Maxworld Dani's House


Maxworld

Surreal sitcom about a struggling actress. Max contrives to lock Dani, Sam and Jack in Dani's bedroom so they can sort out their differences.


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Transcript


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I've got them, Co-ordinator!

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Tickets to the opening of Weasel World.

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The most largest, intense theme park on planet Earth.

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I heard that Weasel World has the scariest roller coasters

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in the universe.

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It's fun BECAUSE it's scary.

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There's a ride at Weasel World called the Bone Blaster

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which turns your bones into dust.

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Where's the fun in that?!

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Sounds awesome to me.

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There's the Devastator Four Billion which makes your feet explode.

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There's the Ratonator

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which makes your eyeballs pop out of their sockets like this.

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Do you still want to go?

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Of course.

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Oh, what do you know!

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I've lost my ticket. I'll just have to stay here and watch Dani's House.

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Oh, never mind, Co-ordinator. You can have mine.

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Thanks.

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Hi, my name's Dani and this is my fantastic new...

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Best friend, Jack!

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Yeah, but... Oh, where was I?!

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Your name's Dani and I'm her best friend too, Sam.

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As I was saying, this is my fantastic new...

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Max!

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I'm her brother and, actually, it's... Ben?

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What? Oh, it's OUR show.

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Can you just zip it?!

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As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is my...

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SHOUTING

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I give up!

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But Winkie Weasel says that Weasel World is officially

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the best place ever.

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I don't care if Winkie Weasel says

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the streets in Weasel World are paved with chocolate.

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We're not going.

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Look, this isn't a word I use very often, Dani, but...

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please, please, can we go? Pretty please?

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Pleasy, pleasy on top. Please, please, please, please!

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Max, I can't afford it and Sam and Jack are here.

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So be it. You shall rue the day you refused to take Max to Weasel World.

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So here I am, once again,

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stuck at home baby-sitting my evil little brother.

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Well, at least I've got company.

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Sam's busy working on her coursework and Jack is...

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Jack, what are you doing?

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Seeing how many marshmallows I can fit into my mouth.

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But you ruined my concentration.

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I was in the zone, Dani. The zone.

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Ooh!

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Sam?

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Nothing! What? Hello.

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I heard a muffled shriek.

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It was probably just the wind or a bird.

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Or a bird in the wind shrieking.

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-Can you smell burning?

-Perhaps the bird's on fire.

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Perhaps there is no bird.

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What happened?

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I spilled hydrochloric acid causing a diverse reaction

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with the turpentine in the shoe dye.

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That's easy for you to say.

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Those are my mum's favourite shoes!

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Correction - WERE your mum's favourite shoes.

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Just tell her it was my fault.

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It was! She'll blame me for allowing chemicals in the house.

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We can get them fixed at a shoe repair shop.

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Wait, an alkaline solution might put things right.

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This should neutralise the acid and stop the damage getting any worse.

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-Are you sure that will work?

-Trust me. I am a scientist.

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-Is that supposed to happen?

-Course not.

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She's always there - standing in the way of my fun,

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-like a big...a big...

-A big Dani-shaped fun-blocker?

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-Precisely what I was going to say.

-What are you going to do, Max?

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I'm going to get rid of my sister and her loser friends

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and then I'm going to launch my most ambitious scheme yet.

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Dani won't let me go to Weasel World,

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I'll just have to bring Weasel World to me.

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I like where this is going.

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That's right, Ben. I'm going to build my very own theme park.

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OK, look. I've got some molecular polymer.

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-We can pour that into a shoe shape...

-No more science!

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Yeah, what good has science ever done?

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The invention of penicillin, electricity, the combustion engine,

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-I could go on.

-Please don't.

-Maybe we would all benefit

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if occasionally you dragged yourself away from the chemistry set

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-and behaved a little less like... Well, like a geek.

-Huh!

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You called me the G-word.

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I've been saving this for the right moment.

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I call it...

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..MaxWorld!

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Isn't it rather small for a theme park?

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If we try and get on these rides, we'd break them.

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This is a scale model, Ben.

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The full size version will take over the entire house.

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It's brilliant, Max.

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But Dani will never let you build it.

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Never mind about her.

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All I need is the right opportunity to put my plan into motion.

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< How dare you call me a geek?!

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Hark. Is that an opportunity I hear?

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Name one actor or singer who has ever done anything meaningful.

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Meaningful? What about the stars campaigning against global warming?

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Yes, by flying thousands of miles in gas-guzzling planes.

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Yeah, those ones.

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Acting and singing is my life, Sam. You take that back!

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-Not until you take back calling me a geek.

-No way!

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Then neither will I!

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-Fine!

-Fine!

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TRUMPET FANFARE

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CHEERING

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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it's the Heavyweight Insult Championship of the Wo-o-orld!

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In the blue corner, all the way from Dani's House, she sings,

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she acts, she floats like a bee...

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It's the Mighty Dani-i-i-i!

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CHEERING

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And in the red corner,

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our challenger tonight, weighing in at 45.45kg of pure brain power,

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S-a-a-a-a-mantha!

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CHEERING

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I want good, clean insults. No kicking, no biting,

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no kicking each other on the shins. Got that? Touch them up.

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Let's get it on!

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BELL RINGS

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Control freak!

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Science bore!

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Little Miss Bossy Boots!

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Little Miss Know It All!

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Little Miss "I'm So Stupid,

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"I Think A Balanced Meal Is Something You Eat On A Tightrope".

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Yeah?

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At least I don't have a face like a shrivelled-up cow's udder!

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BOOING

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-That insult was below the belt. Disqualified!

-What?!

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-..Then neither will I!

-This is getting out of hand.

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Don't bring them into this.

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I hate to see good friends fight.

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It brings a tear to one's eye.

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I'm sensing some unresolved tension in the room.

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Max, I'm not in the mood.

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-Perhaps I could resolve your differences.

-No! I don't think so.

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Fair enough but you could take a lesson from international diplomacy

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by locking yourself in a room till you settle things.

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That's not a bad idea.

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You'll need a mediator.

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Someone with good people skills to bridge this divide -

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someone compassionate, learned, wise.

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Yup! That's me.

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I'm all those things. A DJ KNOWS people.

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Being a REASONABLE person, I'm willing to give diplomacy a go.

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I'm reasonable too. Fine! We'll give it a go.

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-Good!

-Fine!

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Don't come out until you've settled your differences. Any questions?

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-What...?

-Um...

-What...?

-Good!

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All too easy.

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Ben, the key.

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-You did it, Max.

-Yeah, I did.

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Even I'M surprised that worked.

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OK, diplomacy.

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Sam, first I want you to apologise to Dani.

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Sorry.

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Now you, Dani.

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Sorry(!)

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-There we go, all sorted. Rock!

-That's not sorted anything.

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There's more I want to say.

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Love the sound of your own voice!

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This won't get resolved unless we speak our minds.

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Speaking our minds got us into this.

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I suggest a talking stick.

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Native American tribes use it.

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The stick is passed from member

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to member and no-one can talk unless they have the stick.

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Great idea(!) Except we don't HAVE a talking stick.

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We could use this rolled-up magazine.

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HE BLOWS A FANFARE

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Just get it off your chest, Dani.

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Tell Sam everything that's been annoying you.

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Leave nothing unsaid.

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I hate that Sam thinks her science project's the most important thing.

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And that you stand with your head on your shoulder - it looks sappy.

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I do NOT do that.

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What are you doing, Sam?

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She's hogging the stick.

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I haven't finished yet.

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-Give me that!

-Get off!

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GLASS SMASHES

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I'm sure this never happens to Native Americans.

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DRUMS POUND

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Big Chief Smells Like Coyote?

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I broke another talking stick.

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That's the fourth one!

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What have you been doing, Screams Like Little Girl?

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-Playing catch.

-They don't grow on trees.

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-Technically, they do.

-Don't argue. I am the chief.

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Yes, Chief. Sorry, Chief.

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-Throw that broken stick away.

-You got it, Chiefy!

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Oh! Boomerang.

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Sorry.

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First my mum's shoes, now the window.

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Is there anything else you want to break before I kick you out?!

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You don't have to kick me out cos I'm leaving.

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It's stuck.

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It's not stuck - it's locked, from the outside!

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Max manipulated us. He's locked the door.

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He could be up to anything out there.

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Max, let us out.

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Ah, sweet music to my ears.

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All finished, Max. Your theme park is ready for its grand opening.

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And you followed my EXACT specifications?

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-To the letter. An idiot could have done it.

-Indeed, he has.

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Well done, Ben. Hand me my giant novelty scissors.

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The discovery of fire, man landing on the moon,

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the invention of the microwave pizza.

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Today, another defining moment in human history.

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I give you MaxWorld.

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Bravo! Bravo, Sir.

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Last one to the spinning tea cups is a monkey-face!

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Step aside, ladies. Jack will get you out of here.

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What are you doing?

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Trying to squeeze under to unlock it from the other side.

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And you think that's going to work?!

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Now that you mention it...

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-We wouldn't be here if you hadn't spilt chemicals.

-We wouldn't be here

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-if you didn't wind up your brother.

-It's my fault?!

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To a degree, yes.

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And they're off again.

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THEY ARGUE

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Humans can be so aggressive and argumentative.

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Our species are so evolved, I can say I've never had an argument.

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Well, there was that one time we had an argument.

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When have I had an argument with you?

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-Remember, that time.

-What time?!

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-You know.

-I don't know!

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-I remember it.

-I've never had an argument!

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-Have.

-Haven't.

-Have.

-Haven't.

-Have.

-Haven't.

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HAVEN'T! HAVEN'T!

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HAVEN'T! I have never had an argument with you, ever!

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SMOKE HISSES

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Apart from the argument we just had...

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QUIET!

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Whee!

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-That was brilliant.

-Whee!

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Ben, the ride's finished.

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What will we go on next?

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-Revolvotron.

-I'll start it up.

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-Ready, Max?

-Ready!

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-How was it?

-I feel dizzy, confused. I think I'm going to chuck-up.

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In other words, it was awesome.

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Do it again, only faster this time.

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Or we could try one of the other rides, like the Slam Riser.

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Oh, wait, the Slam Riser has a minimum height restriction.

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You built a ride in my very own theme park

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that I'm not tall enough to go on?!

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DOOR BELL RINGS

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-Who's that?

-Your parents?

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They're not due back for hours.

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-Then it's the people I gave MaxWorld tickets to.

-You did what?!

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-I knew you'd be pleased.

-Does this face look pleased?!

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Um... Can I get another clue?

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It's NOT pleased. It's anything BUT pleased.

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I thought MaxWorld would be more fun if we shared it.

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You always get me to share things with you -

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my lunch, my pocket money.

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MaxWorld is different. It's for my OWN personal fun,

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and to a lesser extent, yours too.

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How can we enjoy it if we have to queue for our OWN rides?

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DOOR BELL RINGS

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I've done another silly, haven't I?

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There's been a misunder...

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THEY CHEER

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Be careful. Those Dodgems aren't meant to be treated like that.

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-Ben, do something!

-Like what?!

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-Anything!

-Anything?

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HE CLUCKS

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What are you doing?

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The Funky Chicken. You usually love my dances.

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How will the Funky Chicken get rid of these no-goods?!

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You told me to do anything.

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I thought it'd take your mind off this disaster.

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CRASHING

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Yeah?

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Get your friends and get out of my theme park.

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Why? What are you going to do?

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You don't know who you're messing with.

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I'm Max and I'm... "the man" around here.

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You're the man, are you?

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Yes, that's me.

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I'm the man.

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Who am I to stop "the man" from having fun(?)

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Guys, the man here wants his theme park back.

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What do you say we give him a go in the Chamber of Spheres?

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LAUGHTER

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I think there may be rather too many balls in this Chamber of Spheres.

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And I'd like to get out, please.

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Let's go and ride the Haunted Railroad...and then smash it up.

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Max, are you OK?

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Ben! Oh, thank goodness. You have to get me out of here.

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I've never had anyone turn on me before.

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I feel like... I feel like...

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how you must feel when I boss you around.

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I promise if you get me out, I'll make it up to you somehow.

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-Really?

-You're my best friend.

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From now on, we'll be equals.

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Cool. So how are we going to get rid of the tough kids?

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We need someone with good people skills and who's bigger than us.

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If only we knew someone like that.

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-What about Jack?

-You're a genius.

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I can't believe I've underestimated you all this time.

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What is going on out there?!

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Mum and Dad are going to do their nut.

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I've written SOS on this paper plane.

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Someone might find it and rescue us.

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There's someone at the bus stop.

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-It's going.

-It's going.

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-It's been caught by a gust of wind.

-Look out!

-It's coming back.

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Ow!

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Jack, you plum!

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I don't know why we thought you could patch things up.

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It isn't easy being in a cat-fight.

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-This is more than just a cat-fight.

-You don't know

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how serious this is.

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You swan around with your head in the clouds.

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I've seen mould cultures smarter than you.

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What does the D in DJ stand for, dumb?

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All right, let's never speak to each other again.

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In fact, you don't have to look at me.

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-Fine.

-Good.

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I don't believe it.

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Is this...

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Narnia?

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Mr Tumnus?

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Yes?

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It's not Narnia. It's the landing outside Dani's bedroom,

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obviously, and this is my dear friend and hero, Ben,

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not Mr Tumnus.

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Although my bottom half is very hairy.

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I built a secret door into Dani's room.

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That's how Max is always able to steal Dani's stuff.

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Dani won't be happy when she finds out.

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She won't because you won't tell her.

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We rescued you so you owe us a favour.

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You locked us in there.

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We could have kept you there forever. In my compassion, I let you out.

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Now you'll repay that kindness by helping us.

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Besides, do you want to help a girl who called you dumb?

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-You heard that?

-I thought it was terribly unfair.

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You're right. Why should I help them?

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OK, what do you want me to do?

0:18:250:18:28

SHOUTING

0:18:280:18:31

So...you want me to go in there and ask them to leave?

0:18:330:18:38

You're the one with the people skills.

0:18:380:18:41

I only know how to annoy people.

0:18:410:18:43

Now, go. Work your magic.

0:18:430:18:46

Ow! You got it.

0:18:460:18:48

Guys...

0:18:520:18:53

Can we... Can we just...

0:18:530:18:56

GUYS!

0:18:560:18:57

Now, I know you must all have had a lot of fun today,

0:18:590:19:04

but you guys have got to leave.

0:19:040:19:06

Who are you?

0:19:060:19:07

The person that wants you to go. If you don't go

0:19:070:19:10

this instant, I'm afraid there are going to be some very...

0:19:100:19:14

very...serious consequences.

0:19:140:19:18

So if you'd all kindly be on your way.

0:19:190:19:24

Stop this! Or you'll regret it.

0:19:290:19:33

Why, what are you going to do?

0:19:330:19:36

Nothing. You'll just regret it. You'll feel really bad about it.

0:19:360:19:41

Hit it.

0:19:440:19:45

HE WHIMPERS

0:19:450:19:48

I guess getting Jack to help didn't exactly work.

0:19:520:19:56

JACK WHIMPERS

0:19:560:19:59

This has been a terrible mistake, Ben.

0:20:000:20:03

I'm smart, but I'm not smart enough to get out of this one.

0:20:030:20:06

If only we knew someone smarter than you.

0:20:060:20:08

BOTH: SAM!

0:20:100:20:11

Jack?

0:20:130:20:15

Jack? Come on, we get the joke.

0:20:150:20:19

He must have found a way to escape.

0:20:190:20:21

He escaped and didn't rescue us?!

0:20:210:20:23

Why would he after what you said to him?

0:20:230:20:25

Trust you to blame me and not take any responsibility.

0:20:250:20:28

Jack?

0:20:280:20:31

Jack, are you in here?

0:20:320:20:34

Sam?

0:20:440:20:46

Oh, great(!) She's escaped too.

0:20:460:20:49

You built a secret door into Dani's room?

0:20:500:20:52

-I've got a problem.

-I already know that.

0:20:520:20:56

The kind of problem that's too big for me to handle.

0:20:560:20:59

I need your help.

0:20:590:21:00

You're coming to ME for help?!

0:21:000:21:02

It's been that kind of a topsy-turvy day.

0:21:030:21:06

Me and Max are even equals now.

0:21:060:21:08

Ben, do you even know what "equals" means?

0:21:080:21:11

I know I don't know what it doesn't mean.

0:21:110:21:13

Sam, I need someone as smart as me,

0:21:130:21:16

but with maturity and responsibility to back it up.

0:21:160:21:19

Please, I'm desperate. I need your genius.

0:21:190:21:22

OK.

0:21:250:21:27

What do you want me to do?

0:21:270:21:30

CHEERING

0:21:300:21:33

Special prize if you get her on the nose!

0:21:360:21:39

-What do we do now, Max?

-This is a nightmare, Ben.

0:21:390:21:42

I've never had to unscheme one of my own schemes before.

0:21:420:21:45

We need an expert in outscheming you.

0:21:450:21:48

I never dreamt I would say this, but we need...

0:21:480:21:51

Dani!

0:21:510:21:53

What kind of person drives their best friends away?!

0:21:570:22:00

I'm history's greatest monster.

0:22:000:22:02

DOOR OPENS

0:22:020:22:04

Max!

0:22:040:22:06

-You're letting me go?

-I need your help.

0:22:060:22:08

-I need you to do the one thing you do better than anyone else.

-Sing? Act?

0:22:080:22:14

I need you to ruin one of my schemes.

0:22:140:22:16

What?!

0:22:160:22:18

Ow! Ow!

0:22:180:22:21

Oh. Ow.

0:22:210:22:24

Ow!

0:22:240:22:25

JACK WHIMPERS

0:22:260:22:29

OK, I'll help.

0:22:290:22:31

BUT I want one thing in return.

0:22:310:22:34

What do you want? I'll do anything,

0:22:340:22:37

a foot massage, a piggyback to the cinema,

0:22:370:22:39

the location of my secret practical joke stash.

0:22:390:22:41

I want YOU to give me an apology.

0:22:410:22:44

You can't! You beast! You know that's the one thing I can never give you.

0:22:440:22:50

Do it or I'll call Mum and Dad and tell them what's been going on.

0:22:500:22:53

I think I'm going to faint.

0:22:530:22:55

I'm waiting, Max.

0:22:550:22:58

OK, Dani, I'm... I'm...

0:22:580:23:01

Oh, I can't do it. My mouth won't make the words.

0:23:010:23:04

Fine. I'll just call Mum and Dad and...

0:23:040:23:08

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

0:23:080:23:12

I'm sorry for locking you in your bedroom

0:23:120:23:14

and turning the house into a theme park.

0:23:140:23:16

I'm sorry. Please, forgive me. I'm sorry.

0:23:160:23:19

I'm so, so sorry!

0:23:190:23:21

Dirty! Dirty! Unclean!

0:23:230:23:26

Unclean!

0:23:260:23:28

-Works for me.

-And me.

0:23:280:23:32

CHEERING

0:23:320:23:34

Hello, everyone! I come in peace.

0:23:370:23:40

Ah, well, if it ain't the big man.

0:23:400:23:43

What's up, big man?

0:23:430:23:45

Had so much fun last time, you've come back for more?

0:23:450:23:49

Yes. Um, anyhow, I have an offer.

0:23:490:23:51

I'm listening.

0:23:510:23:52

I'm throwing in the towel. I admit defeat.

0:23:520:23:55

That's hardly news.

0:23:550:23:56

No, but I want you to have my park.

0:23:560:23:58

I've drawn up a contract offering you ownership of MaxWorld.

0:23:580:24:02

We ALREADY own MaxWorld, you prawn.

0:24:020:24:05

But this would make it legal.

0:24:050:24:06

You could remake it in your own image, rename it after yourself.

0:24:060:24:10

Bradleyland - I like the sound of that.

0:24:100:24:13

Max, you can't do this.

0:24:130:24:15

-Shut it, Treacle!

-Wha...!

0:24:150:24:18

All you have to do is sign here and the park is yours.

0:24:180:24:21

There we are. Congratulations.

0:24:240:24:27

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:24:270:24:29

Seeing as you are the new owner of MaxWorld and this entire house,

0:24:290:24:33

you'd better answer your front door.

0:24:330:24:35

Good day. I'm looking for the legal owner of MaxWorld.

0:24:420:24:45

That would be Bradley.

0:24:450:24:47

Good. I'm Valerie Huffandpuff from the department of health and safety.

0:24:470:24:51

We've had a few complaints that the rides in your park

0:24:510:24:54

aren't entirely safe.

0:24:540:24:55

Wait a minute. I didn't build this place. These two did.

0:24:550:24:58

Actually, my associate Ben did. He tried his best,

0:24:580:25:03

but most of the rides are incredibly dangerous.

0:25:030:25:05

CRASHING AND SCREAMING

0:25:050:25:08

See what I mean? This place is lethal.

0:25:080:25:10

-Hang on. Wait a minute...

-This is deeply troubling.

0:25:100:25:13

I'm afraid, Mr Bradley,

0:25:130:25:15

that your theme park is in violation of local government health

0:25:150:25:18

and safety code 47953, subsection B

0:25:180:25:21

and I must present you with this fine of £100,000

0:25:210:25:24

payable by the end of the week.

0:25:240:25:26

-This has to be a mistake.

-No mistake, Bradley.

0:25:260:25:28

It clearly states here that you are the legal owner of MaxWorld.

0:25:280:25:33

The small print states you're responsible for what happens here.

0:25:330:25:37

Stuff it. You can keep your theme park.

0:25:370:25:39

You're still legally obliged...

0:25:390:25:41

Guys, we've got to go. Now!

0:25:410:25:43

I knew I could rely on you, Dani.

0:25:510:25:52

You really are the world's biggest spoilsport.

0:25:520:25:55

Come on, Ben. Let's celebrate the foiling of our scheme.

0:25:550:25:58

-After you, Ben.

-A boy could get used to this.

0:25:580:26:01

Everything's back to normal.

0:26:080:26:10

Mum and Dad will never know anything happened.

0:26:100:26:13

-How are you guys feeling?

-Bruised.

0:26:130:26:16

-Dizzy.

-But glad we're friends again.

0:26:160:26:19

I can't believe this started over a pair of shoes.

0:26:190:26:22

The shoes!

0:26:220:26:24

I completely forgot. I might have time to pop into town

0:26:240:26:27

and get a new pair before Mum gets back.

0:26:270:26:29

At least let me pay for them.

0:26:290:26:31

I spilled the chemicals and it's the least I can do.

0:26:310:26:34

Thanks. I'm really sorry I called you a geek.

0:26:340:26:37

-I'm sorry for what I said to you.

-Jack, I'm sorry. You're not dumb.

0:26:370:26:42

HE GROANS

0:26:420:26:44

I'm enjoying being your equal, Max.

0:26:440:26:46

Absolutely. We should have done this years ago.

0:26:460:26:49

It's good to be on the same level.

0:26:490:26:51

Couldn't say it better myself. More crisps, please.

0:26:510:26:54

Hand me some cherryade.

0:26:590:27:01

Don't push it, Max.

0:27:010:27:02

-Can I have some cherryade, please, my equal friend?

-Better.

0:27:020:27:07

I do hate it when our Dani's House friends fight.

0:27:100:27:13

I'm back.

0:27:130:27:14

How was Weasel World? Were the rides as terrifying as I'd warned you?

0:27:140:27:18

If not more so, Co-ordinator.

0:27:180:27:20

People are stumbling off them in a daze.

0:27:200:27:23

There were emergency trauma centres set up by the ride exits.

0:27:230:27:26

I've never seen such wanton devastation.

0:27:260:27:29

Maybe next time you'll listen and stay away from theme parks.

0:27:290:27:32

Are you kidding?! I had the best time ever.

0:27:320:27:35

-You did?!

-The humans mistook me for Winkie Weasel's cartoon friend.

0:27:350:27:39

I spent the whole day posing for photographs. See!

0:27:390:27:43

I had such a good time, I bought us both annual season tickets. Yay!

0:27:450:27:51

Let's go back tomorrow!

0:27:510:27:52

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

0:27:550:28:00

# Let's lift these chains

0:28:000:28:02

# Let's rock this wave right out to sea

0:28:020:28:07

# I will be breaking free! #

0:28:070:28:12

Max contrives to lock Dani, Sam and Jack in Dani's bedroom so they can sort out their differences, but it's all just a plot so he can take over the house and turn it into his very own theme park. When some local bullies arrive and start throwing their weight around, Max is forced to enlist the help of Dani and her friends to get rid of them.


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