Fight and Murder on the Norwich Express Diddy Movies
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Lights, camera, action! | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
# We're Diddy Dick and Dom And we're so excited | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
# Our showbiz careers have been reignited | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
# We've made it onto the silver screen | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
-# With our Diddy Movies -# You're living the dream! | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
# We were down on our luck We were burnt-out stars | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
# Flipping burgers | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
# And washing cars! | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
# We waved goodbye to all our cares | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# Hello to Hollywood premieres | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
# This time next year, you'll be millionaires! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
# Go Diddy Movies | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
# Yeah! # | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
Ladies! Gentlemen! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
And my psychotherapist Sally! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
Welcome to another Diddy Movie premiere! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:48 | |
Tonight, it's the martial arts mega-piece | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
Fight! The Way of the Wedgie. Hi-ya! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:57 | |
-Mr Weinsteinberger. -That's me. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
-Mr Weinsteinberger! -I said that's me! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
Me and Diddy Dick have brought you a present. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
It is a souvenir from the set. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
-Aw, really? -It's the director. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
Dark! | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
Dark! Dark! Dark! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
-Dark! -Listen, this movie cost me a fortune. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
If it flops, I'll see to it you never work in this town again. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
-What about the next town? -No. -What about the next, next town? -No! | 0:01:20 | 0:01:24 | |
What about the next, next, next, next, next... | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
Can it! | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Your doll may look like a real baby | 0:01:32 | 0:01:36 | |
and feel like a real baby | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
but does it smell like a real baby? | 0:01:38 | 0:01:43 | |
Looks like you need... | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Baby Let-One-Off! | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
She laughs! She cries! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
DOLL FARTS | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
She farts like a foghorn. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Pump her arm and she'll compose a tune. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
DOLL FARTS "LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY" | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
But whatever you do, don't pull her finger! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
Baby Let-One-Off is not liable for damage, injuries or egginess. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
Not recommended for children, adults, Scots or fish fingers. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Keep away from flames. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
This is it! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
Diddy Dick, | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
I'm so excited, I could... | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
I could... | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
DOM SCREAMS | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
DICK SCREAMS | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
AUDIENCE SCREAMS | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
Cut that out! | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
You're scaring me. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
AUDIENCE CLAPS | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
I am Minky the Monkey. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
In mountains of China, ancient wisdom dictate | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
that true warrior can only be born under starless sky. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
He must go on long journey, | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
learn many great things - | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
courage of a thousand tigers. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:51 | |
Strength of a thousand ox. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Humility of a thous... | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
Diddy Movies present... | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
In 3D! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:05 | |
Oh! 3D! | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
Who dares to take on The Viper? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
Nobody has ever defeated me! | 0:03:17 | 0:03:22 | |
Wah! | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
Wah! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
You are all weak! | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Nobody dares to take on the Viper! | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
Nobody! | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
I'll take on the Viper. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Flippin' idiot. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
And who are you, weedy warrior? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:43 | |
HE HAWKS, SPITS | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
I am Jimmy Ginger. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
TOY SHATTERS | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
I was born in the mountains of Li Ning. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
My parents were abducted by aliens! | 0:03:55 | 0:03:59 | |
I was raised by ants in the forest. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
And now, I have come here to fulfil my destiny | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
and become a master of Kunnng...Fu! | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
Kung Fu? Flippin' idiot. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
You think this is Kung Fu? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:15 | |
This isn't Kung Fu! | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
Isn't it? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
No! This is Kung Boo! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
Allow me to demonstrate. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
You see, Jimmy, Kung Boo is like Kung Fu | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
but with one difference - | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
to win at Kung Boo, you must master art of surprise. See? | 0:04:34 | 0:04:39 | |
Whoargh! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
Very good Kung Boo! | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Cheesy foot in face. Very surprising! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
Ha! | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Urrrgh! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:53 | |
Oh! Double surprise! | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Licky tongue on cheesy foot in face! | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
One-all! | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
WHISTLING SOUND | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Aaagh! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:17 | |
# Consider yourself at home! | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
# Consider yourself one of the family! # | 0:05:22 | 0:05:28 | |
Ultimate surprise! Singing sausage of death! | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
Winner is...The Viper! | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
And that is why, Mr Ginger, you will never beat me! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:41 | |
Because I am the top dog. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:44 | |
And you are the puny poodle! | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
CROWD LAUGHS | 0:05:48 | 0:05:51 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:05:51 | 0:05:52 | |
Ha...ha...ha... | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
You may laugh, but I'll be back | 0:05:55 | 0:05:58 | |
and one day, I'll beat you! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:01 | |
OK... | 0:06:01 | 0:06:03 | |
How about... | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
this Saturday? Yes! | 0:06:04 | 0:06:07 | |
Winner gets 10 million yen. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Be there, puny poodle! | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
I'm not scared of you! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
PARP | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
PAAAAAARP | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
PARP | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
PAAARP | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
And so, the young novice had agreed to fight | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
the most fearsome Kung Boo warrior in the whole of China | 0:06:32 | 0:06:37 | |
in just three days' time. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
What a total beansprout! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Ah-ha-ha-ha! | 0:06:44 | 0:06:48 | |
Ha-ha! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:55 | |
This boy going to need some help! | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
KITTEN PURRS | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
I'm looking for a trainer, called Segal. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:23 | |
-My name is ... -I know who you are. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
-I'm... -I know what you want. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
I know. Actually, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
-I'm not going to train you. -But Kung Boo is my destiny! | 0:07:34 | 0:07:38 | |
You?! You have a body like a rubber band. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:42 | |
You have muscles like a jellyfish! | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
You have amazing eyes, and I love what you've done with your hair. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:49 | |
Aw, thank you very much. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
No problem. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:53 | |
Now go! You're a flim-flam loser who wants his mummy! | 0:07:53 | 0:07:57 | |
-You wouldn't even stand a fight against a kitten! -I would! | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
Yaagh! | 0:08:00 | 0:08:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
Give me five. Yeah. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
And now, we train. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
To learn Kung Boo, you must master the art of... | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
surprise! | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
GALLOPING HOOVES | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
Aw! | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
CRUNCH | 0:08:23 | 0:08:24 | |
Ow! What was that for? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:27 | |
You must master... | 0:08:27 | 0:08:28 | |
the unpredictable! | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
CROSSING SIGNAL | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Please! Can we just... | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
You must catch your opponent... | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
unawares. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
BELLYDANCING MUSIC | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
Owwww! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
Ooh! | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
So, over many long days, | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
Jimmy Ginger worked tirelessly to master the art of Kung Boo. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
Ah! Ah! Lumme! | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
And was rubbish. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
HE PANTS AND GROANS | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
Now you are ready for your final lesson. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:09 | |
The Way...of...the Wedgie. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
-The Way of the Wedgie? -No! | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
The Way...of...the Wedgie... | 0:09:15 | 0:09:20 | |
What I am about to tell you cannot be revealed to anyone. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:24 | |
Except your mum. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:25 | |
HE WHISPERS | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
And now, the prize fight! | 0:09:34 | 0:09:37 | |
The champion, Viper! | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
CHEERING | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
The challenger, Jimmy Ginger! | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
CRICKETS CHIRP | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
When you first came to me, I didn't want to train you. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
And now, I wish I hadn't. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
But it's too late, so good luck. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
GONG CLASHES | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
Go on! Nut him! | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
Aaaarrrrgh! | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Ah! | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
Heh-heh-heh. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
Ah, big boulder nipple yanky surprise! One-nil. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
Yeee-ah! | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
Ah, doppelganger bursting balloon face surprise! Two-nil! | 0:10:36 | 0:10:41 | |
Hi... Yes, I need them right away. Thank you! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:50 | |
LORRY BEEPS | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
Ooh! Flying million poppadom order surprise! Three-nil to Viper! | 0:11:00 | 0:11:05 | |
-(WHISPERS) -The Way of the Wedgie. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
The Way of the Wedgie. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
I... I can't hear you! | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
The Way of the Wedgie. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Wha? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Do the Way of the Wedgie! | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Oh, yeah. Thanks. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
ELASTIC STRETCHES TIGHT | 0:11:28 | 0:11:32 | |
We have a new champion! Jimmy Ginger! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
Not so fast! | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
OK. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:47 | |
We...have...a...new...champion... | 0:11:47 | 0:11:53 | |
No! I mean, you might want to reconsider the result | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
when you find out that it is actually...me! | 0:11:57 | 0:12:02 | |
Ha! The Viper! | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
You've got to be kiddin' me! | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
It's clever, huh? | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
And little poodle Jimmy is the loser! Ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:12 | 0:12:18 | |
Wedgie bluff rubber face swappy surprise! | 0:12:18 | 0:12:22 | |
So what? That's nothing. Watch this! | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
Double face monkey pully dance down! | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
# Everybody was Kung Fu fighting | 0:12:30 | 0:12:35 | |
# Those cats were fast as lightning... # | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
Wah! Ha! | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
SOMEONE COUGHS | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
Well, Larry? What do you think? | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
Fudge. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
Fudge. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
Fudge! | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
Fudge! | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
-(INCREASINGLY FRANTIC) -Fudge! | 0:13:09 | 0:13:13 | |
Fuuudge! | 0:13:13 | 0:13:14 | |
-(SCREAMS) -Fudge! | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
Not fudge. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
Fudge. Available now from this theatre. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
CROWD CLAPS | 0:13:23 | 0:13:25 | |
Oh, this is it! Break a leg, luvvie! | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
-What, really? -Yeah! | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
Ow! Ow! Ow! | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
Aargh! Done it. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
Diddy Movies presents | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
Murder on the Norwich Express. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
HE GRUNTS AND STRAINS | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
'Greetings. I am Francois Le Fondue, the great French detective. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:57 | |
'The greatest detective in the world. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
'No, the greatest detective in the whole universe.' | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
Yes, yes, I am pretty amazing. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
'Yes, you are.' | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
Mwah! 'Mwah!' | 0:14:08 | 0:14:09 | |
'It was early morning in London | 0:14:09 | 0:14:12 | |
'and after another brilliant investigation | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
'into the curse of the Queen's armpit | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
'I was off to take a well-earned rest.' Aargh! | 0:14:17 | 0:14:20 | |
Higgins, you pig! | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
Yes, uh, sorry. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
You call that an accent? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:28 | |
I'm actually half French. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:30 | |
See? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
Sorry. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
Higgins, you imbecile! | 0:14:35 | 0:14:37 | |
You nearly hurt this massive detective brain! | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
The brain that solved the case of the missing walnut. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
-But I solved the case of the missing walnut. -Did not. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:47 | |
I found it under the sofa! | 0:14:47 | 0:14:48 | |
-Silence! -Yes, yes. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
-You will never match the brilliance of Fondue! -All aboard! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:54 | |
Er, Mister Fondue? | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
Say you're sorry. | 0:14:58 | 0:14:59 | |
Sorry. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
Like you mean it. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
Sorry! | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
Still don't believe you. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Sorry, sorry, sorry! | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Please?! | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
OK, fine. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:16 | |
And so we were off, | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
the Norwich Express taking us far, far away | 0:15:22 | 0:15:26 | |
to give me and my massive brain a well-earned holiday. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
Can I take your order please? | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
So are you sure there won't be some kind of terrible murder mystery? | 0:15:34 | 0:15:41 | |
Don't be so stupid, Higgins! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
I would know if there was going to be a crime. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
I am a great detective. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
And I detect that nothing is about to... | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
Like I said, nothing is about to... | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
Ah! The tea boy! | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
Just as I predicted. | 0:16:08 | 0:16:09 | |
He's been...minned! | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
-Mooned? -Yes, that's what I said. Minned. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
Alert the authorities. There is a minner on board this train. | 0:16:16 | 0:16:20 | |
And I, Francois Le Fondue, will find out... | 0:16:20 | 0:16:24 | |
whodunnit! | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
PARP! | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
Ooh, isn't he cute? | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
PARP! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:30 | |
We were in that tunnel for several seconds. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
That means anyone on board this train could be the minner. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:37 | |
-Mooner? -Minner. It could be... | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
the bitter businessman... | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
Blah, blah, blah, yeah... | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
Uh? Eat my face! | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
The crazy chocolatier... | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
Chocolat, chocolat! Haw! Haw! | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
But by my powers of detection, | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
I am pretty sure that it is... | 0:17:00 | 0:17:03 | |
the goofy granny! | 0:17:03 | 0:17:05 | |
Hello, dear! | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
No, no! It can't be her. I mean, she's all lovely and that. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
-Shut up! -Yes. -I am the detective | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
and I'm pretty sure that she is... | 0:17:13 | 0:17:17 | |
proper shifty. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:18 | |
WOMAN SCREAMS | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
PARP! | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
We searched the entire train, but nothing! | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
The mysterious mooner was still at large. | 0:17:26 | 0:17:30 | |
Maybe extra large. Ha-ha-ha! | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
This train is reversing. This train is reversing... | 0:17:35 | 0:17:39 | |
-The only place we haven't tried is la lavatoire. -Yes, yes! | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
Uuugh! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:46 | |
-I quite like it. -Eh? | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
Right, let's sweep for clues. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
-I like sweeping for clues! -Me too! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:57 | |
Sweep there, sweep the tie, sweep near the button... | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
Nothing. Let's dust for prints. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
-I like dusting for prints! -Me too! | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
Dusty, dusty, dusty here, dusty there... | 0:18:07 | 0:18:09 | |
Nothing! Did you find any prints? | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Yes! I did. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
My liege, I bring important news from the rotten state of Denmark. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
-No, no, no! -I don't like that prince. -No. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
Look! | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
A clue! Crisps! | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
'Finally, I was on the trail of the mooner...' | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
'What about me?' | 0:18:33 | 0:18:34 | |
-'Will you shut up!' -'Oh.' | 0:18:34 | 0:18:38 | |
Look, I found a yoghurt pot! | 0:18:38 | 0:18:42 | |
-No! -I -found a yoghurt pot! | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
POT SHATTERS | 0:18:45 | 0:18:47 | |
Look! I found a pink tutu. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:52 | |
-No! -I -found a pink tutu! | 0:18:52 | 0:18:55 | |
TUTU SHATTERS | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
Look, look, look! | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
I found some old underpants! | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
Yes... Yes, yes, you did. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
UNDERPANTS SHATTER | 0:19:06 | 0:19:07 | |
Stop right there! | 0:19:07 | 0:19:09 | |
He must be the mooner! Let's get him! | 0:19:10 | 0:19:14 | |
Ooh, 'eck! | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
Good evening, madams! | 0:19:25 | 0:19:26 | |
Have you thought how long it takes to shave your back? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
That can be a thing of the past with the new shavey deluxe... | 0:19:29 | 0:19:33 | |
Stop right there! | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
Who are you?! | 0:19:53 | 0:19:54 | |
I am Francoise Le Fondue. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
And he... He's not important. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
-No, I'm not. -And you are under arrest! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
Oh. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
CROWD CHEERS | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:20:28 | 0:20:30 | |
Oi! | 0:20:35 | 0:20:37 | |
Tickets, please! | 0:20:39 | 0:20:41 | |
Here you are. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:43 | |
Thank you. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Stop in the name of the law! | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
TRAIN GRINDS, RUMBLES | 0:20:51 | 0:20:55 | |
# To the left, to the left... # | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
Don't do it, monsieur! | 0:21:04 | 0:21:06 | |
-So, monsieur, you confess that... -Waah! | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
You confess that you did it? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:13 | |
Yeah! All right, I confess! It was me! | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
BOTH: Yeah! | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
I took the spare biscuits! | 0:21:19 | 0:21:21 | |
The old biscuit ploy. So do you confess that you are the mooner? | 0:21:21 | 0:21:26 | |
-The mooner? -Oh, no, no, I'm not the mooner. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
-I just nicked some custard creams. That's all. -Eh? | 0:21:30 | 0:21:35 | |
-Although, now you mention it, I know who the mooner is. -Really? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:40 | |
-It's... -Yes? | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
It's... | 0:21:42 | 0:21:43 | |
WHISTLE BLOWS | 0:21:43 | 0:21:45 | |
PARP! | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
Urgh! Sacre bleu! | 0:21:47 | 0:21:49 | |
And we were so close! | 0:21:49 | 0:21:50 | |
Now we'll never know who the mooner is! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
I mean, if it's not the guard, then who could it... | 0:21:53 | 0:21:57 | |
Of course! | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
-What? -It's obvious! | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
-What? What? -I can't believe I didn't see it before! | 0:22:00 | 0:22:03 | |
-What?! -The mooner is... | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
You! Mister train driver! | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
All right. It's a fair cop. I suppose you followed the clues. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
The spanner left in the guard's room, | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
which led to the compartment behind the buffet, | 0:22:17 | 0:22:20 | |
where you found ketchup from my bacon sandwich, | 0:22:20 | 0:22:22 | |
-which led you here. -Er...no, actually. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
To be honest, you're the only person left on the train | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
-who hasn't been mooned. -Oh. Right. | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
So you just...blagged it. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
Whatever. Boys! | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
Take him away! | 0:22:35 | 0:22:36 | |
Fondue, there's just one thing I don't understand. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
Yes, my stupid friend? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
-If the driver's gone to prison... -Oui? | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Then who's going to stop the train? | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
BOTH: Aagh! | 0:22:54 | 0:22:55 | |
All units! The runaway train came down the track | 0:22:58 | 0:23:01 | |
and she blew. Repeat. She blew! | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
CRASHING | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
Don't worry, Larry. We said you'd pay for the damage. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:09 | |
Huh? Oh... | 0:23:09 | 0:23:10 | |
Aaaagh! | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
Aaaagh! | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
Aaaagh! | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
Higgins, this is the end! | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
Phew! I'm off. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:37 | |
Oi! Not the actual end! | 0:23:37 | 0:23:40 | |
Oh. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:41 | |
I have it! | 0:23:45 | 0:23:46 | |
Divert this train to "Beth"! | 0:23:46 | 0:23:49 | |
To Bath? | 0:23:49 | 0:23:50 | |
Yes! Divert this train to "Beth"! | 0:23:50 | 0:23:53 | |
SPLASHING | 0:23:55 | 0:23:58 | |
# Splish splash, I was taking a bath | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
# Home about a Saturday night | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
# Rub dub, just relaxing in the tub | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
# Thinking everything was all right... # | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
Well, Larry? What did you think? | 0:24:18 | 0:24:21 | |
What about you lot? What did you think, eh? | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
SCREAMING, GUNFIRE, POLICE SIRENS, EXPLOSIONS, HORSES NEIGHING | 0:24:36 | 0:24:43 | |
I cannot believe I just sat through that. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
-Unbelievable! -This is outrageous! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
SCREAMING | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
I'm ruined! Ruined, I tell you! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
Actually, Mister Weinsteinberger... | 0:25:03 | 0:25:07 | |
We've got another idea for a film! | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Yes. And this film has... | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
..jam in a bag! | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
'Those two are unique creatures! | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
'They're the only men I know who've got a bum for a brain! | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
'A bum for a brain, I tell you! | 0:25:24 | 0:25:27 | |
'And that's a waste of a bum! | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
'Why do I bother? That's the most stupid thing I ever...' | 0:25:29 | 0:25:34 | |
I love it! Here's the cash! | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
-Yay! -Yay! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:37 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 |