Wedding Dress Dani's House

-"Next on Galactic TV, Dani's House."

-No TV until I get your evaluation

on whether the purple planet of Zoot is suitable for habitation.

But Dani's House is starting!

What is more important? Finding a new planet

to ensure the survival of our race, or watching Dani's House?

All right.

Target locked.

T-target? What target?

"No such planet."

Evaluation complete!

Hi. My name's Dani, and this is my fantastic new...

..best friend Jack!

Yeah, but... Oh, where was I?!

You're Dani, and I'm your best friend too - Sam.

As I was saying, this is my fantastic new... Max!

I'm her brother. And it's Ben.

What? Oh...

Can you just zip it?!

As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this is my fantastic...

-What did I tell you?

-THEY ARGUE

I give up!

ALL JOIN IN ARGUMENT

I, Dani,

take thee, Prince Ricardo, to be my lawful wedded husband.

You're not Dani. You're playing Elspeth Lockhart.

You lost everything in the earthquake,

and now you're marrying the man

who looted your property and burnt your bobble hat?!

-Will you get back to helping me learn my lines, please?

-Sorry!

It's just painful watching you struggle.

You're ruining the drama for me.

Sam never complains!

Maybe Sam doesn't care.

Sam's helping her sister with her wedding.

-You're definitely second choice.

-Fair enough.

Take it from the top!

When Dani or one of her unsuspecting friends walks through that door,

the bucket will fall, tip upside down as it

dangles from the strap, and voila!

They'll be drenched in vanilla custard.

-You're a genius!

-All we have to do is sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

-I'll get the snacks.

-No!

Wow! That worked really well!

Congratulations.

How come my practical jokes always fail when you're involved?

If you can't carry out practical jokes properly,

I can't see our friendship lasting.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Don't worry, I'll teach you everything you need to know.

If you can become as good as I am,

imagine the damage we'll do as a team!

Any chance I could borrow a towel?

KNOCK AT DOOR

All right! I'm coming!

Water! I need water!

Let me guess - your sister's wedding plans stressing you out?

Custard. Feel free to help yourself.

I've got to pay for the ice sculpture,

plus I took three buses to collect her wedding dress.

-Don't you just love buses? Ding-ding!

-Here you are, Ben.

Max, this is your lucky day!

My cousin has the chicken pox, so we need you to fill in tomorrow.

How would you like to be a pageboy?

Your sister must really hate me!

-What have I ever done to her?

-I'll pay you!

No amount of money in the world could make me put that on.

I have my pride! Come on, Ben.

I had no idea it was going to be a big fancy wedding.

I thought she was marrying that emo bloke from the launderette?

She's always dreamt of a big wedding.

She's spent a fortune on her dress alone.

This dress is all she cares about.

Weddings should be so much more than that.

I mean, finding your soul mate. Wanting to spend your life with them.

It shouldn't matter what you wear.

Wow! This has really given you a handle on that

true love mumbo-jumbo!

Hey - that's it!

Maybe a wedding could help me nail this part.

And Dani needs all the help she can get.

You have to get me an invite.

No can do. Miranda's being a total bridezilla about her guest list.

-You're hardly bosom buddies.

-I've known her since I was little.

Remember all the good times we spent together?

Dropping her best necklace in paint?

-I was six.

-Or filling her French horn with cement sand.

-I was four!

-You were 14! And how about the time...

OK. I get the picture!

Wait - what if I offered to sing at the wedding?

Sorry I'm late! Is the bride here yet?

What are you wearing?!

I know, I know - finding matching shoes was a nightmare.

You can't wear a wedding dress to a wedding! The bride wears the dress!

This is a faux pas. A no-no. A crime against matrimony!

Do you think Miranda will mind? She'll still let me sing, right?

-Snap!

-MIRANDA SCREAMS

SHE SCREAMS AGAIN

We should really start calling each other in the morning.

I'd love to sing at the wedding.

Tell Miranda it would be my honour. She wouldn't have to pay me much.

Miranda's already arranged all the entertainment. Sorry.

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

"Got a problem with the doves.

"The vicar's worried the birds will poop in his church."

-Can I leave this lot here while I sort this out?

-Sure.

Back soon.

You've got custard on the floor.

You should really clean that up.

Talk about stressed!

Mmm. "Stressed" is "desserts" spelt backwards.

Fascinating!

The key to your practical jokes chest?

You'll need it to improve your prank skills. I will teach you all I know.

SQUEAKING

This is great!

Fake spiders,

fake blood, black ink, dribble glass,

chilli sweets, superglue shoe polish!

You've got everything in here!

As part of your training, I want you to play a practical joke on me.

No. We're friends. Friends don't treat each other like that.

Plus, I'm scared you'll seek revenge.

Revenge is irrelevant.

If you succeed, that would be reward enough.

Bring it on!

There is a long road ahead, my friend.

But we shall travel it together.

-That's not water, is it?

-Sour milk.

Lesson number one, trust no-one.

Oh, just tell me.

For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer.

Dani, this is ridiculous!

-I'm just finding it hard to get into character.

-I know...

..why don't you put Miranda's wedding dress on?

Are you insane?

Sam's stressed enough as it is!

She'd never forgive us if we touch it.

Fine, do it your way.

I, Dani...

No! For the last time, it's Elspeth Lockhart!

Maybe you're right. Maybe I could use some inspiration.

I have to say, you've made a good start.

But you're better than this.

The shoe polish on the telescope? The electric shock handshake?

The "I am stupid" sign?

These are standard jokes!

You should be aiming so much higher.

I'll try. I just don't think I'm ever going to be as good as you.

Half the battle is fought up here.

Allow me to demonstrate.

One of these sweets is delicious.

The other is laced with so much chilli

only dogs will hear you scream.

The question is, which sweet is which?

The test ends when you decide, and we both eat.

The chilli sweet can't be the one in front of you. That's too obvious.

Good...

-So it's probably the sweet in front of me.

-Mm-hm.

Which means I should pick the sweet in front of you.

Far out! What is that?

I don't see anything.

No, my mistake. Let's eat.

H-Help! Help! Water! Help, help!

No good! It's a dribble glass!

Quick, eat this one - it'll help mask the flavour.

DOGS BARKING

As you see, both sweets were chilli-flavoured.

My tongue! Oh, my tongue!

You forgot lesson number one - trust no-one.

-ALARM

-Help me! Help me!

Where's the first aid kit?

-Call a medic! Aaaagh!

-Are you all right? What happened?

I was attacked! They jumped me on the sleeper!

There's ten, maybe even twenty on board!

Aaargh!

This is Vessel 509!

We're compromised. Repeat, our mission has been compromised!

Activate the self-destruct sequence immediately!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Gotcha!

Should have seen your face! Humans are right - practical jokes are fun.

-I've already set the ship to self-destruct!

-Well, reverse it.

There is no reverse, are you insane?

Oh, no! What have I done? Quick -

take cover! Take cover!

Aaaagh...

Hah ha-ha-ha-ha!

Aha-ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

OK, there's no self-destruct sequence, is there?

I hope not.

STEADY ALARM TONE

To love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Yes! See? I told you the dress would unlock the magic!

You were right! It really worked.

I'm a method actor! Who knew? Let me try the next bit.

Ricardo, I have a confession.

I have but three days to live!

RIPPING

What did you do?

-It's not my fault! The sleeves are too tight.

-You've ripped it.

It's split like a banana!

When Sam finds out, she'll totally flip!

She'll never speak to you again.

-Me?! What about you?

-RIPPING

It was your idea for me to put this on!

-Like it or not, we're in this together.

-OK, how about not?

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Relax. I'll take it off, sew the tear, it'll be as good as new.

Er...are you that good at sewing?

This dress is a work of art!

Oh, she's tickling me!

My finger!

Agh! That's my hand!

Ow! Arm!

Agh... My other arm!

Oh, that's just great(!)

Unlace me.

Hold still! It's tricky.

-I used a double fisherman's knot.

-How sensible.

It's no use. I'll have to cut it.

No way are we using scissors on this dress!

-DOORBELL

-That's Sam!

Whatever happens, she can't see me in this, not with the rip.

Please, Jack. You're my only hope!

Yes! See, this is the kind of emotion you need to

-harness for Elspeth!

-DOORBELL

-Wait, what shall I do?

-I don't care - just get rid of her!

-Howdy there, girlfriend!

-I came to collect the dress.

Where's Dani?

Er...busy. Very, very busy. Here's your precious cargo.

Wow. It's heavier than I realised.

Give my love to the happy couple!

-Well?

-You can relax.

It's all sorted. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Just call me The Refrigerator, because baby, now you can chill!

Phew! Thank goodness for that. Jack, you're amazing.

Watch out! You'll get dirty footprints on it.

Hello?! You're the one that ripped it.

So how exactly did you fix everything?

Easy. I put your coat in the garment bag to make it feel heavy.

Sam left thinking she had the dress, and all she had

was your crummy old coat! Farewello problemo!

So when she opens the bag and finds my coat, we're pretty much dead.

Oh, yeah.

-I didn't think about that.

-Idiot.

Aaaah! Aaaaah!

No! Jack! Do something!

It's going to stain, it's on the dress!

Argh...

-What's this for?

-Pour it on the dress! Cola removes stains!

-What?!

-When you leave a penny in cola overnight, it's brand new?

That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard!

-DOORBELL Hello!

-That's her.

She's found the coat and coming to wreak her twisted revenge!

Better answer it.

In her sister's ripped, stained wedding dress? You answer it!

I want nothing more to do with this.

Too late! You're my accomplice now, like it or not! I'm going to hide.

-What are you doing?

-I'm stuck! I'm stuck to the chair!

DOORBELL Can someone let me in, please!

Superglue. I'm going to kill Max!

-Hello!

-Just a minute!

Quick. Help me pull.

-RIPPING

-Stop! It's going to rip.

Max, I'm going to make you pay for this!

-Guys, it's me!

-Quick, put that sheet over me.

DOORBELL

-I really need to get that.

-No!

Hiya!

What are you guys doing?

-Jack's just washing my hair. Right, Jack?

-Er - that's right.

I've got the shampoo all ready.

Sunflower oil?

Yep. That is correct.

Sunflower oil has many moisturising properties, full of minerals

to give your hair back its oily bounce.

How does that feel?

-THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH

-Fine. Just fine.

Guys, about the garment bag...

-It was Dani's fault.

-What's Dani's fault?

Nothing. Jack just wanted to explain about the whole coat mix-up thing.

What coat? Look, guys, I don't have time to chat.

Can you believe it? I got a text from my sister with another errand.

-Do me a favour and mind the dress a bit longer.

-No problem.

You sure you don't wanna stay, have a drink? I could do your hair next.

-Ow!

-I can't stay, gotta dash. I'll be back in ten.

Are you crazy?!

-You heard the lady.

-Ow!

-She's back in ten minutes.

The dress has got a rip, a red stain and it's glued to the chair.

-What are we gonna do?

-Piece of cake.

Don't think you see the gravity of the situation.

No, I mean... do you want a piece of cake?

Focus. Get the nail polish remover, we need to dissolve the superglue.

Jack!

Got it.

Wait. This is gonna make the dress smell really bad.

-Good point. Maybe we should just leave it stuck to a chair!

-Got it.

-It worked!

-Oh-ho-ho! Thank goodness.

Right, all we have to do is sew the rip and get rid of the stain.

-Any ideas?

-Er... Washing machine?

You can't put this in the washing machine.

Just cut your stupid knot so I can get out of this.

-I thought you said no scissors.

-Cut it!

DOORBELL

Ten pepperoni supremes for Max.

But I didn't order any pizzas.

Say, "Extra cheese"!

Disappointing, Ben.

Gonna have to deduct points for unoriginality.

Here's your lucky scratchcard.

Pizza Zone give them away with every order. See if you've won.

Pizza delivery has so been done before.

We do it to Dani every weekend.

I don't believe it.

I've won!

£50,000! I'm rich.

Wow. That's amazing.

50 grand!

You know what this money means? It means I am untouchable.

I'll give Mum and Dad a loan. Then they'll be forever in my debt.

-I'll totally own them.

-Great.

Which means I can do whatever I like.

Like this. I always hated this thing.

Goodbye, ugly kitten painting.

What are you doing?

Whatever I like.

I'm rich, baby, rich!

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

Gotcha!

Gotcha? What you mean, gotcha?

There is no money. You didn't win.

It's a phoney scratchcard.

Fake. They're all fake. You should have seen your face, classic.

Well done, Ben. You beat me.

Ben, you're a success story.

-This ends now.

-This is a test, right?

Lesson number one, trust no-one.

Voila. Just a little bit more, and the red stain will be gone.

-Bottom of the dress is crooked.

-SHE SIGHS

There...

Just a little bit wonky.

OK, not quite as neat as I like.

Hi, Dani.

Whoa-oa-oa...

Ohhh!

OK! It's not what it looks like.

What have you done? How could you do this? Miranda's gonna kill me.

It's Dani's fault. She tried it on.

-You what?

-It was his idea.

How could this happen?

I accidentally ripped it.

-Then she spilt blackcurrant juice on it.

-Then he cut the lace.

Only after she got glued to a chair.

Hello?! That was entirely Max's fault.

-Then she cut the train off, and kept cutting.

-Trimming.

Miranda's dreamt of this dress ever since she was a little girl.

Look on the bright side, at least the red stain's gone!

What's that on your face?

It's on your fingers! Oh, look what you did.

SAM GASPS

Oh, it's shoe polish.

It's the old shoe polish on the doorknob trick. Max is so dead.

This dress means more to Miranda than anything - even more than me.

Please don't be upset.

Jack, Mum should have some stain remover.

I know how to fix this. I promise.

I'll just give Mona a quick clean.

Oops.

TEXT MESSAGE ALERT

It's Miranda.

-She's coming to collect the dress.

-What? Here? She's coming here now?

OK. That's it washed. Perfect timing.

Quick!

What's wrong? Something's wrong, tell me.

Nothing. It's all fine. It's just a bit...tangled.

I need a hand.

Ready? One, two, three...

RIPPING

Oh!

This may sound like a silly question but...wasn't it white before?

This isn't stain remover. It's black ink, you idiot!

I'm really sorry. I got the wrong bottle.

Who leaves black ink mixed in with all the laundry detergents anyway?

-I need that, thank you.

-Hey!

It's from Max's pranks supply chest. I left it here earlier.

I'm gathering things together for a big practical joke.

I can't wait to see Max's face.

I can't wait to see it when I'm finished with him!

DOORBELL, SAM GASPS Miranda!

-HE GASPS

-I think now's when we pray.

It's OK.

This doesn't have to be a big deal.

Are you serious? Things were looking bad before,

but a black ripped minidress, there's no way out of that.

-It's a minor hiccup.

-It's a catastrophe!

-I have the perfect solution.

-You do?

We put the dress back in the garment bag,

and pretend we know nothing about it.

Right.

Who's to say the dressmaker didn't make this mistake?

-You think Miranda's gonna buy that?

-It's a logical explanation.

Let her try. At this point, what have we got to lose?

Where have you hidden the shower gel?

Well, boss, what do you think?

I thought I told you to stop!

I know. I didn't believe you. Lesson number one, trust no-one. Remember?

You've gone too far.

Wow. You're really cross, aren't you?

Sorry. I thought it was a game.

I'll bring your stuff back inside. It's sitting on the kerb outside.

The binmen come today!

I have some terrible news.

What happened?

The wedding's off.

Oh, yes! Thank goodness for that!

Saved by the wedding bell!

Oh...

Just kidding! You guys are too easy.

Out of my way!

Now, where's my dress?

Finally. My dress.

I've dreamt of this moment since I was just a little girl.

# Here comes the bride

# All dressed in white... #

They took all my stuff.

I had no idea those binmen were coming today.

Lucky you won't have to go around in that towel. There's still this.

Wait a minute, this isn't my dress.

Is it not?

Oh, no, it is right. For a moment I thought it said Miranda Jones,

but it's Miranda James.

Still, you can't trust those dressmakers to get anything right.

Thanks for everything.

You're the best little sis ever.

When I put this dress on,

I'm gonna remember everything you did for me today.

I'm so proud of you, Sam.

If only I didn't have a conscience. I'm really gonna regret this.

Hello!

Can I just quickly say something?

For the last time, Dani, we don't want you to sing at our wedding.

It's not that.

It's about the dress.

Go on.

Well...! Where to begin?

Let's see. It all started with the Roman invasion of Britain, and...

Right, we can skip all that. I kind of tried on your wedding dress.

-You what?

-And there was a tiny, tiny tear on the sleeve.

A tear?

You ripped my wedding dress?

Have you any idea...? I'm getting married in the morning.

There's more.

More?

What could be more than a rip?

Maybe you should just take a look.

One day we'll all be able to laugh about this.

Just like we can about your amethyst necklace and your French horn.

OTHERS LAUGH UNEASILY

What kind of animal are you?

Remember, there's more to a wedding than what you wear.

Good point. That's one smart sister.

You've destroyed all of my childhood dreams in a matter of hours!

Well... that's one way of looking at it.

Hey, babes, are you ready?

Don't look. I can't bear it.

Babes...!

I know it's bad luck for me to see your wedding outfit,

but I've got to say,

that is one awesome dress!

It is?

-There I was worried you'd show up all white and traditional.

-Really?

But this dress suits us perfectly.

It's a true symbol we're meant to be together.

You're right.

I should get married in a dress that means something for both of us.

This dress is perfect.

-I'm so glad you like it.

-Like it?

I love it!

Thanks, Dani. Turns out weddings

don't have to be all about the big white wedding dress. Right, Sam?

Note to self, think twice before trying on

-anyone else's wedding dress.

-At least you got to learn your lines.

Good point.

I, Dani... No!

Max!

You took advantage of me when I was distracted,

but now I'm ready to have revenge for all your pranks.

All my furniture and possessions were taken away by the binmen.

I destroyed Dad's painting and Mum's wedding vase.

I thought I'd won a load of money then it was taken from me.

The only thing I have left to wear is this pageboy outfit.

Pastels really suit you, by the way.

Don't you think I've suffered enough?

No.

MAX AND BEN SCREAM

Ooh... Ow.

Ooh. That looks a little painful.

Wow. She's really mean.

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's ride this wave right out to sea

# I will be

# Breaking free. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd