Episode 6 Dick and Dom's Hoopla


Episode 6

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Hoopla!

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# Fire up the van and hit the open road

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# We're putting on a show from a travelling abode

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# Fabulous feats that are crazy and colourful

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# Prepare to be amazed by the weird and the wonderful

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# Hoopla

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# Everybody shout Hoopla

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# All together now Hoopla

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# Everybody loves Hoopla

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# There'll be magic mayhem mystery suspense

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# Prizes surprises it's going to be immense

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# From Matlock to Margate Pontefract to Perth

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# It's simply going to be the greatest show on Earth

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# Hoopla

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# Everybody shout Hoopla

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# All together now Hoopla

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# Everybody loves Hoopla. #

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WIND WHISTLES

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TYRES SCREECH

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-Hoopla! AUDIENCE:

-Hoopla.

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APPLAUSE

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DRUM ROLL

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XYLOPHONE MUSIC

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SILENCE!

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COUGHING

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FANFARE AND APPLAUSE

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Hoopla!

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Hello, one and all, and welcome to the show!

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-This week coming to you live from the town of...

-Live-ish!

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From the town of Badsisters!

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CHEERS

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Welcome to the fairground!

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This week again, somebody's going to be leaving with the solid gold

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Hoopla trophy, and it's made out of solid gold chewing gum wrappers!

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-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Oh! And crank it up, Rodney!

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And we have got some of THE best acts on the planet

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for your delectation and delight.

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You're going to love Matt Pang...

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It looks like I'm going to fall on you... I am.

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We've also got Slightly Fat Features...

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You're all looking at us like this...

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And, ask your mum and dad about them, cos they're a great band,

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they're still with us, it's the Brotherhood Of Man!

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# Kisses for me

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# Save all your kisses for me... #

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But now, whatever you do, don't try and copy this next act.

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It's time to release the Disco Clown!

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APPLAUSE

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MUSIC: "Le Freak" by Chic

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# Freak out!

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# Have you heard about the new dance craze?

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# Listen to us, I'm sure you'll be amazed

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# Big fun to be had by everyone

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# Allow us, we'll show you the way

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# Oh, freak out! #

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MUSIC: "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson

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# Keep on with the force don't stop

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# Don't stop 'til you get enough

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# Keep on with the force don't stop

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# Don't stop 'til you get enough

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# Ooh! #

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MUSIC: "Stayin' Alive" by Bee Gees

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# Stayin' alive

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# Stayin' alive

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# Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'

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# And we're stayin' alive,

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# Stayin' alive

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# Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

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# Stayin' alive

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# Ah, ha, ha, ha... #

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MUSIC: "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps

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# Disco inferno

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# Burn baby burn

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# Burn that mama down

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# Burn baby burn

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# Disco inferno

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# Burn baby burn... #

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MUSIC: "Boogie Wonderland" by Earth, Wind and Fire

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# Dance

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# Boogie Wonderland

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# Hey, hey

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# Dance

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# Boogie Wonderland. #

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APPLAUSE

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Here. Come on! Ten seconds to tell us what you thought about that.

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That was amazing.

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Ha ha.

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That doesn't concern you! Don't look at that.

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-DICK MAKES CHOKING NOISES

-What else?

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Fantastic.

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Can someone tell me what's going on?

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Now it's time for this.

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The road to the Finaleval starts here.

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It's time for our first game - the Hand of Cackamanga!

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APPLAUSE

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One of these fine people could be winning another golden Hoopla hoop,

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as long as they keep away from the...

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BOTH: Hand of Cackamangaaaaa!

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Yes, all over my bulbous,

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swollen red hand is Dick's Cackamanga juice.

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Dick has been in the pantry for four hours,

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squeezing the Cackamanga fruit to provide you, the viewer,

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-with Cackamanga juice for this game.

-Lovely.

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If you get smeared with it, or marked by it, you're out, OK? Are you ready?

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ALL: Leave us alone!

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The last one standing wins.

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BOTH: Cackamanga!

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# Where's that splodgy hand going to land?

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# We don't know Ca-Cackamanga

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# Drive that dodgem till the sun goes down

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# Drive it good or you'll get Cackamanga'ed

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# They'll progress if they just accelerate

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# Oh! You've been Cackamanga'ed

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# Kapow, you're going to get a splat

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# So deal with that, you're out

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# Cackamanga

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# Ca-Ca-Cackamanga-manga

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# Racing along at four miles an hour

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# Pulling G on this titan of power

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# Come on, we've only got an hour

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# You've been Ca-Cackamanga'ed

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# Ca-Cackamanga

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# Kapow, you've had a splat

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# So deal with that, you're out

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# Come on let's get Cackamanga'ed

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# Yeah, Cack Yeah, Cack

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# Yeeeah!

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# Reload that goo, oh reload that goo

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# Reload that goo

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# Yeah, yeah, reload that goo

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# There's the Cacker's yard

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# Who's on their way?

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# It's not very hard

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# Oh my goodness, say au revoir

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# He-haw he-haw, le main de Cackamanga

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# Take a bow, it's all in the now

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# Your life is ruined by Cackamanga

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# Kerblat, kersplash, splish-splash

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# Only two cars left

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# Who's going to go?

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# It's like they're trying to take it to Monaco

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# We have a winn-e-e-e-er

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# Cackamanga-a-a-a. #

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The winner!

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It's Jasmine! Yeah!

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APPLAUSE

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You're going through to the Finaleval

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at the end of the show, to win prizes that money can't buy.

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-Prizes.

-Believe me, money can't buy them. Right!

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There's your golden Hoopla hoop. Three, two, one, Hoopla!

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HOOPLA JINGLE

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Da da da daaa!

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Ooh!

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SQUELCH

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Ha ha ha! You won anyway, don't worry.

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And now for something truly...

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-Amazing.

-Do you want to taste it?

-No.

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Amamanamana...

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Hey!

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Amanama baba manamana ba.

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Phwoar! There's something funny round here.

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What is it? Oh, it's you.

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Come on, sit down.

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You're going to have the truth told about you, and put on record.

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Please don't sit too close to me, I've just had me breakfast.

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Thank you.

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# Who put salt in the sugar bowl?

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# Who put fireworks in the coal?

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# Who put a real-life toad in the hole?

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# My mother

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# Who put jam in brother's shoe?

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# Who made real caterpillar stew?

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# Who locked Granddad in the loo?

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# My mother

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# My mother said it wasn't she

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# Who put shampoo in Grandma's tea

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# My mother said that it was me

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# My mother's rotten

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# Who squeezed toothpaste round the hall?

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# Who put soot in the baby's ball?

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# Who drew things on the garden wall?

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# My mother

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# Whose pet mouse made Grandma shriek?

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# Who ate glue and couldn't speak?

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# What clever-dick was sick for a week?

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# My mother

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# Who keeps maggots in a tin?

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# Plays the Twist on a violin?

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# Who's been getting at the gin?

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# My mother

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# She looks just like a chimney sweep

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# Though dirt, they say, is just skin-deep

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# I know she's good when she's asleep... #

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But you don't know what she's dreaming about, do you?

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# My lovely, lovely mother. #

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Come on, let's get you out of here before you fall down

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the hole in the middle.

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Come on, take me hand, we're going for a walk.

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'Ere, what've you had in your hand?

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'Ave you? Phwoar.

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APPLAUSE

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If you think that's bad,

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you should see what she did in the burger van.

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Ooh. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for this.

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It's Hoopla game number two.

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The Finaleval winner awaits the brave winner of...

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The Impossible Assault Course of Doom!

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APPLAUSE

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Yeah. Yeah!

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Your chance to win another golden Hoopla hoop

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and get your place in the Finaleval at the end of the show.

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And here we are, look at this, this Assault Course of Doom,

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it's all there, and it is the most difficult assault course

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in the entire world.

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-So these are my players. Who are you?

-Molly.

-Who are you?

-Michael.

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Hello, Molly and Michael. Welcome. This is Sergeant Tony Jamaica.

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And I'm going to go down the course with him now,

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so you can see what you're going to be doing.

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-Pay attention.

-Mind the step!

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And then you've got to get round these jammy rods.

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Then you've got to do the buzzy wire, don't touch,

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cos if you do you get a 30-second time penalty.

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The candle's burning the rope, it could chop your head off.

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Get under the taps - don't touch the taps, cos you'll get wet.

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Mind the punchbag, get round it, through the Cackamanga juice,

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and that is the end. Lovely.

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Well, it's going to be even more difficult,

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cos we're going to blindfold you as well.

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The person that's the fastest will be the winner.

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-How many fingers am I holding up?

-She can't see nothing.

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-OK.

-Completely blindfolded.

-Right then.

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And now, just to disorientate you,

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we're going to spin you round a little bit.

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And the audience are going to delight to Sergeant Jamaica dancing.

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MUSIC: "Jingle Bells" ON ELECTRIC GUITAR

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Oh, lovely. Very nice.

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Don't worry, Molly, don't worry, Michael, you didn't miss much.

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OK, so come over here, Molly.

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So, go over the - oops! There's the step.

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-Come over the step. OK, now...

-Remember, looking for good effort.

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OK? Good effort.

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-All right. So, what was the first thing? Do you remember?

-Um...

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-You have to go and weave...

-The jammy rods. OK, that's a good start.

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-Your time starts now.

-Right, OK.

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Come on, let's see you work your way through!

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Come on, get on with it, show some motivation!

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Get through! Work your way round!

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Get on with it, what are you doing?

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If you don't want to do it you should've joined the RAF.

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Come on, get here. Hold the rod, hold the rod.

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Remember, try not to touch the iron bar,

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otherwise you'll get an electrocuted penalty point.

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30-second penalty point if you touch it. You've touched it!

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What are you doing?! Is there something wrong with you?

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-All right, go on, move. On the floor.

-Guillotine.

-Get on!

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Get your knees up!

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-Oh!

-All right, keep moving.

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Get up.

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Now remember, what's next is all the pipes, and the shower, OK?

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So don't touch the taps.

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Right, on the floor. Going to crawl it. On the floor, get down.

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-Go.

-Get your head down.

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Keep moving. No, don't touch the taps!

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What is wrong with you?

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-You horrible little girl, lie down!

-OK, watch out for the punchbag.

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-Punchbag. Watch out. Quick.

-Keep going!

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-Oh!

-Right.

-Over the Cackamanga juice.

-The Cackamanga juice!

-Ready?

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Stop the clock!

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GONG

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APPLAUSE

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She did really well, she did really well!

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Well, she was quite slow, Michael. It was 1 minute 36 seconds.

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So come with me. Mind the step, mind the step! Get your leg over the step.

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Onto the assault course, right, there you go.

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OK, Michael, looking for good strong effort, OK?

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-Get motivated, let me see your war-face!

-Yeah!

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That's it, come on, right!

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Remember, you're right in front of the jammy rods.

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-Your time starts now, go!

-Right, go.

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Get on with it, come on, get yourself through, good.

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That is moving, keep moving!

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-Right.

-Let me give you... There's your rod!

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There's the rod, but don't touch the...

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BUZZ

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Aah, you touched it! 30-second penalty. Right, under the...

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Keep going, this is good! No, what are you doing?

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You got the guillotine.

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-Get on the floor.

-Right.

-Get on the floor now!

-Get under the taps.

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-Not that way!

-Get under...

-You stupid man. Not that way!

-This way!

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-That way!

-Right, under the taps.

-Keep moving.

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-Get right under, down more, down more!

-Mind the taps.

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-Oh, the taps. Oh!

-Come on!

-The punchbag, come on!

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-Come back here! Get up on your feet!

-Round the punchbag.

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-Come round the punchbag.

-Round the punchbag!

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Ha ha ha ha!

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-Stop!

-Ah, you've done it!

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GONG

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APPLAUSE

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-OK.

-I think you two deserve to see the assault course,

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so lift off the blindfolds, have a look at your assault course.

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That is what you have just done.

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Lovely.

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It was a joke! It was a joke! Did you like the joke?

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Right, the joke took ages.

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But actually, what we REALLY want you to do is take your shoe off

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and put it on your head, first one to do it is the winner. Go!

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-Go.

-Come on, get your shoe on your head! What are you doing?

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Put it on your head, you idiot! Keep going! Get it on your head!

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-Hooray, Michael!

-He still wins anyway.

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-Oh, fantastic.

-Lovely. Marvellous.

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So there we go, here's your golden Hoopla.

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You won the pointless competition. Put that on.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Michael will...

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-Hoopla!

-HOOPLA JINGLE

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Get it moving round your hips! You stupid little man.

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If you cannot put in the effort you should've joined the RAF,

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you idiot!

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What is wrong with you?

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I will give you a year in pokey if you don't get this done! Pick it up!

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Pick it up, you idiot! What is wrong? Do it better!

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Get it round you.

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-Yeah, there we are.

-Take him away.

-Take him away. See you later.

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-End of the show.

-Bye-bye. Off you go.

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And now, I know you're particularly excited about this, aren't you?

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's Grunway Thom.

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APPLAUSE

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Hello, my name is Grunway Thom.

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My fist name is Grunway,

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it's like an airport runway with a G at the front, like G-runway.

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And today we're going to show you a classic of street magic.

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It's called Find the Lady.

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AUDIENCE: Ooh!

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It's very simple. Over here, on my right,

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I have nothing.

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Over here, on my left, nothing.

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However, in the middle, I have...

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A lady. There she is.

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-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Now, these buckets can move around.

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And by moving them around like that,

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you'll leave the lady where she was a moment ago, in the middle.

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Now, you're asking yourself...

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What would've happened if I left the lady over here on my right? Simple.

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That's where she would've been.

0:17:410:17:43

Or she could've been in the middle, which is where she was a moment ago.

0:17:430:17:46

Or she can be over here on my left hand side,

0:17:460:17:49

which is where she is now.

0:17:490:17:51

But let's not complicate things,

0:17:510:17:52

let's leave her where she started, in the middle.

0:17:520:17:55

Thank you.

0:17:550:17:56

Good. I've...ha! You're all looking at us like this...

0:17:560:18:00

LAUGHTER

0:18:000:18:02

Um, sir, over here, man over here, man looking scared. Hello, sir.

0:18:020:18:05

-What's your name, sir?

-Andy.

-Andy.

0:18:050:18:07

Andy, have you ever played Find the Lady before?

0:18:070:18:09

-Not that I can think of.

-Not that you can think of. OK, Andy.

0:18:090:18:12

-We're going to play now, OK?

-OK.

0:18:120:18:14

Andy, at the moment, where is the lady?

0:18:140:18:16

-In the middle.

-In the middle, there she is.

0:18:160:18:18

Now, Andy, we're going to move the lady around, nice and slowly,

0:18:180:18:21

first time, OK?

0:18:210:18:22

OK, nice and slow.

0:18:220:18:23

-Andy, where is the lady?

-On the right.

-On the right. My right?

-Yeah.

0:18:260:18:31

My right, here. Give Andy a round of applause, he's found the lady!

0:18:310:18:34

APPLAUSE

0:18:340:18:35

Well done, Andy. OK, Andy,

0:18:350:18:37

we're going to go a little bit faster, OK,

0:18:370:18:39

a little bit faster for you, Andy.

0:18:390:18:40

-Andy, where's the lady now?

-On your left.

-On the left. On my left?

0:18:410:18:46

Sorry, that's a man. We're not playing Find the Man.

0:18:460:18:49

We're playing Find the Lady.

0:18:490:18:51

The lady is still over here

0:18:510:18:52

on my right, OK, Andy?

0:18:520:18:54

-So, where's the lady, Andy?

-On your right.

0:18:540:18:56

On my right, well done, there she is.

0:18:560:18:58

And over here on my left?

0:18:580:18:59

-Was a man.

-A man? There he is. OK.

0:18:590:19:01

LAUGHTER

0:19:010:19:03

-In the middle?

-Nothing.

0:19:030:19:05

No, we've got both, lady and a boy.

0:19:050:19:06

OK, brilliant.

0:19:060:19:08

Now, we'll go one more time, this is the last one, Andy.

0:19:080:19:10

This is the final one. Andy...

0:19:100:19:12

Where is the lady?

0:19:120:19:14

-In the middle.

-Ha ha, in the middle?

0:19:140:19:17

Let's have a look.

0:19:170:19:18

Give Andy a round of applause, he's found the lady!

0:19:180:19:21

APPLAUSE

0:19:210:19:23

But we...

0:19:240:19:25

We are Slightly Fat Features, and this is Dick and Dom's Hoopla,

0:19:250:19:30

so we've got a lady over here...

0:19:300:19:32

And we've got a lady over there.

0:19:320:19:35

And that is Slightly Fat Features' Find the Lady!

0:19:350:19:40

APPLAUSE

0:19:400:19:43

Oh. Right.

0:19:440:19:46

Er, right, OK, young man.

0:19:460:19:47

You have ten seconds to review the act you have just seen,

0:19:470:19:51

but you must sing it, all right?

0:19:510:19:52

-Sing your review.

-Here we go.

0:19:520:19:54

Um...

0:19:540:19:56

-# Da doo be doo...

-Doo be doo...

0:19:560:19:58

# Ba doobie doo-doo

0:20:000:20:01

# Da-doobie-doo-doo. #

0:20:030:20:05

I think you'd all agree that was very moving.

0:20:050:20:08

Now, let's see what else is on today's show.

0:20:080:20:10

Yes, plenty more tip-top Big Top Top Hat entertainment to come from

0:20:100:20:15

Brotherhood Of Man and Matt Pang!

0:20:150:20:18

Plus, loads more Hoopla-style games,

0:20:180:20:20

leading to that all important Finaleval,

0:20:200:20:22

where one lucky winner will receive a prize money cannot buy.

0:20:220:20:26

But first...

0:20:260:20:28

# We were very happy

0:20:290:20:31

# Well, at least I thought we were

0:20:320:20:34

# Can somebody tell me

0:20:350:20:38

# What got into her

0:20:380:20:41

# We had a house, a home and a family

0:20:410:20:44

# And a man that loved her so

0:20:450:20:47

# Who'd believe she'd leave us to join a HOOPLA show?

0:20:490:20:54

# Say has anybody seen my Sweet Gypsy Rose?

0:20:570:21:02

# Here's her picture when she was my Sweet Mary Jo

0:21:020:21:08

# Now she's got rings on her fingers

0:21:080:21:10

# And bells on her toes

0:21:100:21:12

# Say has anybody seen my Sweet Gypsy Rose? #

0:21:120:21:18

Here I am!

0:21:180:21:21

Do you like that?

0:21:210:21:22

Hiya! All right, everyone? I'm Gypsy Rose Dick.

0:21:220:21:27

Some people like to call me GYPsy Rose Dick.

0:21:270:21:30

But today I'm feeling all right. Mike Pooh, however...

0:21:300:21:35

SPLOSH

0:21:350:21:37

He's not so good.

0:21:370:21:38

The lunch here at the fairground is not the best.

0:21:380:21:41

These are my Cards of Fate.

0:21:410:21:43

Someone at the end of this, their fortune will be told.

0:21:430:21:45

This is a golden Hoopla hoop

0:21:470:21:48

and one of those people are going to be winning it.

0:21:480:21:52

-AUDIENCE:

-Woo.

0:21:520:21:53

-Show the hoop some respect! AUDIENCE:

-Sorry.

0:21:530:21:56

It's all right.

0:21:560:21:58

Kiss the hoop!

0:21:580:22:00

That's better. Right, let's meet the victims, I mean, the contestants.

0:22:000:22:05

Come on up, you two. Give them a round-of-applause.

0:22:050:22:08

It's like bare bottoms hitting a marble staircase.

0:22:080:22:12

Ollie and Sophie. All right? Good. Sophie, you're going to go first.

0:22:120:22:16

But first let me do my rhyme.

0:22:160:22:18

Cards, cards, don't be a fluke, if you do, might puke, poo or puke.

0:22:190:22:23

SPLOSH

0:22:230:22:25

-Got anything nice?

-Pate de foie gras.

-Lovely. Sophie, pick your card.

0:22:250:22:31

It's cold baked beans first, Ollie.

0:22:310:22:35

Here they are. Get your spoon and your ten seconds start now.

0:22:350:22:41

Lovely. One...

0:22:430:22:44

two there, duck. You all right, Mike?

0:22:440:22:47

It's not a nice sight, is it?

0:22:470:22:49

-Oh...

-STOP IT!

0:22:490:22:52

Did he get three? I thing he did. But is he going to swallow it?

0:22:520:22:55

Go on, Ollie. Get it down you. It's only cold baked beans, son. Come on!

0:22:570:23:01

It's not that's bad!

0:23:010:23:05

Get it down you!

0:23:050:23:07

Is it gone?

0:23:070:23:08

Yes!

0:23:080:23:09

Right, that means that you get three of them in your lush pint.

0:23:090:23:13

Pretty, isn't it?

0:23:140:23:17

Right then, Ollie, your turn to pick. Let me do me rhyme.

0:23:170:23:20

Cards, cards, don't be a fluke. If you do, I might poo or puke.

0:23:200:23:24

RUMBLING

0:23:240:23:25

All right? Ollie, pick your card.

0:23:250:23:28

Show everyone at home what you've got.

0:23:280:23:30

Pickle!

0:23:300:23:32

I know how much you like pickles, Sophie. There you are.

0:23:320:23:35

There's your spoon. Ten seconds start now.

0:23:350:23:39

Sweet, tangy...

0:23:400:23:44

That's three.

0:23:440:23:45

Can she swallow the three?

0:23:450:23:47

-Your time is up.

-STOP IT!

0:23:470:23:50

Can you swallow it, love?

0:23:500:23:53

It's not that bad.

0:23:530:23:54

It's better with cheese. Get it down there.

0:23:540:23:58

Is it gone?

0:23:580:23:59

It's all them blocks, isn't it? There you are, three of them.

0:24:000:24:03

One, two, three - mixes nicely with water that. Lovely.

0:24:040:24:07

Have you swallowed it yet?

0:24:080:24:10

We haven't got all day.

0:24:120:24:13

We've got all this to eat yet.

0:24:130:24:15

Right, Sophie, you can pick a card.

0:24:150:24:17

Cards, cards, please don't fluke... Wait!

0:24:170:24:20

If you do fluke, Mike Pooh will puke.

0:24:210:24:24

SPLOSH

0:24:240:24:26

-Anything nice, Mike?

-Duck a l'orange.

-Lovely. Pick a card, Sophie.

0:24:260:24:30

Show what you've got. WET CHIPS! Ah, wet chips.

0:24:310:24:36

They've been soaking in me special juice all night.

0:24:360:24:39

Ten seconds start now.

0:24:390:24:40

All wet and soggy. One mouthful.

0:24:400:24:43

That's two.

0:24:430:24:45

That's three.

0:24:450:24:46

-Four. Can you do five?

-STOP IT!

0:24:460:24:52

Can you swallow them, love?

0:24:520:24:53

I don't think we've got five spoonfuls left, he enjoyed them

0:24:540:24:57

so much. I'll just chuck the lot in.

0:24:570:24:59

There you are.

0:24:590:25:01

Have the lot, Sophie. Back to the cards.

0:25:010:25:02

Cards, cards, please don't puke. If you do I Mike Pooh will puke.

0:25:020:25:07

RUMBLING The cards have puked.

0:25:070:25:10

Mike Pooh's all right. Ollie, pick a card.

0:25:100:25:13

What you got?

0:25:130:25:15

Show it to everyone. Yeast extract!

0:25:160:25:18

Have you ever eaten yeast extract before? I'm sure you'll love it.

0:25:180:25:23

That's it. Yeast paste. It's Dirty Norris.

0:25:230:25:27

We haven't seen that for a while.

0:25:270:25:29

Get it down the neck. Ten seconds start now.

0:25:290:25:31

One...

0:25:320:25:33

two...

0:25:330:25:35

three. She likes yeast extract.

0:25:350:25:39

-Four...

-STOP IT!

0:25:390:25:42

Can you swallow that?

0:25:420:25:43

Get that Dirty Norris down your neck.

0:25:450:25:47

Is it going to go in? She's done it.

0:25:470:25:49

-How many was it, though? How many, Mike? Three or four?

-Three.

0:25:490:25:54

You can have four.

0:25:540:25:56

Have a wet chip in as well - that will make it taste better.

0:25:560:25:59

Sophie, you can pick now. Cards, cards, please don't puke.

0:25:590:26:02

If you do Mike Pooh will puke. You're all puking.

0:26:020:26:05

SPLOSH

0:26:050:26:08

-Pick a card.

-Raspberry Pavlova.

0:26:080:26:10

What you picked, then, Sophie?

0:26:100:26:11

Rice pudding! Not too bad. Where's the rice pudding?

0:26:130:26:15

This is going to be easy.

0:26:150:26:17

Ten seconds start now.

0:26:170:26:19

I like cold rice pudding.

0:26:200:26:21

It's actually quite nice.

0:26:210:26:23

Three...oh.

0:26:240:26:27

He's not happy about it, is he?

0:26:270:26:29

STOP IT!

0:26:290:26:30

Can he get the four down his neck?

0:26:320:26:34

Come on, lad!

0:26:350:26:36

Come on, encourage him.

0:26:360:26:39

-AUDIENCE:

-Come on!

0:26:390:26:40

It's not easy. Nice one. One, two, three, four.

0:26:400:26:44

What do you think about that, Sophie? Do you like that?

0:26:440:26:49

Card, cards, please don't fluke. If you do, Mike Pooh might puke.

0:26:490:26:53

No, he's all right.

0:26:530:26:55

Go on, Ollie.

0:26:550:26:57

What you got?

0:26:570:26:58

Squirty cream.

0:26:580:26:59

I hope it's not been in here too long.

0:27:010:27:03

Oh, actually. I think we had tuna in there yesterday.

0:27:050:27:08

Ten seconds start now.

0:27:080:27:10

One, two...

0:27:110:27:14

-AUDIENCE:

-Go on, Sophie!

0:27:140:27:15

Four...

0:27:150:27:19

-five...

-STOP IT!

0:27:190:27:21

Six!

0:27:210:27:22

Sophie, there is nothing left in there!

0:27:220:27:25

No, I'm not going to make you do that. You know what I was thinking.

0:27:250:27:28

We're not going to put it out your mouth. We'll try and get as much as

0:27:280:27:31

-we can in there. That's a nice topping.

-Yeah.

0:27:310:27:33

We're going to remind you what you've got in your pint, before we start.

0:27:330:27:37

Sophie, in your pint, you've beans, wet chips and rice pudding.

0:27:390:27:43

Isn't that nice? Lovely.

0:27:430:27:44

Ollie, in yours you got pickle, yeast extract and squirty cream.

0:27:440:27:49

I don't know whose sounds better.

0:27:490:27:50

So let me get me...actually, would you like to do the honours, Mike?

0:27:500:27:55

-Oh, all right.

-Whisk them up. I'll hold the pints.

0:27:550:27:58

I'll hold them tight and you whisk them. Off you go.

0:27:580:28:00

Top speed, that's it, Mike.

0:28:000:28:02

Here we go.

0:28:020:28:04

BUZZING

0:28:040:28:06

Don't spill it, Mike.

0:28:060:28:07

That'll do. Stop.

0:28:090:28:10

That's not very fair.

0:28:110:28:13

She's got... So we'll put a bit of that in there,

0:28:130:28:15

so they've both got... There you go.

0:28:150:28:18

Half/half each.

0:28:180:28:19

The first one to down it

0:28:190:28:21

and stick the empty glass on their head will be the winner. Go!

0:28:210:28:25

She's holding her nose. Oh! Look at...oh!

0:28:250:28:30

Ollie's not happy.

0:28:300:28:31

Oh, we've got a winner!

0:28:340:28:36

Look - he's still got wet chips in it.

0:28:380:28:41

He's still got wet chips in it. So has Sophie!

0:28:410:28:45

It's badly mixed, Mike.

0:28:450:28:47

First one to put their shoe on their head will be the winner. Go!

0:28:470:28:51

Still Ollie!

0:28:520:28:53

You've got it, Ollie. Thank you very much, Sophie. You were great.

0:28:530:28:57

That means that you, Ollie, are going to join us later...

0:28:590:29:02

Don't worry about your shoe.

0:29:020:29:04

We haven't got time for that.

0:29:040:29:05

In the corner here.

0:29:050:29:07

You're coming to the Finaleval later... Where you going?!

0:29:070:29:09

Get back here!

0:29:090:29:11

You haven't done your duties yet.

0:29:110:29:13

20 seconds to Hoopla.

0:29:130:29:14

You all right, Mike?

0:29:160:29:17

LAUGHTER Looking a bit green, aren't you?

0:29:180:29:22

A bit green today, love.

0:29:240:29:27

That were lovely. See you in the Finaleval.

0:29:350:29:38

The Clown Kid's going to take you off. Off you go. You can go now.

0:29:380:29:40

Yes you can.

0:29:400:29:42

-You'll never guess who's out there.

-Who?

-Providing us with music.

-Who?

0:29:430:29:47

It's...

0:29:470:29:49

-..Brotherhood Of Man!

-SPLOSH

0:29:500:29:54

MUSIC: "Save Your Kisses" by Brotherhood of Man

0:29:540:29:57

# Though it hurts to go away It's impossible to stay

0:29:590:30:04

# But there's one thing I must say before I go

0:30:040:30:08

-# I love you

-I love you

0:30:090:30:12

# You know

0:30:120:30:13

# I'll be thinking of you in most everything I do

0:30:140:30:19

# Now the time is moving on And I really should be gone

0:30:190:30:24

# But you keep me hanging on for one more smile

0:30:240:30:28

-# I love you

-I love you

0:30:300:30:32

# All the while

0:30:320:30:35

# With your cute little wave will you promise that you'll save

0:30:350:30:40

# Your kisses for me Save all your kisses for me

0:30:400:30:46

# Bye-bye baby Bye-bye

0:30:460:30:50

# Don't cry honey Don't cry

0:30:520:30:56

# Going to walk out the door But I'll soon be back for more

0:30:560:31:02

# Kisses for me Save all your kisses for me

0:31:020:31:06

# So long honey So long

0:31:070:31:11

# Hang on baby Hang on

0:31:120:31:17

# Don't you dare me to stay cos you know I'll have to say

0:31:170:31:22

# That I've got to work each day And that's why I go away

0:31:220:31:27

# But I count the seconds till I'm home with you

0:31:270:31:31

-# I love you

-I love you

0:31:320:31:35

# It's true

0:31:350:31:37

# You're so cute honey, gee won't you save them up for me

0:31:370:31:43

# Your kisses for me Save all your kisses for me

0:31:430:31:50

# Bye-bye baby Bye-bye

0:31:500:31:53

# Don't cry honey Don't cry

0:31:550:31:59

# Going to walk out the door but I'll soon be back for more

0:31:590:32:05

# Kisses for me Save all your kisses for me

0:32:050:32:09

# So long honey So long

0:32:100:32:13

# Hang on baby Hang on

0:32:150:32:19

# Won't you save them for me even though you're only three. #

0:32:190:32:26

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:32:280:32:30

Here, that was all right.

0:32:390:32:41

I've written a song myself. Took me three years.

0:32:410:32:43

# Took the wife to Spain in '72

0:32:430:32:46

# We just got married, Mike and Valerie Pooh. #

0:32:460:32:49

I feel a bit sick again.

0:32:500:32:51

BLEURGH! SPLOSH

0:32:510:32:54

Who'll be joining Jiggly Jasmine, Manic Michael

0:32:540:32:58

and Oscillating Ollie in our spectacular Finaleval?

0:32:580:33:00

Who will it be? Hmm? Answer me that.

0:33:000:33:02

Let's find out as we try to survive Roger Malcolm's Hat Full of Fear!

0:33:020:33:06

Hello again to you out there in television land.

0:33:090:33:12

It's me, Roger Malcolm, and my terrifying ghost train.

0:33:120:33:16

Let's move straight on and meet today's contestant.

0:33:160:33:18

What's your name, please?

0:33:180:33:19

-Ryan.

-Ryan, do you spook easily?

-No.

0:33:190:33:23

What if you saw a knee-mounted monkey dribbling acid banana juice?

0:33:230:33:27

-No.

-All right, let's test out if what you say is true.

0:33:270:33:32

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah!

0:33:320:33:36

-Did that spook you?

-No.

0:33:360:33:38

Let's see how you fare in my ghost train of terror.

0:33:380:33:42

You're here to play for the exciting Golden Hoopla,

0:33:420:33:45

hoping for the chance to win some prizes in our Finaleval.

0:33:450:33:48

-Does that excite you?

-Yes.

-Oh, good.

0:33:480:33:52

The rules are very simple. You're wearing a hat full of fear.

0:33:520:33:54

Fear is represented by red juice.

0:33:540:33:56

You mustn't spill the red juice as you rally round my exciting

0:33:560:33:59

and terrifying ghost train.

0:33:590:34:01

Whatever happens when you're in there...

0:34:010:34:04

-don't touch your helmet! All right?

-Yeah.

0:34:040:34:07

All right, you understand the rules.

0:34:080:34:11

I can't let you go without a ding, so...

0:34:110:34:14

-# Gimme, gimme, gimme that ding. #

-DING

0:34:140:34:17

A bit out of key but quite fun. Off you go. Shove off!

0:34:170:34:20

He's splattered.

0:34:230:34:25

ROAR

0:34:250:34:27

CACKLING

0:34:270:34:29

They mustn't touch their helmets - that would be cheating.

0:34:310:34:34

I don't tolerate cheats.

0:34:340:34:35

MAN: Argh!

0:34:380:34:39

He's coming.

0:34:420:34:44

He's coming back.

0:34:450:34:46

Right.

0:34:500:34:52

Very well done.

0:34:520:34:53

Very carefully step out of my ghost train.

0:34:530:34:56

Come along...we're only on air for one hour.

0:34:560:34:59

I don't know what he's messing about at.

0:34:590:35:01

Right, very slowly, here we go. That's nice. Be careful.

0:35:010:35:05

I like your shoes, they're very fancy. Where did you get them from?

0:35:050:35:08

But was he cheating? Gabriel, was he cheating inside there?

0:35:080:35:11

-No, Roger, he's a very good boy. He never cheated.

-Oh, very good, Ryan.

0:35:110:35:16

Well, let's find out how much you've scored by measuring your juice.

0:35:160:35:19

Oh, a very good score. Four of your Earth centimetres. Well done, Ryan.

0:35:210:35:27

Let's have a big round of applause for Ryan.

0:35:270:35:29

APPLAUSE

0:35:290:35:30

Little bit more. It's not over until the fat lady sings,

0:35:320:35:35

so we need to have another contestant.

0:35:350:35:37

We call her contestant number two, simply because she is the second.

0:35:370:35:40

-Hello there. What's your name?

-Alesha.

0:35:400:35:43

Alesha, like the television celebrity Alesha Dixon.

0:35:430:35:45

Is she spooky, or is she nice?

0:35:450:35:47

-Nice.

-She's nice. Well, there's no nice here, Alesha.

0:35:470:35:51

Do you spook easily?

0:35:510:35:52

-No.

-No, you say no now. But you know the rules.

0:35:530:35:56

You've got this headgear here, the Hat Full of Fear,

0:35:560:35:59

don't let the juice spill out of the tray.

0:35:590:36:01

It would be awfully messy and very bad

0:36:010:36:03

because you wouldn't win a place in the Finaleval a little bit later on.

0:36:030:36:06

Before I push you off, I've got to have a little sing-song. So...

0:36:060:36:10

# Gimme, gimme, gimme that ding.#

0:36:100:36:11

A little bit closer, but still totally incorrect. Shove off.

0:36:110:36:15

Don't touch your helmet in there, young lady Alesha.

0:36:180:36:21

SPOOKY LAUGHTER

0:36:280:36:31

ALESHA SCREAMS

0:36:340:36:36

Here she comes.

0:36:410:36:42

What is going on?

0:36:430:36:45

-Now come here.

-She had a little accident, Roger.

0:36:490:36:53

What do you mean, Gabriel?

0:36:530:36:54

She got very frightened and it all came out of her helmet.

0:36:540:36:57

Oh, well, that's very exciting.

0:36:570:37:00

Alisha, very gently, come out of the doo-dah.

0:37:000:37:03

Do you think the top celebrity

0:37:030:37:04

Alesha Dixon would play this game with us?

0:37:040:37:06

-Yes, I think she would.

-I think she would.

0:37:060:37:08

Hold on a minute, I need my ruler, Gabriel.

0:37:080:37:10

Sit down, step down, Alisha.

0:37:100:37:13

Was there any cheating then, Gabriel, in conclusion?

0:37:130:37:15

-Well, Reggie, there was a little bit of helmet-touching.

-Oh, was there?

0:37:150:37:19

Hang on a minute, Alesha. Just bear with me a moment.

0:37:190:37:23

That's about enough for cheating today, cos you're a nice girl.

0:37:230:37:26

Right, let's have a look at the ruler of fate.

0:37:260:37:28

2.5 of your Earth centimetres. Oh, dearie me.

0:37:280:37:34

Well, that means that unfortunately you have not won the race.

0:37:350:37:39

If you will step over there to my west.

0:37:390:37:42

And you, Ryan, if you could stand on the Pants of Egbetmar,

0:37:420:37:45

the King Of All Things Spooky.

0:37:450:37:47

And what you're going to do is do the Hoopla hoopla.

0:37:480:37:50

Do you think that is a good idea? I do, I think it sounds super.

0:37:500:37:54

All right then, are you ready? Don't hold your helmet, right, OK.

0:37:540:37:58

Here we go. Music, please.

0:37:580:38:00

# Gimme that, gimme that Gimme, gimme, gimme that, gimme that

0:38:000:38:03

# Gimme, gimme that Gimme, gimme that ding. #

0:38:030:38:09

That was lovely. Clown kids. Clown kids.

0:38:090:38:13

Right, we've got to get on.

0:38:140:38:17

It's very exciting.

0:38:170:38:18

Now we welcome you to the amazing world of Matt Pang. Pang!

0:38:180:38:22

Oh, it's frightening.

0:38:220:38:24

Thanks very much, thank you. I'm just a little bit tied up.

0:38:250:38:28

I'm going to be performing for you today a straitjacket escape.

0:38:280:38:31

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:38:310:38:33

Oh, yes.

0:38:330:38:34

Now, a straitjacket escape by itself is quite difficult, OK.

0:38:340:38:37

But I like to challenge myself, so to make this slightly more

0:38:370:38:40

difficult, I'm going to attempt it while riding this six-foot unicycle.

0:38:400:38:44

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:38:440:38:45

Now, I'm going to need some help getting up onto the bike,

0:38:450:38:48

so I've got some volunteers.

0:38:480:38:49

My volunteers, can you come onto the stage?

0:38:490:38:51

Can we have applause, as they come onto the stage?

0:38:510:38:53

Just make some room for them there, as they come up.

0:38:530:38:55

-Hiya. And your name is?

-Jason.

-We've got Jason.

0:38:550:39:00

-Jason, stand on this side for me. And you are?

-Eddie.

0:39:000:39:03

-Eddie, just stand behind the unicycle for me. And?

-Ian.

0:39:030:39:06

Ian, just stand on this side for me. Ian, wahey!

0:39:060:39:10

Ian, can you just grab the bike for me?

0:39:100:39:12

What I'd like you to do is put the wheel

0:39:120:39:14

right in the centre of the stage there.

0:39:140:39:15

And if you stand on that side of it, put both hands on the bike

0:39:150:39:18

and stick your left foot in front of the wheel for me.

0:39:180:39:20

-Lovely. Jason, just do the same on this side for me.

-OK.

0:39:200:39:23

So, what's going to happen is I'm going to run up around the stage.

0:39:230:39:26

As I run past the audience, they're going to raise their arms in the

0:39:260:39:29

air, like a Mexican wave.

0:39:290:39:30

So, I'll run around. They'll do it next time.

0:39:300:39:33

I'll get around here, OK, I'm going to put one foot on the wheel.

0:39:330:39:35

The other foot on the pedal, OK.

0:39:350:39:37

All you have to do, Eddie, is guide my bottom onto the seat.

0:39:370:39:41

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

0:39:410:39:42

You get the best job. Here we go. OK, here we go.

0:39:420:39:46

I'm going to take the run-up.

0:39:460:39:47

When my bum hits that seat,

0:39:470:39:48

what I'd like is a really big round of applause, OK?

0:39:480:39:51

It might take a little while, but here we go.

0:39:510:39:53

Get ready with those arms. Here we go. 3, 2, 1, up!

0:39:530:39:56

One foot, the other foot, sorry.

0:39:570:40:00

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:40:000:40:02

-You all right, Ian?

-Yeah, fine.

-How are you, Jason?

-I'm very good.

0:40:020:40:06

Glad you're not on this side. OK, you're really tall, aren't you, Ian?

0:40:060:40:11

You're going to have to duck, mate. I've got cramp.

0:40:120:40:15

OK, foot is on the pedal. OK...Eddie, can you smell the fear?

0:40:160:40:21

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:40:210:40:24

Don't answer that. Here we go. Guys, just lean the bike forward a touch.

0:40:240:40:28

Stop there, perfect. Back a bit, back a bit. OK, Eddie, here we go.

0:40:280:40:31

Very gently, not too hard. 3, 2, 1, hey.

0:40:310:40:35

Stand over there, mate. Stand over there.

0:40:370:40:39

Can we have a big round of applause for Eddie? Thanks very much.

0:40:390:40:42

Your job is done.

0:40:420:40:44

OK, what I'm going to ask you to do after three is remove your feet.

0:40:440:40:47

OK, just the feet after three.

0:40:470:40:49

Can we just lean it towards Jason a touch?

0:40:490:40:50

Stop there, perfect. After three. Here we go, 1,2,3...go.

0:40:500:40:53

If you are in the front, just be aware, OK.

0:40:550:40:57

If it looks like I'm going to fall on you, I am.

0:40:570:41:01

All together and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Go, guys, go.

0:41:030:41:08

Thank you very much for your help, thanks, guys.

0:41:100:41:12

MUSIC: "Mission Impossible" THEME

0:41:120:41:14

OK, phase one is to work one arm up over my head.

0:41:140:41:16

As you can see, I'm working my right arm up

0:41:160:41:19

and currently it's around my neck.

0:41:190:41:21

Hold on. Oh, it's a boy. Hold on, here it comes.

0:41:210:41:27

Yes! OK, hold on. Hold on.

0:41:270:41:32

OK, so what I'm going to try to do is work the right hand out. Whee.

0:41:330:41:37

OK, and when you see a hand,

0:41:370:41:38

what I'd like is a really big cheer from the audience.

0:41:380:41:41

OK, here we go.

0:41:410:41:42

Yes.

0:41:440:41:46

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:41:460:41:47

Oh, my goodness. Hold on, here's the real one. Hey.

0:41:470:41:51

The next stage is to get the other arm out.

0:41:520:41:55

That's the halfway point, when the other arm is out. Here we go.

0:41:550:41:57

Anytime now.

0:41:570:41:59

Yes.

0:42:020:42:03

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:42:030:42:05

OK, can everyone just start a slow hand clap. Slow hand clap.

0:42:050:42:10

Great, lovely. Lovely. Get it going. Get it going.

0:42:120:42:16

Here we go. Here we go, here we go. Come on.

0:42:160:42:21

Yeah!

0:42:230:42:25

Have a great day, thank you.

0:42:250:42:26

Shut up. Ten seconds to tell us what you thought about that.

0:42:360:42:39

It was amazing. I didn't think he would do it, but he did.

0:42:390:42:41

It was brilliant. Thank you.

0:42:410:42:45

-Mmmm. Come on.

-It's great.

-Enough.

0:42:450:42:49

And now it's time for this.

0:42:490:42:52

Ladies and gentlemen, it's here, it's coming. It's the...

0:42:520:42:58

Ladies and gentlemen, in the game you are about to see, no men,

0:42:580:43:01

women, children, clowns or ferrets were harmed.

0:43:010:43:04

Not even a little teeny bit. Enjoy.

0:43:040:43:07

Finaleval!

0:43:070:43:09

It's the Finaleval!

0:43:110:43:13

Yes, that's right.

0:43:150:43:17

We are nearly at a point where we are going to be giving away

0:43:170:43:19

the Golden Hoopla Trophy, but who's it going to go to?

0:43:190:43:23

Here are the Finalevalists.

0:43:230:43:25

On the end, we've got Ollie. There's Michael. Not forgetting Ryan.

0:43:250:43:32

And Jasmine.

0:43:320:43:35

Well done, stand behind your podiums. Take your hoops with you.

0:43:360:43:40

Because we are ready to start round one.

0:43:400:43:43

Hold on, can we just stop proceedings for a moment, because look, Dom.

0:43:430:43:47

We'll have an armpit each. We've got a bit of a problem here.

0:43:470:43:50

The podium...is hiding her.

0:43:500:43:55

-But we can lift her, like that. Put her back. There you go.

-There you go.

0:43:560:43:59

-Can you see her?

-Right, what happens in round one?

0:43:590:44:01

I'll tell you what happens, it's called Brush Your Teeth.

0:44:010:44:04

You've got 30 seconds to brush your teeth, the best you can.

0:44:040:44:06

Points will be awarded for wrist action,

0:44:060:44:08

you really got to get your back into it for frothy bits and white stuff.

0:44:080:44:12

White foamy bits, as well. All right?

0:44:120:44:14

Don't forget, the more effort you put into this,

0:44:140:44:18

the more points you're going to get from our esteemed

0:44:180:44:21

panel of judges over there.

0:44:210:44:23

Headed by Mr Mike Pooh. Hello, Mike.

0:44:230:44:26

-What?

-Mike, what would you like to say about the judges that

0:44:260:44:29

you've got here?

0:44:290:44:30

-Obviously, you've hand-picked them.

-Get on with it.

0:44:300:44:33

Your 30 seconds start now. Go!

0:44:330:44:35

-Come on.

-Come on.

-Put the paste on.

0:44:360:44:39

-Brush! Brush!

-As hard as you possibly can.

0:44:390:44:43

Come on, put your back into it, man. Are you a man or a mouse?

0:44:430:44:48

Brush, come on, Michael. Who's going to win? Cheer on your partner.

0:44:500:44:54

Look at Jasmine.

0:44:560:44:58

Brush!

0:45:020:45:04

-Time's up. Stop brushing.

-Put your brushes down.

0:45:060:45:10

And we will now find out, from our judges, how many points you get.

0:45:100:45:14

-So, let's start off with Ollie. Your points, please, for Ollie.

-Hurry up.

0:45:140:45:20

-Here we go.

-19, 24, 31 points. Well done, Ollie. Good score.

0:45:200:45:26

Now, we move on to Michael. Your points for Michael, please.

0:45:280:45:33

-OK, here we go. Now.

-Eight, eight, sixteen, er...

0:45:330:45:39

33 points for Michael.

0:45:390:45:42

-Not bad, mate.

-Now your points. He looks like he's going to vomit.

0:45:440:45:48

It's Ryan. Have you got it?

0:45:480:45:52

-Yes, here we go...

-Oh, 24.

0:45:520:45:55

So, at the moment, Ryan, you're at the bottom of the pile.

0:45:550:46:00

Now, look at little Jasmine everybody. She's on her tiptoes.

0:46:000:46:03

Hello.

0:46:030:46:04

Aw! Wait for it. If you've got under 24, you will leave.

0:46:040:46:10

-If you got 24 or over, you will stay.

-It's all to play for, Jasmine.

0:46:120:46:16

Please, the score for Jasmine.

0:46:160:46:18

-Right.

-33 points for Jasmine.

0:46:180:46:21

So, that means the contestant to leave the Finaleval is...

0:46:240:46:29

Ryan.

0:46:300:46:32

Off you go, Ryan.

0:46:320:46:33

The kid clowns are going to take you away,

0:46:330:46:36

and you've got to go ride the lion with no pride.

0:46:360:46:39

He just couldn't put his back into it.

0:46:390:46:42

He couldn't get enough froth going.

0:46:420:46:44

Look at Ryan, everyone. He's on the lion with no pride.

0:46:460:46:50

APPLAUSE

0:46:500:46:51

Waay!

0:46:550:46:56

It's an endangered species.

0:46:580:47:00

Enough of that nonsense.

0:47:000:47:02

-It's time for...

-Round two.

0:47:020:47:04

Come forward, Michael. Come forward, Ollie. Come forward, little Jasmine.

0:47:070:47:10

Hang on. Jasmine, you haven't wiped your face.

0:47:100:47:13

-Look at the state of your face.

-Here.

-Here.

-That's better.

0:47:130:47:17

Right, this one's called I'm The Best In THE world.

0:47:170:47:20

You're going to hear some music in some instrumental bits.

0:47:200:47:22

We're going to tell you to do something.

0:47:220:47:24

You've got to do it to your best of your ability.

0:47:240:47:26

Right, Jasmine, come forward a little bit. Marvellous.

0:47:260:47:28

Right, Ollie, let's play.

0:47:280:47:30

# I am the best in the world the best in the world

0:47:300:47:34

# The very best at... #

0:47:340:47:36

Like you're in the presence of the Queen.

0:47:360:47:39

Hang on. Hang on... Stop the music.

0:47:420:47:45

-Yeah. We've definitely got to stop here.

-Ollie, what are you doing?

0:47:450:47:50

Dunno.

0:47:500:47:51

What-what...? You did this, like a guinea pig or a gerbil

0:47:510:47:54

and did that. If the Queen walked on this stage, would you do that?

0:47:540:47:58

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

0:47:580:48:00

All right. Well, if that's what you want to do, that's fine.

0:48:000:48:02

Right. Next. Your turn, Michael.

0:48:020:48:04

Act like you're in the presence of the Queen.

0:48:040:48:07

Oh! Oh!

0:48:070:48:09

-That's better. That's more regal, isn't it? Next! Jasmine?

-Oh!

0:48:090:48:11

Curtsy! Curtsy!

0:48:110:48:14

Very pretty.

0:48:150:48:17

Lovely.

0:48:170:48:18

# I am the best in the world the best in the world

0:48:180:48:22

# The very best at... #

0:48:220:48:25

Laughing your head off, Ollie.

0:48:250:48:26

There's no sound, he does silent laughing.

0:48:280:48:30

Can I do sound?

0:48:300:48:32

-I've got a feeling that he feels a bit silly.

-Yes.

0:48:320:48:36

-Laugh your head off!

-Michael.

0:48:380:48:41

-Oh!

-It's the Queen... It's the Queen of England.

0:48:410:48:45

-He's good. Good. Next.

-Next! Jasmine.

0:48:470:48:50

Oh, crazed laugh.

0:48:510:48:52

No. You... You look demonic.

0:48:530:48:57

-I like it, a lot.

-Well done.

0:48:570:48:58

# I am the best in the world the best in the world

0:48:580:49:03

# The very best at...#

0:49:030:49:05

Being extremely scary.

0:49:050:49:07

What are you doing? Poking his own eyes out.

0:49:110:49:14

-What?

-Hang on a minute. Wait. Shh! Stop.

0:49:140:49:17

-I think he still feels a little bit silly.

-Yes.

0:49:170:49:21

-Carry on.

-Next!

0:49:210:49:23

-Oh.

-Glasses are off.

-Good lad.

0:49:230:49:26

-Here he goes.

-Oh.

0:49:260:49:28

Look at that...

0:49:280:49:30

He belongs with Roger Malcolm, to be totally honest.

0:49:300:49:33

Next! She's doing it again! Your head's going to blow up. Stop!

0:49:330:49:37

# I was the best in the world

0:49:370:49:40

# The best thing ever The best thing ever

0:49:400:49:44

# The best thing in the world...#

0:49:440:49:46

Were you the best in the world, though?

0:49:470:49:48

We're going to find out now. Over to the judges

0:49:480:49:51

for the points for Ollie, please.

0:49:510:49:53

Up we go.

0:49:530:49:54

So that's 9, 10... So utter, utter nonsense.

0:49:540:49:57

Well done, Ollie. So 16 points for Ollie.

0:49:580:50:01

I think he'll be pleased to leave, to be honest.

0:50:010:50:03

OK. Over to Michael. Points for Michael, please.

0:50:030:50:05

Right. Hurry up.

0:50:050:50:07

-7, 8...

-23. 32.

0:50:080:50:11

-32 points for Michael, everybody.

-Good lad.

0:50:110:50:13

APPLAUSE

0:50:130:50:15

But I wonder... I just wonder what Jasmine can do with the points.

0:50:150:50:19

-Let's find out.

-Here we go.

0:50:190:50:22

She's got to beat 16, and she's done it! Well done.

0:50:220:50:25

So that means we all know Ollie leaves. Off you go, Ollie.

0:50:250:50:28

Thank you very much. Going to ride the lion with no pride.

0:50:280:50:30

Argh!

0:50:300:50:32

Give him a big cheer, as he goes to the lion.

0:50:320:50:35

APPLAUSE

0:50:350:50:36

There we go.

0:50:420:50:45

He definitely feels self-conscious now.

0:50:450:50:48

Do you feel self-conscious now?

0:50:480:50:50

That's enough.

0:50:580:50:59

This is the moment. It's the final of the Finaleval.

0:50:590:51:04

APPLAUSE

0:51:040:51:06

Yes, here are the Finaleval.

0:51:110:51:13

We've got Michael and, over there, little Jasmine.

0:51:130:51:16

One of them is going to be leaving here today with the coveted

0:51:160:51:19

Hoopla trophy. Yes!

0:51:190:51:20

Now you'll see, you two, behind you there are eight bins.

0:51:230:51:25

In this those bins, in those seven bins,

0:51:250:51:27

are the best prizes on British television.

0:51:270:51:30

Just out of interest, think of any prize you would really like or

0:51:300:51:34

that you need to enrich your current life on this Earth.

0:51:340:51:38

-What would it be?

-A motorbike.

0:51:380:51:41

-Oh.

-A motorbike, ladies and gentlemen.

0:51:410:51:43

Ladies and gentlemen, that could well be in the bins.

0:51:430:51:47

Jasamina, if you could have anything in those bins to make you

0:51:470:51:50

-happier than you currently are now, what would it be?

-A rabbit.

0:51:500:51:55

A rabbit, ladies and gentlemen.

0:51:550:51:57

Now listen, clearly we haven't got a real rabbit in the bin,

0:51:570:52:00

but who knows? There might be an envelope with that inside.

0:52:000:52:04

One of those bins won't make you happy, because in one of those

0:52:040:52:07

bins is Cyril, who's a clown, and he's very, very wrong.

0:52:070:52:11

So the one with the most points in the last round was Jasmine.

0:52:110:52:16

So, Jasmine, you come hither.

0:52:160:52:18

Stand here. Now, think very carefully.

0:52:180:52:22

In most of the bins are schatzes, treasure,

0:52:220:52:24

things to improve your life. But which bin isn't Cyril in?

0:52:240:52:29

Number two.

0:52:300:52:31

Jasmine...good luck.

0:52:320:52:36

-Ooh!

-Ooh!

0:52:410:52:42

-What's inside?

-What you got?

-What's inside?

-Marbles.

0:52:430:52:47

Marbles!

0:52:470:52:49

Ladies and gentlemen, she's got marbles.

0:52:500:52:53

Well done. Michael, come forward, please.

0:52:540:52:57

You want a motorbike. Let's see what we can do for you.

0:52:570:53:00

Remember, you don't want to find that clown Cyril,

0:53:000:53:03

or you lose. Which bin isn't Cyril in?

0:53:030:53:05

Number three.

0:53:050:53:07

-Number three. OK, Michael.

-Good luck.

0:53:070:53:11

-In your own time.

-Oh...

0:53:110:53:13

-What's in there?

-What you got?

-It's a brush.

0:53:150:53:18

A brush!

0:53:180:53:20

So, Jasmine, you've got a bag of glass marbles,

0:53:210:53:26

but which bin isn't Cyril in?

0:53:260:53:30

Number five.

0:53:300:53:31

Number five, ladies and gentlemen.

0:53:330:53:36

Good luck.

0:53:360:53:37

-Jasmine, stop!

-Oh! Stop!

0:53:390:53:41

-How old are you?

-Seven.

-Are you? Carry on.

0:53:410:53:45

Carry on.

0:53:450:53:46

What is it? Show everyone what you've got.

0:53:490:53:52

-Wool.

-A ball of wool.

0:53:520:53:55

Whatever happens today, that is yours to keep.

0:53:560:54:00

It's schatze heaven in here today, Michael.

0:54:000:54:03

Right. Which bin isn't he in?

0:54:030:54:05

-Number seven.

-Number seven.

0:54:050:54:07

OK, Michael.

0:54:070:54:09

Oh...

0:54:090:54:12

Show everyone what you've got.

0:54:140:54:16

-Tell them what it is.

-It's a washing-up brush.

-Oh!

0:54:160:54:19

OK. So...Jasmine, which bin isn't Cyril in?

0:54:230:54:28

-Number four.

-Number four.

0:54:280:54:30

Here, you've got a ball of wool, you've got some marbles,

0:54:300:54:33

what could possibly be...? No, no, take them with you.

0:54:330:54:35

Cos you don't want to ever lose them.

0:54:350:54:37

They're too precious.

0:54:380:54:40

Argh!

0:54:400:54:41

What is it? What is it?

0:54:420:54:45

-Show everyone.

-Washing-up gloves.

0:54:450:54:47

A washing-up glove.

0:54:470:54:49

Michael, you too could be getting some washing-up gloves,

0:54:490:54:52

or something even better.

0:54:520:54:53

-Which bin isn't Cyril in?

-Number one.

0:54:530:54:56

Number one. Go on, Michael, open the lid. Let's see what he's got.

0:54:560:54:59

Lift the lid.

0:54:590:55:00

Oh! What is it? Hold it up.

0:55:000:55:05

-Hold it tight...

-It's a horn. It's a horn.

0:55:050:55:08

It's a toy horn.

0:55:080:55:09

Michael.

0:55:100:55:12

This is literally...life... life-changing schatze.

0:55:120:55:19

Which bin isn't Cyril in?

0:55:200:55:23

Number eight.

0:55:230:55:24

Number eight, ladies and gentlemen.

0:55:240:55:26

AUDIENCE BOOS

0:55:260:55:28

Oh, unpopular with the audience.

0:55:280:55:30

Anything can happen. You've got two left.

0:55:300:55:32

One contains Cyril, one contains the schatze.

0:55:320:55:34

You've gone for eight. What's in there?

0:55:340:55:37

Jasmine!

0:55:370:55:40

What is it?

0:55:400:55:40

What is it?!

0:55:430:55:44

-A fan.

-It's a fan, everybody.

0:55:440:55:47

A fan.

0:55:470:55:49

Lovely. Michael, I wonder what's in bin number six.

0:55:490:55:53

I dread to think, I really worry.

0:55:530:55:54

I mean, is it going to be the motorbike?

0:55:540:55:57

Oh, I don't think so.

0:55:570:55:58

-Will it be some more rubber gloves?

-No, I don't think so.

0:55:580:56:00

It might be a plastic cone or a pen or a pencil.

0:56:000:56:03

Whatever it is, Michael,

0:56:030:56:04

it's definitely going to change your life for ever.

0:56:040:56:07

Lift that lid, Michael!

0:56:070:56:09

DICK AND DOM SCREAM

0:56:090:56:12

CLOWN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

0:56:130:56:17

Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.

0:56:320:56:34

So...the good news is, we have a champion.

0:56:340:56:37

Jasmine is the master of the hoop, the winner of Hoopla.

0:56:370:56:42

She's got marbles, she's got a ball of wool,

0:56:420:56:44

she's got washing-up gloves, and the trophy.

0:56:440:56:47

Jasmine...well done.

0:56:470:56:51

She's the new master of the hoop. How do you feel, Jasmine?

0:56:510:56:55

-Brilliant.

-Brilliant?

-Yeah.

0:56:550:56:58

Oh. Now listen, you go home with all your treat and...argh!

0:56:580:57:03

CLOWN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

0:57:050:57:07

You broke the cup!

0:57:070:57:09

She's lost her marbles!

0:57:090:57:11

Oh no, look, Jasmine's been turned into a kid clown.

0:57:150:57:20

Hey! You know what, though?

0:57:200:57:21

Jasmine, seeing as you've been turned into a clown,

0:57:210:57:26

you might as well join our Hoopla carnival -

0:57:260:57:30

for ever!

0:57:300:57:32

Thank you to everyone that's been on the show today,

0:57:320:57:34

including all our variety and comedy acts,

0:57:340:57:37

and all that great music we've had, too.

0:57:370:57:39

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you very much,

0:57:390:57:41

to the Pooh Brothers, to all of the kid clowns,

0:57:410:57:44

but, most of all, to you people.

0:57:440:57:47

That's you lot. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

0:57:470:57:51

Join us next time and who knows?

0:57:510:57:53

The Hoopla carnival might be coming to a town near you.

0:57:530:57:56

Hoopla!

0:57:560:57:57

Dick and Dom would like to point out that Michael survived

0:58:000:58:02

his encounter with Cyril and is now training to be a hairdresser.

0:58:020:58:06

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:080:58:10

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