Amnesia Dani's House

Hurry up, Zarg! Our favourite broadcast is starting.

I'm still calibrating the atomic hyperspace graviton revisualiser,

Co-ordinator Zak.

No.

No.

Ooh, ooh, left a bit.

That's got it.

Now, don't move a muscle.

Hi, My name's Dani, and this is my wonderful...

-I'm Sam, her best friend.

-Oi! As I was saying...

I'm her best friend, too. Toby.

-As I was saying, this is my show... Max!

-That's me, I'm her brother.

-Get out of it.

-And I'm his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this is my show.

It's not your show!

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Hi, I was just practising.

Toby and I are going to the Utterly Go Dancing heats this afternoon.

Which is also why I'm dressed like a total plum.

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Meanwhile, that racket is my brother.

And he's just pushed me to the limit.

# Yeah, yeah, yeah... #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. #

MUSIC TURNS OFF

-Oi!

-# Yes, yes, yes, yes! #

We were listening to that.

So was the rest of the universe.

# Yes, yes! #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah! #

I'm bored of hearing the same song, over and over, yeah?

-# Yes, yes, yes, yes! #

-Not now, Ben.

I've asked you to turn down the music over 40 times in the last three days.

I wondered what that annoying, whiney sound was.

Hey, give me back my CD, you!

Do you mind? The code's private.

BEEPING

Since when did you have a safe?

Since the sixth time I caught you reading my diary.

If you kept a blog, like normal people,

I wouldn't have to look for it.

Write a blog, and have you hack into it?

-Er, I think not.

-I'm getting that CD back, Dani.

Good luck. That safe is water-proof, dust-proof,

fire-proof, germ-proof and little brother-proof.

-Is it monkey-proof?

-Indestructible, secure.

You're not getting inside. Now get out of my room.

DOORBELL RINGS

Little brother-proof?

That sounded like a challenge to me.

ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS

BOTH: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-I don't even know why we're here.

-Out! Now!

Ole!

-Why, what's up, Sam?

-He's been dancing the whole way here.

All the way down the street.

I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

I can't help it. I've got the music in me.

Too bad you don't have a sense of shame, too.

Oh, Dani, I've got a new routine.

-I thought we could practise it before we leave.

-Call me square...

-Square!

-Why would anyone want to draw attention to themselves

by entering a dancing competition?

Because it's fun. You can switch off and let your soul take control.

I'm not letting anything I can't see take control over me, thank you!

What are you worried about? You couldn't look any more silly.

Dressed like that, should you really be lecturing me on looking silly?

SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC

Fascinating. I've never heard of this 'dancing'.

Everyone knows about dancing.

It's a rhythmic movement of the human body,

done in sequence with music.

It's fun. Check it out.

So, like this?

Not quite. You've got to loosen up a bit. You've got to...

What's that crawling on your shoulder?

Agh! Get it off, get it off!

Now you're dancing!

SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC

Oh, I'm sorry! Really, really sorry.

Can't we just stick to the routine as originally planned?

It's simple. Here are the steps.

Who came up with this dance, Albert Einstein?

Just try it.

That's it.

Step, step, step, twirl.

Agh!

-CRASH!

-Dani, are you OK?

I'm...

-I'm perfectly pancakes.

-Dani...

(ECHOING) Hello?

Is anybody there? Where am I?

-Hey! How's it going?

-Who are you?

I'm the giant imaginary rabbit that lives in your head.

-And who am I?

-I don't know.

Why can't I remember who I am?

This what you're looking for?

-Those are my memories! I need them back.

-Ooh, come and get 'em.

-Get back here.

-I'm not a hare, I'm a rabbit. Ha ha!

If you want your memories back, you'll have to find them.

I won't stand for it, Ben. Taking my CD is nothing but common theft.

We have but one option.

Cry like babies?

Break into that safe and steal everything of hers that's in it.

But you heard Dani. That safe is monkey-proof.

I'm the Maxmeister.

There isn't a safe, strong box or vault on this planet

that can keep me out.

Now where did I put that industrial chainsaw?

Mum and dad better not have hidden it again.

Are you OK?

Can you hear us?

What happened?

We were dancing, and you took a little tumble.

-How many fingers am I holding up?

-Why? Can't you count?

-I want to check for concussion.

-You don't look like a doctor.

That's not a nurse's uniform.

Dani, it's me, Sam? Samantha?

And I'm Toby? The Tobster, Captain Cool Pants.

Captain Cool Pants?

Toby, it's only you who uses that name.

Me, and my many fans.

Give me your bag.

Help me, somebody help me! I'm being robbed!

Have no fear, Captain Cool Pants is here.

Stay back, Captain Cool Pants. Don't come any closer.

OK, I won't come any closer. Looking good today.

Aren't you gonna help me? Use your superpowers or something.

I am using my super powers.

This is what I do. I pose.

I am a super poser.

-You said it.

-You're the worst superhero ever!

No, Captain Ice Cream is the worst superhero ever.

He melts on hot days.

I've never seen you two before in my life. Keep back!

-I want to go home.

-But this is your house, Dani.

Why do you keep calling me Dani? I'm not a boy.

Or at least I don't think I am.

OK, now I feel really weird.

This is proper serious.

Dani, you've got amnesia.

You've had a knock to the head, and temporarily lost your memory.

OK. But why are you talking to me like I'm an idiot?

I need to go find my memory.

BELL DINGS

Good morning, good evening. What can I get you?

-I've lost my memory.

-When did you last have it?

-I don't remember.

Luckily for you, we stock a range of ready-made memories.

-Were you interested in happy or sad ones?

-Both, I guess.

How can you appreciate the good if not for the bad?

Now, just to enter a few details into my computer...

-Thank you. Name?

-Dani.

Er... Age? Let's say, late teens.

Happy and sad, hit enter.

Voila! Lifetime memories.

Oh, here's a good one.

Remember going strawberry picking with your parents?

No, but it sounds like a happy memory.

Strawberries got sprayed with pesticide.

You got terribly poisoned. And your hair fell out.

-What else?

-Ooh, remember that dream cruise around the Bahamas?

No, but it sounds great.

You hit an iceberg, got shipwrecked and had to eat the captain.

-He really didn't taste that nice.

-Are there any happy memories?

Let's see.

Your parents won a tenner in the lottery last month.

The dog ate the ticket.

What's the last thing you remember?

Waking up with two complete strangers peering at me.

What the heck am I wearing?

And who are you?

Right. I'm phoning for an ambulance.

Humans are so careless.

They should back up their memories onto CD like we do.

Co-ordinator, how many times must I tell you?

That is not a disc containing your memories.

It's a Kylie Minogue album.

You mean, I haven't had over 30 international Top 40 hits?

DOOR CREAKS

The coast is clear.

I'm fine. I'm all right.

We need to approach this delicately.

Safe cracking involves a steady hand and patience.

Take your pick.

Mmm... That one.

Let's go to work.

-Is that meant to happen?

-Course it isn't!

Well, I don't know. I've never played tennis.

The name's Bond,

Toby Bond.

Licence to gel.

Looking good, 0017.

DOOR OPENS

What did the hospital say?

Checked her over, no permanent damage.

But she does have concussion, which has left her brain a bit scrambled.

-At least it wasn't poached or fried.

-We need to keep a close eye on Dani.

With plenty of rest and our help, she should be normal by morning.

Dancing's a form of rest, right?

Please, Dani, tell me you remember the steps to our dance?

-What dance?

-Our dance, to the Utterly Go Dancing regional heats?

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not dancing.

We need to remind Dani who she is.

It may reboot her brain, bring her memories back.

No-one's booting me in the brain.

-Whah!

-Toby!

What are you doing?

I thought a scare might stop your amnesia.

That's hiccups, you fish head.

We need to remind you of your favourite things.

-Favourite tastes, sounds, smells.

-What have I got to lose?

Your memory of the last few minutes?

Gross.

Garbage.

Grotty.

Maybe your senses got scrambled, too.

Long story, but I need to find out what I usually eat.

You look like a healthy sort of person.

-Maybe try our health food menu?

-What have you got?

Try our delicious plankton shake. Fresh from the ocean.

Isn't plankton what whales eat?

And look how big and strong they grow up to be!

Ugh! Tastes like sea water.

Yeah, it's mostly sea water. Plankton doesn't taste of much.

Amnesia or not, I'd remember drinking that.

How about what one of our healthy burgers? They're full of iron.

-You've got to be kidding me.

-Fine.

If you won't have it, I will.

CLANG!

Mmm, delicious!

We'll have to try something different.

-We could throw it out of the window.

-I've just had a great idea.

We'll throw it out the window!

Wicked!

You get that side.

RIP!

What was that?

My trousers.

I hope.

It's hopeless. Nothing's bringing my memory back.

Guys, what sort of person am I?

You've got straight brown hair, brown eyes.

I can see that.

-You're funny, talented, loyal and smart.

-You really like dancing.

Is winning that dancing competition all you want me back for?

I just want my friend back.

My friend, who just happened to be really looking forward

to that dancing competition.

Look, I know you're in there somewhere, Dani.

Please come back to us. We miss you.

Aaagh!

What do you miss most about our home planet, Co-ordinator?

Oh, many things.

The smell of a freshly baked crag-nut loaf.

The security and comfort of a warm sleep pod.

The way the blue sun rises over the Valley of Golden Serenity.

So very beautiful.

And what do you miss, Co-ordinator?

Proper bog roll.

The stuff we have on this ship is like sand paper.

Why has this happened? Oh, mercy me!

Toby, get up.

Yeah, sorry, not cool.

I'm gonna remember just as much as you want me to remember, OK?

Maybe if you really tried...force the memory out?

I don't know about that.

It's worth a go.

BURPS

Ooh, somebody's got windy pops.

Look, I think you're trying too hard.

I'm gonna count backwards from five.

Your mind will travel back to a point before the accident.

Five, four, three, two, one. You are an early version of yourself.

Tell me, Dani, where are you?

-I'm with my friends, in a shed.

-Can you describe your friends to me?

They're covered in feathers.

Baagh, ba-ba-ba! Baagh, ba-ba-ba!

-Dani, what are you doing?

-Laying an egg.

-Ba-ba-ba!

-It seems you've travelled back too far.

In a previous life you were, in fact, a hen. OK, OK.

Three, two, one, you're awake.

-That was weird.

-You're telling me.

-Still no memories?

-None that I want to remember. Sorry, Sam. Sorry, Tony.

-Toby.

-Toby.

OK, Dani, we're willing to make you a deal.

-Who are they?

-Yeah, very funny.

But I, I don't know who you are.

Dani's had an accident. She's got amnesia.

-Amnesia!

-Seriously, who is this?

I'm your brother. More than that, we're best friends, soul mates.

-What?

-Don't listen to him, Dani.

Don't listen to them.

They always try to turn you against me.

You lying little rodent!

Max, what are you doing?

She'll believe anything we tell her.

Imagine it, a big sister who was with us, instead of against us?

I'm trying to imagine it, but I'm getting static.

Dani, don't believe anything Max says. We're your best friends.

No. You came to cause trouble.

-He's the one that causes trouble.

-Everyone shut it!

You're all gonna have to present your sides.

-I'm sorry, who are you?

-Oh, that's Ben.

I'm not important.

Co-ordinator, why do humans lie?

For all manner of reasons.

Not all of them bad. Some are called white lies.

White lies?

For instance, if I were to ask you how I was looking, you,

in order to spare my feelings, might say I looked fine.

So, I wouldn't draw attention to your big, flappy ears?

-I don't have big ears.

-No, no.

-Of course you don't.

-I don't.

Nope, nothing wrong with your ears, Co-ordinator. Your ears are fine.

-So, I do have big ears?

-I swear, your ears

are absolutely perfect in size.

-You're not lying to spare my feelings?

-Nope.

You have got a big, stinky butt, though.

You and I were in nursery together.

I took you to the teacher when you fell off the slide.

We decided that we'd be best friends forever.

It was only years later till we met Toby.

And we all hit it off straight away.

-The End.

-No, we didn't.

-What are you doing?

-We're gonna have to be completely honest.

I'm not going to sink to his level.

All right.

At first you thought I was a... a total idiot.

Dani, what are you going to be when you grow up?

-I'm going to be a famous actress.

-I'm going to be a particle fizzle-ist.

Out the way, smellies.

Hey, we were here first!

Boys always go first, that's the law.

-One chocolate milk for boys, please, mate?

-That's not fair.

He's not better than us.

I'll show him who's better.

Oi, pooey bum!

Oi, what are you doing!?

Hey, that feels good.

That is good!

Wow, I look like a rock star.

Can I buy you lunch?

So, we became friends because I put mayonnaise in your hair?

And from then on we were best friends. Stuck like glue.

-Thicker than thieves.

-As close as close can be.

-Bonded like protein molecules.

-Whatever that means.

Do you remember the day at the seaside?

Boy, when we went on that rollercoaster,

after eating all that candy floss?

And you threw up on that old man?

Yeah. I was thinking about the rest of the day.

About what a laugh we had?

-Oh, right. It was great.

-It was perfect. Apart from the vomiting.

Oh! It was perfect, Dani!

Are you really gonna believe all that sentimental rubbish?

Of course I don't need to tell you how we met.

-But I can tell you about how we grew so close.

-Give me strength.

It was a few years ago that we were kidnapped

by evil circus clowns and made to...

How's the porridge?

Tastes like wallpaper paste.

I think it is wallpaper paste.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Do you know how long it takes to polish a size 25 shoe?

Don't worry, Dani. I'll get us out of here.

Thanks. You're the best brother a girl could have.

I know, Dani, I know.

Just let me do the talking.

I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

-You mean too much to me.

-Oi, stop yapping, you two!

Yeah? or what?

Or... This!! Ha-ha-ha!

Well, that told us.

Bring me those red noses.

-What do you think?

-You look absolutely ridiculous.

Really? Do you think so?

-Take this!

-Agh!

Run, Dani, run!

And after that, there was that whole thing with the giant squid.

And psychic monks. Yeah, we had some major adventures together.

-Sounds amazing.

-All I want is for my dear sister to be whole again.

Not like these two, who'll knock you unconscious.

Dani, he's just fed you a whole...

-I'll be the judge of that, Pam.

-Sam.

Sam. Look, I realise what Max says sounds a bit far-fetched.

-But it's so crazy it has to be true.

-What, you can't...believe him?

-He is my brother.

-Blood's thicker than cherryade.

Dani, we're your best friends.

And we're going to the dance heats in an hour.

-We've been practising for weeks?

-I don't remember any of it!

Looks like she's made up her mind.

Come on, Dani, let's go break into your safe.

Why are we breaking into my safe?

Because all your most private things are in there.

-And if they don't jog your memory, nothing will.

-Good thinking.

I've no idea what's going on.

If I lost my memory, I think I'd create

a whole new identity for myself.

-Start afresh.

-It's a fascinating idea. Yes, to start again.

To be someone completely new.

A man of mystery and secrets.

And what would your new name be?

Kevin.

OK, how are we gonna do this?

Well, we've tried cricket bats, baseball bats, crowbars.

I was hoping you'd help us find the combination.

-Maybe you wrote it down somewhere?

-It's possible.

I'll look in the wardrobe. You look in the drawers.

Dani, you check under the bed.

-Got it.

-When we get that safe open,

and your memories come back, we are going to have so much fun.

Can't wait! I think.

Hey, this is fun!

-Oi!

-Sorry.

Think, Sam, think.

-Maybe you could dance with me?

-I don't do dancing.

-I could give you a crash course.

-I've seen you dance. Crash is right.

It was an accident.

We've got important things to worry about.

Like Dani being lured away by her brother.

If Dani had memories, she'd know what do to.

Maybe I could find an elephant.

-How will an elephant help?

-I could teach it to dance.

They have photographic memories.

Toby, that's it. You're a genius!

I know I'm a genius. Why am I a genius?

I've got photos in my organiser.

-And?

-Well, they're photos of me, you and Dani.

Why don't you keep your photos in your phone, like normal people?

Oh, of course, that's what normal people do.

Look, we can use these to prove to Dani

that we're her best friends, not Max.

You're right, I am a genius. Oh, don't show her that one.

My hair looks a right mess in it.

Let's go!

Can't find the combination to the safe written down anywhere.

I've wasted enough time on this safe already.

Hang on, how come you were trying to get into the safe

before you even knew I had lost my memory?

Erm, that's a very good question. And the answer is...

-Photos, we have photos.

-Oh, don't look at my hair in the last one.

I've got messy hair. I said, don't look at it.

These look at all familiar?

You could have mocked these up on a computer, for all I know.

-Erm, yeah, they'd go to any lengths to lie to you, Dani.

-Shut up, Max! That felt good.

-Try something else.

Max, you weaselly, slimy, worm.

Hey, these just roll off the tongue.

You suck, you sucky, stinky, nasty little rat.

Oh, this is fun! It feels right.

-Just keep looking at the photos, they may help some more.

-Anything?

-Anything at all?

-Even a hint of remembering?

-Yes.

-Yes?

The combination to the safe.

It's the same numbers as the date on this photo.

-That was when we went to the coast.

-And you threw up on that old man.

-I remember.

-I wish that memory would stay forgotten.

It was your finest moment.

Ah, Dani, you must have chosen those numbers

-because it was such a special day.

-Er, a little privacy, please?

There it all is! My diary, my photo album

and my certificate for the 100 metre backstroke.

This is who I am, all my memories.

I'm sorry for doubting you.

And I'm sorry for...knocking you unconscious.

-Ha, my CD!

-Ah!

Come on, Ben.

Let's go. All this emotion is making my skin crawl.

Right, Dani, you've got about 12 seconds to get ready for the dance.

-Do I really have to go dressed like this?

-Yes.

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Ugh, I can't believe I thought he was my friend.

That's the worst taste in music ever!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

-Yes, yes, yes...!

-Ben, I've turned it off.

-Oh, right. What's wrong?

-I'm over it.

Dani, hurry up. Gonna be late.

OK. ..get my hair ready.

Ole!

-Sure you're ready?

-Ready.

-Remember the moves?

-Does this answer your question?

-You're still getting them wrong.

-So you must be better.

-And you're sure you feel OK?

-No dizziness or nausea?

-I feel fine, I promise.

Don't make any sudden movements.

Great advice for someone entering a dance competition.

-Come on, let's go. Wha! Dani!

-Dani!

Just kidding.

Ah, another episode finished.

What would we do without it?

Now what are we going to do with our day?

We have work to do, Co-ordinator. Reports to write,

experiments to conduct, maintenance tasks to carry out.

When you say maintenance tasks,

you want me to scrub the dead skin off your feet again?

As the commander of this mission, my feet must be in prime condition.

Better for dancing.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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