Sleepover Dani's House


Sleepover

Surreal sitcom about a struggling actress, continuously left in charge of her young siblings. Sam sleeps over at Dani's, but Dani is just worried about her Grease audition.


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Transcript


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THEY LAUGH

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Ow, that's my tentacle.

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Sorry, I couldn't tell with all this mess.

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Initiate molecular purgatron.

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Do you want me to tidy up?

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-It's your turn.

-It's your mess.

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-Your tentacle scraper, eyeball cream. Slime wipes.

-Your shed skin.

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It can't be. I eat mine.

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-It's Dani's House.

-Our favourite Earthling show.

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BOTH: Let's tidy up later.

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Hi, my name's Dani and this is my wonderful... .

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I'm Sam, her best friend.

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I'm her best friend too - Toby.

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-As I was saying this is my show. Max!

-That's me, I'm her brother.

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And I'm his best friend - Ben.

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As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my show.

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THEY ARGUE

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I am not a happy bunny, I didn't get the part of Lisa Von Trapp

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in the Sound Of Music and I totally rocked that audition.

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# I am 16, going on 17... #

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They offered me the part of nun number five.

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She doesn't even get to sing.

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-I've got great news.

-Nuns one to four have been fired.

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I'll give you a clue.

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I've got chills, they are multiplying.

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You've got flu and that's good news, because...

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And I'm losing control.

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Tummy bug?

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-The power you're supplying, it's electrifying.

-Grease!

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Those are the words. The West End is looking for a new Sandy.

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Auditions start tomorrow.

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This is my favourite musical.

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-I have to get this part.

-ACHOO!

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-Bless you.

-I've got chills.

-I've already told her.

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That I've had an allergic reaction to my aunt's cats.

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How did you know I was staying there while my folks were away?

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-Lucky guess.

-He thought you'd seen this.

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Auditions for Grease. Woo-hoo!

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Well, I'm glad one of us is looking forward to tomorrow.

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I've got a chemistry re-sit, urgh.

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A re-sit, how did YOU fail an exam?

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I got the questions wrong.

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You're a total brain box.

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Got my lanthanides mixed up with my metalloids.

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I know. What an idiot.

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Fail again and I'm going to be in big trouble.

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I haven't got a cat flap's chance of passing staying at my aunt's.

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-You'll be fine.

-Top marks guaranteed.

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ACHOO!

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Where did everyone go?

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Oh, Brain's overloaded. I need progress reports, Brain.

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Revision for chemistry test is proceeding.

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We'll soon have enough data for a Grade A.

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We're running low on fuel, Captain.

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What's going on? We need more fuel.

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-There's something up, Captain.

-What is it, Ears?

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Vibrations. She's under attack.

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She's about to blow.

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ACHOO!

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So, stay here tonight.

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-A feline free zone.

-Can I? that would be...

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That's a terrible idea. Nobody studies on a sleepover.

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You'll be up all night talking about boys.

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No, we'll be up all night talking about you.

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-Really?

-Yeah. You're the one I want.

-You're the one that I want.

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Wow, this new deodorant really must send girls crazy.

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-Oh, you're teasing me.

-Yep. Mm-mm.

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# You're the one that I want... You are the one that I want

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# Ooh-ooh-ohh. Honey, the one that I want... #

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What's wrong with them?

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It's like living in Frankenstein's laboratory.

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Wa-ah!

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I touched the lightning rod, Master.

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Just call me Dani.

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Yes, Master Dani.

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Just Dani.

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Yes, Master Just Dani.

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Never mind, attach these to the temples.

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-Ready?

-Ready.

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Ay-ay-ay-ay!

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I said attach them to the girl.

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-What's a girl?

-The same as you, but with a brain.

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Oh, OK.

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-Ready?

-Yes.

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Wa-ah!

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# The one I need

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# Oh yes indeed

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# You're the one that I want... #

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Welcome to the freak show.

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-Are you sure this is OK?

-No problem.

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That's easy for you to say.

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-She's staying for a sleepover?

-More like a year over.

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I had dibs on the next sleepover invite.

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Oh, thanks for inviting Sam.

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Hey, you invited a girl, what's wrong with you?

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You can help me pick my audition song and I can help

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-you with that chemistry type stuff.

-I need to learn the periodic table.

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Or we can just do our own thing.

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So, humans don't learn things by eating knowledge sweets?

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No, they read things in a book and try to remember them.

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, all the best ones have gone.

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We've got a lot of geometry and astronomy left, though.

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Mmm... The sun is 92% hydrogen.

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A nonagon has nine sides.

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Oh, poetry, yuck.

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This time I've run out of luck.

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Good luck studying in this house -

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it's noisier than a zoo at feeding time.

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-Hey!

-BABY WAILS

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Max, feed the baby!

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See, quiet as a library.

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Not a cat in sight, so I'm sneeze free.

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-But Dani has got cats.

-Aargh! Get it away from me.

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Cats, the musical.

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-And for that you get to blow up the air bed.

-Is there a pump?

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No, you can use your big mouth.

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Can I swap JT for the periodic table?

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You are one messed up girl.

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Do it quickly before I change my mind.

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What, no make up, not even hair straighteners?

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Aren't girls supposed to bring that stuff to sleepovers,

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isn't it the law?

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I'm here to learn the periodic table

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and last I checked they didn't include lip gloss.

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Wrong. Silver. There are flakes of that in my lip gloss.

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What can I repair for you today?

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My friend was demonstrating some silver lip gloss

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and got a bit carried away.

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HE LAUGHS

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It's not funny.

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Oh, of course not, have you tried make up removal?

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Three tubs, but it brought out the shine.

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Don't worry it should wear off in a few days.

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-Oh, phew.

-Or weeks.

-Weeks!

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Well, when I say weeks, I'm talking no more than a year.

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-I can't let people see me like this.

-There must be something you can do.

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-Please, I'll do anything.

-Then this is your lucky day.

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At least you can't see the silver as much.

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I am not sharing a house with two girls, no way.

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One is bad enough.

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You must sleep over to balance the force.

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I can't do sleepovers.

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Wow, your mum is strict. You must break more stuff

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and then they can't wait to get rid of you.

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It's not Mum, it's me.

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I only like sleeping in my own bed.

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Let me guess. It's got a mattress protector.

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I don't wet the bed, it's just a precaution.

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Hey, look, we've all had a visit from Mr Soggy Pyjamas.

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Come on, sleep over, it'll be fun.

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Who's going to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?

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Well, it's not going to be me.

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Man, you strike a hard bargain.

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My audition song, what shall it be?

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Hopelessly Devoted To You or something less Greasy.

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-Every breath you take gets my vote.

-What do you say, Sam?

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You should stop using this mascara.

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There are more chemicals in this than in the periodic table.

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-It makes my eyes shine.

-That's your corneas dissolving.

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I'm throwing it away for your own good.

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Get away! There goes another lung full.

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-Do you want your eyelids to rot?

-If it means getting the part, yes.

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My air!

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I'm not sleeping on that. I have an exam tomorrow.

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I've got an audition. I need my beauty sleep.

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Aren't you going to paint it on?

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-Ooh... Miaow!

-ACHOO!

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-I'll decide who gets the bed.

-No way.

-That's not fair.

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-With the help of this coin.

-Ah!

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-Call it.

-Tails.

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How am I meant to sleep on this?

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Well, lying down and closing your eyes is traditional.

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This is going to be the best sleepover ever.

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Where's my bed?

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You won't need one, we'll stay up all night watching TV.

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You can't have a sleepover without a sleep.

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Why? You can have a walkover without a walk?

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I like sleeping. It's what I do best.

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It's boring. All you ever do is dream.

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Who needs dreams when you've got the Movie Channel?

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What are dreams?

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When humans sleep they see images.

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They can watch TV with their eyes shut? Maybe we can too.

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-See anything?

-Not yet.

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-How about now?

-Nothing.

-Zak, you can't...

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Wait a minute, I think I'm getting something.

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-Really?

-Yes, a headache.

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Screwing your eyes shut really hurts.

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# ..We go together like rama lama lama ka ding-a ding-a dong

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# Together forever like shoobop sha wadda wadda... #

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-You're pretty good at this.

-Do you think so?

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No. There's no way I'm singing this at my audition.

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Maybe something less "yippity-boom-de-boom."

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More like "lickety split vamoose."

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Take your freak show on tour. We need the TV.

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-Nice pyjamas.

-They're only for show.

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Don't even have a bed to sleep in.

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Have you got an audition? No. Have you got to pick a song? No.

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Can my sister sing? No.

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Is she wasting her time? Yes.

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Guess what's starting on TV right now.

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Star Wars - The Phantom Menace.

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We're going to watch it all, back to back.

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Back to back? Do we have to sit like that?

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-Only, er... Ohh.

-Count me in. I'll grab cucumbers

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and we can re-enact the light sabre duels.

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Hello, I don't remember seeing any singing in Star Wars.

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You're meant to be helping me Obi-Wan-Cucumber.

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Forget Star Wars, I'm talking about something much better.

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The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.

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-No, a documentary on the periodic table. ALL:

-No!

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This could help with my exam.

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And this could help with my audition.

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And none of this helps me at all.

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I'm the guest, so I should get what I want.

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TING

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Can I help, madam?

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-I demand a bigger room.

-But, madam,

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you're in the penthouse, it's the biggest.

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Then build me a bigger hotel.

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What? Now?

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I don't think that's too much to ask.

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And make sure Binky gets a proper bed.

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We already put him in a double.

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Uh! How could you be so cruel?

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Poor Icky bicky Binky, was the mean lady nasty to you?

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Yes, she was, yes, she was.

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Yes, those silk sheets he slept in

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must have been so uncomfortable. Bad Dani.

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-I need to watch this.

-I have to practise.

-My exam's important.

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If they start fighting, it'll better than any movie.

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You know, you two make terrible room mates.

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Where are you going?

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Somewhere where there's less chemistry.

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You should practise your song.

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No, you're right, you're the guest.

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-We'll watch your show first.

-OK.

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Hey! Ben's a guest too, you should do what he wants.

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Fight, fight, fight.

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There goes our date with the Death Star.

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ON TV: 'The periodic table is a tabular method

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'of displaying the chemical elements...'

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'Must stay awake.'

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Battle stations - it's an attack of boredom.

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Stay alert, people, don't let it get to you.

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Brain cell activity is falling off the chart.

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This geek can send us into a coma.

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-Muscles?

-Yes, Captain?

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Get us on our feet, we need to keep moving.

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She's not responding, Captain.

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Neck muscles giving way.

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Eyelids are closing.

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Brace yourself, people, she's nodding off.

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'..By atomic numbers...'

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You're missing the best bit.

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-Let me sleep.

-OK, you win, it's bedtime.

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Yeah...! You're missing the best bit.

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TV VOICE DRONES

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This is the worst sleepover ever.

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I could be at home now being tucked up by my mum.

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Hey, I tucked you up, didn't I?

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I think I'm starting to bruise.

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Sorry, but next time I'll know what to do.

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There won't be a next time.

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How about I make it up to you with a story?

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Thanks, Max.

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Once upon a time there was a blood-sucking vampire who would wait

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until children were asleep in their beds...

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-Stop!

-OK, I'll do the voices.

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Once upon a time there was an evil blood sucking vampire.

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-I don't like vampires.

-All right, how about zombies?

-No!

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-Headless horseman?

-No!

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How about instead of a story, we have a midnight feast?

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-But it's not midnight.

-You are one tough customer.

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Come on.

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What is a midnight feast?

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Well, twine my tentacles, I can't believe you don't know that.

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So easy anyone can figure it out.

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Midnight is a clock time and feast

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is a type of meal, so midnight feast is when humans eat a lot of clocks.

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-I thought you were getting that mended.

-Believe me I tried.

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Good evening, good afternoon, good morning.

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Look at the size of that split!

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Something heavy must have landed on this.

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I mean, we're talking humungous,

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like a whale or an oversized elephant. It was you, wasn't it?

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Can you repair it?

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No, but we do have an extensive range of beds for sale.

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Oh, you'll love this one it's so-o-o comfy.

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A bit too small perhaps.

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Maybe you prefer another inflatable.

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Have you got anything a little less round?

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BANG!

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There you go.

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Yeah, it turns out the repair man was full of hot air,

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unlike my air bed.

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I feel bad taking your bed, let's swap.

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Oh, it's OK, this rock hard floor is comfier than it looks.

0:16:190:16:23

Can I play my subliminal CD? It helps me revise.

0:16:230:16:26

That's funny, I bet some losers actually do that.

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You weren't joking, were you?

0:16:290:16:31

-No.

-When I said losers what I meant to say was...

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-Freak.

-No, no, no.

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I know I'm being weird but I'd do anything to get that periodic table

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to stick in my head.

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I really admire you for studying so hard. I wish I had your brains.

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You're overacting cos you called me a loser.

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Was it that obvious? I'm going to totally blow this audition tomorrow.

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Relax, you'll be a star as always.

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OK, you can listen to your CD.

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-I need some help getting to sleep anyway. Night.

-Night.

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-ON CD:

-'There are 170...'

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Now this, is a sleepover.

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-HIS BELLY GURGLES

-Uh oh...

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False alarm.

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BELLIES GURGLE

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-I don't feel so good.

-Me neither.

0:17:350:17:38

This is the worst sleepover ever.

0:17:380:17:41

-CD: 'Helium, Lithium...'

-Agh!

0:17:420:17:45

-Hello, wakey, wakey.

-Leave me alone, I'm sleeping.

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But I'm hungry.

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-Can you keep the noise down?

-THUMP!

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I want some food.

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I'm having that dream where I'm working behind a burger bar.

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This isn't a dream.

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-Everything looks so real.

-It is real.

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You're real, I'm real and the chicken nuggets are real.

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Every time, it's the same - the customer gets angry and I wake up.

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You're already awake, you fool!

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Mmmm...

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Ahem!

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Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

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It's OK, I should probably do my stretches as well.

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Ow, ow, ow.

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Um-cha, woo-cha, wonga, banga

0:18:340:18:38

wonga, banga, diggedy, diggedy, diggedy...

0:18:380:18:43

Have you gone completely nanas?

0:18:430:18:45

I always do this workout before an exam.

0:18:450:18:47

I call it brainercise.

0:18:470:18:49

Nimble-timble, mimble,

0:18:510:18:52

riggedy, diggedy, riggedy, diggedy.

0:18:520:18:54

I'm guessing you've never done this in front of a mirror

0:18:540:18:57

cos you look ridiculous.

0:18:570:18:59

Movements and sound have been proven

0:18:590:19:02

to stimulate different parts of the brain.

0:19:020:19:05

It increases the nitrogen monoxide which acts as a neuro transmitter.

0:19:050:19:08

What did you say?

0:19:080:19:10

You know nitrogen, atomic number seven on the periodic...

0:19:100:19:13

Agh! I'm talking geek.

0:19:130:19:16

-My revision CD - it worked. What's atomic number one?

-Hydrogen.

0:19:160:19:21

-29?

-Copper.

-40?

-Zirconium. Agh! Make it stop!

0:19:210:19:26

Why don't I know any of this?

0:19:260:19:28

Well, memory can be affected by excess cortisone. No!

0:19:280:19:31

Dani, help me revise, teach me chemistry.

0:19:310:19:34

I never thought I'd say that.

0:19:340:19:36

I need to clear my head for my audition.

0:19:360:19:38

I'm going to go and sing in the H2O, I mean, shower.

0:19:380:19:42

Where's the planetary oral-oscillator?

0:19:430:19:46

Planetary oral-oscillator? I haven't seen the poo.

0:19:460:19:49

You were the last one to use it.

0:19:490:19:52

You were on the poo for hours to your mummelpop.

0:19:520:19:55

Yes, here it is.

0:19:550:19:58

Who are you pooing?

0:19:580:19:59

My friend for a sleepover. If the humans can do it, then so can we.

0:19:590:20:05

Not Flabberguts from Gaslovia.

0:20:050:20:08

-Don't you like him?

-He smells so bad he makes my tentacles shrink.

0:20:080:20:12

-So, we'll open up a window.

-And get sucked into space.

0:20:120:20:15

All right, all right, I'm hanging up the poo.

0:20:150:20:19

Now, I know why mum doesn't let me drink lemonade at midnight.

0:20:200:20:24

Let us in! It's an emergency.

0:20:240:20:26

Max, we're not gonna be able to make it.

0:20:260:20:28

Hold tight, buddy, you can pull through.

0:20:280:20:31

DANI SINGS

0:20:310:20:33

Let us in!

0:20:370:20:39

Sorry, guys, I didn't see you there.

0:20:390:20:41

Here, get yourselves some ginger, it'll settle your stomachs.

0:20:410:20:46

Why can't Sam be my sister?

0:20:460:20:48

She's my hero.

0:20:480:20:49

'Protecting little brothers and their best friends everywhere,

0:20:500:20:54

'in the never ending struggle against good and evil,

0:20:540:20:57

'a new hero - Laser Girl.

0:20:580:21:00

'She flies alone bravely...'

0:21:000:21:04

Hey! What about me? Rubber Boy!

0:21:040:21:10

'Sorry, Rubber Boy, I didn't realise there was another hero in this movie.

0:21:100:21:15

'In the never ending struggle of good against evil two heroes will rise...'

0:21:150:21:21

How come I never get a mention?

0:21:210:21:23

Hey, you missed out Invisible Girl.

0:21:230:21:27

'Oh, this job is impossible. I quit.'

0:21:270:21:30

Oh! Oh, you scared me... Hello?!

0:21:340:21:39

Anybody there?

0:21:390:21:40

My whole life just flashed before my eyes.

0:21:400:21:43

I fail this exam, end up homeless

0:21:430:21:45

and living off pickled onions for the rest of my life.

0:21:450:21:49

-Pickled onions?

-It was the first thing I found in your cupboard.

0:21:490:21:52

Please can I stay one more night, please?

0:21:520:21:55

I see you two are still fighting.

0:21:550:21:57

No, in fact I was just about to tell Sam

0:21:570:21:59

she could stay for another night.

0:21:590:22:01

Thank you.

0:22:010:22:03

Oh, no.

0:22:030:22:05

I've spilt juice.

0:22:050:22:07

It's OK, don't worry about it.

0:22:070:22:09

Don't worry about it? I've got to live off this.

0:22:090:22:12

She's driving me mad.

0:22:150:22:17

Come on, she can't be that bad.

0:22:170:22:19

Pass me the monosaccharide. I mean, the sugar.

0:22:190:22:24

She played her revision tape.

0:22:240:22:26

-You knew about that?

-She stayed at mine before a geography exam

0:22:260:22:29

and now I can find my way around Holland with my eyes shut.

0:22:290:22:32

Can you talk to her for me - ask her to be a better room-mate?

0:22:320:22:36

You should talk to her.

0:22:360:22:37

Go-betweens always mess things up - at least I do.

0:22:370:22:41

You at the back. Yeah, you! What do you want?

0:22:420:22:46

Tell her I want a burger, fries and a vanilla shake.

0:22:460:22:48

THEY WHISPER

0:22:480:22:51

He wants a holiday in Spain and a DVD player?!

0:22:530:22:56

Hi, Sam, I've decided to make you my honorary sister.

0:23:000:23:04

-Test me.

-Kind of busy right now, Sam.

0:23:040:23:07

-Goal, test me.

-Hey, that's not fair.

0:23:070:23:09

I'll tell you what's not fair.

0:23:090:23:11

Dani learnt more of this last night than I have in two years.

0:23:110:23:14

-Now, test me.

-Wow, you have got exam fever. So what, if you fail?

0:23:140:23:19

Failure is not an option.

0:23:190:23:21

Now, Dani doesn't seem so bad.

0:23:210:23:23

-Leave him alone.

-OK, you test me.

0:23:230:23:27

-HIS BELLY GURGLES

-Oh, no, not again.

0:23:270:23:30

DANI SINGS Agh! I'm gonna kill her.

0:23:300:23:34

# Hopelessly devoted to you... #

0:23:380:23:43

Not feeling it.

0:23:430:23:45

# Hopelessly devoted to you! #

0:23:450:23:50

Better.

0:23:500:23:52

# Hopelessly... #

0:23:520:23:54

I have an exam tomorrow and you insist

0:23:550:23:57

on making this infernal racket.

0:23:570:23:58

-I'm trying to learn a song.

-I've got a periodic table to learn.

0:23:580:24:01

Yeah, well this is what I think of your stupid table.

0:24:010:24:05

At least we don't have to test her now.

0:24:070:24:09

OK, maybe that was an over reaction.

0:24:120:24:14

You two really don't make good room-mates.

0:24:140:24:17

-I'm going to fail.

-No, you're not.

0:24:170:24:20

I'll teach you the periodic table, it's easy. Are you ready?

0:24:200:24:24

# There's antinomy, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, hydrogen,

0:24:240:24:27

# and oxygen, nitrogen and iridium, and iron, americium,

0:24:270:24:30

# Ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, potassium, vanadium. #

0:24:300:24:33

Check out the brains on me.

0:24:340:24:37

Oh, we forgot to sing our planetary song today.

0:24:370:24:41

Wogglesticks, you're right.

0:24:410:24:43

# Oh, the grand old orb of Ork

0:24:430:24:46

# It has a dying sun

0:24:460:24:49

# It once was a hot and fiery place And now it'll freeze your bum

0:24:490:24:52

# When the sun's up it's up And when the sun's down it's down

0:24:520:24:55

# And when the sun is all burnt out it will create a black hole with a

0:24:550:24:59

# Strong gravitational field

0:24:590:25:01

# That'll suck in our planet and trap it there for infinity. #

0:25:010:25:04

I love that song.

0:25:040:25:06

So moving.

0:25:060:25:08

# And argon, krypton, neon

0:25:100:25:12

# Radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium

0:25:120:25:15

# Chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium. #

0:25:150:25:19

She's got it. Toby she's got it!

0:25:190:25:22

I've got it!

0:25:220:25:23

Whatever it is, you've both got it.

0:25:230:25:25

This house is really weird. Do you want to sleep over at mine tonight?

0:25:250:25:29

Thanks, but I only like sleeping in my own bed.

0:25:290:25:32

-But you made me.

-I know.

0:25:320:25:34

I'm sorry, I know get really stressy before exams.

0:25:340:25:37

I haven't been the best room-mate.

0:25:370:25:39

-You've been the best.

-Really?

0:25:390:25:42

Now I'm singing better than ever. West End here I come.

0:25:420:25:46

What are you going to sing for us?

0:25:490:25:51

-Hopelessly devoted to you.

-FEEDBACK SCREECHES

0:25:510:25:54

Great, take it away, kid.

0:25:540:25:57

# There's antinomy, arsenic, aluminium

0:25:580:26:00

-# Hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen... #

-Next!

0:26:000:26:04

Agh! Sam!

0:26:040:26:06

Another great show.

0:26:070:26:08

It totally fingled my floppeltop.

0:26:080:26:10

It's great how humans help each other, isn't it?

0:26:100:26:14

It's a primitive survival method, but it seems to work.

0:26:140:26:17

Maybe we should try helping each other.

0:26:170:26:20

So, we can understand the humans better.

0:26:200:26:23

Good idea, Coordinator Zarg,

0:26:230:26:25

now, what can we help each other with?

0:26:250:26:28

No, can't think of anything.

0:26:280:26:30

The mess - we could tidy it up together.

0:26:300:26:32

You're trying to trick me into helping you.

0:26:320:26:35

I'm trying to be human.

0:26:350:26:37

A human wouldn't leave his skin lying around.

0:26:370:26:40

-I tidied up last time.

-Did not.

-Did.

0:26:400:26:43

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

0:26:430:26:44

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

0:26:440:26:46

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did.

-Did.

-ZARG LAUGHS

0:26:460:26:48

At least you can't see the silver as much.

0:27:100:27:13

# Oh, yes indeed

0:27:150:27:18

# You're the one that I want... #

0:27:180:27:22

Toby, if you're gonna get it wrong, get it right!

0:27:270:27:30

Eurgh! Poetry. Yuck! This time I've run out of luck.

0:27:360:27:40

THEY LAUGH

0:27:410:27:42

Sam is on a sleepover at Dani's so she can revise for an important exam in peace - unfortunately this doesn't help Dani with her preparations for her Grease auditions. And with Ben on sleepover to redress the girl/boy balance, everyone is getting restless, and nobody is getting much sleep. Meanwhile, all of the action is being observed from on high by the aliens from outer space...