Sleepover Dani's House

THEY LAUGH

Ow, that's my tentacle.

Sorry, I couldn't tell with all this mess.

Initiate molecular purgatron.

Do you want me to tidy up?

-It's your turn.

-It's your mess.

-Your tentacle scraper, eyeball cream. Slime wipes.

-Your shed skin.

It can't be. I eat mine.

-It's Dani's House.

-Our favourite Earthling show.

BOTH: Let's tidy up later.

Hi, my name's Dani and this is my wonderful... .

I'm Sam, her best friend.

I'm her best friend too - Toby.

-As I was saying this is my show. Max!

-That's me, I'm her brother.

And I'm his best friend - Ben.

As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my show.

THEY ARGUE

I am not a happy bunny, I didn't get the part of Lisa Von Trapp

in the Sound Of Music and I totally rocked that audition.

# I am 16, going on 17... #

They offered me the part of nun number five.

She doesn't even get to sing.

-I've got great news.

-Nuns one to four have been fired.

I'll give you a clue.

I've got chills, they are multiplying.

You've got flu and that's good news, because...

And I'm losing control.

Tummy bug?

-The power you're supplying, it's electrifying.

-Grease!

Those are the words. The West End is looking for a new Sandy.

Auditions start tomorrow.

This is my favourite musical.

-I have to get this part.

-ACHOO!

-Bless you.

-I've got chills.

-I've already told her.

That I've had an allergic reaction to my aunt's cats.

How did you know I was staying there while my folks were away?

-Lucky guess.

-He thought you'd seen this.

Auditions for Grease. Woo-hoo!

Well, I'm glad one of us is looking forward to tomorrow.

I've got a chemistry re-sit, urgh.

A re-sit, how did YOU fail an exam?

I got the questions wrong.

You're a total brain box.

Got my lanthanides mixed up with my metalloids.

I know. What an idiot.

Fail again and I'm going to be in big trouble.

I haven't got a cat flap's chance of passing staying at my aunt's.

-You'll be fine.

-Top marks guaranteed.

ACHOO!

Where did everyone go?

Oh, Brain's overloaded. I need progress reports, Brain.

Revision for chemistry test is proceeding.

We'll soon have enough data for a Grade A.

We're running low on fuel, Captain.

What's going on? We need more fuel.

-There's something up, Captain.

-What is it, Ears?

Vibrations. She's under attack.

She's about to blow.

ACHOO!

So, stay here tonight.

-A feline free zone.

-Can I? that would be...

That's a terrible idea. Nobody studies on a sleepover.

You'll be up all night talking about boys.

No, we'll be up all night talking about you.

-Really?

-Yeah. You're the one I want.

-You're the one that I want.

Wow, this new deodorant really must send girls crazy.

-Oh, you're teasing me.

-Yep. Mm-mm.

# You're the one that I want... You are the one that I want

# Ooh-ooh-ohh. Honey, the one that I want... #

What's wrong with them?

It's like living in Frankenstein's laboratory.

Wa-ah!

I touched the lightning rod, Master.

Just call me Dani.

Yes, Master Dani.

Just Dani.

Yes, Master Just Dani.

Never mind, attach these to the temples.

-Ready?

-Ready.

Ay-ay-ay-ay!

I said attach them to the girl.

-What's a girl?

-The same as you, but with a brain.

Oh, OK.

-Ready?

-Yes.

Wa-ah!

# The one I need

# Oh yes indeed

# You're the one that I want... #

Welcome to the freak show.

-Are you sure this is OK?

-No problem.

That's easy for you to say.

-She's staying for a sleepover?

-More like a year over.

I had dibs on the next sleepover invite.

Oh, thanks for inviting Sam.

Hey, you invited a girl, what's wrong with you?

You can help me pick my audition song and I can help

-you with that chemistry type stuff.

-I need to learn the periodic table.

Or we can just do our own thing.

So, humans don't learn things by eating knowledge sweets?

No, they read things in a book and try to remember them.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, all the best ones have gone.

We've got a lot of geometry and astronomy left, though.

Mmm... The sun is 92% hydrogen.

A nonagon has nine sides.

Oh, poetry, yuck.

This time I've run out of luck.

Good luck studying in this house -

it's noisier than a zoo at feeding time.

-Hey!

-BABY WAILS

Max, feed the baby!

See, quiet as a library.

Not a cat in sight, so I'm sneeze free.

-But Dani has got cats.

-Aargh! Get it away from me.

Cats, the musical.

-And for that you get to blow up the air bed.

-Is there a pump?

No, you can use your big mouth.

Can I swap JT for the periodic table?

You are one messed up girl.

Do it quickly before I change my mind.

What, no make up, not even hair straighteners?

Aren't girls supposed to bring that stuff to sleepovers,

isn't it the law?

I'm here to learn the periodic table

and last I checked they didn't include lip gloss.

Wrong. Silver. There are flakes of that in my lip gloss.

What can I repair for you today?

My friend was demonstrating some silver lip gloss

and got a bit carried away.

HE LAUGHS

It's not funny.

Oh, of course not, have you tried make up removal?

Three tubs, but it brought out the shine.

Don't worry it should wear off in a few days.

-Oh, phew.

-Or weeks.

-Weeks!

Well, when I say weeks, I'm talking no more than a year.

-I can't let people see me like this.

-There must be something you can do.

-Please, I'll do anything.

-Then this is your lucky day.

At least you can't see the silver as much.

I am not sharing a house with two girls, no way.

One is bad enough.

You must sleep over to balance the force.

I can't do sleepovers.

Wow, your mum is strict. You must break more stuff

and then they can't wait to get rid of you.

It's not Mum, it's me.

I only like sleeping in my own bed.

Let me guess. It's got a mattress protector.

I don't wet the bed, it's just a precaution.

Hey, look, we've all had a visit from Mr Soggy Pyjamas.

Come on, sleep over, it'll be fun.

Who's going to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?

Well, it's not going to be me.

Man, you strike a hard bargain.

My audition song, what shall it be?

Hopelessly Devoted To You or something less Greasy.

-Every breath you take gets my vote.

-What do you say, Sam?

You should stop using this mascara.

There are more chemicals in this than in the periodic table.

-It makes my eyes shine.

-That's your corneas dissolving.

I'm throwing it away for your own good.

Get away! There goes another lung full.

-Do you want your eyelids to rot?

-If it means getting the part, yes.

My air!

I'm not sleeping on that. I have an exam tomorrow.

I've got an audition. I need my beauty sleep.

Aren't you going to paint it on?

-Ooh... Miaow!

-ACHOO!

-I'll decide who gets the bed.

-No way.

-That's not fair.

-With the help of this coin.

-Ah!

-Call it.

-Tails.

How am I meant to sleep on this?

Well, lying down and closing your eyes is traditional.

This is going to be the best sleepover ever.

Where's my bed?

You won't need one, we'll stay up all night watching TV.

You can't have a sleepover without a sleep.

Why? You can have a walkover without a walk?

I like sleeping. It's what I do best.

It's boring. All you ever do is dream.

Who needs dreams when you've got the Movie Channel?

What are dreams?

When humans sleep they see images.

They can watch TV with their eyes shut? Maybe we can too.

-See anything?

-Not yet.

-How about now?

-Nothing.

-Zak, you can't...

Wait a minute, I think I'm getting something.

-Really?

-Yes, a headache.

Screwing your eyes shut really hurts.

# ..We go together like rama lama lama ka ding-a ding-a dong

# Together forever like shoobop sha wadda wadda... #

-You're pretty good at this.

-Do you think so?

No. There's no way I'm singing this at my audition.

Maybe something less "yippity-boom-de-boom."

More like "lickety split vamoose."

Take your freak show on tour. We need the TV.

-Nice pyjamas.

-They're only for show.

Don't even have a bed to sleep in.

Have you got an audition? No. Have you got to pick a song? No.

Can my sister sing? No.

Is she wasting her time? Yes.

Guess what's starting on TV right now.

Star Wars - The Phantom Menace.

We're going to watch it all, back to back.

Back to back? Do we have to sit like that?

-Only, er... Ohh.

-Count me in. I'll grab cucumbers

and we can re-enact the light sabre duels.

Hello, I don't remember seeing any singing in Star Wars.

You're meant to be helping me Obi-Wan-Cucumber.

Forget Star Wars, I'm talking about something much better.

The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.

-No, a documentary on the periodic table. ALL:

-No!

This could help with my exam.

And this could help with my audition.

And none of this helps me at all.

I'm the guest, so I should get what I want.

TING

Can I help, madam?

-I demand a bigger room.

-But, madam,

you're in the penthouse, it's the biggest.

Then build me a bigger hotel.

What? Now?

I don't think that's too much to ask.

And make sure Binky gets a proper bed.

We already put him in a double.

Uh! How could you be so cruel?

Poor Icky bicky Binky, was the mean lady nasty to you?

Yes, she was, yes, she was.

Yes, those silk sheets he slept in

must have been so uncomfortable. Bad Dani.

-I need to watch this.

-I have to practise.

-My exam's important.

If they start fighting, it'll better than any movie.

You know, you two make terrible room mates.

Where are you going?

Somewhere where there's less chemistry.

You should practise your song.

No, you're right, you're the guest.

-We'll watch your show first.

-OK.

Hey! Ben's a guest too, you should do what he wants.

Fight, fight, fight.

There goes our date with the Death Star.

ON TV: 'The periodic table is a tabular method

'of displaying the chemical elements...'

'Must stay awake.'

Battle stations - it's an attack of boredom.

Stay alert, people, don't let it get to you.

Brain cell activity is falling off the chart.

This geek can send us into a coma.

-Muscles?

-Yes, Captain?

Get us on our feet, we need to keep moving.

She's not responding, Captain.

Neck muscles giving way.

Eyelids are closing.

Brace yourself, people, she's nodding off.

'..By atomic numbers...'

You're missing the best bit.

-Let me sleep.

-OK, you win, it's bedtime.

Yeah...! You're missing the best bit.

TV VOICE DRONES

This is the worst sleepover ever.

I could be at home now being tucked up by my mum.

Hey, I tucked you up, didn't I?

I think I'm starting to bruise.

Sorry, but next time I'll know what to do.

There won't be a next time.

How about I make it up to you with a story?

Thanks, Max.

Once upon a time there was a blood-sucking vampire who would wait

until children were asleep in their beds...

-Stop!

-OK, I'll do the voices.

Once upon a time there was an evil blood sucking vampire.

-I don't like vampires.

-All right, how about zombies?

-No!

-Headless horseman?

-No!

How about instead of a story, we have a midnight feast?

-But it's not midnight.

-You are one tough customer.

Come on.

What is a midnight feast?

Well, twine my tentacles, I can't believe you don't know that.

So easy anyone can figure it out.

Midnight is a clock time and feast

is a type of meal, so midnight feast is when humans eat a lot of clocks.

-I thought you were getting that mended.

-Believe me I tried.

Good evening, good afternoon, good morning.

Look at the size of that split!

Something heavy must have landed on this.

I mean, we're talking humungous,

like a whale or an oversized elephant. It was you, wasn't it?

Can you repair it?

No, but we do have an extensive range of beds for sale.

Oh, you'll love this one it's so-o-o comfy.

A bit too small perhaps.

Maybe you prefer another inflatable.

Have you got anything a little less round?

BANG!

There you go.

Yeah, it turns out the repair man was full of hot air,

unlike my air bed.

I feel bad taking your bed, let's swap.

Oh, it's OK, this rock hard floor is comfier than it looks.

Can I play my subliminal CD? It helps me revise.

That's funny, I bet some losers actually do that.

You weren't joking, were you?

-No.

-When I said losers what I meant to say was...

-Freak.

-No, no, no.

I know I'm being weird but I'd do anything to get that periodic table

to stick in my head.

I really admire you for studying so hard. I wish I had your brains.

You're overacting cos you called me a loser.

Was it that obvious? I'm going to totally blow this audition tomorrow.

Relax, you'll be a star as always.

OK, you can listen to your CD.

-I need some help getting to sleep anyway. Night.

-Night.

-ON CD:

-'There are 170...'

Now this, is a sleepover.

-HIS BELLY GURGLES

-Uh oh...

False alarm.

BELLIES GURGLE

-I don't feel so good.

-Me neither.

This is the worst sleepover ever.

-CD: 'Helium, Lithium...'

-Agh!

-Hello, wakey, wakey.

-Leave me alone, I'm sleeping.

But I'm hungry.

-Can you keep the noise down?

-THUMP!

I want some food.

I'm having that dream where I'm working behind a burger bar.

This isn't a dream.

-Everything looks so real.

-It is real.

You're real, I'm real and the chicken nuggets are real.

Every time, it's the same - the customer gets angry and I wake up.

You're already awake, you fool!

Mmmm...

Ahem!

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

It's OK, I should probably do my stretches as well.

Ow, ow, ow.

Um-cha, woo-cha, wonga, banga

wonga, banga, diggedy, diggedy, diggedy...

Have you gone completely nanas?

I always do this workout before an exam.

I call it brainercise.

Nimble-timble, mimble,

riggedy, diggedy, riggedy, diggedy.

I'm guessing you've never done this in front of a mirror

cos you look ridiculous.

Movements and sound have been proven

to stimulate different parts of the brain.

It increases the nitrogen monoxide which acts as a neuro transmitter.

What did you say?

You know nitrogen, atomic number seven on the periodic...

Agh! I'm talking geek.

-My revision CD - it worked. What's atomic number one?

-Hydrogen.

-29?

-Copper.

-40?

-Zirconium. Agh! Make it stop!

Why don't I know any of this?

Well, memory can be affected by excess cortisone. No!

Dani, help me revise, teach me chemistry.

I never thought I'd say that.

I need to clear my head for my audition.

I'm going to go and sing in the H2O, I mean, shower.

Where's the planetary oral-oscillator?

Planetary oral-oscillator? I haven't seen the poo.

You were the last one to use it.

You were on the poo for hours to your mummelpop.

Yes, here it is.

Who are you pooing?

My friend for a sleepover. If the humans can do it, then so can we.

Not Flabberguts from Gaslovia.

-Don't you like him?

-He smells so bad he makes my tentacles shrink.

-So, we'll open up a window.

-And get sucked into space.

All right, all right, I'm hanging up the poo.

Now, I know why mum doesn't let me drink lemonade at midnight.

Let us in! It's an emergency.

Max, we're not gonna be able to make it.

Hold tight, buddy, you can pull through.

DANI SINGS

Let us in!

Sorry, guys, I didn't see you there.

Here, get yourselves some ginger, it'll settle your stomachs.

Why can't Sam be my sister?

She's my hero.

'Protecting little brothers and their best friends everywhere,

'in the never ending struggle against good and evil,

'a new hero - Laser Girl.

'She flies alone bravely...'

Hey! What about me? Rubber Boy!

'Sorry, Rubber Boy, I didn't realise there was another hero in this movie.

'In the never ending struggle of good against evil two heroes will rise...'

How come I never get a mention?

Hey, you missed out Invisible Girl.

'Oh, this job is impossible. I quit.'

Oh! Oh, you scared me... Hello?!

Anybody there?

My whole life just flashed before my eyes.

I fail this exam, end up homeless

and living off pickled onions for the rest of my life.

-Pickled onions?

-It was the first thing I found in your cupboard.

Please can I stay one more night, please?

I see you two are still fighting.

No, in fact I was just about to tell Sam

she could stay for another night.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

I've spilt juice.

It's OK, don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it? I've got to live off this.

She's driving me mad.

Come on, she can't be that bad.

Pass me the monosaccharide. I mean, the sugar.

She played her revision tape.

-You knew about that?

-She stayed at mine before a geography exam

and now I can find my way around Holland with my eyes shut.

Can you talk to her for me - ask her to be a better room-mate?

You should talk to her.

Go-betweens always mess things up - at least I do.

You at the back. Yeah, you! What do you want?

Tell her I want a burger, fries and a vanilla shake.

THEY WHISPER

He wants a holiday in Spain and a DVD player?!

Hi, Sam, I've decided to make you my honorary sister.

-Test me.

-Kind of busy right now, Sam.

-Goal, test me.

-Hey, that's not fair.

I'll tell you what's not fair.

Dani learnt more of this last night than I have in two years.

-Now, test me.

-Wow, you have got exam fever. So what, if you fail?

Failure is not an option.

Now, Dani doesn't seem so bad.

-Leave him alone.

-OK, you test me.

-HIS BELLY GURGLES

-Oh, no, not again.

DANI SINGS Agh! I'm gonna kill her.

# Hopelessly devoted to you... #

Not feeling it.

# Hopelessly devoted to you! #

Better.

# Hopelessly... #

I have an exam tomorrow and you insist

on making this infernal racket.

-I'm trying to learn a song.

-I've got a periodic table to learn.

Yeah, well this is what I think of your stupid table.

At least we don't have to test her now.

OK, maybe that was an over reaction.

You two really don't make good room-mates.

-I'm going to fail.

-No, you're not.

I'll teach you the periodic table, it's easy. Are you ready?

# There's antinomy, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, hydrogen,

# and oxygen, nitrogen and iridium, and iron, americium,

# Ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, potassium, vanadium. #

Check out the brains on me.

Oh, we forgot to sing our planetary song today.

Wogglesticks, you're right.

# Oh, the grand old orb of Ork

# It has a dying sun

# It once was a hot and fiery place And now it'll freeze your bum

# When the sun's up it's up And when the sun's down it's down

# And when the sun is all burnt out it will create a black hole with a

# Strong gravitational field

# That'll suck in our planet and trap it there for infinity. #

I love that song.

So moving.

# And argon, krypton, neon

# Radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium

# Chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium. #

She's got it. Toby she's got it!

I've got it!

Whatever it is, you've both got it.

This house is really weird. Do you want to sleep over at mine tonight?

Thanks, but I only like sleeping in my own bed.

-But you made me.

-I know.

I'm sorry, I know get really stressy before exams.

I haven't been the best room-mate.

-You've been the best.

-Really?

Now I'm singing better than ever. West End here I come.

What are you going to sing for us?

-Hopelessly devoted to you.

-FEEDBACK SCREECHES

Great, take it away, kid.

# There's antinomy, arsenic, aluminium

-# Hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen... #

-Next!

Agh! Sam!

Another great show.

It totally fingled my floppeltop.

It's great how humans help each other, isn't it?

It's a primitive survival method, but it seems to work.

Maybe we should try helping each other.

So, we can understand the humans better.

Good idea, Coordinator Zarg,

now, what can we help each other with?

No, can't think of anything.

The mess - we could tidy it up together.

You're trying to trick me into helping you.

I'm trying to be human.

A human wouldn't leave his skin lying around.

-I tidied up last time.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did not.

-Did.

-Did.

-Did.

-ZARG LAUGHS

At least you can't see the silver as much.

# Oh, yes indeed

# You're the one that I want... #

Toby, if you're gonna get it wrong, get it right!

Eurgh! Poetry. Yuck! This time I've run out of luck.

THEY LAUGH