Best Friends Dani's House

THEY SNORE

ALARM SOUNDS

Warning. Warning. Asteroid approaching.

Evasive action required.

Brace for impact.

Collision avoided.

Oh... Oh, I was having the weirdest dream

that we almost got hit by an asteroid. Me too.

Oh, it's Dani's house.

Phew, we were lucky, we almost missed it.

Hi, my name's Dani, and this is my wonderful...

I'm Sam, her best friend. Oi! As I was saying...

I am her best friend too, Toby.

As I was saying, this is my show.

Max! That's me! I'm her brother.

And I'm his best friend Ben.

As I was saying, my name is Dani and this is my show.

EVERYONE SPEAKS AT ONCE

It is blatantly my show.

Buenos noches.

Hola.

Wassup?

Che pasa? We Three Amigos are off to a Mexican party.

Who has a Mexican party? Mexicans.

And my friend Libby who clicked on the wrong button

and got 500 nachos with her online shopping.

I'll bring you back some guacamole and gossip.

And I will bring you back some fascinating factoids

about the land of the Mayans. Mexico!

And I'll make sure she doesn't.

Why aren't you wearing your moustache?

Facial hair doesn't suit me. Plus the glue clogs your pores.

Mm...good job I groom mine then.

I got us the invite, the least you can do is wear your tash. Aaaah!

ALL: Riba!

Coordinator Zarg, why do humans grow hair on their face?

Is it to hide their repulsive, bug-eyed features

from the rest of the Universe?

Of course. Plus 100 years ago it was compulsory for important jobs

like President and circus freak.

Facial hair is often used to symbolise strength and power.

WHIRRING NOISE

What a primitive way of displaying social status.

WHIRRING NOISE

Positively barbaric.

OK, look, I win.

WHIRRING NOISE

Not even close.

THEY SING THE "CONGA"

Let's get the conga out there. Bye, bye, see you later.

Freeze. These can freeze people? Awesome!

Fire! Aaaah!

Can't go to the party.

Some squirts won't stop me -

and I'm not talking about the water pistols.

THEY LAUGH

ANSWERPHONE: 'Hi, Dani. It's Mum and Dad.

'We bumped into some friends and they invited us to dinner.

'Can you babysit? Thanks, love. Bye.' They said they'd be back by six.

Can my social life get any worse?

'And don't forget to change the baby's nappy.'

BABY CRIES

BABY BREAKS WIND

Incoming!

Great, that's all I need.

Look, forget the party.

We will stay here and have fun. Right, Toby?

Have you no sense of smell?

SHE KICKS HIM Ow! Great idea.

And there's an amazing documentary tonight on TV

about the life cycle... of a dung beetle!

You need to get a life cycle.

Just because I'm on nappy-watch shouldn't stop you two from going.

THEY LAUGH What? Just the two of us?

Yeah, right.

You're serious.

But, it would feel weird just going with Sam. Thanks.

It's not like you two have never hung without me before.

Really?

You are like the friendship glue holding us together.

We're like H2O - without you we're just two hydrogen atoms

floating about and you are the oxygen that turns us into water.

This is why we don't hang out.

It's like trying to have a conversation with a chemistry set.

Come on, guys. You must have more in common than just me. Go!

Be friends, play nice. Say hi to Libby for me.

OK. But...no geek talk.

What's wrong with Greek?

It's a beautiful language, used by Plato and Soc...

rates. You said geek.

It'll be a long night.

Sure you'll be OK? With you two gone, I'll get some peace and quiet.

Waaaaaaah!

BABY CRIES Charge!

Charge! Charge!

Wey-hey!

Charge! Fire!

Fire!

Fire! BABY CONTINUES TO CRY

AAAAGHHHH...

GLASS SHATTERS

..AAAAAAAAGHHH...

AAAAAAAAGHHH...

Ah, that does feel better.

Let's see if we can make you feel better too.

Good afternoon, good evening, good morning.

Did you know the average washing machine could fire 540 bullets a minute...? Oh...

That's a machine gun.

The sign outside says this was a doctor's surgery.

Yes, I'll have you fixed in no time.

Is it your nose, it does look very swollen? It's not me, it's the baby.

It won't stop crying.

Right, did you buy it here?

What? I cannot repair or replace it without a valid receipt.

It's a baby. It was delivered.

Ah, you bought it on line.

Then I'll see what I can do.

How to repair a...man,

woman, toaster...

Ah, baby, here we are. Have you tried switching it on and off again?

Am I right in thinking you've not had a lot of experience with babies?

I have mended a lot of waste disposal units which are very similar.

Time to leave.

Um, all you have to do is massage his tummy like so.

BABY GURGLES

Wow, that is amazing. Here, let me try.

Just a build-up of gas, this helps to unblock the sink. I mean, baby.

BABY BREAKS WIND

There's a good baby. Please, don't gas me.

THEY BREAK WIND

DOORBELL RINGS

Morning. Hiya.

So, how did it go last night?

Remember when I calculated pi to 100 decimal places?

Last night was even more exciting, it totally broke my awesome meter.

Awesome meter?

Toby uses it to measure how awesome something is.

From snoresome to awesome.

This party was off the scale. But you don't even like parties.

That was before I met Pedro the dancing cactus. BOTH: Arriba!

But it can't have been that good, I wasn't there.

MOBILE BEEPS

Oh, it's a videotex from Libby.

"Sorry you missed the best party of the century."

THEY SING

BOTH: Arriba!

You really caught some air.

I had a good teacher.

Ow!

Arriba!

LAUGHTER

BOTH: Stand and deliv...

Get out and STAY OU-U-U-U-T!

Max, she took our...

I know. You saved your pocket money for three months to buy those.

Six months. I saved for six months.

Don't worry, we'll get them back.

Oh yes...

..no one messes with the Max machine.

SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS

HE SPITS

SHE SPITS

HE BLOWS

SHE BLOWS

HE BLOWS, SHE BLOWS

Is it me, or are Sam and Toby totally ignoring me?

When they talk they keep finishing each other's sentences.

What's that all about? Here, have a listen.

MUFFLED VOICES

I still can't hear them, Co-ordinator Zarg,

could you turn up the volume?

Sorry. Wrong button.

I would love to go to...

Mexico. Me too. Wouldn't that be...

..intense! Maybe we could go... ..together. Great... ..idea.

I wanted them to become better friends, not best friends.

For all they care, I may as well not be here, it's like I'm invisible.

What do you want, Laser Girl?

I want to fight for truth, justice and liberty.

No, I mean what do you want to eat? Sorry, Robin Boy.

I'll have the usual.

Two grilled chicken salads. BOTH: Hold the fries.

Erm, what about me?

Sorry, Invisible Girl, forgot you were there.

I'm here.

Oh. Sorry, Invisible Girl, forgot you were there.

No, I'm here.

Hello! I am in front of your faces.

Now I'm in front of your faces.

Oh, I'm sick of being ignored!

CLATTERING

Burger and fries, please. Who said that?

I mean, we're still friends, right?

Probably just me being a drama queen - again.

SNIGGERING

Well, well, well, I think we just found a way to get back at Dani

for taking our water pistols.

We fill her sheets with honey?

No. We put a skunk in her bed?

No.

We...

No, that's all I've got.

We get her Achilles' heel.

You want to steal her shoes?

No, it doesn't mean that. It means I have something she hasn't.

A best friend. Yeah. So who's that then?

You, you duh-brain. Thanks.

Say "cheese". BOTH: Cheese.

EVIL CACKLE

BOTH LAUGH

I don't even know why we're laughing.

MOBILE BEEPS

"Can me and my best friend please have our water pistols back?"

CHATTERING AND LAUGHTER

How come everyone has a best friend besides me?

APPLAUSE

My next contestant is Dani.

Where are you from and what do you do? Well, I'm...

Ha, ha, that's wonderful. Before you spin the wheel of friendship...

# Wheel of friendship... #

..let's look at tonight's star prize.

Yes, you could be going home with your very own best friend!

AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHHS

Now, spin...the...wheel!

Ha, ha, right.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Aw, well, you don't go home empty-handed.

You get our very own consolation friend.

Max, what if Dani finds me looking for the water pistols?

Don't worry, Mum's got a first aid kit.

OK!

Get in there!

MIAOW!

Hey, what's this?

Dani's diary?!

Wonder if there's anything about me?

Unless it's got a pump action and blasts water over 30 metres,

I'm not interested. Keep looking.

What's a diary? It's where they milk cows.

Rabbit, rabbit, don't you two ever stop talking?

We're planning a world... ..trip. If we had the... ..money.

Places we'd go, things we'd... ..see? BOTH: Buy.

So, where are we going first?

Australia? G'day, mate. Or America.

How's it hanging, dude?

You can't come. You've got your acting to think of.

We'll send you a... ..postcard.

Thanks(!) Isn't it great how friends finish each other's...

..lunch. ..homework?

..sentences. BOTH: Oh!

Fancy another... ..game of foosball? Set 'em up, sis!

Heartbroken. Can you fix it?

Depends on who did the damage. Boyfriend? Parents?

Brother or sister? Friends.

Tricky. The others are easier to fix,

but friends, they can really gum up the works.

Are you just saying this so you can charge me more money? Yeah.

You're heartless. No, I've got plenty.

I've got hard hearts, soft hearts, brave hearts, sweet hearts,

heart...

two hearts. Hmm, warm hearts.

It's working again!

Er, no, it's definitely broken.

You have to buy one of these. It's beating.

No, it isn't.

She really doesn't like you.

Tell me something I don't know.

What's taking so long? I could've made some water pistols by now!

Hi, Max. Please don't hurt me!

Everybody hates me.

Am I really that bad a person?

Am I really that bad a person?

It's a trick question, right?

I say yes and then it's wham, lights out.

Sam and Toby, I think they're about to dump me.

Well, you know what they say.

BOTH: Three's a crowd.

What am I going to do?

You need to show them what a great person you are by, say,

giving me back the water pistols?

Nice try, fart face.

Remember what a great person you are!

Aaaaaaah!

Ooooooh!

TWANG! Ouch.

Ooh, now that's what I call a wedgie.

HIGH VOICE: If I wasn't your friend, this never would have happened.

Oh, come on, that's wedgie talk!

Being my friend is fun. Ooh!

Does this look like fun?!

We'll get the water pistols back and start having a laugh again.

I promise! We'd better.

Oooooh!

HE SNIGGERS

It's not funny!

I'm not...laughing.

SNIGGERING CONTINUES

Hey, guys!

Great shot, Toby. Love those boots, Sam.

So, how about you two staying tonight for a sleepover?

I've got popcorn and DVDs!

Sorry, Dani, we can't tonight.

Yeah, Pedro invited us to the show he's performing in.

He's a professional dancing cactus.

Yeah, he's a background skater on Cowboys On Ice.

Sounds fun. I'll come too.

Um, trouble is, he gave us the last two tickets. Oh.

But she can come to the wrap party, right?

Yeah, sounds cool.

Yeah, sounds cool.

Actually, you can only get in with those backstage passes he gave us.

You've got backstage passes?

Sorry, Dani. Maybe next time, yeah?

Oh, I just remembered, I couldn't've gone tonight anyway.

Babysitting again?

No!

I'm going out with one of my famous friends.

Oh, yeah, who?

Harry Potter.

Dani, he's just a character in a book.

I mean Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry Potter.

You know Daniel Radcliffe?

Yeah. He's, erm, taking me to a movie premiere.

You're going to a movie premiere tonight with Daniel Radcliffe?

Yep.

My awesome meter just exploded.

What's he like...? You've got to tell me...!

So, the more friends you have, the more popular you are.

The more popular you are, the happier you become.

We're way more popular than you are.

Co-ordinator Zark, cloning yourself does not count.

She's not my clone. She's not?

No way. I look nothing like her.

What's your name? Co-ordinator...

..Zargofoffadoff.

What planet did you meet on?

Flip...

Flip... Flerg...

Flip... Flerg... Aha!

Some friend you turned out to be!

I can't believe you're going to a movie premiere with Daniel Radcliffe!

Me neither. And to think we were going to miss all this excitement!

What about Pedro and the show? You guys can't miss that.

As amazing as it would have been, this is amazing-er.

There's no such word as amazing-er.

Well, there should be. So, tell us.

What are you going to wear tonight?

Oh, I...

I don't think I'm going to go. BOTH: What?

Yeah, I'm not feeling well.

You guys should go to the show.

Somebody's got red-carpet fright!

All those cameras! Cinderella will go to the ball.

HP's not the only one who can do a bit of magic. No, really, guys...

I'm going to be sick. Better out than in, you don't want that

on the red carpet. No, but...

Either she gives us the water pistols back

or it's pumpkin time for Cinderella.

Ben? Yeah?

I said, either she gives us the water pistols back... Never mind.

Please can I go to the ball, evil stepsister?

I should probably stop calling you that.

Cinderella, you can't go to the ball.

You don't have a dress to wear. Because you're wearing my dress.

I know, doesn't it look fabulous on me? Ha ha!

You're right, I am evil. See you.

BIRDS TWITTER

You've made me a dress?!

Oh, you sweet forest creatures, how can I ever thank you?

BIRDS TWITTER

Is that embroidery?

BIRDS TWITTER

It's bird poo?

Wooh!

I hate those landings!

Ahem! Ahem!

Fear not, Cinderella, for I am your fairy godmother.

I have come to make your dreams come true.

You're getting me a pony? No.

You are going to the ball to fall in love with a handsome prince.

Oh, yeah, that.

I am going to make you the most beautiful girl at the ball.

Step back.

Alakazam!

Thanks a lot(!)

You're less help than the birds.

I... I'll go.

Listen, I'm not... Close your eyes.

Look, I'm not really going out to with Daaaaaaa...

What I'm trying to tell you is...

HAIRDRYER DROWNS HER OUT

HAIRDRYER STOPS OK?

Great, but we've really got to get you ready for a premiere. But...

I'm not going to a movie premiere with Daniel Radcliffe!

Not dressed like that you're not.

Get out while we accessorize.

I just want a burger!

Write, "Dear Georgie, with love!" Let's have a look at your hair!

Just leave me alone!

EVERYTHING FALLS SILENT

Ah, that's better.

Hello?

Anybody there?

Could I get some attention over here, please?

Hello?

Hello, world.

BOTH: Hello, Earthlings.

Are you ready for the new-look Dani?

A drum roll, please.

Here's Dani!

Listen, guys, I'm not really...

Wow! I look amazing!

You'd have done the same for me. Without the

make-up and dress, obviously. That's what friends are for.

She's crying. These things happen all the time on those makeover shows.

She's loving our work!

THEY SOB

She looks so pretty!

Hand over the water pistols, you're not going anywhere.

Go on then, give it your best shot. All over the dress.

Max, you said she'd beg us not to.

She's bluffing. You're not getting the water pistols back ever.

So now what are you going to do?

Max? Stand your ground.

She's not going to blow a premiere for a couple of water pistols.

Do you mean the water pistols I smashed up and threw in the bin?

You didn't. It's the most fun I've had in ages.

You're going to pay.

Don't do it, Max, she could get us Harry Potter's autograph.

Remember the wedgie?

Ooh!

BOTH: No!

Why did you do that?

You can't go to a movie premiere covered in ketchup.

Or chocolate sauce.

I'm not friends with Daniel Radcliffe.

So who are you going to the premiere with? Ron?

No. Hermione?

No. Dumbledore?

Is it anyone's autograph we can sell on the internet?

There is no movie premiere. I made the whole thing up. ALL: What?!

I was jealous.

I was jealous.

I thought you two didn't want to be my friend anymore, so I made one up.

Dani! You made us miss two hours of cowboys dancing on ice.

Actually, that would have been really dull.

Yeah, close call. Thanks, Dani.

So we're still friends? Well, duh!

The Three Amigos, remember?

ALL: Arriba!

Let's never do that.

But of course, you don't get off that easily.

Aaaagh!

Another great show.

Human friendship certainly is strange.

Co-ordinator Zarg, do you think we could be friends?

You mean lie to each other and be constantly paranoid whether

the other person likes us or not? Yes!

All right then. Friends it is.

Fancy a nap? Doodle do.

THEY SNORE

SIREN BLARES 'Warning, warning!

'Asteroid approaching!

'Warning, warning...'

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's ride this wave right out to sea

# I will be breaking free. #

Remember the wedgie?

Noooo!

OK, just me then, yeah?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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