Queen of Pranks Dani's House

Coordinator Zark! Coordinator Zark!

-Something terrible has happened!

-What is it?

-It's my face! Look!

-I have a wrinkle.

-You've got a wrinkle!

-I know, that's what I said!

That means you're old, and as an old person, of course,

you know you can't go street dancing any more.

What? But I'm a street dancing champion!

Check out my moves!

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

-CRACK!

-Ow! Ow!

From now on, it's a mug of hot cocoa, a warm blanket

and bed before nine.

-Oh, and no more Dani's House.

-What?! Why?

Because, Granddad, Dani's House is too exciting.

From now on, it's repeats of Songs Of Intergalactical Praise for you.

Ha-ha-ha!

Hey, guys! My name's Dani, and this...

-Is her best friend Jack!

-Thanks. My name's Dani, and this...

-Is her brother Max!

-And his best friend, Ben!

As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this...

-Is her friend Ruby!

-And I'm her sister Maisy!

And I'm Dani, and this is the brilliant...

THEY TALK OVER ONE ANOTHER

WHISTLE BLOWS

THEY LAUGH

"And then Nurse Woodmagnet plunges into a treacherous lake

"in search of the life-saving medicine

"which is hidden at the bottom of the ocean."

Guys, this episode is going to be amazing!

-Dani! You all right?

-What are you doing?

-Me? Nothing.

Actually, I'd best be off.

-Jack!

-Sorry, Dani.

Bit of a cash flow problem. I can't afford any food!

Oh, you should have said. Eat anything you like.

-You're in a good mood.

-Sure am!

Zarina has given me an amazing new story line

for the next episode of McHurties!

This is really going to take me places, Jack.

Honestly, I can feel it. Today McHurties, tomorrow Mc...Hollywood.

That's weird. Why didn't Zarina give the new story line to Nurse Thorne?

Come on, Sophie is the best actress.

Ah, Sophie!

# Everybody in love Go on, put your hands up... #

Jack!

Oh, sorry. Don't worry, you're the second best!

You can't just turn up and get the good story lines straightaway!

I've been at McHurties for years!

-Sophie's only been around for five minutes!

-Ah, Sophie!

# Everybody in love

# Go on, put your hands up... #

Right, this is unacceptable.

-Jack. Jack!

-Hmm?

DOORBELL RINGS

SHE SIGHS

-Oh!

-Hi, Dani!

-What?

-I think it was "Hi, Dani."

-Been for a run.

"Been for a run." She is preparing for the decathlon competition.

A decathlon?

Discus! Javelin!

She said, "Jack, give Maisy £20 because she's such a great person."

No, I said this.

"Fun-filled fitness competition for the freakishly fanatical

"fans of fitness." Means the world to me.

Plus, the best person wins an all-expenses-paid trip to Timbuktu!

Wow!

-Morning, everyone.

-When did you get here?

-Max and I had a sleepover.

-Ben, Max doesn't live here any more.

-He doesn't?

Oh, yeah. My mistake.

I guess it was just me, then!

Anyway, Dani. I need a favour.

My grandma Judith's coming round to take me to the decathlon.

-Can she hang out here till then?

-Yeah!

We've never had a grandma in the house.

-Will she bake us loads of cakes?

-Oh, I love baking!

-Actually...

-Listen to classical music.

-I think you'll find...

I love classical music too! She'll love me!

Don't grans knit loads of woolly jumpers?

-The thing is, our gran...

-She'll love me! I'm a knitting champion.

I won gold at the Knitting Olympics.

Welcome to the gold medal event here at the Knitting Olympics.

The competitors are on the grid, and we are ready to start.

The red lights are coming on. When they go out, we will be racing.

Knit, knit, knit, knit, knit!

Oh, just look at them go! Grandpa Ben is getting ahead.

Just look at those knitting skills!

Grandma Dani is not letting this one go!

Look at how quick she's knitting. But Grandma Ruby is losing it!

She's thrown in what looks like it should have been a towel!

Look at this! Out of nowhere, from the back of the pack,

Grandma Maisy seems to be ahead! Is she going to win this race?

This knitting is going very, very, ridiculously fast!

Wait. Hey, why is it coming in this direction? OK. No, please!

Stop knitting now! OK, Grandma Maisy, you can stop! Stop! Oh!

Can someone stop her knitting, now!

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it! This'll be Ruby's grandma.

-I'm Judith.

-And?

-GRANDMA Judith.

A grandma? Yeah, good one. See you.

-Gran!

-Ruby! Oh, and Maisy! Oh, darling!

-This is your gran?

-Yep.

-Grandma, this is my friend Jack.

-You don't look much like a grandma.

-Ha!

-Ah! Or act like one. You're into classical music, though, right?

Nah! Tinie Tempah's way better.

# Written in the stars A million miles away... #

Excuse me, how about knitting?

I have never knitted in my life!

Now, time for your presents.

First, for you, Ruby.

-A state-of-the-art 3-D vision goggles MP3 player!

-Aaaah!

Now you can watch TV while you're jogging!

-How would you see where you're jogging?

-Who cares? This is cool!

-Right, what's my present?

-I bought you an...

Xbox!

-Xbox. Eggs in a box?

-You've been pranked! That's my present to you!

You know I'm the queen of pranks!

Not for long!

I hereby challenge you to a prank-off.

Bring it on.

You will never have my crown, Maisy.

SHE GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY

-You've got to help me beat her!

-No way! She hasn't pranked me,

so why would I want to prank her? I'm out of here.

When do I start?

Yes, Zarina?

You're fired. Hurry up!

Erm, wow, that was harsh!

If I ask for a skinny-fattish banana milkshake, I don't expect strawberry.

I just want to say how grateful I am for this story line.

-And so you should be.

-Just one thing, though.

-You know when I'm meant to swim in the treacherous lake?

-Yes?

Could I have a stunt double?

I wouldn't want to get Nurse Woodmagnet's new hairdo wet.

Dani, I don't do diva demands.

Oh, no, that's not what I meant.

-Hey, Zarina!

-Oh, Sophie, darling!

-Call me Zee.

-OK, Zee!

Anyway, I just wanted to ask you something.

Can I have vanilla candles with a hint of lemon zest

-in my dressing room?

-Yeah, good luck with that!

Of course you can, darling. Anything for you!

Now, make sure you read your scripts later.

I may just have some great story lines for you!

And that's me speechless!

Hiya, D. Everything OK?

No, Jack. Everything is not OK.

Sophie and Zarina have become best mates all of a sudden.

She even calls her Zee! It's like I'm invisible.

I know what this is all about!

Sophie is trying to steal my amazing story lines.

No, Sophie isn't like that.

-She's kind and she's sweet and she's got lovely hair.

-Jack!

-Where's all my food gone?

-Like I said, cash flow problems. I'm skint!

Hang on. Why don't you become a runner on McHurties?

-Our last one got fired.

-I don't want to be a runner.

-I hate exercise.

-But then you can see that I'm right about Sophie.

She is trying to steal my story line!

OK. Well, if Sophie'll be there!

Ah, Sophie!

# Everybody in love Go on put your hands up... #

What?

Listen up, Private Benjamin! It's time for Operation WTCOQOPFGJ!

-Operation what?

-Win The Crown Of Queen Of Pranks From Grandma Judith.

-Obviously!

-Obviously.

-So, for plan A, all we need is this.

Gasp!

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

All we have to do is leave the tray here. The perfect trap!

-What?

-Shhh!

-Sorry.

-Shhh! Will you pass me that?

DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES

Right, that's enough!

Go and listen to your music somewhere else!

I need to train in peace.

-That trip to Timbuktu is not going to win itself!

-Oh, Ruby.

Learn to have some fun, won't you?

JUDITH: Ahhh!

BOTH: It's worked! Yes!

SPLAT!

Nice try, Maisy, but you're going to have to do better than that

if you're going to out-prank the queen of pranks!

Ha-ha-ha!

-IN A HIGH VOICE:

-Hi!

-CLEARS THROAT:

-Er, hi, Sophie.

Hi.

# Everybody in love... #

Have I got something on my nose?

Jack, why are you wearing that?

Oh, I'm a runner.

Not that kind of runner, you fool! You get me stuff. Do as I shout.

Firstly, get me some banoffee pie.

Then hand these script changes to Dani and here's your walkie-talkie.

Oh, pretty! Banoffee pie for Zarina.

I repeat, banoffee pie for Zarina.

Script from Zarina. I repeat, script from Zarina.

See what I mean? Look at her, laughing at Zarina's lame-o jokes.

She's such a suck-up.

-I really don't think so.

-What?

Dani, I haven't been a runner for all these years

without being able to tell

when someone's being a little bit jealous.

Anyway, back to work. Jack is back to work.

I repeat, Jack is back to work!

So, what's changed in the script, then?

What?!

Nurse Thorne now jumps in the lake to find the life-saving medicine?

She has stolen my story line!

CLAP-CLAP!

Stand by for a take!

Cameraman!

Running!

Scene 27, take one.

And...action!

Nurse Thorne, I require your assistance in the surgery room.

We're going to attempt some groundbreaking surgery.

-Right away, Dr Rugburn.

-Don't worry, Nurse Thorne. I've got this.

No, I've got this.

But you need me to assist you, don't you, Dr Rugburn?

No, he's fine with me. I'm in the next scene, not you!

-You stole my part!

-Cut!

-What on Earth are you doing, Dani?

-You gave my story line to Sophie!

Because you were being a diva! "Oh, I don't want to get my hair wet!"

Well, I haven't got time for that, so I gave it to Sophie.

SHE doesn't complain. Come on, Sophie.

We need to teach Maisy a lesson. Trying to make ME step in glue?

She won't get away with that.

Come on, Gran. I know you don't like acting your own age,

but that doesn't mean you have to act Maisy's age instead.

JUDITH SOBS

Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just let her get the better of me.

Me, a little old lady!

I might as well just throw in the towel and give up.

I'm just too old and vulnerable.

Oh, don't play the "poor old grandma" card, Grandma.

Well, if you won't help me,

you could always run the hundred miles to your decathlon competition!

I can't do that, I'll be out of breath before I've even started!

Fine! What do I do?

BOTH: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Grandma Judith is so very cunning!

Pranking looks like great fun.

Coordinator, like you said, my poor legs hurt so very much.

-Could you get me some Galactican syrup?

-No, get it yourself!

-I'm sorry, I'm just so old!

-All right, then!

Why is it always me?

-Oh.

-There.

Erm, I'd love some marshmallows with it, but my poor feet!

OK, I'll get them.

If your feet weren't so big, they probably wouldn't hurt.

And that delicious thing the humans eat up, squirty cream?

-I'm so old!

-Fine!

You know, being old isn't all that bad!

Oh, I'm sorry, my hand slipped! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha!

Push me?

This must be another prank!

I bet you Gran thinks if it says "push me",

I'll do the opposite and not push it, so I'm going to push it instead.

I've no idea what you just said.

See? Nothing happened.

GURGLING

SPLAT!

Where did that come from?

Ben, no!

Oh, that's where that came from!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Grandma!

-Oh, this is going straight online! It'll be a sensation!

"The queen of pranks strikes again!" Ha-ha-ha-ha!

CACKLING

Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble.

ALL: Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

-Add a bat.

-A tiny, wee gnat.

-Some raven eggs.

-Two frog's legs.

-Six bugs.

And some mugs!

THEY CACKLE

Mugs?

Whit? At least it rhymed.

Jack!

-HE PANTS

-Still on it!

I can't handle this any more, Dani.

I'm so busy doing stuff for Zarina, I haven't even had time to eat!

Jack, I've been thinking, and this is hard for me to say,

-but I think you were right.

-Right about what?

Me and Nurse Thorne. I was jealous. I've been really horrible to Sophie.

Jack! One minute, 30 seconds left!

What have I become? I've got to put this right.

-Sophie.

-Yes, Dani?

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about all the horrible things

I said about you.

I was jealous. You and Zarina get on so well.

Yes, but you're her favourite, everyone knows that.

And we all look up to you.

Really?

How would you like to, you know, maybe hang out at mine after work?

With you?

-That sounds great!

-How's six o'clock?

-Yep, see you at six!

See? I'm not a diva. Now go away, little people.

I need to be left alone.

Just kidding!

Right, we've got to get ready.

Sophie's coming round. I'm determined to make it up to her..

-HE SNORES

-Jack!

-JACK!

-Agh!

That was THE most exhausting day of my life.

-Please don't make me go back there, Dani.

-What's in the bag?

-Er, nothing.

I know what you're thinking...

but I did not take this food from the McHurties set.

OK, I did take all this food from the McHurties set. Sorry.

Look, never mind that.

-when Sophie comes round, I want you to, er, you know...

-I really don't.

-Well, just make me look really nice.

-Don't think I could.

Well, it can't be THAT hard.

Then Sophie might put in a good word for me with Zarina,

as they're such great mates, then she might give me a good story line.

-Not that that's the reason why I'm doing this.

-Yeah, sure.

Right, come on. I want to make a good impression,

and what better way than a smoothie?

-You're making a smoothie?

-No, YOU'RE making one.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-She's here.

Everything's ready for the prank to end all pranks.

-We've got her now and the crown is mine.

-Genius, Maisy!

-Hey, Dani.

-Hi, Sophie. Come on through.

Good to see you.

You look great, by the way.

Thanks. Er, so do you.

Here you go - two delicious smoothies.

Dani's really, really nice.

That's, er...good to know.

Ugh! What is in this?!

That's disgusting. What did you put in it?

-# Everybody in love... #

-Jack?

I give up.

Ah, Maisy!

Ben.

Ben!

BEN!

Right. This is it.

All you have to do is slyly get Grandma in to the living room.

It'd be too obvious if I did it. Good work, soldier.

Aye-aye, Captain. Ow!

Look, Sophie, I know I've already apologised but...

I want you to know how awful I feel about what happened.

I was SUCH a diva.

I don't know what came over me. Now I see we've got a lot in common.

-Thanks.

-And you have my word -

I will never to anything underhand to you, ever again.

SHE SHRIEKS

JACK: Dani, what have you done?!

I am so sorry, Sophie. I don't know what happened.

-You must think I was born yesterday.

-What?!

-You did this deliberately.

-No, of course not.

-Zarina's right - you're just a diva,

out to do anything to get the best story lines.

I didn't do anything.

-No. But

-I

-think I know who did. Maisy-Lazy.

WHIRRING

Oh, no!

LET ME OUT!

Didn't I warn you? I'm still the queen of pranks.

Always have been, always will be.

SHE CACKLES

I've had enough, Ben. She's just too good. I can't compete.

Fair enough, Maisy. Let's call it a day. We'll let her win.

-Is that all you've got?

-What? I think you're right. She is too good.

You're my wingman - you should give a rousing speech, not accept defeat.

Well...

Maisy, never give up.

Did Harry Potter give up when he tried to defeat you know who?

I don't think so. I know you can do it. You're a genius, Maisy. The best.

We need to fight on. Beat the queen of pranks at her own game.

You can defeat her! You're the best prankster there is.

That crown should be yours!

-How was that?

-Ben...let's get pranking!

-Sorry about accusing you, Dani.

-It's OK. She forgives you. Who wouldn't?

Don't worry about it.

Imagine Zarina's face if it was her trapped in that sofa!

-She would've been so angry.

-I know! She's not the best boss, is she?

She's the worst boss there is!

-Have you ever noticed how her feet smell like...

-BOTH: Mouldy cheese!

-Are you ready?

-I was born ready.

OK, here's the plan.

You jump out of this little baby and splatter her ALL OVER!

Let's go.

-You should've seen her face.

-No!

-Gran!

I'm sorry about this whole pranking war. You were always the queen.

-I don't know why I challenged you.

-Really?

-Absolutely.

So let's just say that you win

and we'll never prank each other ever again.

Ah...what's in it for you?

-Nothing. I just want this whole thing to be over.

-Well, what's that?

What's what?

Oh! I forgot.

Made a present for you, just to say I'm sorry.

Ha! Wow!

-What a cake.

-Maisy, Maisy, Maisy. Do you think I know nothing?

The old cake-in-the-face trick? It was my first prank.

So, what kind is it? Exploding, or... No, let me think.

Ben jumps out and splatters me in the face with it. So old school!

Mind you... Mm. Mm!

I do like a bit of cream. Mm. Where is he?

He must be in there somewhere. Mm!

You'd have to get up early to catch me out.

Oh.

Oh, you wanted me in the cake?

Ben!

-Ben, you're a genius!

-Huh?

You know, Grandma, you're right.

I want people to splatter you.

But if I could make you splatter yourself?

-I won! I'm the queen of pranks.

-Ooh, that makes me the king!

Mm.

Morning!

Oh, someone's in a good mood.

Of course I am. Sophie and I got on really well.

-Ah!

-I'm sure she'll put in a good word for me with Zarina.

Big story lines, here I come!

DOORBELL RINGS

BANGING ON DOOR

-You are in big trouble, missy.

-What?! What have I done?

-Horrible boss, am I? The worst person to work for ever?

-What?!

-And you think I smell of mouldy cheese, do you?

-No!

I know you do. Sophie's told me the horrible things you said about me.

-You don't understand! I was joking!

-Oh! Very funny! Not.

At least I have one professional brilliant actress - Sophie.

-I don't know why I give you such good story lines.

-She said it, not me!

Ouch. Why did you say those things?

You were there! You know I was joking.

And Sophie said it too.

I can't believe she told Zarina.

She wants to be her favourite.

She did deliberately steal my story line.

-I can't believe she'd do that.

-I need to prove it to Zarina.

And I know just who can help. Come on!

And you want me to help?

-Well, you are the queen of pranks.

-And I'm the king.

So, please can you help me?

Help me what?

Help me, your highness, O queen of pranks.

Then I agree.

BOTH: Thanks, Maisy... queen of pranks.

Dismissed.

-Right, you know what we have to do, Ben?

-No.

Time to call for back-up.

Hello, back-up?

Hi, Sophie.

-Is Zarina not happy with you?

-Not particularly.

She doesn't like being called a horrible boss

-or told she smells of cheese.

-Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, Dani.

So, have you got your walkie-talkie?

-Got my walkie-talkie. Repeat, got my...!

-Shh!

You have to get Sophie to admit

she tricked Dani into saying those things about Zarina.

I will secretly record it on my phone, play it to Zarina

and Bob's your uncle! Or Maisy's the queen of pranks.

-Simple.

-Doesn't sound simple.

-Shh! Now, go.

Why did you tell Zarina I said those things?

-You know we were both joking.

-I know, but...

I have to get the best story lines, Dani,

-and making you look bad is the best way to get them.

-But!

I'd do anything to get them,

even become best mates with the annoying Zarina.

Aha!

Caught red-handed.

What?!

ENGAGED TONE BLEEPS

Won't work!

Was that your attempt to catch me out? You failed again, Dani!

I don't think she did.

What are you talking about, Grandma?

Zee!

Dani's being mean to me...

Oh, stop it, Sophie. I heard everything you said,

thanks to this lady.

Mm-mm-hmm-hm!

SHE GASPS

Uh-oh...

Not so smug now, are we?

You are in big trouble, missy!

I can't thank you enough for doing that, Judith.

No problem.

Well, I quit. I've never worked so hard in my life.

Sophie isn't half as nice as on TV.

-Look, it's working!

-'..become best mates with the annoying Zarina.'

A bit late, don't you think, Maisy?

-You might have to give me that crown back.

-She's got a point.

OK, OK.

You win this time.

But the war isn't over yet.

Oh, I'll never give up pranking, Maisy.

But you do put up a good fight.

Maybe one day, you'll be the queen of pranks.

Right, Grandma, can you drive me to the competition now?

And no pranks on the way. SHE CHUCKLES

What? What have you done?

Nothing!

-You always do something.

-No, I don't!

-I know you've done something.

-I haven't!

Well? Come on, then, Gran, I'm waiting!

OK.

THEY LAUGH

Great.

Oh, what a fantastic episode!

I told you Dani's House is better than Songs Of Intergalactic Praise.

Hang on! We were wrong about old people!

-Being old doesn't mean you can't do anything.

-Yes, it does.

Well, Grandma Judith isn't lazy...

Hang on! You pranked me, didn't you?

No, of course not.

-Right, that's it!

-What are you doing?

-Time for me to get my revenge...

-What? No!

Noooooo!

I'll let him back in soon. If he's lucky! Ha-ha-ha!

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's rock this wave right out to sea

# I will be breaking free. #