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Bumbly Poo Farm Diddy Movies

Bumbly Poo Farm

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Transcript

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Lights, camera, action!

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# We're Diddy Dick and Dom and we're so excited

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# Our showbiz careers have been reignited

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# We made it on to the silver screen with our Diddy Movies

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# You're living the dream

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# We were down on our luck, we were burnt out stars

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# Flipping burgers and washing cars

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# We waved goodbye to all our cares, hello to Hollywood premieres

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# This time it's you, you'll be millionaires

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# Do Diddy Movies, yeah! #

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Hello, boys and girls!

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Welcome to a world where birds tweet,

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cows moo and sheep fart candy floss!

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That's right, we're all off to Bumbly Poo Farm!

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Yippee!

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I think we're on to a winner here, guys.

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A kiddy picture full of happy tunes and talking animals. I love it.

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Even you two can't have messed this one up.

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I think you underestimate us, Larry.

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COUGHING

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WOMAN: Isn't that annoying?

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MOBILE PHONES RING

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How insensitive!

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TALKING

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How very rude.

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BURPING

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Eggy and intrusive.

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BRASS BAND PLAYS

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That's just so inconsiderate. Will you please all just....

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And enjoy the movie.

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Oh, yes, I know, Diddy Dick, this is so exciting.

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No, I've got an ice cube stuck in my throat.

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BOTH: Brain freeze.

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Sssh!

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It was a hot summer's day and I was off to stay with my uncle

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at Bumbly Poo Farm!

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# I'm such a happy kitty, so pleased to leave the city!

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# Yes, I am a talking cat

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# There's nothing at all weird about that

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# Talking animals are the norm Here on Bumbly Poo Farm!

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-# Hello Uncle!

-Nephew dear! I think you're going to like it here!

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# The flowers sing whenever they blossom!

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# My underpants hum 'cos I never wash 'em

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# Primary colours all over the place

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# Even the sun has a smile on his face

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Ooh, I'm flipping sweltering.

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# Everyone's jolly and everyone's friends

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# Everyone's happy and the fun never ends

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# Everything's so very cute, you may feel the need to puke

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PUKING

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# No-one ever comes to harm here on Bumbly Poo...

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# Faaarrrmmmm! #

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-Did they just...?

-No.

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Thank you for inviting me to stay on your farm, Uncle Tom.

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That's OK, Jess! I'll be glad of the help!

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Help? Nobody said anything about help.

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You'll love it. Working on a farm is enormous fun.

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And by "fun" I mean back-breakingly hard work.

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Now, how about a bowl of lovely cream?

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Ooh, cream!

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Oh, I love cream.

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That's the way, little Jess.

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Now, you'll be needing this.

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Not to wipe your face. It's your list of chores.

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"Milk the cows, tidy up the fields, stir the cream."

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What did your last slave die of?

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Lactose intolerance.

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Right, I'm off to market so you best get cracking with this little lot.

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And whatever you do

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don't visit the diseased old oak tree at the bottom of Misery Field.

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Why would I want to do that?

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The bushes are covered in gobstoppers

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and the flowers are made of liquorice.

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And the tree is covered in chocolate noggins, no reason to go there.

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Right, no reason at all. Did you say chocolate noggins?

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Yes, and there's a Diddystation games console there,

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with the brand-new Bumbly Poo Farm game.

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Product placement, that is.

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The game's rubbish, they always are.

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So whatever you do, don't go down there. Get on with your chores. Bye!

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Right, where's that tree?

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MUSIC PLAYS 'Ah, this is brilliant!'

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It's not.

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'Oh, it's just like being in the film!'

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Huh! It isn't!

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'Wow! Being on the farm is so much fun!'

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-Did someone say fun?

-Agh!

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Ha! Hi there, sport. If it's fun you're after, I'm your guy!

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-Oh.

-I'm the Bumbly Poo, of Bumbly Poo Farm.

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-Pleased to meet ya!

-Pleased to meet you...!

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Oh!

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Sorry. I'm Jess! I never realised there was a real Bumbly Poo.

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Why do you think this place is called Bumbly Poo Farm?

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I thought it was because my uncle's got a dicky tummy.

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No, that's a Poobly Bum, that's very different.

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TRUMP

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Jess, would you like to be my friend?

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A Bumbly Poo is the most magical friend you could ever have!

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# Lots of fun things you can do when you're friends with a Bumbly Poo

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# Poke a frog with wet bamboo Play a wellie boot kazoo

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# Fill your uncle's hat with stew There's so much to do!

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# Fly through space in a portaloo Practise custard cream kung fu

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# Wash your hair with cheese fondue There's so much to do!

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# When you're friends with a Bumbly Poo

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# There's just so many fun things you can do! #

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Oh, wow, that was the most fun five minutes I've ever had,

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Bumbly Poo - anyway, best get on with my uncle's chores...

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No, no, wait!

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I could help you, make them a bit more...fun, in a Bumbly Poo way!

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If not, I'll sting you on the nose and make you cry.

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-Sorry, what was that?

-Nothing. You do your chores and I'll have a look.

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Go on, off you go, kitty-katty, kitty-kitty, that's it...

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BUMBLY POO PRETENDS TO READ REALLY FAST

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-They all look easy-peasy, squeezy-weezy!

-You think?

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I don't know - I can't read!

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Come on, let's go and annoy some cows!

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COW MOOS

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What, you want me to milk these udders - with these claws?

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Ha! Let's make it fun! The Bumbly Poo way! Ha-ha-ha!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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TRUMP

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-ALL: Ugh!

-What the...? That's my face!

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You always said you wanted to be in the movies!

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Lock and load, Jess!

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COW MOOS

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Ooh!

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CHILDREN LAUGH

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Yes!

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We have...a winner!

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AUDIENCE GASP

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What? I'm a cat!

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-In dungarees!

-So, what's next, my old pal?

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I've got to clean the field of the cow pats.

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Let's play frisbee! Ha-ha!

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-That's not helping!

-No, but it is fun! Ugh...!

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Come on, sourpuss-puss, why don't you join in?

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Whee, whee, whee!

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Whoah!

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Here we go...!

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Ha-ha, ha-ha! Not dry yet(?)

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Not dry yet.

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Don't worry, there's plenty more fun to be had on Bumbly Poo Farm.

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I'm not sure I like you much any more.

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-Now, we've got to turn this milk into cream.

-That's easy -

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with a bit of Bumbly Poo magic!

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No! We'll just use these whisks, OK?

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Are you sure? I mean, we could simply do...this!!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Or what about this? Urrr...!

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BIG BAND PLAYS

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Or how about...this?!

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Rrrrr!

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How's that helping?!

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I thought we were friends? I guess not...

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# The kitchen is a mess

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# And all the milk's been spilt

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# When Uncle Tom gets back

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# I'm going to get killed

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# But as I stand and look around

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# And sing my sad, sad song

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# At least I can be sure there's nothing else

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# That can go wrong... #

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Rrrrrr!

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Ha-ha! Rrrrr!

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Oh, Jess! You didn't think I'd leave you like this, did you?

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-What, you're going to put everything right with your Bumbly Poo magic?

-No!

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I'm going to make sure it looks like it was you!

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Rrrr-ah!

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Bye!

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-Ha!

-Huh?!

-What happened here then?

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-You wouldn't believe it if I told you.

-Oh, what?

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Did an irritating fairytale creature - I don't know, something like

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a giant psychedelic bee - fly out of a diseased oak tree

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and make your life a misery?

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-Yes!

-Oh, yeah, I thought so.

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He has a habit of doing that, the annoying poo-head.

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I think it's about time that we taught HIM a lesson.

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Uh-ha-ha-ha!

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So, you've decided to forgive me, have you?

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Oh, yes, my uncle and I have no hard feelings,

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-so sit, down...pal!

-Ha-ha-ha...

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-So - ha! - what's for dinner?

-You!

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Hey? Aaaagh!

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About 20 minutes on 200 degrees should do the trick.

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Ha-ha!

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Oh! Mmm! Moreish!

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Yes, like popcorn! So...

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-have you learnt your valuable lesson, Jess?

-Oh, yes, uncle.

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# If you have an annoying chum

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# And you don't know what to do

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# Don't sit there feeling glum We've got some good advice for you!

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# Eat your friends, eat your friends When you're at your wits' end

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# When they drive you round the bend, eat your friends

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# Eat your mates, eat your mates When they make you feel irate

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# When they're starting to grate Eat your mates!

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-# Steam 'em, boil 'em

-Make a kebab!

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-# Chew 'em, fry 'em

-Crack 'em like a crab!

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-ALL:

-Uuuugh!

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# Grill them, grill them

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# Fry 'em like an egg

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-# Roast them, bake them

-Chew on their legs!

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-# When they drive you round the bend

-The fun you have will never end!

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# When you eat

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# Your

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# Friends! #

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BURP

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He-hee! Get your computer games!

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Bumbly Poo computer games!

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Bumbly Poo masks! Strap-on stingers!

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-Cow pat frisbees!

-Bumbly Poo on a stick!

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APPLAUSE ERUPTS

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RAUCOUS SHOUTING, BOOING, SIRENS

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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RAUCOUS SHOUTING CONTINUES

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-I cannot believe I have just sat through that.

-Outrageous!

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Aaaaagh!

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I am ruined! Ruined, I tells ya!

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-But we've got another idea for a movie!

-Oh!

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Yes, Richard. And this one's all about...saucepans.

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Ah...

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'Maybe I'm dreaming?

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'A film about saucepans?!

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'Ah, I hate it! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it...'

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I love it!

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-Here's the money!

-CHEERING

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