.

Oh, and can you look after that too?

So, can I show you the library?

Sure, I'll be right along.

Now, Jimmy, can...I trust you with this?

Yeah, anything.

It's the script, keep it in the bag.

The script's a little shy, like you, Jimmy, are you shy?

Because you don't seem to say much.

-Well, actually...

-It's good to be a listener and not a talker,

-who goes on and on and on.

-I suppose...

I mean, I've always seen myself as a listener.

What do you think, Jimmy?

Ah, great!

This will be perfect for Meghan's Magical Workshop.

Also, the bubbling cauldron can go here.

We'll have to get rid of all these books.

And we'll have to make some kind of a hole in the ceiling.

-Eh, no, I don't think we do.

-Eh, Kate...

Look, Carly, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Leave? Why?

Because this is our home.

CLASSICAL MUSIC

Look, I know the castle might be dusty and...

drafty and the roof might be leaky.

Eh, let's not talk about the roof, eh?

But...a man's home is his castle

and, even though I'm not a man...

this is still my home.

Which...happens to be a castle.

But the home is where the heart is.

And this castle is not for sale.

Our home is not for sale.

And our hearts...

Our hearts...

SHE SNIFFS

..are not for sale.

MUSIC STOPS

Bravo!

That was totes emosh but Jimmy says you don't actually live here?

Well...

-No, but...

-Doesn't matter, you got the part anyway.

The part? What part?

The Purple Princess?

She's a character in Meghan's Magic Castle.

Welcome to Hollywood!

Sorry, Carly, but Kaitlin is not for sale either.

What the hey, you can be in the picture too.

I don't think Kaitlin and I

are going to fall under the Hollywood spell so easily.

Will I...

Will I get my own trailer?

-Sure.

-Ha, yes! Buzzing! # We're going to Hollywood

# We're going to Hollywood... #

Erm, has Rich shown you around upstairs,

cos you'll need a throne for the Marshmallow King, won't you?

So, follow me!

Um, shall I give Kate a script?

No, no! I mean...

No, all in good time.

Got to love Richmoor Castle.

LOUD RUMBLING AND GROWLING

What is that?

Rich!

Never trust anyone in pink.

Dylan, she's worth 80 million

and she loves the place.

Look, don't ruin this for me, yeah?

I mean, don't ruin this for you... You and me.

No - me, you, him, everybody.

SWOOSH

Do you know what we need?

A holiday.

Where would we go?

-How about here?

-Too hot.

Too wet.

Too dark.

And also - spiders?!

Now we're talking!

Let's go skiing.

You want to throw yourself down a snow-covered mountain?

Are you mad?

Well, it looks like fun, the people are smiling.

Look like they're screaming to me.

Oh, come on, let's do it.

Ski, ski, ski, ski, ski, ski!

SWOOSH

This is terrible.

Yeah, I know, ghost in chains - totally cliched.

-But it always works.

-That's not what I meant.

Kaitlin asked Carly to leave and it didn't work.

No surprise in that.

Now it's my turn.

-GHOSTLY VOICE:

-Leave this place!

It went SO badly...

that Carly offered Kaitlin a place in the movie and she accepted it!

-That IS terrible.

-I know.

-I can't believe it.

-I know.

-What does Kate have that I don't?

-And now she's on Rich's...

Pardon me?

The big Hollywood producer gives Kate a part in her movie but not me?

That's SO unfair.

I mean, I've got style.

I'm funny, I'm charming...

Esme, I think...

-Shut up, Gabe, I'm charming.

-Esme!

We are trying to save our home

from being torn apart by the Hollywood. Because if we don't...

it will be torn apart by the poltergeist.

Right, I need to start working on my audition piece.

Kate's not the only star in Richmoor.

Don't say that word.

LOUD RUMBLING AND GROWLING

Carly's going to love me, I do my own special effects.

SWOOSH

And then there was one.

Thanks for helping with the computer, Dan.

Oh, it's OK, laptops can be tricky.

Pigs are clever but even they can't use laptops.

I think because they have no laps.

-Hello, Dani.

-Oh, hey, Gabe.

How are you getting on with Carly?

Not all that well.

The Hollywood is having a strange effect on this place.

-Yeah, I don't trust her.

-Why? What's she planning to do?

Is there a place where they write down what the actors are going

-to do in the film?

-You mean a script?

I haven't even seen one.

Not even for the audition, it's all very hush-hush.

Jimmy has one in his bag.

-What?

-What?

But he won't let us see it.

So...what are we going to do?

Well, we're going to have to be as clever as pigs with desktops.

What?

(It's in that pink bag.)

-What's in the pink bag?!

-Ssh.

CARLY: Maybe talk about the colour.

-RICH:

-The green.

What are you doing?

Trying to stop someone from ruining our home.

Oh, she's not going to ruin your home, she's going to fix the roof.

You're just saying that because you're going to be in the movie.

Look, it's not my fault

if I'm a perfect fit for the Purple Princess.

Apparently she has a really important part

at the start of the third act,

but Carly won't tell me anything else and I've not seen a script

so I can't really work on my character, can I?

You want to see the script?

Well, obviously, she won't show it to me or Rich.

So...here's the plan.

HE PRETENDS TO WHISPER

What are you doing?

Well, that's what cartoons do when they're making a plan.

They go...

HE PRETENDS TO WHISPER

OK, here's the actual plan. Right, I'll distract Rich.

Gabe, you distract Carly and, Dylan, you get the script off Jimmy, OK?

BOTH: OK.

OK, so we need to make all the windows heart-shaped.

Get a moat around the outside filled with milkshake

and paint the castle pink, right?

PHONE BEEPS

Hey-di-hey, the contract's here.

We just need it printed, signed and the money's bankified.

See, I quite like that - "The money is bankified."

Hey, Rich, I'm so glad I found you,

I actually wanted to speak to you about something in here.

I mean, you can have your lawyer look at it if you want.

Carly, I was just wondering if I may speak with you for a moment.

You probably don't have a lawyer anyway.

I'm Esme and I'm auditioning for the part of the Queen

of the Marshmallow People.

ROCK MUSIC

# I'm the queen, I'm the bestest queen you've ever seen

# I'm marshmallow

# But I ain't shallow! #

OK, sweetie, you need to stop that before you break a bone.

Excuse me?

Er, Richie!

Er, we need to make a contract, sign the heck out if it.

It's not fair!

Esme, no.

I'm just as good as Kaitlin and I can do my own stunts.

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

If you just come this way.

Oh, Jimmy, no, are you OK?

Oh, Jimmy, maybe you just need to rest for a second.

You never know what could have happened in the fall and then...

-Kate!

-OK, bye, Jimmy.

I meant that!

Look, Diego, skis.

They're lolly sticks.

Oh, use some imagination, would you?

I've used up all my imagination thinking

I live with a less annoying mouse.

-Do you hear that?

-OH! Will you watch what you're doing?

I thought I heard a cat or something,

but no, it must have been nothing.

I never wanted to be in her stupid movie anyway.

-Yeah, right.

-Will you shush? We're trying to read the script.

-What does it say about the Purple Princess?

-Oh, nothing yet.

-Oh, here she is.

-Oh, finally.

"She enters in a beautiful white dress."

-Yeah?

-"And everyone turns to look at her."

Well, obviously.

Me in a white dress? Who wouldn't be looking at me?

"And then...

"..she gets covered in purple goo."

-What?

-"And everyone starts laughing at her."

SHE CACKLES

Yeah, just like that, Esme.

-And, from now on, she's called the Purple Princess.

-What?

So I don't even have any lines?

"Purple Princess..."

No.

Unbelievable.

-Let me see that.

-No!

We got the script so we could find out what happens to the castle.

So...

"The Queen of the Marshmallow People is chased out of the castle."

She sounds weak.

I'm glad I didn't get the part.

"She vows to return and wreak terrible destruction."

-That sounds more like you.

-I suppose.

Will you two please stop?

"Meghan takes wing of bat and eye of newt."

Poor newt. Newts have feelings too, you know?

Dylan!?

Oh, OK.

"And she casts a terrible spell over the queen to keep her out for ever.

"But it goes wrong and..."

BOTH: Whoa!

What?

BOTH: "The castle explodes."

-GIRLS:

-What?

-Well, she used the wrong kind of bat wing.

Easily done.

Serves her right, bats are really nice.

Dylan! She's planning to blow up our home!

Well, obviously they're going to use special effects.

I mean, it's a film, nothing's real.

Well, the effects of the Hollywood on some people seem very real to me.

Come on, Gabe, Carly's not really going to blow up Richmoor Castle.

RUMBLING AND GROWLING

Richmoor Castle?

Well, if that's what you're calling it, then there really is no hope.

What? No, wait, Gabe!

I meant Bogmoor, not Richmoor!

RUMBLING AND GROWLING

-Stop saying that word.

-Sorry.

Wow, this is serious. If Rich hands over the castle to Carly then

the poltergeist is going to wreck this place before she does. Come on.

Thank you, Jimmilicious.

Now, Rich, can I get your autograph?

Of course.

Master Rich, don't do this!

Don't look at me like that, Gabe.

Look, I am saving Richmoor...

RUMBLING AND GROWLING

Rich, stop! She's going to blow up the castle.

-It says in the script.

-How did you get that?

She's only going to use special effects. Kids!

Special effects are real expensive.

She's joking.

You are joking?

-Look, this is our home!

-Indeed.

-Carly, I trusted you.

-Charlatan!

Come on. Guys, I can't make my movie without Richmoor...

RUMBLING AND GROWLING

It's a done deal.

Rich, stop her!

DANCE MUSIC

GROWLING

OK, call me Panicky Penelope but is this place really haunted?

Ah, I've been expecting you, Carly.

Ooh!

I tried to tell you.

So now you've met the poltergeist and Gabe...

Leave this place!

And Esme.

Ooh, I'm out of here!

GROWLING

That's show business.

-GABE:

-Good riddance.

GROWLING

-RICH:

-Well done.

-KATE:

-We did it!

SONG: Music from Ski Sunday

Right turn.

Left turn.

Right turn.

Left turn.

How was your audition, Dani?

Yeah, about that, I really went on about that last time,

I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.

It's all right, my lady.

Sometimes the Hollywood can make people go a bit weird.

-Right, guys? ALL:

-Yeah, whatever.

I didn't get the part anyway,

it was for a character called the Purple Princess.

That's showbiz.

Yeah, but it would have been great to get a part in a film

being shot in my home with my friends.

Actually, it didn't really work out.

As Dylan suspected...

Carly weren't really that trustworthy.

-Oh, sorry about that.

-It's OK.

We don't need the Hollywood,

we can make our own effects.

What do you mean?

-Well, let's just say, it was snowing in the hall earlier.

-What?

It doesn't matter, cos it's all back to normal now.

THUNDER CRACKS

-WATER POURS

-Oh!

THEY ALL LAUGH

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd