Bogmoor's Got Talent Dani's Castle

That was the latest track from Mr JT.

You know, a lot of people say that me

and Justin Timberlake are really, really similar.

There's a thing in the industry called a triple threat.

It consists of three things - singing, acting and dancing.

And my three things are looking good, looking good and looking good.

HE LAUGHS

-I tell you, I don't know where I get it from.

-What's he like?

REGGAE MUSIC PLAYS

Sorry about that, folks. Just a... Just a technical hitch.

I'll be back right after this break.

WOMAN ON RADIO: # Bogmoor FM. #

Ha!

-Magnificent composure, Lady Kate.

-High five.

Yeah.

-Did you slam the door?

-No, it wasn't us.

Gabe's teaching me how to play dartchery.

Dartchery? What's dartchery?

Well, it's archery but with a dart board.

Oh.

-And again.

-OK.

Did either of you slam the door?

No. I'm going to kill whoever it was.

They made me lose my top score.

It doesn't matter. I was beating you anyway.

It wasn't Kate or Gabe either.

Dylan!

Dylan.

Did you slam the front door?

Please leave me alone, bro.

-What I mean is, are you all right?

-Yeah. I'm sorry, Rich. It's just...

..the school play audition was today.

Oh! That's right. I forgot all about it.

Don't tell me. What part did you get?

Did you get the king? Did you get the dinosaur?

Nothing. I didn't get any part,

not even the wall, and I'm really good at pretending to be a wall.

See?

Look, there'll be other shows.

I mean, it probably weren't meant to be, that's all.

But you said that when I didn't get into the choir AND you said

that when I didn't get into the football team.

Yeah. But it doesn't mean you have to give up.

No. That's it. I'm never trying for anything again.

I just have to face it - obviously I'm not talented.

Don't be silly. Of course you are.

You know what? I'm going to prove it to you.

Listen up, you Bogmoor superstars.

Now Bogmoor FM is going to be hosting a talent show.

Now I don't care if you're a ballet dancer, a break-dancer

or a belly dancer, just come and get involved.

Oh, and you can watch the whole thing live on our Bogmoor webcam.

And the winner is chose by you, the public.

Look, if you ain't in you can't win, so bring on the talent. Boom!

Did Rich just said what I think he said?

-Boom!

-Ow!

-That's what master Rich just said.

No, not that bit. The bit about the talent competition.

Afraid so.

Great. Just when I thought I could have one nice,

normal weekend in this castle,

-Rich has to fill it with dancing dogs.

-Exactly.

Must we all show our special talents?

Cos I'm not too sure people are going to

enjoy my impression of Beethoven, although it is very uncanny.

A talent competition's a total waste of time.

Anyone that enjoys them is a total show off.

Here comes the talent, baby. Here comes the talent.

Sister, have you heard about the talent comp...? What's that?

Dylan's school tie.

Yes, but why are you wearing it?

I just wanted to know what it felt like. I've never been to school.

-Yes, you have.

-But not like the school Dylan goes to.

When we went to school we wrote on chalk and slate,

but Dylan uses tablets and computers.

I think going to school nowadays would be fun.

Don't tell Dylan I said that.

Your secret is safe with me, sister.

And I don't think it's fair that you should miss out

on an opportunity like this.

If you want to go back to school then back to school you shall go.

Erm, I'm a ghost, remember?

It might freak the teachers out just a tiny bit.

I shall teach you.

Starting tomorrow, I will bring you into the modern world of education.

-You?

-Yes.

I shall impart all my wisdom, answer all your questions.

I am your font of all knowledge.

-Oh, like Wikipedia!

-Wiki-what?

What's up, my fellow judge and judgette?

-Your fellow what?

-Judges.

Look, we're all going to be judges for Bogmoor's talent competition.

Ha! No way. Look, Rich, the talent competition was your idea.

I'm just going to have a nice, normal weekend,

one without singing sheep or shadow people.

But everybody knows you need more than one judge for a talent show.

You need a nasty one. I mean, a nice one.

A fair one. You know, a very popular one.

Look, I'm just not comfortable with judging people.

I think it's really cruel.

I mean, what would I know about talent competitions?

It's not judging. It's critiquing.

I mean, look, you ain't got to choose a winner.

You've just got to give an opinion on an act.

Everybody's got an opinion, Kate. Everybody.

Jimmy, you going to be a judge?

It's going to have to be a...

It's 1,000% yes from me, cuz.

-You're coming to Bogmoor, baby!

-Ha-ha! See?

Hello, Diego. How are yoooooou?

-What was that?

-What?

# I am singing

-# We should sing a duet

-No, we shouldn't.

-# Yes, we should

-Stop it.

# Will I shut up?!

-You're doing my head in.

-# You're doing me head in

-Look, shut up!

-# Shut up... #

BOTH SING

Oh! We harmonised then.

SHE LAUGHS

Are you trying to disappear? I told you, only ghosts can do that.

Gotcha!

New friend for Drum and Bass?

No. It's for my new act for the talent competition.

What are you going to do, bring it to life?

Yeah, kind of. I am a ventriloquist.

Hello...Ted.

How are you today?

Fine thanks, Dylan, and happy to be at...

I can see your lips moving.

HE MUMBLES

I can still see your lips moving.

HE MUMBLES

Did you understand any of that?

It depends on what language Ted was speaking.

-English.

-Nope.

Oh!

What if I don't like an act? I can't actually say that to them, can I?

Dani, you still there?

Sorry. Bradley keeps running away from me.

Is that your new co-star?

Yeah, you could say that.

Is he cute?

-Yeah, kind of. He's a dog.

-Oh.

Look, you don't have to be mean to the acts.

You just need to give some constructive criticism.

Focus on what you like and how they can improve their act.

That way they'll get better

and they'll know where their strengths lie.

And if you get stuck you could just try this trick.

Hmm. That's very interesting.

OK. I'll try and remember.

Bradley, no! Don't you dare! Bradley!

Oh, Kate, I'm really sorry. I'm going to have to go.

Bradley just peed on a really expensive costume.

I'm never working with animals again. Bradley!

OWL HOOTS

I tell you what, I can't wait for this competition tomorrow.

I wish I never had to be a judge though.

My Justin Timberlake tribute would be amazing.

Probably a winner.

What do you reckon? Dylan?

Look, what's up? You haven't ate Trafford's biscuits again, have you?

I told you, they're no good for you.

Why did you set up a talent show

when you know I have no talent whatsoever?

That's exactly why I set it up.

What? Just to humiliate me?

No. To prove you wrong.

Look, Dylan, you are talented, mate.

Look, you are probably the most talented at Bogmoor Castle.

-That's why you've definitely got to take part in the competition.

-No way!

I'll just make a fool of myself, just like I did in the school play.

No. You just got to find something you're good at.

What am I good at then?

I don't know. You'll figure it out.

-I know.

-No. Don't say, "Being a wall."

-Oh.

See? I knew you was going to say that.

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor's Got Talent!

Right. We are ready to rock and roll,

and the doors will open in a few minutes and we'll have our first act.

-Is the webcam connected?

-Up and running.

What about the voting system?

Meet...

the votometer. Now every vote made by the public is registered on here,

and by eight o'clock tonight we'll know who the winner is.

-Nice work, Kate.

-Actually, it was Jimmy's idea.

-Nice work, Jim.

Why are you facing that way?

-The act's going to be performing here.

-I want to sit this way,

so I can turn around when I hear something I like.

How are you going to turn around? It's just a normal chair.

Don't worry, I've got it wired up.

All I need to do is press this button.

Jimmy, it doesn't look very safe.

Kate, it's cool. Relax. I know what I'm doing.

The viewers at home are going to love it.

Bring on the first act.

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor's Got Talent!

TRIANGLE DINGS

I'm not going to lie to you, mate, it was awful.

Erm, awfully interesting.

That was awfully interesting.

Er...have you ever thought about adding some other

instruments to the act or maybe, you know, some music?

I really think it would help improve it. Jimmy, what did you think?

Help! Help!

Jimmy, push the button!

I did! This chair is going to kill me!

-Chair's not meant to do that.

-I'm... I'm going to be sick.

So, welcome to 21st century school.

-Are you ready for your first lesson?

-Totes ready.

-Excuse me?

-Totes, it means totally.

-In what language?

-In modern language. Everyone says it.

Hmm. Must have missed that one.

So, what subject are we doing today?

Drama? Computer science?

I know, how about multimedia and web technology.

Are you speaking that modern language again?

No. They're subjects people teach in school nowadays.

Well, we are starting with something much more exciting.

Tapestry.

-What?

-It is the art of creating a beautiful picture...

-using needle and threat.

-I know what it is. Why am I doing it?

Well, this is what girls were taught in my day.

It is a very important discipline for a young lady to learn.

Yeah, three centuries ago.

I want to learn how to design a website or speak Japanese.

-Oh, like totes.

-That's not Japanese.

Gabe, I wanted to go to school today, not hundreds of years ago.

Next.

FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

HE BLOWS WHISTLE SHE SCREAMS

So, you wanted to do an exciting, modern subject.

Well, it doesn't get any more exciting than PE.

Yeah, it does. I'm already on level ten of So Spooks Can't Dance.

Sister, have you contracted a fever?

No. It's called dancing. It's what kids these days do for fun.

This will be fun, trust me.

Always stretch.

Let me show you.

Aren't you mean to jump over it, not fall over it?

Yes. Moving on.

Punch bag.

Watch and learn.

-Aren't you meant to, you know, hit it?

-Yes. Moving on.

The vault.

Just do it all ready.

Ooh. Are you OK?

-SQUEAKY VOICE:

-Fine!

You're right, bro, this was fun.

But any chance of a lesson from this century?

FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

Well done, girls. Brilliant.

Oh, well done, girls. That was really good.

-Rocking, ladies.

-Next.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

This is crazy.

Next.

Erm, OK. Bored. Bye.

Prepare to have your mind blown, sister.

This time I've got it.

-Science!

-Wow.

Without science, we wouldn't have medicines or airplanes, or...

Or Professor Brian Cox.

This is really cool, bro.

-So, what experiment are we doing?

-Oh, no, no.

We don't start experimenting until at least lesson 74.

74? We're only on lesson one.

Yes, exactly. So, we better get started.

I want to teach you about cold-blooded vertebrates.

That means they have backbones, like Drum and Bass.

Yeah, whatever. Do I really need to know this?

Yes, you do.

Technically, geckos have backbones too, but Drum and Bass are reptiles.

Whereas this frog is an amphibian.

Have you seen Jimmy?

He's meant to be judging the talent competition. He's just disappeared.

Why wasn't I asked to judge?

I love judging people - it's my talent.

-Sorry, Esme. Next time, yeah?

-Yeah.

Well, if we can't do experiments,

I'm off to check out the talent show.

At least that will be interesting.

-Dylan, have you seen Jimmy?

-No.

Are you ready for your spot in the completion? You know it closes soon.

-I'm not performing.

-Why not?

Because a talent competition means you must have talent to enter,

and I don't have any talent. Even Trafford thinks so.

What do you mean?

He told me. Me and Trafford talk to each other, you know. Watch.

Trafford, blink if you think I have no talent whatsoever.

-See?

-Look, Dylan, you are good at something.

Name one thing then.

Talking to animals. You know more about animals than Steve Backshall.

I suppose I do know more about mating habits than he does.

Look, you know everything there is to know

about these three reptiles in particular.

What's for dinner?

See if you can guess.

-Is it cheese?

-Er, cheese, glorious cheese.

# We've got blue cheese, red cheese Cheddar cheese and Wensleydale

# Buffalo, Parmesan Edam cheese and all for sale

# American cheese, Swiss cheese Danish cheese and Brie's a seller

# Soft cheese, hard cheese Smelly cheese and mozzarella

# Stilton, goat's cheese Jarlsberg and tough Gruyere

# Roquefort, Emmental Manchego and camembert... #

Forget it. Forget it. I'm not hungry.

Wow. Is that the kitchen?

That looks just like my old science room at school.

Urg! That place gave me the heebie jeebies.

-I was hopeless at science.

-So was Esme.

You can't force people to learn - they have to want to.

She did want to. She just didn't like any of my lessons.

Look, people learn in different ways.

I was just the same as Esme at her age.

Yes, but I'm her big brother.

I wanted to educate her and teach her things she'd find useful.

I don't think Esme is going to ever need to dissect a frog.

-I suppose not.

-And if it's any consolation, I think

you're an amazing big brother to Esme.

Thank you, Lady Dani.

I totes appreciate it.

Come on! Woof! Woof!

Boring! I took a nap halfway through that

and your act was only two minutes long.

If I were you, I'd drop the dog, drop the wig, drop the voice,

just drop everything, cos that was a disaster.

That's ridiculous. Let's go.

You've got to stop her. She's going to scare away all the other acts.

I can't. Jimmy's gone missing and we need a third judge.

Next act.

-Jimmy?

-What are you doing up there, mate? You're meant to be judging.

I've been watching people all day do crazy stuff

and my eyes can't take it any more cos that's not talent. This is.

Hit it.

FUNK MUSIC PLAYS

He's well good.

What?!

Go, Jimmy!

SHE GASPS

He's actually pretty good.

Wow.

How's the voting going?

Audience love it.

Wow.

APPLAUSE

That's talent.

Thanks for keeping my seat warm, Esme, but J Dog's returned.

Use it or lose it, J Dog.

You're too harsh, Esme.

Fine. I don't need this stereo aggro. I'm out of here.

-That was pretty good.

-Thanks, man.

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor...

-Bogmoor...

-Bogmoor...

-Bogmoor's Got Talent!

All right. There's only a few minutes left

until the talent competition closes. Are there any last acts?

Last chance.

Right. Well, I guess that's Bogmoor's Got Talent competition...

Wait. Rich, is there still time to enter the competition?

The stage is all yours, brother.

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Thank you.

Ladies and gentleman, I'm Dylan the reptile comedian

and this is Trafford.

He's the world's first hip-hop bearded dragon.

That's right, he's a rap-tile.

MAKES DRUM NOISE

Don't blame me. He writes that material.

What's that, Trafford?

Yes. Nice one, buddy.

Like all bearded dragons, Trafford is originally from Australia.

He likes to call himself the lizard of Oz.

He's really quiet today, but dragons love to talk.

Sometimes his conversations can really drag on.

I've also got a pair of geckos called Drum and Bass.

Drum is humbled, but Bass just thinks he's great.

I keep telling him to gecko over himself.

The other day, I caught a boa constrictor in Trafford's vivarium,

trying to eat him.

The snake insisted he wasn't but, between you and me,

he didn't have a leg to stand on.

APPLAUSE

Woo!

Whoop! Whoop!

Dylan! Dylan! Dylan! Dylan!

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor's Got Talent!

Right. The talent competition is closed.

I'd like to thank you all for your...

For your...

interesting acts.

So, the winner of Bogmoor's Got Talent...

Rich.

Erm, hold that thought.

Hold it.

Er, funny story.

My battery's died, so I can't actually check the results

till I've recharged it.

Well, how long's it going to be? Cos we've got...

We've got people watching on the webcam.

Er, two minutes should do it.

Just...keep everyone entertained.

-What?

-You can do that.

-How?

You'll think of something!

# Yeah

# Hmm

# Whoa

# I'm walking away

# From the troubles in my life

# I'm walking away

# Oh, to find a better day

# I'm walking away

# From the troubles in my life

# I'm walking away

# Oh, to find a better day

# Sometimes some people get me wrong

# When it's something I've said or done

# Sometimes you feel there is no fun

# That's why you turn and run

-# Now I truly realise... #

-Rich.

# That many people were compromised

# I wander with my own eyes

# Sharing those lies, yeah. #

APPLAUSE

-VOICEOVER:

-Bogmoor FM!

The results are in.

They have been counted and verified.

So, the winner of Bogmoor's Got Talent...

..is...

Dylan the reptile comedian!

-Woo!

-Woo!

APPLAUSE

Ha-ha! You're the winner!

You are the winner of Bogmoor's Got Talent.

Dylan, how does it feel?

Amazing.

I'd like to thank Trafford and Drum

and Bass for being the best pets I could ever have.

I'd also like to thank my drama teacher for not giving me

the part of the wall in the school play.

But, most of all, I'd like to thank my big brother for believing in me,

even when I didn't believe in myself.

The public loves you, dude.

Do you think I'm ready to start my own show?

Maybe we could take it on tour, buy an actual zoo,

and do my routine with monkeys and horses and...

Let's just enjoy today, shall we? Yeah? Here you are.

Well done.

Smile for a picture.

Come and dance with me, Diego.

-I don't dance.

-What?

How do you know if you've never tried? You might love it.

Follow my lead. Five, six, seven and swing.

Three, four and go...

You look like you're fighting off a swarm of bees.

What? I bet I can make you move.

Tickle dance!

HE SCREAMS

SHE LAUGHS

Nice moves, Diego.

Congratulations, Master Dylan.

And Master Jimmy, what a wonderful display of broken dancing.

-You mean break-dancing.

-Do I?

-Yeah.

Hey, Esme, want to come and race Drum and Bass with me to celebrate?

Totes.

Did you know geckos are cold-blooded vertebrates?

Which means they DO have a backbone.

Of course they do, but who told you?

What you smiling at, Gabe?

Nothing. Just delighted to see the young ones learning.

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd