Killer Party Dani's House

Co-Ordinator Zang!

-Couldn't you cut your toenails in your private quarters?

-Impossible!

I don't want to miss the show.

Pass me a snack.

Hmm, extra crunchy!

Hi, my name is Dani, and this is my wonderful...

-I'm Sam, her best friend!

-Oi! As I was saying...

I'm her best friend, too. Toby.

As I was saying, this is my show. Max!

-That's me! I'm her brother.

-And I'm his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name is Dani, and this is my show.

-It's not your show!

-It's my show!

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

To all of my fans out there, wherever you may be -

terrestrial or non-terrestrial -

I want to thank you for my birthday messages.

This one just arrived.

To Dani, from someone out of this world...

You sent her a gift?

A teeny space doll's outfit?!

Can't wait to see how you guys surprise me tomorrow!

Don't you think it's time we grew out of the whole birthday thing?

Hello?! You can't grow out of birthdays! They happen once a year!

PHONE BEEPS

More birthday texts! I AM popular this week!

Now I'm confused! I thought we were throwing her a surprise party.

We are - tomorrow.

So, why don't we put her out of her misery and tell her?

Then it won't be a surprise!

Good point. Maybe we should go back up.

-We don't want her to get suspicious.

-Do you think?!

-Anyway, I've got to get going.

-Me too.

I've rented a DVD for tonight!

You guys don't want to hang until midnight,

and be the first person to wish me a happy birthday,

like we do every year?

Happy birthday for tomorrow. Can I go home now?

You won't forget to talk me up to that coffee house boss,

so I can get that job?

Why do you want to work in that place?

Do you know how much they pay?

I'll be loaded!

Plus, that purple uniform will really do something for me.

It's called humiliation.

Remember the favour you're going to do me.

When your choir teacher calls, I've got to be your mum.

Tell him you are not allowing me to do an E Minor choir.

We don't want her becoming even more a geek than she already is.

Could you stop referring to me as a geek?

The accepted term is "socially challenged".

-So, how are we celebrating tomorrow? Eh? Eh? Eh?

-Ow!

Ha, ha, ha! That Toby fellow!

He totally cracks me up!

Ow!

Sorry, Dani, I've got school the next day,

so it'll have to be an early one for me.

Yeah, same here. Except I don't have school, obviously.

-Although I may have a fractured wrist.

-Maybe we could just watch TV?

OK, and maybe next year I can tweak some dates on my birth certificate,

-to synch with your social calendars!

-You'd do that?

Thanks, Dani - what a pal! Right, better get this X-rayed. See you!

After all I've done for their birthdays, don't they even care?

Max! Step away from the TV! I've got dibs.

You've watched it every night this week. My turn.

Nope, I've rented a thriller.

To see alone? You got scared watching the Wizard of Oz!

Those Munchkins ARE kind of freaky.

What have you done?

OK, it's war! And, Dani,

if you insist on watching scary films alone,

you might want to borrow one of the baby's nappies.

I am not scared of the Munchkins.

One time, I simply spilt a glass of water. That's all.

Sure, and your gorgeous boyfriend is coming around in half an hour!

Has she GOT a boyfriend?

Shut up, you're ruining it!

TELEPHONE RINGS

-Hello?

-'Have you checked the children yet?'

Children?

I don't have any children.

'Is this 498 0585?'

No...

'Sorry, wrong number.

'Don't you just hate it when that happens? Ha ha ha ha!'

BANGING ON DOOR

SHE SCREAMS

We represent the lollipop kids,

the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids!

Trick or treat! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Munchkins! Aargh!

I'm not scared.

Me, neither.

Aargh!

Aargh!

Morning! Are you OK?

Fine. Fine, I'm fine.

-Late night?

-Couldn't sleep.

DVD was a little intense.

Yeah, when I'm jumpy,

overdosing on caffeine really helps to calm me down.

-So, have you taken our calls?

-What calls?

-My choir teacher.

-The coffee house boss?

-Aren't you forgetting something?

-Oh, right. Happy birthday, and stuff.

-Oh, right, yeah. Happy birthday.

Thank you. If you want, you can give me my present now.

Umm, sorry, Dani.

What with my maths tutor and the new kid I am sponsoring in Africa,

I couldn't really afford anything.

Nothing at all?

You guys must have made me something.

A thoughtful, hand-made gift that comes from the heart?

You made it yourself? That is so sweet.

We would have done the roof, but we just ran out of time.

That's OK, it's the thought that counts, silly.

If you hadn't reminded us about your birthday, we would have forgotten.

I need the loo.

Oh, I'll go with you.

You're going to the loo with Sam?

No. Obviously. That would be weird.

Just going to keep watch.

Why did you say that for?

I can't believe it. They forgot, and they didn't even give me a present.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Hello? Oh, yes, the coffee house manager.

You want to know what I really think of Toby?

Don't you think honesty really is the best policy?

I wouldn't call Toby a liar, not to his face.

But he's never worked in a coffee house in his life.

I wouldn't hire him. Glad to help. Bye bye, now.

What do you think you're doing?

It's war.

This is what's known as a pre-emptive strike.

Yeah! Premp... Pre... Pre... What he said.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Hello?

Sam, yes, she wanted me to pretend to be her mum,

and come up with some bogus excuse,

but the truth is, Sam's mum would love her to be in the E Minors.

I'll text you her number. OK, bye-bye, now.

Snooze, you lose!

A universal remote control!

No batteries! You may have won the battle,

but you'll never win the war.

Bye-bye, now!

-Happy birthday, Dani! Here, we got you a card.

-A card!

CARD PLAYS A TUNE

Well, I don't know what to say.

So, who what was that, then? We heard the phone ringing.

-Yeah, how did it go?

-To be honest, it could have gone a little better.

Deliberately sabotaged us! Why would you do that?

I thought you forgot my birthday.

All you got me was this tacky card. It's a little disappointing.

Do you have any idea what this does to my summer?

Come on, guys. I know I may have been a teeny bit harsh,

but all I did was tell the truth.

I'm guessing the truth isn't going to make you guys feel any better...

You do not deserve that card.

You've gone too far this time, Dani.

I could kill you.

INDISTINCT SPEECH

This situation can only be solved one way.

We hypnotise Dani,

and make her believe she's a llama for the rest of her life.

OK, two ways.

We lure her with treats into the space shuttle Discovery,

then strand her on the International Space Station.

OK, three ways.

What I really need is my own personal DVD player.

See, now you're dreaming.

Let's at least deal within the realms of possibility.

OK, thanks, Mum. That's so good of you.

-Fantastic. Bye!

-Has your mum got you out of the E-Minors?

My mum got me IN the E-Minors! They're going to Paris this summer,

-and she'll pay for it.

-You've always wanted to go to Italy.

Anyway, did you manage to call the coffee house manager?

Yeah, good news. There's no way he's going to give me the job.

And that IS good news...?

Yeah, turns out it's £100 a month,

not £100 an hour, like I thought.

Looks like Dani DID do the right thing.

We'd better get on with organising her surprise party.

Great idea. Sorry, that card keeps repeating on me!

I suppose the musical card was kind of cute.

That doesn't make it OK to lie for them.

But they're my best friends. I could have really helped them out.

You're right! Why SHOULD I help them out?

All they got me for my birthday was a stupid little card.

Who was talking to you?

I suppose you're right. It was musical, and it was kinda cute.

You're a great listener, you know that?

I did a horrible thing.

I'm just lucky they're not the kind to seek revenge.

Co-Ordinator Zang!

What is revenge?

Remember how last lunar cycle I glued your antennas together,

hung you on a door and used you for a coat hanger?

Oh, fun stuff!

Well, revenge would be you performing some balancing action

to get back at me.

I see. Could be satisfying.

Wow! Wait a minute. This is the transporter beam.

-What are you doing?

-Revenge!

And guess what? It IS satisfying!

Luckily, I had my personal transporter with me.

From now on,

revenge is banned on this ship, and that is an order, Co-Ordinator Zark.

What?!

I said, come in!

Coast is clear. Do you think we've got time for a sandwich?

Did you remember to invite her friends from the theatre group?

Yes, they were in the e-mail I sent.

-What about booking a band?

-I went with the Professional Hitmen.

I should apologise. Thank them for the card.

It's the least I can do.

Whatever happens, we must act completely normal.

She mustn't suspect a thing.

-We're really going to slay her.

-Dani is totally going to die.

I'm going to die?!

So, what time are these professional hitmen arriving?

Six. I'm going to sneak them in, so she doesn't know they're here.

Are you sure they know what they're doing?

Relax, these guys are professionals, and they do it all the time.

They specialise in well-executed hits.

They bring their own equipment, and they even clean up after themselves.

Man, they're going to blow her away.

They've hired professional assassins!

All because I ruined their phone calls.

I understand if they want to get revenge, but to kill me...

Are those balloons?

No. Yes.

Maybe.

So what if they are?

Well done, Toby, nicely covered up.

-If I'm not mistaken, that's a birthday cake.

-No.

-It's a school project I'm doing.

-You don't go to school.

You're planning a surprise party for Dani!

-Who told you?

-I knew it.

Please don't ruin the surprise!

You want hush money? Fine, here's my purse, £3.60. Take it.

I don't want your money.

I want to know what you're giving Dani for her birthday.

All her friends are chipping in.

We're getting her a necklace she admired in the shopping centre.

You're not getting her a necklace.

BOTH: We are not getting her a necklace.

If you want me to keep the party secret,

you will get her a multi-regional combi TV and DVD player.

We're getting her a multi-regional combi TV and DVD player.

Or I tell her everything.

-Let's go, Ben.

-Let's go, Ben.

It's really nice of you to get Dani a TV and DVD player,

but how does that help us?

-Because it will be mine!

-But how?

Remember when you said I'd never get Dani grounded?

-What happened?

-You soaked your mum's dress in bleach,

then planted the evidence in Dani's wardrobe.

When you said it was impossible to shave off Dani's eyebrows?

You waited until she was jet-lagged, then snuck in while she slept.

Which means the lesson is?

-You're a bad brother.

-Never say never.

Ha, ha, ha!

Keep it together. Keep it together.

I know you love drama. You have an incredibly fertile imagination,

but this is crazy. Your friends love you. Everybody loves you.

There has to be a perfectly reasonable...

Do you know what, I actually think this is working.

OK, my legs have gone to sleep.

Excuse me! Meet Dani's birthday boyfriend.

He's cute! Where did you find him?

-In a skip outside the clothes store on the High Street.

-You stole him.

Relax! No-one will miss him.

It's Dani!

Oh, help! His arm's stuck!

Aargh!

Oh, sorry, wrong door! I wanted to see Max.

Dani, we're so mad with you right now.

If I were you, I would stay out of our way.

Yeah, for like, the entire day.

Fine, fine, whatever you want.

I didn't see anything. No, nothing at all. I've got to run.

I think she bought it.

How many more victims are there? I'm next. My mum is going to be annoyed

they're using her broom cupboard to store dead bodies!

OK, I'm guessing something's up.

Sam and Toby, they're planning to kill me.

You just watched the one thriller last night, correct?

I overheard them planning it. They've hired professional hitmen.

And they're storing a dead body in the broom cupboard.

You've got to help me!

You know, I never liked Sam and Toby.

They're such shady characters.

Make sure you're somewhere easy to clean when it happens.

You know how nutty Mum can be about spills on the carpet.

Blood can be so splashy.

There's going to be blood?

What did you do to turn your best friends into your worse enemies?

You're right, this is all my fault.

If only there was a way I could turn back time and fix everything...

Please, you have to fix my mistakes.

There is one thing that might help.

-Yeah?

-A time machine. You could travel back into the past.

-That way, you get a second chance to answer those phone calls.

-How much?

£100 an hour, plus travel insurance.

What's to stop me paying you, then going back in time,

fixing my mistakes, returning five minutes ago,

before I paid you any money?

Well, that doesn't sound very sporting.

And surely the nature of the time machine

-means it's impossible to charge by the hour?

-You're right.

No wonder I'm losing money! The deal's off.

Back in five minutes ago?

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Oh, it's you.

What am I going to do? I barely have two hours to live!

Look on the bright side!

There's a nice symmetry to the fact

that you're going to die on your birthday.

I know we don't see eye to eye very often. I hate you, and you hate me.

Is there a point?

It's only when you're about to lose something

that you realise what it means to you.

-I'd put my life on the line if I thought it'd help to save you.

-Wow.

I didn't expect this.

I suppose death changes people.

It's changed me. You're my reason for getting up in the morning.

The one I look to for inspiration.

Heck, you're my big sister, and no-one harms my big sister.

I am so sorry I've been so awful to you.

Is there any way I can make up ten years of bullying in two hours?

-There's no need.

-But, I want to.

-It's not necessary.

-Fine.

Although, if it would make you feel better...?

It would, it really would.

-You could give me all your birthday presents.

-All of them?

-Well, you won't be needing them.

-Good point.

Just sign here, here and here

to confirm everything you've just promised.

It's no biggie, just a legally binding contract.

Nice signature. Love the heart shape over the I.

Where are you going?

To do some online DVD shopping.

Good luck with the assassination plot.

Those hitmen may be professional,

but I'm not going down without a fight.

No-one messes with the birthday girl.

I'm not sure why you're reacting like this.

It was supposed to be a nice surprise.

Nice?! You call it nice?!

MUFFLED SPEECH

You want me to stamp on a goblin's tea kettle?

You see the pressure you've put him under?

Lighten up! You never know,

-you might have enjoyed yourself tonight.

-You're sick!

MUFFLED SPEECH

Oh, that's what you meant.

Oh! Thank you!

You're welcome.

MUFFLED SPEECH

Oh, shut up, Toby!

Hello, officer? I'm calling to report a murder.

My murder! Come immediately.

So, you admit you were planning on doing this tonight?

Yes, at six. The guests will be arriving soon.

You invited guests?

Yeah, we wanted all our friends to join in.

This is all your fault! I knew you should never have stolen that dummy.

Sorry, I didn't think we'd be in trouble with the police, did I?

The witness said she saw you putting a body in the broom cupboard.

We were trying to hide him from Dani.

To be honest, I didn't think anyone would miss him.

I picked him up off the High Street, outside a clothes store.

Oh, so you thought he was worthless, yeah?

Of no value to society?

Well, yeah. Pretty much.

For a dummy, he's not even that good-looking.

-Our witness also claims you hired hitmen.

-Yeah, do you know them?

I hope they do a good job!

Is there any way we could wrap this up quickly?

Some fine I can pay?

Are you trying to bribe an officer of the law?

THEY LAUGH

You kids had better start taking this seriously.

This is a grave charge.

-You're looking at eight to ten for attempted murder.

-Murder?!

KNOCK AT DOOR

We're the Professional Hitmen.

Excited?

Meeting us can be quite overwhelming. I know the feeling.

Here, allow me.

You're meant to be a professional hitman,

and you've just written your name on the victim.

Don't you think the crime lab are going to notice that?

This happens all the time.

We're going to have to change our name.

Dani, help!

Thank you for calling this in, miss.

In all of my years in policing,

I have never come across such a pair of sickos.

Dani, they've arrested us for attempted murder. Just tell him!

You two have been up to something.

You're trying to tell me you're innocent?

Just look in the box.

How do I know it's not poisoned?

Open the cupboard if you don't believe us.

So? Balloons don't prove anything.

-And what about the hitmen?

-They're the band!

Hey!

And, see, it's your so-called dead body.

Oh, that is so sweet.

So, you guys were planning a surprise party after all?

Keys, please, before I call my lawyer.

As this arrest is unlawful, as you don't have enough grounds

to arrest me under Section 24

of the Police and Criminal Evidence Act of 1988.

Yeah, what she said.

Oops!

I am so sorry I accused you of plotting my murder.

Will you forgive me?

These things happen.

Happy birthday, Dani. This is a present from all of our friends.

-Hey!

-Ben?

-All presents are mine, remember?

-You knew all about this, didn't you?

-He blackmailed us.

-He manipulated me.

Ben!

He treats me like a fool.

-Everything all right?

-I'm fine, really.

It's just I sympathise with the little guy.

I know exactly how he feels.

Guys, I'm so sorry about ruining your phone messages this morning.

I feel so guilty.

-There's something I need to tell you.

-Us first.

This morning, it looked like we hadn't done a thing

-for your birthday, so we forgive you.

-You do?

Everything worked out for the best.

Who knows where I'll end up after the E-Minors?

Turns out I got the pay confused.

The wage at the coffee house wouldn't keep me in hair gel.

So, what do you want to tell us?

And that, my friend,

is how you extort a DVD player from your sister's friends,

and manipulate her into submission.

Oh, it's great.

Everything OK?

Pink!

I know, I love pink! And the sparkles make it unique.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

MAX'S VOICE ECHOES

-Anyway, what did you want to tell us?

-Yeah.

Well, you see, the thing is,

I called your choir teacher and the coffee house manager earlier,

and convinced them to change their minds.

What?!

Congratulations! You're out of the E-Minors,

and you start the coffee house on Monday. Yay!

BOTH: Dani? I'm going to kill you.

Oh, that was good. I enjoyed that.

Right, what's next?

Which one's channel up?

No, I can do it.

-Oh, that's not the right button.

-Give me that!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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