Luck Dani's House

What is that you're writing, Co-ordinator Zark?

It's a postcard, Co-ordinator Zang.

Humans send them to loved ones during long spells away from home.

I thought I'd let my friends know how the mission was going.

Have you written anything about me?

Maybe.

-Really?

-Maybe.

-Can I see?

-I've not finished yet.

-Let me see!

-No!

-Yes!

-No!

No! Let go!

Who's that meant to be?

Captain Sucky?

Hi, my name's Dani, and this is my wonderful...

-I'm Sam.

-Oi!

-Her best friend.

As I was saying...

I'm her best friend too, Toby.

As I was saying, this is my show.

-Max!

-That's me! I'm her brother.

-Get out of it.

-And I'm his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my show.

ALL: It's not your show! It's my show!

Where are they? They've got to be here somewhere. Oh!

Max's pants! Oh, gross!

Have you ever had a day where it feels like the world is against you?

I woke up excited about this afternoon's big audition

and here I am, up to my elbows in underwear.

-DOORBELL

-I don't have time for this.

We were just going to the movies and we thought we'd pop in

-and wish you good luck.

-Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go, Dani! Go...

Did I really just do that?

Let's never speak of it again.

Are you OK? You look a bit fed up.

Fed up, down, depressed, forlorn.

I'd be miserable too if I'd been reading the dictionary.

How could you possibly be miserable after Toby's cheerleading?

We agreed never to mention it.

I thought you'd be excited about your big audition.

-I don't think I'm going to go.

-What happened?

Something terrible - I've lost my lucky socks!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Oh, sorry, got that ringtone set a bit loud.

I'll call them back, it's a business contact

wanting to discuss a major new...

My mum wants to know if I'll be back for tea.

So, lucky socks. Care to explain?

I've worn them to every successful audition I've ever had.

-Are you attached to that finger?

-Obviously.

I'm just saying, you know, magic socks.

-They're not magic, they're lucky, there's a difference.

-Sure there is.

-Toby, Dani isn't mad.

-Thank you, Sam.

She's just completely deluded!

The idea that an inanimate object could bring good or bad luck

is just superstitious nonsense.

Translation, please.

Fine, stand and trade notes why I'm losing the plot,

I'll look for them myself.

-Have you called the police?

-Yeah!

Like the police have a missing socks hotline!

Welcome to Sock Watch, the show that aims to solve

all your sock-related crime, wherever it strikes.

I'm Jennifer Pancake.

-And I'm Nicholas Waffle.

-If your socks have been damaged, stolen

or verbally abused we can help.

-Here's Nicholas with today's missing sock report.

-Thanks, Jen.

It's Jennifer.

Police are desperately hunting a pair of socks, said to be size 3-6,

knitted and pink in colour.

They have issued this image of the missing pair.

-Thanks, Nick.

-It's Nicholas.

-If you think you can help,

please call on this number.

Becoming prize kings was one of the best things we've ever done, Ben.

I can't believe how good you are with competition questions.

I can't help being brilliant.

Look at all this great stuff we've won.

Wow! I... WE couldn't have won it without you.

-Please don't touch my... I mean, our prizes.

-Sorry, Max.

Hope your brilliant brain's feeling well-oiled to win us more prizes.

We've got a lot of work to do.

I have to find my lucky socks.

-Where are they?

-OK, think - where did you have them last?

Well done. You win the prize for asking the most unhelpful question.

Somebody had to ask sooner or later, it's the law.

We need to find those socks by a process of elimination.

I'll enter the data into my computer

and run an algorithm detailing all the possible locations.

I don't have time for the nerd approach, Sam!

No offence.

None taken. Nerdishness is very in this season.

Right, I have an hour before I need to leave.

If we're gonna find these socks, we need to search from top to bottom.

Bottom! We'll check the den.

Co-ordinator Zang, what is luck?

It is a force that acts for good or bad in a being's life,

shaping situations, events or opportunities.

Some foolish beings attach luck to everyday objects.

In my opinion it doesn't even exist.

Right, so some object, like, say, this big red button,

could be either good or bad luck.

Be careful! That button controls our gyroscopic stabiliser.

So, I guess it would be pretty unlucky if I pressed it?

It would be suicidal. We would lose orbit and disintegrate.

-That would make it an unlucky button?

-No.

So, it's a lucky button?

No! Yes! No!

It's just a button! Please, come away from it.

Fine! OK, whatever!

'Warning! Atmospheric disintegration imminent!'

Prepare for vaporisation!

Let's go again, that was fun!

-We could have been vaporised!

-You were loving it!

Loving it, Co-ordinator? This is me loving something.

And this is what I was doing!

DOORBELL RINGS

-Your name Max?

-Do I look like a Max?

I dunno! It could be short for Maxine, Maximina, Maxette.

-Max is my brother.

-Well, I've got a delivery for him.

-A year's supply of dog food.

-But we don't have a dog!

My dog food's here! Yes!

Congratulations, young man! Courtesy of Barky Boy Gourmet Dog Grub.

Why do you keep doing competitions to win stuff you don't need?

You're just jealous cos the only thing you nearly won

was the World's Biggest Loser competition,

and even then you only came third!

That's gotta hurt.

Hello! Private conversation, yeah?

Just drop the dog food round the front, my good man.

Max, have you seen my socks?

Have you tried the end of your legs?

You'd better not have eaten my socks, monkey face.

Guess there's only one way to find out...

time for a nappy change.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Co-ordinator, what is a nappy?

Absorbent underwear worn by a human infant.

A human nappy is one of the most potent stenches in the universe.

Can't be worse than the armpit secretions

of the Oltraksian Arcoblat.

-Oh, yes, they can.

-Smellier than the gassiest emissions of the air-filled

tanga-tanga five?

-Considerably so.

-Smellier than...

Co-ordinator, do you intend to go through

the entire A to Z of galactic smells?

But I haven't even got to the farting fish of Floodraxias Prime.

Dani's socks have to be here somewhere.

I want to know what you're doing.

We're looking for a pair of socks?

-Right.

-And what's the one thing we know about socks?

In 18th century BC they were made from matted animal hair?

That they smell!

So I'm using my head and following my nose.

Ow!

I just fished through a full nappy for nothing.

Did you find anything down there?

Dozen dead woodlice, a piece of chewing gum...

oh, and this pirate's leg.

That's not a pirate's leg, it's the wooden leg of the table.

If you're going to be believe in socks...

you might as well believe in the tooth fairy.

Oh, yeah? If the tooth fairy isn't real,

who left all those pound coins under my pillow?

The magical pillow-dwelling money mouse.

Ah! Of course!

Look, Dani, you've got a big audition,

you're nervous, I understand,

but you can't back out just because a pair of socks go missing.

-Oh!

-No.

No! So, what you're saying is I need some new lucky charms

and then everything will be fine?

-I meant more that you have to believe you can.

-I'll be right back.

Are you still giving away novelty lucky charms with a Jolly Meal?

-Yes, Madam.

-Can you buy the lucky charms separately?

That would be against company policy as laid down by

the Happy Big Burger Corporate Chart.

If you want a lucky charm, you have to buy a Jolly Meal,

-like everyone else.

-How many lucky charms are there to collect?

15. How many more do you need to complete your collection?

15.

Oh, so that's 15 Jolly Meals is it, Madam?

I suppose I don't actually have to eat them.

Oh, yes, you do, young lady!

I'm not letting good food go to waste! Mmm, bon appetit!

Complete the sentence in no more than 15 words.

Softy Silk Handcream is the housewife's choice because...

Because, er... something, something, oranges, something.

Try again.

Because it keeps my hands as moist and supple as the day I was born.

Perfect!

Next one.

In less than 25 words

say why you deserve an all-expenses paid weekend on a working farm.

Because I know that eggs come from hens, milk comes from cows

and I want to know which animal lemonade comes from.

Try again, Ben.

Because the bright colours of the countryside make me feel so alive.

Ben, you're a natural.

How can you be so good at this and so completely unique

the rest of the time?

My parents say I've got a very unusual brain.

Look at all these amazing treasures!

The grandfather clock, sink plunger, subscription to Potato Monthly,

musical oven glove, huge vat of anti-baldness lotion.

Which is working a treat on my legs!

Looking good, Ben!

What about this? Shall we put this in the bin?

I can't imagine we'd want it.

Not want it? That's the Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair!

-Ben, you've found the ultimate competition prize!

-I have?

Built-in surround sound speakers, made from form-fitting memory foam,

dispenses liquid food from a pipe.

It even deals with your poos!

-That's my kind of chair.

-And with your help, I'm...

We're gonna win it!

DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC

-Ah ha ha!

-I'm going solo on this one, Ben.

Sorry, Max.

DRAMATIC ORGAN MUSIC

Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!

Ah ha ha ha!

Who'd have though it? There is such a thing as too much junk food.

What is that round your neck?

My new lucky charms. My lucky four-leafed clover,

my lucky horseshoe, my lucky rabbit's foot.

Not so lucky for the rabbit.

I need to test if these are actually lucky.

Oh! Here, toss a coin, heads or tails?

-See whether your good luck's back.

-Good thinking!

Those charms won't make any difference.

Tossing a coin is about averages, not luck.

-Heads or tails?

-Tails never fails.

You've got a 50/50 chance of getting it right,

luck has nothing to do with it.

-You were close!

-How close?

-Heads.

How close can you be?

Second time lucky. Heads this time.

Ow! Toby, you got my eye!

There's clearly nothing lucky about any of this rubbish.

Without my socks I'm never going to be lucky again!

SMASH!

Oh! Not for at least seven years.

BELL

I need you to fix this.

-Why? It's a lovely picture frame.

-But it's meant to be a mirror.

Oh!

Well, mirror repairs don't come cheap, Missy,

but I'll see what I can do.

Here we are, all fixed.

Ooh!

Gotcha!

Well, that's the mirror sorted then.

It's a miracle we got it finished

with you checking out your reflection.

I can't rely on you to tell me how good I'm looking.

-What happened?

-Yeah, you look really...blue!

I was so busy worrying about my missing socks

that I walked under a ladder and a bucket of paint fell on me.

I couldn't see so I tripped over a black cat,

and then a magpie flew by and spat on me.

-Maybe you were right about the socks.

-I'm a bad luck magnet.

Don't you see? You're in such a state

that you're causing all this bad luck for yourself.

You have to get ready for your audition.

I'm not going out there! What if a tin of paint falls on my head again?

You can use my umbrella.

Toby, it's sunny outside - why do you have a brolly?

The hair must be protected.

Oh, no! Opening an umbrella is really bad luck!

Oh, no!

So, this is what the humans call an umbrella?

But what can it be used for, Co-ordinator?

It is a shield to protect from harsh overhead conditions.

Rain, sunshine, falling pianos.

Humans consider it bad luck to open one indoors.

Why?

Like so much the humans do, I find it utterly baffling.

I mean, what could possibly be bad luck about doing this?

Gotcha!

One of these days, Co-ordinator!

One of these days...

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Toby, what have you done?

-It was an accident.

-You know what this means?!

Yes. Now I'm doomed too.

Great! Now they've both had it.

It's tough being the smartest person in the show.

We heard that.

Good morning. There's a face I haven't seen before.

Have you got anything to help my friend relax?

She's too tense to leave the house.

Is it a soothing mineral face pack?

It's a bucket of mud from the garden.

If she won't go outside, why not let the outside come to her?

Come on, Ben! Think! In 25 words or less, tell me why

the Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

is the ultimate video game accessory.

Because it won't give you chickenpox...probably?

Try again.

The Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

is the ultimate video game accessory cos...?

-It hardly ever collapses when you sit on it?

-What's wrong with you?

We finally find something I - WE want - and you fall to pieces.

You're putting too much pressure on me, I'm really freaking out!

Take deep breaths, let your subconscious do the thinking.

I've gone blank.

Ben, I wish I knew what went on in that brain of yours.

WIND BLOWS

I think I've got that writer's block thing.

Then we'll have to get your brain unblocked,

even if it means I have to use this!

What happened to the rest of the Dalek?

Come on, Dani, you've got to get ready for your audition.

If I leave this house I'll probably get hit by a bus.

You're being silly.

What if we stay here and a bus comes crashing through the wall?

Guys! There's as much chance of a bus crashing through that wall

as there is the sofa turning into a giant walrus and eating you.

There is?

This is ridiculous! Luck is nothing but statistics.

I'll enter the data from a coin toss into my scientific calculator.

Strange, it won't turn on.

-Maybe it needs new batteries.

-It's never done this before.

What a spot of bad luck.

You're telling me, this is my lucky calculator... I mean, er...

You have a lucky calculator?

It has sentimental value, been in my family for years.

-How many years?

-Four, but it's the calculator I've always used

when I've done really well in an exam.

So, in other words, Little Miss There's No Such Thing As Luck,

that's your lucky charm.

Don't be silly. I told you, I don't believe in luck.

What are these?

-They're nothing.

-Are these lucky gonks?

-No.

They've even got nametags... Lucky Lucille, Calm Keith.

Face it, Sam, you're every bit superstitious as we are.

OK, I admit it!

Maybe I'm slightly superstitious but I'll do anything to pass those exams,

even if it means putting my faith in lucky gonks.

So why bang on about statistics?

Cos I didn't want you missing your big audition over some silly socks.

Doesn't matter now anyway because we're all jinxed.

Great, now we're stuck on this sofa for ever.

Please don't let it be forever.

How long's it been now, dear?

67 years, dear.

Say it again, dear.

I said we've been on the sofa 67 years, dear.

That's nice, dear.

I'm 84 years old, dear.

We're all 84 years old, dear.

So am I, dear, and I've still got my own teeth.

Do you think it's safe to get off the sofa yet, dear?

Let's leave it a little while longer, dear,

there's no need to be ha-a-a-sty.

Ben, according to this largely informative book you can

banish writer's block by playing a simple game of word association.

What's that?

It's when I say a word and you say the first thing

that comes into your head.

-OK?

-OK.

-Ambulance.

-Sausages.

-Sausages?

-Ambulance.

How do you go from ambulance to sausages?

I know someone who burnt himself on a sausage

-and had to be taken to hospital.

-Who was that?

-Me.

Look, when I say something, you say the first thing you think of.

-Got it?

-Got it.

-Aeroplane.

-The first thing you think of.

No! So...

Needle. I think I'm getting it now, Max.

-Cabbages.

-Motorbikes.

-Crash helmet.

-Cucumber.

Oh!

Can we play a game, Co-ordinator Zang?

I've had enough of your games.

-Ple-e-ease!

-Which did you have in mind?

Flush Co-ordinator Zang out of the airlock

or smack Co-ordinator Zang in the face with a gremlish pie?

It's new. Surprise Co-ordinator Zang with a secret trapdoor.

HE SCREAMS

I win!

Best of three?

DOORBELL RINGS

-Don't answer it.

-It's only going to be something bad.

-Don't do it, Dani.

-What if they've found my socks?

How would they know they're your socks?

They've got my name and address written on the inside.

-Dani!

-Dani, stop!

-I have to.

You scared me half to death!

Blame your brother, he won this down the Executive Taxidermy Services.

-Enjoy yourself, darlin'.

-Excuse me!

I was talking to the bear.

How is Max winning all this stuff? Every day there are new prizes.

-How long has this been going on for?

-Last couple of weeks, at least.

-And when did you last see your lucky socks?

-About a couple of weeks ago.

You don't think...

MAX! I'm coming for you, you filthy sock thief!!

In the studio with us now is Mrs A from Leicestershire,

who is a victim of a truly socking crime.

Oh, so funny!

-Mrs A, thank you for coming.

-Thank you, Nick.

-It's Nicholas.

-Now, you have requested that we protect your identity.

-That's right.

Can you please tell us what happened to you on the evening of June 14th?

I was in my garden, feeding my giant squid, when I heard

-a strange noise from inside the house.

-Go on.

My husband, Mr A, he went inside and there was this strange man

trying on our socks.

He must have been wearing six or seven pairs simultaneously.

That must have been very distressing for you.

My husband asked him what he was doing

and he just slithered up the chimney,

still wearing our socks, and vanished.

What have you done for socks since?

I've been using bags of frozen peas!

I've got one! I've got a slogan!

Come on! Don't keep it to yourself.

-Spill the beans.

-What beans?

-Just tell me the slogan.

The Mega Five Billion Total Reality Gaming Chair

is the ultimate video game accessory because...

it gives the cyber-warrior within me a place to sit and recharge.

Bit rubbish?

It's brilliant!

Right!

You never heard of knocking?

The only knocking I'm going to be doing is knocking your block off!

What are you talking about?

You stole my lucky socks, don't try and deny it!

-What would I want with your socks?

-Dani, don't hurt him!

At least not until he's told you where they are.

-What are you talking about? What socks?

-You're wearing them!

You actually put your disgusting feet in my socks!

URGH! I'm wearing girls' socks. What are those doing on my feet?

Don't act like you don't know.

I was half asleep this morning. Mum must have put them

in my drawer by mistake. I thought they felt a bit tight.

-You stretched them!

-Not my fault you got weird little pixie feet!

Oh, give them back!

Get him, Dani, pull his feet off!

Calm down, Co-ordinator. Such violence is unbecoming

for a superior intellect such as yours.

Don't pretend you don't enjoy it.

Violence is the last resort of a desperate species.

Is that why you threw that bottle of shampoo at me the other day?

That was different, you'd been using my flannel...

..again!

Ah, your feet reek, what do you do with them?

-Nothing!

-I can tell, they smell like cheese and vinegar.

I think you ought to take a look at this.

Keep out of my stuff, hair-gel boy!

These are rejection slips from unsuccessful competition entries.

How much did it cost to enter all these competitions?

-Just his life savings.

-But it was worth it!

Look at all this cool stuff I've won.

Why would you want a vat of anti-baldness lotion?

I might go bald one day.

-But it expires in six months.

-I could go bald early.

-Really early.

All the competitions you lost.

The money you spent on stamps, you could have bought this junk.

With a few quid left over.

-Probably enough for that cool gaming chair you wanted, Max.

-Shut up, Ben!

-Will do.

-Come on, guys, let's leave Max to his treasures.

You can keep the socks, perhaps they're not so lucky after all.

They look good on you too.

I'm gonna find some way to blame you for all this, Ben.

Yeah, all right.

That's about all we have time for this week. On next week's programme,

a man who believes his socks are speaking to him.

And we find out how you can safeguard your Christmas stocking.

Good night, God bless and feet dreams.

Do you think you two are related?

The bear's head is filled with sawdust, Toby.

If anyone's related, it's you.

-Ta-da!

-Looking good, Dani.

Not as good as me, obviously, but still good.

Guys, so my socks weren't lucky but at some auditions

I've definitely felt luckier than others.

I think we're all agreed you make your own luck in life.

-There's more to it than that.

-We'd best be going,

otherwise we'll be late for our film. We only popped in to wish you luck.

-Yes?

-What did you just say?

-That we'd better go or we'll be late?

-No, the other thing.

That I'm looking good?

No, the other, other thing, about you just popping in.

-Yeah, to wish you luck.

-Don't you see?

It's you two!

-Us two?

-What was us two?

Whenever I've had a successful audition,

you two have always popped in beforehand to wish me luck!

We gave you the confidence to give good audition?

No, I'm saying you two are my lucky charms.

Glad that's all cleared up. Best be going.

You're not going anywhere. You're coming with me to the audition.

-But the film?

-Catch a later showing. Come on, move it!

Will you sign for this ton of manure your brother just won?

I trust you're going to write an exhaustive report

into the lessons we've learnt this week?

I've lost my pen.

I've lost my notepad.

-Use the computer.

-Do I have to?

Just get to work!

Oh, no! The computer's not working!

It's a state of the art inter-dimensional processor,

the most advanced computer ever constructed,

it cost zillions of galactic credits.

It's still not working.

Have you tried switching it on and off again?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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