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Ready, Gnasher? Let's go!
# Playing by the rules
# Is highly overrated
# Unstoppable, unstoppable, yeah!
# They can't hold us back
# We'll make the most of every second
# Unstoppable, unstoppable, yeah!
# After all is said and done
# Shout, "One for all and all for fun!"
# Nothing's going to bring us down today
# Open up your eyes The world outside is waiting. #
Ah, a beautiful Beano Town morning.
I can't wait to get to school and hand in my homework.
-A giant mutant bug!
It eats paper!
There's only one thing for it, even if it means sacrificing my homework.
And that's why I don't have my homework.
Bravo! Wonderful, wonderful.
Oh, don't clap. Dennis is clearly lying.
Yes, but with such verve and imagination!
Class, this is Mr Blake Midwinter.
He's an actor from the television.
Ah-ha! Yes, little boy.
You may have seen my acclaimed performance as Man in Park
in that crisps commercial.
HE CLEARS THROAT
Nay, squirrel! These are not for you to nibble on!
End of scene.
Mr Midwinter is going to help us with this year's school play.
That's right. Thank you, Mrs C. I'll take it from here.
We're doing Jack and the Beanstalk
and I do believe we've already found our Jack.
HE CLEARS THROAT
Surely the lead role should go to someone artistic.
And Dennis here clearly has a wild flair for dramatic improvisation.
I have what now?
He says you have wild hair for drastic improvement.
Hey! I'm not brushing my hair for anyone!
Sorry, Mr Midwinter, but I'm out.
Oh, sadness! No!
Your words strike like arrows at my heart.
Oh, well, the show must go on.
Auditions are tomorrow lunch time.
But I must warn you, the rehearsals will be very demanding
and mean missing a lot of lessons.
Miss lessons? Wait! I'm in again!
Huzzah! A star is born!
Like you said, the show must go on.
There are still plenty of parts to audition for and Headmaster De Testa
has very kindly insisted on helping me choose the rest of the cast.
Next, we have Angel-Face De Testa reading for the Princess.
Oh, no! Here comes the giant! Jack, look out!
Such poise! Such grace!
A perfect princess.
I don't believe we need to see anyone else for the role.
OK, everybody, let's rehearse.
Curly and Pie-Face are the giant.
Angel-Face is the Princess, Walter is the bean seller
and Dennis is our fearless Jack.
-Please, not autographs.
Now in this extremely moving scene,
Jack is with one of these most important characters in the play.
-The bean seller!
No. I mean Jack's cow,
but who should play the cow?
Who should play the cow?
Come on. Come on. You both look marvellous in that costume.
This isn't even a cow. It's a horse.
Yes, but the magic of theatre will make the audience
believe it's a cow.
I'm not doing it.
There's a funny smell in there.
Ah, yes. That may be me.
It's cabbage Thursday in the canteen, you see.
I've got a much better idea than that mouldy old costume.
-Huh? Gnash! Gnash!
Presenting Jack's cow.
-A dog can't play a cow. It's...
Oh, yes. It's even better than a horse. It's playful, yet surprising.
It's very... It's very now.
I love it.
OK. Let's get the bean seller scene out of the way and then we can
move on to the big romantic finale where Jack kisses the Princess.
Right. I'll just... Hang on.
That sounded like you said something about kissing.
Oh, dear, Dennis. Haven't you read the script?
Page 30, "Jack gives the Princess a big kiss."
In front of the whole school!
Kiss a girl?! Eurgh!
Angel-Face, you don't want to kiss me!
I haven't had a bath in a week!
Of course I don't want to kiss you!
But the Beano Town Gazette are sending a photographer,
and if kissing you gets my picture on the front page then I'll do it...
and scrub my mouth afterwards.
Ha-ha! Everyone will see Dennis the Menace
smooching the headmaster's daughter!
Erm, Mr Midwinter? I'm having second thoughts about the play,
and third thoughts too, and they're both, "Arg!"
Well, of course, I can't force you to do the play, Dennis.
I knew you'd understand.
But if you do drop out...
I'll make sure you get double all the lessons you've missed.
So, what do we say?
The show must go on.
Dennis, what are you going to do?
If you... Urg!
..kiss a girl in front of everyone you'll never live it down.
I know, but Mr Midwinter won't let me give up the play.
Ah-ha! But it wouldn't be my fault if he kicked me out,
Morning, everyone. Places, please!
From the top of act two. Jack climbs the beanstalk and sees the Giant.
Look, the beans have grown into a huge beanstalk.
I told you they were magic.
Thank you, kind bean seller.
Oh, and don't forget to feed my cow - he must be hungry.
Fee-fi-fo-fum. I smell the blood of...
I'll defeat you, giant.
Sorry, Mr Midwinter.
I totally understand if you don't want me in the play any more,
so I'll just get going.
What are you talking about?
That was brilliant! So raw. So spontaneous.
So-so in the moment.
You know, you remind me of a young...me!
-OK. Now let's try the kissing scene.
Of course! Thanks, Gnasher.
OK. Pucker up, Angel-Face.
Just coming down with a bit of a cold.
Oh! Keeps your germs to yourself!
I need to look my best for the paparazzi.
Oh, no. Well, we don't want anyone getting sick before opening night.
Maybe we should skip the kissing scene for now.
Ha-ha! Good old fake snot.
That should keep me kiss-free till this is all over.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to Jack and the Beanstalk,
designed and directed by your humble servant Blake Midwinter.
Look, it's Man in Park from that crisp commercial.
Make sure you get a shot of the most talented actress - my daughter.
I'm Jack, a humble farmer boy, taking my cow to market.
I'll buy your cow for these magic beans.
I think you've had too many beans all ready.
Right. Just the kissing scene to go. Time for the fake snot.
Ha-ha! Oh. Erm...
Looking for this?
Now you'll have to kiss Angel-Face.
Only one thing for it.
-Yes, Curly. Operation Blackout.
No, not Operation Blackout!
-What is Operation Blackout?
Hurry up, Dennis!
Come on, Pie-Face.
Time for our big scene, and for me to get my picture in the paper.
You defeated the Giant and won the heart of the Princess.
Come on, Curly, don't let me down.
Oi! Oh, no, you don't!
Phew! That was close.
I escaped the kiss of shame...
Angel-Face got her picture in the paper...
And we got out of lessons.
I'd say the play was a big hit. Ha-ha!
Just not the kind Mr Midwinter wanted.
Ah! Ha! Hey!
-This is all your fault!
I bet he wishes the show hadn't gone on after all.
No, that's Menace Biz!
Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd