Browse content similar to Sport Relief Special - Marathon Man. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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-Good morning! -'I'm not talking to you.' -You just did, didn't you? | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
'No. I'm using...' VOICE SPEEDS UP: 'I'm using...' | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
'a neural telepathic interface.' | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
-Same difference. -'There's been a serious breach of on-board protocol. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:16 | |
-'I'm referring it to high authority.' -What are you talking... Sorry. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
-..interfacing about? -'You ate the last crystalberry jam!' | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
-Yeah, so? -I was saving it! -You'll have to get up earlier, won't you? | 0:00:23 | 0:00:29 | |
-Lazybones. -You don't even like crystalberry jam. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
-I fancied a change! -So you are without remorse? | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
-Pretty much, yeah. -So be it. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
-What is it? -HE MUNCHES | 0:00:38 | 0:00:40 | |
-SHE GASPS -No! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
Not my fish-spring chutney imported from Garrigonnum 5? | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
-You absolutely loathe it! -Now we're even. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
I suppose the next supply ship won't arrive for months. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
No. It's arriving just after Dani's House. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
Hi, my name's Dani. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
-And this is my fantastic new... -Best friend Jack! | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
Yeah, but... Oh, where was I? | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Your name's Dani, and I'm your best friend too, Sam. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
As I was saying, this is my fantastic new... Max! | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
I'm her brother, and actually, it's... Ben? | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
What? Oh! It's our show... | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Can you just zip it?! | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my fantastic new... | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
-THEY ALL SHOUT -I give up! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
THEY ARGUE | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Owwwwwwwww! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
If I could bend that way, I'd be making good money in the circus. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:36 | |
I'm doing a video to go with my latest song. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
It's got a tricky dance routine, so I'm trying to get into shape. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
-Pretzel-shaped, more like! -Right! | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
Stork position. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
-Leg goes there... -Right. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
-Arms raised... -JACK: I can't see! | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
-Find your balance... -I think I left it in my other jeans. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
-Dani, you're doing it! -Hey, look at me, I'm doing it! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
-Just hop to your left... -Do you mind? | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
I'm teaching Dani to be more flexible. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
OK. Well, how about she does her yoga after my programme? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
-I want to achieve something. -If it's looking a dilly, you have! | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
Ignore him. He has no conception of fitness. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
Actually, I'm totally fit. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
My body is a well-honed machine. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
A machine for eating crisps and yawning, more like. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
-When did you last do a workout? -I don't need to. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
-I'm a natural athlete. -So...never? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:24 | |
Ha ha! I could run a marathon tomorrow if I felt like it. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
Yeah, right! I've seen you rest on the way to the fridge. Marathon? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:31 | |
You couldn't even do a fun run. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
Fun? And running? Doesn't really seem right. | 0:02:33 | 0:02:36 | |
Not for you. The only time you break a sweat is after a vindaloo pizza. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
Vindaloo...! Mmmmm! | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
I mean...rubbish! I could do a fun run any day. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
-Just your luck then. -Really? | 0:02:47 | 0:02:49 | |
There's one next week. 10 kilometres for Sport Relief. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
10k? Is that all? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
-That's over six miles. -Pffft! Piece of cake. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
-I mean...nutritious energy bar. -All right then. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
Let me be the first to sponsor you. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Put me down a pound for every kilometre. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
-What? -Me too. Make that two quid. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:07 | |
-Five quid. -Ten. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Ten quid a kilometre? Both of you? | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
Don't think I'll need to raid my piggy bank! | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Jack, the world's fastest couch potato! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
Ah, Jack. Please, lie down. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
You'll be fully grown soon. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Have you considered what you'd like to be? Boiled, fried, baked? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
I was thinking of something with an international flavour. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
Ah, dauphinoise. Patatas bravas. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:38 | |
Not really. Like, a film director. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
A top rocket scientist. A rich playboy, who's really a spy! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:45 | |
I've got lots of eyes. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:46 | |
Well, yes, because you're a potato. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
-I want to be different. -A new potato! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
I applaud your ambition. Have you considered being | 0:03:51 | 0:03:55 | |
a lipid-immersed carbohydrate delivery platform? | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
-You mean a chip? -Well, yes. But it's good steady work. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
I feel too starchy as it is! I'm running a marathon. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:06 | |
Jack, Jack, you're a tuber! Accept it. Take it lying down. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:09 | |
No! I have dreams. I could be the first spud in space. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:13 | |
-You leave me no choice. -What...? | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
No! No! No! HE SHRIEKS | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
Die, die, die, die, die, die! | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
I've died. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
As a zombie holds me down and eats my brain. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Just a normal day at the office. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
-GROANING ON GAME -Die, die, die... Hey! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
How can you stand to play that old heap of junk? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
You said this console was at the bleeding edge of tomorrow. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
-Art fused with technology to become hyper-entertainment. -Last month! | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Now look at it. What a dinosaur! | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
My grandad could draw faster graphics with his watercolour set. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
Check THIS out. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
12 gigapixels, | 0:04:51 | 0:04:52 | |
and 10 million independently shaded polygons per second. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
Wow! ..What does that mean? | 0:04:56 | 0:05:00 | |
Zombies with photo-realistic drool. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
We've got to get one. How much? | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
-£350. -How much do you have? | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
£4.76 and a 10 krona note. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:28 | |
Right. Shall I plug the old console back in now? | 0:05:28 | 0:05:31 | |
No! We're better than this. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
There must be something devious we can do. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
You're not fooling anyone but yourself. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
Well, it's a good start. And I'm definitely getting more flexible. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
-Like some supple willow sapling? -No! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
Like old knicker elastic. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
I've done it! I've done it. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
-Finally lost your marbles? -No. I've entered the fun run. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
I'm number 3472. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
-Do you think I'll be near the front? -You've entered? | 0:06:03 | 0:06:06 | |
I'll be tearing round that course in a week. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
-No way. -In your couch potato dreams! | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
Oh, come on! You two have seriously inspired me. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:16 | |
You'll be glad to know I'm doing it for Sport Relief. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
Wait. We agreed to sponsor him. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
You said ten quid a kilometre. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
-That's... -£100 each. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
-What?! -Relax! Jack goes off on one sometimes. | 0:06:28 | 0:06:32 | |
He'll soon see something shiny and forget all about it. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
Ooooh! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Pretty! | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
No... No. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
I'm in training. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:47 | |
One! | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
Two! | 0:06:58 | 0:06:59 | |
100% improvement. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
Way to go, Jack. A new PB. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
-PB? -Personal best. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
# I'm a little Dutch girl Dressed in blue | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
# These are the things I'd like to do... # | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
-You'll hurt yourself. -Or the runner in front when you fall on him. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:22 | |
Or both! | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
Oh, I see! It's OK for you to have goals. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
But as soon as I challenge myself to be all I can be, | 0:07:26 | 0:07:31 | |
then all you can do is laugh. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Basically, yeah! | 0:07:35 | 0:07:36 | |
Jack, be realistic. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
All my life, people have told me to be realistic. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:42 | |
What's so good about reality? | 0:07:42 | 0:07:43 | |
Was Churchill realistic? | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Was Michelangelo realistic? | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
-Actually, yes. -Was Einstein...realistic? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
No. He was relative...istic! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
I made a physics joke! | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
And they said it couldn't be done! | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
-You have great future ahead of you. -As a physicist, Professor Einstein? | 0:08:04 | 0:08:09 | |
No! As a comedian. That is the funniest equation I've ever seen! | 0:08:09 | 0:08:14 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
CHALK SQUEAKS | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
So the horse said to the bartender, | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
"I think you'll find the length of my face is simply a result of... | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
-"years of natural selection!" -THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Thank you, you've been a great crowd. I'm here all week! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
SHE WHINNIES | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Anyway, remember we're on for a curry tonight? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
Not me. I have to watch what I eat. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
-My body is my temple. -This coming from the human wheelie bin? | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
I didn't know he was that strong. | 0:08:58 | 0:08:59 | |
Don't worry, they're not as heavy as they look. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:03 | |
Jack, we hear you're doing a fun run. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
-Congratulations! -Yeah. My mate's dad did one once. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:14 | |
He got a hairline fracture of the pelvis. It was agonising. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
They had to put all these metal pins in his... Ow! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
Probably overdid it on the training. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
-I'm not falling into that trap. -I can't see any way you could improve. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:27 | |
Hey, thanks! Nice to hear someone being positive for a change. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:31 | |
So you can concentrate on the race, | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
-we'll take on your sponsorship drive. -For free. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
Of course, there will be some unavoidable expenses. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
Leaflets, websites, entertainment... | 0:09:39 | 0:09:44 | |
-Entertainment? -Taking sponsors out for slushies. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
Don't worry. We'll handle it all. We raise money while you... | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
Raise your knees! | 0:09:51 | 0:09:52 | |
I want to get pots of money for Sport Relief. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
And I don't care how you do it. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
Super. You can just leave that to us then. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
So great to help people in need. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Especially children. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
-COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! -Ommmmmmm.... | 0:10:05 | 0:10:08 | |
GRUMBLING | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
Sorry! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
Can't you even go an hour without tea and toast? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
ANGRY GRUMBLING | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
-Ommmmmmm... -DOORBELL RINGS | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
Jack, it's seven o'clock in the morning. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
Saw your light on. I'm inspired by your example. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
-We're so committed! -We should be. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
-I've been running since 5:30. -What?! | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
I can't believe it either. It's like a new me! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
Only threw up twice. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:40 | |
Sam! Never mind the time. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
Guess who rocked up here after his early morning run? | 0:10:45 | 0:10:48 | |
Well, try! If he gets fit, we're both out of £100. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
Get here now! | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
YOU calm down! | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
No, you calm down! | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
Eugh! What is that? | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
Protein milkshake. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
You know, since you got up and did a long run, | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
you deserve a proper breakfast. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
-Well... -I'll make it for you. That's what friends are for. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
Now, what would you like? | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
Eggs, | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
a couple of pounds of bacon, | 0:11:21 | 0:11:22 | |
sausages, | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
tomatoes, | 0:11:24 | 0:11:25 | |
or you can have some hot, buttery toast. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
They all sound delicious. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:29 | |
No, thanks. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
I need to stick to my training regime. Oh, I will have some eggs. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
BOTH: Eugh! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
-So this would be... -The lid. Yeah. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Jack, look, no offence, but this is so unlike you. | 0:11:47 | 0:11:51 | |
-What, forgetting to put the lid on? -No, that's totally like you. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:55 | |
I mean, the getting up early, trying hard, | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
remembering what you're meant to be doing. | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
Oh-h! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:01 | |
What? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
Yeah. I know. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:03 | |
It's like I've had this winner living inside of me all this time, | 0:12:03 | 0:12:07 | |
but he's always been kept down by Mr Why-Should-I-Try? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:11 | |
-or Mr Afraid-To-Lose - those are the nagging nabobs of negativity. -Yeah. | 0:12:11 | 0:12:16 | |
Shall I let you in on my secret? | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
I downloaded this motivational thinking course. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
You play it while you sleep. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:25 | |
It made me see that I could do anything I want to do. | 0:12:25 | 0:12:28 | |
Great(!) | 0:12:28 | 0:12:29 | |
Ever since I stopped listening to the fail whale | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
and started swimming with the salmon of success, | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
I've realised that I'm basically better than anyone else around me. | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
The "fail whale"? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:43 | |
Imagine you're a raisin in a giant warm currant bun of love. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:55 | |
Embrace your inner winner, | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
and if anyone gets in your way, gently crush them. | 0:12:56 | 0:13:01 | |
They're just jealous. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
Aren't you teaching us it's OK to be smug and selfish? | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Oh, dear, John. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
It seems John has been talking to the fail whale again. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:15 | |
Good. Now, anyone else? | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
Let's form a circle and pat ourselves on the back. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:29 | |
I said, "Pat!" | 0:13:32 | 0:13:34 | |
What's wrong with people? They're just so uncharitable. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
-Not like you. -I put 50p in the collection box at the school disco. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:43 | |
Yeah, then took out a note. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
Can you believe someone put 10 krona in? How low can you stoop? | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
The website's been live for seven hours | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
and, so far, only one person has signed up to sponsor Jack. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:55 | |
-One person? That's great. -For 2p a kilometre | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
-with a 10p bonus if he has to be put down? -Cheapskates. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:03 | |
At this rate, we won't raise nearly enough money for Sport Relief. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
I spent £100 on the website and this. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
-So that means... -We're 100 quid less 20p in debt. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:16 | |
-I get it all except the "we" part. -WE are in this together. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
If worst comes to worst, you'll have to sell your misshapen vegetables. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
-No! Not my babies! -It hasn't come to that yet, | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
but we're going to have to do something drastic. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Ugh! 59...60...61... | 0:14:30 | 0:14:34 | |
-62... -Hi, Jack. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:37 | |
-Looking good! -But he's standing on that. ..Ow! | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
You're an inspiration to us all. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
I realised I can't let anything get in my way. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
Not even reality. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:48 | |
-So, how's the sponsorship drive? -Jack, we won't lie to you. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:53 | |
-It's going brilliantly! -Great! | 0:14:53 | 0:14:54 | |
To help it go even better, we want you to run in this. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:58 | |
Cool. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Er...why? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
To help raise your profile - | 0:15:03 | 0:15:04 | |
you know, like some people run dressed as salt and pepper shakers | 0:15:04 | 0:15:08 | |
or as Batman and Robin. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
Or a dog and a lamp-post. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
-See, you're a gnome, everybody loves gnomes. -I don't. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
I find them sinister and creepy. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
Aren't these a bit long? I thought gnomes were supposed to be tiny. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:21 | |
Trust me. You're not going to be any old gnome. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:24 | |
We're going to make sure you stand out from the crowd. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:28 | |
Wow! I'll be a hero - | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
like the guy who did the very first marathon...whatever his name was. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:35 | |
Look, a runner from the Plain of Marathon. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:41 | |
What news? | 0:15:41 | 0:15:42 | |
Four words. ..First word. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
Sounds like. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
-Fart. -Fart... | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
Hands. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Sounds like fart...hands. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:55 | |
Spartans! | 0:15:55 | 0:15:57 | |
The Spartans hold the... | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
..banana! | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
The Spartans hold the banana! | 0:16:03 | 0:16:07 | |
Horse...overtake... | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
Pass. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
-The Spartans hold the pass! -CHEERING | 0:16:14 | 0:16:21 | |
Tell us your name and we will hold a race in your honour. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
It's Jack. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
Then wee shall call the race a "marathon"! | 0:16:25 | 0:16:31 | |
We could try and superglue him to the couch | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
with a box set of horror films. | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
He'll probably fall into a canal. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
-No, he's spookily focused. He might actually do it. -So? | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
Isn't that sort of good? | 0:16:44 | 0:16:46 | |
Yeah, if you've got 100 quid to spare. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
I know it's a lot of money, but Jack's our friend. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
We should be supportive. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:53 | |
-And Sport Relief is a brilliant cause. -That's true. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
BOTH SCREAM | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
What do you think? | 0:17:01 | 0:17:02 | |
-It's my costume for the race. -A gnome? -Yeah. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
The way I see it, anyone can do a fun run, but I'm better than that. | 0:17:05 | 0:17:10 | |
I'll do it in record time whilst raising loads of dosh. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:13 | |
-Oh, is that all? -No, and I'm doing it on stilts. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
I'll be famous, but don't worry, I won't forget about the little people, | 0:17:17 | 0:17:21 | |
like you, who helped me stand out. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
-Forget the money. He needs taking down a peg or seven. -Yeah. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:30 | |
Where do we start? | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
TAPE PLAYS: 'Nail those nagging nabobs of negativity, | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
'and flick the tail of the fail whale.' | 0:17:35 | 0:17:38 | |
-DREAMY AMERICAN ACCENT: -You are excellent at many things, | 0:17:38 | 0:17:42 | |
like burping the National Anthem, | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
and biting your toenails, but running ain't one of them. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
You feel positive, focused and tired, | 0:17:49 | 0:17:53 | |
incredibly tired all the time. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:57 | |
Your legs feel like wet noodles | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
and you have an insatiable appetite for cheese. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:05 | |
Yeah! By tomorrow, he'll be struggling to run a bath. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
Don't try fly-posting the windows of the minicab office. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
They're quite touchy. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:16 | |
The world's tallest gnome is getting hits but no-one's giving. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:19 | |
This is destroying my faith in humanity. | 0:18:19 | 0:18:23 | |
-You have faith in humanity? -We need to get people here... | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
make them feel his pain. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
I know, what about if we gave him a half-hour head start | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
and then sent bloodhounds after him? | 0:18:30 | 0:18:32 | |
-Nah. -Flying monkeys? | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
How about he could run in scuba gear | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
-with his head in a bowlful of goldfish? -Why? | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Or he sets off the other way, runs round the world, minus 10k. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:43 | |
I've got it! He'll be in training. Come on. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
-Let's hope he falls over. -Yeah, we'll make a fortune. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-We're going to make millions. -Trip him up, trip him up! | 0:18:48 | 0:18:53 | |
Millions. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
'And you have an insatiable appetite for cheese!' | 0:18:57 | 0:19:02 | |
Oh! | 0:19:20 | 0:19:21 | |
1... | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Oh, what's the use? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
Top hat, coat, pair of shoes | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
Don't try cos you're bound to lose! | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
Agh! What's wrong with me? | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
'You're as weak as a kitten. Your legs are like wet noodles.' | 0:19:35 | 0:19:40 | |
SWITCHES TV ON | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Great! | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
No, I can't let everyone down. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
SWITCHES TV OFF I'm going to go for a training run. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
Come on! I've got to dig deep. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
-'And you have an insatiable appetite for cheese.' -Hold on. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:12 | |
Human confidence is so fragile. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:20 | |
One minute you're up, then you're down. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:22 | |
-"Oh, I'm the biz!" "Oh, I'm a wombat!" -Oh, it's true. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:26 | |
You ARE a wombat. I'm glad you said it and not me. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:30 | |
It's a shame. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:31 | |
You've got that kind of almost handsome face, haven't you? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
This won't work. Rationally, I know I'm quite good-looking. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:39 | |
-If your tentacles weren't so close together. -Nice try. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
And that bulbous forehead and those neck warts. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
You don't have nearly enough of them. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
Wow! He scoffed the whole plate. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
-The only record he'll be breaking as quick is giving up. -Teach him! | 0:20:55 | 0:20:59 | |
The big...show-off! | 0:20:59 | 0:21:00 | |
That friend of yours - what was his name again? | 0:21:00 | 0:21:05 | |
Right! That would be Eric. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
Eric - who's always showing off about his... | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
car. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:15 | |
Oh, hi, Jack. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
-Sam was just telling me about her friend Eric. -Don't even bother. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
-What do you mean? -That's what you told me, wasn't it? | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
"You're very tired, weak as a kitten. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
-"You have an insatiable appetite for cheese." -We're sorry. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:31 | |
Do you have any idea what that amount of cheese | 0:21:31 | 0:21:34 | |
does to a delicate runner's metabolism? | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
Yeah. Does anybody mind if I open a window? | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
-I thought I could count on your help. I thought you were friends. -You can. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:44 | |
-We are. -What about people Sport Relief help? | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
We're totally ashamed, aren't we? | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
I'm prepared to let bygones be bygones if... | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
you tell me where you keep the cheese! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
-Jack! You can still do this fun run. -No, I'm a hopeless loser. | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
No, you're not. Now snap out of it! | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
Little man in big trousers. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
No, Jack, we're going to find that inner winner | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
and we're going to give him a big hug. | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
You're going to run that race on those stilts in this, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
setting a new time record for a cheese-crazed gnome on stilts. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
Now, lift that weight. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
Miaow! | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
Did he just miaow? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:18 | |
OK. We've got a long way to go. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:21 | |
BOYS LAUGH | 0:22:22 | 0:22:23 | |
-What a total goon. -Yeah. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:26 | |
He doesn't mean me, does he? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
Oh, here's a good bit. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:30 | |
The dog comes in and chases Jack. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:33 | |
This is so weird. I'm actually laughing at a gnome. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
We're getting loads of sponsors. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:38 | |
They all want more of the giant gnome. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
They wouldn't give money for someone running for charity. | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
But they'll pay to see someone do dumb things and hurt themselves. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:47 | |
My faith in humanity is restored. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
And with the money we'll cream off for "expenses", | 0:22:50 | 0:22:52 | |
soon that latest console will be ours. | 0:22:52 | 0:22:55 | |
Realistic drool, here we come. | 0:22:55 | 0:22:57 | |
We need more footage. We need to feed the beast. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
Race day's here and this is it. Have you got Jack's racing numbers? | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
Check. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:06 | |
-Isotonic drinks for electrolyte replacement? -Check. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
-Cuddly bunny. -Check. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
-Things you say in chess. -Check. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
-Slip from the bank. -Cheque! | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
Er, guys? BOTH: Sorry! | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
-We've got tons of sponsorship. -The last batch went down really well. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
Batch? What batch? | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
The batch...of news about how well Jack's' training's going. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:28 | |
-It's time! -Jack, are you ready? Let's go. | 0:23:28 | 0:23:32 | |
Jack, what is that? | 0:23:37 | 0:23:38 | |
-Hmm? What's what? -The car! -Oh, this? Oh, this is part of my costume. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:44 | |
It's my gnomobile. All cool gnomes have them. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:46 | |
You can't enter a fun run in a tiny car. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
It's OK. I don't need a licence. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
That would be cheating - you're not running yourself. | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
-So you don't think I'd get away... -Not a chance. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:57 | |
Then we might have a problem. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
What have you done to your leg? | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
I went out for a final training run last night, | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
someone dropped this and I slipped on it. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
-Just bad luck, I guess. -Looks like a lens cap for a video camera. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:11 | |
Yeah, but what am I going to do. I don't want to let you guys down, | 0:24:11 | 0:24:14 | |
-or Sport Relief or those who believe in me. -You're doing it, | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
if we have to carry you every step of the way. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
-Thanks, but I don't think this will work. -Don't listen to the fail whale. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:23 | |
Swim with the salmon of success. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
Have I missed something here? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
-You're number 2. I am 3. -And I'm 47. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:32 | |
-Hey, you're a prime number. -You'd better believe it, baby. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
-Good! -Whee! | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
-Ben. -Sorry. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
HORN BEEPS | 0:24:42 | 0:24:43 | |
This is excellent. The money's really rolling in. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
Never mind a new games console, | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
we might be able to afford real zombies. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
THEY SHOUT "Die!" | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
-Oh, no! They're re-spawning. -Oh! | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
This is going to be a tougher level than we thought, Ben. ..Ben? | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
Aggh! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-Ow! -Ow! -Agh! -Agh! | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
Did we really just do that? | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
I think so. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
To be honest, the last three kilometres were a complete blur. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:26 | |
This is, without doubt, the greatest achievement of my life. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
Think of all the money we raised for Sport Relief! | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
HE HUMS CHEERILY | 0:25:33 | 0:25:34 | |
Why aren't you limping any more? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
My leg's feeling a lot better now. It must have just been a bad cramp. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
You mean, we ran all that way for nothing?! | 0:25:42 | 0:25:46 | |
I wanted to quit but you wouldn't let me. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
-We're a team. How cool is that? -Ow! -Ow! | 0:25:48 | 0:25:51 | |
-Ow! -Ow! | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
Fantastic run, Jack. The money's pouring in. | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
-No-one thought the idiot gnome could do it. -Wait. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:58 | |
You saying there was another gnome racing? | 0:25:58 | 0:26:01 | |
Yeah, er, anyway, nice one, see you. | 0:26:01 | 0:26:05 | |
-Um, where are you going with all of that? -This is just our expenses. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:09 | |
-We need to pay some things back. -Not buy a new games console. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:12 | |
That wouldn't be THIS new games console, would it? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:15 | |
How about the people who really need it? | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
-Come on, Max. -Come to Uncle Jack. There's a good evil genius. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
All of it. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
Agh! | 0:26:29 | 0:26:30 | |
Agghh! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:31 | |
Aggh! No-o! | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
GIRLS: Give, give, give if you want to live! | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
Not my 10 krona note! | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
You're in the way. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
-How's the dance video going? -Shot it. Went well. Already uploaded. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:45 | |
-How's it doing? -Good. Getting hits. | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
Not as many as the latest clip | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
of some complete prat humiliating himself, though. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
Yeah, let's have a look. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:54 | |
It's amazing what some saddos do for a bit of attention. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:58 | |
Yeah, isn't it? | 0:26:58 | 0:26:59 | |
DOG BARKS ON CLIP | 0:26:59 | 0:27:02 | |
-Oh, here comes the dog. -Leave me alone! | 0:27:02 | 0:27:04 | |
-The gnome scares me. -I just wanted to say... | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
Aggh! | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
..thanks, guys, I'm finally famous. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
You can come out now! | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
Another fine episode. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
-You were frightened at the end. -No, I wasn't. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:28 | |
I, um...dropped my transcoder. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:31 | |
I'm off for some toast. Stay here if you're so brave. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:37 | |
By the way, all those tales of ghostly space gnomes dragging people | 0:27:37 | 0:27:42 | |
out of the airlock, that's a nonsense. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:46 | |
EVIL LAUGHTER | 0:27:50 | 0:27:51 | |
Help! Co-ordinator Zang! | 0:27:51 | 0:27:55 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:55 | 0:27:56 |