Luck Dani's House


Luck

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Transcript


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What is that you're writing, Co-ordinator Zark?

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It's a postcard, Co-ordinator Zang.

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Humans send them to loved ones during long spells away from home.

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I thought I'd let my friends know how the mission was going.

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Have you written anything about me?

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Maybe.

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-Really?

-Maybe.

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-Can I see?

-I've not finished yet.

-Let me see!

-No!

-Yes!

-No!

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No! Let go!

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Who's that meant to be?

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Captain Sucky?

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Hi, my name's Dani, and this is my wonderful...

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-I'm Sam.

-Oi!

-Her best friend.

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As I was saying...

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I'm her best friend too, Toby.

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As I was saying, this is my show.

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-Max!

-That's me! I'm her brother.

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-Get out of it.

-And I'm his best friend, Ben.

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As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my show.

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ALL: It's not your show! It's my show!

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Where are they? They've got to be here somewhere. Oh!

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Max's pants! Oh, gross!

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Have you ever had a day where it feels like the world is against you?

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I woke up excited about this afternoon's big audition

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and here I am, up to my elbows in underwear.

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-DOORBELL

-I don't have time for this.

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We were just going to the movies and we thought we'd pop in

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-and wish you good luck.

-Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go...

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Did I really just do that?

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Let's never speak of it again.

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Are you OK? You look a bit fed up.

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Fed up, down, depressed, forlorn.

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I'd be miserable too if I'd been reading the dictionary.

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How could you possibly be miserable after Toby's cheerleading?

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We agreed never to mention it.

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I thought you'd be excited about your big audition.

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-I don't think I'm going to go.

-What happened?

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Something terrible - I've lost my lucky socks!

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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Oh, sorry, got that ringtone set a bit loud.

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I'll call them back, it's a business contact

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wanting to discuss a major new...

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My mum wants to know if I'll be back for tea.

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So, lucky socks. Care to explain?

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I've worn them to every successful audition I've ever had.

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-Are you attached to that finger?

-Obviously.

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I'm just saying, you know, magic socks.

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-They're not magic, they're lucky, there's a difference.

-Sure there is.

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-Toby, Dani isn't mad.

-Thank you, Sam.

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She's just completely deluded!

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The idea that an inanimate object could bring good or bad luck

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is just superstitious nonsense.

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Translation, please.

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Fine, stand and trade notes why I'm losing the plot,

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I'll look for them myself.

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-Have you called the police?

-Yeah!

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Like the police have a missing socks hotline!

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Welcome to Sock Watch, the show that aims to solve

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all your sock-related crime, wherever it strikes.

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I'm Jennifer Pancake.

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-And I'm Nicholas Waffle.

-If your socks have been damaged, stolen

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or verbally abused we can help.

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-Here's Nicholas with today's missing sock report.

-Thanks, Jen.

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It's Jennifer.

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Police are desperately hunting a pair of socks, said to be size 3-6,

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knitted and pink in colour.

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They have issued this image of the missing pair.

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-Thanks, Nick.

-It's Nicholas.

-If you think you can help,

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please call on this number.

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Becoming prize kings was one of the best things we've ever done, Ben.

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I can't believe how good you are with competition questions.

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I can't help being brilliant.

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Look at all this great stuff we've won.

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Wow! I... WE couldn't have won it without you.

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-Please don't touch my... I mean, our prizes.

-Sorry, Max.

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Hope your brilliant brain's feeling well-oiled to win us more prizes.

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We've got a lot of work to do.

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I have to find my lucky socks.

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-Where are they?

-OK, think - where did you have them last?

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Well done. You win the prize for asking the most unhelpful question.

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Somebody had to ask sooner or later, it's the law.

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We need to find those socks by a process of elimination.

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I'll enter the data into my computer

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and run an algorithm detailing all the possible locations.

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I don't have time for the nerd approach, Sam!

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No offence.

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None taken. Nerdishness is very in this season.

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Right, I have an hour before I need to leave.

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If we're gonna find these socks, we need to search from top to bottom.

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Bottom! We'll check the den.

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Co-ordinator Zang, what is luck?

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It is a force that acts for good or bad in a being's life,

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shaping situations, events or opportunities.

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Some foolish beings attach luck to everyday objects.

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In my opinion it doesn't even exist.

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Right, so some object, like, say, this big red button,

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could be either good or bad luck.

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Be careful! That button controls our gyroscopic stabiliser.

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So, I guess it would be pretty unlucky if I pressed it?

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It would be suicidal. We would lose orbit and disintegrate.

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-That would make it an unlucky button?

-No.

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So, it's a lucky button?

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No! Yes! No!

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It's just a button! Please, come away from it.

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Fine! OK, whatever!

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'Warning! Atmospheric disintegration imminent!'

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Prepare for vaporisation!

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Let's go again, that was fun!

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-We could have been vaporised!

-You were loving it!

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Loving it, Co-ordinator? This is me loving something.

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And this is what I was doing!

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-Your name Max?

-Do I look like a Max?

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I dunno! It could be short for Maxine, Maximina, Maxette.

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-Max is my brother.

-Well, I've got a delivery for him.

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-A year's supply of dog food.

-But we don't have a dog!

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My dog food's here! Yes!

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Congratulations, young man! Courtesy of Barky Boy Gourmet Dog Grub.

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Why do you keep doing competitions to win stuff you don't need?

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You're just jealous cos the only thing you nearly won

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was the World's Biggest Loser competition,

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and even then you only came third!

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That's gotta hurt.

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Hello! Private conversation, yeah?

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Just drop the dog food round the front, my good man.

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Max, have you seen my socks?

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Have you tried the end of your legs?

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You'd better not have eaten my socks, monkey face.

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Guess there's only one way to find out...

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time for a nappy change.

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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Co-ordinator, what is a nappy?

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Absorbent underwear worn by a human infant.

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A human nappy is one of the most potent stenches in the universe.

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Can't be worse than the armpit secretions

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of the Oltraksian Arcoblat.

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-Oh, yes, they can.

-Smellier than the gassiest emissions of the air-filled

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tanga-tanga five?

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-Considerably so.

-Smellier than...

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Co-ordinator, do you intend to go through

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the entire A to Z of galactic smells?

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But I haven't even got to the farting fish of Floodraxias Prime.

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Dani's socks have to be here somewhere.

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I want to know what you're doing.

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We're looking for a pair of socks?

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-Right.

-And what's the one thing we know about socks?

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In 18th century BC they were made from matted animal hair?

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That they smell!

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So I'm using my head and following my nose.

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Ow!

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I just fished through a full nappy for nothing.

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Did you find anything down there?

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Dozen dead woodlice, a piece of chewing gum...

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oh, and this pirate's leg.

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That's not a pirate's leg, it's the wooden leg of the table.

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If you're going to be believe in socks...

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you might as well believe in the tooth fairy.

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Oh, yeah? If the tooth fairy isn't real,

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who left all those pound coins under my pillow?

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The magical pillow-dwelling money mouse.

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Ah! Of course!

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Look, Dani, you've got a big audition,

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you're nervous, I understand,

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but you can't back out just because a pair of socks go missing.

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-Oh!

-No.

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No! So, what you're saying is I need some new lucky charms

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and then everything will be fine?

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-I meant more that you have to believe you can.

-I'll be right back.

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Are you still giving away novelty lucky charms with a Jolly Meal?

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-Yes, Madam.

-Can you buy the lucky charms separately?

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That would be against company policy as laid down by

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the Happy Big Burger Corporate Chart.

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If you want a lucky charm, you have to buy a Jolly Meal,

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-like everyone else.

-How many lucky charms are there to collect?

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15. How many more do you need to complete your collection?

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15.

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Oh, so that's 15 Jolly Meals is it, Madam?

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I suppose I don't actually have to eat them.

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Oh, yes, you do, young lady!

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I'm not letting good food go to waste! Mmm, bon appetit!

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Complete the sentence in no more than 15 words.

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Softy Silk Handcream is the housewife's choice because...

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Because, er... something, something, oranges, something.

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Try again.

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Because it keeps my hands as moist and supple as the day I was born.

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Perfect!

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Next one.

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In less than 25 words

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say why you deserve an all-expenses paid weekend on a working farm.

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Because I know that eggs come from hens, milk comes from cows

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and I want to know which animal lemonade comes from.

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Try again, Ben.

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Because the bright colours of the countryside make me feel so alive.

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Ben, you're a natural.

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How can you be so good at this and so completely unique

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the rest of the time?

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My parents say I've got a very unusual brain.

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Look at all these amazing treasures!

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The grandfather clock, sink plunger, subscription to Potato Monthly,

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musical oven glove, huge vat of anti-baldness lotion.

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Which is working a treat on my legs!

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Looking good, Ben!

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What about this? Shall we put this in the bin?

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I can't imagine we'd want it.

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Not want it? That's the Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair!

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-Ben, you've found the ultimate competition prize!

-I have?

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Built-in surround sound speakers, made from form-fitting memory foam,

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dispenses liquid food from a pipe.

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It even deals with your poos!

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-That's my kind of chair.

-And with your help, I'm...

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We're gonna win it!

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DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC

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-Ah ha ha!

-I'm going solo on this one, Ben.

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Sorry, Max.

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DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC

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Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!

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Ah ha ha ha!

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Who'd have though it? There is such a thing as too much junk food.

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What is that round your neck?

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My new lucky charms. My lucky four-leafed clover,

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my lucky horseshoe, my lucky rabbit's foot.

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Not so lucky for the rabbit.

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I need to test if these are actually lucky.

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Oh! Here, toss a coin, heads or tails?

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-See whether your good luck's back.

-Good thinking!

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Those charms won't make any difference.

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Tossing a coin is about averages, not luck.

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-Heads or tails?

-Tails never fails.

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You've got a 50/50 chance of getting it right,

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luck has nothing to do with it.

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-You were close!

-How close?

-Heads.

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How close can you be?

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Second time lucky. Heads this time.

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Ow! Toby, you got my eye!

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There's clearly nothing lucky about any of this rubbish.

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Without my socks I'm never going to be lucky again!

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SMASH!

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Oh! Not for at least seven years.

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BELL

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I need you to fix this.

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-Why? It's a lovely picture frame.

-But it's meant to be a mirror.

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Oh!

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Well, mirror repairs don't come cheap, Missy,

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but I'll see what I can do.

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Here we are, all fixed.

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Ooh!

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Gotcha!

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Well, that's the mirror sorted then.

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It's a miracle we got it finished

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with you checking out your reflection.

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I can't rely on you to tell me how good I'm looking.

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-What happened?

-Yeah, you look really...blue!

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I was so busy worrying about my missing socks

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that I walked under a ladder and a bucket of paint fell on me.

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I couldn't see so I tripped over a black cat,

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and then a magpie flew by and spat on me.

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-Maybe you were right about the socks.

-I'm a bad luck magnet.

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Don't you see? You're in such a state

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that you're causing all this bad luck for yourself.

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You have to get ready for your audition.

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I'm not going out there! What if a tin of paint falls on my head again?

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You can use my umbrella.

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Toby, it's sunny outside - why do you have a brolly?

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The hair must be protected.

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Oh, no! Opening an umbrella is really bad luck!

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Oh, no!

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So, this is what the humans call an umbrella?

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But what can it be used for, Co-ordinator?

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It is a shield to protect from harsh overhead conditions.

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Rain, sunshine, falling pianos.

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Humans consider it bad luck to open one indoors.

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Why?

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Like so much the humans do, I find it utterly baffling.

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I mean, what could possibly be bad luck about doing this?

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Gotcha!

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One of these days, Co-ordinator!

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One of these days...

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Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

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Toby, what have you done?

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-It was an accident.

-You know what this means?!

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Yes. Now I'm doomed too.

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Great! Now they've both had it.

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It's tough being the smartest person in the show.

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We heard that.

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Good morning. There's a face I haven't seen before.

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Have you got anything to help my friend relax?

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She's too tense to leave the house.

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Is it a soothing mineral face pack?

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It's a bucket of mud from the garden.

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If she won't go outside, why not let the outside come to her?

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Come on, Ben! Think! In 25 words or less, tell me why

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the Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

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is the ultimate video game accessory.

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Because it won't give you chickenpox...probably?

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Try again.

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The Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

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is the ultimate video game accessory cos...?

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-It hardly ever collapses when you sit on it?

-What's wrong with you?

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We finally find something I - WE want - and you fall to pieces.

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You're putting too much pressure on me, I'm really freaking out!

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Take deep breaths, let your subconscious do the thinking.

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I've gone blank.

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Ben, I wish I knew what went on in that brain of yours.

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WIND BLOWS

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I think I've got that writer's block thing.

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Then we'll have to get your brain unblocked,

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even if it means I have to use this!

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What happened to the rest of the Dalek?

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Come on, Dani, you've got to get ready for your audition.

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If I leave this house I'll probably get hit by a bus.

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You're being silly.

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What if we stay here and a bus comes crashing through the wall?

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Guys! There's as much chance of a bus crashing through that wall

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as there is the sofa turning into a giant walrus and eating you.

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There is?

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This is ridiculous! Luck is nothing but statistics.

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I'll enter the data from a coin toss into my scientific calculator.

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Strange, it won't turn on.

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-Maybe it needs new batteries.

-It's never done this before.

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What a spot of bad luck.

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You're telling me, this is my lucky calculator... I mean, er...

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You have a lucky calculator?

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It has sentimental value, been in my family for years.

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-How many years?

-Four, but it's the calculator I've always used

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when I've done really well in an exam.

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So, in other words, Little Miss There's No Such Thing As Luck,

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that's your lucky charm.

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Don't be silly. I told you, I don't believe in luck.

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What are these?

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-They're nothing.

-Are these lucky gonks?

-No.

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They've even got nametags... Lucky Lucille, Calm Keith.

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Face it, Sam, you're every bit superstitious as we are.

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OK, I admit it!

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Maybe I'm slightly superstitious but I'll do anything to pass those exams,

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even if it means putting my faith in lucky gonks.

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So why bang on about statistics?

0:18:110:18:14

Cos I didn't want you missing your big audition over some silly socks.

0:18:140:18:17

Doesn't matter now anyway because we're all jinxed.

0:18:170:18:20

Great, now we're stuck on this sofa for ever.

0:18:200:18:24

Please don't let it be forever.

0:18:240:18:26

How long's it been now, dear?

0:18:310:18:35

67 years, dear.

0:18:350:18:38

Say it again, dear.

0:18:380:18:40

I said we've been on the sofa 67 years, dear.

0:18:400:18:46

That's nice, dear.

0:18:460:18:48

I'm 84 years old, dear.

0:18:480:18:51

We're all 84 years old, dear.

0:18:510:18:54

So am I, dear, and I've still got my own teeth.

0:18:540:19:00

Do you think it's safe to get off the sofa yet, dear?

0:19:000:19:03

Let's leave it a little while longer, dear,

0:19:030:19:06

there's no need to be ha-a-a-sty.

0:19:060:19:11

Ben, according to this largely informative book you can

0:19:160:19:19

banish writer's block by playing a simple game of word association.

0:19:190:19:23

What's that?

0:19:230:19:25

It's when I say a word and you say the first thing

0:19:250:19:28

that comes into your head.

0:19:280:19:29

-OK?

-OK.

-Ambulance.

-Sausages.

0:19:290:19:33

-Sausages?

-Ambulance.

0:19:330:19:35

How do you go from ambulance to sausages?

0:19:350:19:38

I know someone who burnt himself on a sausage

0:19:380:19:40

-and had to be taken to hospital.

-Who was that?

-Me.

0:19:400:19:44

Look, when I say something, you say the first thing you think of.

0:19:440:19:47

-Got it?

-Got it.

0:19:470:19:49

-Aeroplane.

-The first thing you think of.

0:19:490:19:52

No! So...

0:19:520:19:54

Needle. I think I'm getting it now, Max.

0:19:540:19:57

-Cabbages.

-Motorbikes.

0:19:570:19:59

-Crash helmet.

-Cucumber.

0:19:590:20:01

Oh!

0:20:010:20:02

Can we play a game, Co-ordinator Zang?

0:20:060:20:08

I've had enough of your games.

0:20:080:20:09

-Ple-e-ease!

-Which did you have in mind?

0:20:090:20:11

Flush Co-ordinator Zang out of the airlock

0:20:110:20:14

or smack Co-ordinator Zang in the face with a gremlish pie?

0:20:140:20:18

It's new. Surprise Co-ordinator Zang with a secret trapdoor.

0:20:180:20:23

HE SCREAMS

0:20:230:20:26

I win!

0:20:250:20:26

Best of three?

0:20:270:20:28

DOORBELL RINGS

0:20:320:20:36

-Don't answer it.

-It's only going to be something bad.

0:20:330:20:36

-Don't do it, Dani.

-What if they've found my socks?

0:20:360:20:39

How would they know they're your socks?

0:20:390:20:41

They've got my name and address written on the inside.

0:20:410:20:43

-Dani!

-Dani, stop!

-I have to.

0:20:450:20:47

You scared me half to death!

0:20:590:21:01

Blame your brother, he won this down the Executive Taxidermy Services.

0:21:010:21:05

-Enjoy yourself, darlin'.

-Excuse me!

0:21:050:21:08

I was talking to the bear.

0:21:080:21:10

How is Max winning all this stuff? Every day there are new prizes.

0:21:110:21:16

-How long has this been going on for?

-Last couple of weeks, at least.

0:21:160:21:19

-And when did you last see your lucky socks?

-About a couple of weeks ago.

0:21:190:21:24

You don't think...

0:21:250:21:27

MAX! I'm coming for you, you filthy sock thief!!

0:21:270:21:31

In the studio with us now is Mrs A from Leicestershire,

0:21:330:21:37

who is a victim of a truly socking crime.

0:21:370:21:40

Oh, so funny!

0:21:420:21:43

-Mrs A, thank you for coming.

-Thank you, Nick.

-It's Nicholas.

0:21:430:21:47

-Now, you have requested that we protect your identity.

-That's right.

0:21:470:21:51

Can you please tell us what happened to you on the evening of June 14th?

0:21:510:21:55

I was in my garden, feeding my giant squid, when I heard

0:21:550:21:58

-a strange noise from inside the house.

-Go on.

0:21:580:22:00

My husband, Mr A, he went inside and there was this strange man

0:22:000:22:04

trying on our socks.

0:22:040:22:06

He must have been wearing six or seven pairs simultaneously.

0:22:060:22:09

That must have been very distressing for you.

0:22:090:22:11

My husband asked him what he was doing

0:22:110:22:13

and he just slithered up the chimney,

0:22:130:22:15

still wearing our socks, and vanished.

0:22:150:22:17

What have you done for socks since?

0:22:170:22:19

I've been using bags of frozen peas!

0:22:190:22:22

I've got one! I've got a slogan!

0:22:270:22:30

Come on! Don't keep it to yourself.

0:22:300:22:32

-Spill the beans.

-What beans?

-Just tell me the slogan.

0:22:320:22:35

The Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

0:22:350:22:38

is the ultimate video game accessory because...

0:22:380:22:41

it gives the cyber-warrior within me a place to sit and recharge.

0:22:410:22:44

Bit rubbish?

0:22:450:22:47

It's brilliant!

0:22:470:22:48

Right!

0:22:480:22:50

You never heard of knocking?

0:22:520:22:53

The only knocking I'm going to be doing is knocking your block off!

0:22:530:22:57

What are you talking about?

0:22:570:22:58

You stole my lucky socks, don't try and deny it!

0:22:580:23:00

-What would I want with your socks?

-Dani, don't hurt him!

0:23:000:23:05

At least not until he's told you where they are.

0:23:050:23:07

-What are you talking about? What socks?

-You're wearing them!

0:23:070:23:11

You actually put your disgusting feet in my socks!

0:23:110:23:14

URGH! I'm wearing girls' socks. What are those doing on my feet?

0:23:140:23:17

Don't act like you don't know.

0:23:170:23:19

I was half asleep this morning. Mum must have put them

0:23:190:23:23

in my drawer by mistake. I thought they felt a bit tight.

0:23:230:23:27

-You stretched them!

-Not my fault you got weird little pixie feet!

0:23:270:23:31

Oh, give them back!

0:23:310:23:32

Get him, Dani, pull his feet off!

0:23:320:23:36

Calm down, Co-ordinator. Such violence is unbecoming

0:23:360:23:38

for a superior intellect such as yours.

0:23:380:23:41

Don't pretend you don't enjoy it.

0:23:410:23:44

Violence is the last resort of a desperate species.

0:23:440:23:47

Is that why you threw that bottle of shampoo at me the other day?

0:23:470:23:51

That was different, you'd been using my flannel...

0:23:510:23:55

..again!

0:23:560:23:57

Ah, your feet reek, what do you do with them?

0:23:580:24:02

-Nothing!

-I can tell, they smell like cheese and vinegar.

0:24:020:24:06

I think you ought to take a look at this.

0:24:090:24:12

Keep out of my stuff, hair-gel boy!

0:24:120:24:14

These are rejection slips from unsuccessful competition entries.

0:24:140:24:19

How much did it cost to enter all these competitions?

0:24:190:24:22

-Just his life savings.

-But it was worth it!

0:24:220:24:24

Look at all this cool stuff I've won.

0:24:240:24:27

Why would you want a vat of anti-baldness lotion?

0:24:270:24:31

I might go bald one day.

0:24:310:24:32

-But it expires in six months.

-I could go bald early.

-Really early.

0:24:320:24:37

All the competitions you lost.

0:24:370:24:39

The money you spent on stamps, you could have bought this junk.

0:24:390:24:42

With a few quid left over.

0:24:420:24:44

-Probably enough for that cool gaming chair you wanted, Max.

-Shut up, Ben!

0:24:440:24:48

-Will do.

-Come on, guys, let's leave Max to his treasures.

0:24:480:24:51

You can keep the socks, perhaps they're not so lucky after all.

0:24:510:24:55

They look good on you too.

0:24:550:24:57

I'm gonna find some way to blame you for all this, Ben.

0:24:570:25:01

Yeah, all right.

0:25:010:25:02

That's about all we have time for this week. On next week's programme,

0:25:040:25:08

a man who believes his socks are speaking to him.

0:25:080:25:11

And we find out how you can safeguard your Christmas stocking.

0:25:110:25:15

Good night, God bless and feet dreams.

0:25:150:25:19

Do you think you two are related?

0:25:270:25:29

The bear's head is filled with sawdust, Toby.

0:25:290:25:32

If anyone's related, it's you.

0:25:320:25:34

-Ta-da!

-Looking good, Dani.

0:25:340:25:36

Not as good as me, obviously, but still good.

0:25:360:25:39

Guys, so my socks weren't lucky but at some auditions

0:25:390:25:42

I've definitely felt luckier than others.

0:25:420:25:44

I think we're all agreed you make your own luck in life.

0:25:440:25:47

-There's more to it than that.

-We'd best be going,

0:25:470:25:49

otherwise we'll be late for our film. We only popped in to wish you luck.

0:25:490:25:53

-Yes?

-What did you just say?

0:25:540:25:57

-That we'd better go or we'll be late?

-No, the other thing.

0:25:570:26:02

That I'm looking good?

0:26:020:26:03

No, the other, other thing, about you just popping in.

0:26:030:26:06

-Yeah, to wish you luck.

-Don't you see?

0:26:060:26:09

It's you two!

0:26:090:26:10

-Us two?

-What was us two?

0:26:100:26:14

Whenever I've had a successful audition,

0:26:140:26:16

you two have always popped in beforehand to wish me luck!

0:26:160:26:19

We gave you the confidence to give good audition?

0:26:190:26:21

No, I'm saying you two are my lucky charms.

0:26:210:26:23

Glad that's all cleared up. Best be going.

0:26:230:26:27

You're not going anywhere. You're coming with me to the audition.

0:26:270:26:30

-But the film?

-Catch a later showing. Come on, move it!

0:26:300:26:34

Will you sign for this ton of manure your brother just won?

0:26:390:26:43

I trust you're going to write an exhaustive report

0:26:470:26:50

into the lessons we've learnt this week?

0:26:500:26:52

I've lost my pen.

0:26:520:26:56

I've lost my notepad.

0:26:560:26:58

-Use the computer.

-Do I have to?

0:26:580:27:02

Just get to work!

0:27:020:27:04

Oh, no! The computer's not working!

0:27:070:27:10

It's a state of the art inter-dimensional processor,

0:27:100:27:13

the most advanced computer ever constructed,

0:27:130:27:16

it cost zillions of galactic credits.

0:27:160:27:18

It's still not working.

0:27:180:27:21

Have you tried switching it on and off again?

0:27:210:27:23

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

0:27:380:27:41

Email [email protected]

0:27:410:27:43

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